


The Silence Is Too Loud

by xx_Katya_xx



Series: Cheating Sterek Universe Series [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Angry Derek, Angry Sex, Angst, Baker Stiles Stilinski, Ballet, Best Friend really, Blow Jobs, Brief Steo, Cheating Derek Hale, Derek Makes Bad Life Choices, Don't Upload On Another Site, Don't read if you're overly sensitive, Drinking, Fluff, Good Peter Hale, Hale family - Freeform, Happy Ending, Homeless Peter Hale, Human AU, I don't write smut alot but I tried, I think so anyway, I'm not a doctor, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Insecure Stiles Stilinski, Jealous Derek, Jealous Stiles Stilinski, Jordan makes one appearance, Lonely Stiles Stilinski, Lot of emotions to get through before big climax type stuff, M/M, Marital Issues, Marriage, Medical Jargon, Mistakes, Misunderstandings, Mpreg, No One dimensional characters, Possible Divorce, Relationship Discussions, Rich Derek Hale, Sad Derek Hale, Sad Stiles Stilinski, Scott has his moments, Scott is a Good Friend, Seriously. Act grown or leave, Slow Paced, Spoiler: Sterek Ending, Therapy, Top Derek Hale/Bottom Stiles Stilinski, Unrequited Crush, because life fuck me, couples therapy, irregular updates, long fic, might be some inaccuracies there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:08:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 53
Words: 192,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24590578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xx_Katya_xx/pseuds/xx_Katya_xx
Summary: Stiles and Derek have been married for 22 years and have 3 beautiful children. But the past year, Derek has been busier and busier at his law firm and even more distant as a husband and father. It all comes ahead during a new years party where in front of their friends and family, Stile's worst fears come true.Derek was prepared for a fight, he was prepared for anger and things thrown at him. He wasn't ready for..whatever this is.OrGetting with the growing cheating Derek trend and as much as I love all the fics,  most focus on Derek being a whore or Stiles going psycho with anger or the supernatural kind of interrupts the story. Not dissing, but this fic is more focused on both my personal experience with cheating and accounts I've read about or others peoples stories and a more grounded realistic turn of events. Lots of arguments, Blame game, angst, kids involved and hopefully healthy discussion and solutions later on.
Relationships: Allison Argent/Scott McCall, Derek Hale/Original Male Character(s), Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Lydia Martin/Jackson Whittemore, Peter Hale/Original Male Character(s), Vernon Boyd/Erica Reyes
Series: Cheating Sterek Universe Series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1777543
Comments: 722
Kudos: 1220





	1. I think I'm Alone Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles reflects on his marriage and finds that Derek doesn't seem to want to talk about their problems.

"Zayd, can you help me get your sisters ready?" Stiles Stilinki-Hale, age 40 but still baby faced as ever, called to his eldest son to assist him in dressing his two youngest for bed, 6 year old Netta and 1 year old Lily - who was currently rolling on the floor trying to reach for her feet.  
"Sure thing Pa, but I'm not dealing with her highness so I'll take Lily!" He smirked, hoisting up the one year old up into the air. Stiles shook his head as he watched his children fondly, Zayd shared a lot of similar features to his father, a strong jawline and hypnotising green eyes at just age 14. But he had Stile's wit and smarts, which honestly worried Stiles these days in case he figured certain things out...  
"Come on my Princess Netta." The brunette said to his 6 year old who instantly pouted up at her papa.  
"But I wanna colour more!" She whined helplessly as she was thrown over the mans shoulders and carried her up the stairs. She was always fussy when it came to bedtime, the girl never did sleep easily even when she was a baby.

After a few minutes of wrestling her into her pajamas and yet another spiel about the importance of brushing your teeth at night or the goblins make your breath smell and teeth fallout wile you sleep, Stiles finally managed to get Netta to go to bed, but of course not without a story.  
"So which is it tonight princess? Fairy Tales? How about we get started on Alice in Woderland again?"  
"NO!" The little girl screamed, crossing her arms as if her papa greatly offended her. "Daddy said HE would read me the story. Its mine and daddy's book!"  
Stiles watched the little girl for a moment, a solemn look in his eyes before shaking it off and sighing dramatically.  
"Oh Forgive me Queen of hearts! I didn't mean to offend you! How about I sing you alitle song instead?" Netta turned back to her dad and slowly nodded.  
"Okie dokie! You need practice singing anyway Papa!" Stiles faked offence but still wrapped his arms around the little black haired girl and began to hum the beginning of an old lullaby. She was a chaotic mix of both Stiles' stubbornness and Derek's temper. When she threw a tantrum, it was so bad a nun might even cuss if she had to deal with this little fireball. But Netta was Stile's first girl, his first princess and he loved her no matter what. He knows Derek does as well, even if Stiles has to remind himself more often these days...  
Soon Netta Hale was asleep, leg kicked over the blanket and snoring loudly, drool already on the side of her mouth and Stiles thought she looked for like a princess than ever.

He went into Zayd's room, his son hunched over his desk. "Last minute studying?" Stiles asked from the doorway.  
"Kind of." He called swirling around in the chair to look at Stiles. "We were just learning some stuff about cults and sects in sociology today and I wanted to learn a bit more. It's really interesting Pa!"  
"Ya know most people confuse sects with cults and cults with sects."  
"Really?" Much like Stiles, his eldest son was always curious about anything and everything, wanting to learn it all. When he was 5, he used to be satisfied just watching Derek in his study as his father worked. Then he started mimicking his dad and lawyers he saw on TV, yelling objection when he was in trouble and attempting to defend himself. If Derek wouldn't stop him, Stiles would have let the cute thing away with anything. Surprisingly though, Zayd was less interested in Law as he grew up and more into learning about different societies both past and present. Stiles and Zayd would talk hours about documentaries and historical theories, Derek even engaging with them and wanting to learn more about his sons interest when he could. When he could be bothered now that is...  
"Get some sleep Zayd. You'll loose brain cells if you get too tired- Don't google it now! Just get to sleep!" He laughed after a short discussion with son on Jim Jones.  
Zayd stretched out and yawned, turning off his laptop.  
"Goodnight Dad."  
"Goodnight sweetheart."

Stiles then entered Lily's room with the lights off, leaving the door open as his only source of light. The baby girl was lay in the crib, sleeping soundly.Lily was almost a miracle baby, she was born so tiny and sick and didn't open her eyes or cry the first 2 days she was born. Thank fully she was okay but Stiles remembers the anxiety he felt when he first brought her home especially after he had just read something about SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) and didn't want to leave her in a baby room for the first few weeks. He didn't even sleep and kept checking on her breathing every 5 minutes. Derek was there to get him through it though. But where was he now...?  
He couldn't tell how much of himself was in Lily right now, if she would grow to be like him or her father but right now he didn't care. He wanted to keep this cute baby with the tinny upturned nose like this forever. Leaning down, Stiles kissed her head gently, as light as a feather.  
"Sleep well baby." He breathed out, just lower than a whisper before walking out, planning to check on her before he actually went to bed.

Back downstairs, Stiles cleaned up the remains of dinner. He never thought himself to be cut out for the whole house-husband routine but he took well to it. Maybe it was the years of taking care of himself and his father, but he can't say he hated it. Stiles had 3 wonderful children to be thankful for after all, and he still has a teaching degree to get into if he wanted. But even with his children....it does get lonely.  
He doesn't miss the cramped apartment Derek and him used to live in during his early days after graduating college. Derek maybe 5 years older than him but he was still in the rookie stage of his Law career and Stiles was getting by on makeshift jobs - an apartment with a living room equipped with a sofa bed and one small kitchen with a broken cooker and a tiny bathroom with barely any room to shower was all they could afford if they still wanted food to eat. But he did miss somethings.  
Stiles missed the comfort, the laughter when Derek would trip over a loose cable, the winter nights when the power went out so they lit candles and read books to each other. He missed how they dreamed about their future family and would never let their children ever live in a sewer like this. He missed the way they would make love and it- it meant something. He missed...he just Derek.

Derek, who was now home. Stiles heard the front door open and he grabbed the warmed up plate of food from the microwave before setting it on the table and smiling at his husband through the archway of the kitchen leading to the living room.  
"Welcome back babe. Made you dinner. Chicken Pa-"  
"I already ate with some work friend before I got home." Derek said, scratching his jaw before kissing Stiles' head lazily. He didn't notice how his husbands smile tightened.  
"Oh...Again?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"That's the 6th time this week and...Well I mean, if you finish work you can come home and have dinner with us, your family." Stiles said somewhat pointedly as he scrapped the dinner into the bin. "The kids miss you at dinner and you know I make enough for all of us so it's not like-"  
"Stiles." Derek grunted, interrupting Stiles a second time, as if the conversation was draining him. "I just got back from work. I don't this...neediness okay? I'm sorry I didn't eat your damn chicken but I am tired from busting my ass over this murder case for the last 4 months. " He wasn't yelling, but his tone was no less defensive. "So excuse me if I wanted to go out with my friends to celebrate closing a hard case. How terrible of me!" He collapsed on the sofa with his head in his hands, Derek really needed a drink. Meanwhile, Stiles watched from the archway of the kitchen before nodding stiffly.  
"Fine." He marched past Derek and up the stairs to get ready for bed.

After checking on Lily, Stiles got into the shower of their en-suit bathroom- cold and harsh just like he needed. He breathed in and out deeply for a few minutes, just standing their with the water before getting out after properly showering. He brought his clothes to change into with him and got dressed tiredly before getting out. There on the bed was Derek, facing the door and meeting whiskey eyes once his husband was out.  
"You should have a shower. Since you've been working so hard."  
"Don't be like that Stiles." Derek sighed, watching Stiles put some hand cream on as he leaned against the dresser opposite the bed, needing something to focus on if NOW Derek wanted to talk.  
"Like what?"  
"Like- Nevermind...." Sighing heavily, Derek got up, walking to his husband and lightly clasping his now soft hands in his. "Listen I'm sorry for what happened downstairs. Just come to bed please?" He said almost pleadingly.  
Stiles watched him, frowning slightly. Derek isn't apologising for real, he's not apologising for his kids missing him, he's not apologising for being out later than needed when he could be spending time with his family. He's apologising because he thinks that's what Stiles wants. But Stiles just wants his husband back, which is why he almost gives in just to sleep besides his husband in their bed after weeks of lonely nights.  
Almost. But he doesn't, especially when hes dragged out of his thoughts by Derek kissing down his neck and his motives are clear.  
"Derek...Derek no!" He shoves him away harder than intended. Derek took a step back and glared at Stiles.  
"What the hell? Was that for?"  
"I'm sorry! But...I can't. I don't want to tonight." Stiles said, moving away from him and getting in bed.  
"Then When? Stiles we haven't slept together in 2 months!" It's been longer than that but Stiles wonders why Derek's dates are off but that something to think about later.  
"Who's fault is that? You're the one never home. And I thought you were too exhausted, now you want to have sex?"  
"This again... Stiles you don't know what I go through at work! All you do is stay at home with the kids while I'm out there! You're living the life of luxury while I do the hard work!" Derek argued, as if Stiles was the one who wasn't trying hard for Derek's needs.  
Stiles let out a harsh laugh at that.  
"Wow...Okay. Sure Derek. I never pinned you for an ignorant brute. Forgive me for thinking that taking care of our kids was something you would be thankful for. Forgive me for thinking that my hard working husband might want a nice dinner when he gets home, but nope! He just wanted to fuck. Get fucked Derek!" He turned around and curled up in himself, wincing as he heard the bed door slam.

Stiles didn't have to look up to know that he was alone in their bedroom once again.


	2. I'll Show You Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after their fight is Derek's day off after months. Instead of waking up by his husband and surrounded by his kids, he wakes up by someone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Derek's point of view about the argument, his marriage and his regrets. He makes a promised to himself to turn things around.

Derek blinked his eyes opened as he wrapped his arms around the smaller body besides him. "Morning...." He murmured softly, his voice full of affection.  
"Good morning..." A light laugh came. Derek smirked as he felt soft hands travel down his chest.  
"Is that a bit risky in the morning? Kid's might come in."  
"What kids, baby?" At that Derek snapped his eyes opened and sat up, looking around. Right, he wasn't at home at least not his home. And he wasn't with Stiles right now either. He looked down at his much younger partner, Luke Russo. Said young man looked at him with a small smirk.  
"Hey, whats wrong? Forgot you called me last night?" He slurred tiredly, leaning up and pulling Derek down on top of him. "Well, more like called me to tell me to open up my door. Very naughty Mr Hale. I didn't think you did late night deliveries." He said, especially since Derek already had fun with that same night when they went to dinner, before Derek had to rush home to his husband.  
Both men made a face at the same time; Derek a grimace as he recalled his argument with Stiles and Luke a scowl as he thought about the man Derek was 'committed' to, the obstacle that kept Derek from truly being his. As if wanting to forget his problems again for the last few months, and wanting to rid Luke of that face that drove his guilt more, Derek swooped in and slammed his lips against the others, trying desperately to manifest Stiles in Luke's place. It helped that they looked similar...well barely. Luke didn't have amber whiskey eyes, he didn't have blunt nails that left deep marks on his back during sex, Luke didn't even have the soft smiled Stiles used to have just being around Derek. But he was as lean as Stiles, as small, as pliant and everything he physically needed at times like this.  
Times when Derek was nothing but a coward.

40 minutes later, Derek got out the shower, dressed and checking himself in the hallway mirror once more. Fixing his hair, making sure there was make up over any blindingly obvious spots for hickeys - just making sure it didn't look like he had sex during a supposed dry spell in his marriage.  
"Come back to bed." Luke pouted from the doorway of his room, wearing a shirt he literally stole from Derek last time he was over. Making a statement. "I'll make you breakfast. You liked dinner last night didn't you?" He grinned, trying to show he could do anything Stiles could.  
"It was wonderful thank you..." Derek's lying. Stile's food is much more delicious, especially when he bakes. He regrets eating here and wasting his husband's food last night. "But I really should get going."  
"Kiss for the road?" Luke didn't give Derek a chance to second guess it, grabbing the older man by his shoulder and kissing him hard. Derek was always skittish in the morning, when the adrenaline wore off and he was left with the reality of what he had done, desperate to rush home and pretend everything was alright.  
Because that's how it went; he ran to Luke when he didn't want to face Stiles and ran back home to Stiles when he wanted to pretend they were okay.  
Pulling back from the brown eyed man (just...normal brown eyes) he grunted out a bye and left the apartment in rush, heading to his sleek black car.  
Derek stops to thoroughly check himself in the mirror 5 times on the way home.

Before Derek opens the front door, Zayd opens it up, looking dressed as if about to go out. His little sister dressed up in her new winter clothes Lydia bought her a few says ago for Christmas - not that he would know if Netta didn't tell him, he missed Christmas this year.  
"Dad. Hey..." His son greeted, and Derek didn't like the tone. Same one that Stiles gives him these days.  
"Daddy!" Netta cheered, as if she hadn't seen her dad in years. Derek resisted frowning at how that was too close to the real figure before hoisting his little girl up.  
"Hello Princess!" He chuckled deeply, planting kisses all over her face. "And where is my winter princess off to this morning?"  
"Papa said we're going to go Ice Skating on the lake before it starts getting warm!" Netta babbled, looking over back at the door as Stiles came out holding baby Lily. Derek met his husband's eyes and it suddenly felt much colder now. "Daddy you're coming with us right?" Netta suddenly broke the tension.  
"Yeah come on Dad. " Zayd added. Derek knew that Zayd was suspicious about what's been happening lately, but he missed Derek just as much as Netta. He looked over at Stiles for some kind of permission or indication he was wanted, but it seemed Stiles was occupied with playing with the cat eats on Lily's pink hat.  
"Sure guys. Let's go." He said happily, carrying Netta to the car. He chose to ignore the way Stiles tensed up and hesitated to follow.

The ride out to the lake was loud as ever between the kids, Netta and Zayd arguing back and forth while Lily babbled nonsense loudly to herself to be heard above her siblings. At the front though, Derek was trying to not crash the car with how suffocated he felt with Stiles sat right next to him. Reaching over once at a Red Light, he turned the radio on just to fill some of the deafening silence between them. Stiles seemed to glance at his movement and if he was grateful for it, he didn't show it. Derek doesn't know how to read Stiles anymore and that scared him.  
The Radio host was talking about quick traffic updates before finally letting a song play, and of course it had to be the one song they both loved and had played at their 'wedding' as they had their first dance as a married couple; Breathless by Shayne Ward. Derek remembered feeling so fucking happy that day. To finally share a name with Stiles, to begin a life of joy and happiness with him. So where did it all go wrong. He glanced at Stiles and saw him staring at the Radio as if tempted to change the station. He couldn't allow that.  
'And if we had babies they would have your eyes...I would fall deeper watching you give life...' The song played and Derek was reminded of the other 3 gifts Stiles had given him, the eldest currently complaining about the mushy son being played even thought they all know he loved it.  
Soon they arrived at the park, both men getting their children out, Stiles having Lily against his hip. They walked to the lake as a family and Derek got Nettas skated on before being guided off by her brother- leaving the older couple and their baby sister on the side sat on a bench to watch.  
Derek held Stile's hand tentatively and carefully, almost drawing back when his husband flinched with surprise. He cursed himself for letting this simple interaction seem like he was holding a strangers hand and not someone he loved.

"I'm sorry." He said, looking at the profile of his husbands face as the man was focused on their two children on the rink. "I mean it Stiles. I was a complete ass when I got home last night. And you made sense, you ALWAYS make sense in any discussion or argument we have and I didn't have anything to say so I just attacked you and I am so so sorry-" He cut himself off before he cried, both because he didn't know how to convey how sorry he was when he was still betraying his husband's trust and because said man he loved now face him with such a tired and sad look. Derek took a few deep breaths and cleared his throat.  
"You don't just laze around or whatever fuck else I said. I wouldn't be where I am without you, we wouldn't have our kids and-"  
"Derek." Stiles interrupted, look as if he was trying not to cry just as much as Derek. "This...This isn't the time." He managed to say and Derek knows. He knows Stiles has heard it all before this past year, all the excuses and broken promises and (as of 6 months ago and unbeknown to Stiles) all the lies. But Derek whats to try dammit, but selfishly he wants to try without his secret life coming out. Stiles was still watching him now, as if waiting to see what crap Derek would spout next.  
"But...Baby I am sorry..."  
"I know you're sorry about last night." Stiles said, and Derek doesn't know if its just paranoia but that 'last night' hit a deep pit in his stomach. "I know you are...much more sincere about it than you were last night. But today is an outing with our children and then there's the new years eve party tonight." The older man watched patiently as Stiles took a breath and kissed a sleeping Lily's head. "If...If you still want to talk about everything after tonight...Then I'll listen." He said, looking up into Derek's eyes for what felt like the first time in forever and Derek wanted to weep. He leapt forward and wrapped his arms around Stiles tightly because even after one bullshit of a year and everything Derek had put him through, Stiles clearly still loved him. And Derek promised to love him back and treat him better from now on. Tonight would be the night of new beginnings, he would help set up the party with his husband and kids, he would help with the food and everything. But before the party began, he knows he needs to end things with Luke.

Tonight, Derek would commit to fixing his marriage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next few chapters will be focusing on the party and aftermath. I really appreciated all the initial feedback and reactions and comments. Thank you so much and keep em coming.


	3. What I Deserve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek tries to mend the broken bond with his family and has a few revelations. Stiles is hesitant at his attempts especially since right before the party starts, Derek disappears into the night yet again.  
> We also see a little from Luke's point of view about how this all started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be a look at Derek's broken relationships with his family and how he fell for Luke as well as when the tension between Stiles and Derek started.

The Stilinski Hale family all arived home late afternoon, having had lunch on the way back - Derek paying for it to Stile's surprise. Speaking of Stiles, he had just put Lily down in the baby playpen in the living room; he could hear from the kitchen but just for his peace of mind he also had a baby monitor besides him on the kitchen counter while he got the lemon cheesecake ready for tonight.  
"Do you need any help?" Derek asked carefully, watching his husband dart around the kitchen as he got everything he needed prepared. "I could clean or hand you ingredients or you know..." Its amazing how small Derek felt in this moment.  
"No it's fine Derek." Stiles responded after a few moments to contemplate his answer. "Don't you have work to do?"  
"its my day off. Ya know, with it being new years eve today."  
"Mmm...A holiday didn't stop you from avoiding your home and family before." Stiles bit out, and he felt petty but couldn't help it. Stiles hates that he can't trust Derek's little display and promises he made at the lake just a few hours ago, couldn't just be happy Derek was here NOW. He just had to make jabs because he's too afraid of conversations that have yet to come.

Derek was silence as Stiles continued to work like he wasn't in the kitchen with him. Deciding it best to give Stiles his space, the older man walked into the living room and sat on the floor between his two little girls. He assumed Zayd was upstairs busy with work so he could just relax at the party tonight. His boy was always so hard working. And much too smart for a boy his age.  
"Daddy look! Papa said my job is to make crowns for all the kids tonight!" Netta smiled, holding up the mess of glue and glitter on a roughly cut up template of a crown. "But I'm making myself the shine-iest one!" She grinned smugly, and Derek just wondered when had his little girl who used to cling to him get so confident? When did she get so tall? Derek wondered how he missed all this. A full year and Netta had changed so much, she was always chatty and loud (Derek always jokes that that part was Stile's fault), but his little girl was always one to shy away from new things or refuse to explore anything if her parents weren't there. Now today she was comfortably crafting and even went Ice skating by herself with little help from her older brother - when did she even learn to skate this winter?  
His thoughts were interrupted by happy gurgles on his left, looking over at his baby girl rolling and kicking on her back while in her playpen. He watched her with amazement at how far Lily had come. 

He remembers how terrified he was when the doctors wouldn't hand newborn Lily over to Stiles straight away, how much Stiles wept when their baby spent her first night in the world in a room far from them as doctors spoke their jargon about her condition. Derek HAD to be the strong one for the family, Zayd was and is still too young to have that burden and Netta was asking too many questions about why her sister wasn't coming home yet. Derek had to keep his children calm and be a shoulder for his husband to cry on while keeping his internal horror about the possible fate of their new baby all to himself. He cried in private in the showers when they finally brought her home after a full week in the hospital. And even after she got better Derek...He just couldn't be home. He tried his best to support Stiles- his husband suffering symptoms of postpartum depression with the added anxiety of Lily, Derek had to watch as Stiles suffered sleepless nights watching over the young girl, too scared she would die in her sleep. Derek stayed up with him when he could but it was affecting his work. Soon even when things got better, Derek was still too scared to hold Lily longer than a minute, she was so small and fragile and work- work became an escape. Work made sense to him, he didn't have a baby he was terrified would be dead once he walked through the door at work, he didn't have a husband falling apart while a 5 year old who didn't understand anything was scared or a son who was trying to fast to be a man and be there for his family (he still remembers Zayd's insistence that he could get a job and help care for the family if needed) when that wasn't his place.

Soon a simple escape turned into long restless nights at the office. Derek knew from the moment he missed Stiles Birthday that things were not going well between them. Stiles questioned why Derek was away so much, who he was with, why he wasn't going near Lily, why he missed Zayd's first Lacrosse game, missed Lily's first birhday ect... With every question, Derek grew even more distant with vague promises of being better only to purposely book case reviews that would last days longer than they should. The older man missed time with his family he did, but he couldn't handle Stile's insecurities making him feel as if he was guilty for something he has no idea of.  
At least, something he used to be innocent of. It all started when Luke entered his life officially...  
Luke.

Getting up quickly, kissing Nettas head and waving at a blissful Lily, Derek ran to get his jacket and headed to the kitchen.  
"Baby I have to handle a work thing." At Stiles tired expression as if he was waiting for it (expecting it even), Derek told himself to ignore it this one last time because it definitely would be the last time he caused such a face. Grabbing his keys and rushing out the house, he got into the car and sped off towards Luke's apartment. Maybe there was a flower shop near there too, Stiles deserved flowers.  
He deserved a lot and Derek was finally going to give it to him.

Luke Russo was 22, he was a young hopeful law student who was interning at a law firm as law students do to gain experience for their future career.  
Luke was also a whore.  
And he admitted it proudly. It wasn't his fault that men already in relationships came to him, he never started the interaction. He was just along for the ride. Though a married man he as never been with. Dating or engaged oh, absolutely. But he has always hesitated with married men. That is until he found himself to be interning under the strong gaze of one Mr Derek Hale. Unlike everyone else in the building who seemed to look down on him as some rookie, Mr Hale - Derek actually wanted to help him learn. Derek took the extra time to explain the details of a case, the real application of Mens rea and Actus Rea, the importance of causation in regards to the victims death. And all while looking so fucking good for someone in his mid 40s. Seriously, Luke never considered himself as someone with a daddy kink (he has a great relationship with his dad thank you) but he would call Mr Hale anything he wanted him too. Except that as of now, Derek was married. And happily it seemed, Derek always talked so proudly of his family, especially his newly pregnant husband. Showed the ultrasound photos and everything. He had home cooked lunches made by his husband for crying out loud! Luke hated this husband he had yet to meet. It was almost nerve wracking how easily Mr Hale pushed away his flirtatious advances (Luke having to make the first move for once!) and just laughed it off, all it did was make Luke want him even more.

But after the baby was born, it seemed clear something happened with Mr Hale. The man who used to rush home as soon as work was done now slept in his office most nights, he didn't have those home cooked meals anymore and there pictures of his kids that usually were scattered all over his desk were now placed now. No new framed baby photos being added either. Luke wasn't a complete idiot, he pieced the puzzle together and thought the baby must have not survived- a miscarriage or whatever; either way his marriage was suffering. But he wouldn't ask the man so candidly about it but after a few months in the office, he genuinely for worried for the once proud man (still handsome though).

One night, when everyone else had gone and he knew only he and Mr Hale were left, he decided to drop the man off some of HIS home cooked meals since clearly he wasn't going home for dinner tonight. Knocking on the door, the light brunette entered.  
"Mr Hale?" He asked, poking his head in to see the man hunched over his desk looking over some documents which he bets have already been checked 10 times over by now.  
"Luke? Shouldn't you be headed home by now? It's late." Ugh, ever the caring saint of course Derek would ask about Luke first. God could this man at least TRY to be unattractive please!  
"I thought you would like some dinner. You missed lunch after all." He said gently, walking in and locking the door just in case before he settled at the desk and placed the container of homemade meat pie on the desk. "Made it myself." If there was a slight edge to his voice, it seemed like Derek didn't catch it. The older man thanked him and opened it up, letting out an appreciative hum as he took the first spoonful. Luke almost preened at the fact that it was his food that did that. "See? My mom always said a full stomach makes everything better."  
"Not everything..." Derek sighed dejectedly and Luke didn't like that one bit. He wanted, no he needed to see the strong confident man that's guided him the past few months, the one that looks so damn innocent yet sinful when he smiles. And Luke was experienced enough to know when he saw an opening. Standing up, the young man closed the container up and placed it to the side,along with the spoon he plucks from Derek's hands. He leans over the desk and tentatively runs a finger down Derek's face, along his stubble jawline and lifted his face to meet the mans confused and tired expression.  
"Derek..." He did something with his voice, something that made the man visibly swallow. "I can make you feel better. Whatever it is, whatever hurts..." He leaned down closer, tempting the man with a kiss as he stopped just a breath short of his lips. "All you have to do is say yes..."  
What he got instead was a quick shove back, Derek standing and shaking his head as he woke up from whatever trance he was under a moment ago.  
"Russo." Normally Luke hated being addressed by his second name like he was below someone, but he LOVED it from Derek and just wanted to get under him. "This is highly inappropriate! I'm your senior, you're an intern here! Hell, I'm married!"  
"Could have fooled me." Derek stopped at those blunt words.  
"What the hell does that mean?"  
"Everyone in the office can see you've been having marital issues Mr Hale. Even scatterbrained Jane!" Luke scoffed, moving to sit on the desk. "But whatever it is, it's not your fault. You're a good man Mr Hale. No matter what your husband says." And oh? It looks like that struck a nerve because Derek look tired again. Luke stretch his arm out, gripping Derek's tie and pulling him close, wrapping his legs around the man once he was close enough. "You are soooo good to me Mr Hale. No one else treats me like you do." His voice was low again, sultry. "I don't believe the rumours either Mr Hale, that your husband is unsatisfied." Absolute lies, everyone respects Derek too much to be gossiping about his marriage troubles yet that seems to strike another nerve with Derek as he clenched his fists. "You know how to make him feel good don't you Mr Hale? Why don't you show me...Derek?" He almost pleaded the man's name and that was it. He broke through as finally he got his long waited kiss.  
He fucking deserved that and the pounding into the desk he got right after.

It continued on like that for month, and Luke loved it. It wasn't just sex either, he loved when Derek would give him all the juicy details about is marriage falling apart. Derek blamed himself too much in Luke's opinion! How could Stiles not see how much Derek was suffering? He's not the only one dammit! The more he heard about this husband, he hated him. But Derek didn't. Luke saw it whenever they were done having mind blowing sex and Derek had that same look of regret. He saw it when Luke would put on a marvel movie to watch and Derek would somehow related each of Luke's comments back to Stiles ("Oh my god, I can't believe Iron man would do that!" "Stiles has an argument for that" Ugh...). So clearly Luke still had some work to do because that man still loved Stiles.

Which is why Luke was only half surprised when just before 6pm on News Years Eve (the 6 months anniversary mark of their affair), Derek Hale was knocking on his door with this to say:

"I'm ending this. Now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much every for the kind comments and kudos. Comments are big motivation for me to keep writing and gain inspiration for chapters so keep em coming!
> 
> Also, did Anyone get the Archer reference? XD


	4. Mess You Up For Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek and Luke have an argument, Derek's guilt grows and he makes a decision he knows he's going to regret. Meanwhile, Stiles is trying to keep a smile up at the party,trying to convince everyone and himself that Derek is on his way but he gets a surprise he won't like.

Derek was beyond confused about what the hell he said was funny as the man in front of him laughed in his face.  
"What the hell are you laughing at? I'm serious!" He said sternly.  
"No you're not! That's why it's hilarious!" Luke cried almost hysterically as he closed the door once Derek was in. Seeing the green eyed man look at him, Luke smirked and leaned back against the door. "This isn't the first time you've said something like this Mr Hale." He continued. Derek did this almost every time they had sex at the beginning of their little sex-cacpades and now only now and then when he felt he couldn't handle the guilt- 'This is the last time or 'Never again' or 'I have a husband' blah blah blah! "You might think that's what you want because that's what you WANT to feel and convince yourself but it's not." Luke said easily, as if it was fact. Moving closer he wrapped his arms around Derek's shoulders because this is how it's ended every other time, getting a grumpy look on his face that was a mixture of guilt and frustration before promptly fucking Luke over whatever surface was closer so Derek had something else to focus on other than the fact he was full of shit when it came to breaking this deal off. "Now, how about you bend me over my new couch and we can fuck until the New Years countdown on TV begins." He practically giggled with excitement as he grabbed Derek's hand to lead him away for Luke's favourite activity.  
Except that didn't happen.  
What happened instead was Derek gripped Luke's hand and pulling him back. Like the other times, the man's expression of guilt and frustration was there again; unlike the other times, Derek wasn't going in for a rough kiss to vent his emotions. A steady grip on the younger man's shoulder as he kept him at arms length, Derek spoke.  
"I mean it Luke..." He began softly. "This...all of this was a mistake. I just wasn't man enough to admit it to myself, was too selfish and cowardly to stop it. But I'm done trying to run away from my problems and leaving my husband to suffer alone. I'm so over making things worse then acting surprised and angry when it blows up in my face." Letting go of him, Derek let out deep breath. "I don't want to be someone who blames others, you won't lose your internship over this and I won't let it affect your career. If you want a new supervisor I understand, but we are nothing more than professional coworkers now. We will only talk during work hours and if you need me outside of work then you will send an email through the company's supervised server. Goodbye Russo." His speech was more formal near the end but he felt...lighter. Derek felt like he was finally doing something right and headed in the right direction in getting his family back. Going home now, he would take a long shower and commit himself over the next few weeks to reconnecting with his family - especially Stiles during the hours the kids were at school- a movie marathon just for them- while Lily would be entertaining herself in the room or snuggling by them. God, he had to hold his little miracle baby more too. And play some games with Zayd! Princess Netta would need some much awaited piggyback rides too! In the morning he'll arrange some time off work, or at least lesser hours. It'll do him and Luke good to be away from each other for awhile.

Derek turned to exit the apartment, placing his spare keys on the coffee table while muttering out another apology. Suddenly a brush of wind went past his face as a vase smashed against the front door, just missing his head. Derek watched in shock as turquoise and white broken pieces of heavy ceramics fell and scattered across the floor.  
"Bullshit Hale! BULLSHIT!" Luke yelled at him angrily, a furious glare directed at the man he just propositioned for sex not 2 minutes ago. "All this crap about being a man and a coward! What, are you suddenly going to tell your husband about what we've been doing the past few months!?" He laughed bitterly as Derek froze and continued. "You weren't were you!? Not even how you had an argument with your husband dear and then ran to ME in the middle of the night? When was that...? Oh right yesterday! And you've been doing that for 6 months Derek!" He knew what exactly to say to destroy Derek even more. "So fucking shit about wanting to run home and play happy families with a man that doesn't even love you-"  
"Stiles does love me!"  
"Not for long he won't. And you already don't love him." Luke knew that wasn't true, he knows that the only reason Derek hasn't run off with him is because of how much he loves his family.  
"You don't know how I feel!" Derek yelled back.  
"OH I do! After all the crap you've told me he's done, all the times he's left you to suffer alone - you don't fake feelings like that!"  
"He didn't know!"  
"He didn't want to know! That fucker didn't want to listen to you-!" Luke almost felt the air leave him as Derek gripped his shirt, looking more terrifying than ever and good lord that was such a turn on.  
"I know I've made mistakes. I know that even without knowing what I've truly done, I will have to gain Stiles love and trust back. As fast as I lost it, it will take me twice as long to gain it back. But that. Doesn't. Concern. You." He roughly shoved Luke back, knowing he shouldn't be saying all this to him but to Stiles and his children. Luke was almost shaking rage now, catching himself against the couch to not fall pathetically to his knees.  
"And what of me Mr Hale..." He gritted out, "After using me for 6 months, you suddenly want to break it off and leave me all because you decided on this new years resolution of yours? 'New year new me' shit?" He mocked the sentiment. Derek watched him carefully before glancing around the apartment. It was void of any sign that anyone except Luke lived here. Was the young man going to be all alone on New Years Eve?  
Luke watched the hesitant shine in Derek's eyes and knew he had found his new angle to play. Letting go of the couch, he fell to his knees and caught his head in his hands, weeping on cue (years of crocodile crying in front of his parents for certain presents and whatever amount of money he wanted paying off). Derek, ever the naive moron, approached him carefully.  
"Luke are you..." He tried unsure of himself, wanting to leave and wash his hands of this but not wanting to leave Luke like this. Especially since it was his own doing.  
"I-I'm sorry Mr Hale..." He cried harder. "Please don't look at me. I've already shown myself to be pathetic as it is..." Sniffling and wiping at his eyes furiously, he blinked newly puffy eyes up at the older man with a tight and sad smile. "Go to your husband who you love so much...You're right. This should have stopped long ago. He doesn't - God! I'm truly nothing but a whore to be used..."  
"No no Luke-" As planned, Derek fell to his knees and pulled the brunette in for a hug. "This is my doing, my actions. You were just unfortunate to get caught up in it."  
"I... I'm just so scared to be left alone Mr Hale." Luke said, moving back from the hug so the man could see his face. Derek's resolve practically broke at that but Luke didn't get the response he was expecting.  
"Do you still wanna see the new years eve countdown on TV?"

Stiles sat on the bay window of the living room, waiting for Derek's headlights to shine through the dark of night as a signal that he was home. Their friends had arrived, Stiles' dad not coming on Stiles' own insistence after a gunshot to his leg while on duty last week. His dad promised to come after a 2 more weeks of bed rest and have their own mini belated celebration which Stiles was already looking forward to. The party was going on behind him, everyone enjoying some drinks and the starters on the table while the kids all played, with Zayd being the eldest keeping an eye on them all- there were no kids his age, the closest was Allison and Scott's 10 year old Kaitlyn. Speaking of Scott, Stiles didn't even have to look to know his best friend's worried expression was pointed at him as he sat besides Stiles.  
"Hey man." Stiles greeted smiling over with a laugh. "What's up with that face? Trying to still figure out how Allison settled for you? Sorry Scotty, I don't have an answer either." He teased, trying to hide his turmoil.  
"More like trying to figure out why you're not enjoying your own party. Everything alright with Lily?" Scott was there on the phone every night with Stiles during that hard time. But Scott knew he didn't need to worry because Derek was by his best friend's side. At least he thought he was. He sure wasn't here tonight.  
"Lily's fine Scott it's just...I wanna be at the door when Derek comes home." He saw the question Scott wanted to ask and quickly rushed out, "He had a last minute work thing! But he texted me that he was on his way home now..." Which he did 5 minutes ago surprisingly. Lately Derek just left Stiles worried and guessing. As if on cue to prove his point, and save himself from more questioning, Stiles heard the familiar roar of Derek's car and the lights of said car as his husband pulled up to the driveway. "That's him!" Stiles told his friend, who just nodded with a reserved smile, before heading off to open the door.  
Now Derek WAS at the door but he wasn't alone.

"Stiles, this is Luke Russo. We work together. I told him he could join us for New Years."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Larry fic that inspired this was found by the wonderful Sunless_Garden in the comments:  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/1762775 however I believe it's no longer available for none Ao3 users to view unforinately :(
> 
> This Chapter was very talk heavy, I'm not as proud as this chapter as the last one. But I also didn't want to repeat myself in a few areas as I feel like this part/arc of the story is coming to a close and new themes will be introduced soon enough.
> 
> Thank you for comments! Like I said, they're big motivation for continuing this story and gaining ideas so thank you and keep them coming! :D


	5. Where There Is A Flame Someones Bound to Get Burned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke mingles into the party as if he belongs there, Zayd is suspicious and doesn't like what this new guys presence is doing to his Papa and his daddy doesn't seem to notice.  
> Or is it that Dad doesn't really care?
> 
> Stiles is falling apart and he doesn't think he's going to last much longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is some outside p.o.v's on Derek and Stiles' marriage falling apart., mostly from Zayd and Scott and their interaction and impression of Luke.

Zayd Stilinski Hale has always admired the love his parents had for one another. Growing up he felt down right lucky to be surrounded by two caring parents who taught him right from wrong and never pressured him into anything- their only real goal for Zayd was that he would be happy no matter what he does. His Papa encouraged him to be kind and speak his mind but always be open to what people had to say, to not think the worst of people until he had actual evidence of their character, something his Dad also echoed but more from a lawyer perspective. However tonight, Zayd found these lessons difficult to utilise tonight, especially with this random stranger Dad had brought home with him. Zayd didn't like him. Not at all. The smile the young man was wearing while this stranger talked to him was difficult.  
"You're dad is really cool." Luke complimented, Zayd almost out right smacked him for that dreamy look on this man's face.  
"I know. He's my dad after all..." He muttered, looking around for some sort of escape from this conversation but Luke kept talking.  
"And so smart too! He's helped me out a lot back at the firm. I'm sure you get your smarts from him Zach, Mr Straigh A student.".  
"It's Zayd. My Pa and Dad gave me that name and that's the name you'll use." The 14 year old said almost pointedly, as if to remind the man opposite him that his Dad was a family man. That he was in fact married, though happily was a different question if Zayd has been seeing everything these past few months right...  
Luke pursed his lips and nodded stiffly, the young boy feeling a sick sort of satisfaction as he watched the suited man scan around the room looking for someone, and Zayd knows he's not looking for his dad this time.  
"So...where is your papa? I haven't seen him since I walked in. Bit rude don't you think kid?" Luke's pettiness was coming out a little and Zayd resisted a smirk at the slip of personalty from whatever care free attitude he was attempting.  
"Probably in the kitchen getting the chocolate cake ready for midnight. My Papa's an amazing cook, and his baking skills are a whole other level." Zayd bragged proudly, allowing himself to forget his humility for a moment since Papa isn't one to brag about himself so Zayd will do it for him! "Dad loves Pa's cooking, just as much as he loves Pa." A twist in his gut cause Zayd's smug smile to falter slightly as he watched Luke almost laugh into his drink at that. What was so funny?  
"Whatever you say sport. I'm going to go talk with some adults now." Luke ruffled the boy's hair, to which the dark haired boy glared at the mans retrieving back. Ass. What kind people does his dad work with? And why invite some young guy like that back to your home only an half an hour before midnight?

Zayd is an incredibly smart boy, his straight A's don't even come close to truly showing what he's capable of at his age. And at his age, at 14 where you're a teenager but still closer to a child, he picks up on things that people try to hide from him, things adults think they can get away with if they're careful enough, It's why Luke seemed okay to let his pettiness show to Zayd because he's just a kid, he must have presumed Zayd wouldn't have spotted his behavioural change. But the young boy saw through that act. Just like how he knows his Dad has been avoiding the house the last few months, avoiding Papa even more and going days without even looking at Lily. Its a clear unhealthy defence mechanism Zayd can guess was caused by Lily's struggles at birth. He knows from staying up at night that when his dad does come home late, he and Papa fight which results in Dad leaving to work away from home for a few day and Papa going downstairs to cry so he doesn't wake the kids up, not knowing that Zayd was watching him from the staircase anyway. Over the next few months with Dad and Papa not being able to exchange words without getting defensive or shouting and both making accusations and hurling insults that seem to hit to close to home, their 14 year old was beginning to piece the puzzle together. And now the final piece seemed to be Luke Russo - the 20 or 20 something year old (point is he was way younger than either Papa or Dad) that walked in with his father dressed up for a party, not like he just came back from the office. Dad went to Luke's house. He told Papa it was for a work thing.  
But Zayd is an incredibly smart boy who's grades don't even show his true potential and what he's capable of. He sees things that people try to hide from him if they're careful enough. But his dad wasn't careful enough.  
Zayd wishes he wasn't so smart sometimes.

"So...You work with Derek?" Scott questioned, an arm around Alison's waist as he starred down this young man.  
"Yes sir, I'm just an intern but I work very close with Mr Hale since he's taken me under his wing." Luke flashed a bright smile at them all, and edge to his boice as if he knew some kind of inside joke no one else did. Scott was thankful that Lydia seemed to give him a deadly obvious fake smile, all teeth and no warmth, right back.  
"Oh that's good. You get to hear about him gushing about Stiles and his children all day rather than us! He's such a love drunk full over Stiles it's a drag having to listen to him go on and on all day about it." Scott could tell the redhead was playing up her words and it seemed to strike a cord with Luke,  
"Really? He hasn't mentioned his family a lot around work, if at all really." Luke feigned innocence, blinking up back at Lydia clueless for a moment before smiling once more. "Maybe he's sobered up!" He was clearly going for a joke but the small circle of people only laughed lightly to be polite- Scott didn't feel polite enough for that, he didn't appreciate the implication of that joke (if it was one) at all.  
"So how old are you Luke?" Issac asked easily enough to ease the tension.  
"Oh 22, I started studying late because after high school I took a break. My parents gave me enough money for a 2 year long gap to explore myself-" Scott cut off listening right there. He probably sounded old, but he didn't like little rich kids who travelled the world riding on their daddy's coat tail and mommy's credit card then claimed it as some spiritual rubbish about finding themselves. It was pretentious, it was boastful and downright ungrateful- actually Scott realised Luke fitted that description exactly and tuned back in as the boy wrapped up his little ballad. "- and then my dad paid for college when I got back home at 20."  
Allison smiled sweetly at him because Scott's wife wasn't a judgemental ass that Scott was probably internally being. "How nice. You know, Stiles and Derek actually had to pay though college themselves."  
"Mr Hale has amazing work ethic and drive, I'm sure he did everything he could to provide for himself and Miles during those times."  
"Stiles. His name is Stiles." Scott spoke finally, having had enough of this pompous brat kid by now but still trying to keep calm, trying to remind himself that he didn't REALLY know Luke. "Only polite to know the name of your host."  
"Of course! My apologises!" Luke looked down at the floor bashfully. Scott had enough and excused himself from the small group as he got off from the sofa, saying he was going to check on the kids playing in the garden where Stiles had set up some gorgeous garden fairy lights along the fences.

Scott McCall always worried about Stiles since they were young. The boy was always one to go head first into something and never half ass it, giving 200% whether it be a physical activity or expressing his emotions. Stiles always took care of those around him and sometimes annoyingly hurting himself in the process. Like when his dad offered to pay for college and Stiles turned it down, asking his dad to put the money aside in an emergency fund should he DESPERATELY need it. But even when Stiles and Derek ran out of water, even when the gas was turned off, Stiles didn't touch the money and now it was going towards his kids college funds that he himself was now adding to instead of his dad. Which is how most of the choices Stiles make ended up being, always working out to help others before himself. It's the only reason Scott stopped speaking out about his friend's decisions, because they had a way of working out later on even if Scott took awhile to warm up to them out of worry for his friend. Hell, everyone knows Scott was completely against Stiles relationship with Derek when they started dating. Stiles was only 16! Derek was 5 years older than them and Scott had the usual (justified) concerns- was there consent, was Derek serious about Stiles, was Stiles wasting his high school and college years holding onto something going nowhere ect. Scott was always quick to judge people, he can admit that. But it comes from a place of love for Stiles and because of his love, he gave Derek a chance; only after he got confirmation from the Sheriff that Derek promised not to have sex with Stiles until he was of age, which he knew was true when they finally did have sex on Stiles' 18 and Scott heard ALL the gory details about it on the phone (God help his FBI agent who was probably listening in that day). But even after all that, Scott was still surprised when at 18, only a few months after his birthday, he told Scott about his plans to propose to Derek. Now that fight almost ruined their friendship.  
Scott told Stiles he was being stupid, he was only 18, starting college and neither of them were in a place financially to pay for a wedding and that Scott has a bad gut feeling about all this. Stiles argued that Scott wasn't his dad, that he knows in is heart since he was 16 and went on that first date with Derek that he was going to marry him one day and that day was coming soon. That if Scott didn't like where the train was headed, he should get off it. Scott told Stiles he was being ridiculous and didn't believe him he would actually go through with it until he saw the picture Stiles uploaded on facebook that same day of him and Derek at the courthouse smiling as they held up a marriage certificate.  
Scott still went to the after party 2 days after and he and Stiles hugged like the fight never happened.

Stiles gave everything he had to Derek and Scott saw that through the years they were together, from staying in a cramped dingy building through college wile the man was trying to make it through work to giving Derek 3 children and quitting his teaching job to look after them- Scott felt it was his duty as the best friend to protect Stiles and have his back in everything even though Derek was right there and gave Stiles back just as much as he got for 21 years.  
Except this year. Except during the aftermath of Lily coming home and Scott was the one who once again over the phone had to listen to his best friend cry his heart out in pain only to go quiet when Scott asked where Derek was. And now today, Scott flies him and his family over for New Years Eve party that Stiles was preparing by himself, his husband nowhere to be seen until hours later with a 22 year old (he would have been born the year the couple got engaged) by his side.  
Scott has always been a judgemental person, especially when it comes to the people around Stiles. But Stiles loves Derek so Scott gave his blessing and soon warmed up to Derek and his gut feeling went away.  
So why now 22 years later and the appearance of some law student is the feeling back?

Stiles leaning against the kitchen counter as he listened to Derek speak.  
"I'm sorry I ran off before but I told you it was a work emergency. I got to Luke's apartment and saw he was going to be alone on New Years. I couldn't let that happen to the kid Stiles!" Derek tried to explain, but Stiles knew there was something he wasn't telling him and truthfully he was too afraid to pry. After all of Derek's theatrics at the lake, Stiles hated himself for feeling guilty about not believing he was trying to change. God how stupid was he?  
"So you brought him here? He's a college student, he should have just joined a fraternity or go to a club if he was going to be lonely tonight! But no, you had to bring him to OUR home! With our kids!"  
"Why are you being so cold? I was just trying to do something nice!" Derek cussed instantly, knowing that was the wrong thing to say completely. Stiles glared as he threw his arms up in the air.  
"Oh my god! I didn't realise only certain people deserve to have kindness from you! Who am I as your Husband to expect such a thing? I'm so sorry Derek, you're a saint truly!" He was trying not to yell, there were still their friends in the living room as Jackson was outside with Erica and Boyd setting up the fireworks and sparklers in the garden. Stiles turned his back to Derek, wiping away a stray tear. Tonight of all nights he didn't want to be crying. The air was thick and the tension was heavy for a few minutes until Stiles felt strong arms around around his waist and a chest against his back.  
"Please. It's just one guest Stiles. It's New Years Eve, let's enjoy it okay?" He spoke softly and Stiles almost gave in again. He kept his back turned to collect himself as he heard footsteps of someone coming into the kitchen.  
"Dad? Pa? Everyone's in the garden now. Only 2 minutes until midnight left." Zayd said hesitantly, knowing he probably just walking into the end of another argument. Derek cleared his throat and nodded.  
"Thanks son. I'll bring the cake out." Derek turned back to Stiles, leaving him a light kiss against his temple before taking the 2 layer chocolate fudge cake Stiles had been slaving over all day to the garden. Zayd looked over at Stiles who took a deep breath before facing his son.  
"Come on Zayd, don't want to miss the countdown. We'll-" He was stopped abruptly on his way to the garden as his sudden hugged him tightly suddenly. Stiles slowly hugged back, relaxing slightly at the slightly shorter boy; he was already too tall.  
"I love you Papa." The boy mumbled against the mans shoulder, Stiles grinning a little.  
"Love you too kid. Thought you were getting to old to say I love you."  
"Never." The pair shared a light laugh and went out to the garden to join his friends.

Scott was with Alison, holding a cute little Kaitlyn in his arms as she waved around a sparkler. Jackson was sat on top of the picnic table with Lydia, watching Boyd and Erica ready to set the fireworks. The original plan was to watch the countdown on TV, but then Jackson bought some fireworks and here they all are outside with Issac streaming a live countdown on his phone and connecting it to come portable speakers. Stiles saw Derek stood besides Netta near the picnic blanket Lily and baby Ryland (Jackson and Lydia's 1 and half year old) were playing, both sporting Nettas makeshift crown hats. To his relief, he couldn't see that Luke boy anywhere. He hoped maybe the boy was inside watching the countdown to midnight by himself, or even better he's left. He sat down with Zayd on the blanket, the two infants between them as Netta laughed, falling into Stile's lap and snuggling against him.  
Soon everyone started yelling the 10 seconds aloud.  
"10!

9!

8!

7!

6!

5!-"

Boyd and Erica set the match, everyone turning to their spouse for a kiss, but Stiles didn't look at Derek.

"4!

3!

2!

1!"

The fireworks went off into the sky, exploding in beautiful colours. Stiles looked towards his husband.

And his whole world went up in flames as he watched his Derek share a deep kiss with Luke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is my longest chapter so far.  
> Next Chapter is going to be the long awaited confrontation. Thank you for all the support! Comments are as always welcomed and are my drive to do more! Give em coming and again thank you all!


	6. Can You Hear And See Me Now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the kiss, their friends react in kind but what terrifies Derek more than anything is how quiet and calm Stiles is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friends reactions and Stiles' trying to do whats best and whats right.

Derek was actually looking forward to midnight. It would be the start of a new year and the start of making up for his neglect the past year to his family. The countdown had started he looked to Stiles sat on the blanket with their kids and cute little Ryland. His husband wasn't looking at him, clearly not wanting a kiss so Derek was going to settle for a hug, a kiss Stiles' cheek if he let him. But That didn't happen.  
When the fireworks hit the sky, Derek was too distracted to notice lean arms wrap around him and pull him in for a kiss. Maybe because those arms were a familiar feeling to him by now and Derek hated that, so much he almost threw up right in Luke face as he shoved him back once his body was out of shock. But the damage was done. Looking right at him was Stiles, his husband, the love of his life, with the most heartbroken expression Derek had ever seen. And that's all he could focus on, sure there was commotion behind him of their friends yelling at him and Luke -he's pretty sure Scott was in front of him right now yelling- but all he could concentrate on was the look of utter and complete betrayal in Stiles' now dead eyes. It was Derek was seeing him for the first time in years, the man had bags under his eyes, hair scattered around and looked only to be roughly combed through for the party and his once radiant skin now becoming blotchy as tears streamed down his face yet Stiles wasn't making noise.  
Derek had caused all that. He hadn't had time to even think of an apology before he caught Scott raising an arm back, fist ready to punch him hard across the face until Lydia stopped him.  
"Scott, I understand how you feel, but the kids..." She gritted out, clearly trying to maintain her own anger. That seemed to snap Stiles out of whatever trance he was in as well as wiped his tears and turned to face Zayd. Derek felt sick again as he realised his children just witnessed this spectacle.  
"Zayd. I need you to take the kids to your room okay? Please?" Stiles didn't like making his eldest son babysit all the younger ones when they were all together like this but it was important right. "Put on a movie or-"  
"It's okay Pa...I understand." Derek hated that, he hated how...withdrawn that sounded. Like he knew. Zayd had always known hadn't he? The older boy didn't even look at his father as he passed him, carrying both infants and the trail of little confused or joyfully ignorant children following behind him upstairs. The adults were all silent in the garden until Scott saw the lights to Zayd's bedroom turn on and the boy coming to the window to lock the window and close the blinds.  
Scott didn't hesitate to punch Derek then right at the jaw, the man just letting him. All hell broke loose once more.

"What the fuck do you think you were doing!?" Scott yelled, Lydia by his side.  
"First you bring some twink whore home with you and then you kiss him!?"  
"Stiles been here all day slaving away, where the fuck were you? With him!?"  
Almost all their friends were yelling at Derek now, Erica being held back by Boyd trying to stop his wife from clawing his face off, though mostly so Erica didn't ruin her nails not for Derek's sake. Even Jackson, who was more a passive friend to Stiles through Lydia as their middle was at the man's side along with Allison trying to get Stiles to talk as he was on his knees at the blanket. The tears hadn't stopped still.  
"Scott..." Issac called out with worry, trying to be heard over the deafening anger of everyone. Scott turned around and instantly fell on his own knees in front of Stiles and hugged him tight, hiding the mans face against his shoulder because Derek didn't deserve to look at him right now. Yet through all this chaos, someone still managed to get a good laugh.  
Lydia whipped around to face Luke who was clearly enjoying the show. Taking her heel off, she throw it at the man, just narrowly missing his head (and a lawsuit).  
"Don't you have anything to say you disgusting fuck!?" Lydia practically screeched, "You're standing there as if you haven't just broken up a family!"  
"Please bitch, I don't have to say anything to you." At that, Scott watched as Stiles gently pushed away from him and stood up. Everyone watched quietly as Stiles approached Derek. The older man held his breath as Stiles got closer, expecting a punch, telling him to go die in hell- anything at all that Derek knew he deserved. What he didn't expect was Stiles to point at Luke before staring up at Derek blankly.  
"You and him...get out of my house. Have whatever bullshit talk you want with him. This is your chance to run off with him like you so clearly want." He said with..absolutely no emotion and it struck so much fear in Derek. This couldn't be it...after 22 years this couldn't be the end of them! Luke looked more than happy with himself and that just pissed Derek off even more. He grabbed the young man's wrist, almost bruising it, and stormed around the side of the house to the front. This was all ending here.

Stiles stood so still and Scott was too scared to touch him. He knows it's irrational but he feels like if he touched his friend then he would simply disappear into dust. Boyd was the one to speak up first surprisingly.  
"I think it's best if we get out kids and leave..." He suggested gently, thought he didn't want to just leave Stiles in such a state but what more could the rest of them do? They had their own children to think about as well.  
"We aren't leaving him here! Are you insane!?" Erica glared at her husband.  
"No no please...Boyd's right." Stiles croaked out, turning to his friends with a sad smile. "I'm sorry you all had to see that, your kids had to see that. But...this is between Derek and I." If his husband comes back that is, but Stiles is afraid maybe he did take the chance to run off with the college student. "I'm so sorry."  
"Stiles, I will throw my other shoe at you if you apologise again." Lydia hissed out, but no indication that she was actually mad at him. "This is HIS fault, not yours do you understand me?" She couldn't help but feel proud as he her own husband held Stiles up, the exhausted man looking like he was going to pass out from grief. Scott turned to Allison to whisper gently.  
"I know we have a flight home tomorrow but I can't just leave knowing Stiles is going to be alone..."  
"I understand." His wonderful wife nodded in agreement. "Book a few more nights at out hotel room just until you have an idea where the situation is going or longer if you want. I'll take our little Kaitlyn home." She said, Scott resisting the urge to kiss her then and there. It wouldn't be right in front of Stiles right now. Everyone else seemed to be in agreement of leaving but not after they all guided Stiles back inside. In 10 minutes, they had all gathered their kids, only Stiles and Derek's own remaining upstairs, and said their good byes to the man. Scott watched from the window as everyone left, revelling in bitter satisfaction as they all didn't acknowledge Derek still arguing with his side whore outside. Grabbing his coat and heading for the door, he looked once more at Stiles, still void of emotion as he seemed fixated on a spot on the floor.  
"You sure you don't want me to stay."  
"If anyone is going to hit him next it'll be me. You can go Scott." Stiles sighed out, completely ruined and Scott hated everything about it but if Stiles wanted him to leave for tonight than he would.  
"Just call me if you need me. Doesn't matter what time it is okay?"  
"Okay." And that was it. Scott wasn't expecting much more, not tonight. Letting out a deep breath, he stepped out and headed toward his car, his family with his beautiful wife and child.  
How or why Derek would want to ruin such a thing is beyond him.

"Are you fucking insane!?" Derek flung Luke against his black car the pair had come in, the one the pair have fucked in on multiple occasions. God Derek felt so fucking sick, both at himself and Lucas. "You think that was funny!?"  
"Hilarious, actually." Luke smirked, so smug and proud of himself before reaching out and grabbing onto Derek's hand. "You wanna punish me Mr Hale? How about right here on your front lawn? Real romantic with your neighbours fireworks going off! Oh, your ex husband can watch from the window!" He laughed joyously as he moved to cling onto Derek who shoved him back with disgust. After all that's happen...Derek can't even look at this...this kid! He doubled over gripping his stomach.  
"I fucked a kid over my own husband..." That one sentence put an end to Luke's smugness and ignited a fire. He moved forward and smacked Derek's arm.  
"I'm not a kid Derek! I'm 22 and you love me!" He absolutely hated that glare Derek gave him. "This is our chance at a better life! No brat kids holding you back, and I'll actually give a damn about you! Come on Derek-" He was pleading desperately now, grabbing onto the man only to have him move further away from him. "You think you have him to go back to now? He doesn't want you Derek! I'm you're only choice!"  
"NO! You're not! Get it through your fucking thick skull that I don't love you!" He was done being nice to this asshole, being nice is why he's out here in the first place. But it's not the only reason and he's well aware of that. "My ONLY option is to go back inside and salvage whatever I can of my marriage, my only option is to beg on my knees for a brilliant, gorgeous man for forgiveness over all the crap I am putting him and our children through! I don't owe you SHIT! And I am definitely not running away with you!" He ran a hand over his face. "You're fired Luke." He said suddenly. Luke looked absolutely furious.  
"What?" He laughed sardonically. "You want to FIRE me? You're the one that fucked ME Mr Hale! YOU fucked up your marriage. Fire me all you want but that isn't going to get him to forgive you!" Luke wanted to make him angry, trigger him, to make him loose his mind. Just one last shot to prove how far his claws were in Derek. But that wasn't the case anymore.  
"Goodbye Russo." Derek said, not giving him anymore ammo to use against him or any other response back. Just walked back inside to face his husband.

The house was quiet when Derek entered. No sign of Stiles in the living room. There was still confetti and and alcohol bottles, have eaten food dishes and dirty plates everywhere. You would think that is was a good party and not the aftermath of secrets being let loose and hearts being broken. Derek decided to head upstairs, see if he would find Stiles there. He also wanted to check on his kids.  
At the top of the stairs was Netta room first, the cracked slightly open and the light of her butterfly beside lamp being on. Derek lingered by the doorway to peak inside, seeing Zayd cuddling a sniffling Netta against him.  
"Why was Papa crying so much? Is he made at Daddy? Is Daddy gonna go away with that other man?" Derek felt his heartbreak all over again at his baby girl saying such things, having these worries. Whats worse is that his son was the one having to comfort his sister for their Fathers actions.  
"Don't cry Netta. Daddy still loves you, you know that."  
"What about Papa? Doesn't he love Papa anymore?" Netta whined sadly against her brothers chest, Zayd swallowing hard.  
"Don't worry about a thing Princess. Sometimes adults fight you know? We fight, doesn't mean I don't love you. Even when you broke my PS4 controller." He smirked a little as she let out a small giggle. He lay her down in bed, brushing some hair out her eyes. "See? Now get some sleep. I'll be right here the whole time." He told his sister gently. Derek was filled with so much pride at what kind of man Zayd was becoming. And he knows damn well that it's because of Stiles they have such wonderful children, Derek doesn't deserve to even think it has anything to do with him now.  
He headed to Lily's room next. The baby was in her crib, the older man taking a few moments to track her breath, lifting her top up slightly to check how deeply she was breathing. After everything checked out, he sighed in relief before leaning down and kissing her head.  
"Daddy is so sorry..." He whispered, willing himself not t cry. He still had to find Stiles. Checking the battery on the baby monitor, the broken man walked to the bedroom he shared with his husband. He wasn't there either and Derek almost panicked before noticing the garden lamp post outside was still on. Practically running downstairs, rushing past the kitchen and into the garden, he saw Stiles curled on one of the rattan chairs in their garden, starring out at the large space before him. Derek almost wept with relief but again it wasn't the time to cry.

Stiles was busy replaying the events that had unfolded in his mind over and over again, too busy to notice Derek taking a seat besides him for a few moments before he realised. He didn't turn to look at the man who was still in that damn suit. They sat in silence for a long time, Stiles was wearing a sweater but Derek still wondered if he was cold with the night air around them. He was about to offer to get him a blanket, or even his blazer before Stiles spoke.  
"Why couldn't you have done this years ago?" Stiles asked, his voice raw and broken but holding back in as his shoulders tensed up.  
"W-What do you mean?" Derek has never felt so stupid in his life.  
"I mean, why couldn't you have fucked someone else while we were dating? Or while we were in that shitty little building?" Stiles clenched his fists but that was his only movement, his face didn't show his anger and his voice didn't rise or waver. Stiles was just blank. "Why now, when we have children, have build a fucking life together? Why not when we had nothing and I walk out with only myself to fix." He suddenly clamped his hand over his mouth as he breathed heavily, trying not to choke on the tears he was holding back. Because Stiles still loved this bastard dammit, he would still feel so scared and betrayed if Derek did this years ago but at least it would be just him and not they're fucking children that had to deal with all this when they had NOTHING to do with it. Yet they were victims now too.  
Derek watched Stiles in horror, wanting to reach out and grip him tightly, scared that he was going to have a panic attack at any moment but knew any movement he made towards the man wouldn't be welcomed.  
"Stiles...It's not like I planned this out."  
"You just planned never to tell me right?" Stiles doesn't know if he would have preferred that, to live in ignorance of their broken marriage. He took another deep breath before going blank again. "How long?"  
"...It started 6 months ago." Derek answered reluctantly, but if Stiles deserved anything right now that Derek could give him, it was honesty and transparency. Stiles nodded in acknowledgement of the answer.  
"Just after Lily's 8th appointment. Right..." He sighed, just so fucking tired of everything. "I want a divorce."  
Derek felt his heart absolutely shatter and he got on his knees in front of Stiles as fast as he could, trying to look into his eyes and he hugged his lap. He doesn't care about whatever damn pride he's meant to have right now, Derek was about to lose everything!  
"Stiles, Baby please no. One more chance! I know I was a shit husband way before all this and fucking that idiot is just the tip of a whole fucked up ice berg of problems, but I love you so much please believe me!" He cried, Stiles trying to hold back his own tears as he felt Derek's head fall against his head.  
"You going to let me finish?" He asked with a bite and edge to his voice. "I want a divorce, but it's not that easy. Unlike you, I'm actually thinking about the children we have." He said, nudging Derek off his lap so he fell back on his ankles, having no energy to actually shove the bastard. Silence fell over the pair again, neither really in a condition to speak again. But Derek wasn't going to give up dammit.  
"So what do we do?" He asked desperately, needing a direction or a point to start. "I will so anything, just please tell me what it is."  
"I don't know..." Stiles said sadly. The only reason, the one and only sole reason he's not just outright demanding Derek fuck off and never come back until they meet with a divorce mediator is their kids. Because Derek is a shit husband no doubt, and Stiles doesn't know how they'll ever be alright but Derek deserves a chance to make it up to his children who still love him. "But the first step is...you're gonna have to get out the house. I don't care where you go but you cannot stay here Derek. I...I just can't see you or have you near me right now. Sleeping in the same house." He shuddered out, his resolve slowly falling. Derek swallowed hard but it wasn't a divorce. At least not yet, he didn't want to even think about them getting to that point.  
"Okay...what do you want to tell the kids?"  
"I'm not telling them shit." Stiles showed anger for the first time in his eyes, but only a flash before he regained his composure. "You're going to explain to them tomorrow why you're leaving. Don't even think of putting that on me and trying to make me out to to be the bad guy."  
"I would never." He responded quickly, watching as Stiles stood from the chair, about to head inside but stopped at the door.  
"I will deal with you sleeping here tonight. Out here or the couch but you are not coming to the bedroom. Then tomorrow morning, tell the kid's whatever you want, then you pack your shit and leave." He doesn't want his children seeing their parents arguing. Derek, feeling numb, nodded as Stiles went inside and headed upstairs. Allowing himself a few minutes to cry as much as he wanted out in the garden, releasing silent blank screams into the night. Derek cried over how now his marriage is in limbo, he cried at how he's put his kids through so much at their age. But mostly, he cried because of what a fuck up he was and how apparently he could destroy his life quickly but be so lost in how to fix it now.  
Stiles was watching from the bedroom window as the man he loved, and he had thought loved him back, cried on his knees against a knocked over empty rattan chair, throwing it across the garden in frustration.

Stiles hated that he was crying along too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This conversation between Stiles and Derek isn't over, this story is nowhere near over I just think we've completed an arc. Thank you for all the kudos and comments, they really help with getting inspired, I love reading everyone's predictions and theories about whats going to happen. Thank you all so much again and keep the comments coming.


	7. Nobody's Fault But Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after Derek tries to make things easier for Stiles while he laments about what he's going to lose once he leaves. He and Stiles then have a difficult conversation with their children about what will happen, dealing with Netta's reaction especially.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you tell your kids when you marriage is falling apart?

At around 5 am, Derek groaned as he opened up his eyes and wiping away some sleep dust. The couch was uncomfortable, even if it was an expensive L-shaped chaise sofa that he and husband picked out together. Groaning with discomfort, Derek sat up and sighed, dropping his head back against the cushions. Even with the gloomy light of a dark winter morning coming through the window, he could hardly see anything. The sun wouldn't be up for another few hours at least but the man couldn't just sleep anymore. He didn't want to think about their argument last night just yet so got off the sofa and turned on the light. The living room was still a mess from last night and Derek thought it best if he began to clean up. Stiles has been keeping up the house work all by himself, Derek needed to start pulling his weight around more. He spend the next hour and half cleaning up the mess, roughly placing the dishes in the sink first and then throwing all the rubbish into a bag and leaving it by the door for the time being just to clear everything first before he started to actually wash and dry everything, placing the pots and pans away and reorganising the furniture in it's rightful place- Just spending the time to get the house looking how Stiles would like it. Then he finally went to throw the rubbish back outside, getting his overnight back - one he used to spend nights at the office - from his car that had his spare clothes, thinking it best he didn't risk waking Stiles up or upsetting him by going into their room. It was one of his first requests after all and Derek wanted to respect that, too afraid to break those boundaries even just to get his clothes.

Coming back into the house, he had a quick shower in the bathroom in the upstairs hallway, washing off the grime and sweat from wearing his suit two days in a row, before stepping out and getting dressed in a pair of sweatpants and loose t-shirt. Strangely enough, he felt like he could actually breath. He tossed his suit back into the overnight bag for now, planning to dispose of it honestly. Maybe donate it later or something. He then remembered about his plans to get some time off work and good lord would he need it now. Forget less hours, he really needed to just forget about work and concentrate on how to fix his marriage and family, hell how to fix himself. Heading downstairs, Derek emailed the HR department and Admissions Team explaining his leave and who would be in charge and who would take over which cases until he returned, also leaving strict instructions to fire Luke and not contact Derek himself under any circumstances. That out of the way and Derek not expecting a reply until hours later, it was only round 6 now after all and no one would be in the office until 9, he decided to begin on making breakfast. Stiles was usually the family cook with his amazing healthy breakfasts everyday except Fridays (Derek actually missed the taste of those) but Derek at least knew how to make some simple breakfast Quesadillas.  
In the middle of making the breakfast however, Derek stopped and looked around abruptly. It was so....quiet. The nights that Derek did come home, he would get up around this time and be rushing to get out the house. Never did he actually stop and think that this was so damn quiet and- and just lonely. Back in their tiny apartment building, Stiles would always be sleeping on the sofa bed before blinking up at Derek making coffee from their rusty coffee machine. When Zayd was born, Derek used to come down the stairs to Stiles feeding their new born son on a high chair before smiling over at Derek and asking if he wanted to take over. With Netta, Derek would be busy trying to calm the loud baby girl down, bouncing her up and down in his arms while Zayd rolled around in his toy around his feet. The man remembered practically pouting like a child when Stiles would hold Netta and the girl would stop crying instantly, his husband laughing while holding their baby against his hip and making scrambled eggs at the stove the same time. He was amazing like that- IS amazing.  
Point is, Derek never realised, cooking alone in a kitchen, just how much he just missed the chaotic noise of his family around him. He didn't have these memories with Lily.

Derek was brought out his sorrowful thoughts by the burning smell of the Quesadilla and curse before turning the heat down and throwing the heat off and scraping the burnt thing into the bin. Derek hated how he couldn't even cook this right but now was not the time to wallow in self pity as he heard Lily cry out on the baby monitor. Heading upstairs quickly, his heartbeat in his ears, Derek let out a sigh of relief as he saw that Lily was just awake. Her face wasn't a blue and she was breathing just fine if the volume of her crying meant anything. He reached down and picked her up, in awe at how heavy his baby girl was now, more than happy that she had gained weight from how tiny she was when she was born. Lily hiccuped and sniffled before calming down, Derek holding her down from his shoulder once she did so he could see her cute little pink face. God, how did he go so long without holding her? He didn't want her down ever again in this moment right now. Lily was looking up at her daddy with all the wonder of a baby meeting someone new, babbling nonsense as she kicked her legs around slightly. Derek couldn't help but kiss all around her face, his eyes watery with tears as he thought about how he would be leaving today and wouldn't see her until Stiles allowed it. But Derek knew it was his fault.  
Lily turned her head and whined softly she she turned away from Derek reaching to the side of the room and Derek already knew Stiles was at the door watching them. He held Lily against his side, the 1 year old calming down once she could properly see Stiles from this angle and settled against Derek once more.  
"Morning..." Derek greeted uneasily, not sure how to navigate himself now as he felt like a stranger in his own daughters room. "I just heard her crying on the monitor downstairs and wanted to check on her." He has no doubt Stiles probably woke up due to the monitor in his room too, Derek only here cause he was faster and Stiles was probably exhausted from last night. They made sure there was one baby monitor in Zayd's and Netta's rooms when they first bought Lily home, so Stiles was at peace that he could hear her and check on her wherever he was. As she got better, they removed the ones from her siblings rooms but kept them everywhere else still.  
"...Is she alright?" Stiles asked, looking tired as ever. Derek saw the gears in his head turn as he decided against a snide remark about Derek neglecting Lily recently in favour of asking about her first - his husband always did think about the children first, Derek should do the same. Should have done the same.  
"She's fine, just wanted to be held I guess." Derek answered, again seeing his husband visibly decide against commenting on that and just nodding. He stepped towards them and kissed Lily's head softly and Derek took the time to enjoy this moment of grace- Stiles and him standing in their little miracle baby's room, holding her between them. Of course it couldn't last long.  
"After the kid's wake up, we'll all sit down for breakfast and you can explain that you leaving. Then you pack up and leave. Understood?" Stiles voice was low and even, but he still sounded like he was talking about someones funeral. Derek pursed his lips and nodded, walking away.  
"I understand." He said, watching his husband's retreating form once he got his confirmation. Derek heard the bedroom door close and he assumed Stiles was now going to get changed, no chance he would sleep now that Lily was awake.

Downstairs, Derek had gotten Lily dressed and was feeding her some bananas in small chunks knowing that she was just introduced to solid foods. The man couldn't help but smile as Lily's hazel eyes glittered with glee at the flavour and she let out happy giggled. Her eyes were almost a perfect blend of Stiles' honey brown eyes and Derek's green eyes, her eyes changing with each ray of light that shined on her. Derek and Stiles' own little angel. And now he wouldn't see her for days.  
"Who made these?" Derek stood up as he saw Stiles walk in inspecting the new breakfast Quesadillas on the table, his husband dressed in a flannel pajama set that was just a little to big on him that Derek adored.  
"I made them. I know Zayd likes them and Netta hasn't had them in awhile." Derek said, almost hopefully. But Stiles wasn't in a mood to give out praise out of pity.  
"And who's fault is that?" He asked, no frown on his face, just a blank terrifying gaze as last night that made Derek look down. As if on cue, Netta came waddling into the kitchen tiredly wearing her teddy bear night dress, rubbing her eyes. She sniffled the air and gasped with joy as she saw the food on the table and then Derek by the kitchen counter.  
"Daddy made food!" Netta cheered, running over and hugging Derek's legs who responded in kind, lifting her up and hugging her tightly. He was glad she was happy to see him at least- Derek knows it might just be because of Zayd and Netta's ignorance as a child to the situation but he was counting his blessings.  
"Morning Princess." He placed kisses all over her face, Netta giggling and calling for him to stop through her laughter. Placing her down, Netta ran to hug Stiles who was now sat at the table before sitting down in her seat. Zayd finally walked in and took one look at the food on the table and his dad before promptly getting out a bowl to make himself some cereal, pointedly ignoring Derek.  
Clearly the man had more than one relationship to fix but Derek already knew that.

The family was sat eating quietly, the silence filled with Netta having a one sided conversation with Lily, who was responded to her sister as much as a baby could. Netta occasionally asked Stiles in opinion on whatever it was she was discussing, Stiles smiling and just nodding along. There was no shine in his eyes. Zayd was too busy stirring his cereal around in the milk, only looking up to check on Stiles now and then. Derek felt like he was suffocating but powered through as he ate and waited for Stiles to give him permission to speak, or at the very least a cue to begin. He didn't have to wait long as Stiles cleared his throat once Netta finished her discussion on if unicorns were better than normal ponys.  
"Kids, your daddy has something to say. Listen alright?" Stiles directed his request mostly to Zayd who tensed up as he paused his spoon. Derek took a deep breath before speaking.  
"Daddy...is going away for awhile. I am some work to do, important work for our family." He said as honestly as he could, taking into consideration that Zayd already knows a lot and how much Netta needed to hear said girl almost started crying.  
"Where you going!? Why can't you work at home daddy!?" She climbed off her seat and instantly ran around the table to crawl onto Derek's lap.  
"It's not that kind of work princess." He sighed out, hating he would be leaving her like this. "It's grown up work, so daddy can be better for papa, for you and Lily and Zayd." Derek watched at his eldest got up at that moment and stormed out the kitchen, leaving his cereal untouched. It was expected. Netta looked down and sniffled more.  
"...Is it my fault? Was I bad?" Derek almost chocked at the question as Stiles was at their side, leaning down to their young girl instantly.  
"No no, it's not your fault at all." Stiles almost begged, his heart breaking at his daughter feeling like this and Derek felt like he wanted to die right then and there for causing this.  
"I'm sorry!" Netta cried harder, Lily almost responded in reaction to her sisters distress and beginning to whine. "You can stay home! I'll be a good girl! You can love Papa again!" She babbled desperately. Because good kids keep their parents together right? She'll be quite from now on so daddy and papa don't get headaches! She'll tidy her toys more! Anything to keep them together! "Please don't leave daddy!"  
"Netta look at me please..." Derek pleaded, he needed her to hear this. Netta bit her lip trying to stop crying but her shoulders shook from her efforts. "Papa and I, we're fighting. Adults do fight and sometimes we need space." He kissed her head as she whimpered, using his thumbs to wipe her face. "When you and Zayd fight, we seperate you two for awhile right? Then you talk and make up?" He didn't want to put any expectations in Netta's head in case the worst happened but he needed her to understand. Once she nodded, Derek continued. "Well, it's kind of like that. Daddy and Papa had a fight we need some space. But it is not your fault. It's not Zayds or Lily's- no ones fault but Daddy. And it's daddys job to fix it." He said softly, trying to be careful how he spoke. "But it doesn't mean we don't love you kids any less."  
"That's right." Stiles added, his eyes also teary from seeing Netta like this. "We love you so much and no matter what happens, that won't change alright?" Both men hugged their daughter tightly, putting their issues to the side for once to take care of her. Lily stopped whining in distress and instead made noises and grabby hands, demanding to be part of the hug fest. Stiles almost laughed at the baby and stood up to go hold her out the high chair. Netta calmed down against Derek's chest and wiped her eyes.  
"So...I can still see daddy?" Netta asked, looking between her two parents.  
"Absolutely. I'll give you my phone number, and all you have to do is ask Papa if you ever want to see me." Derek said gently before quickly adding, "But you have to be a good girl for Papa while I'm gone okay? If he says no to something you have to accept it, if he needs help then help Papa out. Especially if he needs hugs and kisses alright?" He smiled slightly as Netta smiled back and nodded, crawling off Derek's lap and running to hug Stiles legs as he held Lily, proving she would be a good girl and listen to her Papa. Stiles reached down and ruffled her bed messed hair with a soft grin. His children made him so proud every day.  
"Remember it's not your fault alright?" Stiles said seriously, needing Netta to hear and believe it. The little girl nodded with determination. "And we both love you so much. Nothing could ever change that."  
"I love you too Papa! I love you too Daddy!" She said, pulling on Stiles free hand to guide him back to Derek so she could be hugged by them again. And this time with the addition of baby Lily, the two men once again put away their difference to hug their children and reassure them they would all be okay no matter what the outcome.  
Derek just wished his oldest son was there too. But just like Stiles needed space from Derek, so did Zayd from his dad.

10 minutes later, after giving up trying to get Zayd to come out his room, Derek was packed with a few clothes and essentials. He kissed Lily, holding her tightly in his arms once more before placing her down in the playpen. Derek then headed to the front door, putting on his shoes and leather jacket (he head missed the feel of it) before kneeling down to Netta who hugged his neck tightly once he was at her height. The young girl still looked heartbroken but she wasn't as bad as before. She kissed her daddy's nose.  
"Please don't go." She whispered. And Stiles thought he would have to break this up before Netta cried again but Derek knew better of what she was doing.  
"I'll eat you up, I love you so." He finished softly, kissing her nose back and watching it wrinkle up as she smiled at her Daddy finishing up the quote from the first book they finished together - Where The Wild Things Are. He stood up and stepped outside the house, Stiles petting Netta's head and telling her to wait with Lily as he went out with Daddy to the car, a quick warning to come get him if Lily stops breathing or breaths to heavily.

Stiles followed his estranged husband to the car, wearing his pajamas still and wrapping his arms around himself as he watched Derek pack his two bags in the back before coming round to the drivers seat and leaning against the door to look at Stiles.  
"So..." Derek tried, not knowing what to say.  
"So..." Stiles breathed out the same sentiment before sighing, closing his eyes a moment to gather himself. "Thank you for what you said to Netta."  
"You shouldn't be thanking me. It shouldn't have been needed in the first place." And that surprised Stiles, because it was Derek's first admittance that he truly fucked up and seemed to begin to understand how much. "Still...I wish I got to speak to Zayd before I go. They're all innocent in this."  
"I don't think Zayd would have blamed himself like Netta did...I'll talk to him."  
"Alright." Derek sighed, even thought he would of liked to talk to Zayd himself. Silence fell upon them once again. Stiles wasn't making a move yet, and as much as Derek wanted to stall, he felt that maybe his husband was waiting for him to actually leave to make sure he was gone instead of staying outside and stalking the house while living in his car. And he didn't want to make Stiles wait outside in the winter cold for long. But as he turned to open the vehicle door, Stiles spoke up in a rush.  
"Was all this worth it?" He said, almost stumbling his words. Derek gripped tightened on the door handle and he shook his head, his back still turned to the man.  
"No. No it wasn't-"  
"Then why the hell do it Derek? I-I don't understand!" He heard the tears Stiles was holding back tears and could only imagine the mans expression as his resolve was slowly breaking as it had last night. He also knew his husband was a proud man, and so granted him the courtesy of not facing him, knowing Stiles wouldn't want Derek to see him like this.  
"I don't know what to say right now except I'm sorry Stiles. That I love you." Still he didn't face the man. As much as he wanted to, neither of them were in a state where they could talk productively and healthy without playing dirty or throwing cheap shots. Stiles seemed to understand what Derek was trying to do and didn't comment further. Because it wasn't the right time now.  
"I'll um...Give you call when I'm ready. And I'll give Netta and Zayd your number too."  
"Okay. Thank you Stiles." With that, Derek finally got in the car, taking a few deep breaths before he started the car and backed out the drive away. Without glancing at Stiles, not wanting to see him leave his field of vision if he entered it again, he drove off.

Stiles remained watching the black car drive away until it was out sight, waiting another 5 minutes until he was sure Derek was truly gone before allowing himself back inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, I've loved the thoughts, responses and comments every has shared. I feel like this chapter is important because discussing this kind of thing IS important- you shouldnt leave your kids in the dark or make the cheater or other parents seem like a monster no matter how vindictive you feel.
> 
> Keep the comments and kudos coming as always! And thank you for the support!


	8. What Do I Do Now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scott comes back to check on Stiles a few hours after Derek leaves. Scott clearly has his own ideas and expectations on what should happen but Stiles doesn't even know where to begin or if he's even ready.
> 
> Derek has a felt down and Boyd wonders what exactly is going on in the mind of his best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I was cheated on, I was still in the process was trying to gather my own feelings up. Everyone screaming at me to do all sorts of things did not help the situation at all and this is what I was trying to convey. Because it's very easy when you watch talk shows or see peoples own dramas on social media to just roll your eyes and say 'ditch his ass', but it's not so easy when you're actually so far gone on the person you have your life to.

"Guys! Uncle Scott is here!" Stiles called up the stairs, smiling at his friend who was taking his shoes and jacket off by the door. Excited little footsteps followed by heavier slower ones sounded loud as Zayd and Netta came down the stairs, the little girl jumping up into Scott's arms.  
"Uncle Scott! You're back!"  
"Well I didn't get to bring you your presents from your grandpa!" Scott smiled, holding out the box covered in shiny pink wrapping paper he was holding. Stiles shook his head with a fond smile, watching his daughter say thank you before running off to open it up on the living room floor. He knows his dad must have made Scott promise to bring it and give it to the kids, knowing Stiles would have said no if Noah asked his son directly ("You just gave them Christmas presents dad! They don't need anything else!" "Excuse you, I'm a wounded man Stiles and my dying wish is to spoil my grandchildren." "....You're not dying though!"). Honestly, Stiles doesn't know why he tries.  
"It's nice to see you, Scott." Zayd smiled a little looking up at the man. Scott gave the boy a gentle expression, greeting him with a hug, knowing the young man must be suffering too. Stepping back, Scott handed Zayd a small pouch.  
"Your grandpa gave you $50 to spend as you wish." Scott smirked watching the mortified look on Stiles' face at the mere thought of his father giving away that much money. Zayd laughed at his Papa's expression, gently pushing the money back to Scott.  
"I can't take so much-"  
"Hey, take it up with your grandpa when he comes in a few weeks. He finds out I still have the money, he'll shot my legs!" Scott laughed, clasping his hands over the boys so he accepted it. Zayd thanked Scott once more before retreating to his room. Stiles sighed watching him go, he managed to get his son down and eat a proper breakfast an hour after Derek had left but it didn't look like he was going to leave his room for anything except food and needing the bathroom. His friend took note of Stiles' solemn expression and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.  
"Lets have some coffee." He offered, already leading the man away into the kitchen.

Stiles looked down at his cup as he finished telling Scott about Derek's leave this morning, stumbling over his words when recalling Netta's heartbreaking proclamation of blame before ending with Derek finally leaving in his car. Not interrupting once, Scott listened and waited patiently for Stiles to tell the full story before he even dared speak.  
"Do you know where he hes now?" He asked from his place sat on the bar stool of the kitchen island. Stiles shook his head with a heavy sigh.  
"I don't want to know. I don't trust myself to not seek him out when I have a night of weakness and miss him." The tired man admitted, because as much as he hated himself for it, Stiles knows that he wouldn't be able to control himself once he does hit that wall of loneliness and self pity.  
"Well we just have to make sure it doesn't come to that." Scott stated with such determination Stiles was almost incline to believe him. Scott whipped out his phone. "We're not going to let him win this divorce! His law firm has a whole floor dedicated to family law- We'll find the best one to help you and stick it to him by using his own co workers from his own damn building!" Scott began typing away and Stiles' eyes widened.  
"What? Scott what are you-"  
"You're not going bankrupt over this either Stiles. I'll pay if you want, it's nothing compared to what he's going to owe you-"  
"Scott I'm not getting a DIVORCE!" Stiles yelled finally, slumping over the kitchen island as he bit his lip, avoiding his friends' judgemental gaze. "Jesus Christ! I just found out my husband has been fucking someone nearly half my age last night! I literally kicked him out THIS morning! And you want to talk to me about divorce now?" He was trying so desperately not to cry because goddammit he was better than this! He's kept his whole fucking cold demeanour around Derek just to get him out the house and not fall for his apologies, but he needed to keep up a strong front for the kids because they deserve a good parent who isn't going to let them down- he did not need to be thinking about what to do about Derek, at least not right now.  
Scott watched Stiles and frowned deeply, almost a scowl.  
"Exactly! He cheated on you! Don't you want to pay him back? You have kids to think about, yourself to think about! You can't just wait around until he get a divorce lawyer! You have assets to protect and-"  
"GODDAMMIT SCOTT LISTEN TO ME PLEASE!" Stiles threw his cup into the sink, the object shatter in impact and the brown sludge making it's way down the drain. He was thankful all the kids were upstairs. He took a few shallow breaths of air, his eyes blinking furiously. This is exactly why he doesn't plan to tell his dad until later- until Stiles himself has a better idea of what to do. The man opposite him froze at his friends outburst but waited for him to continue, clearly he had overstepped the line somewhere.  
"Stiles...I'm sorry.."  
"No please, just please for the love of god let me speak." Stiles stood up, running his hand through his hair. "I know everyone is going to have their own views on what I should do- Lydia's already offered to house us, Issac already sent me voicemails asking if he should get Danny to track Derek's whore down and trash his car or something." He huffed out a laugh as he recalled the message this morning when he woke up. "And I get it okay? You're all angry and you all mean well but none of you have asked what the fuck I want- what the fuck my kids want!" He sniffled, trying to contain his voice threatening to break. Scott listened to every words before nodding because Stiles was right. It's easy for Scott as an outsider to scream and yell about Derek needing to be punished or how Stiles should make him pay.

But Scott wasn't Stiles. Scott knew how he feels, but he doesn't know how Stiles feels or wants to do about all this, just walked in with a plan of his own. Reaching over the marble surface, he held Stiles' hand who squeezed back as they sat in each others company for a few moments.  
"So what do you want to do Stiles?" Scott finally asked, trying to make himself open minded to whatever his friend needed.  
"I don't know okay?" He began, looking up to the ceiling as if looking for a sign of clarity, an easy way out to just be happy again. "I'm angry as well, furious beyond all belief. I know I should hate him and want him dead along with that fucking slut of his, and I do! I want all that but its not...it's not right, Scott. My children need me more than I need to be running after those two fuckers trying to gain revenge." Even if Stiles was single, he doesn't think he could be so vengeful. Because what would that achieve? "I still fucking love him too. If I could turn those feelings off everything would be so much easier but I just can't! All I know right now is that I can't look at him without seeing that stupid fucking kiss, without imagining what he's been doing these past few months instead of being here with me and our fucking kids!" He slammed his fists against the table once again, his guard slowly breaking as he tried to convey what he was feeling. Stiles didn't want people thinking he was weak, he didn't want everyone thinking he was giving in to easily, HE didn't want to give in so fast and easily because he knows he and his family deserve more. But you can't just stop loving someone so quickly like that, and Stiles didn't need the pressure of everyone deciding what he should do before he was even ready to think about that! He's been with Derek since he was 16, been in love since he was 18 and married him right then and there. They have the 3 most beautiful children ever over 22 years of a happy marriage. Even though Stiles knows they've been drifting apart the past year, he still doesn't find it any easier to suddenly go 'well see ya asshole!' He's not heartless enough to just take Derek's children away from him (especially Lily) or put their kids through seeing their parents go through a divorce process so soon after witnessing everything they have.

Getting of the leather stool, Scott walked around the kitchen island and pulled his friend against him. He realised now he wasn't being fair. If Allison ever cheated on him, he knows he wouldn't be able to call for a divorce as quick as he was trying to make Stiles do.  
"Whatever you decide, whether it's now or later, I'll be here. We all will." He said, adding quickly, "And I'll talk to everyone else. We'll back off until you give us the go ahead. But we're still going to check on you okay?" Scott gave him a smile through watery eyes.  
"Thanks..." Stiles cursed himself as Scott wiped off a stray tear. "I just needed him out the house and away from me until I'm ready to talk. I told him not to contact me unless it's for the kids. Though Zayd may not care for that.."  
"That's another thing, hows he been?" Scott asked, moving onto that topic as Stiles shook his head with an exasperated sigh.  
"I feel like he's like me, we both knew something was up and just didn't want to admit it, hoped we were wrong. But we weren't. I think he needs his own space too." Stiles leaned against Scott, emotionally drained. "My poor baby."  
"Hey, one step at a time right?" His best friend reach down and grasped his hand tightly once again, finally understanding that Stiles needed to go at this at his own pace. Stiles smiled and nodded against his shoulder.  
"One Step at a time." He repeated, all the while hoping he wasn't taking steps towards the end of a cliff.

"NNNNNOOOPPPE." Erica whined, popping the last 'p'.  
"Erica-"  
"Nope. Nope. Nope."  
"He's got no where else-"  
"He can go live with that WHORE he brought to his home." Erica was not having this and Derek felt awkward as he stood on the porch of the Boyd's and Erica's house. Derek was just on his way to book a motel room, join the typical hangout for bums, liars and cheaters, when he ran into Boyd at the gas station. They were best friends after all and Boyd took pity on the man and offered to house him until he and Stiles settled all this- whatever the outcome may be. The man warned him that Erica might kick BOYD out for even attempting this but the dark skinned man just brushed him off. Boyd still thought what Derek did was wrong and beyond stupid and selfish, he told Derek as much, but that didn't mean that Boyd was going to abandon his friend.  
And Erica wasn't going to betray hers.  
"Erica, all I'm saying is that we give Derek a hand," He quickly changed his words at the blondes deadly glare, "I mean I, just me not you, give him a hand and chance. He's committed to making things right with Stiles and his children. He gave me his word."  
"Well evidently Vernon, his word means fuck all!" Erica stormed past her husband and got right in Derek's face. The taller man looked down at her but he was afraid to even move an inch beyond that. "And you! You got the guts to try and come to MY home-"  
"My home too Erica."  
"That is now up for debate!" She shot at Boyd before turning back to Derek. "As I was saying, why the hell aren't you with that little arm candy since you're into jail bait now!?" She crossed her arms and Derek swore she had a red in her eyes to match her lipstick. But he needed to get over his fear of castration (he doesn't think it's irrational at this point) and speak to Erica like a man, one he wasn't the past year.  
"I fired Luke last night. I don't ever want to see him again. All I care about right now is trying to save my family." He pleaded, throwing away his pride and actually getting on his knees. Erica was caught off by this. "I fucked up, I get that. I already tried to take the easy route and beg like this to Stiles but that was me trying to be selfish again. Trying to get away with everything with minimal consequences. But he wanted me gone and right now I'm just trying to respect my husbands wishes until he's ready to do whatever it is he wants...whether that means a divorce or not." He swallowed back some tears, still too painful to think that that was now a very real possibility. "I never asked Boyd to bring me here, he was just taking pity on a worthless man. I don't mean to intrude on your family or your home with all my bullshit and if you want me gone I will go Erica. But please, PLEASE believe me when I say I want to do everything I can to make Stiles happy again and won't stop until he's made his final choice." He waited then, he waited for a slap she didn't get in last night or even a kick down the porch steps - he was perfectly positioned for it to do enough damage. But instead he heard an aggravated huff and watched as Erica turned to her husband.  
"He sleeps in your work room. He pays rent $100 a week - don't give me that look he has the money - and I don't want to see him in the same room as me. He eats in the work room too. As far as I'm concerned, he's a ghost who's able to consume food, Understood?"  
"Deal." Boyd smiled at his wife and leaned in for a kiss only to be denied as she felt a hand up to his face.  
"You're sleeping on the couch for a week." She finished, storming back inside to check on their baby girl Saffron (who was thankfully staying with a friend last night when all this went down). Boyd sighed, shaking his head as Derek gripped his duffel bag, now standing up again.  
"I'm sorry about that." Derek apologised seriously, he was fucking up everyone's life with his actions.  
"Don't be. She's just trying to think about Stiles."  
"Maybe she can teach me some things then."  
"Maybe. Come on, lets get you settled in." With that, Boyd guided his friend to his work room.  
After moving some things around, Derek apologising every few minutes when Boyd would move what looked like an important project piece out the way, they had set up a cosy little set up for Derek on half the side of the room with a sofa bed and one of Boyd's homemade made side shelves on the side. Boyd truly was a carpenter that brought his work home with him. Derek would definitely give him some big paid commission work at the firm once this was all over, with a big cheque before he even began to work just for the hell of it.

The rest of the day went on pretty standard, Derek stayed in his little space for the majority of the time except to use the bathroom which resulted in a run in with Erica. But all she really did was kind of hiss at him, pretty sure wished she spat venom then, before storming off. So an okay day, minus loosing his home, his family and burdening his best friend who was only really helping him out of obligation.  
It was nearing midnight and Derek was checking his phone for the 5th time in the past 10 minutes alone for any sort of message, he knew there was a near impossible chance of one from Stiles but maybe from the kids...? But he wouldn't be surprised or blame Stiles if he didn't give any of them his number out of spite, or if Zayd was too angry at him to care to call. Hell, even Netta probably hates him to some extent by now. Derek had very low hope for contact from his family tonight...but it was still pathetic useless hope.  
He had eaten a home cooked dinner by Erica tonight, and although it's he's grateful she didn't poison it probably on Boyd's insistence, he missed his husbands cooking again. Derek always seems to go to that thought but it's not just Stiles cooking, its the whole atmosphere of being around a family at dinner. It made food taste better when Stiles was around, when he could hear Lily's happy nonsense babble and Netta arguing with Zayd over her older brothers teasing. Even here, in this room that smells of sawdust and oil, Derek heard Boyd with his family at the dinner table a few hours ago enjoying each others company and laughing over stupid shit that wasn't funny bit it didn't matter because they were together.  
And Derek was fucking stupid enough to let that all go with his own family for a fling with a kid.  
His heart heavy and no longer fighting to stop his tears, Derek as laying back with his arm over his eyes, too busy wondering why the hell Stiles didn't just kill him so he didn't have to suffer like this (thought maybe that was the point- for him to suffer since he deserved it) to notice the door open, Boyd letting in the hallway light for a moment as he walked in and turned on the light. He watched the once proud man before him, his brother, his friend, cry silently into his arm while holding an illuminated picture on his phone of Stiles and him holding baby Zayd. Boyd scratched the back of his neck, wondering what the hell he was willingly putting himself in as he walked over and sat on the bed. Derek already knew it was him because he had no one left.  
"I don't even have a fucking picture of Lily anywhere on my phone..." He laughed bitterly, wondering where the hell he got the right to complain from when no pictures of his miracle baby was his own fault.  
"Derek..."  
"I don't have a picture of my own baby girl. The one that's lucky to be alive! One that could die tonight and I bet Stiles wouldn't even tell me if she did! Because why would he? I don't fucking deserve to know!"  
"Don't say that. Stiles isn't that cruel." Boyd frowned a little, scared Derek was turning angry and bitter but it was the exact opposite as the man sat, his blood shot eyes now in clear view for the world to see.  
"Hes not! Stiles isn't cruel, he's not vindictive, he's not even fucking hateful even when he's meant to be!" Derek cried out, his face in his hands. "Why couldn't he yell at me? Tell me to go fuck off and die!? He didn't punch me or throw anything! Just sat there like he already fucking knew. He knew his husband was a fuck up, running around behind his back yet he stayed! Why didn't he just take them all leave months ago?" He wept harder, completely loosing control now.  
"Is that what you want..?" Boyd asked seriously, after all Derek's talk about wanting to be better, did he really want his family gone?  
"NO! But it's what THEY deserve. It's what Stiles deserves!" He didn't deserve this small tiny chance Stiles gave him, this small slither of hope that they would be okay. It was all hitting Derek too quick and too fast- the reality of it all. Boyd did the only think he thought he could do and placed an arm on Derek's back, some form of comfort while the pitiful man cried his despair out. But it won't ever leave. Derek cried like that for a full hour, going in and out of broken rants and tangents all of the same theme that he was a fucking idiot and how he loved his family even thought they deserve more. Boyd was glad the room was sound proof so that Saffron didn't wake up and he was glad Erica was busy editing videos for her vlogs on the other side of the house- he doesn't know how to explain his own tears to is wife if she walked in now.  
"Derek...I just need to ask one thing..." Boyd asked, once he was sure his voice was steady enough and Derek was coherent enough to answer.

"Why did you do it?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter is going to go back a bit and explore a little more on how Derek got into the affair and his relationship with his family while actively sleeping with Luke and what Derek was thinking.
> 
> Again, comments motivate me to write to thank you for everyone who's been sharing their thoughts and ideas- it inspires me and lets me know that people are actually reading my story and have some sort of feelings towards it. Love long comments with theories the best so keep them coming.
> 
> This story is no where even near done because this chapter as I was writing has given me so many ideas that I can't wait to get to. Thank you so much for all the love and support and hope you stick around to read more or back to read the chapters all over again.


	9. I Can See Through the Fire Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek and Boyd work out where and when Derek's marriage fell apart for him to make such a big mistake. Its a much needed re-evaluation of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In most cases, an explanation isn't a chance to hear excuses, it's a moment to reflect and understand what went wrong because as much as hindsight can make you feel regret, it can also make things easier in the future.

"I'm so sick of that question..." Derek grunted out.  
"It's one you haven't answered. Just given excuses for." Boyd told him honestly. If Derek was serious about changing, he needed to understand why he felt driven to cheat in the first place.  
"I don't know why!" Derek glared over at Boyd, almost defensively. "What's the point? No matter what I say it won't be good enough! It will ALL sound like excuses or me trying to justify it-"  
"I'm not asking for that Derek." He sighed. He wasn't mad at his friend, he got a lot of shit (rightfully so) from their friends and Stiles so understood why Derek would go on the offence it if seemed like no one was really interested in knowing why- they already had their opinions on him and that was he was a piece of shit. But it wasn't about that right now. "I'm asking you to walk me through what you were thinking. If you don't know why, that's all the more reason to find out now together; So you know what went wrong so you actually know where to start with making it up to Stiles and your kids and Stiles knows what went wrong." He's not blaming Stiles at all, like both men agreed, there is no excuse for what Derek did. But Boyd suspects there was a communication breakdown on both ends that just got worse for the pair to end up like this today. His friend was watching him carefully, as if waiting for the punchline or remark. "I'm not going to judge you Derek. At least not now, I just want to help you understand what happened." He reassured, internally celebrating when Derek seemed to become just slightly less tense and nodded stiffly.  
"I suppose it started with Lily... I didn't tell you what had did I?"  
"You told me it was problems breathing." Boyd said carefully, he didn't know much more beyond that. He didn't really see the need to ask, neither Derek or Stiles liked to talk about it but everyone saw the impact it had with Stiles' anxiety when they brought Lily home. Everyone just had a silent agreement to be mindful of the child and follow Stiles' instructions about her when they were around.  
"It was RDS, Respiratory Distress Syndrome." He said carefully, taking a deep breath as he recalled that day.

Stiles had just given birth to Lily, exhausted with his head against the pillow. It was a premature birth but Derek didn't think anything too serious of it- he was still as frantic as he was when Stiles' went into labour with their other kids. Overnight back tossed into the car, not sure if he locked the door so sent a text to Boyd to come over and check while he drove to the hospital (good thing he didn't get pulled over that day) and all the usual stressed and worries that later Stiles would tease him for.  
Which is why it was such a shock when Lily was born and the doctors were about to handle the girl to Derek, did he almost faint at the sight of her. The newborn baby was so very tiny, and not the normal unbelievable way babies were. Lily looked so vulnerable, like she could break at any second. Her ribs were showing as she tried to suck air in but couldn't do so without grunting. Each breath she was trying to take ended with her muscles between her ribs.  
"Derek? What's wrong? Why don't you hold- WAIT! Where are you taking her!?" Stiles yelled out as the doctor and a nurse ran out the delivery room carrying Lily quickly in some sort of cart. Derek ran to Stiles' side quickly as his husband, still in pain tried to get up.  
"Baby we need to let the doctors work-"  
"Where is she!?" It went on like that for a full hour, the only news the pair having gotten was that their newborn baby was showing signs of breathing difficulties and the doctor was just running some tests. That whole hour, Stiles was weeping against Derek who was just as upset but tried not to show it.  
"Everything is going to be alright. She came from you after all. Strongest person I know..." He whispered gently, like a mantra while said husband was clinging to him.  
"I'm so glad you're here..." Stiles whispered back between sobs. Soon enough, a doctor finally came in to deliver the news. She looked both solemn and calm, Derek figured whatever she had to say wasn't good but the women must have done this a thousand times by now.  
"Mr and Mr Stilinski-Hale?" She asked, continuing once the pair gave a nod of confirmation. "Your newborn is in the neonatal unit. She has severe symptoms of respiratory distress syndrome, also known as RDS. We've hooked her up to a ventilation machine to both support and take over her breathing. We suspect surfactant deficiency but will require more testing-" Derek knew he shouldn't have, but he doesn't remember much after that. Something about his baby attached to tubes to give her fake nutrients, overnight observation and it just got worse. Derek didn't want to hear anymore and he couldn't anyway over Stiles' crying once more.

"But she was fine right?" Boyd frowned. Lily seemed to be doing fine at least whenever he and Erica visited.  
"The Doctor said Lily was fine for now after a few days, but it's still too early to say if it would affect her later in life. She was still at risk of chronic lung disease or something..." Derek got all this information after because of the importance of it, but again, at the time he didn't want to hear it. "So we started going to these appointments and check ups for her. It was hard on us both, Stiles and I both scared she would stop breathing again and I had just gotten a manslaughter case to deal with." Derek was the only one out of the two to witness their baby girl in such a state when she was born, but Stiles didn't have it any better when the first time he got to see Lily was behind a glass window looking into a room where their baby was hooked up to all sorts of tubes and machines around her. "Which is when our first big argument started-"  
"You were too busy with the case to come?" Boyd guessed, given how everything else was. But what he got was an angry scowl from Derek.  
"No. Believe it or not, I booked every one of Lily's appointments for the next few months and made sure my assistant and HR knew. I made time back then, I didn't decide to just run as much as you believe-"  
"Okay okay Derek. I'm sorry." The darker man sighed, knowing he shouldn't have interrupted. Derek softened and shook his head, it was his own fault that Boyd would jump to such an assumption.  
"No I'm sorry. It's just...when I got home to get ready for Lily's appointment..."

"What the hell Stiles!?" Derek ran a hand down his face as he Stiles sat on the bed watching his husband pace. "You changed her appointments behind my back!? You sent her in for an x-ray!? You've been going alone to the doctors!?" Derek was so angry. Stiles was acting as if Lily was his responsibility alone. He came back home to get ready for what was meant to be Lily's 2nd check up this month and now Derek find out Stiles went behind his back and changed it all and he's already gone to 5 check ups without him!  
"I'm sorry! I just...I just needed to know she would be okay quicker!"  
"And I don't!? Stiles, her appointment's were spaced out so she would have regular intervals to grow and develop normally! Taking her in and out of the hospital just to settle your own nerves isn't going to make the risk of her getting a worse illness any less! It just takes her away from being a normal baby and growing up!" Derek stressed, leaning against the dresser. He didn't really care about the fact Stile's made her appoints closer together, he cared because he himself wasn't involved. And Stiles had JUST gotten used to having Lily in another room, what if he had a meltdown at the clinics and Derek wasn't there? What if something happened to both him and Lily? Derek doesn't know what he would do with himself.  
"Oh so I need to consult you on every decision I make!?" Stiles turned to him with a glare as Derek starred at him shock.  
"Where the hell- Stiles I'm not saying that! Lily is my daughter too-"  
"I can take her to the clinic myself! I know you think I'll mess up cause it's my fault-"  
"I don't think that! I'm not blaming you at all! Stop putting words in my mouth dammit!" At that point, Derek threw a punch at the wall.

"It went on like that for awhile..." Derek sighed, back against the wall. He could really go for a smoke about now, but he quit when Stiles' was pregnant with Zayd. He sure as hell wasn't going to start up again especially with Lily in his life, even if she wasn't here. "Stiles' kept going to appointments without me, working around my work timetable so I would be too busy to show up, always saying I should focus on work and that he could handle it by himself." He clenched his fists. "But I didn't want him to do it by himself! That MY baby too for fucksakes! My husband!"  
"Stiles' shouldn't have done that..." Boyd said gently. If something happened to Saffron, he'd want to be involved in it no matter how bad, no matter how much Erica would want to keep him away. "But surely Stiles didn't have ill intent."  
"He felt guilty." Derek frowned deeply. He's sure Stiles' thinks he hid it well, but Derek saw. "He did all sorts of research into her condition, we both did. But he found something that said when labour begins, the his body produces a type of natural steroid that makes its way to the baby that initiates or speeds up production of the surfactant Lily was low on which is meant to prepare the lungs for a newborn baby’s first breath. Without it, it can result in RDS. He blamed himself for basically not providing for her. Like he did it on purpose somehow." Derek almost laughed at that, it was ridiculous, but he knew his husband would blame himself no matter what Derek said. Every time he tried to talk to Stiles' about it rationally, they wounded up in a fight where nothing got discussed but they said plenty of hurtful attacks to one another. "Soon I just gave up trying to make it to the appointments if he really didn't want me there. He really wanted to prove he could do right by Lily." Ironic that now it was Derek who had to prove that.  
"What did you do then?"  
"I did what he asked. I stayed at work but out of spite...That's when the late nights started and it soon spilled over into everything else."

Derek arrived home late, 2am to be exact. He had finished his job early but he didn't want to face Stiles. They were still having an argument over...whatever it was this morning. Who knows. Derek could ask a simple question these days about milk and Stiles will somehow turn it into Derek being a lazy bastard who can't go buy some himself. It was better just to leave..for a few hours of peace. He walked in through the front door and was surprised to see Zayd sleeping on the couch still in his lacrosse uniform. As the clock of the door shutting, Zayd sat up, rubbing at his eyes.  
"Dad you're home!"  
"Hey buddy...why aren't you upstairs sleeping? Dressed even?" Derek asked confused, until his son pulled out a trophy proudly and Derek cussed under his breath. He forgot about Zayd's Lacrosse game. Putting that at the back of his mind for now, he grinned and wrapped an arm around his boy proudly.  
"I knew you could do it. And MVP too. Great work son!"  
"Thanks! I'm sorry you had to work late and missed..." Derek frowned seeing his boy look at the floor dejectedly. Stiles must have given him the same excuse he gave Netta when he missed her play.  
"I know, I'm really sorry. But I'll make the next one promise." He said, ruffling the boys hair. The two headed upstairs then, Derek congratulating his son once again before preparing himself for an earful from Stiles as he headed to their bedroom. Said man was reading in bed before looking up at his husband walking through the door.  
"Hey.."  
"Hey." Derek greeted, putting his briefcase down and taking his tie off at the dresser.  
"You missed Zayd's game." Stiles started bluntly as Derek shook his head, deciding best not to respond straight away. "He won MVP."  
"I saw, got to take the trophy home. We should treat him tomorrow." He ignored the annoyed hum from Stiles he got.  
"Do you want to know what the doctor said about Lily?"  
"Well obviously, whether you want to tell me is another matter."  
"What the fuck is that meant to mean?" And here they go again. And again, it ended with Derek muttering that he was tired and ending the conversation before they both said even more things they didn't mean to say.

"It just got too much. I went from being too busy worrying about Lily to focus on work to focusing on work too much to think about my kids. I started avoiding the house consciously, blaming work, just so I didn't fight with Stiles. If you're not around then you can't fight right?"  
"You really think that was the best way to handle it?" Boyd asked him to which Derek scoffed.  
"Obviously not. But what else was I meant to do? Stiles didn't want to talk and eventually he ended up avoiding me too whenever I was home, saying he needed to check on Lily or suddenly go shopping for things we already had in the house. The only time we talked or argued then was limited to it being about the kids." He put his hand up before Boyd interrupted. "No I'm not blaming Stiles okay? You wanted me to tell you what happened, that's what happened." The man looked up at the ceiling, it was slightly cracked. It somehow reminded Derek of a time when he and Stiles first moved into the apartment and their first night was spent waking up in the middle of the night with Stiles on his shoulders as they collectively tried to fix a crack in the ceiling leaking water from their upstairs neighbours bathroom. He smiled sadly at the memory and Boyd watched with interest.  
"I missed him. Those late nights in the office, I missed him and my kids. But every time Stiles seemed to look at me it was always with a gaze filled with anger or guilt or even just plain disgust. It was such a different from when we were younger. And I missed that so much," he continued on quickly, "It's not that I regret having kids. I love my children Boyd do you understand me? But with everything happened and everything spiralling out of control, I just wished for those simple days...Where if he was mad at me, he would actually talk to me because - hell we lived in tiny ass apartment by ourselves, he couldn't avoid me forever. And we would make up so easily...Now he hides behind the kids to distract himself from me, whenever we did talk it just ended like shit..." Derek felt like he was repeating himself but it was the same ending no matter what he tried with Stiles. "I just missed him actually liking being around me....Then Luke came along."

"That is SO cool Mr Hale. How you handled that sly defence lawyer! What an asshole!" Luke cheered, thought they were still just right outside the classroom, But Derek couldn't help but laugh as they made it back to the car, deciding to remind the young man of etiquette later.  
"Thank you Luke but it was really nothing."  
"Nothing my ass! I love watching you in court!" He went on to practically worship the dirt Derek walks on and although embarrassing, Derek couldn't help the stroke to his ego. He knows he's a damn good lawyer, but it felt nice to hear it from other people, especially a young intern like Luke, it reminded him that he wasn't loosing his touch. He had just had an argument with Stiles that morning and well to just have a normal cheerful conversation with before be got ready for another night in the office was refreshing to say the least.  
Then night finally fell and just as he was considering trying to go home once he doubled checked he didn't miss anything important tonight so may be able to sleep peacefully in his own bed besides his husband, Stiles called up. Derek answered instantly, Stiles rarely called up to the office unless it was important.  
"Stiles, whats wrong? Is Lily okay?"  
"What, just because she's with me you think something went wrong?" Stiles harsh voice came and Derek had to take a deep breath. It was one thing to have petty arguments at home but not over the office phone that was most likely being monitored.  
"What do you want Stiles?"  
"I just wanted to know if you were planning to grace us with your presence at dinner tonight. My dad is coming over remember?"  
"You never told me that." Derek insisted, because he more than admits when he forgets things.  
"Oh...must have slipped my mind." And Derek felt petty, he felt annoyed at how easily Stiles seemed to brush that off.  
"What the hell Stiles? You just forgot that your dad was flying in from Beacon Hills?"  
"Excuse me you forget everything to do with our family lately!"  
"And you throw that back at me constantly but when you do it its okay?!" Derek yelled back, louder than he intended. Pinching the bridge of his nose as his husband went silent, he was about to apologise but it was too late.  
"Oh go fuck yourself Derek!" With that the office line went dead. Derek cried in frustration before slamming the phone back down and ripping some documents out from his files just to stare at them for the next couple of hours. Office night in it was then.  
Of course Derek had much more going on than merely staring at documents. He was so fucking lonely right now. And he doesn't know he got here still! His husband was suffering, Derek clearly sees that, but Stiles didn't want Derek's help! He knew nothing about his baby's condition lately because Stiles would rather pick a fight Derek (or vise versa) rather than tell him. Which honestly indicated that Lily was at least fine because if it was really serious he knows Stiles would tell him.  
Because in the end his husband is wonderful. But this moment...This very moment. Derek just wanted to feel loved and cared for again. He didn't want to fight with Stiles, he wanted to love him and spoil him. He wanted to spoil his kids and tell them all he loved them! But he doesn't know how much energy he has left to try...  
"Mr Hale?" Derek looked up to see his young Intern at the door, holding a plastic bag of food behind his back. And that's when it all started....

"So you started cheating from there..." Boyd said, once Derek recounted what transpired in the office short of the actual details of how they had sex.  
"I was just... so fucking lost and didn't know what to do." Derek sighed, shaking his head. "Nothing changed at home. But the affair continued no matter how many times I tried to tell myself it was the last time." He still couldn't go home. But Derek was tired of spending nights at his office and sleeping at his desk. So when Luke offered to let him go home with him instead, Derek was weak with exhaustion when he agreed. It's not excuse still but Derek was ashamed to admit that it was nice. That is wasn't JUST sex. He would walk into Luke's apartment, small and comfy for a rich college kid living by himself, and he felt like he was walking back into the dingy little home he and Stiles used to have. With Stiles having a home cooked meal ready for him when he got back from work even though he was tired himself from his part time job. Except instead of Stiles greeting him at the door with a kiss, It was Luke pouncing on his with his legs wrapped around Derek's waist instantly. His longing for nostalgia kept him coming back.  
"Oh Derek.." Boyd shook his head. Both Stiles and Derek made mistakes, it takes two to break down a marriage. But it takes one to utterly destroy it, and that's what Derek did. Whether it was beyond repair was another thing.  
"I'm not making excuses." Derek repeated, almost crying now as it hit him again what he's done exactly. He tried to replace Stiles.  
"It's just what happened." Boyd ended for him, thinking for a few moments. "Cheating clearly didn't fix your marriage, not matter how good it felt to essentially play house with a doll. But Derek, do you see now how to fix it?"  
Derek paused at that and thought. Did he really know how to fix this now? He thought about every action he took, every word he said, every horrible decision he made whether out of pettiness or guilt (bringing Luke to the party was a BIG mistake). But...he sees where he went wrong. No matter ow many times he wants to cry that Stiles' just didn't understand him like an emo teenager on tumblr, the real issue is that Derek took the easy way out too many times. He gave up way too damn early and was looking for an escape rather than a solution. That had to stop now.  
"i'm gonna need a pen and paper...this might take awhile...." He wiped his as Boyd laughed a little at that and went to get the supplies for the ultimate make up plan.

Because when Stiles did talk to him, no matter what his decision, Derek wanted to show that he didn't just hide away and mope and feel sorry for himself, that he actively wanted to make thing right. Whether he divorced Derek or not, Derek was determined to make his family happy again whether he was in the picture in the end or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to make it clear that I am not trying to excuse cheating- in no situation, whether its you're in an abusive relationship or a bad argument gone too far, should a person cheat. Either work it out or get put of the relationship. But Cheating is usually the result of deeper problems and that is blame that isn't just on the cheater and has to be addressed for true healing and understanding to start.  
> This chapter may also be weak because I tried to research WHY people cheat and no reason made sense but again, It's not my p.o.v and i tried to think in the mind of a cheater who is also suffering to some extent.
> 
> Next Chapter will focus on Sties adjusting to life without Derek and preparing for the worst.
> 
> Thank you everyone for all they're responses and theories. Sorry this chapter was very talk heavy. Again as always, comments and kudos are my motivation and the only reason I've been updating everyday. Thank you for all the kind words and discussions and all the support!


	10. Without You and With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles makes preparations to live without Derek and has mixed feelings when Boyd reveals a gesture Derek has sorted out. He talks to Zayd and reminds his son that he has control over his life no matter what happens.
> 
> Derek gets his first call from Netta and makes the first tiny steps in the right direction. At least he hopes so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Older kids understand more about what happen between their parents, good and bad. But just because they're old enough to understand and see whats happening, doesn't mean they are old or mature enough to understand their own feelings.

"You two got everything?" Stiles asked as he was bouncing Lily on his hip, attempting to stop the girl crying for her brother and sister getting ready for school.  
"Yep!" Netta smiled, looking adorable as ever with her little pigtails. Zayd was already waiting at the door for the girl, watching her put her shoes on.  
"Okay, Behave for uncle Scott. Have fun both of you." Stiles smiled gently, kissing Zayd's cheek and Netta's head before his children walked out to Scott waiting outside in his car since he offered to drop them off. Stiles waved at his beloved children as the waved back before closing the door and letting out a sigh, sliding down against the door and looking down at a whimpering Lily in his arms. Smiling gently, he held her against his chest, listening to her breathing becoming steady as she finally calmed down.  
"Just you and me now."

Stiles had a few concerns about sending the kid's back to school a day after he kicked Derek out the house. But Netta was saying how she missed her friends over the holidays and he felt like Zayd needed the structure and normality more than ever. So he decided to hold off at least one more day before sending them off, checking with both again and again the night before if it was okay. Stiles was a little unnerved when Netta asked if Daddy would pick her up from school if she went, but with a promise to give her his number when she came back so she could ask herself, Netta agreed with an easy smile. Stiles hoped Derek at least answered.  
He had been made aware his estranged husband was staying with Boyd and Erica and while initially angered that Derek apparently was going to now burden their friends with this, he soon let it go when Erica added her complaints against Boyd in her rants, yelling about how 'the idiot let another idiot stay with us. Idiot.' before apologising for betraying him and allowing it. Stiles honestly didn't care that Derek was staying with his friend, he was just happy Erica told him about it right away. He doesn't think he can handle anymore secrets no matter how small. Although, that was perhaps rich coming from him. He still had yet to explain everything to his father, which he stupidly promised Scott he would do in exchange for his best friend not breathing a word about it to the old man yet. God Stiles had a lot to sort out.  
He didn't want to hear any divorce talk and instantly kept shooting Scott down when he brought it up and all their other friends for that matter. It was too early to call, let alone practical at the moment. How would a divorce even work? Since Zayd, Stiles has been staying at home as a house husband and Derek the main provider, meaning they were all living on his salary right now. Stiles shook his head of the thought. Fuck, he's well aware people have looked down on him for that, people thinking he gave up his career for Derek's. But Stiles WANTED to be a stay at home husband. It was cheesy, but ever since he was little he wanted the whole white picket fence fantasy of having kids and a husband to welcome home. Derek argued about it constantly, saying how he would be happy to co-parent and they could take different shifts but Stiles insisted this is what he wanted, only reason he taught himself to bake and cook. Stiles wasn't stupid though, he still went to college and got a degree in teaching- people had their opinions on that too, that Stiles was so smart and could have done so much more, like Stiles didn't have a choice and NEEDED to go for the big paying high profile jobs, that he was wasting his potential. But Derek always supported him, there was no pressure to live up to expectations, Derek just wanted Stiles happy. When did that all change?

Watching Lily sleep besides him in her crib, Stiles smiled before getting out his laptop. Even if he didn't want to think about a divorce right now, Stiles wanted to be prepared for the worst. No matter how much he loved Derek, right now, whether it be from being blinded by grief or overwhelming truth, Stiles couldn't see a future were he forgave Derek yet. So, for now, he would look for a job. Something small and simple for the time being, maybe somewhere Lily could be with him too if Scott couldn't look after her - he had already done so much for Stiles and the kids after all. Stiles just wanted to provide for his kids, let them know he could depend on them when their faith in one parent was already shook or broken. He wouldn't let them down, not like he did Lily. He checked the local listings for any part time teaching assistants, maybe an extra hand at a daycare or something. His eyes sparkled for a moment over a position in a bakery but that was full time. Stiles reminded himself to focus on the task and spent the next 2 hours sending out his resume and qualifications to a few daycare centres that seemed to work for when Netta and Zayd would be at school. He shut the laptop off and put it away, laying his head against the cushions of the small sofa in Lily's bedroom. And because he wasn't allowed a moment of peace, his phone had to buzz at that time. Though the fact that Boyd was calling him was strange. Granted he liked the man, but he was more a friend of Derek's than Stiles. Oh god, was Derek getting Boyd to check on him FOR Derek now? Bracing himself quickly, Stiles stepped out the room but kept Lily's door open as he answered.  
"Hello? Boyd?"  
"Hey Stiles. Listen I hope it's not awkward but I need to tell you something that Derek is too scared to tell you." The man said and Stiles sighed. He knew this was coming, he asked Derek to NOT contact him unless it was to do with the kids. As if sensing his mood over the phone, Boyd just went for it, "He's just letting you know that he's still going to put money into the joint bank account you two have. He wants you to use it for the kids and yourself if you ever need it."  
What?  
"What?" Stiles voiced, meaning to ask the questioned aloud because...what the hell? "What, does he think I can't support myself!? Support my children?" Stiles' anger grew as he yelled, pretending that he himself wasn't having those exact thoughts a few moments ago."I don't need his money! Some sort of fucking allowance-"  
"It's not that Stiles!" Boyd cut off quickly, not wanting to make things worse. "It's just there IF you need it. Listen, I wasn't even meant to tell you because Derek thought you would get mad, but he was going to put money in their either way just for you to use and instead of waiting for you to talk to him so he could tell himself- because lets be honest Stiles, you aren't going to anytime soon- I thought you should know about it. He just doesn't want you to worry financially." Boyd finished, trying to explain himself the best he can, and Derek's actions too because his friend was trying to do what's right while respecting Stiles' boundaries he set. "If you don't want it, I'll tell him to stop. Or if you don't want to use it yet then you don't have to. I'm just letting you know that if worst comes to worst, you don't have to struggle- NOT THAT YOU WILL!" He added quickly, knowing how sensitive Stiles may be right now.  
Said man thought for a moment. So Derek was going to still provide for the family financially. And he was planning to just let Stiles find out if he ever looked at the joint account instead of tell him- just because Stiles said not to talk to him. Huh.  
"He knows that his money isn't going to make this better right."  
"He knows."  
"Good." Stiles' took a deep breath. Even Derek is aware of his role as the bread winner, and it seemed he wasn't going to just leave them all penniless which Stiles could appreciate even if it was a shallow gesture. Or maybe there was some thought about their family put into it according to Boyd, who knows anymore. But he had to admit that even if he did get a job as soon as tomorrow, without Derek's money between now and his next possible paycheck, Stiles might end up short on bills or things the kids may need for school. He swallowed his pride and finally spoke, "He can keep putting the money in. I just won't use it right now and just for emergency. I'm not depending on him for anything Boyd."  
"He doesn't expect you too. Derek knows you're strong." Boyd answered gently, Derek didn't want to humiliate his husband further if the family did end up suffering financially which would result in Stiles having to ask his estranged husband for money to support THEIR kids- it shouldn't have to get up to that point for Derek to take care of kids even a little through money. He wanted his family secure and although rightfully mad, Boyd knew Stiles would understand that. If not now, then when they eventually talk to one another again. Hopefully with enough time apart, they'll come together and have an actual discussion but Boyd was hoping to early for a faraway, currently, unlikely future.  
"Good...Well if that's all. Then goodbye." He hung up before he got an answer from Boyd and finally relaxed, placing his phone to the side. God he was a fucking wreck. A part of him wanted to believe it was a genuine gesture of Derek's part in a step towards showing he actually cares about his family, another nastier part of himself felt like maybe Boyd didn't call on his own accord and that it was Derek who did put him up to it, trying to manipulate Stiles and try to show that he couldn't survive without him. Fuck, maybe he shouldn't have agreed to the money if it that was the case. He was brought out of his thoughts as he saw Lily stir in the crib and got up to see his baby girl blink up at him, smiling brightly as she saw her papa over her. Stiles couldn't help but smile back - Lily had that effect on people- and picked her up, holding her close to him again.  
They went down to eat something together, Stiles liked eating besides her. A baby didn't care if you eat leftover pizza for your midday breakfast after all.

The children returned later that day to a home cooked meal of corn on the cob with fishcakes freshly made by Stiles, though the man didn't eat himself. Scott would question him on it but Stiles reassure him that he ate just before they got back. He lied. Really these days Stiles' didn't have much an appetite. His eating schedule was all messed up lately, he's been binge eating in the middle of the night and just snacking or eating nothing during the day for the last few days. He'll look into it later but right now he had his children to take care of.  
After they had something to eat, Stiles handed Netta the phone and Derek's number before leaving her with Scott and heading upstairs- both because he didn't want to be around for the call and because he wanted to talk to Zayd. Knocking on his door he called out.  
"Zayd? Am I okay to come in?"  
"Sure, Pa." Zayd's tired response came. Stiles walked in, smiling a little at his son sat on the bed holding a pillow close to himself. The older man came and sat besides him, his 14 year old coming closer and leaning his head against Stiles' shoulder.  
"Can we talk?"  
"If it's about him then no." Came the teens curt response and Stiles' understood. Zayd felt betrayed by his father, he understood more about the situation than Netta. So it hurt more.  
"We have to talk about it Zayd. Not for your dad but yourself at least. For us. I don't like seeing you so shut off." Stiles spoke softly, not wanting to scare Zayd away. "What do you think about what happened?"  
"He's a shithead and he can go to hell for all I care." Zayd bit out and it broke Stiles heart. Because his son didn't mean that, but he knows Zayd wished he did though. He still loves Derek but doesn't know where to go from here with his feelings. "After what he did to you-"  
"Forget me for a second Zayd." Stiles said gently. "He's your dad. Whats happening between your father and me, it beyond sucks but don't cloud your own feelings just to please me. It's okay to miss him-"  
"No it's not!" The dark haired boy pushed off Stiles and glared, but it obviously wasn't directed at Stiles. "I don't want to miss him! He clearly didn't miss us! Why the fuck should I feel bad when he's the one who fucked up-!" He slammed the curve of his hands against his eyes as some frustrated tears slipped out. Stiles pulled the young boy back against him. He was reminded once again why he didn't feel like he could forgive Derek, because the man hurt their kids as well as Stiles. But their kids, and their obvious love for their father was also the reason they were just separated for now.  
"You don't owe him anything." Stiles said gently. "I told him not to contact us unless we reach out- you don't have to speak to him like Netta is doing. Go at your own pace."  
"Not until you talk to him. I'm not doing that do you Pa-"  
"Zayd." Stiles griped the boy's shoulder and looked him in the eyes before stating sternly. "You are very smart boy. And I know you think being on my side on this is the best, but this isn't just about me. You shouldn't have to go through this for that, I'm sorry that all this is happening. Your relationship with your father is up to you, not dependent on me. If you miss him, if you want to talk to him or scream at him or whatever then go ahead. But for your own sake, do it on your terms. Not his, not mine, when YOU are ready." Stiles was not going to let this control Zayd's life. And if Derek wanted any chance to be apart of this family again, when Zayd does reach out to him Derek will damn well listen. Because that is the least their son deserves- to be heard above all this madness. Zayd starred at his Papa and couldn't help but admire the man who was trying to keep everything together through all this shit.  
"Okay...I'll think about it..." He reluctantly agreed but he couldn't help but feel lighter. He wasn't ready to speak to his dad yet, but he knows that when he does, he won't now feel like he's betraying his Papa. As long as he does it on his terms. Leaning forward, the teenager hugged his father tightly, "I love you Papa."  
"I love you too." Stiles sighed out, praying to whatever bullshit god was listening today, whoever was on shift, that no matter what happens that his children are okay.  
That night, Stiles got an email from the daycare around the corner. He landed an interview for later this week as assistant in one of their morning classes.

"And my hair was tied up really pretty today Daddy! And I had a cupcake at lunch, red velvet but not like the yummy ones Papa makes. And after lunch we-" Netta rambled on as Derek listened intently at her recalling her day and he made sure to retain every little detail. Because this was his daughter's life, one that he hasn't taken an interest in for the past year and he needed to fix that.  
"And we were making masks in school today and I made my favourite animal-"  
"A fox mask right?"  
"Well duh! Foxes are the best daddy!" And Derek smiled at that, recalling a small fox phase Netta went through when she was 4, crawling around in a red fox onesie and eating her dinner under the table, sticking everyone's feet with her fake fluffy tail. She was so adorable, still is. Derek wished he could see her face, but again when he had those thoughts, he reminded himself that it was his selfish actions that landed him here in the first place. The best he could do was be available when his family did need him and reach out. He wouldn't force anything or run like he has been doing.  
"Can you believe Missy said her tinker bell is better than mine daddy!?"  
"No sweetie I can't! You put glitter on yours, that instantly makes it better."  
"See!? Can you tell Missy that?" Derek chuckled at the request. "Oh that remind me! Can you start picking me up from school next week?" Netta asked excitedly. Derek frowned a little. Shes never asked before but that's probably because she's now more aware that Derek isn't going to be home at all anymore. Not that he was before, more a passing figure at most, but in her mind she must have been comforted knowing that Daddy at least still lived with them technically.  
"I'll work something out with your Papa." He promised. He would send Stiles a quick open text, on nothing more than picking Netta up and when he would be more comfortable- he felt like just expecting to be allowed to drop her off home every day would be a bit much.  
"Okay daddy. I've been real good for Papa by the way! Just like you said!" She preened, her daddy sighing out softly, satisfied that Stiles would have just a little less stress if Netta was behaving. Not that she was a 'bad kid' but she is just as energetic as Stiles was when he was younger, and as much as that was something both men adored about their daughter, it could get overwhelming at times. He watched as Boyd came into the work room and as much as he wanted to ask what his friend needed, his daughter took priority. Especially since this is the first call in a week since he left. Boyd took the hint and just sat down on a chair as Derek talked to Netta. It lasted about another 20 minutes before Netta hung up because Papa needed help in the kitchen. She said a quick bye and love you which Derek reciprocated.  
"That sounded like it went well." Boyd smiled gently, Derek nodding in agreement, but he didn't want to jinx it by saying it a loud.  
"Did you need something?" He asked his friend who suddenly tensed up.  
"Okay don't be mad but...I told Stiles that you're still going to be putting money into your joint account." The dark skinned man said to which Derek froze. But he wasn't mad just insanely worried.  
"W-what dd he say...?"  
"He said he won't use it yet but will keep it for emergency. If he really REALLY needs it." Derek let out a breath at that, glad that wasn't too bad. The money was just there for reassurance. He suspected Stiles wouldn't touch the account until he got needed to and was planning on just letting Stiles find out about the money when the time came- wanting to keep Stiles no communication rule up. But if Boyd already told and that was Stiles' reaction, maybe it wasn't so bad.  
"Thanks...He doesn't think I'm trying to bribe him in some sick way does he?" He asked carefully.  
"I don't know man. I'm sorry." Boyd answered honestly, he had tried his best to convince Stiles otherwise but he doesn't really know in the end if he was believed or not. Derek hanging his head at that. But again he reminded himself that this was his own fault and if Stiles was hesitate and questioning Derek's motives for things from now on, he had no one to blame but himself.  
"Alright...as long as he uses the money for himself and the kids when hes ready, that's fine." He relented. Boyd came and sat besides him on the sofa bed. Derek had a plan in place from a few nights ago, but he knew his limits. He had to be considerate of what his family actually needed and slowly do what he has planned step by step. No matter how long it took. He had a few behind the scene things he could do and planned to do but the real big stuff would have to wait.  
He told Boyd about Nettas request and after double checking what he would say with his friend, Derek sent the text out to his husband.  
Derek: Netta asked if I could pick her up next week. I would love to but are there any days you specifically want me to collect her?

It was straight to the point. No small talk to try and lure Stiles into conversation, it showed he wanted to do what Netta asked of him while giving Sties enough room to decide what boundaries should be set around their child's request.  
A reply came just as Derek was about to sleep.

"Monday, Wednesday and Fridays." And that was it. Derek couldn't and wouldn't ask for more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The angst isn't finished. Just so we're all aware XD. Thank you for all the love and support.  
> I truly I hope I dont disappoint too many people the way the story goes, I still don't know myself but hopefully it flows naturally and not forced.
> 
> Comments are a big motivation for me as always. I love reading everyones thoughts and kind words! THank you so much and hope you enjoy.


	11. Won't Give Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles starts at Kira's DayCare and adjusts to being in world beyond domestic duties and even gets some neutral advice about Lily, seeing his own mistakes and fears in the open.
> 
> Derek begins dropping off Netta, growing closer to her. Boyd gets Derek a new hobby so he's not just waiting around for Stiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Derek and Stiles both make steps towards healing.

Stiles took a few deep breaths as he sat in his car, parked outside the small day care centre which he applied to; Kira's DayCare. Stiles had arrived half an hour early because he was nervous to say the least. Kira Yukimura, the manager and owner gave him a video call interview over the weekend and now here he was on a Monday morning, freaking out about going to his first job. He was already worried enough today with Netta being picked up from school by Derek today, getting this job and being a step closer to independence was slightly nerve-wracking. Lily was in the car with him, playing with a stuffed animal (a toy wolf Derek had bought her long ago, it was the baby girl's favourite), and although Kira assured Stiles that Lily was more than welcome to come with him while he was on shift, he was still anxious to have her around all new children and adults - which were expected to take care of her. It's a big reason why Stiles and Derek didn't want to send her to a daycare even when the doctors said she was perfectly healthy. He wondered what Derek would think now, Stiles getting a job, taking their daughter with him and being too scared to actually go in. Stiles knows that Derek would be encouraging him to do in, that he could do it and all that usual stuff that Derek used to say in a way that made Stiles feel so damn special. He was almost tempted to call his husband up then and there to gain just a little confidence. Good thing his phone was in his bag while he gripped the steering wheel.  
Stiles almost jumped out his skin when someone knocked on his window. He saw Kira, who looked much prettier in person - the webcams did not to her justice.  
"Stiles, hi there!" Kira greeted excitedly. Stiles smiled a little and stepped out the car with his bag before getting Lily out too. walking over to Kira, he shook her hand.  
"Nice to meet you in person Kira." He greeted, relaxing a little around the woman, it helped that Lily was babbling happily as Kira made faces at her.  
"I saw you park a few minutes ago and wondered what was taking so long. Little nervous?" Stiles kept his paranoia down, reminding himself at Kira meant well and wasn't judging him.  
"Um...a little. I haven't worked since my eldest son was born." He said, almost regretting it until he saw the kind expression in Kira's eyes. No judgement.  
"That's alright. Working with kids is all practical anyway. And three kids plus babysitting the ones your friends have that you told me about, I'm sure you'll do just fine. Plus, I'll be with you the whole time." She winked, grabbing his free hand and leading the man towards the building, the bottom of which was covered in paint splats and chalk drawings.

After showing Stiles around the small playroom he would be working in, Kira went along with him to help introduce the other young babies to Lily. The man froze near the end of the animal printed play mat where some of the babes, some toddlers, were playing. Stiles watched as one of the toddlers waddled over towards him and Kira, grabbing onto the hem of the women's skirt and pointing over at Lily. Kira giggled, kneeling down to the young girl's height, speaking as kind as she has been.  
"Sara, that's Lily. You have to be careful with her okay?" She looked over at Stiles expectantly, who visibly swallowed before placing Lily down carefully who was eager to explore. She crawled over to Sara first, the olive skinned girl holding a rattle that Lily was interested in all the while holding onto the paw of her stuffed wolf. Sara plopped on her butt to sit in front of Lily, who followed her action and giggled and cheered happily as the older girl shook the rattle. Kira grinned and smiled over at Stiles who was watching his daughter carefully, almost forgetting to breath.  
"She'll be fine. Shall we leave her?" Kira wasn't making a move to force Stiles to leave Lily, but Stiles was still here as a staff member to do a job.  
"Sure lets go." He said, eyes slowly leaving Lily and her new friend as he followed Kira away.  
"Lily hasn't been around other kids much as she?" Kira asked, sitting down with Stiles to prepare some paper arts and craft jellyfish for the kids.  
"No really, it's only really been our friends children. I was too anxious to send her to a day care with strangers." It took Stiles a long time to even trust their friends with Lily without him in the room. Even now, Stiles' eyes kept darting to the girl across the room. He remembers when they allowed their friends to meet her for the first time how Derek almost killed Issac for making Lily laugh too much, scared she was getting to excited and would suddenly stop breathing. He felt sick just thinking about the possibility. And the unknown terrified both men more than anything because it was much to early to tell if Lily would have problems later in life- much more serious ones. Stiles' didn't want to catch the signs to late which is why he actively sort out appointments one after the other at the beginning, but after an argument with Derek, he cut back a little and had more of a rigid timetable of appointments for her. God he was a mess. "Do you think I'm harming her? Sheltering her like this I mean." Stiles asked carefully. They talked about a few of his concerns during the video interview and Kira explained how she 's had experience with particularly vulnerable children. Said women huffed a little in thought.  
"Nope." She answered honestly. "Harming is the wrong word, stunting her maybe. Lily is clearly a sociable child. She likes being around people." She giggled, watching the young girl pat her hands against another babies hands in some sort of messy makeshift handshake. "But you're not the first parent I've seen who's scared about letting their child grow, and that's even without the added anxiety of whatever medical condition a child may have. But you're acting around her already resigned to the idea that something bad is going to happen. And how long as it been since she's had a problem with her breathing?"  
"10 months..." Stiles said carefully, even then it was minor and the doctors assured him that sometimes that happens with newborns, especially those recovering from severe RDS at birth.  
"Exactly. I know that doesn't seem like a lot to a parent who's living through that but Lily needs to grow. You can't let a condition she's not even aware of take over her life. Especially one that she seems to be recovering from. Remember, RDS is a very common thing in babies when it comes to complications or newborn illnesses, even sever cases end in full recovery more often than not." The way the black haired women spoke was...reassuring. Stiles knows his friends meant well when they tried to offer advice but they hadn't lived with Lily and haven't seen her struggle. No one did! Well, that not strictly true. Derek saw it the first time it happened, in fact Derek used to tell him similar things Kira was during arguments, but Stiles didn't want to hear it from him- always thinking Derek must hate him for doing this to their daughter, that it was Stiles' fault. Kira had experience with these children, some similar with Lily. It felt nice to have someone neutral to talk to who also had a better idea of what he was dealing with.  
"Thanks Kira...I'll think about it." He said. He needed to stop thinking about Lily as a baby that almost died her first night in the world and think about her more as his baby girl who wanted to see the world.

"There you go sweetie!" Stiles smiled, laughing slightly as he watched one of the kids swing one of the paper jellyfish around on a stick while other kids were doing the same around him and Kira. It was almost afternoon and Stiles and Lily would leave soon, their shift ending then. But Stiles had a nice time. Kira was somehow passive but friendly at the same time. She kept him focus on the job and even let him leave in the middle of something to check on Lily- he knew he couldn't take advantage of her kindness for long so would have to get it under control. Maybe this job would be a good thing to force him leave Lily alone more, or at least give her room to breath. A loud yawn broke throughout the small room as a man walked in.  
"Alright I'm here on time. Early even! Happy?" Stiles watched the young looking man put his bag down before sitting on one of the small chairs meant for the children and laying over the equally small table. Kira threw a piece of chalk at him.  
"Theo, you get your feet of their right now. Go put your apron on! Even Stiles did it when he first got in without being asked!"  
"Who?" The man, Theo, then looked over at Stiles as he blatantly ignored the rest of Kira's statement. "Oh, the new guy."  
"It's um...nice to meet you. Stiles Stilinski." Stiles greeted, not questioning his disregard of the Hale part for now, holding his hand out at the man who shook it with confidence. He seemed only slightly smaller than Stiles, as far as he could tell from his position sat down. He had a mischievous gleam in his eyes that seemed prominent which made him suspect Kira's attitude towards him must be from experience dealing with the man.  
"Theo Raeken." Theo responded, raising a brow as he came over to shake his hand. "I don't get it, you told me he was 40. He looks 24." Not accounting for the small lines around Stiles' eyes of course. Stiles laughed as Kira smacked his arm.  
"That was a compliment!"  
"It was rude."  
"I'm telling the parents that if these kid's learn violence, it's your fault." Theo stuck his tongue out at Kira, instantly regretting it when one of the boys mirrored his gesture, Kira smirking thinking about instant karma. While they had their little spat, Stiles grabbed Lily and stood up.  
"Well thank you for everything today Kira. It was actually quite fun, for both of us." He kissed Lily cheeks, the girl in the middle of waving to her new friends and peers.  
"I'll see you Wednesday Stiles!" Kira waved at him as he walked out, feeling lighter than he had in a while a he made his way to his car.

"Derek, it's not that hard."  
"Yes it is."  
Boyd pinched the bridge of his nose as he stood in the narrow isle of a small corner shop, waiting for Derek Stilinski-Hale, quick witted silver tongued lawyer who could think of a come back before you even thought of can argument, tried to decide what candy to buy for his child. Boyd was holding his own 3 year old Saffron in his arms.  
"Last time I bought Netta candy, she loved white chocolate. But before she was really into mint chocolate..." Netta changed her mind so many times or got a new taste all together that Derek didn't wanna mess it up. He held it out to Saffron, "Saffron, which one would you pick?" He asked the 3 year old, who made grabby hands at both the chocolate as Boyd chuckled.  
"Here's an idea, how about you buy them both, ask Netta what she's in the mood for and give her the one she wants. You can eat what ever she doesn't pick."  
"That's a good idea." Derek relented, heading to the counter finally. "Thanks Saffron." Derek smirked as the little girl giggled at the unimpressed look her daddy gave.  
Derek waited in the school yard along with the other parents, focused solely on the door to Netta's school. If he paid attention to his surroundings like Boyd was, he would have noticed a good majority of the parents checking Derek out. Even for 45, Derek was still very much a model with a scruffy edge if anything, people still checked him out and if recent events were anything to go by, were very much attracted to him physically. Age seemed to be adding to his appeal rather than taking away; Boyd recalled how during a stressful exam week at university, Derek didn't shave and Stiles saw him for the first time with a bit of stubble and was weak the knees, even teacher almost hit on Derek until they realised who he was exactly. Back then, Derek was also a grumpy bitch for lack of a better term. Whenever people DID hit on him or blatantly flirt, he would always scowl at them or tell them to get bent. It got worse especially when he began to date Stiles and didn't even want people looking at him like he was available, because he wasn't anymore. Although Boyd appreciates the kind man Derek soon became of Stiles influence - how much more open and less defensive he was - the man couldn't help but feel that if Derek did stay the stand-offish closed off personality he was, would he have allowed Luke to come on to him then? Was kindness and dismissive behaviour more naive if anything?  
"Daddy!" Netta screeched excitedly, Boyd laughing as it caused Saffron to turn into him with a whine. He watched as Derek knelt down and hugged his daughter tight against him, planting kisses all over her face and he was reminded that it didn't matter how they got here now. Point was, Derek was trying his best to make up to the people he loved for leaving them and getting lost. And Boyd would help him every step of the way. He walked over to the father and daughter, seeing Netta thank her dad for the white chocolate bar she settled on. Placing Saffron down, who was getting fussy in his arms once she saw Netta and wanted to get some hugs off the girl, Boyd smiled as he watched the look of pure joy on his friends face just being near Netta. He hadn't seen that expression in awhile.  
"You good?" He asked. Derek looked down at Netta reaching her small hand up to hold onto his larger hand as she also held Saffron's hand.  
"I'm great."

Derek wasn't great when he dropped Netta off home. It had been difficult even. He wanted to spend more time with her after a week apart, Netta even asking if they could stop by a playground they walked past on their way over. But Stiles expected Netta home on time, it was too early for side trips. So promising to go another time instead, he had lifted her up on his shoulders (Boyd having to do the same with Saffron after she whined to copy the older girl) and carried her home after that, pretending to be the horse and carriage for his princess. So needless to say, it was hard having to put her down once they arrived home, Derek stopping at the front yard and hugging Netta tightly once again. "I'll see you soon baby."  
"Bye bye daddy..." Derek heart broke a little at hearing her voice like that, because Netta wanted him home but he couldn't give her that. It wasn't the right time.  
"Netta come on let's go. I'll let you play some games on my laptop." Zayd suddenly appeared from nowhere, blatantly ignoring Derek who was right in front of Netta as he ruffled the girl's hair before continuing onto the front door. That seemed to quickly cheer the girl up as she quickly followed her brother, turning around at the door to wave at her daddy. Derek waved back as he stood from his kneeling position and watched the two enter as Scott opened the door. The man glared at Derek once the kids were in and pointedly shut the door harder than he would have. Derek sighed at that.  
"You'll work up to the rest of them." Boyd reminded, walking off with Derek again.  
"I know...it's just sinking in how long it's going to actually take." He knew he wouldn't happen over night or even a few months. But it still hurt. Boyd didn't comment further, Derek needed to understand what he was feeling after all, a little guilt to remind him of what hes lost and then turn that guilt into motivation and determination to get it back.

Once they got back, Erica was busy in her studio room, recording a make up tutorial. Boyd decided to have some fun and let Saffron loose towards the direction of mommy's work room. He would pay the price later, even if Erica didn't really mind her baby interrupting her videos. He led Derek to his own work room.  
"So, what you planning for the rest of the day?" Boyd asked as he got some goggles on.  
"Going to call Lily's doctor, ask for an update. Stiles text me to say she had an appointment on Friday." He knows his husband wasn't telling him late or with holding information.The doctors had done a few quick tests and that always made Stiles anxious a few days after. He was even more difficult to talk to during those times. Derek just thought it best he find out himself from the doctors when Stiles tells him. She only has about 2 or 3 a month now, which was better than the obsessive ones Stiles used to make. "Other than that, nothing."  
"Great. You can help me out on a project. If that alright with you?" Boyd held some goggles and a mask out to Derek. The man took them but laughed nervously.  
"Um, not sure how good I'll be, man."  
"Don't worry about it. I'll help you out. Just go at your own pace." Boyd laughed gently, secretly satisfied that he going to teach his university lawyer educated friend something. And oh boy, did Derek struggle at first. He almost broke his hand multiple times using the hammer, the sanding almost took his fingers- the only things he didn't almost get killed by was when the man was placing the gloss over the wood. Nearing dinner, Derek had made one whole chair by himself while Boyd had made 5 and cut up the pieces to get started on the table tomorrow.  
"You sure I'm not gonna slow you down?" Derek laughed as they sat back, enjoying a beer. Boyd shook his head with a smile.  
"Nah, helps the company. Plus, give you a skill and something to do rather than mope. Who knows? Maybe you'll make Stiles a dresser or something one day." He attempted for a light tone but Derek's face turned solemn.  
"Yeah well...don't hold your breath." Derek wanted to believe that he and husband would get better. But that was all on hope rather than real indication that they would.  
"Hey, look at me Derek." Boyd searched for his friends eyes until Derek faced him. "It's gonna be hard but don't tap out yet! Giving up instead of facing your problems is why you're here in the first place...idiot." Boyd ended fondly, Derek chuckling at that, though he whole-heartedly agreed with the last remark.  
"I'm just gonna wait it out like I said before I try anything major." He said. It was hard, but Derek didn't just want to give Stiles some big gesture to prove his love. He needed to prove he was reliable, that he could actually listen. And he needed to show that to his husband while he still had the chance.  
"As long as you're not giving up then that's fine by me. I love you man but I am not sharing a room with you like we did at college. I'd rather die." Boyd took another swing at his drink as Derek laughed. Boyd could be funny when he wanted to be. After a few minutes of talking, Boyd left to join his family for dinner. He offered Derek a place at the table but the man declined. As much as Boyd was trying to help him, Erica would still kill him on Stiles' behalf. Besides, he wanted to stay in here longer just admiring their work.

In a lot of ways, Derek knew he would struggle fixing his marriage like he struggled making that one chair. It would be hard, it would be messy and Derek might end up killed if he used the tools at his disposal wrong. But Derek was not going to give up. Picking up a hammer, Derek worked through the night to attempt to make a second chair remembering the steps Boyd had showed him and learning from his mistakes so he didn't make them again.

Boyd was beyond impressed at the improvements made when he walked in the next morning, placing a blanket over his friend who was sleeping against sawdust covered floor, his fingers bruised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter expanded a bit more on Stiles, I'm going to focus on his development a bit more as well as Derek's revelations and steps to some form of reddemmtion.
> 
> Again, Comments are huge motivation and joy for me to read everyone opinions and takes on what should happen or what they would do. I hope no one is too disappointed with however the story ends- which won't be for awhile because I have a lot of themes I wanna explore especially when Stiles and Derek do eventually come together.
> 
> Thank you for all the support and leave kudos!


	12. It's Raining Lonely Men

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scott tries to convince Stiles to consider a Derek free life and maybe see what the other fish in the sea are like.
> 
> Derek makes a step towards reaching out to Zayd.

One whole month passed and not much had changed from when Stiles had started his job except a few small significant things within his children- positive changes for the most part. Zayd was still spending most of his time in room, going to sleep right after dinner, but luckily he had a lacrosse game coming up so Stiles hoped that he would gain some energy for that. Netta was happier than ever, especially on the days that Derek would pick her up from school. Stiles didn't know how to react to that, but he was grateful Netta had developed re-established a type of bond with her daddy despite everything and besides, he would never complain about his children being happy. He was almost pleased with the fact that Derek was keeping his word, he hadn't let Netta down so far after all, but Stiles still wasn't going to bet on it lasting for long. Stiles himself has yet to actually reach out to Derek, still hurt and furious and confused if anything. Yet despite that, hes kept Derek updated on Lily's progress in the day care, how she was making friends and being more active and exploring by herself more- even Stiles was letting her go slowly, less anxious to jump at every opportunity to check on her. He still hadn't told Derek he had a job yet but wouldn't be surprised if Netta told her daddy, not that Stiles would no anyway with his no contact rule firmly in place and again, Derek respecting it for now  
Stiles was happy with his job though, he had picked from the joint bank account now and then because it was still just a part-time job and there was still big expenses to be paid. But Stiles liked that he still had his own money coming in; he wasn't JUST relying on Derek to pay for every aspect of his life, he liked that he could still treat his children and provide for them to the best of his limited abilities. Point is, that eve though things were unclear, Stiles had something to distract him, to make things more stable while in limbo, for now at least. He had a routine that he could focus on as well as their friends still dropping by to help. It also helped that Kira and Theo were becoming new friends of his too, that he trusted them with Lily was also a big bonus. Kira was knowledgeable and caring (kind of like his very own Allison though Scott would argue his wife was one of a kind) and even if Kira complained about the younger boy, Theo was a good carer to all the kids too. 

Like right now, Stiles was helping him cut up some fruits and vegetables for the afternoon class starting soon while Lily was asleep in a crib near them. Kira was outside with an umbrella waiting for the kids to be picked up by their parents in the rain. Stiles watched the heavy rain outside and kind of wished he drove here instead of walked but it was sunny before he swears! Theo clicked his fingers in front of the mans face.  
"Hey old man, focus." Theo smirked as the title caught Stiles' attention with a huff.  
"Oh shut up. You're not that much younger than me." Which was a lie at worst and subjective at best. Theo was 29, so not as young as his husbands 22 year old whore- he quickly shook his head of the thought before he went deeper down that road.  
"You're right. I'm not that much younger than you." Theo mused easily, an edge to his voice that he sometimes had when talking to Stiles, who tired not to look to into it and definitely looked away when Theo bit down a strawberry, licking the juice off his fingers.  
Maybe it was the 9 month dry spell, but whenever Theo and Stiles were left alone, there was always a strange air between them. It was usually over shadowed by playful banter and talk about the children at the centre, but sometimes it was strong. Very strong, and Stiles didn't want to think about what that suffocating feeling meant. Thankfully though, Kira walked in, absolutely soaked despite heaving an umbrella.  
"Stiles, I know you're done for the day, but I don't think you're getting home soon, especially since you walked here. This rain is not going to let up for awhile." Kira said, the older man sighing slightly. Guess he would have to call Scott but he was probably busy with Issac or on video call with Allison and Stiles really didn't want to interrupt his free time away from Stile's problems. While thinking of his options, Theo spoke up once he placed the cutting board and knives away.  
"I can drive you home. You only live 10 minutes drive from here right?"  
"Uh- you have work!" Kira crossed her arms and Theo rolled his eyes, like she thought she was intimidating. Stiles shook his head.  
"I can't ask you to do that. I'll just wait it out or call a friend-"  
"It's not that far even with traffic." He turned to Kira then. "You really want him carrying Lily in this rain? I;ll be back before you know it and I'll put in some overtime if you really want." Kira sighed and relented, Stiles just watching Theo get his coat and an umbrella, still wondering what was actually happening. He looked at Stiles expectantly who bit his lip before getting himself and Lily ready with their coats. He said bye to Kira for the afternoon and headed out with Theo.

They both ran towards Theo's car, the rain falling hard and the wind making it even worse. Stiles held Lily's head against his shoulder and waited with the umbrella as Theo set up a baby seat in the back of his car before taking the young girl from Stiles' arms and placing her in side, both men then getting in too. The starred at each other's soaking faces for a moment before they burst out laughing, hushing up quickly when Lily stirred in her sleep.  
"I...Thank you for this." Stiles smiled a little, as Theo started up the car.  
"Hey no problem, you're not the first parent to be stuck in the rain. Why do you think I had a car seat in here?"  
"I don't know. You're young. Got any baby mamas or daddy's you're keeping secret?" Stiles smirked as Theo shot him a glare with no heat behind it.  
"Haha." He responded drily. Driving out of the car park, they soon enough found themselves stuck in traffic. Stiles looked to the back seat at Lily sleeping soundly. His baby is so damn cute. If someone told him he would be allowed to do nothing else in his life except look at Lily like this forever, he would be more than happy with that. To keep his little miracle child like this.  
"Hey um, I hope you don't mind me asking," Theo began carefully, "But, where's her dad? Or your kids dad, unless they have different father which I'm not judging-! It's just you don't wear a wedding ring and-"  
"Calm down." Stiles sighed, shaking his head at the younger man. "I'm um... I AM married. We're just not together TOGETHER right now..." He hoped Theo didn't pry further. "We got married when we were young and broke too, never got rings. Just a marriage registration." Stiles said, and god, did he sound like a cliche saying it all aloud. Young dumb and in love and nothing mattered except the person you were with. He remembered thinking he could do anything in the world as long as Derek was with him, but it seemed that he was mistaken on so many levels...  
"Guessing he fucked up huh?"  
"Majorly." Stiles sighed. That feeling of dread was sneaking up on him again. Was Theo judging him for not divorcing Derek straight away? Did he think he was easy, or stupid giving up his life so early? But the man beside him said nothing, just hummed in acknowledgement of Stiles answer. Huh.  
Another 15 minutes passed before they actually got home, the rain had calmed down to just a spit now and Stiles smiled a little as Scott opened the door, managing to see his friend in the car through the rain.  
"Thanks again Theo, Really." He said, pausing as the grabbed his hand, a gentle smile on his face.  
"Hey, any time. Seriously." After letting go of Stiles' hand, Stiles bit the inside of his cheek but nodded before getting out. He got Lily out from the back along with their bag and waved at Theo as he drove off, finally heading inside to Scott.

Stiles placed the baby girl in her play pen once he dried them both off and changed his clothes. He left her with Scott in the living room while he went and made some snacks for when the kids got home and made preparations for dinner before finally settling down next to his friend who was just wrapping up video call to Allison.  
"Bye babe. Tell Kaitlyn I love her!" He waved at the camera on his phone before ending the call, turning to his best friend. "Hey, sorry I didn't come to get you from the daycare. I didn't even realise it was raining! You have texted me."  
"Don't worry about it man. Theo dropped me off." Scott looked confused at that.  
"Who?"  
"Theo. Just a guy I work with. He does full time along with Kira in the class I'm in." He explained, Scott's expression changing from confusion to one of interest. Stiles knew where he was going with that. "Nope."  
"I didn't even say anything!" Scott whined, though didn't do a good job at hiding his intentions clearly.  
"I know what you were going to suggest and the answer is No. I just started working there, I'm not fucking with my 29 year old co worker. Oh and in case you forgot, I'm married!"  
"That didn't stop Derek!" Scott glared, angry that Stiles was still willing to stay loyal when Derek didn't even care to. Stiles has been in love with Derek since was 16, they got married when Stiles turned 18! He went through college married and committed, not exploring his other options or giving anyone a chance. Scott wanted Stiles to see that there were other BETTER people out there for him. Maybe Stiles thought it was too late but Scott knows that it isn't! Especially with Stiles being the definition of twink! He must have said the last part a loud because that earned him a smack and glare from his best friend.  
"Scott, he is 29! I am not stooping to Derek's level or putting even more problems on my kids by having them see me with another man!"  
"Don't tell your kids then!" Scott said, quickly continuing to try and ease the look of murder on Stiles' face. "I just mean that you're allowed to have your own life Stiles! One away from the house and kids. Okay maybe not Theo if he's too young for you, but there are other people out there! People you have yet to meet. You can go can meet those people, have fun, see if there is something there and THEN tell your kids when the time is right. But you're allowed to have your own life Stiles. " Scott hoped he was getting through to his friend who looked conflicted. As if he still loved that lying cheating bastard he married. Scott learnt his lesson about bringing up divorce or separation, but that doesn't mean that he didn't want Derek to pay for what he did, that he didn't want Stiles to do better because he deserved better, "Just...think about it Stiles. You've given up so much for Derek. It's time you let yourself be taken care of. Let someone spoil you." He finished gently. He couldn't get a reply from Stiles as his phone went off and Scott sighed, telling Stiles it was Issac and walked to the other room to answer it.  
Leaving Stiles' with his thoughts. Thoughts that he wasn't ready for. He it crossed his mind now and then, revenge cheating. But Stiles felt disgusted with himself whenever it came up because is that the sort of person he would become because of Derek? He couldn't do that to himself. Derek used to spoil him too, giving just as much to the relationship as Stiles was putting in even if it did look one sided to some people, Stiles knew the truth. And the truth was that Derek had stopped spoiling him, stopped cherishing him and he couldn't deny that he wanted to feel that again,to feel loved and cherished. He definitely wasn't ready to have sex with anyone, but a date? Maybe? Stiles groaned as he rested his head back against the cushions of his sofa. God, what would his mother think?  
Speaking of, Stiles still needed to have a discussion with his dad. One month since all this began and he hasn't told his dad anything still, Scott getting more and more restless to do it for him. He promised himself he would do it later tonight after Zayd's lacrosse game.

"Daddy I like you car. It smells nice! But Papa has a dancing llama on here-" Netta pointed to the dashboard of Derek's car as best as she could from the back. Derek laughed at his daughters comments. "It's wiggles it's head all the time!" The girl giggled.  
It was raining heavily once again and Derek thought it best to bring his car to pick Netta up today with how unpredictable the whether had been today. Netta was a princess after all, and princess do not ruin their hair because of rain. Derek learnt that the hard way when Netta was 4 and it started raining suddenly while they were all at the park as a family. It was only a little spit, not even enough to create puddles. Derek and Stiles were planning to just continue their day in the park since it wasn't a lot but Netta cried loud and kept going until they reached their car and dried her hair up. Never again.  
It would take them awhile to get home, given the whether and home time school traffic, so Derek sent off a text to Stiles next time they stopped to explain Netta would be late. He got left on read again, which was fine honestly. The man had come to terms with the fact that no responses or short 1 word (3 if he's lucky) responses were the best he was going to get. His whole text thread for the month on his phone between him and Stiles was just little updates on Lily on Stiles side and endless unanswered texts on Derek's side. Not really a conversation threat at all, just passing notes if anything. But Derek would be patient. He was just grateful that he had contact with Netta for past few weeks, counting his blessings. He also got little updates on the rest of his family from the little girl. Not that he was prying for information, Netta just blurt it out. Like now-  
"Zayd is super nervous about his lacrosse game tonight but Papa say's he'll do amazing like always."  
"Of course he will. Your big brother is amazing at Lacrosse just like Papa said." Derek smiled. "You going to support him?"  
"Yuck! Sports are boring daddy! I'm gonna stay home with Aunt Lydia. She's gonna show me new hairstyles!" She said excitedly. Derek smiled at her again, he ahd always tried to get her into sports but it seemed his little girl was a princess through and through -not that Derek cared either way. Suddenly a thought crossed his mind...but he would run it by Boyd first, not wanting to do anything rash. Erica was warming up to him a little more again too, so maybe he could get her thoughts on what Stiles would say.  
5 minutes late than usual, Derek finally pulled up at the house, smirking as he watched Netta pull her hood up and preparing to run to the front door like the rain couldn't get her if she was fast enough.  
"Bye daddy! I love you!" She called, opening the door and running, Derek having to quickly roll the window down so he could shout out quickly that he loved her too. Seeing her inside once Scott opened the door her her, he drove off.

"Hey you're back. Gimme a hand here." Boyd said, hanging Derek a drill and pointing to the different points on the wood he marked, asking Derek to drill along the dots. Boyd liked having Derek around when he was working on his projects. The man had gotten really good over the past months with small mistakes here and there, but Boyd saw them as partners in this now, even if Derek was just helping out as a distraction.  
A few hours of working and Erica had some in with a tray of food and drinks for the men, one beer for herself as well. She greeted Boyd with a kiss before admiring the new play house structure Derek and her husband had built for a client.  
"Not bad boys. Now when am I getting my new wardrobe?" Erica grinned at Boyd who rolled his eyes.  
"When you pay for the supplies."  
"Ass." She giggled, Derek shaking his head at the pair, knowing Boyd had already drawn up plans for her new wardrobe and was planning to have it finished before their anniversary in a few months. He placed his drink down as he leaned against the wall.  
"Hey so, I wanna run something by you guys." He said, getting their attention, "Do you think it's a good idea if I go to Zayd's lacrosse game tonight?" Derek tried, watching their faces carefully for a reaction. "I mean, I haven't seen him play for a long time you know? But I know he might not want me there and then there's Stiles..." He sighed at that. He hadn't seen his husband in person since he left the house, it would be strange if they ran into each other at the game where Stiles might be there with Scott, who still gives him glares from the door when Derek drops off Netta.  
"I say go for it." Erica said, which surprised both men that she was the one to suggest such a thing, "Just go and feel things out, sit at the very back if you don't wanna be noticed. If Zayd sees you and clearly doesn't want you there then leave. But anything is better than not trying at all." She finished, kissing Boyd's cheek and leaving the room, calling for Saffron. Boyd looked over to Derek who looked just as dumbfound as he was.  
"Well...You heard the lady. Better clean up and get ready." Boyd smirked, Derek feeling a tingle of excitement burst in his heart at the thought of seeing his son play for the first time in a long while.  
Derek just hoped he would be welcomed.

Derek sat the very back of the bleachers in the corner with Boyd as they watched both teams from either schools busy talking to each other on the field as parents and friends got settled on the bleachers. It was dark and cold, the game having to start late because the whether meant the other team's bus and parents ran late to get here. Derek didn't care either way though, he was just focused on trying to look for Zayd and he soon spotted him. He often worried about his son playing for his high school team because he would be playing with kids much older and bigger than him- it wasn't often that a freshmen got picked to join the team when they first try out. But Derek was beyond proud of his son when he came home with the news that he made the team and instantly made promises to be at every game.  
Clearly he didn't keep that promise but he was going to start now. Boyd nudged him and Derek looked over to the direction he was pointing to find the back of his husband and Scott sitting on the front row of bleachers right in front of them. Derek hoped Stiles didn't turn around to see him but at the same time wanted nothing more than to face his husband after what felt like years of not seeing his gorgeous brown eyes and- Derek cut himself off there and looked back at the field.  
Tonight was about Zayd and Zayd alone, reminding himself that he had to work his way up to Stiles.  
The whistle rang out and the two players at the centre almost fought for the ball before Zayd's team mate managed to claim it and the game had officially begun. Derek cheered silently every time it Zayd's team got the upper hand. Until he noticed how his son was playing...  
The boy was too quick to pass the ball, missing his team mate by large margins and the ball ending up with the other team. Or Zayd would choke in throwing it when he neared the goalie and suddenly would be surrounded by the other team. Derek could tell how frustrated he was because even from up where he sat, he could see the tight grip the boy had on the stick and the anger he felt when the coach called for a time out and Zayd almost threw his helmet to the ground as clearly the coach was giving him a hard time for how he was playing. Derek wished he could help somehow because this wasn't like Zayd at all. The game was about to start up again, Zayd apparently given one more chance as he headed back towards his position. He looked up towards the bleachers and froze, Derek wondering what he saw. First he thought he was looking at Stiles until he noticed...Oh shit. He was starring right at Derek. Before Derek could wave, or smile or even hde his face in case Zayd glared at him, the whistle blew once again.  
Now this time, things were much more different. Zayd was speeding across the field, cooperating with his team mates and his hand eye coordination was once again on point. Within a few minutes, he even scored his first point of the night and Derek cheered loudly with everyone else, jumping to his feet with Boyd (He figured the noise of everyone else would stop Stiles from noticing him). Derek didn't want to jinx it or sound arrogant, but he felt like Zayd was kind of playing for him.  
Once the last Quarter was up, the game now done, Zayd's school was announced the winners. Derek again, cheering louder than anyone else.

The teams had left the field and the parents waited for their respective kids. Derek thought it best if he left now, not wanting to over step any boundaries.  
"You sure you don't at least want to say hi to him?" Boyd offered.  
"He'll want to be with Stiles. I'm just happy I got to see him play." He sighed out, it wasn't a complete lie. He did love that he got to see Zayd play, but speaking to his son would have been better. He headed to the parking lot with Boyd, the man wanting to get a drink from a vending machine before they left so Derek waited by his car. A few minutes passed when Derek heard footsteps and looked up from his phone expecting Boyd. What he got was Zayd, dressed out his uniform with his bag on his shoulder and Lacrosse stick in hand. The older man didn't know what to say.  
"Hey.." Zayd spoke, eyes cast to the ground.  
"Hey..." Derek urged himself to grow a pair and speak to his son. "You played really well today. Amazing even."  
"Yeah? You mean it?" Zayd asked almost hopefully. Derek smiled and nodded.  
"I mean it. First quarter you were a little rough but you totally pulled through." He said gently, smiling when he saw his sons bashful look, almost confirming his theory that Zayd was playing for him. A silent fell between them then.  
"I better get back...Papa and Uncle Scott are taking me out to eat and celebrate." Zayd said, gesturing behind him back to the field.  
"You have fun Zayd." Derek settled on, not wanting to drag this out longer than his son wanted. Zayd nodded and turned away before pausing.  
"Um...Thanks for coming by the way." He said quickly, before sprinting off. Derek felt lighter after that, allowing himself to smile to himself, feeling he finally did something right with his son.  
Suddenly his phone beeped and a message from Stiles lit up his screen just as Boyd got back.

Stiles: You should have told me you were coming to Zayds Game. Should have checked with me.

Looks like Derek didn't do as right as he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was definitely my longest one.  
> I want to make it clear that the actions and thoughts of the charcaters dont reflect my view for the most part. Cheating itself is a very complicated thing when it happens and each person situation is different so as much as I love reading your comments and thoughts, please be respectful to each other whether you think cheating is unforgiveable or not or who you think is responsible whether it be the cheater or both prior to cheating.
> 
> I love to read your comments and everyones different prespectives so please keep them coming but understand that this story will end the way I feel most natural and hope you wont be too disappointed no matter what side you're on.
> 
> Thank you for all the support! Leave and comment and kudos. Thank you so much everyone.


	13. Shine Your Light My Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles tells his dad about what's been happening and John understands better than Stiles thought.
> 
> Derek thinks about where is life was headed and how Stiles changed that. A little look into their earlier relationship.

Stiles was in his room all dressed and about to got to bed before deciding he wanted to just spend some time on the balcony for awhile. The kids were all asleep, Zayd completely exhausted from the game, and Scott and Lydia had left for the night too. He appreciated his friends coming over and helping him out, more open to said help than he was when Lily was first born. But on nights like this, where the stars where bright in the sky, when everything was peaceful on their little street, he wished there was someone besides him- he wished Derek was besides him, pathetically enough. Speaking of, said estranged husband had replied to his message regarding Zayd's game, Stiles had yet to read it because honestly, Stiles sent him that message in a moment of pettiness. Which was stupid in a way- Zayd was Derek's son and if he wanted to come to a game then the only person that had a right to object was Zayd himself. Stiles was just so angry that suddenly Derek had the nerve to appear like that, that suddenly he wanted to be there for his kids when he couldn't be for the past year so sent that message in a moment of anger because what if Zayd didn't want Derek there? He should have told Stiles! Who was he to just show up like that!? And again, he was Zayd's farther. Which is why another side of Stiles, the side he felt was weak, like that Derek showed up because their son did clearly appreciate the gesture. It showed in how he played right after he saw the man. Stiles appreciated the gesture too despite his moment of anger- he just didn't want his kids hurt. What if this was the only game Derek shows up to? This one glimmer of hope he dared dangle in front of his own son only to let him down? Stiles held the blanket he brought out against himself tighter, feeling like an idiot worrying about scenarios that were just mere possibilities, not fact of what might happen. He just had to hope that Derek knew how fragile the relationship between him and their children were and wouldn't be so careless with it.

Feeling in need of his own father right now, Stiles got out his phone (still ignoring the notification about Derek) and called up his father. It was just reaching midnight so he didn't fully expect the man to be up, but he was glad when he did.  
"Stiles? Hey Son!"  
"Hi Dad, How are you doing?" Stiles decided it was best to start with small talk, get the pleasantries out of the way before he drops any big bombs on his father. At least that was the plan until John started asking about when he should come over for his very late visit, "Yeah Um...That's what I'm calling about that." Stiles began carefully. "Things haven't been going on well over here...between Derek and I."  
"I figured." Came Johns reply, shocking Stiles.  
"What do you mean?"  
"Well it's not like you two have been particular discreet about your issues the past year, and that's just me over the phone and the few times I've come over this year." John explained. Both Stiles and Derek have called him less, and when he did receive a call from either of them, it was always interrupt by them arguing with each other before John eventually got the idea and hung up, not wanting to ease drop on marital issues. Which proved to be pointless because when the few visits he did make after Lily was born to see his grandchild, either Derek wasn't home or Stiles would be yelling at him over the phone in the evening. Given all that, one truly didn't need to be a detective to know that something was definitely wrong. "Wanna fill me in completely on what's happen?"  
Stiles sighed heavily hearing that even his father, who lives thousands of miles away, knew his marriage was a mess. So no point in beating around the bush now.  
"He cheated on me." Stiles blurted out, taking a few deep breaths. He didn't want to recall and face every single detail, at least not yet. Stiles needed to keep himself strong still, he didn't want to worry his dad and breakdown over the phone especially. Speaking of his dad, he was completely silent. "Dad? Did you hear me? Derek-"  
"I heard you." Came the tired reply and Stiles' was worried then.  
"Dad? Is everything alright?" Stiles waited as patiently as he could, his heard rate going up by the second, wondering what his dad was going to say or do. He was so ready for anger or questions but the man was just so quiet.  
"Stiles, You know I loved your mother with all my heart right? Still do even though she's gone?" John began, not really a question, more an opening statement and Stiles was too scared to hear anything else as the man continued, "She was gorgeous. I remember thinking that I would never ever find anyone else to love for the rest of my life-"  
"Oh my god dad- Di..Did you cheat on Mom!?" Stiles felt tears in his, questions already forming in his head and John's pause didn't help when finally the man spoke again.  
"No. But she had an affair." He said and Stiles froze then. His mother- Claudia Alicja Stilinski, writer, frequent homeless shelter volunteer and church goer Claudia Stilinski had an affair? Cheated on her husband? Stiles' father? But that can't be true, Stiles remembers his childhood, the love his parents shared. He wanted that- it was literally something straight out of a fairytale how they met, how Claudia and John were waking past each other when she suddenly slipped and he caught her right in his arms! Dad called it love and first sight, his mom said it was fate and to think how they would have missed each other. His dad always to this day called her 'the angel that feel into my arms.' How the HELL is her cheating on him possible?

"It's kind of a long story." His dad sighed out. But if there ever was a time to tell him, then it was now. "But I'll try to keep it short. It was before you were born. Real close in fact. I came home from work, on a high from putting down an application to become Sheriff when your mother told be she was pregnant. And it was meant to be the happiest day of my life," Stiles swallowed a heavy breath when he heard the tone of his dad's voice, one Stiles' has had for awhile now. "Then she told me that there was a possibility I wasn't the father. That right before our wedding a few months prior, she got cold feet and wanted to 'feel free again'. So she claimed a moment of weakness and had sex with some random man she met at the first bar she went to." John laughed a little then, as if still bitter.  
"Dad you don't have to-"  
"Shut up and listen, boy." John gathered himself quickly. "She then told me of other men too, after our wedding even. I remember feeling so damn sick. I didn't react the best way, said some disgusting things to your mother. How she should have an abortion, that I wouldn't raise a child that wasn't mine. Fuck, I even wished her dead right then and there." John paused then and Stiles felt the air between them thicken with tension even if they were a thousand miles apart. His dad couldn't have knows how true his words would be years later, but that doesn't mean what he said was right.  
"You were angry dad."  
"Yeah, that's my excuse for saying that shit. Her excuse for doing what she did." There was some noise over the phone and Stiles knew then his father probably got up to pour himself a drink. The younger man wouldn't lecture him on late night drinking just this once. "I almost kicked her out the house then, said I didn't care if she went back to fucking Poland -I'm not proud of my xenophobia there Stiles- just as long as she got out of my sight. But I couldn't go through with it...I was a deputy, I was in love with this women. And she pregnant. What sort of man would I be if I just left her out in the streets?" Stiles could hear his father already fill up another glass. He would voice his concern if he made it to a 4th glass.  
"So what did you do? Can't have been easy living with someone you love hurt you like that."  
"It wasn't. I didn't speak to Claudia for weeks. Got up before her, got home late to avoid her, the whole shebang." All of that sounded familiar to Stiles. "Then one day she had some really bad pains in her stomach. She was rushed to hospital from the Church and I got a call at work telling me to come to her quickly- that she was in pain and-" The 73 year old man cut himself off there, clearly not wanting to recall certain parts. "Point is, I almost lost your mother and you that day. I almost lost the women I love and the last word I would have said to her and our unborn child was 'I fucking hate you.' I couldn't let that happen." Both men were silent for awhile, but Stiles couldn't help but anxiously ask;  
"So what happened next?"  
"We talked." He said simply. "We talked for 2 days straight, had an actual conversation beyond excuses and insults and personal digs just to hurt each other further. I still didn't know what to do, if I wanted to stay after you were born. And Claudia clearly had her own problems, that I had to take responsibility for as well if she felt that unloved that she sought out other men-"  
"Dad! It's not your fault Mom cheated!" Stiles interrupted and John seemed to be expecting that.  
"Kiddo, there is a difference between blame and responsibility. Claudia made the decision to cheat, I'm not denying that. That's her responsibility. But it was my actions too, for not listening to her that contributed to our other problems- problems I didn't want to see until it was too late in the form on an unborn baby. So we agreed to seek out a neutral third party, a therapist. If it didn't work out by the time you were born, then we would end it and go our separate ways."  
"And how did that work out?"  
"Well, married until death do us part. So what to do you think son?" Stiles bit his lip at that. He literally doesn't remember a time in his life where his parents ever had tension or some sort of resentment to each other. Stiles remembers the kisses, the surprise gifts, the longing gazes, the bedtime stories both his parents would read him, taking turns to voice different characters and teasing the other when one was the villain and the other the hero.  
"Wait so-"  
"Yes Stiles I am your damn father." John laughed. "You want another DNA test for yourself then knock yourself out." Stiles rolled his eyes at his father with a dry laugh.  
"Good to know. What I was going to say was, why tell me all this? I'm sorry that all happened dad, but Derek cheated on me for months. He neglected our children! He literally spend months living another life with someone else and-"  
"He did everything you feel you SHOULD hate him for. And you do. But you also love him." John said again, Stiles pursing his lips as John describing his feelings exactly. "I'm not saying forgive. Fuck no. But what I learnt with your mother Stiles is that your anger and feelings are valid- ALL OF THEM. Even the ones you're not ready to admit you still have for him. And you are never going to make a sound clear decision that you are certain of unless you take the steps for yourself to understand how to make that decision. And maybe this is something I should have recommended to you a long time ago, Derek definitely should have-"  
"Recommend what?" Stiles asked, already on the defensive and his father sighed tiredly. All it did was piss Stiles off more because he knew exactly what was coming.  
"Therapy Stiles. I think you should take therapy. About Derek, about your kids- especially what happened with Lily, about your mothers death- everything." John listened carefully and wasn't surprised at the response.  
"Fuck you dad. Seriously fuck off. I don't need some quack telling me I'm insane or depressed or whatever fuck else." He yelled down the phone, forgetting he was still on the balcony for a moment before coming back down to a harsh but still loud volume. "Derek is the one who fucked up! Why the hell are you attacking me your son, like it's my fault!? He fucked up our family!"  
"You're not wrong Stiles." John said honestly, because like he said, Derek did fuck up their family. And John was absolutely going to call the bastard up as well. "And it's not your fault at all that he cheated. I am not saying that, do you understand me? No one is blaming you. But you two had problems way before he started cheating didn't you?" Stiles didn't dignify that with a response, "And you have to prioritise yourself before thinking about what Derek is doing. You have to understand your feelings away from everyone else trying to tell you what to do, away from what you think is right so you can clearly decide what is the best for you and your children. You've always been to selfless for your own good while being defensive all at the same time. It's only gotten worse since Lily was born and Derek and you started arguing- just please consider some small one on one sessions. I'm going to give you the number to the clinic that helped me-"  
"I said FUCK OFF DAD!" He yelled out again, crying now. "I don't want a fucking therapist. And clearly it doesn't work because your problem was not listening to Mom and you're not listening to me now! God, how did she NOT run off on you!?"  
And shit.  
Shit.  
Shit.  
Shit.  
Stiles regretted those words the second they came out his mouth. Fat heavy tears rolled down his face as he shook his head as if John could see him. "Dad, I am so sorr-"  
"No Stiles..." John sighed out. "I understand. I get that you're mad and scared and lonely right now. Really I do..." He swallowed as he listened to his son crying over the phone, clearly trying not to full out sob. "Just...think about what I said alright? Goodnight...I love you..." Stiles breath hitched as John hung up without waiting for Stiles to say it back like he didn't expect him too. Stiles dropped his phone of the stone floor of the balcony and fell to his knees, hand over his mouth in a pathetic attempt to contain his loud cries and he wept. God how much of a fuck was he? Lashing out at his dad, hitting him somewhere personal and raw that he JUST shared with Stiles? He couldn't blame Derek for that for sure. Stiles tried to call his dad back; he needed to say how sorry he was for messing up! How he didn't mean it! Tapping on his phone and trying to see through the tears when he accidentally clicked on the unread message Derek had sent. Simple words flashing on the screen in a bubble under the message Stiles had sent him after Zayd's game.

Derek: I'm sorry for messing up. I didn't mean it. I'll ask and listen to you next time.

And Stiles wept more into the night at those words.

Derek was scrolling through his phone at some old pictures once again and again feeling terrible that there were no pictures of Lily on his phone. And again, he knew it was all his fault before sighing softly and putting his phone away. Last he checked, Stiles hadn't read his message. Derek had worked on becoming less obsessive in checking his texts and call logs, if Stiles reaches out then he reaches out, Derek wouldn't force him.  
He felt like he was in a loop right now. Waiting around for the right time to reach out to his family but then too scared for Stiles' reaction. Derek groaned to himself at the thought, it sounded like he was blaming Stiles again when really Derek was just a big a coward as when this all started. There was more he could do, he knows, but he was so terrified that he would be crossing boundaries like tonight, boundaries he didn't even know were there and would result in him fucking up.  
But he wasn't going to just sit around and feel sorry for himself like a fucking idiot. He knew it would be hard and would keep trying no matter what the limits.  
Boyd walked out to the front porch then, sitting on the swing besides his friend.  
"Same thoughts as usual then?" Boyd smirked a little.  
"I'm just trying to remind himself not to be a bitter bastard." Derek laughed a little, leaning back on the swing and sighing heavily. "I don't have a right to be mad or angry."  
"Maybe that's not the healthiest thing." Boyd shrugged. "Keeping your feeling to yourself was and is part of the problem remember?"  
"Yeah but-"  
"But nothing. You're allowed to feel how you want Derek. As long you understand that Stiles and your kids might also be feeling the same." The man said, and Derek always thought Boyd would make a new lawyer, but his friend had found his passion with carpentry and he was damn well amazing at it. He nodded at the dark skinned mans words and turned his attention back to the night sky. It was pretty warm for it only being February but Derek wouldn't complain. He was learning to count his blessings lately, especially with how uncertain things were right now.  
The two friends stayed in a comfortable silence for about 10 minutes, just watching and enjoying the peaceful neighbourhood.  
"Hey so, I wanted to ask you something." Boyd started. "Why did you wanna become a lawyer again?" Derek chuckled a little and shrugged, probably one of the easiest questions he's had in awhile.  
"I wanted money." He answered blatantly, Boyd starring at him shocked.  
"Seriously? That simple?"  
"Yep." Derek wasn't one of those kids with a hobby or big 'I wanna be this when I'm older' dreams. Never the creative type, never one to just do stupid things while you're young. He did well in school, he was clearly smart, articulate and listened to what teachers and his parents said, because the road was clear- get good grades, get good job and get money and be happy. And Derek didn't see anything wrong with that when he was young, he didn't have a passion for anything else and his parents encouraged the whole spiel of Doctors and Lawyers being the sign that you were successful. So he did as he was told and just kept his head down and studied. Derek graduated top of his class, got into his first choice university, studied law and by 21 was a practising solicitor in a law firm. Earning low but he knew that how it went. It made sense because that's how life works right? Everything was...fine. Being a lawyer had it's challenges, it kept him entertained, king of like a crossword puzzle that he could finish in one sitting after a few minutes. But truth be told, he envied the passion other people had in what they did. Derek wanted to have that gleam in his eyes that Boyd for example had when he worked, like he never wanted to stop, that he couldn't wait to see what he could create. Derek wanted the happy giggle Stiles made whenever he got a new recipe right and Derek told him he loved it.  
Because law, with all it's compliciations and debate was pretty easy for Derek. So easy it was boring. Same old legislation, same old procedure, same old Latin principles (Jesus he hated Ratio Decidendi and Obitir Dictar or whatever hell). His job was more an ends to a mean, which was get rich and provide for his family should he ever have one. Obviously with a girl because who knows what his parents would say if they knew he was gay (Uncle Peter certainly hasn't shown his face for awhile after he came out to the family).But Derek until age 21, never felt Passion.

He felt it when he first saw Stiles though. Derek was in the Beacon Hills Police Department and stood in the office of Sheriff John Stilinski, needing some information and to check over evidence for his client when in stumbled 16 year old Stiles Stilinski with a buzzcut and cut nose that honestly- what the fuck was Derek's type? Stiles had started talking nonsense and disturbing the case files the Sheriff had left out for him and the two had started off in an argument about god knows what and Derek had stormed out the office with Stiles' phone number scribbled a piece of paper in his pocket. He contemplated for a long time whether he should call the teenager or not and instead when about like a true grown man and lawyer and contacted Stiles' dad first. After making promises to wait until Stiles' was of age, he was given the blessing of John Stilinski to date his son (under certain boundaries of course).  
And for the first time ever in his life, Derek felt like he truly felt passion. He felt it when Stiles would challenge Derek on made up murder scenarios the boy conjured up in his head, he felt it when he fought with his parents about his relationship with Stiles- both because of his age and that Stiles was a man (which ended in him being practically disowned and being told he was no longer in his mothers and fathers will), but Stiles was there the whole time ready to jump in and ban them from their will right back ('That's not how it works Stiles.' 'It's the principle of it Derek!'). Derek especially felt the passion when on Stiles' 18th birthday, they finally had sex and Stiles told him I love you for the first time while they're nosed touch and their sweaty foreheads rested against the other.  
Fuck, Stiles had impacted his boring life so much Derek had no real idea how much until now. He told Boyd as much who just laughed and agreed whole heartedly.  
"Yeah...You had a huge stick up your ass." Boyd said, Stiles truly did lighten his friend up. "I wasn't allowed to have Erica over when you had your late night study sessions."  
"Hey, now she wants to kick me out your house. So there's your karma." He laughed, shaking his head. Suddenly, his phone went off and Derek almost felt his heart drop seeing John's name flash across his screen. Giving Boyd a side glance who took the hint and went back inside, he answered the phone hesitantly.  
"Hello? John?"

"Derek. I need a few words with you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used to do sociology and there was a theory known as Strain Theory by Merton and long story short there's certain groups that people fall in when it comes to how you gain success in life if you even care and what goals a person should have.  
> One of the groups was called Ritualism and its basically they just go through the motions of life and what society expects of them; they get the grades, behave and do all the stuff you expect them to do to achieve the typical goals, but really the person doesn't care in the end whether they do or not. That's kind of what I was aiming for with Derek and his choice to be a lawyer just for a little context.
> 
> Thank you all for your support and it's been really interesting to read everyone's point of view. I do feel that it needs to be said that you all remain respectful and understand that everyone will have different expereincs.
> 
> Leave a comment, it's my motivation to write. Leave Kudos and thank you so much for all the support again!


	14. Actions Scream Louder Than You (+Authors Note/Warning)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John kicks Derek's ass verbally and throws him a bone towards doing something other than waiting around.
> 
> Very important Authors Note at the end.

John Stilinski wasn't always the best father he knows. He loved his son but wasn't the main caregiver, his wife the late Claudia Stilinski was. So when she died, John knew he would have to step up. And he tried, but he was still a grieving man left alone with a hyperactive child. Except that he wasn't. Stiles shut down after his mothers death, locked in his room. John isn't proud to admit that he didn't notice at first, concentrated on himself by turning to alcohol. But after a week of Melissa McCall coming over to feed the pair and John realising in a sober moment that he hadn't seen his son in that week, he acted like a man and got off his ass and stormed up the stairs. He banged on Stiles' door for 10 whole minutes until the young man opened it up, surprised as John pulled him into a hug, making promises to be better.  
And he tried. They both did, John went back to work slowly but finished as early as he could to pick Stiles up from Scott's so they could spend the evening together. Stiles focused on school and tried to find more hobbies beyond just video games. Which is how John supposed Stiles landed in cooking and baking. The old man remembers the shock when he walked into his kitchen to find it covered in flour and cracked eggs with Stiles covered in the mess to holding a tray of brownies. They looked disgusting and John was almost tempted to make up an excuse to not try them but seeing the hopeful look in son's eyes, he took a bite. It was fucking delicious. John thinks that's the moment his son started to cook more, clean around the house and even take care of his dad more than John was taking care of himself. He understands that as much as they got better after Claudia's death, Stiles did essentially raise himself in away, John more along for the ride and helping him up if he ever crashed.  
When Stiles turned 16, John honestly didn't mind that he was becoming more adventurous and staying out late- the kid deserved it. He wasn't drinking or doing drugs as far as John knew and he wasn't having much luck in the ladies or men's department so he didn't have to worry about sex or pregnancies (given his son was found to be part of the male population who could give birth). So John didn't think he had much to worry about.  
That was until he met Derek Hale. He remembers coming back to his office to find Derek storming out of his and his son with the biggest shit eating grin the old man has ever seen. At first he thought it was nothing but teen infatuation, shrugging it off because really, what could come this? So John did nothing. But maybe he should have. Because a few months after that encounter, after months of hearing Stiles go on about his crush that John was positive would go nowhere so just smiled and nodded along- Derek '21 years old' Hale walked into his office and asked for an audience (the mans actual words) with John. What this resulted in was an hour long conversation with the young man about how APPARENTLY Derek and his son have been 'speaking' (some young people term for flirting with the intention for more or something) and that Derek didn't want to make it official until they told John, which Stiles was very hesitant to do hence why Derek was here. The dark haired man was almost pleading for his blessings as he begged John to believe that he was falling in love with his son even though it's only been a few months. How he would take care of Stiles while saying with a red face that he wouldn't have sex with his son until he was of age and Stiles' wanted to- which according to Scott he found out later was very very much. Ew.  
Maybe John should have threatened him more, asked for more than a promise of weekly dinners to get to know the man. But Derek seemed respectable enough, his son was clearly happy; if there was anything John wanted in this world is for Stiles to be happy. So he allowed the relationship.  
He didn't expect it to last 1 year, let alone 2- at which point Stiles at age 18 had graduated high school (he couldn't have been prouder) and then promptly got married to Derek. Which John was speechless about. Because no indication did he see Stiles as one to just up and get married. His son reassured him it was actual true love, that he was still going to university to get a degree, that his life would still keep going.  
They had a big argument over that, especially when Stiles said he would move in with Derek. John said absolutely horrible things to Stiles and he wouldn't be surprised if Stiles left home hating him, or thinking John hated his son. The was silent treatment from both of them until once again, Derek was the one to reach out, explaining that Stiles was miserable and didn't want to fight but was too stubborn- that he hoped John would make the first move. If it wasn't for Derek, John maybe wouldn't have spoken to Stiles for a good few months, they wouldn't have made up, maybe even had a rift in their relationship. He owed Derek that much.

But that didn't mean John wasn't absolutely fucking livid at the man as they spoke now.  
"You fucking idiot!" John yelled, Derek swore he saw some raccoons run off scared in the bushes at the sheer volume. He wouldn't be surprised if Erica came out to tell him to take John off speaker. He wasn't on speaker to begin with. "My son is heartbroken while you- Where the fuck are you again!?"  
"At Boyd and Erica's..."  
"Hiding away, exactly! While my son has the whole world on his fucking shoulders, taking care of your children! Isn't running off to hide what got you in trouble in the first place? Oh wait no, it was getting between some whore's legs! How about BOTH those things!?" Derek swallowed hard, he felt so small listening to the angry man. Derek had disappointed him after all, broke every promise he ever made about keeping Stiles safe, about keeping the son - who fought his own Dad over him - happy.  
"Stiles wanted me out the house! I left because he wanted me gone so I listened to him-"  
"OH! So now it's my Son's fault you're a coward!?"  
"No! I just mean..." Derek felt it best to just shut the fuck up now. John took a few deep breaths. He wished he could continue drinking but past experience shows him it's better to face the difficult things sober. And head on. Which Derek has been failing to do. John never wanted his son in this situation, but here they were and if he wanted Stiles happy, he needed to sort out this moron. Plus John was pretty pissed himself so yelling at Derek was more than just a fatherly obligation.  
"Derek fucking Hale, what kind of man are you? Your newborn daughter is sick and you just run? You leave your husband and children to cry while you go play with some slut?" John didn't know the whole story, he doesn't think he ever will because really he doesn't care in this moment. Point was, his son was in pain and Derek wasn't there. His son in pain now and Derek STILL isn't there. "So tell me. This is your one chance to tell me all your little excuses here and now. Go on." He waited then; for anger, or hurt, for Derek to get defensive. What he got instead was a dejected sigh and...crying.  
"I don't have an excuse..." The man sighed out. "I don't. I could say I tried John, because I did. But when things weren't getting better, when Stiles kept drawing back I did the same. And then I fucked it all to hell by sleeping with my assistant. There's no excuse for that except that I'm...I'm ..."  
"Fucking spit it out."  
"I'm a waste of space okay!? I fucking know I am! I know that I fucked up but I don't know what you want from me John!" Derek sobbed into his hand. John couldn't care less. "Everyone wants to know 'why' but don't want to hear it! You're telling me to go to Stiles but he doesn't even answer my texts and you expect me to believe he's going to open the door to me!?"  
"Don't you DARE get a tone with me." John was using a strong mix of his Sheriff tone and father tone, because whether he wanted it to be true now or not, Derek was like another son to him. They had grown close over the years, which is why he was so mad and disappointed as well as the fact his actual son was suffering at the hands of this man. "You got some fucked up timing choosing when and when not to listen. If you knew Stiles was suffering, he shouldn't need to tell you to be by his side! His daughter almost died-"  
"I know I'm the one who held her when she stopped breathing!"  
"And he's the one left staring at her every night scared it'll happen! You think you have it worst now? You waiting for Lily to stop breathing in Stiles arms just so he can feel what you did? You vindictive little shit!" And that seemed to be Derek's breaking point.  
"Don't say that shit!" Derek choked on his own tears, weeping madly with his head against his knees as he hunched over himself. "I would NEVER want Stiles to witness her like that! I didn't know what to do watching my baby girl struggle against me trying to fucking breath, the simplest thing that should come naturally. I was so fucking helpless and Stiles should never see her like that! I never want Lily to go through that again so PLEASE don't talk about..." He couldn't continue. He just couldn't. All Derek could do was cry. The neighbours were probably watching through the window wondering what the hell was going on but he didn't care. John was quiet but Derek knew he was still on the line, listening to him cry. He doesn't know if the man was enjoying it or not. He wouldn't blame him if he was.

A few minutes passed. As soon as Derek was some how coherent again,John spoke up.  
"Why aren't you telling him this Derek? Why the hell are you choosing now to listen to Stiles when he is still in the same state you started pulling away from each other in?" Derek was talking all this rubbish about him being there and Stiles pulling away from him, so why didn't the man force him back? "You should have played fucking tug of war until he lost, not just let go of the rope!"  
"Then what do I do John huh? Fuck it! Please Tell me what do I do since I am fucking up every time I try something!" Despite how it was coming, Derek was genuinely asking because he did not know where to go from here- he had IDEAS but each one in his head ended up with Stiles even more mad at him and he didn't want that! John took a deep breath.  
"I did something you should have suggested a LONG long time ago. I told Stiles' he needed to check into therapy." John said, catching Derek's attention. Because what? It had crossed his mind now and then but he didn't know how to approach it with Stiles back when he was trying to get through to his husband. But who knows now since he stopped trying and fucked everything up how things would have ended if he did suggest therapy. "He's clearly not able to deal with his emotions right now..." His tone made Derek wonder what exactly happened in the conversation with Stiles exactly, "But I am not leaving my son like that. Since you obviously aren't going to help him, I asked that he see a therapist to help him. With what happened with Lily, the shit you caused and other things my son doesn't want to tell me...This should have happened a long time ago Derek. You fucked up just leaving him and yourself to suffer like that. Especially him. You had an escape, you had work. But my son dedicated his life to looking after your children, he didn't have the choice to just hide away." John suddenly hung up then, before Derek could even ask anything further. He was still lost. What did John expect him to do exactly?  
His phone suddenly lit up with a text from John and link

John: Beacon Hill Healthy Mind Centre, 07*********** and ask for Doctor Naeem.

Underneath was the link to the clinic and Derek froze. Was this his chance? Did John want him to forward this to Stiles and- no. No more hiding behind a phone screen and no more leaving Stiles to cry alone and scared. He headed inside to talk to Boyd.

Stiles was asleep, well he was trying to sleep when he heard loud banging on the door. Zayd walked in then.  
"Papa-"  
"I know I can hear it." Stiles got out the bed, looking to his son as he dragged a hand down his face. "Maybe Scott forgot his hotel room key here or something. Just stay up here and keep an eye on your sisters okay?" He said, kissing Zayd's head and walking downstairs. The knocking only got louder. Stiles scowled, annoyed but figured it had to be important. He opened the door, almost catching his breath when he saw Derek. Stiles' couldn't speak because what was he to say? So Derek started instead, through his panting breath and his car wasn't behind him - Did he fucking run here!?

"Stiles. We need to talk."

-End of Chapter and Beginning of Authors Note-

If any of your have read the comments the past few chapters as I have, things have been getting heated. And I get it, hell I love it seeing people's different opinions and hopes for this story. But I want to be PERFECTLY clear about what I am annoyed about and explain a few things about the story. And the people that think being rude and blunt some how amounts to respect just because they're being honest, then I too will come across rude as them because that is what they are: rude. But before I begin I want to say this chapter wasn't short for this note, I had this length planned just because it feels right to this chapter here. I've never let comments stray how my story is going to go and I'm not going to start now. I also want to say (and I may sound like a teacher here) this isn't directed at everyone. I love when people share their personal experiences with cheating, I love seeing people defend characters or question them and others opinions to gain understanding but not in the way I am going to go through here. 

First off, this is a work of FICTION people. FANFICTION about made up characters in a made up scenario. The topic is one that people may feel strongly about, granted. I accept that. And with that will come disagreements and arguments and I get that, I love and welcome it even.  
But it is STILL fiction. It is not YOUR life. Its is not someone YOU KNOW personally. This is a story where I've decided to write the characters with different layers and dimensions. It is not a story where Stiles character is JUST the victim or Derek is JUST the Cheater. And before someone writes "Omg she's saying Stiles isn't a victim" That's not whats happening either as some people seem to believe. No one is saying it's Stiles fault either in the comments as other seem to think they are.

Stiles is a victim in cheating. Never did he force Derek to cheat, not even drive him to it. Stiles however isn't blameless in marriage issues away from the cheating and nowhere have I written it to be like that- how people have chosen to see it as or perceive it as is another thing and I accept that. But heres the thing I have said MULTIPLE of times- THIS STORY ISN'T FINISHED. If at some points the situation or event happening seems to be in favour of Derek or Stiles then that is the story and what is happening AT THAT POINT. It doesnt stop at Stiles accepting responsibility for his actions and Derek accepting he fucked up himself, THE STORY IS STILL GOING. These characters are not going to have one setting or one way of feeling about something as things progress. This story goes beyond just cheating because as much as this started with the main thing being Derek cheating, that was just a catalyst for other events. CHEATING IS NOT THE MAIN STORY, JUST PART OF IT. Derek getting payback or Stiles finding happiness isn't going to happen over night .  
Which brings me to my next point PATIENCE. Again, this story has many layers and and many things I want to explore before any big thing happens, i.e there was a 6 chapter build up to the actual confrontation of cheating, and people are commenting like Derek is never to truly own up to anything, like I'm just going to leave Stiles as the one who has to take responsibility (probably where people think I'm writing Stiles as not the victim and putting him at fault) when again THE STORY IS NOT FINISHED. And usually I wouldn't care because I know I'm going to write more and that what people believe aren't true and they'll be pleasantly (hopefully) surprised later. But the reason I care now and why this note is here in the first place leads me to my final point.

Rude ass comments. One recently that really got me mad that was mocking other people, being sarcastic and just plain rude and immature. Again I know this fic is causing a lot of feeling for all of you. But this is again, A FANFIC on the internet that you click out of when you're done reading. There are people who have shared their personal experiences with cheating and who I think have every right to be heated (not that no one else does) but have STILL managed to conduct themselves in a manor that was respectful and open minded. not just "I just dont get how you people can't see this!" and shutting off to everything else. And I feel like I have to repeat myself when I say I LOVE reading people's comments and seeing their opinions no matter how heated. But I draw the fucking line at people making assumptions about other peoples lives, passing judgement on someone you don't know and ESPECIALLY on the internet over a fucking fanfiction. And instantly I can here everyone go 'It's just an opinion. They're just being honest' well here is my honesty.  
You can be honest without attacking people. You can be honest without having to interrogate and drag someone down because of their views and what they think should happen only for you to then say your views and act like that is the be all and end all and everyone else just 'doesn't see that Stiles is the true victim! How dare you all route for Derek!"

I know this comments in general are very divided between team derek or team stiles, that some people at this point have already made up their mind on how they hope the story ends and how much certain characters should suffer. This story is not a character bashing story or a black and white 'this person is at fault' story (AT LEAST IN REGARDS TO ISSUES OUTSIDE OF CHEATING). If thats what you want, then kindly stop reading. And I am serious because I don't know where this story is going but I'm telling you right now, each chapter is not going to be constantly shitting on one character over the other or constantly building one up over the other. Also, if this fic is genuinely affecting your mental health then please for yourself, don't read this fic especially the next few chapters if you think it will hurt too much and I mean that in the kindest way possible.

Finally, I do hope everyone believes me when I say KEEP commenting, keep sharing your views and keep debating. But this is the last time I tolerate people attacking and judging each other and if I do see a comment like that, or a thread that starts off good but ends up with people being rude to each other, then I WILL delete comments and I will begin monitoring them which I really don't want to do but I will if people really can't be civil. I will leave comments up to this point as they are, but will be making sure now that people conduct themselves properly specially if they have something passionate they want to say.

Again, this is not directed at everyone.

Thank you for all the support so far and I truly mean that despite my authors note addressing some issues I accept people don't mean to create. Please have patience, please be kind to each other and act grown as I hope most of you are and remember that you do not know the people you are about to throw insults and assumptions at. Don't be immature and childish over the internet of all places. And I know we all do it, but that isn't an excuse to just go 'well it's just my opinion'.

As I said, continue reading, continue commenting - it is still my motivation to write despite the reactions and interactions recently - and please just be kind to each other and remember that this story is just that. A story.

Thank for taking the time to read this and I do apologise if this is aggressive in some sort of way but I felt that as the author, it needed to be addressed especially since it's not just a once off incident and other readers are being attacked and made to feel their feeling or thoughts on what should happen are invalid. I know people are going to want to comment on the note as well which I totally get but please also acknowledge this chapter itself and keep giving your feedback on that front as well. I just put the note with the chapter because people wanted a chapter not a lecture, but this was important to see too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be kind, Be respectful and be open minded. This is not your story. Its fake characters. Thank you, and I mean that.


	15. Take This Step With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles and Derek have a heated discussion about therapy. Zayd gets involved to say his piece.
> 
> Stiles and Theo come to an arrangement of their own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting back to normal. Hope y'all are too.

"What the actual fuck are you doing here?" Stiles wanted so badly to slam the door closed on Derek's face, if Scott was here, he might even call the cops on Derek, but Scott wasn't here and Stiles...he just wanted to allow himself this one time to look straight at Derek after almost a month and a half apart from each other. Still, that doesn't mean that Stiles was just going to allow Derek inside.  
Said man wasn't doing much better. He almost forgot to answer Stiles, to caught up in seeing his husband since he left and just wanted to admire the beauty in front of him. Getting a grip on himself, Derek reminded himself what he was here for.  
"Your dad called me." He saw Stiles scowl at that and hurried to continue. "I will tell you every detail about what we talked about if you want. But Stiles, I'm just here because your dad is right. You need to go to therapy-"  
"Why is it just me!? I'm not the one who fucked this all up!" Stiles yelled and honestly he should probably apologise to his neighbours tomorrow, certain they heard him yell to the skies twice by now. Derek bit his lips, knowing he had to choose his words carefully.  
"I'm not saying it's your fault. But ever since Lily was born, you haven't been yourself Stiles." He placed his hand against the door firmly in case Stiles closed it. "And like an idiot, a fucking idiot, I didn't help. Not in the way I should have, being a shoulder to cry on wasn't enough and instead of actually getting you help, I left. And I can stand here and say how fucking sorry I am because I am. But I need you to seek help for your depression, for whatever is going on inside your head or-"  
"Goddammit I do not need to hear I'm depressed from you!"  
"Let me finish!" Derek cried back, he didn't want to yell at Stiles but John was right, if he wanted Stiles happy, if he wanted him to heal before he even thought about getting his family back then Derek had to fight for it. "Don't here it from me then, listen to your Dad, to our friends. Just go to Beacon Hills and please just give it a chance for yourself! Fuck what I need Stiles- you need this for yourself and our kids." Derek leaned against the doorway, both to stop himself from reaching out to Stiles and to stop from falling his knees and just clutching onto his waist begging. Though the latter he would do if needed.

Stiles meanwhile was feeling a multitude of emotions. He knows this isn't the first time someone has tried to get him 'help'. Lydia tried to talk to him about it when Derek first returned to work, Scott offered to find one to help them both, especially when their friends saw Derek actively avoid holding Lily for awhile. Each time Stile shut it down because he wasn't weak! He didn't need some random stranger to tell him he was suffering, he knows he was! But spending time away from his kids just get himself better sounded so...so selfish! The idea of staying in an enclosed space just to pay this stranger to judge him as well wasn't that appealing either. And to have it be Derek of all people to suddenly bring this up-  
"Why is it me?" He repeated, but less yelling and more gritted teeth. "Why does everyone think I'm so unfit and useless?"  
"This isn't an attack on you Stiles. I know can't believe that coming from my lying mouth, but you deserve to be happy. All your dad is asking for is that you give this a chance! If you want me to come with you..."  
"I don't want you there." Stiles said quickly, looking down at his feet. "If I go that is..." Derek took a step back, not wanting to physically crowd or pressure Stiles.  
"I won't go then." Maybe that was something he should look into though, but right now he needed Stiles to get the help he needed. Silence fell between the two, Derek watching Stiles every move, every breath he took, every movement of his eyes as they darted to different points on the ground as if not knowing where to look, just knowing he didn't want to look at the man before him- not like before where Stiles didn't want to look away. He was over his trance now.  
Letting out a harsh laugh, almost choking at the lump in his throat, Stiles raised his head staring just past Derek's head.  
"This is so stupid...I can't just up and leave to fly to Beacon Hills. I have the kids, they still have school. I have a job now that I've only been at a month."  
"You got a job?" At the shorter man's glare, Derek held his hands up. "Sorry sorry..."  
"Point is..." Stiles continued stiffly. "I can't just up and leave like that!"

"Yes you can!" Both men turned towards the sudden voice, shocked to find their eldest son, Zayd, stood at the top of the stairs. Zayd had clearly been listening the whole time and seeing his cover clearly broken, he descended down the steps and joined his parents at the open front door. Because he deserved a say too! He had a few thoughts he wanted to share! Turning to Stiles with a steely look in his eyes, the young boy spoke firmly. "Papa, you need to at least check this out. All you've been doing is trying to keep everyone else together but no one is doing it for you!" He said, glaring over at Derek. "God knows he's been useless in that department." And Derek...wasn't going to argue with that. Stiles sighed shaking his head.  
"Zayd...I can't just leave you and your sisters here by yourselves! And it wouldn't be fair to Scott if to ask him to take care of you all while I go back to where his own family is. Not after everything he's done for us."  
"Take him with you then!" Zayd said as if it was so simple. Stiles' jaw dropped.  
"Who the hell is going to-" He followed his sons gaze suddenly starring at Derek, who was equally stunned at the suggestion. What? "No. Zayd you don't have to do that just to get me to leave!"  
"Netta wants to spend more time with him. Who said I'm even going to talk to him?" Zayd shrugged, his turn to now find interest in the ground. "Besides, he's staying with Boyd and Erica. I'll busy myself with them." Derek was slightly hurt at that, especially since they had a decent talk after his game. But this wasn't the time, but maybe this opportunity would allow him closer to Zayd.  
"I can take care of Lily." Derek insisted. "Please Stiles, just give me the chance. Erica and Boyd will be home the whole time if you really don't want Lily alone with me. But just get yourself some help, 2 week at Beacon Hills with your dad and Scott that's all I ask. You have my number and Erica's number if you're ever worried." Derek would keep going but Stiles hadn't responded to Derek or Zayd in awhile. The brunette rubbed the sides of his temples before sighing heavily. A few pregnant moments later, Stiles nodded.  
"Alright fine... I will think about it." And that's all Derek needed to hear. "Send me the details and I'll have a look..." Stiles sighed out, maybe it was the fact he was tired or that Zayd was pleading for him to do this now but either way he agreed to at least look into this. His husband nodded and walked off which surprised Stiles honestly. He expected some sort of...Well he didn't know. Some form of begging like the night it all started to come back in the house. But it didn't happen. Zayd gave his Papa a hopeful look.  
"I just want you to get better Pa."  
"I know son..." Stiles closed the door, watching Derek walk off down the street before shutting the door and heading back up the stairs with Zayd.  
And this time, he actually went to sleep.

Stiles walked into the daycare Monday morning to get to work and with a plan in his head to talk to Kira later about his possible leave next week. Would she even let him? He was still a rookie and Theo has tried to get days off before schedule holidays before and the women almost killed him.  
Plus he hadn't decided whether or not to take up the therapy offer, just liked the idea of heading home and seeing his dad for awhile. Whether he checked out the clinic while he was there is another different matter. The place seemed legitimate enough, Stiles checked the website out over the weekend and spoke to the doctor through emails. She seemed like a professional women, Dr Naeem confirming that she worked with his dad through the...incident..with his mother and even saw him briefly after his mother passed but she gave no details further than that- probably to show she would respect his privacy too should he come talk to her. Which he might not. Or he might. Who know? Stiles was just scared and not only about the therapy. Derek would be taking the kid's for two weeks...he knows Netta would be excited, he knows that Derek deserved a chance to bond with Lily again. But Zayd was so emotionally vulnerable right now, Stiles knows the boy misses his dad but is also as mad as he is at Derek. Stiles offered Zayd come with him, but the boy was insisted that Stiles needed sometime away from them all and focus on himself.  
And that was another issue- by HIMSELF. Stiles doesn't remember the last time it was just...him. His life revolved around Derek since he met the man, then it was there kids. Even now, Stiles chose this job because Kira allowed Lily to come with him. What would he even do at Beacon Hills by himself? Scott was coming long but from the way his eyes lit up when he told his friend about leaving for awhile, he knew the man was going straight to his family. No way was Stiles going to interrupt that. What if he got there and he was like a tourist in his own hometown? Just aimlessly walking around looking for something to do...  
"Hey. HEY! OLD MAN!" Stiles blinked over at Theo who was pointing his knife at the apple in Stiles hand. Or what was left of the apple that is. "We were meant to slice 'em not completely dice them into mush. It's for the toddlers not the babies." The 29 year old laughed, Stiles shaking his head.  
"I'm sorry. I just have a few things on my mind." He explained, getting another apple to start again.  
"Oh? Wanna share? I need to know what to look worry about when I get to your age."  
"Another crack at my age again and you'll end up like this apple." Stiles glared slicing into it but Theo just grinned more.  
"You'll eat me?" The man swore he heard a purr in his voice, but Stiles just ignored it, trying not to blush as he continued working and changed the subject completely.  
"I'm just planning to talk to Kira about heading home. Beacon Hills."  
"Hey near California. Very woodsy I hear." Theo said, finishing up the fruit salad cups with some grapes. "Any reason?"  
"Oh just to see my dad..." Stiles shrugged as he spoke vaguely, "It's just I'm going to be on my own. My friend is coming but he has his own family to see and I don't want to be clinging to my dad the whole time I'm there. So it's going to be weird just going by myself ya know?" He said, deciding to focus on that part of his story. "Plus, I really don't know how to tell Kira...kinda anxious really." Theo seemed to be in deep thought as well before he grinned. Stiles didn't trust that look, it reminded him of the look Zayd had when Stiles was about to shake some sugar into his pancake mix only for it to be salt. But Theo didn't make a move to say anything for now so Stiles let it go and grabbed the tray to go feed the children their fruit cups.

It came to the end of the day, Stiles wrapping Lily up in her cute little fur coat as she babbled happily, making all sorts of faces. His baby was just so cute! Unfortunately, his gushing was cut short by Kira coming over.  
"Good job today Stiles!" She said cheerfully and Stiles was reminded of his little request.  
"Actually Kira I need to discuss something with you before I go-"  
"Oh if it's about your trip next week don't worry! Theo explained and it's all cleared." Kira said, smiling brightly as ever at a confused Stiles. What? Theo explained? Speak of the devil, he came over then with a big grin on his face, swinging an arm around Stiles.  
"Yep. I explained to Kira how your dad just needs some help and we all know family comes first right Kira?" He said ever so sweetly and Kira rolled her eyes at him.  
"Shut up." She dismissed, ignoring his fake offended look and turned to Stiles. "And Stiles, you really didn't have to go through Theo. You could have just asked me. I like you much more than him." She said, flipping her hair at Theo who stuck his tongue out at her retreating form and was about to make fun her with Stiles except...he was gone.

Outside, Stiles was trying to fish his keys out his pocket quickly but he just wasn't quick enough.  
"And where do you think you're going without saying thank you?" Theo's smug voice came and Stiles groaned as Lily attempted to copy her fathers expression, finding it funny. He turned around to the smirking younger man with a glare.  
"What right did you have asking Kira on my behalf? I said I would do it!" He said angrily, sick of yet another person trying to control him. Theo seemed un-amused and didn't even bat an eye at Stiles' reaction.  
"You also said you felt anxious. And me-" He gestured to himself with an extravagant twist of his wrist and Stiles hopes the smug shit twists it. "Being the wonderful person I am decided to help lessen the stress by asking for you. I didn't tell her anything else except you were going for your dad. That's it." He said, clealrly proud of himself. Stiles wanted to be angrier, felt like he should be but honestly? It was kind of a weight of his shoulders...even a small one given everything else that's happened in the past 24 hours. Theo was watching him expectantly.  
"This is where you say 'Thank you Theo. I am forever in your debt.' Go on. I believe in you." The man laughed as Stiles rolled his eyes but complied.  
"Thank you for your help Theo. I owe you one." He said, Theo once again faking looking hurt to be dramatic.  
"Close enough I suppose. " He said, handling Lily while Stiles continued trying to find his keys in his bag. "So how about you pay me back by...taking me to Beacon Hills with you?"  
Stiles dropped the keys he just found.  
"Excuse me? What?"  
"You heard me. Come on! I haven't had a break since Christmas and as much as I love the kids, Kira will kill me or I'll kill her. Either way, blood and kids playdoh do not mix!" The sneaky shit help Lily's giggling face against his, cheeks mushed together trying to be cute. "Pleaaasssseeee?"  
Stiles hated his life. Genuinely, maybe that's the first thing he'll go to therapy about- Theo fucking Raeken using his own daughter against him.  
"Jesus Christ FINE! But you are booking your ass into a Hotel, my dad is not housing you." He didn't know if the younger man could here him through his cheered, twirling around with Lily in his arms and Stiles pinching the bridge of his nose in annoyance.

What the bloody hell did he just agree to?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter got a little too deep with me addressing the comments. I sincerely hope I didn't discourage anyone from voicing their opinions just because I called for some respect. Hopefully now things can continue as they did a few chapters before.
> 
> Thank you for the responses and reactions by the way.  
> Keep commenting- my motivation as per usual- share your thoughts and hope you won't be disappointed with the coming chapters. Thank you all!


	16. Don't Screw This Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek has yet another mini meltdown. Boyd tries to convince Derek that he's doing better than he thinks.
> 
> Stiles attempts to mentally prepare himself for leaving his kids after nearly 15 years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't proud of the last chapter. It felt rushed and unfinished. Way too much talking than I prefer. Hopefully this makes up for how shit it was written. Although not much happens in this chapter, more inner worries and set up.

Sunday morning, Derek had left Erica and Boyd's house to get supplies for the kids stay. They would be coming over later this afternoon and Derek was determined for the next to weeks to AT LEAST go smoothly, better if they went amazing but he didn't want to be too hopeful or jinx it. First the toy store, he had a whole year of birthday presents and other celebratory gifts to make up for. He'd checked with Lily's doctors to make sure about any check ups or appointmens she may have over the coming days. Zayd's birthday would be soon as well, the day before Stiles is meant to come back, so wouldn't it be great to have Stiles come back to his son being happier than ever? Derek knows he wants that for multitude of reasons. The main one currently being that Stiles was finally taking some time for himself, he damn well deserved it that for sure. So Derek didn't want anything to go wrong and give Stiles more stress than he's had and Derek has given him. This time was for his husband to focus on himself and heal.  
Which terrified Derek. It wasn't that he didn't want Stiles to get better! But throughout this whole thing, Derek has always worried that their destination at the end of this was going to be a divorce. What if Stiles gained his healing and was able to think clearly and so that was what he would decide? No ifs ands or buts. They haven't talked that much the past months - not about what happened, where they were headed, what they both wanted, nothing! Hell, the week Stiles gets back will officially mark 2 whole months of separation. So what if when Stiles gets back, he decides fuck talking and just jumps for the divorce? He doesn't need Derek, the kid don't need Derek so what the hell is he waiting for. Derek will just...have to deal with it. His main purpose right now is to make his family happy again and if the happiness Stiles finds doesn't include him anymore than so be it. He's talked to Boyd about this before though and the man simply told him to cross the bridge when he gets to it. Which Derek could understand, the whole not giving up to early thing. But after he fucked up so badly...the older man feels like he needs to at least get used to the idea that maybe he won't be moving back to his family after this ends, whenever that is.

Maybe Derek wasn't in the right mood to be deciding between the Barbie Dream Dollhouse play set vs the Bratz Camping play set that he's been starring at for about 10 minutes now. Boyd rounded the corner to join his friend in the kids toys aisle, his own hands filled with rattle toys for Lily that he expected Derek to pick from. But Derek looked deep in thought as he starred at the toys.  
"Derek?" Boyd called hesitantly. It was early morning in the supermarket they were in which meant not many people were around so he wasn't to worried about a potential public melt down. And when Derek turned to meet his eyes, Boyd felt it was more certain than anything.  
"Am I doing the right thing? For the right reasons I mean..." Derek shrugged, sighing heavily and Boyd didn't interrupt him. "My husband as been at home by himself, trying to get his life together. The one I ruined. He's been left with the kids and he clearly doesn't want me there but the one time I do push my way in and force him to talk, he finally takes a step to getting help..." Boyd nodded as he listened because it was a very difficult thing to navigate in all honesty. Erica and most of their friends want Derek to drop dead (Scott definitely), Stiles wants him to stay away but then the Sheriff calls and tell Derek to fight back and hold on tight, the exact opposite of what Stiles asked for yet Erica and Lydia always talk about how lonely Stiles seems. It was all very confusing because Derek didn't know which route would just make his husband happy. "It's just...Am I doing the things I want for them or me? Am I doing it right? Making things worst? I just don't know..." Derek smacked his head against the Barbie box in frustration. "Can't even choose a stupid toy without thinking that if I get the wrong one my kids will hate me."  
Boyd didn't really no what to say. How to spin it or make it better. Derek kept having these little breakdown constantly and Boyd was waiting for a big one, similar to his first night. He knows the man was trying to stay strong and be productive instead of pouting and whining 24/7 over mistakes that were his alone, but Boyd was worried his friend was going to break any moment. Until then, all he could do was tell the truth.  
"Well...not being a pussy is a could start." He said blatantly and Derek almost choked.  
"What?" He huffed out an incredulous laugh.  
"Well, you basically put the ball in Stiles court. And I get that at the time you thought it was a good idea, ya know give him space and time and so on but in the end it made everything worse. He was already hurt and yeah he kicked you out but you sort of just...bailed yourself. Then you leave him with the kids and a possible financial crisis then you add the stress of HIM alone basically having to decide the fate of your family." Derek's face fell at those words, as if that's all the confirmation he needed to say 'yes you are a total fuck up and you haven't stopped fucking up'. Boyd wasn't done. "But...last week was probably the best thing you ever did to take a significant step forward. A kind of happy medium between fighting for your family and getting Stiles to hear out while still giving him choice. Because there is a difference Derek, between choice and understanding." He said and Derek...he could accept that.  
"So what...? Do more like that?"  
"More like continue not to be such a pussy."  
"You need to stop saying that." Derek gagged, Boyd laughing at him.  
"I just mean, you've started communicating again, don't let it die down. You've given him space this week which was the right move but this afternoon when he drops the kids off, don't just let him leave." Boyd knows Stiles is going to have some concerns but won't want to talk to Derek about it. Derek is going to have to put some effort in and grow some balls (Seriously, was Boyd pent up or something? Maybe he and Erica should get a night out themselves) and continue talking to Stiles instead of just radio silence- which he expects for the next 2 weeks. Boyd could see something else in Derek's eyes.  
"What if he comes back better than ever and its because he wasn't around me?"  
"Don't be so fucking dramatic." The man rolled his eyes, having already had this discussion. "It's one session that he's basically going to get the feel of. He's not going to come back a completely different person if he does start seeing the therapist the second he lands for 14 consecutive daily sessions. But he may come back with much clearly next steps-"  
"Which I'll need to talk to him about. No matter what his decision." Derek said, and it sounded a little to confident to him and turned to Boyd with a hesitant look which is friend just laughed at.  
"Now you're getting it." He said, patting the mans back. "Now hurry up and get the damn Bratz toy so you can decide which rattle for Lily."

"Lilac." Derek decided easily. "Lily loves Lilac."

The Past week Stiles fairly new routine went on as normal; take the kids to school, got to work with Lily, come home and spend his evening with the kids (with Derek picking Netta up on their agreed days), but throughout the week he was incredibly nervous about returning to Beacon Hills on Sunday- which was today actually! He had his bags packed and Scott was obviously excited and Theo was acting like a typical tourist mapping out his plans (which thankfully didn't involve Stiles so far). And Stiles? He just didn't want to jinx it. John had called over the week to check with him about plane landing times and things like that but he hadn't mentioned therapy at all since that night. No one had. Stiles appreciated that really, much like the beginning of this whole thing he didn't want people constantly and aggressively telling him what to do. But now everyone seem to have made their suggestion, Stiles said he would consider it and now they are all actually backing off and letting him..breathe. Ugh...poor choice of words, he thought as he looked over at Lily on the floor as she tried to reach her toes. The man hoped she wouldn't have anything happened to her while he was away.

He had mixed feeling about going so far, especially if he did see Dr Naeem. What if he decided to go ahead with it? Would he have to stay in Beacon Hills longer, away from his kids? Would they be alright while he was gone? At the same time however, he didn't know how this meeting (again should he choose to go) would end. Say he was a complete wreck after the session, he wouldn't want to come home to his kids and have them see him in such a state. Stiles also didn't want to burden his friends more than he had the past few weeks. Plus, what if he ran into people he knew? Stiles knows his neighbours already gossiped about his family when Derek and him first moved in, they were the only gay couple AND male breeder form of family. They've definitely been putting the together the pieces of the latest scenes in their house, what with Derek leaving and his car no longer here, not to mention the yelling matches they should really stop having outside- on the phone or otherwise. Stiles doesn't think he could handle adding more fuel to the fire if Mr and Mrs Mackenzie ever saw him enter the local clinic. So a good few thousand miles space was probably best for his own sanity and privacy.  
Then there was the whole thing of leaving the kids with Derek for 2 weeks. His estranged husband was clearly excited for the opportunity to get to know his kids; he's been quiet about mentioning therapy too and has just been blowing Stiles phone up with questioned about the kids like if Lily has developed allergies to anything, does Zayd have a certain time he likes to go out with his friends, does Netta have a new favourite hair style and so on. Some questions Stiles found amusing when asked about deeper details ('Does Netta think Zebras are white with black stripes or black with White strips? I don't wanna upset her') and some Stiles found just a little sad when he couldn't remember some basic facts about their kids but those seemed to at least be just a slip of the mind. At least Stiles hoped so. The small conversation about Lily going to day care now was an awkward conversation but Derek asked questions that Sties knows he had the right to ask so wasn't too bothered at the end of it. All he knows is that by tomorrow morning, it will be the first time Stiles has ever been away from their kids for more than a night since he's had them and Derek is going to be the once they depend on. And he doesn't have the best track record recently of being reliable.

"Papa! Are we there yet? Papa when are we gonna get there? Papa-!"  
"Netta, baby. You've been to Saffrons house plenty of times before. We're literally one minute away." Stiles laughed a little. Zayd wasn't exaggerating when he said Netta would be excited to spend time with her daddy. Lily seemed to be picking up on her sister's excitement just as well. Zayd was more reserved than his sisters, but even Stiles knows the boy has big hopes for this stay-cation. 'Please don't let them down Derek...' He silently pleaded.  
As promised, one minute later they arrived at the Reyes residence, Derek opening the door as soon as Stiles pulled up. The second the car had safely come to a stop, Netta practically ripped her seat belt off and pushed the door open, not bothering to close it behind her as she catapulted against her Daddy who fell back on his ass against the porch holding onto Netta tightly as he hugged her. Stiles almost felt jealous as Lily cried in her car seat, clearly wanting to join in the fun. Zayd clearly wasn't in a rush though as he turned to his father.  
"You want any help with the bags Pa? Or Lily?"  
"It's alright. Just take your bad in. I'll handle Lily." He told his son, getting out just as Derek was standing up a bouncing Netta hugging his leg and laughing as she hung on tight while her dad walked, swinging his right leg a little more for his little girl. Stiles got Lily out and her bag over his shoulder, planning to take her inside and hand everything to Erica but he stopped when he saw Derek reach the car. Netta promptly got off his leg and Stiles smiled at her.  
"Netta, why don't you take Lily's bag inside? Erica will show you which room to put it in." Derek offered. Just for the children's stay, Erica agreed to let Derek move into one of the guest rooms so he could sleep with Lily, not wanting her to in hale any sawdust or get hurt by any of Boyd's tools in the workroom. Netta nodded and grabbed the back from Stiles with a bright smile, wanting to make both her parents happy as she ran off.

Once she was inside, Stiles was busy looking at Lily, checking her over once more. He was too scared to hand her over and Derek wasn't going to rush him. His flight wasn't for a few hours after all. Derek didn't make a move to force him to hand her over but clearly he was anxious to hold Lily after so long. Lily wanted to go to her dad too, making whiny noises as he held her stuffed wolf close to her, the very same Derek had bought. Taking a deep breath, the brunette handed her over carefully, only letting go completely once Lily was against her dad safely. The little girl was more than happy with the exchange. Stiles took a few seconds to admire the smile lines on his husbands face too as he gazed lovingly at his baby girl finally in his arms after so long.  
"So um..." Stiles began carefully. "Call me if anything happens. Especially with Lily." Stiles said uncomfortably. "I'll see them all soon..." Stiles waved at his two children watching from the window and got into the car, about to roll the window up when Derek spoke.  
"Stiles," He called, bending down to look at his husband whose gaze was focused on the steering wheel. "Take care. I mean that. And if you need anything, you can call me as well. " Derek wanted to make it clear that he was there if Stiles really wanted. That Stiles didn't need to just call about the kids but himself if he really wanted. "If everything becomes to much, just call. I'll fly over with the kids." He said, and although Stiles didn't want it to get to that point, the offer in itself was much more comforting than it should have been.  
"Please...don't mess this up Derek." Stiles told the man, still focusing on the steering wheel. The man at his window didn't seem surprised or offended at the request as he expected.  
"I won't. I hope I'll prove that to you." Stiles glanced at Derek and nodded, seemingly enough for the man as he took a few steps back, helping Lily wave her little hand as her Papa drove off. Stiles was slightly less anxious than this morning.

Only time will tell if he was right to feel like that.

"YESSSSS! First Class!" Theo cheered, holding his ticket up. Stiles shook his head as Scott laughed.  
"I told you I booked economy tickets." Stiles glared as Theo pouted handing the two older men their ticket.  
"Hey, I thought I was being nice paying to have us all bunked to First Class! Show some appreciation!" Theo said, walking off ahead of them with his bag as Scott continued to laugh following behind with Stiles. He felt that Stiles and Theo had some great energy! The banter and the teasing, Theo also helped Stiles out a lot at the daycare as he soon found out! Now all Stiles needed to do was give him a chance. Said man was already turning his glare onto Scott.  
"Stop whatever thoughts are going through your head." He said, wanting to shut this situation down before it even happened because again he was still technically married and didn't want to complicate things further. "He's only travelling with us. Then he's taking a cab to the airport and booking himself a hotel room where the next 2 week he is going to be busy by himself."  
"You could keep him company..." Scott grinned with a suggestive look in his eyes.  
What that resulted in was Stiles pelting peanuts at Scott for the full duration of the flight. He had no regrets, even when he was scolded by the flight attendant who said he should act his age (which was honestly flattering since she thought he was in his late 20s).  
Soon they arrived in Beacon Hills and Stiles let out a sigh of relief when he saw his dad waiting for him.

The next 2 weeks would certainly be interesting it. Whether that meant good or bad had yet to be seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next few chapters are going to take a step back from Stiles and focus more on the kids (hopefully anyway. Nothing is certain).
> 
> Please comment and discuss as always. Love hearing what you all think and thank you for all the support .


	17. She's Doing Alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek is committed to reconnecting with his kids, he has routine calls planned for the kids with Stiles and he's on top of Lily's appointments. Everything should go to plan and run smoothly.
> 
> Should.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woop. I'm back. Small explanation at the end if you wanna know why. Nothing deep so no worries. Sorry for the wait guys.

"Okay so...Peanut butter first?" Derek was currently in the process of making lunch for Netta this Monday morning, but of course his little princess had things a certain way that she liked that he had no doubt Stiles had already perfected. Derek was not in that position.  
"No daddy! Jelly first, you have to put it on the break in a pattern and then the peanut butter in the other direction! But it has to be creamy!" Netta instructed, about stand on the kitchen island stool she was currently sat on as she watched her daddy carefully prepare her lunch. Erica was enjoying the look of surgical concentration on the older man's face as she drank her coffee at the table, Boyd keeping an eye on Saffron and Lily as they played in the other room. Zayd had already left for school, apparently a friend picked him up at 7am, the boy walking out the door with a vague excuse of needing to get into school early and study in the library with friends. Derek was almost 100% sure the library or school wasn't open until 8:30am.

Yesterday was about settling the kids down and organising space for everyone, Lily and Netta sharing the guest room with their daddy on the king sized bed. Derek offered to buy a and set up a sleeping back or something so he could sleep on the floor and Zayd could sleep with his sisters on the bed, but the boy refused telling Erica and Boyd that he would take the couch since he planned to be out with his friends and coming back late. That didn't sit well with Derek but he needed to pick his moments to interfere or involve himself with Zayd's life - he understood that needed to be earned after a year of being absent from his life. Boyd suspects that the young boy was purposely trying to indirectly hurt Derek by taking the couch given that he also refused Erica's offer for him to sleep on the sofa bed in her editing room (for nights when the blonde would be working late). Maybe he wanted to make things difficult for his father out spite, which Boyd thought was understandable.  
Derek was almost suffocating with the tension between him and is son, he was just as clueless about the best and right way to approach his son as he was about how to approach Stiles. He'd have to build up to approaching Zayd, especially with the boys's birthday soon. Derek didn't want to miss it or make Zayd feel like he couldn't spend it with his sisters and friends because of his father. But again, Derek would have to work hard before he started worrying about that.

"Okay...and done!" Derek sighed out in relief as Netta finally gave her approval at his construction of the sandwich. Netta grinned happily and watched her dad pack the rest, drink and yogurt etc. "Want daddy to do your hair?"  
"Yes!" The little brunette girl cheered, turning around and letting Derek take the hair ties tangled in her bed head out as gently as he could before brushing it out. As his little girl babbled about her plans for the day, Derek enjoyed the peace of this moment. The whole brushing Lily's hair and and spending time with her before he sent her off to school, it was sweet. It was also yet another reminder of something Derek was stupid enough to fuck up and now potentially lose forever. He saw it now in Zayd-  
Not now. He shouldn't be thinking about what ifs and when. Derek was going to be grateful that for now not all his kids hated him. That Netta missed him and he was going to make it up to her for being such a shit dad the past year, be there for Lily who's his especially neglected since she was born- he was scared of and for her. Unlike her siblings, Lily has never felt the full extent of her daddy's love and that was going to change right now.  
"Come on, baby." He encouraged once he had tied her hair in 2 neat cute buns, getting her coat and bags while Erica styled her little baby hairs sticking out with some gel. Derek came back and helped her put her shoes and coat on before he went to get Lily, it was Monday after all and Stiles let him know she goes to a daycare now, the same place where is husband also works part time now apparently. Which was....interesting to say the least.

20 minutes later with Netta dropped off at school, promise of a trip to the park after he picks her up, Derek was now on the way towards the day care run by some women named Kira. Derek was...kind of bitter about this. He always expected that Stiles would get a job, especially with the financial situation between them now, he knew that Stiles would want his own income if the worst case scenario should happen. That he didn't care about; what he cared about was the fact that for almost 2 month his daughter has been at a daycare being handled by complete strangers. He trusted Stiles, he trusted he wouldn't let anything happen to Lily or leave her with unprofessional idiots, hell Stiles was part of the staff now and he doubts his husband would work far from their baby- but is it wrong for him to have wanted a heads up? It was reminiscent of Stiles changing her doctors appointments without him knowing. However, as angry as he was -which wasn't that much, maybe annoyed was a better word- he didn't think he had the right to at the same time. Lily was his daughter yes, but that didn't stop Derek being absent in her life before. Plus, Derek and Stiles had just separated back when then, why would Stiles call him up like that? If it want for recent events, Derek still wouldn't know about his husbands job or his baby girl's new routine. In fact, who knows when he would have found out, it was only Derek pushing for Stiles to get some help and time for himself (a move Derek was still debating with himself if it was the right thing to do or not) did he suddenly come to light about this information. Would he still be in the dark to everything right now if not for that? How long would it have been until Stiles told him?  
Derek's mind went back to the night he showed up to Zayd's lacrosse game. And that's where Derek was more confused than ever after Stiles told him off in a text. Because these were his children! He had a right to reach out to them if he wanted! He had a right to know that Lily was now in daycare when both and Stiles had agreed she wasn't ready!  
Derek groaned aloud at that and once again for like the third time that day, reminded himself that he had lost the right to demand things from his husband and children who he had hurt so much. Deciding to leave his negative and depressing thoughts, pushing them to the back of his mind, he parked up in a space outside the daycare and got out the car. Opening the back door, he smiled down at Lily who was making grabbing hands at him.  
"I know baby. You're excited." He chuckled, hoisting her up into his arms, higher than normal to hear the happy giggles form his baby as she went up high in the sky. Holding the young baby against him, looking smaller against Derek than she did her Papa, he walked into the building, bracing himself for whoever was in charge of his baby girl for the next few hours.

Derek walked in to a young beautiful asian women smiling at him at the door of Lily's classroom. She held her hand out to him.  
"Hi! My name is Kira Yukimura. I work with Stiles and am in charge of the Chestnut Classroom here." She said, gesturing out to the room with her free hand as Derek shook the hand she held out. "You're Derek right? Lily's other father?"  
"That's me..." He confirmed, trying to go for the same energetic tone as the women before him but fell short. "Um...Is it alright if I just stay here? I don't know if.."  
"Oh don't even worry! Plenty of parents choose to stay sometimes." Kira said, already leading the man inside. He followed her around the small room as she gave her little tour, even introducing him to some children Lily plays with to which he smiled as his daughter let out cheerful squeals when she saw her friends and the toys- clearly she had her favourites already. "We have set meal times, other than that the kid's play and mind their own business. I usually have a Theo play a few games with them to do with colours and shapes or number, but he's on vacation too." She rolled her eyes as that and Derek wondered how Kira was doing with 2 of her coworkers gone but she seemed experience enough and Lily definitely liked her. "Stiles has also given us the contact details of her doctors just in case."  
"Could I just have a look to confirm? If you don't mind."  
"Be my guest! At my little desk over there!" She pointed over to the where her desk was and Derek nodded, planning to check once Lily was settled down. Speaking of, the little girl was squirming in arms and whining, anxious to play it seemed. Taking her to the play area, he sat down on the mat with Lily, watching her crawl off and join some other children. She seemed to be doing fine, speaking nonsense with the other babies and toddlers and from where Derek was sat, she didn't seem to be struggling either.  
So focused on tracking Lily, he didn't notice Kira sitting next to him.  
"SO!" She giggled as the bigger man jumped. "Does my little daycare have your seal of approval?" She asked, a light tone but she was serious. This man wasn't as anxious with Lily as Stiles was but he obviously cared about what happened with his daughter.  
"Well, Lily is comfortable here. She seems to be having fun plus you and your staff seem capable even if one is missing."  
"Oh don't mind Theo. He'll be back in two weeks, early if I really want him to." Huh, Stiles was gone for 2 weeks too. Was this a scheduled leave for the staff?  
"That's another thing. Stiles works here and he wouldn't let Lily stay here if he didn't believe it was good for her job or not. So if he trust this then I will too."  
"Aw how cute!" Kira giggled, pulling one of the babies crawling over to her onto her lap. She didn't miss the way this man looked down solemnly.

Kira has never questioned Stiles situation, it was never her business. Of course she had questions, most were standard and answered during the interview or Stiles just blurted it out when he thinks Kira or Theo are judging him or something. Though Kira has never questioned why he wanted such specific shifts, why she only ever saw him with Lily but not her other dad. She knows from Stiles' application that he's married so there must be someone in his life, but it didn't take a genius to figure out that his relationship wasn't exactly paradise. A few times now, usually when she overheard conversations between Stiles and Theo, did Stiles refer to himself as Mr Stilinski. Not Stilinski-Hale like his resume and application said. But again, she never questioned it. As much as Kira is just a simple daycare worker, her children and parents of those children were her clients entitled to their own privacy, as well as her employees entitled to theirs. Which is why she hasn't outright said that Theo was on his leave WITH Stiles to his husband out of professionalism- whether the man knew or not was not her business.  
But Lily was her business. Kira has seen older kids than Lily suffer from their parents marital issues and thankfully Lily was too young to seem to understand what was happening with her parents. However, given her condition, it did worry Kira how whatever tension between Stiles and his husband would affect their concentration on a vulnerable child like Lily.  
It warmed her heart that despite what was going on, both men cared about their daughter. She could see that as she took with Derek now as he checked through the contact book at the numbers to Lily's doctors.  
"Everything seems perfect. As expected of Stiles..." Derek frowned a little and Kira followed his line of sight to see that under emergency contact there was Stiles himself, Lydia Martin and Scott McCall as well as someone called Erica Reyes. Yet, Derek's name was absent.  
"Would you like to add you name?" Kira asked casually, ignoring the hesitant look the man gave her. "Ya know, since I suspect you will be the one drop Lily off while Stiles is gone. And unless you plan to stay the full few hours everyday, I will need a way to contact you won't I?" Keep it professional, she reminded herself. She doesn't know what Stiles would think but as a carer Kira needed access to every possible emergency contact available for a child like Lily. That included BOTH her parents. She was confident that she wasn't stepping any lines in her position.  
The man before her seemed grateful if a little hesitant as he used a pen on her desk to write his details down.

It was time for snacks and Kira worked on food for the other kids, letting Derek prepare a personalised one for Lily. The man was more clumsier and blunt in handling the fruits but he knew what Lily liked.  
Derek was a still a little unsure about Lily eating solids, but he missed the whole phase of mushy baby food and teething. So he just trusted his instincts and thought about what Lily wanted. She was a messy eater, liked getting her hands on things rather than having someone feed her- he learnt that the hard way at dinner last night when he tried to spoon feed her creamy mash potato and it ended up on his head instead. So he used a plate to set out some simple 'finger foods' that she could grab at. A section of blueberries, Kira made some slightly over cooked scrambled eggs mixed with tomatoes and then finally bits of ripped up ham. He had separated it all evenly on the plate but he was sure Lily would mess it all up to her liking and he had no problem with that.  
Kira almost laughed as some of the kids pushed away her own food she made for them and pointed to the plat Lily was happily screeching over. Derek looked completely lost when suddenly a bunch of babies and toddlers were whining and crawling towards him for food. Kira did burst out laughing then.  
After all the children were fed, Derek had just a little more time left with Lily. He had laughed and worried over her all day and he loved every moment of it. He loved making her special food she enjoyed- but his favourite moment had to be right here right now, with his baby girl in his arms as he sat down with her against the wall of the play mat as she mumbled to herself trying to stay awake and resist falling asleep.  
"I'm so proud of you..." He whispered, just so she could hear and as to not wake up the other children asleep or waiting for their parents. Derek was so damn proud about how far Lily has come. The infant seemed to have heard her daddy's praise and kicked her legs around tired with a wide mouth as if trying to convey a positive response. She was able to get excited and follow the other children without any difficulty. He loved that was branching out now and he almost regretted his and Stiles' decision to stop her experiencing all this sooner. He wondered how Stiles felt, watching Lily grow like this every day since he works here. His husband must be even prouder than him.  
"Derek, we'll be having the afternoon class coming in soon." Kira reminded him, and Derek looked up from silently cooing over a now sleeping Lily and looked around the now empty classroom. Blushing in embarrassment, Derek stood up carefully holding the girl before facing Kira.  
"Thank you letting me stay with her today."  
"It's my job to ensure the children AND parents are satisfied with the service with worries aside." She told him kindly.  
Derek left that afternoon confident that his daughter was going to be okay.

When Derek got back, he went straight to the bedroom carrying Lily. Placing her in the crib Boyd and Derek had worked on a few weeks ago, he smiled watching the young girl sleep peacefully. He lifted up her clothes to watch her breathing in out for a minuted before deciding she was safe.

Then Derek took his phone out and took the first picture of his daughter ever. He planned to get it printed later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This lockdown has been a blessing to me honestly, NOT THAT I'M HAPPY ABOUT COVID, but my exams were cancelled this year, I have a confirmed place at university starting in september no matter what grades the government gives me in place of actual grades so these past few months I've been happily taking the time for myself and things I haven't done in years, like writing. So I've been working on alot of artsy projects from canvas paintings to webtoon comics and just enjoying life creatively before I commit to 3 years of law school. I took a break just to focus on my other projects alittle but I'm back for this now that I'm in a place of comfort with the other things instead of falling behind.  
> Sorry for the wait and hopefully I'll be back on my daily update routine.
> 
> Keep commenting! Thank you for the continued support and lots of comments and reponses are always my motivation to conitnue writing! Thank you very much!


	18. Give Me Time To Myself, But Not Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles gets used to being alone, but does that make him lonely?

Stiles was watching T.V with his dad, cuddled on the single sofa chair while his dad was sprawled on the larger coach. Two empty bottles of beer lay on the table, and Star Wars sounding throughout the room, both men fully relaxed. Well mostly. Stiles felt...on edge to say the least.  
Arriving back in Beacon Hills, Stiles felt strange while in his fathers car, driving past the sign 'Welcome to Beacon Hills'. His stomach was in knots but he kept it to himself, not wanting to ruin Theo's good mood who was already in tourist mode over this little town and taking pictures every second. Scott was looking out the window the whole time and Stiles knows he was excited to see his own family once again. The man wondered when Derek stopped being excited to see him, see their children. Once at the centre of the town, Stiles practically kicked Theo out the car and sent him on his way for the duration of this trip. Next stop of Scott's home and once there, Stiles stayed in the car so he didn't trample all over the reunion. His best friend deserved this moment, even if Stiles heart was longing for Derek to look at him like Scott was staring at Allison now. The pair didn't even kiss at the front door of the house, no it was a comfortable embrace - tight and reassuring. The way they rested against each other said 'I missed you', the way Scott's arms tightened around her waist, Allison's head against his shoulder said 'I've got you' and every single moment they just stood in one another's arms there was a silent and mutual I love you. All of that Stiles saw from a single heart warming hug, and here Stiles was all alone. And that fucking hurt.

He's never been back by himself. Never been back without his family, the children tired and whiny from the flight and Derek being a typical grumpy father and telling the kids to leave him and Stiles alone for the next 2 hours and bother their grandfather. Stiles remembers pretend to scold Derek as they would enter his fathers house, but still processed to cuddle up with his husband in peaceful silence. But that was before Lily was born. Yet another reason Stiles was glad the kids didn't come with him, not wanting Lily's first visit to Beacon Hills to be her Papa and Daddy were separated (even if she may not remember this or understand), certain the tension between the two wouldn't be good for the kids or anyone if they all came, especially since Stiles was mainly here to see a shrink.  
And that's another issue in itself isn't it? Stiles appointment with Dr Naeem would be in a few day, 4 days to be exact not counting today. On Saturday morning at 9am- it took him awhile to settle on that. Stiles had called back to cancel and reschedule multiple of times by now until his dad made him just choose a date and asked the good Dr not to indulge his son. Dr Naeem was suprisingly patient with Stiles, never asking him questions or wondering about his hesitation, it almost seemed like she was expecting it. He wondered what she would be like in person, but he was already terrified of a women he hasn't even met and it worried him that someone had that kind of power over him already. Like he was weak and easy.

Being dragged out his thoughts by his father calling his name, Stiles looked to see the older man pointing to his phone which was blaring out his obnoxious ringtone, his son's name on the screen.  
"Oh! I gotta take this dad." Stiles said quickly as his dad sat up.  
"Want me to pause it?"  
"I've watched this trilogy a thousand times, but you need to catch up dad!" Stiles warned the man playfully who rolled his eyes and sat back as some aliens or something were attacking the other alien government. Honestly, movies were so much easier to understand back in his day. Stiles laughed gently as he entered the kitchen, planning to bring some snacks back after the call anyway.  
"Zayd, how are you baby?" Stiles answered happily. He had already face times Netta earlier, Erica even pointing her phone to a sleeping Lily in a crib he didn't recognise but guessed it must be Boyd's handy work.  
"I'm alright Papa. What about you?" Stiles raised a brow at the background noise. Wherever his son was, the music was loud and there was clearly a lot of people around. It was almost midnight, why wasn't his 14 year old son home yet?  
"I'm alright- But Zayd where are you? Are you at a party? This late? Where the hell is-"  
"PA! I'm fine. I'm not at a party, just watching something on the TV." Suddenly the noise came to a stop and Stiles presumed he must have turned the noise down. Exhaling in relief, Stiles was glad Zayd was safe.  
"That's good. I'm sorry."  
"Hey don't worry about it." The boy laughed. "I'm still Golden."  
"That you are..." It continued like that for awhile, small talk and banter. Neither Stiles or his son mentioning certain topics, like Derek or Stiles's upcoming appointment. No one was asking about it really, Lydia called a few times to check on him in the last 2 days but even she didn't pry as she normally would. The man didn't know what to make of that, was everyone giving him space or were they all to afraid to talk to him? What were they thinking about him? He wondered what Zayd wanted to ask, how was he doing with Derek? Was Derek even around or were Erica and Boyd taking care of their children? But as always, Stiles was hesitant and afraid to ask, it seemed Zayd was cheering up a bit more than he was a few weeks ago and Stiles didn't want him reverting back to staying cooped up in an enclosed space just to avoid everything. He didn't want his son picking up his parents avoidance habits.  
He listened to his son happily talk about school and his friends, glad the boy seemed to become more sociable again. They talked for at least another hour until Stiles told him to get some sleep and they both said goodnight before hanging up. The brunette then walked back into the living room, his father clapping dramatically at his son's return.  
"Finally you're back! Now explain what the hell the this movie is about or change it-!"  
"Dammit Dad it's not that hard!"

The next morning Stiles was walking around his childhood town. He had spent the last two days since he arrived just hanging out with his dad, but today the man had a friend he wanted to visit and Stiles was grown enough to get the hint that he wasn't wanted right now. Not that he took it to heart (this once), his dad deserved a life to himself now that he's retired.  
But speaking of being unwanted, Stiles soon found himself at the place he still considers hell after all these years, the gates of Beacon Hills High School. Ah, he remembers the torment and the isolation well. Sure he had Scott, but his friend wasn't JUST his friend anymore, they were both meeting new people and as much as Stiles has his close friends now, it wasn't always like that. Lydia Martin, the peer appointed queen of the school barely noticed him until a chance partnership during college prep classes and the two got into a debate about the actual importance of Ivy League Colleges- only then did they start to form a friendship, even so she rarely acknowledge him outside of that class. Scott was his best friend but much more athletically gifted than him, the crooked jawed boy made it on the lacrosse team and suddenly after school bro study/gaming sessions had to become a scheduled and planned ahead thing instead of 'hey I missed you, let's hang'. Other than that...Stiles was pretty much alone.  
He doesn't think he was depressed back then, just sort of got used to being alone. Scott was still in his life, and he understood the pressures all teens face wanting to be popular and that was important at the time to Lydia. They were grown now and even though neither of them exactly like how they were in high school, apologising to Stiles now and then to this day about their strained friendships, Stiles was grateful that they were still around.  
However back then, they weren't. Stiles Stilinski was the loner, class clown, known for 'maybe being friend with the lacrosse jock' and speaking to much too often fir any teachers liking. He was a shadow under the radar at best and an annoyance to everyone else.  
John used to say that Stiles was ahead of his time, that the boy should just wait and see how he shines in college, that the kids at school were just not mature enough for him. The boy knew where his father was coming from, trying to be reassuring maybe even give him an arrogant ego boost. Unfortunately, Stiles just didn't see himself like that- too good for everyone else. Don't get him wrong, he knew he was smart. If his teachers said anything positive about him after rants about his 'disruptive' behaviour, is that Stiles was smart and could go anywhere he wanted with a brain like his. John thought it best to use his sons brain with work at the station- attempting and failing to keep Stiles from the more gruesome cases anyway so why fight it? After school Stiles soon became a prominent place at the Police Station and John felt pretty damn proud of himself with how his son was smiling and living more. The teenager got along with all the deputies and even if Stiles did appreciate the company, he felt like a child.  
Which sounds strange but it was as if his classmates were too immature for him but he was too immature for the workers at the station. Even Linda the receptionist gave him a look as if 'here comes that kid again.' Stiles worked hard to provide insight to cases, point out things others have missed yet he was never an equal to any of them- still the bosses son that comes and hangs around because he has no friend. But it was still better than nothing so Stiles stayed. He's glad his eldest son seemed to be taking after his father rather than himself, Derek was much more popular in high school if he remembered correctly, a quiet kids but people still liked him. Plus he was a jock which always helps. Zayd seemed to be a perfect balance of Stiles intelligence and talkative nature and Derek's reservation and athleticism- his son wasn't an annoyance or loner and he never wanted a lonely life for his son.

Maybe it was all of that that drove Stiles to Derek. That made him so captivated by the man when he stormed in demanding files and when Stiles shot back at him, Derek didn't back down. He didn't talk down to Stiles like the other deputies and adults here, he didn't hold back trying to 'be nice to the kid' like everyone else remarked to each other. Maybe it was that attention to be seen as something more that Stiles then latched onto Derek, not physically. No, physically and boldly he just gave the man his number. And when the older man sent him a fake annoyed text that same night, he felt his heart finally burst with excitement- the cheesy feeling all the girls at school squealed about when some cute boy just looked at them. Except this was much better.  
Stiles and Derek talked constantly over the phone, he was 5 years older than Stiles and so was in the middle of college for a law degree so the two rarely had time to meet up- in fact Stiles didn't see him in person again until 4 weeks after they first met. But he didn't care. Now the boy went to school with a goofy smile on his face as he talked excitedly on the phone, he would pretend to need the washrooms in the middle of class just to see whatever funny video Derek had sent him in that moment. He loved that he finally had a FRIEND in high school, even thought he wasn't technically in high school. Most of all, and probably selfishly, he loved that Derek was talking to HIM. That the man wanted to talk to him and pay attention TO HIM. Hear what Stiles has to say like he was actually interested in how his mind worked and what he was thinking about. He just loved that...Derek loved Stiles.  
When he first confessed to Derek, Stiles was prepared for the rejection and the whole 'you're just a kid. You've never had a boyfriend before' because all of that would be true. Even his dad thought it was just a passing crush because in his dad's eyes he thought there was some sort of growing infatuation teens had to older men, that Stiles would get over Derek. He expected all of that to be said by Derek but instead, the man once again actually paid attention to Stiles feelings.  
And the law because hello- Stiles was 16! Derek was risking his future just for texting Stiles, especially the few flirty awkward texts they would send to each other (but never sexual). Derek confessed that he loved Stiles too but didn't want to pressure him, wanted to make sure that Stiles wasn't being groomed or mislead or anything that would hurt then both (Stiles more than Derek). They set up a place to talk in person about what they wanted to do, setting up boundaries and rules with Stiles most reluctant agreed upon one: no sex until he was 18. Derek also talked to his father, which felt very 18th century but the older man wanted to do it all right (and legally).  
However, as much as Stiles hated the no sex rule it was also freeing. The young man may be at the bottom of the dating list (not even on the list lets be honest) in school, but boys still reached out to him on social media when they found him, sending him dick pics and asking for sex. He almost gave in on really lonely night, only to be called frigid when he did ultimately refuse. It hurt like hell though, that no one wanted just him, they only wanted a quick/easy fuck. Derek loved him, asked him what he wanted every moment of their relationship. Again, Derek loved Stiles.

Derek. Loved. Stiles.  
Loved.  
Stiles swallowed hard as he starred at the school building in front of him. The one person that made it just that little bit better for him, the one that used to make him feel like he could take on the world as long as Derek was with him, didn't even love him anymore. And that fucking sucked.  
Stiles was about to cry out but instead he was hit on the head with a basketball. But there were no kids outside the building on the grounds, they were still in class.  
"Stiles! Hi!" Okay never mind, there was a child out. Not even a teenager, a literal man Child. Stiles rubbed at his cloudy eyes threatening to spill tears before glaring at Theo, who was sporting some khaki shorts, and form fitting blank tank top with the ever present shit eating grin on his face.  
"What the hell are you doing here?" He asked with a glare.  
"Wondering how long it's gonna take for someone to call the cops on the creepy old man just staring at the high school." Stiles cursed because oh shit. That's what it looked like didn't it?  
"Oh shit-"  
"Stranger Danger! Child Predator list!" Theo imitated the cry of a concerned mother, laughing at his own joke. until he saw the older man stalk off. "Hey wait up!" The younger man whined as Stiles sighed annoyed. If there is one thing about his husband that he wished he possessed in this moment, it's his dangerous death glare and strong eyebrows. Anything to scare Theo off.  
"What? This wasn't part of out deal of you go THAT way-" He pointed behind the young man. "And I continue THIS way, both of us going separate ways while we're here!" He glared as the boy pouted more. Seriously, wasn't he in his late 20s?  
"Buy me lunch! I ran out of money!" He whined as Stiles eyes widened at him comically.  
"It's been 2 days!" He argued incredulously.  
"Annnnndddd...in those 2 days I spent a lot, and I mean a lot, on souvenirs and trinkets and other-"  
"Other useless shit." Stiles sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose while Theo looked like an abandoned puppy. Deciding to give in just this once, Stiles nodded stiffly, "Alright, but I want some comfort food. Something greasy and heavy. You got a problem with that?"  
"Hey, beggars can't be choosers!" Theo smiled brightly, as if he wasn't interrupting Stiles feeling like shit and wallowing as he followed the man leading them off, bounding his basketball against the pavement as they went.

Strangely though, Stiles wasn't as annoyed as he wanted to believe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking of alternating chapters between Stiles and Derek with the kids. Let me know what you think.  
> Comment and respond guys so I know if you like where the story is heading or not, can't guarntee a change but I do like hearing your ideas and suggestions as always. I can take criticism as well, if you wanna call me out for continuity errors or things you don't get. Love to hear from you all.
> 
> Speaking of, thinking of doing a Q&A to, if there are alot of questions, just drop em down if you have questions for me about anything, either the story or anything at all. If there are enough Qs or if I feel like giving spoilers.
> 
> Thank you for all the support so far, much appreciated and leave kudos and comment. Thank You again.


	19. Why Not Do This Before?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek helps Netta with her dancing and gets some insight into what his daughter wants for their family.
> 
> Later on, Derek and Zayd end up butting heads.

Boyd and Derek were in the garden, fresh lemonade on the picnic table while Derek fused over putting sun cream on Lily's face, the little girl scrunching up her face as her daddy's large finger tinkled her nose before settling her down against the grass. The two men watched Netta teaching young Saffron some dance moves she's been learning at school. Glancing to his side, Boyd watched his friend take a picture of the girls.  
"Send it to me?" Boyd smiled as he leaned over to have a look at the picture of their adorable daughters. The picture was showing Netta help Saffron up, the younger girl having fallen on her butt. Derek laughed gently a nodded, pausing at his contacts list with his finger lingering over Stiles's name. "You should send it to him too." Boyd encouraged as his friend bit his lip, unsure.  
"Alright..." The man decided, clicking the button and placing it down quickly on the table as not to be tempted to check it every five minutes for a response. Derek hoped Stiles was doing well in Beacon Hills. He seemed less stressed over the phone when he face times the girls and Derek's even noticed the man's eye bags disappearing slowly too. But still, Derek would love to check in if Stiles would allow it and he didn't think his husband would just yet. Netta ran up to her daddy, grabbing his large right hand with her two smaller hands.  
"Daddy! Come on! I'll show you how to dance too!" She squealed excitedly. Boyd already having his phone ready to capture the moment and laugh when his friend fails.  
"Daddy can't dance, Netta." Derek almost whined. He didn't want to accidentally step on the little girl's feet or something. Derek was almost going to firmly say no until he saw the look on the girls face and sighed dramatically before allowing her to lead him onto the grass. The brunette was giggled as she held the taller man's hands. "Mrs Ida calls this a Waltz! It's an old people dance daddy so this has to be easy for you!"  
"I'm not that ol-"  
"Let's start!" Netta cheered, counting the steps and guiding her dad who tried to follow the little girl's actions as best as he could. It was a cute moment and Boyd was more than happy that he caught it all on Camera. He found it too cute to even laugh, especially when Derek was getting the hang of it was leading the dance, Netta hopping onto her dad feet as they danced.

Derek was the middle child between a younger sister and older sister. He never had a brother except some sort of older role model in his uncle Peter but even then the man's influence was small. As a result, Derek always wanted a son first and he got that when Zayd was born. After his son however, Derek KNEW he wanted a baby girl next, just a cute little girl he could cuddle and spoil and protect (as if he wasn't going to spoil and protect his son) and threaten boys that got to close. One Derek could walk down the aisle and pay for an insanely expensive wedding dress for. Stiles clearly caught on the man's desire for a baby girl especially when Derek would linger in the baby girls clothing section when they went out shopping for Zayd's clothes. Embarrassingly, he even looked up tips on how to get your partner pregnant to ensure a having a girl which led to some confusing and frustrating sex for Stiles when he would be manhandled into the missionary position when he wanted to ride his husband and sometimes Derek asked that Stiles didn't have an orgasm.  
"Are you fucking serious? I'm not into orgasm denial, especially when you are in my ass!" Stiles hissed at husband who looked bashful.  
"I just read that if you have an orgasm then it might help the boy sperms and push out the girl sperms..."  
"Stop searching this weird stuff! Go back to porn or something!" And that put an end to that. Still didn't stop Derek from anxiously waiting for the Doctors note revealing the gender of the baby. And when the news came that they were having a girl, Derek was so fucking excited he fainted from joy- as Stiles retold to him with promises of teasing once he came around.  
And months later, when he held baby Netta in his arms it was one of the happiest moments on his life. Zayd would whine over his dad not handing Netta over for him to hold and honestly if Stiles didn't scold the man, Derek would have probably just held her for days no matter what.

He regrets missing out on a whole year of his daughters life, regrets missing out on dance recitals and practices and to top it off, he hasn't even been there for Lily since she was born. Netta and Derek had least had a bond and relationship when she was an infant. Lily seeks him out but it's not the same as his relationship with her sister. It saddened the man, and mad him hate himself even more.  
Derek remembers her first steps, Stiles still has the video on his phone and laptop of Derek almost having a heart attack every time Netta tried to stand up and then would promptly fall on her face. The little girl would be laughing while Derek was close to suing whoever invented hardwood floors to which Stiles obviously called him ridiculous. He wondered if he missed that milestone with Lily? He's seen her crawl around, but he's never actually seen the 1 year old even attempt to stand up. He supposed he and Stiles were more scared for Lily's major milestones than their other children, maybe she was simply just a little late to learning. The daycare and new routine hopefully would help her out, especially since Kira wouldn't shelter or hinder Lily's progress which Derek sometimes fears he and Stiles have done. Even now, Derek is constantly comparing Lily and Netta to each other and all Derek sees is how much Lily has missed out and is loosing out thanks to her dad actions.  
"Daddy! Look at me!" Derek blinked a few times, finding himself sat back at the picnic table with Netta who was pouting up at him with annoyed honey brown eyes.  
"Sorry Sweetie, I was thinking about something." He said, noticing that they were the only ones outside now; Derek, Netta and baby Lily napping in his arms. He guessed Boyd must have gone to put Saffron to sleep at some point.  
"Okay Daddy." The little girl accepted, looking down at the table with a soft frown on her face. Derek tilted his head, observing the sad look on her face and he's never liked that look on her.  
"Netta? You okay?" He asked gently, the breeze picking up. It was nice and quiet outside, not much noise and he liked the atmosphere, just him and his daughters. Though, having Stiles and Zayd with them right now would make it perfect.  
"Why did Papa go see grandpa by himself?" Netta asked, looking up at her father. Thinking a moment how to best explain it while being honestly, Derek answered;  
"Papa needed help. To go see a special doctor." He rushed to finish when he saw Netta's eyes widen with worry. "Papa is going to be fine! He would have taken you and your brother and sister, but you know you had school-"  
"-and we get to stay with you." The young girl finished to which Derek paused and starred at her. "We get to see Daddy!" She said happily, smiling with her mouth and eyes. The man opposite her smiled back gently.  
"I like that I get to see you guys too."  
"When Papa comes back, are we gonna be a family again?" And again in one minute, Derek was rendered speechless. Because how is he meant to response to that? Netta continued excitedly. "We can go home with you and Papa will be happy again!"  
"Netta..." He sighed out, heart tightening. He gestured for her to come over to his side and continued speaking once she was settled besides him."..I miss you too. All of you including Papa SO much. But..Daddy isn't going to come home for a long time. I hurt Papa and it will take a long time to make Daddy to make him happy again." He said solemnly, he wanted to, GOD Derek wanted to be the one to make Stiles happy again, but that didn't look like a situation that would be happening anytime soon. Netta looking confused and upset again.  
"Why!? Can't you just say sorry?"  
"Not this time baby. When adults do something wrong like Daddy did, it takes more than saying I'm sorry." Netta huffed and crossed her arms, annoyed at both her parents from her perspective, mostly her daddy for doing whatever big dumb thing he did that Papa won't forgive.  
"Adults are silly and dumb!" She cried out. Derek thought about his current situation, how all his latest decisions and poor choices have brought him to this point and fully agreed that adults, specifically Derek, were dumb and silly and few other words he's sure his husband would add and agree too.

Soon enough, it was time for bed a few hours later. The day having gone fast and Derek had just finished reading Netta a story and putting her to bed- his daughter had only brought Alice in Wonderland because that was their book. He thinks the book suited his imaginative and vibrant princess. Lily was happily asleep in her crib, she was also awake during the story and Derek was proud of himself for getting a few giggles out the baby from his character voices. Although he wanted to just curl up around Netta and sleep, he tucked her into the large king sized bed and walked out the bedroom, leaving the door wide open. He had one more child he needed to have a talk to.

It was now midnight, officially Thursday now Zayd has been gone since coming back from school, leaving his school bag and walking out with vague excuse about studying at a friends. This is the second time in a row that Zayd has gone out like this and Derek was getting worried. Before he got Stiles involved though and worried the man, he wanted to confront Zayd himself, which is why the man was sat on the couch downstairs waiting for his son to get home. Tuesday night the teen came back at around 2am, Derek hoped he wouldn't stay out that long again tonight.  
Thankfully, a few minutes later, the 14 year old crept into the house, slowly opening and shutting the front door clearly trying to come in quietly. He frozen when he saw Derek waiting for him but then shrugged and kept a neutral expression.  
"Oh it's just you." He said casually. Derek didn't like that tone. "I thought it was Erica or Body. But since it's just you then that's fine." Zayd moved to leave and head upstairs to the bathroom only to be blocked by his father coming to stand before him.  
"Where were you? Do you have any idea what time it is?" Derek asked sternly, staring down at the boy with a scowl, not quite a glare just yet. The boy before him scoffed.  
"I don't have to tell you that's for sure." The boy shot back. Who the hell did Derek think he was demanding Zayd's whereabouts after running around on Papa all year? As if reading his mind, Derek responded angrily.  
"I'm your father, Zayd. When my 14 year old son is gone out and coming back late 2 days in a row then I have a right to know where he is. So I know he's safe!"  
"Oh fuck off!" The boy glared, stepping back from Derek so there was more space between them. "You didn't care to check on me when you were 'working late'. You didn't care check on Papa. Now you wanna play daddy whe it's suddenly convenient? Fuck You." And Derek understood, he got the anger, he got the frustration. BUt Derek was trying dammit! And he was going to say just as much.  
"I'm trying to make thing's right! With Stiles and your sisters! I'm-"  
"Coming to my games suddenly. Picking Netta up from school. Taking care of Lily. Yeah you're doing all of this!" Zayd yelled and Derek was confued where he was going with this. "You're doing everything a father is supposed to do! Well Done!" He clapped dramatically and in a fake manner. "But you know why it means fucking nothing?" Derek watching Zayd's face contort into heartbreak. "Because it proves is that you KNEW how to be a father. You knew all the right ways to act like a father in what? Just 2 month since you fucked everything over! So for a full year, that means....You just didn't want to be there for us." The boy finished, teary eyed and broken and Derek wanted to reach out so badly but he knows it wouldn't be welcomed. "A full fucking year and you could have been doing this with us the whole time but instead you...you chose someone else. And now suddenly you want to prove you're father of the year? That's not how this works!"

Zayd missed his father. He is so angry and hurt but he misses the bastard. Even so, Derek hurt their whole family. He wasn't going to forgive him so easily because if that happened that he was sure Derek would run out on their family again. But Zayd would deal with all the crap in the world from Derek, he didn't care about the man being sorry or how guilty he felt- what Zayd did care about though was his Papa. And how heartbroken the man was because he knows that even if the two men haven't been on the best of terms of the past year, his Papa loved Derek. Papa tried to hide how hurt he is and tries to be strong for all of them, but Derek fucking ruined the proud man and it just made things even worse. Papa told Zayd constantly that he was allowed to have a relationship with Derek even if they weren't together, but the teenager didn't know if he wanted to forgive Derek.  
Again, he missed the man, he missed having his dad around and was actually excited about staying this weekend. However, again, he didn't want to forgive so easily. Zayd couldn't stomach looking at Derek for too long, only seeing his dad living another life with some young whore. So he stayed out with his friends longer and the more he didn't want to see Derek, the more the young boy stayed out...at parties full of seniors and college kids. Zayd wasn't stupid luckily, he usually found some bedroom or bathroom no one cared about going into and spend the night relaxing in there, giving his Papa a call and maybe catch some sleep (couch was uncomfortable after all and Zayd was only sleeping on it to piss of Derek) before returning back to Erica and Boyd's house to get ready for school. He was expecting Erica and Boyd to be annoyed and lecture him like they did last night, but he could not give a shit that Derek was here trying to lecture him.  
"Zayd...I get you're mad at me." No, he didn't but Zayd didn't say that. "But you can't run off like some college kid and stay out late. You're only 14! If not for me than think of your sisters, think of your Papa-"  
"You didn't." Zayd repeated with a deathly glare, clenching his fists. "Unlike you, I actually do feel bad that I'm leaving my sisters, especially with YOU. I care that Papa would be worried about me- so don't even think about throwing MY family in my face. " Zayd did hate that he was leaving his sisters to his dad, but Erica and Boyd were here, it's not like he was abandoning them and leaving them alone like certain people. And as for his Papa... "If you care about Papa like you claim you do, you won't tell him I've been out and ruin his life- again!" It was a low blow, using the older man's desperation for forgiveness and approval again him but Zayd could not give a shit even as Derek wore that stupid hurt expression.  
Derek looked down, totally at a lose at what to do. Even tough Zayd wasn't coming back drunk or bruised, he still didn't like his young son being out late doing god knows what. But with Stiles in a vulnerable place right now, he didn't want him to quit his treatment or back out to fly back here and deal with Zayd just because Derek couldn't handle it like an adult or father.  
"Go up and sleep by your sisters." Derek finally spoke. "We're not done with this discussion." He was firm because whether Zayd wanted to acknowledge it or not, Derek was still his father. And he wasn't going to let his son talk to him like he had no authority at all.  
"That's what you think." Zayd rolled his eyes and stormed upstairs.

But despite what he thought, Derek wasn't going to let this go. He wasn't going to just give up on his son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in case it wasn't clear, Zayd lied to Stiles in the previous chapter.  
> Don't have much to say. Usual shit, be respectful, leave a comment as they motivate me to write, leave a kudo and thanks for all the support guys!


	20. You're Not That Special- Well Maybe You Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles keeps running into Theo and as annoying as the younger man is, Stiles can't help but enjoy his company.
> 
> Theo is fascinated with Stiles and he can't really understand why. All he knows is that the fact the older but shorter man is married doesn't bother him as much as it should.

"I can't believe this..." Stiles rubbed his temple, feeling another headache coming on as Theo blinked at him with a happy expression on his face. Stiles has come to see Scott and say hi to his family, but upon his arrival he was greeted at the door by a cheerful Theo. Scott, the ever loving interfering fool had apparently invited the young man over since Stile's called the day before about his visit, thinking having his co worker over would be could for them all since they 'travelled together and all'- honestly did the curly haired man child not hear how flimsy that excuse was? Said best friend wrapped an arm around Stile's shoulder with a smirk.  
"Oh come on Stiles! Don't be rude! Theo bought Allison flowers and Kaitlyn a toy. He's being a better guest than you with that scowl." Scott teased and for once Stiles's ignored him to face the little shit across the table from him.  
"What happened to: 'I'm broke Stiles! Buy me some food!' after you apparently spent it all on stupid trinkets!" Theo rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly as he laughed with hesitation. Stiles had spent a good 25 bucks on their meal yesterday and again the day after when the man coincidentally ran into him at the market, all paid for by Stiles under the claim that Theo didn't have any money to contribute to their little outing. Granted the price both times was high mostly because he went all out with ordering milkshakes and extras but still. His money.  
"More like...I didn't have any money on me at the time-"  
"And the second time!?"  
"Well technically you just assumed I didn't have any money on me that time-"  
"Because you said you were totally BROKE!" Stiles argued exasperatedly, the brunette before him pouting as the outburst. Letting out a sigh and deciding it wasn't worth carrying the issue out, especially in Scott's home (even if the man next to him was clearly finding the whole thing entertaining like some twisted lovers spat), he just asked that Theo pay him his 50 dollars back- shit did he really spend that much on them the past two days just from junk food? Even his dad didn't spend that much on his cheat day - cheat week - meals. Before he could contemplate his comfort eating, Scott interrupted Theo who was going to fish for the money in his wallet just then.  
"I have an even better idea, how about on Sunday, Theo pays you back a different way?" Theo blushed at the vague implication as Stiles looked at his best friend horrified. Rolling his eyes, Scott continued; "Not like that you losers. I mean if you want after..."  
"Scott! The point!" Stiles glared, relaxing when Kaitlyn waddled over to him and hoisted the young girl on to his lap as she played with the new stuffed hippo Theo had bought her.  
"My point is, why don't you organise something Theo? Since Stiles treated you in your false time of need, pay him back with the food you ate?" Scott grinned, reaching over to poke at his little girl's tummy who giggled with joy in her uncles lap. Theo looked to seriously be contemplating the idea while Stiles wanted to disagree instantly. But the more he thought about it, he came to realise that is not now then Scott would definitely try to set something else up with even less subtlety than he is now. So for the sake of less humiliation later, Stiles just nodded to which Theo would have surely been wagging his tail happily should he have had one by the look pf pure joy on his face.  
"Fine. Sunday afternoon. We can go binge eat 50 dollars worth of food. But then you leave me alone for the whole week starting Monday and only approach me when we meet at the airport again. Understood?" He said sternly but calmly. The young man nodded excitedly got up as Allison called for Theo to come help her with the BBQ burgers.  
Once gone, Stiles raised an unimpressed brow at Scott (he truly was picking up his husband's habits after all these years).  
"Happy with yourself?"  
"Very."

Theo Raeken had a fairly normal childhood. Usual experiences of falling off a bike, dumb games that winded up in a broken window or arm, tree climbing etc. All the usual shit. He had a younger sister and his parents were...around. Both worked hard on big important oversea jobs so the majority of the time his grandmother took care of them all. Again, nothing too out of the ordinary- parents who both worked did sometimes leave their children to be cared for by another relative. It wasn't like they were abandoned. They never struggled with money either and were quite well off but the children never spoilt. Again pretty normal. But Theo did grow to learn that as much as he didn't find anything wrong with his upbringing, that's not to say that everyone else didn't too. Whenever he mentioned that he only saw his parents a few times a year and his grandmother looked after he and his sister, EVERYONE gave him their sympathies. It wasn't until some times in the 4th grade when he forgot his homework did a teacher suddenly ask him if everything was going on okay at home, did Theo need extra support, or was he a young carer to hs grandmother and that 'it was okay if he needed to cry.' Theo wasn't upset though. He wasn't worried or even had a tear in his eyes. But he didn't stop Miss Abbott from dismissing his homework and accepting her advise to just forget it and relaxe.  
It was at that moment that Theo realised the biggest weakness of all amongst people - kindess.  
It made people weak, it made them gullible and coincidentally,self righteous. He could see the sparkle in people's eyes whenever they offered him comfort about his 'situation', the mental pat on the back they give themselves whenever they felt they had handled talking to him well. Even in high school when he did start taking care of his sister and aging grandmother more while his parents went through a divorce, Theo despised the fake platitudes of kindness and and gestures of support only to have those same people (teacher and classmates) modestly brag to their friends and coworkers how they helped the 'poor boy'.  
But that didn't mean Theo wasn't going to manipulate the shit out of it. Because as much people's need to be kind and get that warm fuzzy hallmark feeling drove them to reach out, guilt is what makes people actually give their soul to you. So at times Theo would play up some tears in the middle of the cafeteria, make it seem like people said the wrong things or made him snap, he would take delight in seeing that arrogant light vanish from their eyes and be replaced with a cloudy panic of guilt. Theo brushed off his grandmothers questioned the nights he would return home with bags of food his classmates would buy him, gave fake excuses about favours when she saw him playing on a new video game she doesn't remember him buying.  
His strategy worked on his own parents even, especially with the divorce because who wouldn't spoil the children who are just helpless victims in a broken marriage? Like Theo gave a shit.

Things didn't change much as he got older, just the focus changed since Theo's grandmother excuse wasn't much in college. People had it worse and the focus was on others from people who constantly talked about their toxic mothers to people who just happened to be raped however many times in their lives but didn't crack a single tear when retelling their stories. Theo disliked them all, people who shared their so called trauma so easily, almost as bad those who gave out fake sympathies and kindness. There was always the excuse that people were 'stronger now' and 'could talk about things easier like that' but he knew the real reason because the truth is, people with trauma aren't special, but they want to be. They want to be protected. Theo had more respect for the girl in the back of his psychology class back in high school- Tracy he thinks her name was- who openly admitted she starved herself and kept the disorder going purposely because she liked the attention than he did girls in his college classes who starved themselves and everyone acted like they were such a saint for 'surviving' yet ignore the racist remarks they make or how terrible the person actually is because 'aw poor them, they had something bad happen. Mental health is an issue guys!" and then would also be triggered by anything and everything and it's suddenly everyone's responsibility to pander to the attention seekers.  
Maybe Theo was a certain type of snob, judges to quickly or whatever. He didn't wanna be those types of people either, the ones that complain about humans online and claim animals are better or whatever. But maybe that was true - not that bullshit extent- but maybe he just didn't like people. He understood them however, knew how to play them. You smile and people think you're kind, you kiss their ass and suddenly you're besties and so on. You donate to a charity or two and suddenly it's as if you're Mother Theresa herself. Theo knows he's probably not a nice person, but he never pretended to be. If anyone did call him out on his behaviour then he would openly admit he was full of shit, but that never happened. He played with peoples feeling when he wanted something then went back to being a dick - in most peoples opinions. He didn't have any friends but didn't care.  
Because people are too easy. They're full of shit, suck their own dick when possible and EVERYONE does it no matter what disorder they play up to feel special.

And that's how Theo went through life honestly. Pretended to play nice when he had to, rolled his eyes at everyone around him when they would chat shit, passed his classes and went into looking for a job after he graduated. He only wanted one thing and that was working with kids. Theo liked children, young ones at least - not to sound like a pedo of course- because they hadn't learnt any skills to be assholes yet. They told you when they were pissed, whined when they wanted attention and were pretty easy to please. They were simple to understand to but they didn't try to be anything they weren't. It was refreshing after a life full of two faced morons.  
Though the man found a pleasant surprise in Kira. She saw his fake attitude the second he told her how excited he was a 'young and inexperienced man to get started!'. Once he just plainly confessed he preferred children to adults, the asian women smirked and just nodded with a strong stance.  
"That's more like it. Welcome on board!" From then he was more relaxed being himself and although he might not admit it, Theo loved working there. Not just because of the kids but because he didn't have to pretend with anyone except the parents. He showed up late, he was kind of lazy once the kids in his class were asleep and had little respect for Kira as his boss. But the women was strong and firm, not taking his shit which he could respect as a person. Still, out loud he would never admit to her that he did listen to her and did want to make the black haired women proud of him at times when she would return from her break and find him reading to the kids or the the snacks already done. Truly, he was fine with his little world. Work, home, Kira and the daycare. It was away from the disgusting world he was forced to share with every other self righteous fool and Theo was fine with that separation.

However, of course Stiles Stilinski had to show up. With his fucking adorable child no less. And for the life of him, Theo didn't see anything outwardly wrong with the man which infuriated him. Clearly the man was struggling with SOMETHING, he waited for the whole 'woe is me spiel', he waited for the excuses and 'how hard it is to be a single parent' like no one else in the world has managed without being a little bitch about it. Yet nothing came. Stiles came to work, talked to Kira about nothing but Lily and checks on her health and went home- even with Lily he didn't talk about it like some sort of trophy the parent of most miracle children bragged about, wearing their child's near brush with death like some kind of prize to post on facebook or twitter about for likes and comments; wait no 'support through these tough times'. The older man was here for his children and that was it.  
Except it wasn't. No, because what Stiles had instead was an inferiority complex, he was doing everything in his power to prove something to himself or others that Stiles Stilinski was a great parents and it wasn't the first time Theo saw this type of behaviour- however it was the first time he didn't know whether to feel sorry for the man or hate him. Theo knew he was married, Kira had told him some of the man's profile information just in terms of pleasantries, yet husband dearest was no where to be seen. Shame.  
God he was such a fucking idiot. Theo knew he had a bias towards Stiles because fuck, was he attractive. He's heard of twinks that don't age but this was ridiculous, man was in his 40's and he looked like he would still get ID'd at a night club. But who the fuck would mess up a marriage with a piece of ass like that? Wasn't marriage some sacred bullshit about loving each other sprinkled in with mushy shit about soulmates? Stiles seemed like the type to believe in that crap.   
Speaking of, Stiles was perfect just to...have a little fun with. No one had usually sparked his interest like this, even when he did have sex it was just to get his rocks off, Theo didn't even care if his partner came in the end. Stiles was different for some reason and the young man was more than happy to sink his teeth into him for a quick taste. But none of Theo's usual tricks seemed to work. First he tried the innuendos, get the man hot and bothered, but he kept ignoring those flirtatious and changing the subject to Lily- which at first Theo thought Stiles just indirectly trying to show off how he cared about his daughter before anything else like most pretentious super parents but that wasn't the case apparently with Stiles. Then Theo tried gestures, offering to drive him home, feeding Lily and playing with her - because that would show Theo off as the helpful type and make him seem sensitive and gentle. However again, Stiles surprised him each time he would refuse his offers and although his gestures were appreciated, Stiles still looked at him with that look of suspicion, like he could see through the act but didn't want to call Theo out on it.  
Which led to his third and latest attempt, blissful ignorance. He played up the age gap between him and Stiles and after managing to tag along with his trip to Beacon Hills, Theo attached himself to Stiles like a lost dog, despite his request for space. Planning to just act like a tourist and lost in such a new place. Scott for whatever reason was clearly on Theo's side in pursuit of Stiles and Theo was going to use that to his advantage that's for sure.

Which is what led him to now, following Stiles out of Scott's house just before evening, both sharing an afternoon of banter or annoyance on Stiles part.   
"So what should we do tonight?"  
"WE?" Stiles questioned, stopping on the sidewalk and turning to Theo was that goddamn delicious look of distrust. Stiles doesn't fall for all his gestured unlike everyone else, he understand that smiles and good deeds are all empty because there is no such thing as a selfless good deed, everyone is always after something and Theo was very obviously was.  
"Well yeah." Theo pouted, playing the naive young man perfectly who couldn't pick up on cues like when he was wanted or not. "You said I have to leave you alone starting Monday. Can't we get along until then?"  
"Why are you so desperate to get up my ass?" Stiles questioned, crossing his arms and Theo knows he didn't mean it the way the younger man was thinking but he found that to be an apt choice of words.  
"I'm just curious Stiles." Theo said casually. "I've been nothing but nice to you but you keep shooting me down like I'm some sort of scum. Come on, we work together. Why can't we at least be friends?" He had everything right, the tone of voice, perfectly timed downward glances and a closed of stance. All the trademarks people look for in someone who's just a little down. Theo thought even Stiles was going to fall for it when he saw the hesitant look in the man's gaze as he awkwardly took a step back but as always, the stubborn man did not disappoint.  
"There's a club in the centre of town with plenty of gullible people you can go bat your watery eyelashes at." Stiles scoffed. Theo saw the opening for doubt, herd it clearly in his voice.  
"I'm not after anything from you Stiles."  
"Sure you're not." Again, catching his bluff and Theo had to resist an impressed smirk and instead sighed gently, nodding his head and turning around to walk off without another word. He went a few steps more than he expected before Stiles voice rang out behind him.  
"Wait, Theo!" Said man turned around to face Stiles who had caught up with him, looking down at his feet with the gull to look slightly ashamed. Theo loved that resistance. "...See you Sunday. Pick me up at around 2 in the afternoon?"  
"Sure thing Stiles!" He replied with a dashing bright smile, Stiles guilt instantly turning to frustration at the younger man's sudden mood change, but Theo set it all up carefully to make it seem like teasing and banter rather than an outright insult of intelligence to somehow entice Stiles into showing kindness. He bid the man a good evening and continued walking off with a skip in his step, knowing Stiles was watching.

People were easy. They weren't special and they weren't saints. They were all terrible but tried to convince themselves otherwise with fake morals but in the end, it all came down to being better than everyone else and who could be the 'better person' in more ways than one.  
Theo was no different. He was a terrible person but for whatever reason, he wanted to give into his human weaker side just a little if it meant that Stiles would look his way. Hell, maybe Sunday wouldn't be such a a bad thing. They could both get their rocks off and then who knows, maybe they continue into more after. Why he might want or wanted such a thing?

Theo had no idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like it needs to be said because I know previously people have a hard time understanding character from author, but I don't share Theo's views. This is just an insight to his personality and his understanding of events. Any opinions or views I've given him are purely for character development and plot and creating dimensions. 
> 
> I mean this as kindly as I can come across in words, but if you genuinely have problems over this or are triggered even though, again this is fictional, than stop reading please.
> 
> Thank you for everyone support, again don't hold back on feedback or questions or criticisms. Comments motivate me to keep writing. And again Thank you.


	21. Last Friday Night I Wanted To Lose My Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayd contemplates going stupid and forgetting about his problems.
> 
> Derek find Zayd at a party, presumes the worst and the two have a talk about forgiveness, lashing out, and Zayd learns his feelings are valid no matter what his parents are going through.

It was Friday night and as always per the expectation, most teenagers were out with their friends or sleeping early after a long week at school so they could party on the following Saturday. Zayd was neither of those teens. He fell more into the the teens that just hung out at home either in his room or with his parents. Most evenings, the black haired boy would be helping his Papa out, babysitting/playing with his sisters or even hanging out with his own friends online and making plans to meet the next day. Not that he didn't appreciate a good party, but just wasn't one to smoke, or drink or anything else that honestly wasn't a big deal to Zayd.  
He just didn't care to take part in it.

Things were quickly changing though, they had been for awhile every since he joined the lacrosse team this year. He was one of the youngest in his freshman year after all, 14 while the majority on the team were 15 to 18. Zayd knew he would have to prove himself amongst these guys, show he wasn't just some squirt the Coach was taking pity on but secretly planning to kick off once things got too rough or never let him play in general; Zayd Stilinski-Hale was no scrub or stooge or some bench warmer! But that didn't stop the teasing and although Zayd wouldn't go as far as to call it bullying (maybe ragging was the better way to go), his treatment from his other teammates did dishearten him just a little. Okay a lot.  
It was maybe mid September when Zayd came home from school late after a particularly rough practice. The Captain and Coach were working the team hard, the excuse being the newer members needed to get used to training together as a team with the older members, which Zayd could understand. But it seemed to be that the more the young boy was proving himself to be a worthy athlete, handling the drills and exercises with grace, the more the Captain seemed to push back and make him the butt of everyone's joke. It was nerve wracking to say the least. Especially with this first game coming up. If he even made it to the game.  
"Something bothering you kid?" Zayd looked up from his sulking on the kitchen counter as his dad walked in dressed in his suit, clearly planning on going back to work soon. His dad had been home less and less lately, he knew that it had something to do with Lily. He knew that it had something to do with the fact Papa and Dad had been fighting a lot even though they thought Zayd had no idea. But he did. He was a smart boy after all.  
"Just..stuff with the Lacrosse team...Thinking of quitting.." He shrugged, hoping this would be the normal days (lately) where his dad would be rushing to get to work this evening. Yet instead, Derek took a seat next to Zayd, his coffee cup in hand, and turned to his son.  
"I got time. Let's talk." He smiled warmly and although he appreciated it, Zayd wondered what the rush every other time was. For now, his dad wanted to hear him out, and he'd take that chance. The boy began talking about the way his team was behaving towards him- just him, not the other new recruits because everything did seem to be targeting Zayd especially. How the boy was never invited for pizza or whatever after practice, the way Coach always asked Zayd to stay on the field and practice something he already knows while everyone heads inside. He would be the last in the changing room left to toss away everyone's sweaty towels. He explained how he just didn't understand any of it because Coach and the Captain always said how amazing his skills were they essentially treated him like shit.  
Derek listened intently to his son's concerns.  
"And you're not telling your Papa because...?" He almost outright laughed as Zayd blushed.  
"Because it would be totally embarrassing!" The boy whined. "Papa would think I was being bullied and march down to the school to kill Coach and Captain Stephen." He pouted as his dad looked t him with amusement.  
"You Papa just cared about you." He said gently. Zayd didn't miss the longing gaze or the too soft tone in his voice. "But DO you think you're being bullied?"  
"No..." Zayd sighed out dejectedly. "It would be easier if I was. It'd be easier to understand. But I just feel like no matter how good I play, because I'm the youngest and least experienced aside from a few games in my junior team, they won't ever see me as good enough..." He said sadly, looking down at his lap. "So I'm thinking of just quitting..."  
"No." Derek said instantly. "Zayd if you wanted to quit because you were bored, or want to do something else or hell, just not wanting to be on the team in general then fine. I would have let you. But there is no way you are quitting because you think you aren't good enough." The older man placed his cup down and starred right into his son's eyes. "You're playing tomorrow right? Friday night?"  
"Yeah...I'm first string. Probably just want to see how bad I'll do in an actual game."  
"But you just said your Coach and Captain think they're amazing player."  
"But-"  
"Nothing. Tomorrow night you're going to play you damn heart out. You're midfield right?" Zayd nodded and his dad continued. "So you're going to win everyone the game and prove that your Coach wasn't hazing you for nothing. That you are future captain material because that's what it seems like all their extra chores on you are about son. They feel like you are their best player, they want to push you, they want you to push yourself more and not get distracted by going out with the team end of every practice. It's why the coach gives you extra time to yourself to practice your skills in private." That....actually made a lot of sense. Zayd furrowed his brows, still not sure if he could handle the constant ragging or new pressure now. What if now tomorrow night he completely failed and they just kick him off the team? He would rather quit than be humiliated by that. Derek watched his son's busy mind, the one he got from Stiles, work in his head and debating all sorts of outcomes. "Zayd, I'll make you a deal."  
"What is it..?" His son replied hesitantly.  
"Tomorrow night, you play your hardest, no matter what happens. If after you all win - and you will -you still feel like you your team doesn't respect you, then you can quit and I'll tell your father some made up reason why so he doesn't worry and leaves it alone. But ONLY if things don't change after tomorrow. Deal?"  
Zayd was clearly debating the idea however in the end, he knew his Dad wouldn't let this go.  
"Okay Deal."  
"That's my son."

Coming Friday night, Zayd found that his father was right. He totally kicked ass during the game, his team winning by a landslide and he even won MVP. On the way to the locker room, Zayd was stopped by the Stephen, their captain.  
"You did amazing out there Zayd!" The Senior grinned down at the slightly shorter boy. "Gotta say I was kinda worried you wouldn't show up after the week Coach and i gave you."  
"Honestly I was kind of planning to quit until my Dad convinced me otherwise..." He admitted bashfully to which the Captain groaned.  
"Dude no! You're one of the few that actually gives me hope for this new team! I just push you harder than the others because-"  
"Because you wanted me to push myself. Yeah I get that now." He smiled slightly, shaking the hand offered to him by the older boy.  
"So we cool?"  
"We're cool. But can I ask for more direct training from here on out? Most of the other stuff I get but I do not wanna be picking up anyone else's sweaty towel's again." Stephen made a face at that.  
"That wasn't on me dude. That's everyone else not being able to clean after themselves apparently! Sorry man, I'll talk to them about it." He said, patting the boys back as they walked to the locker room, promising more time on the field for private one on one training rather than solo. Zayd was even invited to come celebrate for Pizza after too. However, while Stephen stayed back to watch the team and make sure they clean after themselves, Zayd took the chance to go see his parents before going out with the team. He had been so focused on the game, he didn't even get to glance at them to make sure they were watching.  
Out in the parking lot, he ran to his Papa's jeep where Stiles was waiting excitedly, arms out as his son ran into them for a hug.  
"I am so proud of you!" He cried happily, holding his son's head and kissing his temple repeatedly to which Zayd whined.  
"Papa! Stoopp!" He pushed the laughing older man off him and looked around. "Where's Dad? I need to thank him!" The tone seemed to change instantly at his questioned as Stiles frowned before clearing his throat.  
"Um...He couldn't come. Work thing again." Stiles tired to smile apologetically at his son, but Zayd could see his papa was angry, as if he expected this but was still mad it happened. Zayd didn't want the night to end like this so he smiled brightly.  
"It's alright. I'll just catch him later tonight..." Stiles nodded at that and hugged his son, congratulating him once more before letting him go have fun with his teammates.

Now, months later after that night, Zayd was now at some random party this Friday night, sitting on the steps and nursing a cold unopened bottle of beer in his hands. His usual friends weren't here tonight, so it was just his teammates. They didn't have a game but they felt like celebrating a 'good practice session'. Just an excuse if you asked Zayd but he wasn't going to complain, especially since he felt like a member of the team now that he could come and go on these outings as he pleased. However, just because he came out more (to avoid his dad mostly) he still didn't care for the whole, drinking, sex and loud senseless music scene. He just wanted to be left with his thoughts.  
Because he understood better now. New that back then, knowing what he knows now, that Derek was having an affair. He talked to his own son about not giving up and trying his hardest all the while giving up on his own marriage and running off with some whore. Zayd felt sick just thinking about it. God he wished he was stupid. Then he could live in blissful ignorance, he could down this beer in his hands and get drunk and dumb like everyone else. Honestly he was contemplating it. He was 15 in a week after all, then 16 which was practically legal for anything then. Ugh, again he wished he was stupid enough for that flawed logic to be enough for him.  
"Hey, what's with that face?" Stephan was suddenly next to him and Zayd looked up as the older boy sat down besides him on the steps. "You don't look like someone who's in a partying mood."  
"I'm not." Zayd answered honestly with a dry laugh. "I'm just here to catch my breath, really."  
"You look more like you're drowning." The older boy smirked, shoving at the younger one gently as he tried for a teasing tone. "Come on what's bothering you?" He asked, knowing this wasn't usually Zayd's scene. " I'm your Captain, on and off the field. You can trust me." He encouraged. Stephen himself usually just came to the parties to wind down second, and make sure his teammates didn't die from something stupid firstly. Even though Zayd felt comfortable around him, but not enough to share his whole entire life just yet. So a vague answer it is.  
"I'm...kinda in a fight with my dad at the moment. And I WANT to forgive him and I miss him too. But...I just can't forgive what he did so easily..."  
"In case he does it again right? You don't want things to be so easy that he thinks he could get away with whatever he did and do it again." Stephan smiled, Zayd glad someone knew where he was coming from. "I get it. Me and my Mom got into something like that. She applied for colleges for me without my permission, choosing where I would go and which course a few months ago. I was so mad." He shook his head before quickly adding. "Not that whatever your dad did is better, hell probably worse dude. Unless it can be sorted out by a few phone calls to college admins." He chuckled, Zayd joining in with the tanned boy.  
"No, take more than a phone call..." And ain't that the truth. His dad had already left him about 20 missed called in the past few hours. He listened to a few, the late one he listened to talking about how he was getting the car and coming to look for him.  
"If you don't want to tell me everything I get it, Dude." Stephen smiled a little. "All I got really to tell you is that, don't feel like you HAVE to forgive and forget just because he's your dad, especially if he hasn't been acting like one. You go at your own time." Zayd remembers Papa telling him something similar, how no matter what happens between his parents now, that Zayd still had control over what he wanted to do. But he couldn't think about what he wanted without thinking about Papa too. "Also...don't be scared to forgive too. Don't hold onto the anger just because you think it's what's right. You have to be honest with yourself." Stephen watched the younger man and reached over, gently prying the beer from his hands, the black haired boy looking up to meet his Captain who was suddenly very close and looking at him gently. "Don't change yourself because of your dad or what other people think you should do- whether that's to forgive him or not."  
"I was going to drink that." Zayd pouted when his captain outright laughed at him.  
"No you weren't." He said matter-of-fact-ly, pushing back, distance between them both as whatever weird potential moment Zayd thought was building passed. A comfortable silence passed between them until the older boy pulled out a packet of smokes and a lighter from his pocket, pausing at Zayd as if asking for permission to which the younger one gave. He didn't care if people smoked around him, he cared if Lily was ever around. He got that from his parents, Derek used to have a habit of it as well but stopped when Zayd was born. He wondered if the man was sick enough to smoke in secret even with Lily in their life. The thought made him scowl angrily and Stephen purposefully blew some smoke his way and laughed as the dark haired boy's expression changed to one of annoyance.  
"Hey!"  
"Stop making faces like that after I was so lovely to you." He teased, earning himself a shove that he barely felt. Suddenly, the few drunk/high teens on the front yard that were lazying about jumped up and ran all different directions as a black sleep sports car pulled up. They must have though it was the hosts parents, but Zayd groaned knowing exactly who it was. Whatever small hope he had was quickly dashed as Derek got out the car and marched over.  
"ZAYD!" He called angrily, Stephen putting his smoke out quickly and moving to block Zayd from the man until the boy stopped him.  
"It's fine...That my dad..." He said begrudgingly as the older man approached them. He glared up at the man. "What the hell are you doing here!?"  
"Get in that damn car, we're leaving." Derek demanded sternly, side glancing Stephen who was watching the situation carefully. Derek took note of the smell of smoke and the packet still in the Senior's hand. "Have you been smoking!?" He questioned his son angrily.  
"That's none of your business!" Zayd yelled back, not concerned with telling Derek the truth yet. After yelling for him to get in the car once more, Zayd bit his lip and gave in after 5 more minutes of arguing, saying bye to his captain and getting in the car.

"After everything last night-!" Derek was driving them home, giving Zayd an ear full as the car drove on the quiet rode. "I told you this morning to come right home after school! I told you that you weren't allowed to go out like this anymore and what do you do instead!? You're smoking with some older kid-"  
"Goddamit will you shut up!?" Zayd yellled at him, not taking Derek's shit. Who was he to tell him all this like he suddenly had the right too!? He said the same thing last night as well! "That's not my home! It's Erica and Boyd's house! I'm just staying there for 2 weeks- why? Because my Papa is half way across the country getting help. Why is that? Because his bullshit husband cheated on him while he was loosing his mind at home that's why! All of this is because of you!" He jerked forward as his dad suddenly pulled up on the side of the road. Derek got out the car, his son following because if they were going to have this conversation then they should have it now.  
Zayd sat on the hood of the car, his arms crossed as he watched his dad pace around the front. Neither of them knew where to start but Derek thought to try anyway.  
"What do you want from me, Zayd?" He pleaded, voice loud but not yelling.  
"i don't know okay? But I am so sick you getting away with all this!"  
"Getting awa- I am living with Boyd and his family! I'm away from my own husband, my children. Everyone wants me to do everything and nothing at the same time! How am I meant to-"  
"For fucksakes this isn't about you!" The boy cried, tears in his eyes at the frustration of Derek not understanding. "You are living with your FRIEND. My sister was dying and you were off playing house. Your husband is half away across the fucking country trying not to kill himself while you are here comfortably living with the children he's raised by himself for a whole year! So don't fucking dare think you have it worst because you don't!" He cried more into his hands, Zayd not knowing what the fuck was wrong with him tonight.  
Derek watched his son absolutely fucking devastated and ran a hand down his face as his own eyes filled with tears. Fuck. He said the wrong things again an Zayd was right, Derek had had it WAY to easy compared to what could and probably should have had happened. All Stiles really did was kick him out. He could cry about how unfair that was all he wanted but the truth was that Stiles and his family were suffering alone while he escaped to some fantasy and avoided all his problems. His son was like this because of him, because he was trying to be the man Derek wasn't and taking on too much adult bullshit for his age and that was the exact opposite of what Derek and Stiles wanted for their children in all this. He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around his trembling , sobbing son- the boy too busy trying to stop his own tears and to care who was holding him right now.  
"I'm sorry." Derek begged to be believed. "I am so fucking sorry. I'm sorry I've put you all through this, that I left you to deal with everything by yourselves." He rubbed the back of Zayd's back like he used to when the boy was much younger.  
"I-I fucking looked up to you..." Zayd shook his head, trying to move back weakly but Derek wouldn't let him. "I miss you so much but you can't do this shit. You can just come back and suddenly try to be a dad when you've been running away from it for a year! It's not fucking fair! Where the fuck were you when we needed you!?"  
"I know, I know, I know..." Derek shook his head, so damn disappointed with himself. "I hope one day I'll make all this up to you. I miss you all so fucking much too." He pulled back a little and used his hand to lift his son's face up to look at him. "You have every right to be fucking furious with me. But please- I can't...Stiles..." Derek choked on his own sob as he tried to keep eye contact with Zayd without completely breaking. "Your Pa has gone through so much shit. Please stop going out like this, stop putting yourself in danger." His son was so incredibly smart but he was just 14. All it takes is one stupid smile and bad drink from some older kid - like that Senior - and he could loose Zayd forever. "Even if it's just to hurt me, then think of your Pa. He couldn't live with himself if anything happened to you or your sisters. I couldnt-" He cried then, because it terrified him to his core. With all the focus on Lily, his son was the one growing up. And the older he got, the more sick bastards there were out there and Derek didn't want to one day get a call years from now (whether he and his husband are divorced or not) to find out Zayd died; all because Derek started the boy off on a teenage angry bender when he was 14. And as much as the boy was so mad at him now, Derek knew he needed to hear that BOTH his parents wanted him safe.  
Zayd cried more at those word and couldn't hold back as he clung onto the man that had left him for so long, that he missed for long.  
"I didn't smoke..I promise..." He whimpered out as Derek hushed him gently and just held him tighter.

Zayd wasn't ready to forgive his father, he doesn't know when he will be ready. But he needed and wanted this so bad no matter how angry he was. He'll say sorry to Papa for betraying him though/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Think I'm getting back into longer chapters. Thank fuck for that.
> 
> Watcha guys think? Leave some kudos and comments, love reading them all and hearing people suggestions and hopes for this fic. Thank you for all the support so far it's really appreciated!


	22. Push Me Back and I'll Pull You Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles goes to his intoduction appointment with Dr Naeem and it isn't what he expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Although I did psychology for three years and attended therapy myself, I want to make it clear that once again this is fiction and that I myself am not a certified psychologist nor do I know what it's like to go to therapy for Stiles specific situation. So the interactions here are educated guesses at least and retrieval of information i learnt at best. So I accept if people think there are inaccuracies in the process.

Deep breaths...in and out...maybe try counting from 10? Or 100? These were all thoughts Stiles had while sat in the car with his dad, the older man watching his son carefully. Today was the day that Stiles would see the good doctor for himself. She had called last night to confirm their appointment to which Stiles had to agree and try hard to resist the urge reschedule. John decided to go with his son both for support and to make sure Stiles actually went in, even now as they sat in the car just outside the clinic, the retired Sheriff was nervous Stiles would run off. But fortunately, the man just wanted to wait in the car until his appointment time, that way he wouldn't have to sit in the waiting room for too long, having other people look at him and judge him.  
"How you feeling?"  
"Like I want to throw up." Stiles chuckled, trying for lighthearted but John saw the truth in his eyes.  
"Well, as long as you do it outside and not in my car then we'll be fine." He smirked, deciding not to call his son out. Stiles smiled appreciatively and looked back out the window towards the building. There weren't many people around as far as he could tell by the few cars in the driveway; rationally he knew that even if people were there, they would be for the same reasons he was going to be- to get help. They wouldn't (or shouldn't) judge him, but there was that little voice of everyone around him looking down their noses at Stiles that made the man want to curl up into himself. To just smile brightly at his dad and tell him that everything was fine, that he could just go home and forgive Derek and everything would be fine.  
Except that would all be complete bullshit and even Stiles, as he watched the time on his phone change from 8:58 to 8:59 am, couldn't deny that if he didn't at least give this a go then he would be letting himself down. Glancing at his dad, Stiles gripped the car door and pushed it open before getting out and walking straight for the door of Beacon Hill's Healthy Minds Centre and walked in with his dad close behind. He locked eyes with the receptionist at the desk that greeted him with a smile and asked what he needed.  
It would be weird to walk out now so Stiles sucked up his pride and told the women his name, date of birth and appointment time. No turning back now.

Stiles was given the okay to wait for Doctor Naeem in her office, that she would only be a minute. The room wasn't anything out the ordinary; there was pictures on the desk of family members, a typical long chaise sofa in the centre of the room with a few regular sofa chair seats opposite, a few doctorates and diplomas on the wall and a bookshelf. There were a few trinkets here and there, Stiles laughing gently to himself at the small crocheted octopus with beady eyes sitting on her window sill amongst other small animals. He didn't even notice the door opening as he held the small thing in his hands.  
"Good Morning Mr Mieczysław Stilinski." He jumped and turned around, fumbling with the small woollen object as he faced the women who held an amused expression on her face. "Did I pronounce that right?"  
"O-Oh yeah! I mean yes! You did! But please, call me Stiles." He stumbled out, placing the toy back in it's rightful place. "I wsn't snooping or anything!" He said quickly, blushing with embarrassment. Dr Naeem laughed softly.  
"No problem Stiles. I don't mind one bit." She replied, standing with her hands folded over each other as she waited by the closed door patiently. " My name is Rahdyiah, pronounced Ran-ni-ah. But Rani is just fine too. Please, take a seat where ever you like." She said, clearly waiting for Stiles to make the choice first. Not wanting to stress out too much over a damn seating arrangement, Stiles quickly took the cliched long chaise lounge chair in the centre. Looking up, Stiles watched the doctor sit across from him. Rani was a south asian women, quite old by the lines on her face but they aged the women gracefully. Streaks of greys highlighted her wavy black her, dull in colour but once again adding to Dr Naeem's appeal. The women looked wise and knowledgeable rather than someone wiped out from her job, which Stiles presumes Rani been doing a long time if she had experience with his mom and dad. Tilting her glasses up once she put her notebook on the table, the women turned her dark brown - almost black - eyes to Stiles. Too anxious, he spoke up first.  
"Um...So I don't really know how all this works." Great, now she's going to think he's an idiot.  
"That's fine." Rani replied, as if anticipating his answer. "These sessions are organised to your needs and comfort Stiles. The only thing I ask in return is, honesty, commitment and co-operation. " He knows she probably meant well but those three things already sounded like a lot for him to deliver. "All of those things should develop in time, as I gain your trust hopefully. I don't expect you to fully immerse yourself just yet. But understand that in the end, unless you are willing to work with me, then progress cannot happen." Which...was fair enough. Stiles could only imagine how hard her job must be listening to people come in about their problems only to not take her advice when she gives it. Rani was a therapist, here to help people. Not for people to come in to bitch about their problems and leave without solving anything like some shitty high school guidance counsellor or your best friend.  
"Understood." He said seriously, not wanting to waster the women's time.

"Excellent." She sat back in her seat, black tight clad legs crossed. "So Stiles, now we have that established, what do you hope to accomplish for yourself?" She asked and wow, right into it huh?  
"I mean...my family and husband-"  
"Before you answer, remember that I asked about you Stiles." Rani interrupted, continuing at Stiles confused expression. "We've talked a little about your situation on the phone and through email and if you wish for me to meet with your husband one day either privately or as a couple then that can be arranged for a separate session. But these sessions are about you- goals for yourself and how you want you want to feel at the end of our first 12 sessions. So again I ask, what do you hope to accomplish for yourself here?" Stiles..didn't know how to respond to that because it's never crossed his mind. He knows he wants to his family to get through all this, to be happy again and not be scared of Lily. He wanted to feel loved again like Derek used to make him feel. Was he meant to say all this or was that all for his family? What did he actually want. Rani was looking at Stiles as if she could see the debate in his mind, oh god was she a mind reader now!? "Contrary to popular belief Stiles, we psychologists cannot read people's minds." She giggled, that response not convincing Stiles in the slightest. "If you wish to understand something, or as a question, or work together in general then like many things in life you have to communicate that with me. Otherwise I will be working blind and off assumptions." She wasn't condescending, Rani wasn't even pressuring him just explaining that Stiles needed to trust in that co-operation she was talking about.  
"I...I've dedicated my whole life to my family." He began carefully. "I love them. My children...my husband...I want us to come out at the end of this happy or at least in a better place than we are now." The women nodded, patient as she listened to him. "I...I don't know what I want for myself specifically. I just don't want to feel like this..."  
"Feel like what?"  
"Helpless. Like if I make one false move, my whole world is going to fall apart. Because it's already going down and I don't know how to stop it. I just...I don't know a lot of things. And that is so fucking terrifying." Stiles couldn't stop himself, but it was all true. Every question in his mind about his marriage, his children, if he was getting a divorce- everyone around him from his dad to Scott and Lydia was so desperate for an answer yet he doesn't have one. The whole uncertainty of his situation terrified him to no end.  
"I see...how would you describe this fear?"  
"It's not paranoia!" Stiles stated outright, not wanting that damn label attached to him. He froze, scared his outburst upset Rani but again, she seemed calm and expectant of that.  
"People throw that term around a lot. Paranoia is a delusional state of persecution in which someone experiences extreme emotions such as unwarranted jealousy and exaggerated self importance. Although you may experience things similar to this, doesn't necessarily mean you have paranoia. " Rani explained gently. "I'm not saying you have paranoia at all Stiles. But that does bring up a point I want to address before we continue further." She said sternly, steeling him with a gaze that hit something deep in Stiles. "The form of therapy we will take is based on the principles of the ABC method and cognitive triad. We will be discussing activating events in your life which dictated your beliefs be the negative or positive and the consequences of those beliefs. From there we will see how those experiences have impacted your view of the world, yourself, and your future. Once there we will work to dispute negative thoughts an hopefully gain you some new skills, coping methods and behaviour patterns in a more productive and constructive manner. Are you with me right now?"  
"I think so..but why are you telling me this...?" It seemed like a very blatant explanation his his therapy plan which he never expected.  
"I am telling you this because it is going to be damn difficult Stiles." She said honestly, voice firm and strict. "You are sometimes going to leave this room hating me, hating yourself and everyone around you. I am going to challenge you and you are going to fight back with me and against me. You are going to discover things about yourself that you may not like or want to accept. See things about your family you are going to hate. If you aren't prepared to accept those facts then there is no point in continuing here on out." She said bluntly. "Are you prepared to fight me Stiles?"

How was he meant to respond to that? From the tv, therapy always seemed...pandering almost. The classic scene of the patient crying and then having some sort of epiphany in the middle of the session after their therapist asks one question and suddenly all their problems were solved. Here, Rani was blatantly telling him to leave he wasn't willing to get ugly. Stiles felt sort of annoyed and angry at that yet at the same time...he respected that. And even appreciated that she was speaking to him like a human being, not someone coming in here all broken up and needing to be handled like fine china. Dr Naeem was going to give it her all and dammit so was Stiles!  
"I'm prepared for that." He said, the same firm energy as her. It seemed to please the olive skinned women who nodded with a satisfied hum.  
"Good. Then i need to ask, I haven't gotten to know your feelings or situation fully so I can't give a direct diagnosis as of now, but if you were to have paranoia or depression specifically how would you feel about that?"  
"Like shit." Stiles bit his lip, having seen this circling back to the topic coming. "I already hate that I've been so weak to let my family down and need Therapy. I don't want some other label attached to me, people thinking i'm manic and can't take care of my children if I'm crazy."  
"Putting a name to what you may have isn't there to degrade you, Stiles. It's there so we can better understand what we're talking about. It comes with it's stigma yes, but I promise you nothing you share in this room will ever reach the mouth and ears of public gossip, you have every legal right to sue me if I break that oath." Rani smirked, Stiles smirked back. "In order to move on and progress, you have to accept what you have and work with it rather than against it, understand it instead of ignoring it."  
"That makes sense..." Stiles agreed, though hesitation clear in his body language.  
"Don't be scared. Like I said, I have yet to give a proper diagnosis and we'll cross that hurdle should be come to it." Dr Naeem told him. "Like I said, I'm prepared to challenge you, be prepared to fight back."

The session continued on like that for the rest of the hour, Stiles filling Dr Naeem in with basic details about his life before Derek and after, recalling vague details of the New Years Eve party and the space between him and his husband as of now. Next came the relationships with his children, Dr Naeem asking permission to check Lily's medical record just so she knows what the little girl has specifically and her progress. Everything was just basic background information that would come in useful when the time came and Dr Naeem addressing Stiles' concerns when he had them or at least when he felt like sharing them. From what he understood, he was being offered a flexible mix of cognitive therapy (the majority of his treatment) and a little behavioural therapy. There was also talk about Stiles maybe joining a group therapy session at least once for parents in his situation but Rani recommended they revisit that at a later date. Soon, there was only 5 minutes left of the session and Rani closed her notebook to look at Stiles.  
"So, given everything you now know, do you wish to continue Stiles?" She asked him. "Financially speaking, should you choose to stop now you will only pay for the one session and we will refund the rest of your money back. Should you choose to continue for 12 weekly sessions - excluding this one - then we will do so with no extra charge added to what you already paid. However if you choose to leave before the end of the 12 sessions then you will not get your money back." Stiles laughed at the exhausted look the women's face as she talked money.  
"I understand...um as long as it'll just be you, I think I want to continue..." He smiled a little. He trusted Rani to give him actual help and guidance, or at the very least help him make clear choices for himself instead of being stuck in this limbo.  
"Good. I'll book you in for next week then which to my understanding is to be our last face to face session as you will be heading home. From then we will move to online video call sessions. I ask that during that hour, unless I say otherwise or if I see it best to include them at that point, you have someone care for your children at that hour." Rani said as Stiles bit his lip.  
"That's another thing...I absolutely detest my husband right now so I'm not saying it will happen-!" He needed to say this just in case. "If...if I convinced him to come see you, would you be able to take us on as a couple therapist?"  
"I would recommend I have some single sessions with your husband first so he doesn't feel like there will be bias and so I get his perspective too," Rani felt miscommunication was probably a big thing between the pair so there may be things either side doesn't know about the other. "but yes, I would be able to be a couples therapist to the pair of you. However, my rule of co-operation, commitment and honesty still apply and would extend to the both of you following those principle with each other both in and out of the office." She warned, because again, if these men couldn't come to that point where they could communicate productively and brutally honestly then there would be very little she could do for them. They would both learn thing about themselves and each other they may not like. If they couldn't get to that level with each other and survive, Rani suspects reconciliation and redemption may not be possible. But it was far to early to call especially since she has yet to meet Derek, if at all. Stiles seemed to be taking the information in, the man wondering how he would even approach this with them barely speaking now. He got up, Dr Naeem following suit as she led him to the door.  
"Like I said Stiles, these sessions right now are between you and I and are only about you. Don't concern yourself with anything further than that." She encouraged, opening the door for him once he gave an affirmative nod. The brunette held his hand out to her.  
"Thank you. I'll see you next week?"  
"Absolutely." She smiled, shaking his hand before turning down the hall to get himself some coffee and to mentally prepare herself for her next patient

Stiles signed his name as he checkout of the clinic, his dad walking up to him from the waiting room and walking out. Stiles almost laughed at how obviously the older man wanted to question his experience and just gave him the go ahead.  
"So how was it? Do you want to continue? Is she alright? Too in your face? Too scary?"  
"You telling me she scared you when you first met her, Dad?" He chuckled, getting into the car as his father honestly pouted before getting in himself. "It was...fine. She gave me a lot to think about and I think I'm going to continue with her for now." He was given 'homework' to think about his own personal goals for therapy and that there was a difference between a goal for a his family and a goal for himself that could help his family. Stiles felt the pressure slightly, as if he had to choose the perfect one but Rani assured him that whatever he choose he just had to happy with, no one else.

Stiles felt lighter at the end of the day. His day had just started and he was already exhausted and they hadn't even gotten that deep into the conversation yet. But it was all a shock to Stiles that he was still doing this, that Rani wasn't going to let him come in just to bitch and moan and that there was an actual plan in place to attempt to help him. He wanted to give this a fair shot despite his reservations because if this was going to help him and his kids (maybe even Derek if Stiles could bring himself to talk to the man without wanting to kill him), then perhaps there was hope. For Stiles at least.

Because like Dr Naeem said, this was all for Stiles to get better. For those weekly sessions and that one hour, Stiles would allow himself to be selfish if only a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Put this at the beginning but just in case:  
> Although I did psychology for three years and attended therapy myself, I want to make it clear that once again this is fiction and that I myself am not a certified psychologist nor do I know what it's like to go to therapy for Stiles specific situation. So the interactions here are educated guesses at least and retrieval of information i learnt at best. So I accept if people think there are inaccuracies in the process.
> 
> A big thing that I remember while learning about the process of therapy is that rapport with the psychologist and the WANT to get better are very important factors for effective therapy. If you go, you have to want to be there want want to get better and be prepared to hear difficult things.
> 
> Thanks you for all the support and kudos guys (500 omg), keep commenting to share your thoughts and opinions. They motivate me to write and again, thank you.


	23. Hurt You More, Break Me Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles still feels a little raw from his therapy session by the time his Sunday evening with Theo comes around.
> 
> Theo makes his intention clear, because whatever he feels for Stiles, he knows he at least wants to be honest with the older man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for heated Steo moment. Either Suck it up and read or skip the heated part, important shit happens in this chapter so would really appreciate feedback.

Its a calm evening coming Sunday, Stiles sitting in his room pouting at his clothes laid out in front of him. Why? Because he was wondering what to wear to this...thing with Theo. Scott had called a few times to ask Stiles (interrogate him more like) questions on how he was feeling or where Theo was taking him to eat, reminding him that consent was a thing Stiles has and that Scott could tag along with Allison if Stiles was nervous. He knew his friend meant well but if Stiles ever needed space from the man, now would be the time. He calmly answered Scott's questions and put is concerns to rest, assuring him that he would give the young man a fair go because truly? Stiles didn't have a reason to dislike Theo. Clearly the man wanted something from Stiles, never hid that fact. What it was exactly he wanted was what confused the man- a one night stand? A relationship? Neither of which Stiles knew if he wanted or not. Maybe he should have talked about Theo in his introduction session with Dr Naeem, tonight could be a big deal after all and affect his actions from now. But he figured if anything big did happen, he would contact the good doctor right after or at least leave an email. Shaking his head, Stiles decided he was getting to far ahead of himself and just settled on something casual. Theo was just paying him back with burgers after all. No point in getting dressed up for that.

John walked in as Stiles was buttoning up a flannel shirt, paired with dark faded blue ripped jeans and black trainers. John smiled fondly, his son had been dressing much more relaxed since returning home. Usually when he saw him around the kids, Stiles was dressed more for the kids in clothes he didn't mind getting dirty, spat on or paint spilled on. So even though his son wasn't particularly dressed fancy, it was nice he was wearing stuff he actually liked instead of practical.  
"Dressing like a teenager again?" John asked with a soft chuckle as his grown adult son looked over with a pout.  
"Hey, I always wear these type of clothes!" He said as he followed his dad downstairs to wait for Theo in the living room. John shook his head as he sat down with Stiles on the couch. He wasn't aware of the situation with this young man coming over at least not in detail. But the man was curious about what exactly this night meant for his son; was he admitting the end of his marriage? Trying his luck with other men to make sure he was still attractive? Or even just simply, was this a date or not?  
"Dad just say it." Stiles interrupted the older man's thoughts, looking over at his dad expectantly. He's told John about working with Theo and that the man handles Lily now and then. Even the slight flirting his dad should know about but he knows the man will have his concerns.  
"Well...I'm sure Scott's already asking certain questions if he's the one that pushed this for you so I won't touch on the obvious and just trust that you know what you're doing." And that was that. John knows Stiles has pressure form other people (imaginary and real) and his own pressures. He didn't need his old bag of a father adding his two cents onto something that was essentially just a simple night out.  
"Thank dad..." Stiles bit his lip. "Do you think I'm making a mistake? I mean...Is it cheating-"  
"Don't start with that." His dad put his hand up, dismissing it instantly. "The way I see it, you've been with Derek since you were young. You married young as well and I don't fault you for that despite my initial reactions." Because as much of a taboo it may be to give the man any credit now, Derek was a good (even amazing) husband and father up until the past year when things started to go downhill. Hell, 22 years and no matter how in love Stiles may have been, if he had any regrets or wanted to live his life he might have missed, he could have divorced Derek long ago before they had kids. "You never dated anyone except Derek and again, I don't fault you for that. But I can't help to think that MAYBE you settled too quickly." He said vaguely, John wanting to be careful about putting ideas in Stiles already busy mind. "Tonight, you have no obligations to Derek. Go out and just have an open mind. If leads to anything then great, if the kids an ass you come home and that's the end of it. But in the end, just...enjoy your night out. Don't actively look for deeper meaning or predictions and just enjoy yourself in the moment. If things happen then they happen ya know?"  
Stiles watched his dad with calm expression, cracking a smile and nodding before reaching over and hugging the old man. Whatever happens, Stiles should just enjoy himself. After all, nothing wrong with a little fun.  
A knock on the door was heard and Stiles got up to go meet the young man at the door, John praying that this was a good thing and not something that sent his son spiralling again.

"Um...Theo? We passed the burger place." Stiles pointed, as the cab they were in drove past said building and was headed towards the outskirts of town, only thing out there being the preserves. The man besides him grinned.  
"Don't worry about it. We're still going to stuff our faces with grease. I just had something better in mind." He said, looking over at Stiles, changing the subject to calm the brunette's visible nerves. "You look good by the way."  
"I look like a hipster."  
"Almost. Just add a beanie and glasses. Though, I'm sure you would look even sexier." He smirked as the man rolled his eyes- exactly the reaction Theo wanted. It showed he was comfortable and trusted Theo but not completely. He would be disappointed if Stiles stared blushing and flirting back like some fake shy and quirky virgin. Speaking of, Theo really wanted to see just how skilful Stiles was in bed. The man had 3 kids and his body was still like that!? In his 40s too! So much to explore there. But he had to be patient. Stiles was still showing the hesitation of a married man and one that was weary of their flirty coworker who was suddenly inviting them out of town to an unknown place. Which was good, especially considering where Theo was taking them. He was more than happy with Stiles hesitation to exit the car as the cab stopped on what seemed like a random road just outside the forest. He had to get out first and open the man's passenger door for him.  
"I don't know..." Stiles frowned, noticing no one else around.  
"Come on. I promise I'm not some murderer planning to dump your body in the woods somewhere. Now a River on the other hand..." He laughed as Stiles got out to smack his arm, marching to the woods before pausing and looking at Theo, clearly realising that he didn't have any idea where he was storming off too. Resisting a smirk (and maybe avoiding a slap in the face next), the younger one of the two walked on ahead.  
It was maybe 10 minutes later of walking and the landscape starting to get steeper did Stiles begin to go from hesitant 'maybe I should turn back and run screaming' mood to a grumpy whining and annoyed expression. Honestly Theo could relate, he didn't remember the set up being this far away, was he leading them the right way or..?  
"Theo I swear to god, if this little evening hike of yours doesn't end with a cliff for me to push you off..." Stiles complained as the other man saw their destination up ahead and smiled, stopping to lend hand to Stiles, pulling him up.  
"I mean, I find that very hypocritical given your concerns of me being a murderer."  
"Shut it."  
"And there is a cliff..." He said, finally reaching a clearing and pulling Stiles along, satisfied when he heard the surprised gasp as what was set up for him. There in the clearing was a beautiful sunset just setting over the town of Beacon Hill, sky turning a darker twilight as the sun was almost down completely and painting everything with a glow of purple and reds. The town would surely be visible from the height the men were on and Stiles was almost positive he would see his house if he got closer to the edge of his wished for cliff. Instead, Theo led him to a blanket set up for a picnic, a basket full of food and Stiles was wondering how the hell he managed to keep everything so perfectly set up without any animals getting to it.  
"What the hell..."  
"Like it?" Theo asked casually, getting out a bottle of champagne that was resting in an ice bucket, most of the ice almost melted unfortunately, and poured them both a glass. "It's all worth the 50 dollars you paid, though I think I win some points for the priceless view but you don't have to pay me back for that." He winked, handing a shell shocked Stiles his drink. "Though I may have cheated because I cooked most of the stuff we're having. You still get your greasy burger but be nice since it's homemade." He continued talking about each dish as he got some thermal containers out the basket, explaining how everything kept warm. Also explained why no animals got to the food because the smell wasn't released until just now as Theo took the lid off everything and Stiles mouth watered. He was so hypnotised by the atmosphere and everything around them that Stiles almost forgot his inhibitions until he snapped himself out of it and placed his drink down quickly. Theo raised a brow at this. "It's not drugged if that's what you're-"  
"What are you doing Theo?" Stiles asked immediately. He knew dammit, he KNEW this wasn't going to just be a normal hang out or payback for the money. But all this...it was too much! He watched as Theo took a swing of his own drink, a few too many gulps to draw out time if you asked Stiles, before setting it down besides him on the blanket and smiled.  
"Try the bruchetta and some other stuff, then we'll talk."

Half hour later, despite the fact that the food was fucking delicious it didn't deter Stiles from his goal for information, even as he bit into the most wonderful piece of chicken pie he's ever tasted. Theo looked very confident in himself once Stiles turned around to face him. They had easy small talk for awhile but now the man meant business.  
"So what do you want exactly, Raeken? I know you've been dropping hints here and there but I don't actually know what you want. But you KNOW that I'm married and-"  
"And you don't know what you want evidently." Theo commented easily, Stiles narrowing his eyes at the man.  
"What the hell is that meant to mean?" He asked, but still accepted the olives offered to him.  
"I mean," He began, stretching out and getting comfortable as he lay back on the blanket, the moon now shinning bright above them. "You can give me the whole 'I'm a married man' speech. But when we first met, you dropped the hyphen from your name. A few times after that too when introducing yourself to the parents. And you even said yourself that you know I'm after something yet here you are. So I think the real question is Stiles is what are you doing?" He watched the man tense up. "I'll tell you what I want. I want to have a night with you. Plain and simple and honest. And what you want, or at least what you're doing here is that you're curious." He said, a smug look on his face that Stiles fucking hated. "You've told me that you guys have been married 22 years, which doing the maths means that you've been married since you 18! And that's not counting the years you probably spent dating which gets messy if get into the legal stuff-"  
"I don't have to listen to this." Stiles moved to get up only to be stopped as Theo grabbed his arm.  
"I'm not shaming you. I don't know what you're husband did, but it must be pretty bad if he isn't here with you now. So what's wrong with using me?"  
"Do you even hear yourself!?" Stiles said angrily.  
"I do. And I'm offering honesty." Still gripping Stiles wrist and pulling himself up, he moved to hold the older man by the shoulders. "You interest me. You're incredibly smart and don't take shit. Look at you now, most people would be falling to their knees by now out of spite against their husband but you are so goddamn loyal to clear scum. I want more than a one night stand." He admitted, watching the shock light up Stiles brown eyes for the second time of the night. "But if you just want a rebound, if you just want to release whatever pent up aggression you have then I am all for that. Don't you think you deserve to be spoilt for once?" He reached his hands up, his left rest on Stiles' cheek and his right on the back of the man's head. He leaned in slowly, giving Stiles enough time to pull back, to run, to say no and Theo would stop. He would take a step back, take Stiles home and they would never speak of this again. He would leave and respect Stiles boundaries unlike how he has not been doing purposely. Except that didn't happen.  
What happened instead is that Stiles shot forward and kissed him back instead.

He shouldn't be doing this. He knows he shouldn't and Dr Naeem would probably kick his ass for this but Stiles couldn't help but feel so vindicated. Because why should he? The man wasn't sure what this kiss meant but it didn't matter- Theo gave him permission to use him (his actual words) for whatever Stiles wanted. And Stiles...he wanted to use him to forget. Forget that stupid young whore that his husband kissed, so sick of seeing that same image in his head. The night that broke their family, the night that turned the light on all their problems that Stiles was blissfully ignoring, the night that his husband, Derek fucking Stilinski-Hale, totally broke his heart.  
And Stiles wanted to hurt him so bad.  
He put all his frustration and anger into this kiss. It wasn't kind, he was biting as Theo's lips, fighting the younger man's tongue as his partner groped at his ass. Stiles felt some strange kind of power even as he was the one shoved onto the ground with someone on top of him. Was this what Derek felt- this over confidence being with someone younger, someone who was trying to please you. Was Stiles not enough to him? Did he not beg enough during sex? What did his side bitch do better than Stiles? Theo was clearly enjoying himself, especially if his hard on meant anything. Stiles let out a groan at one particular grind against his hips, the man's lips kissing and biting along his jaw and neck almost desperately. Why the fuck wasn't Derek the one doing this to him? As Theo reached down to pull at Stiles jeans, the older man stopped him, pushing back on his chest.  
"Condoms?" He breathed out, panting from the fast pace they were going at. Theo cursed and groaned. He planned everything to the exact detail except the damn condoms! Maybe he just wasn't expecting his older co worker to agree to this. Doesn't mean he wasn't surprised when Stiles dragged him back in for a kiss but he didn't lay down on the blanket again. "T-That cab is waiting right?"  
"Y-yeah I paid him extra to just wait until we came down whenever that may be."  
"Good. We're going to a motel. The sleeziest one just outside town, maybe 20 minutes from here." He said, Theo watching him shocked this time as Stiles throw all the left over food and empty containers into the basket and standing up with it. He stared down at the man still sat on knees with determination. "Well? Come on. Grab your damn blanket and shitty ice bucket." Doing as he was told, Theo quickly followed the man down the steep hill and through the forest, both hastily throwing the picnic stuff into the back of the cab and almost tumbling in.  
The driver put up the separation slide, not wanting to see or get distracted by the two men making out at the back, specially when Stiles took Theo's shirt off. He just drove off to the motel the flannel kid asked for.

Monday morning and Derek yawned as he waited in traffic to return back to Boyd's home. He had dropped Netta off at school and Lily at Daycare- planning to go back soon after helping Boyd out with some wood work. Today, the man was especially happy because his son actually let Derek take him to school today. Zayd tried to play it off, staying this morning for breakfast because Erica made pancakes and then trying to casually ask Derek to drop him off today since he 'would be late if I walked it' today. Zayd hadn't gone out late over the weekend either and Derek likes to think it was because of their talk but maybe he was giving himself too much credit. They had some small talk about school and nothing much else- Derek was happy nonetheless.  
As he thought about what his eldest son might like for his birthday this weekend, his phone rang with a notification of a text from Stiles. Figuring he had time since traffic wasn't moving anywhere, he checked his phone.

Stiles: Pick me up form the airport right now. We need to talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually weirdly proud of this chapter so more than ever I really want feedback on what you guys think. XD Again, reminder because this chapter is probably gonna hit hard, the story is not over. Don't assume.
> 
> Thanks for all the support so far guys! Comment with your theories and suggestion because as you should know by now, comments keep me motivated to write especilly a long story like this.
> 
> Thank you so much and see you in the next update!


	24. I Can Hear The Quiet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles and Derek have a fight they should have had a long time ago. Everything comes ahead and conversations are had with a productive step forward. Not to forgiveness but hopefully something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all read the tags.

Derek drove silently with Stiles the passenger seat. He had gone to the airport as instructed, finding Stiles waiting at one of the pick points. The older man got out to ask Stiles questions- like why was he back early being the main one - but he stopped when he saw the furious look on his husband's face, the shorter man shoving his bag at Derek's chest and getting in the car demanding for Derek to drive them back to Stiles' home. Not theirs. Stiles'.  
The drive was silent but loud and Derek was reminded of the space between them and Zayd's words replayed in his head, anything Derek does now is just proof of what a shit husband and father he was. He can give himself all the pat on the backs he wants every time his daughter smile at him or his son doesn't outright want him dead, but the truth was in all the time Derek has had apart from his family; what had he TRULY done to prove he's changed and committed? Can he do anything? Evidently everything he's done means nothing where exactly is he meant to go from here? Even with Stiles, Derek had finally made him accept help and get therapy but he guessed he even messed up there is his husband was back now angrier than he's ever seen him.

"Pull up." Stiles demanded as they arrived at the house, Derek not even realising. Stiles got out the car but paused before he closed the door. "I am going to go in with my stuff. You come in exactly 5 minutes later. Understood?" He glared watching as the man still in the car nodded numbly. Derek flinched when the door finally did slam, shaking the car slightly.  
He was reminded of the night everything went to shit while he waited in the car. Stiles was so reserved and quiet. It scared Derek because of how different it was from the man he knew who struggled with a mouth filter suddenly shut down. Even the radio silence with very few words in between terrified Derek. But now, Stiles done feeling lost and upset and was now just angry- Derek doesn't know which reaction he preferred.  
Taking a deep breath, he got out the car the second 5 minutes was up and walked up to the house he hasn't been in for 2 months now. Stepping in side, he wasn't prepared for the vase thrown at his head and smashing right next to him. Closing the door, he faced Stiles ad knew that this whole thing was a long time coming.

"You fucking bastard." Stiles almost growled out, annoyed as Derek just stood by the front door like a fucking idiot.  
"I know..."  
"Don't say I know like that you asshole! You cheating fucking lying asshole!" He grabbed a damn candle stand off the coffee table and throw it at the man. Derek knew he was missing on purpose. "6 months right!? 6 months you left me here to go to some young bitch that bent over for you! And when you get called out all you can do is beg and say sorry?!"  
"But I am sorry-"  
"Shut the fuck up!" He screamed now, grabbing his hair and frustration. Was this meant to make everything better? Was Stiles just meant to smile and move on all because his husband said fucking sorry? "Say something then!"  
Derek swallowed hard with a dry mouth, unsure what to do with the mixed message. Keeping his eyes to the ground, he didn't even looked up when Stiles feet came into view meaning the man was now standing right in front of him. Stiles slapped him hard across the face and he should have expected this. This is what he expected to happen on new years eve. Stiles should have reacted like this and Derek would have been prepared to take it all. But after months of silence and vague responses, he wasn't sure what this anger meant to Stiles. One thing for sure, he didn't want his husband hurting himself further over Derek's stupid actions. After the 4th hard hit to his chest - Stiles crying out in frustration once more because it was so fucking unfair how built Derek still was at his age - the dark haired man gripped both Stiles wrists, stopping him from hitting him further. Again, so fucking unfair how strong this bastard was.  
"Stiles, you need to stop. This isn't you."  
"Bullshit! You don't get to fucking tell me how I can and can't react!" Stiles cried glaring up at Derek with tears now his face. He wanted to hurt this man, the one looking at him like he was everything that mattered in the whole world. Where the fuck was that look before? Stiles wanted to hurt him, to play dirty. And he knew just how to do it. "You weren't there for me and you weren't there for Lily. So don't fucking act like you-" He winched as his wrist was realised and the sound of a wall breaking resounded throughout the living room.  
"Don't. Stiles you can be mad about anything and everything else but do not fucking act like I just up and left the second Lily was born!"  
"You did!"  
"I did not!" Its been eating away at Derek since this whole thing started, the fact that there's this whole narrative of Derek just leaving his family for a whole year because it wasn't like that! At least not the easy black and white way Stiles seems to think. "I WAS there at the beginning. 3 damn months I tried hard! I was there every night you cried waiting for Lily in the hospital. I was there staying up with when we first brought her home and you couldn't sleep until she woke up in the morning and I would feed her while you rested! Don't you dare forget that just because it makes it easier to hate me!" Derek had lied to Stiles for months so the least he deserved was honesty right now and the truth of the matter was that Derek was pissed and frustrated just as much as Stiles. Mostly at himself for fucking everything up.  
"You fucking gave up on us! Why the hell didn't you talk to me!?" Stiles argued, Derek letting out a harsh laugh.  
"That's rich! How many times did you hide Lily's appointments from me and change them? How many times did you hide the letters from the hospital about you should come in because the doctors wanted to check up on you?" He watched the brunette's face contort with shock. "Yeah because you were showing symptoms of post natal depression right!? Every time I tried to talk to you YOU pushed ME away."  
"Oh so it's my fault you cheated!?"  
"Stop putting words in mouth!" Derek pushed Stiles back from him and Stiles wasn't having it. He needed to be in Derek face instead of letting the coward run off o easily and so he shoved back. Both men seemed to be in a strange tug of war for awhile until Stiles found himself trapped against the wall and Derek caging him in. Both breathing heavily and sadness present in their eyes. Derek looked close to tears and he rested his head against Stiles' shoulder, too scared to look at him. "I was so tired of fighting and trying to reach out. Every time I tried to get close to you or Lily it's like you didn't trust me to handle her, didn't trust yourself. What the hell was I supposed to do Stiles? Tell me!" He stumbled back as Stiles slapped him across the face again.  
"You weren't meant to fuck someone else!" He screamed at him. "You think I didn't know how fucked up we were!? Every time we fought, which ever one of us started it, I felt like shit. I knew we were crumbling and I wanted so fucking badly to talk to you about our baby-"  
"So why didn't you!?"  
"Why didn't you!?"  
"Are you fucking listening to me!? I did try! I was the ONLY one trying to talk without screaming!"  
"And you were the only one to completely fuck it all over and gave up on us!" Stiles rubbed at his eyes furiously. Silence fell over them again, but the air was thick with words still yet to spoken. "You think I didn't think about cheating?" He suddenly spoke solemnly. Derek's green eyes widened.  
"..You...You what?"  
"I'm not a damn idiot Derek." He said defensively. He knows people looked down on him for being a househusband, for 'giving up his independence' or whatever counter productive bullshit so called rights activists and social justice nuts tried to say. But Stiles was smart. Smarter than expected for someone who just had a teaching degree. He knew more than people gave him credit for. "I knew something was happening. You kept slipping up on your timeline when it came to when we last had sex. Staying out late for 'work' when I called your office and your receptionist said that you had left hours earlier than what you told me. Little things like that- you didn't hide it well Derek," Stiles was starring at the floor now, tears steadily falling down the sides of his face but Derek think Stiles was sad. No, this was still a man furious and hurting. "I thought I could ignore it first, then Lily's birthday came. And when you missed that I thought, 'oh well two can play at that game.' Hell I almost made a profile on those fucking nasty sights where married people hook up."  
"You wouldn't."  
"Of course I wouldn't. Because I'm not like you, you disgusting idiot." A fiery glare shot up to the taller man. "I felt so fucking guilty and deleted the profile the second I made it. I didn't even wait for messages or sent any out." He stepped forward, stabbing a finger to Derek's chest. "I didn't give up! I didn't run off when things got worse even though I was just as terrified and WANTED to get out! You lucky bastard-" He huffed out an empty laugh. "You had work and a new whore to escape to. I wish I had that."  
Derek knew he was scum, but he couldn't help but feel anger at the fact that Stiles almost cheated too. That's when he notice it...Stiles was wearing to many layers. It was hot today, boiling even. So why was his husband wearing a dark heavy turtleneck? As if noticing the look in Derek's eyes, Stiles grew alarmed but didn't even moved or fight back as Derek pulled him forward by the soft material and pulled down the collar. He revelled in sick satisfaction as he watched the look of utter betrayal on Derek's face as he lay eyes on the scattered hickeys and bruises around Stiles neck, one particular hand print around his throat.  
"What the fuck-"  
"Then again," He laughed cruelly once more. "That was when I gave a shit what you thought," the brunette leaned up to the slightly taller man until their nosed touched. "I don't owe you shit now."

That did it. Maybe it made things worse and there was no doubt he was a hypocrite, but Derek couldn't get over how someone had touched his husband. Gripping Stiles hair, he smashed their lips together. Stiles returning the gesture in the same unforgiving and unkind way, ignoring the slight ache in his back as he was slammed back against the wall, scrambling up until his leg were wrapped around Derek's waist int he position he knew drove his husband crazy- Stiles erection rubbing against Derek's abdomen while his ass was in the perfect spot for the stronger man to whip it out and fuck him like this if he wanted to. Stiles wondered if Derek's side bitch knew things like that. Letting his head fall back against their poor wall that already had a hole in it, the brunette groaned as his pathetic excuse for a husband tugged down at his clothes angrily to place his own marks over Theos.  
He doesn't know when or how they even managed it but they ended up upstairs. Derek just remembers pushing Stiles down onto the bed and their clothes gone. He definitely tore that fucking cheap ass turtle neck apart, just like he was going to tear the younger man up. Stiles was currently sucking his cock, licking up the side and getting under and overt eh head with teasing licks of his tongue. Derek was always big and even back they first got sexually active, the man was surprised at how easily the younger man deep throat him with little difficulty. Said brunette starred up at Derek with a sadistic smirk as he pulled back, a challenge in his eyes.  
"You sure you even remember how to do it properly? Or you used to some kid who doesn't know shit and is just happy with whatever lazy shit you do."  
"You act like I haven't gotten you pregnant 3 times."  
"Oh? Do you want a medal? How about one for abandoning said children?" It was down to this now, cheap pointless digs that were just to hurt one another. Derek didn't even bother finding the lube as he flipped Stiles over and just began rimming him. There was no build up, no romantic foreplay, none of that. But the primal need to fuck, not even have sex. To fuck. Stiles didn't want it sweet, he didn't want to be reminded of the good things about their relationship. He wanted this to hurt. After just 2 minutes of rimming and the younger man resisting to let out weak moans, he kicked his legs out at Derek. "Enough, I'm ready."  
"This is practically doing it raw." Derek didn't sound like he cared though.  
"Since when would you care?"  
"You're right. I don't." Stiles whimpered as suddenly he felt pressure against his back, Derek holding his down as he slowly slide in. It was so fucking painful, Stiles almost stopped- Derek wanted to him to just tell him to fuck off and stop. Their first time having sex in forever he didn't want it like this. But maybe they both needed it like. "Because that's who you think I am right? Just a man looking to get his dick wet now?" Derek groaned as he bottomed out. Stiles was always so good at taking him all the way without stopping. Luke never did that.  
"You're just as much as a whore as your young slut is."  
"What does that make you then? Sleeping with your husband who you claim to hate so much." And that was Derek's turn at a low blow- he didn't have to look at Stiles face to know those words hit him hard, because he still fucking loves the older man. Things would be so much easier if he did hate Derek. Things would be so much easier if he was just full of blind hatred for this man that knew his body so well. Letting out a hopeless whine as the larger man thrust hard, the younger one gripped the sheets of the bed they had barely used lately. Derek bit down on the back of Stiles neck, nipping and sucking at one patch of skin. He still has the placement of every mole on his husband's body memorised. "Beg, you know you want to." He whispered harshly, grabbing a pale hand reaching for Stiles' cock. "You come on my dick alone..." He hissed out. "Did which ever fuck toy you let have sex with you make you beg? Have you desperate to touch yourself?"  
"Did your slut ever make you come in 2 minutes?" Stiles tightened up, skilful and smirked as Derek's arms tensing up. In that small stupid place they used to live in and call home, Stiles once tied Derek down when he was overworking and stressed- handcuffed him and rode his dick for hours, Stiles taking breaks to sit back and finger himself while his husband watched. Derek was so over sensitive he became came at the slightest touch. Stiles did all that. He affected the man in a way no one else would, could control him in a way no else would. He said as much.  
"Only you Stiles..." He said gently, his anger dissipating as his thrusts got harder, Stiles quickly becoming a mess as he was caught of guard by Derek's gentle words, large hands coming around to front to pinch at pink nipples. "Always so sensitive," He praised as the man under him moaned loudly. "Always so good for me..."  
"S-Stop it..." Stiles cried out. He didn't want this dammit. Go back, he wanted to cry, go back to being angry. Go back to hurting. "D-don't start. Please..." He gasped, being pulled up and held against Derek's chest as the man went wild. Abandoning every restraint and drilling into his husband, Stiles was sobbing in pain and pleasure, sure his husband was trying to feel his own cock in Stiles' stomach- he was going deep enough that Stiles wouldn't be surprised if he did feel something.  
"No...I won't. I love you Stiles." This was playing dirty a different way now, why the hell was Derek saying this now? This was meant to be angry sex dammit. Now even Stiles couldn't help but reach his arms up and reach back, holding onto Derek neck. Said man titled Stiles head back at an awkward angle, not slowing down in with his thrusts as they breathed the same air.  
"You can't say that shit."  
"i have to." They kissed then, and it was still fulled by so much anger and heartbreak but less desperate. Closed lipped and eyes closed as Derek thumbed away a tear on Stiles face. Derek held onto Stiles hips to keep him up as the man started shaking slightly, a sign he was close. He reached down and wrapped a strong hand around the brunette's dick, stroking it softly as Stiles shook his head.  
"No no...You said on your dick-" Go back to angry he wanted to beg again.  
"I can't..not after so long-" The older one panted out, close to finishing himself as his own hips started to stumble in rhythm. Stiles was soon begging to finish but Derek didn't call him out on it.  
In the end, they both came together.

They lay in bed, Derek starring up at the ceiling and Stiles on the other side of the bed, his back turned to the older man. It was only 10 in the morning and yet in the last few hours so many things had transpired. They had both cleaned up, taking turns in the shower with very few words exchanged between them. Derek didn't want Stiles to go quiet again, he wanted to hear his anger. He wanted to hear how hurt he was because Derek has been walking blind to his husband's pain for months and if they were going to come out of this alive, he needed to hear the shit they're both too scared to say out loud.  
"What are you thinking?" He asked gently, turning his head to look at Stiles back. He knew the man was awake, Stiles had a prominent snore when he was sleeping.  
"I'm thinking I should have slept with Theo..." Derek shot up at that, prompting up on his elbows as the other man turned over to face him. "I didn't sleep with him. We got to the motel, got a condom. We were making out and it got rough but...I couldn't do it in the end." Derek felt a wave of relief at that but was quickly replaced with panic as the man started crying. He attempted to pull him close only to be held back by a hand on his chest.  
"Stiles..."  
"He let me. He fucking said I could use him and he wouldn't care. I didn't owe you shit! I could have had guilt free sex but I couldn't! All because I still love you!" Stiled sobbed, turning his head into his pillow and Derek could do nothing but lay closer to the broken man. "So how could you? How could sleep with someone so easily for months? How could you leave our family behind- I just don't understand..."  
"There's nothing I can say to make this better." He replied softly, starring at his husband's teary eyes as he peaked up from the pillow. "I was a coward. Plain and simple and there is no excuse no matter how scared I was. No matter what problems we were having with and beyond Lily." He admitted, Stiles now fully facing him, head against their red covered pillows. Again, silence as they let their words sink in, listening to each other like they should have done. Derek had to ask though, "Did you like this guy?" The one you almost slept with he wanted to say, but Derek was done trying to be pathetic and spiteful. What right did he have to be so?  
"He was an ass." Stiles replied simply. "Scott convinced me to give him a chance. This whole spiel about only knowing you my whole life. Other fish in the sea and so on." He shrugged before sighing out. "But he was honest. He didn't pretend to be something he's not. Told be straight up he wanted to pursue...something with me but that a one night stand was just as good too."  
"You're worth way more than that."  
"Am I?" He laughed cruelly at himself, the compliment sounding weak coming from Derek of all people now.  
"Yes, Worth so much more than a quick fuck. Worth more than to be run out on because I'm too much of an idiot." They had a similar conversation before Stiles entered college.

They were married at that point. But Derek knew that Stiles was still 18, he still had a life a head of him and marriage was probably the equivalent to some fairy tale fantasy for Stiles. It was their first REAL argument, Derek suggesting that Stiles go to college and date other people, annul the marriage. Stiles told him to go fuck himself, very maturely. He told Derek that he wouldn't want anyone else. Derek argued that college was where he would be surrounded by people who understood the boy better than kids in high school, ones who matched him in smarts and talent. He didn't have to settle for Derek and the older man wouldn't take offence if they broke up now and Derek just became a memory or a story Stiles would tell to his actual soul mate.  
He got every pillow and blanket in the house thrown at him then. Because Stiles Stilinski was not one for convention, he wasn't conventionally beautiful (Derek would argue be was beyond that), he didn't have conventional goals and of course he didn't love conventionally- Derek was his one and only and he was sure of it. Stiles went to college and lived off campus with Derek in their shitty studio apartment. He met people, made great friends, but every time he would return home and snuggle up to the man he was committed to.  
Derek wondered if that was still the case though, which seemed to be with the exhausted look Stiles seemed to give him.  
"I am telling you this one time so listen carefully Derek Hale." Stiles said steadily, voice still raw. "I am not dating anyone or even giving anyone else another chance while we are dealing with this understand?" Honestly he should probably give Scott this speech more than anyone. "My focus is myself and our family and helping the kids out of this. After that, I'll decide if I want to be single, be with you or fucking choose someone off the street and give 'em a go. But ONLY after all this is finished Got it?" He wanted to hurt Derek, but he's done trying to throw cheap shot and play dirty. They needed an actual plan.  
"Got it." Derek felt a sense of pride as Stiles saying that the focus was himself as well as their family. Usually he forgets about himself. Stiles nodded satisfied before laying his head back down again.  
"So where do you want to go from here?" Derek asked carefully. Stiles shrugged.  
"Where do you?" He watched the hesitant look the one older man's face, clearly wanting to say something but not sure if it was the 'right' answer. Derek knew what he wanted, but like Stiles said, the focus was their family, especially their kids who were innocent in all this.  
"I...I want you all happy." He settled on. "Whether that's with or without me in the end. I still want to be part of our children's lives. I want to be part of your life. But where my place is well...that up to you."  
"Don't be shitty and put that responsibility on me-"  
"I'm not." Derek sighed out, not wanting to fight. "But I need a direction Stiles. You wanted space and I gave that to you. I just...I don't want to hurt you anymore and I have no idea how to do that." Stiles sat up then, resting his head against the headboard and nodding stiffly. He's had his space, now he needed to suck up his pride and move forward if they were doing this. He wouldn't feel right if he was getting therapy and getting better while leaving his family behind on pause.  
"We need to set some ground rules."  
"Agreed."  
"But we need a third person." The dark head man furrowed his brows, confused. "The therapist you and dad sent me to....I like her. And I think we both need her."  
"Like couples therapy?"  
"No..not yet at least. Like I said, we need to focus on the kids and what's best for them while working on us before we decide on...us." Derek pursed his lips, having a feeling he knew what Stiles was going to ask. "Would you be open to that? Joining me in my video call session with her tomorrow so we can set some ground rules? Because being passive aggressive and avoiding each other...we're going no where."  
"Anything you want Stiles. I'll do it." Derek said honestly and that was that.

He didn't completely understand where they stood now. Derek knew that Stiles was over the silent phase and was now in the angry phase. He wasn't out of the woods yet and things would probably get worse before they get better.  
But as long as they were talking, as long as Derek wasn't shooting in the dark and hoping he hit a good target, then he was willing to do everything it took to just make everyone happy again. Like Derek said, with or without him in their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the reactions to the last chapter makes people understand why I will never let comments change my story and the direction it's going since so many of you want different things and that again, if you truly are certain of the ending you want and aren't open minded to how it will end or don't like how the characters are acting and will be disappointed STOP READING. FINAL WARNING. 
> 
> I'm glad some people are taking that advice despite how disappointed it makes me that they don't wait until the end to see how things play out, but again I would rather you stop reading if you can't handle it rather than keep reading and be upset when the story doesnt meet your expectations.
> 
> Once again, I am not justifying or downplaying actions like so many people are accusing me of (deleted 2 rude comments), these characters are once again not simply good or bad. They are just characters trying to navigate through a difficult situation and you all will not always like what they do at certain points like I know for a fact already some people are going to think Stiles is going to easy on Derek in this chapter while some will think he's not going hard enough.
> 
> I was going to update this tomorrow but like I said, comments motivate me and I woke up to almost 20 comments in my inbox and it really hyped me up to write this chapter Thank you so much for all the positive comments and different point of views. As frustrated as I get and want to give spoilers, I truly do hope you all stick around.  
> Thank you for the support so far and keep the feed back coming.


	25. Fight If You Give A Damn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boyd gives Derek some advice before the joint therapy session and Stiles tells Scott to back off a little.
> 
> Dr Rani Naeem has a few choice words for this couple.

Derek sighed as he sat in the garden of Boyd and Erica's home, sat on a chair with his friend besides him while everyone else was asleep. After getting dressed, he had left Stiles to go pick up Lily and his day went on as normal and filled with tension as usual. The pair decided it best that Stiles spend the remainder of his vacation in the house until Zayd's birthday- both so Stiles can have some actual time to himself and so their son gets a nice surprise the morning of his birthday. Tomorrow though, the older man would be meeting Stiles once more to join him on a video call with this therapist of his. Don't get him wrong, he was happy his husband was actively and independently working hard to help himself rather than keeping it all in and suffering alone. But Derek was ashamed to say that he was scared about this appointment tomorrow, scared it would just be an hour long session of this stranger dragging him through the mud over him cheating. This whole thing of getting a therapist was primarily for Stiles after all, so this women may have already built a relationship and bias favouring the other man. Not that Derek could blame her, he didn't even like himself right now. Most of their friends hated him and even his father in-law was back to square one about his opinion on Derek.  
He really didn't need another person telling him he's a piece of shit when he's very aware of it already.  
"Sooooo..." Boyd sighed heavily, shaking his head. "You had..sex..with Stiles."  
"Yup." He popped the end syllable.  
"You had sex...with the man you cheated on...angry sex."  
"Honestly felt more like hate sex on his part." Which was understandable. It turned messy near the end, because he knows Stiles loves him. He knows his husband wants to hate him more than he does and he should. Maybe Derek should have taken a step to the side when Stiles was throwing that vase at him- let himself get hit and spur the man on more to give him what he deserves. Boyd bit his lip, thinking about the situation his friend found himself in now.  
"So..what's the plan from here?"  
"He's not taking me back right now that's for sure. Or soon either." Derek had long accepted that fact. "Tomorrow we're talking to Dr Naeem together. He's emailed her about what we did and what we've talked about and she's going to help us set up a plan. At least get us in a place where...I don't know. Where we're at least talking again and the kids aren't suffering from being pulled between their parents."  
"That's good right?"  
"Should be." Derek mumbled, looking down at his hands. The darker man tilted his head in confusion but wanted to trust that whatever Derek had concerns over, he would be honest about them tomorrow. So instead of prying, he reached over and patted his friend's back to show his support but also to remind him:  
"You're not the victim here Derek." He began, feeling the strong man tense under him. "I know you know that. But if you're going to move forward with Stiles, you gotta let go of this fantasy of going back to everything being alright and starting from there. And you gotta be honest with yourself if you get annoyed or angry rather than feeling guilty for feeling so instead of giving answers you think will make Stiles happy. Because if he deserves anything it's actual honest communication."  
"I get that okay?" Derek hung his head, gripping his hair tightly. "But everything 'honest' is just going to make things worse."  
"That's not for you to decide." Boyd said sternly. He has been supporting Derek all this time because he knows the man can change and come back from this, but only if he understand the actions he needs to take. "Your family doesn't want you pandering to them, Zayd doesn't want you to 'act' like a father going through the motions of coming to his game and doing Netta's hair. They're all empty gestures in the end. Your son and Stiles want to know that when all this is over, you are still going to be there. And hiding how you feel like you're okay and understanding with the distance between you all is just fake and patronising to them."  
"So what you want to me to tell Stiles how I feel exactly?" Because all he's feeling is anger and regret currently, even when they were arguing a few hours earlier.  
"Yes!" Boyd encouraged. "If you disagree with something he says then say it! If he says something that wrong or isn't the full picture than tell him!"  
"That's attacking-"  
"No it's not! It's talking to him!" Both men have been avoiding difficult conversations for a long time. Maybe they shouldn't have had sex, but Boyd was happy to hear that they weren't going to avoid each other now. "It's showing that you want to FIGHT for this relationship. Not let him go and run away again like you have been." He watched the uncertainty in Derek eyes and Boyd got it, he truly did. Before him was a man who knew he fucked up, who knew that it was going to be hard road to make it up to the people he loved, but Derek had been playing it safe for awhile now. Doing everything he thought was right and saying everything he thought people wanted to here. He needed to grow a pair of balls and stop trying to look like the good guy who was working hard to make amends because as much as it all looked good on paper, all it was proving was that Derek didn't know the full extent of the impact his actions had. He knelt down to his friend who just looked lost and uncertain of the future.  
"There's a thin line between giving Stiles what he wants verses what he needs. You given him his space and showed your kids that you can act like a dad. Now be the husband and father they need you to be and actually prepare yourself to do the ugly work. Things that are going to make you look shitty but if you really care about them Derek, then you'll let go of your pride and stop using your guilt as stop crutch to gain sympathy and use it as motivation to do something! I know you can do this, man. Just try."

Stiles enjoyed a microwaved dinner as he lounged on his couch, too exhausted both emotionally and physically. After Derek left he had cleaned up the shattered decorative items turned weapons now smashed on the floor and cleaned the bed sheets. That was a rule he was going to set before even checking with Dr Naeem, no more sex. He didn't need sex to further complicate things between them or even risk getting pregnant again with their still to be seen relationship status. Which reminded him, he needed a talk about relationships right now with a certain best friend of his. As the episode of some shit drama series wrapped up, Stiles reached for his phone and called Scott up. Derek wasn't the only one he had to set boundaries with but unlike with Derek, Stiles didn't need help with this one.  
"Stiles? Hey man! Why did you suddenly leave!?" Scott's confused voice sounded through the phone and Stiles rubbed the side of his head, still not feeling up to Scott's judgement but then again he doesn't think he ever will be.  
"Hey Scott. I just decided to come home and spend the rest of my vacation here. I feel better knowing my kids are near me if they really need me." Which was still true, after his therapy session and Dr Naeem not having a problem with online sessions, Stiles was contemplating returning home early anyway. It just so happened that his date with Theo spurred him to make that decision easier though not necessarily for his kids at that point but he still felt better wit that added security. "I'm still staying home alone though. Kids are still staying with Derek, Erica and Boyd."  
"You should have taken Theo home with you!" Scott suggested and Stiles internally groaned at the cheerful tone of his voice with an edge of playfulness.  
"Did Theo not tell you how our dated ended? Or even what happened?"  
"He told me you said you weren't interested but don't worry! I told him it was just nerves since you haven't dated anyone but that asshole!"  
"Scott..." His friend must have heard the exasperated sigh he let out but took the wrong approach.  
"If you're seriously not interested then that's fine! Hey, how about Lydia sets you up with someone? I'm sure she knows someone-"  
"Scott! Listen to me!" This feels like deja vu back when Scott was pushing him to file for divorce. On the other end of the phone, Scott pursed his lips and waited for Stiles to continue. "I appreciate everything you've done for me alright? I'm serious, you've been away from your own family to deal with my family drama."  
"Dude, you know I would do anything for you."  
"I know that Scott...but as much as I appreciate what you've done, I get you're concerned, I need you to back off." Stiles said slowly, really wanting his best friend to understand. "Especially with this whole dating thing. I tried with Theo, he turned out to be an ass and I don't want to try again."  
"Over one bad date? Stiles that's why I'm saying let Lydia set you up. She can find someone better!"  
"That's not the point!" He tried to think about how to explain this. Because he did understand what Scott thought, he's heard it for years from all sorts of people when they find out that Stiles got married at 18 to a man 5 years older than him. If Derek and him were high school sweethearts of the same age, he know people wouldn't look at him with pity or disgust. Everyone from their family and friends get this narrative in their head of the poor lonely high school boy falling for an older man out of desperation and vulnerability and doesn't know anything beyond Derek Hale. Stiles wasn't dumb, he can see how it looks like that on the surface, he can see that Scott and his dad would want him to 'explore' his options before he married Derek, hell even the older man himself almost divorced Stiles right before he went into college to give him that opportunity.  
And that right there was the problem. Everyone had heard a few facts about their relationship, focused on the age difference and Stiles less than joyful time during high school and connected the dots to make up a story that made sense to them. Of course Stiles had to be with Derek for 22 year out loneliness, of course Derek must have moulded or manipulated Stiles into the relationship, of course Stiles must be after some kind sugar daddy fantasy- because the idea of the young man actually loving someone like Derek was too hard to believe and accept.  
"Scott...I don't want to date anyone period. And before you say it-!" He could practically hear Scott's mind spinning up some strange scenario in his head. "I am not getting back together with Derek. That's not even an option right now or something I'm even considering. What I am doing is focusing on myself and my kids. I don't need some stranger, good or bad, coming in between that right now. Maybe months from now I'll give some dude a chance-" or give Derek a chance but again, it was too early to predict where they would be in their relationship at that point and he didn't want to say it aloud to Scott either. "But right now is not the time. I should never have gone out with Theo and you need to stop pushing this idea."  
"Stiles..." It was his turn to sound annoyed and fed up. "I'm sorry I tried to push you onto the first guy that was interested. I only meant well."  
"I know."  
"And I do hear you. I won't push for you to start dating again when you're already dealing with a lot. I'm seriously sorry about that." Stiles knew there was a 'but' coming, still it was nice to know Scott did feel sorry. His friend was always honest with him. "But...You settled for Derek. I know you don't think you did but how do you know? You didn't give anyone else a chance after him! You went to college MARRIED and committed when that's the time people grow and find themselves!" Scott sighed gently. "I just... I just need you to remember that there is a life beyond Derek. People are interested in you and would treat you better. Just...whatever you decide at the end of this promise me that you won't just ...settle for Derek. No matter how you feel, when you make that choice please just promise me it won't be out of some fear of being alone."  
Stiles could understand that. As long as Scott would leave this alone and this is the last time he would have to hear about this topic for now at least, then he could promise this. They were valid points.  
"Okay. I promise."

"You ready?" Stiles asked Derek, setting up the webcam on his laptop and the angles right as Derek came in with some water. He grunted in affirmation as he sat down on the living room sofa with Stiles, keeping some space between them but staying close enough to appear on camera before setting the glasses down on the coffee table. Derek had been quiet when he arrived this morning, the kids in school and Lily with Erica and Boyd. He didn't say much except a greeting and Stiles wondered what was going on in the mans mind. It kind of reminded him of what Derek was like when they first met before he became the apparently charismatic and charming man that other were now attracted to rather than running from.  
Both men quickly straightened up as the chime of Dr Naeem video calling rung out. Stiles accepted the incoming call, smiling as the elderly women appeared on Camera, sat on her desk and smiling back at the camera.  
"Good morning Dr Naeem."  
"Stiles, good morning. Lovely to see you again." Rani's gaze turned to Derek sat besides Stiles. "And you must be Derek. Pleased to meet you, I'm Dr Rahdiyah Naeem. You may call me Rani."  
"Nice to meet you Dr Naeem..." Derek replied gently. Rani was looking to the side of the camera, probably checking Stiles email he sent last night explaining their current situation and recent events. It took a few minutes of just waiting and watching the women reading before she looked back to the camera.  
"So lets get started. I first must ask you two very simply, what is your goal in the next few months? Where do you want to be in your current predicament with your family?"  
Both men shared a look and Stiles seemed to be the one having to speak for them which was a strange dynamic.  
"We're both in agreement that our focus in the children, we want to be in a place where they're not scared or nervous around us. We also want to get to a point where we can speak more to each other without getting upset..." He said uneasily and Derek sitting there nodding at everything didn't help as much as the man probably wanted.  
"Derek do you agree?" Rani asked, clearly not going to accept a nod as an answer. The older man cleared his throat and said a clear yes but nothing more. Rani took note and then continued. "And then your relationship with each other, what do you two want from that and how do you see it in a few months?"  
"I think we just want to focu-"  
"Focus on the kids, I understand that Stiles." She said steadily. "But we discussed that putting yourself first apologetically must also be a priority for you. And understanding where you both stand in the goals for this relationship, which can be changed and adapted with time is needed, is a good place to start so even while you are focusing on the kids, you don't have this fear of the unknown weighing on you." She explained, a calculated gaze on both the men, particularly Derek who seemed to grow an interest in this topic. She repeated her question again and this time, Derek was the one who answered first.

"I want my family back." Derek said, avoiding the shocked look he knew Stiles was giving him. "I...that's what I honestly want. And I'm not saying this to put pressure on Stiles or try and convince him to take me back-"  
"No one is saying you are, Derek."  
"- But I want my husband back. I know it won't be easy but I don't want anyone else. It sounds like bullshit coming from me given I fucked off and cheated but that what I want more than anything. I want to work to earn Stiles trust back as well as the trust of our kids. I want to spend every moment I have showing that I do love my family, not from guilt but from actual love." He starred down at his clenched fists, against his knees. Derek didn't want to trap Stiles into thinking he had to forgive Derek but Boyd was right- what was pretending like he was okay with them heading for a divorce doing except giving up like he did before? He tunes in enough to hear Dr Rani asking Stiles his answer to the question.  
"Remember Stiles, this is your honest answer. Derek said his piece but you're under no obligation to share his view of reconciliation of this relationship if that's not what you truly want." Stiles answer would definitely impact the steps the couple takes from here, but Rani would be pleased either way as long as everyone's cards are on the table with no mistake or deception. Stiles seemed conflicted before taking a deep breath. Despite these terrible events the past year, Stiles still has years of love and commitment shared with this man besides him, does that make him weak for still loving even after everything he did? He knows Scott and their friend would encourage a divorce, he knows his dad would support whatever Stiles chose and he also knows his kids need both their parents in their lives. But what did Stiles want?  
"I...I don't see a future for us right now." He began carefully. "Not one where we're living together and happy as we were. But I can't just easily give up on what we have either."  
"Understandable." Rani replied with no judgement in her voice. "You've expressed in your email that you two have engaged in sexual activities last night which prompted this little meeting, correct?" She resisted an amused smirk as both men blushed and nodded their head in embarrassment. "I think it goes without saying then that the first step is putting an end to that- although sex can sometimes be healthy between even the most dysfunctional relationship, I think between you two it will only work against you. So for now, no sex. Agreed?" She continued once they nodded again. "Next, You both desire different outcomes as of now, which isn't ideal but it is something we can work on." Rani clicked away at the computer and turned back to them, her gaze on Stiles. "Stiles, you said in your email that you don't wish to pursue a relationship a relationship with anyone while in this process. Derek do you feel the same?"  
"I don't want anyone except Stiles."  
"And that will be out next rule then." Rani decided, both men looking at her with surprise probably for different reasons. "I am not saying Stiles should 'date' you Derek nor pursue a relationship with you." She noted the disappointment in Derek's face as well as the relief AND hesitation in Stiles. "I do however want you both to re-frame from pursuing a romantic or sexual relationship with other people for the time being if this is what you both a truly dedicated to, but i want this for different reasons. Stiles, you are developing a life beyond your family with your job. I want you to continue that and expand further, join a club or get a second job even just focus on things you enjoy at home. But I want you to in a sense experience the 'single' independent life to prepare yourself for the outcome of a divorce as well as maintaining a relationship status of marriage as currently you don't wish to officially separate. However, understand that as of now, you are only married in name and license. Aside from your request to not date others, you have no marital or relationship obligations to Derek. Understood?"  
"Yes Dr." Stiles smiled a little at that, feeling like that was a nice medium for him. He didn't want to forgive Derek, just letting him back into their lives as if nothing went wrong, but he's honestly not ready to call it quits with their relationship either. Rani then faced said dark haired man who looked crushed by the instructions given to his husband,  
"As for you Derek, I want you to give Stiles time to enjoy the new lifestyle without pressure of what you want." She said carefully, watching the desperate man listen to her. "If you are serious about what you say about being committed to this marriage then as I said I do not want you dating other people either. I understand that this may be especially difficult for you because as you heard Stiles is unsure if you two will even remain together at the end of this, a fact I'm sure you are aware of too. So my question to you now is, are you prepared to essentially put your personal love life on hold even if it means that in the end, Stiles may reject you and ask for a divorce no matter how much you claim to love him?"  
"Yes absolutely." Derek answered without hesitation. He had accepted, or was learning to accept that Stiles would end this any time he wanted and it terrified Derek, froze him to his core. He pathetically hoped that for whatever reason Dr Naeem would recommend...he doesn't even know, a date night or something to bring him and Stiles together;. But real life doesn't work like that. Derek needed to hang on and show he was dedicated to working hard, besides he meant every word when he said that Stiles was it for him- not dating other people for a few months, hell even 2 years, wouldn't be problem.

Satisfied, Rani moved on. "Which brings me onto the next thing which relates back to your primary concern you two share: the children." She brought up the information Stiles had provided on her computer. "Netta's health has improved immensely and as much as you two are concerned given the amount of appointments I see booked here, you have nothing to worry about and I would even go as far as to say she has fully recovered. But I understand if you two still have your reservations." The pair on the camera tensed up but seemed to visibly relax once Rani was done. "Netta is one of my concerns, as a young girl she will need both her dads around to guide her in different ways and she is at a stage where she will understand that you two are fighting but won't fully understand the extent of what is happening." That seemed to strike a cord with both of them. Rani can imagine that while dealing and worrying about Lily, Netta may have been on the back burner. Clearly not forgotten but may not be considered as much as she should be. "Finally Zayd, 14 turning 15. Impeccable grades and school record. He is at that age where he will understand better than his sister about your situation. However, it's important to remember that he is still a child himself and when you two talk to him about what's happening be considerate to use the appropriate language and not burden him as some kind of third adult in all this." Rani sat back and watched the pair exchange a look.  
"The kids have been staying with me the past week.." Derek began, Rani telling him she's aware. "I...I made a step with Zayd. But I know he still resents me for what happened."  
"And that is what I finally want to talk to you about." Rani said, sitting up as if preparing her final statements. "I want you both to have better communication with each other and especially with these kids. I don't want any back stabbing, turning the kids against the other, trying to buy their favour in case the worst comes to worst." To her knowledge, the two hadn't done something like that as of yet so that was a positive thing. "You're both adults, despite your problems and tension, you can still talk to each other. For now, work on spending time with the kids separately, organise with actual words and sentences between you - on call not just text - designated times when and who will spend time with them. I want clear communication. When you two have developed this in a few weeks and seem to figure it out, we will progress to the next step. Is everything I have explain understood? Do you both know your roles?"  
"Absolutely." They replied confidently. Thinking it was the end, Stiles began to say goodbye and turn the camera off until Rani stopped him and turned to Derek.  
"Derek, I want to begin having online sessions with you as well as Stiles. Would you be open to that?"  
"Yes ma'am..." Derek said, a little unsure of himself.  
"Excellent. Good day gentlemen." With that Dr Naeem hung up the call, her camera turning off and Derek and Stiles almost collapsing in relief.

"So Zayd is going out for his birthday this weekend with some friends." Derek told Stiles at the door just before he left. "if you want to drop by before he leaves, or surprise when he gets back I'm sure he's appreciate it."  
"Alright." Stiles replied, nodding his head a little too much as they stood their awkwardly. "Um..what you said about wanting to get together again...That was a dick move."  
"I know. I didn't want to lie though."  
"Right, because you've never lied before right?" Stiles narrowed his eyes slightly but shook his head. "Never mind. Just go. I'll tex-...I'll call you in a few days." Derek accepted that and walked out, Stiles closing the door so he didn't have to watching him leave.

Stiles was upset but at the same time, he was glad they were headed somewhere now. He's happy they would be fixing thing with their children slowly. He was still so fucking mad and as much as he wasn't prepared to hear aloud that Derek wanted to stay together- he knew. He knew his estranged husband wanted their family back together beyond just surviving all this. However it seemed that at the same time, Derek wasn't going to push it, but he was going to be honest and fight for their family. It hurt, it was a move that caught him off guard.  
Yet to know Derek was fighting and trying to make their family happy again beyond empty gestures just as much as Stiles was (although with slightly different goals in mind) by getting himself help, it made him happy.

Still, Stiles wasn't going to make it easy for the man. No way in hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One thing about couples therapy is you need one that is neutral that isn't going to be just another person to attack one spouse over the other. They are there to be a guide and help, not another weapon to use against each other or someone to spur on your negative emotions and validate your irrational thoughts and feelings.
> 
> Thank you for all the support. Again, I was motivated by the overwhelming response to the last chapter to post a third day in a row. Thank you for all the feedback and kudos so far and keep it coming.


	26. So You Do Listen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles find out Zayd lied to him and how he still has conflicted feelings he's struggling with.
> 
> Derek hopes his therapy session goes well and that Zayd likes his birthday present.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Zayd almost jumped as he came down the stairs, Netta squealing excitedly as she clapped with Erica holding Saffron and Boyd holding a cake behind him while his baby sister squealed in his dad's arms. It was Saturday evening and he had spent all day out with his friends and was planning to go out with them again now, until Derek had told him there was a surprise for him tonight. Feeling bad he missed Boyd and Erica this morning on his birthday as well as his sisters (too focused on leaving before seeing Derek) he gave in and cancelled his plans.  
He hasn't exactly been outright rude to his dad since last friday, the boy was going out less and if he hung out with anyone it was his lacrosse captain for after school study session- because apparently Zayd was smarter than the senior and was essentially tutoring him. Still, Zayd wasn't exactly kind to his father either, still ignored him and avoided him around the house when he could. To say he was surprised his father even organised a surprise for him was an understatement. Even now, while holding Lily, Derek was almost leaning to the side as if trying to separate himself from the rest of the group, probably thinking that that's what Zayd wants.  
"Hey guys. You really didn't need to!" He laughed gently, smiling as he went to pick Netta up.   
"Of course we did. It's your birthday!" Erica said, coming over and kissing his cheek as Boyd held the cake out to blow out the number 15 candle. Derek came over quietly and averted his gaze when his son faced him.  
"So...You got two surprises. First one-" They were interrupted by a door knock. "Ah..okay you're second one is here first I guess." Zayd raised a brow and went to the door to open it after placing Netta down, the little girl following him out of curiosity. His mouth dropped in shock as Stiles stood at the door with his arm open for a hug. Zayd practically catapulted into the cheerful man's arms, Netta screaming happily as she hugged his legs. Derek came over with a whining Lily squirming against him to reach for her Papa.

"I missed you guys so much." Stiles smiled brightly, Derek admiring it since he hasn't seen such a smile in a long long time. He handed Lily over gently to the man who littered her face with kisses. The brunette then faced the birthday boy. "I came to take you out for your birthday dinner. That is, if you don't plans-"  
"No! I don't!" Zayd told him quickly, excited and less annoyed at Derek now for convincing him to cancel his plans with his friends. "Even if I did, I would totally rather go out with you Pa!" Stiles laughed at his enthusiasm.  
"I wanna go too!" Netta cried, caring more about his Papa coming home rather than her older brother's birthday. She ran off to put her shoes on while Derek silently got Lily's coat, guessing she would be off with them all too. Stiles watched him carefully and knew the man was probably upset that the kids would be leaving now. Zayd gazed at his father hesitantly and Stiles took note of the strange atmosphere between them. The muscular man looked up, finally noticing the gaze of the other two men and forced a laugh and smile.  
"What's up?"  
"Um...nothing.." Muttering, Zayd changed the subject. "You said you had 2 surprises for me...?"  
"Ah well this was the main one." He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "You can have the other one later tonight if you want." Most likely Derek would probably have to send if off with Stiles instead, guessing their son would head home with Stiles after their dinner and come get his things later. Anything to get away from Derek right? 

Nodding at the response, the newly turned 15 year old turned around and headed towards the car, leaving his two parents alone on the porch with his baby sister as they waited for Netta to get ready, the little girl probably getting her hair done by Erica for such a special occasion. Stiles held Lily close to him- god he just fucking missed her so much. Lily was responding happily to the man by tapping his face with her hands and making pleased little gurgling noises. Derek leaned against the doorway with a soft smile until Stiles faced him.  
"...Do you want to come?"  
"You don't have to invite me out of pity Stiles. Zayd doesn't want me there and you know it." Whether the boy didn't want him there out of hatred or because of principles the man didn't really know. Maybe both.  
"You're right." Stiles settled, because why fight it? He may feel sorry for Derek but at the same time, the man had a whole year of missed birthdays and other occasions to make up for. He certainly wasn't going to invite his husband out now that he's suddenly gracing them all with his presence out of guilt. Netta soon came skipping out, a cute little red dress and matching sparkling shoes ready for him. Leaning down, Derek kissed both her cheeks before standing up and doing the same to his youngest daughter. He genuinely felt blessed to have two girls.  
"Daddy not coming?" Netta asked her Papa, blinking up between the two who shared a sigh but the older man decided to be the one to explain.  
"Daddy is busy tonight princess." He started, tilting her head up and smiling gently. "But have lots of fun with your big brother and Papa alright? I'll save some cake for you." He winked at her, the little girl cheering before running off to the car with Stiles.  
Derek watched his family get into the car and drove off- he seemed to be doing some variant of that a lot lately.  
He hoped it wasn't a sign of something yet to come.

The small family of 4 arrived at a nice little arcade pizza place. Zayd chose it and Stiles offered to take him somewhere more grown up but the boy wanted more fun. Besides, Netta had never been to such a place either. They entered the blue and purple strobe light lit building. Netta gasped, clearly wanting to run off towards the little kids area the second she saw it. Stiles chuckled but convinced her to sit down and wait until they ate first, taking a seat with his children at a booth as someone on roller skates came over. Zayd's eyes widened.  
"Captain Stephen?"  
"Hey., it's the birthday boy!" The tanned boy greeted with cheerful smile. Stiles knew he recognised their waiter from somewhere, he was the Senior he knows Zayd hangs out with a lot. Lily giggled as the older made faces at her before her Papa placed her in the high chair provided. Stephen quickly shook Stiles hand with a kind smile. "Nice to meet you sir. Stephen West, your son's lacrosse Captain." He said politely and Stiles couldn't help but grin as certain scenarios came to mind for for his son's sake he didn't tease and just greeted the boy back.  
"Nice to meet you Stephen." The older boy winked at Netta who blushed after being caught staring. Pulling out a pad out, the boy wrote down the families order.  
"Okay, so that's the food and drinks. Ice cream for dessert and one carrot cake on the house for the birthday boy."  
"We didn't order a cake! Ice cream is just fine!" Zayd pouted when Stephen just dismissed him and rolled off. He looked over to his father and groaned seeing the look in his eyes and gave the man a look of his own back in warning. Stiles just laughed.  
It was easy conversation most of the night to say the least, their food came in 10 minutes and Netta quickly ate up before running off to play in the supervised children's area. Lily was playing with her food when she wasn't taking fistfuls and smashing it into her mouth while Zayd was just simply content to stay by is Papa. Stephen soon returned with the cake as promised, Zayd pouting the whole time but was forced to thank his generous captain by his Papa. The older boy laughed.  
"Hey, consider payment for letting me smoke last Friday...." He trailed off when he saw the look of abort on the younger ones face and a confused expression on Stiles. "Anyway...Busy busy! I gotta go-" He wished the dark haired boy happy birthday once more before skating off to some made up customers on the other side of the building. Stiles raised a brow at Zayd who knew that meant he was found out.  
"Okay...so MAYBE I lied on the phone to you when I said I wasn't out late when you called...and every other time on the phone before then.."  
"Zayd!"  
"I'm sorry!" The boy whined and quickly explained that he didn't do anything stupid. He didn't even drink one drop or smoke even if his friends and teammates were doing so. All he did was find a quiet place to be by himself for a few hours and relax- an empty bedroom with a place outside. After his spiel about Stephen just keeping him company last Friday, Stiles seemed to calm down but also looked amused. He was no stranger to being a teenager and sneaking out, he didn't exactly expect his children to be any different as they get older. Still, he did find it funny that even when his son did sneak out, he didn't even do it properly.  
"What's the point of sneaking out to a party if you're going to..well party!" Stiles teased, faking disappointment as Zayd rolled his eyes.

"Honestly it was just so I could get time for myself...and to piss of Dad."  
"What do you mean?" Stiles paused in his amusement at that.   
"He let it go for the first 2 days, then he ambushed me when I came back late one time. Talking about being worried and all this shit..." He grumbled, poking at his perfectly good carrot cake. "Like he has any right to tell me what to do with all the crap he's pulled. Then he has the nerve to show up last Friday and- UGh!" He couldn't think about that shit again.  
Stiles listened to his son talk and just felt...sad for him. Clearly that isn't all that happened last Friday. Remembering what Doctor Naeem said about how to talk to the kids and not put them against their father, Stiles took notice of Zayd's conflicted stance. Even when he spoke, his anger sounded forced.  
"I'm sure your Dad was just worried." He offered. "I know I would be if you were out liked that and I had no idea where you were and you wouldn't tell me."  
"Good. I wanted to piss him off, I wanted to worry him." Again, Stiles could hear how the anger sounded forced. His son was mad at Derek, had every right to be. But that was still his father, one he once looked up to and put on a pedestal. Though that makes the disappointment of what happened greater, it also meant that the love the boy still held for man was also great. Zayd doesn't just want to give in and make Derek seem like he could get away with what he did but at the same time...Stiles can't deny how happy his son was a few weeks ago when Derek showed him at his game. He knows Zayd probably tried to play it off like nothing but it wasn't a big deal to him- but it was.  
"Zayd...Do you miss you dad?"  
"What?" He felt a lump in throat start to form a little at the mere thought of it. Of course he missed Derek. He's BEEN missing him for months, almost a year.  
"You're allowed to be hurt. You don't need to me to tell you that. But don't hurt yourself for the sake of being angry."  
"I told you I didn't drink-"  
"Not what I meant." He reached his hand over with a deep sigh, not truly knowing how to navigate through this without accidentally invalidating his feelings or forcing him to do something or feel some way. "Remember that talk we had? About how it;s okay to feel how you do as long as it's your feeling and not ones you're forcing yourself to feel just for me?" He watched the boy nod before continuing. "Same goes here. Zayd, I don't know how I am going to forgive your father or when. But what I feel is going to be different from what you feel. There isn't some timeline for forgiveness- like telling yourself you HAVE to be made 6 months or something before you forgive or let go. If you're already there before me, then go for it."  
"I'm not though! At least not completely..." He looked up at Stiles looking so lost. "He walked out on us. I'm so mad about that."  
"I know."  
"I want him to pay, I want him to understand that he can't just act like a dad when it's convenient for him or when he feels guilty!"  
"Understandable."  
"But...." He looked conflicted, like it was a crime for him to admit this. "Even though I didn't talk to him or do anything with him these 2 weeks...it felt nice that he was back. That...I knew when I came home he would he here. I liked that there was breakfast made for me-" even if he threw it in the bin right in front of Derek, " I like that he would drop me off and pick me up for school. I liked that he came to my game..."  
"And you're allowed to feel happy about that." Stiles tilted his head at Zayd. "I'm not going to be mad or feel betrayed if you do. Bottom line is he's your father Zayd. and although we're going through something difficult, you're allowed to feel how you do without any guilt. Feeling happy when he does something you like isn't the same as giving him the okay about what he did, or giving him permission to do it again or hell, it isn't even forgiving him. It's being happy that your father has done something for you. That's it." Stiles leaned over and kissed his head, brushing away a stray tear on Zayd's cheek. The boy had gone still and quiet but nodded stiffly.  
"Thank's Pa..."  
"You're welcome. Now, answer honestly: Did you want Derek to come today and you just acted like you didn't to get to him or felt like you had to say no?"  
"I...really didn't want him here. Genuinely." He confirmed after calming down and Stiles nodded accepting that. Zayd and Derek would have to talk soon down the line, once Zayd was at a point where he felt he was ready for answers and maybe forgiveness. But right now, Stiles understood his son would have mixed emotions, going in and out of loving Derek and hating Derek and then hating himself for feeling how he does- Stiles job right now was to assure Zayd his feelings were valid no matter how many times they had to have the same conversation and Derek's job was to not let Zayd down and set him back to square one. "I do want that other surprise though..." He laughed with light teary eyes as Stiles laughed with him.  
"Well it is your birthday. You can have whatever you want. Maybe that Senior will give you a kiss on the cheek if you ask him nicely..."  
"PAPA!"

Derek was working with Boyd on a dinning table with Boyd back at the house. Honestly, Derek felt he was getting the hang of it and doing pretty good too. He wasn't on Boyd's level yet as Erica liked to remind him but he felt like he was doing pretty well considering he only started this a few months ago. Plus, it was fun and interesting too, much better than looking at documents all day. Speaking of, Derek got an email from work he should probably check out. Might need to think bout going again since he's had 2 full months off. His built up vacation time was almost over- Derek wondered back to when he first started staying at work late during the early days of his marriage crumbling. They were fighting then and if he recalls right, Stiles threw a an empty milk carton at him that morning when Derek asked if they needed milk. He remembers deciding to stay at work that night but wondering if he kept doing overtime how many vacation days he could get. Because even when they were fighting, Derek felt guilty and wanted to make it up to Stiles, maybe plan a trip for all of them once Lily was a little better.  
That idea was quickly shut down though when Derek suggested it and once again, Stiles turned it into a screaming match and spun it into something about Derek not being responsible and 'how dare he suggest they take Lily on a plane'.  
Just another example of Derek fucking everything up when he thought he was trying his hardest. The grief must have shown on his face as Boyd called out to him in the middle of sanding.  
"What you thinking about?"  
"Oh just um...my first therapy session tomorrow..." Derek said, not really lying because that was on his mind too.  
"Ah right. She told you anything since Stiles gave her your email?"  
"Just sent me an introduction paragraph about what to expect." This Rani lady wasn't pulling any punches, Derek felt intimidated even in the email and he's a lawyer that's made even the toughest witnesses cry in court when they're caught out. She just told him very bluntly how she was there to help him and if he didn't want it then he should just fuck off now- well not those words but more or less. Rani also mentioned that the sessions would be sorely focused on him and that if they talk about Stiles, then it would have to really relate to Derek instead of just turning into a session of Derek trying to find out about his husband's sessions. He understood all of what she was saying, it made sense. He wouldn't want his time wasted either. Plus it was strangely...refreshing to have that kind of space to himself. He understood everyone they knew siding with Stiles, even Body with all his support is still primarily thinking about Stiles and is just giving Derek a fighting chance because the dark skinned man is a good friend. But Rani wasn't a friend nor a stranger to the situation either. She was neutral, she wouldn't just be attacking Derek and screaming at him to get his shit together without actually saying how he's meant to do that.  
He wanted help, for himself, his husband and their family as a whole. And Derek was 100% committed to that.

Boyd and Derek talked a little while more until Saffron came wondering in and the men rushed to hide the big tools and clean up the sawdust. Saffron waited by the door patiently until her daddy gave her permission to fully come into the room safely and the little girl jumped up into Boyd's arms. Derek watch with fondness and ruffled the young girl's curly hair. Erica soon followed in with a plate of brownies.  
"You didn't bake those." Boyd deadpanned but took one anyway as Erica gasped.  
"Excuse you! I did so make these!"  
"More like bought them from the store. You didn't even attempt box brownies."  
"Oh shut up. Ya know we prefer your cooking skills, babe." Erica laughed, kissing her daughters cheek which was already covered in chocolate brownie crumbs. Derek watched the little family scene and felt he was intruding on something personal and intimate. God he missed his own family so bad, and the kid's had only been gone a few hours. Luckily for him, the doorbell rang and Derek excused himself to go open it.  
Zayd stood at the door with his hands in his pockets and looking down bashfully. He handed Derek a container.  
"Netta brought you some ice cream back from the place...It's melted..."  
"I guessed." Derek chuckled, liking the gesture none the less. He would just freeze it again. "Did you have fun with you Papa?"  
"Yeah he's just waiting in the car while I um...come to ask for my other present?" Zayd have expected the man to not give him anything since the boy was a cold to him all week. He was surprised when Derek went back inside only for a minute and came out with a present. The dark haired boy opened the parcel up a little right then and there and eyes widened at the title.  
"Travel Guide through Backpacking through Europe..."  
"I know you said you wanted to travel one day..." Its a dream all teens had at some point, Derek and Stiles even planned a trip once. But Zayd was so passionate about wanting to explore things that Derek wanted to encourage him to actually go for it and decided to give him a starting point. "Not that I'm encouraging you to just go now! Finish High School first!" He chuckled as the boy rolled his eyes. "But ya know...I checked it out. There's stuff in there about affordable hostels and safe ways to travel, food, going with friends. Its second hand - not because that's cheaper!- but the previosu owner used it and went on a trip using that guide and added their own notes and recommendations...just stuff to think about so you can plan ahead and start saving up slowly now." He knows it probably wasn't alot, paying for a trip when he graduates would have probably been a better idea but his son was always very frugal about taking money from his parents or anyone so he figured a book to help him out was better than nothing. Zayd looked to appreciate it more than Derek was willing to believe though.  
"I....Thanks..." He finally settled on, looking up to the man who nodded in response. Zayd wanted to hug Derek then, it wasn't the right time however. He knows his Papa won't hold it against him but his Papa also said to go at his own pace as long as Zayd's feelings were genuine and right now, Zayd didn't want to hug his father. But he was grateful.

And for now, even as he turned around to back to the car, he appreciated the gift and it didn't feel like an empty gesture. It wasn't thoughtless money or some expensive video game his dad thought was popular and bought with hope Zayd would like it - now that would have been blatantly trying to buy his love.  
No, it was a $7 dollar second hand book guide with some strangers scribbled notes all over it.  
And Zayd cherished it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In psychology, there's this concept known as the imaginary audience and it's where a person believes that everyone around them or even people they don't know is listening and watching their every move and judging them for it and it's what I was trying to vaguely show with Zayd when he talks about how he doesnt want to feel happy when it comes to derek because then everyone including Stiles will think he's forgiving his dad when all he's doing is feeling happy in that moment.
> 
> Throwing shade just a little bit at people who were jumping the gun and got mad a few chapters ago when Zayd hugged Derek and began accepting rides to school from him like 'oh my god, how can the kids be fine with him that easily' like it just a car ride. XD  
> Like he's not allowed to accept things from Derek and I was meant to write this one dimensional 14 year old angry teen whos constantly mad when that not his character at all. Kid in these situations especially at an age when they understand things are going to feel a mixture of emotions from anger and betrayal to sadness and loneliness. 
> 
> This chapter was inspired alot by one post i read on reddit of someone asking is it right for them to miss their dad even though he cheated and their mom kicked the dad out and another post where a woman in her 40s or 30s (can't remember) talked about how she wanted to forgive her father for cheating back when she was a teen but felt pressure from family and friends to let her dad suffer and be angry- her father then died alone without his children around him and the original commenter talked about how she regretted their relationship the last few years before her fathers death because of the anger and animosity the women had for her father and the gap that put between them even years after the man was trying to make things right.
> 
> Thanks for the support and kudos! Keep commenting! Also, let me know if you want similar notes about what inspired this chapter (if anything) because like I said ths story is based of things I've read and learnt about cheating and if you guys want to know specifics in what I've added from other stories then let me know!  
> Thank you for all the support again and leave feedback!


	27. I Was There. But I Also Wasn't.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek has his session with Dr Naeem and expresses things he couldn't express to anyone else.

Derek was sat in the guest room of Erica and Boyd's house with his laptop prompt up on a pillow as he sat back against the headboard and watching the clock tick away patiently for the clock to strike 1 o' clock. He was all alone in the house, his friend out with his family. Which Derek was happy about truly, Boyd had been more than accommodating to Derek basically intruding into his life- the man deserved to go out with this family. But he can't deny he would have liked it if Boyd stayed with him for this specific thing. However, again, Boyd had done more than enough for Derek and so let the man happily go spend time with his family, even slipping Saffron a five dollar bill in her coat pocket to buy whatever she wants. He's prepared for the slap on the head from Erica when they get back.  
Derek wasn't really sure what Dr Rani Naeem would bring up, their email conversations were simply confirmation of the time and reminder that these one to one session were Derek focused and nothing else. That whole thing in itself was something Derek wasn't sure about because so far thinking about himself hasn't been working out for him. He was brought out of his thoughts by the ringtone of Rani calling in. Accepting the call, Derek was met with the welcoming smile of the elderly women on screen.  
"Derek, good afternoon!" She greeted warmly.  
"Afternoon Doctor. I'm doing well. Yourself?"  
"I'm doing wonderfully." She replied as she took a sip of water. "Now, let's begin."

After a deep 20 minute introduction into what the therapy will entail, rehashing a few ground rules regarding talking about Stiles and how this process will be tough but Derek has said he wanted to commit (a claim he reaffirms), Rani swiftly moves on. Derek had informed her over email and now that he was living with his friend and his family, deterring from his original plan of staying at a hotel temporarily before finding an apartment.  
"Now Derek, you've mentioned your friend Vernon opening his home to you which is step in itself to surround yourself around a positive family environment. However, I do need to ask: why didn't you go any family members?" Which was her basically asking about his family situation. Derek rubbed the back of his neck in an awkward habit.  
"My family actually disowned me because I chose to stay in a relationship with Stiles. A little because of the age difference and a lot because he's a man, one that's able to carry children at that." Which you thought his parents would have appreciated with all the talk for Derek to have children but no, it was used another excuse to attack him and his family.  
"Mmm...how did Stiles react to the situation? About your family disowning you?"  
"I didn't tell him." Derek sighed out. He didn't tell Stiles a lot of detail about his family situation, the most his husband really knows is that the older man just had a fallout with his parents over their relationship but not the complete story. "I told him vague things and he chalked it up to just the usual conservative homophobia and left it at that."  
"Was that not it?"  
"No not completely. I mean, my parents are very homophobic and conservative. But usually it's all very quiet in our family, especially once us children of the family grow up." He had cousins and relatives who were gay or trans or even single parents- anything that drifted from the stereotypical nuclear family was shameful. "It was our life after all, once most moved out, the family just didn't talk about it and ignored it when those certain relatives would be back for reunions and christmas- things like that." Aside from a few snide remarks and comments. "But after my Uncle, it wasn't even allowed to be thought of in the house or anywhere.."

Derek came from a large family in Beacon Hills. His mother and father and his siblings all lived under one roof along with the elders of the family- his great grandmother being the oldest living member who died recently to his knowledge - and his uncle: Peter Klein Hale. Derek was always close with the man, a few years older than him but more like an older brother than uncle. They drove to school together, studied, and when Derek turned 13 they shared secrets their family wouldn't approve of. At 13 years old, Peter (22 himself at the time) came out as to his young nephew. He told the boy how he was seeing a man he worked with, that they had been together since high school and planned to get married once they had enough money to move away.  
And Derek didn't think much of it, like he said, there had been cousins and relatives that have had a more than 'alternative' style to the traditional way of things and although he knew his parents, Talia being his mother and Peter's older sister, wouldn't approve, it would just be another thing they didn't talk about around grandmama or anyone else in the house. So Derek just smiled, told his uncle he was happy for him and that was that.  
Except that wasn't it. He doesn't truly know what happened leading up to it but one night, Derek woke up to screaming. Sitting up in bed, he opened his door slight to listen in which as easy enough with room being closest to the stairs.  
"You fucking faggot. How could you do this to us!?" That was his mothers voice. He had never heard her sound so angry even with cousin Dave's coming out. Sure there was the whole speech of 'shame' and 'disappointment' but it was never as bad as slurs.  
"For fuck sake's get over yourself Talia!" Peter yelled back as he lit a cigarette and smoked easily. Talia looked at him with pure disgust. "This doesn't concern you. I was talking to Xavier."  
"You will not be dragging my husband into your shit!" Wait, what did Derek's dad have to do with this?  
"I didn't drag your husband into this!" Peter yelled out. "He came onto me! Your husband is the bastard that kissed me!" Derek stepped back from his door in shock. What the fuck was going on?  
"I did no such thing-"  
"Yes you did!" Peter face a blushing Xavier with a cocky smirk that was somewhat sad as well. "I told you years before, do not marry my sister because you deserved better than this shit show of a family. But if you thought I was going to wait around for you instead of falling in love with someone who actually gave a damn about me then you fucking deserve each other!" He yelled out. Xavier walked over and grabbed Peter by his shirt. Then. great grandmother Edith spoke up.  
"Unhand him Xavier. We've worked hard to make you a proud Hale man. Don't let him taint you now." She croaked out, sat down but more intimidating than Derek's broad and muscular father or sharp nosed mother

"Your father was in love with Peter?"  
"No.. Definitely not love." Derek shook his head. "My parents...they had a marriage of convenience, my father may have been gay or at least bisexual. " Derek doesn't know, he never got an answer. "But they only married for reputation and in exchange my father would let go go his 'tendencies.' However it didn't exactly work..."

Peter came into Derek's room at around 5am, still smoking. Every else had gone to bed then, though his parents and Edith were still downstairs probably discussing the situation. One which Derek was soon made aware of.  
"Dad hit on you!?"  
"You're father has been staring at my ass since he met your mother. But apparently he has enough decency to wait until I was 18 to suddenly make a move but since I rejected him for Chris, he can't take it can wants to make me out s the little gay who came onto the big strong straight man." He scoffed. Xavier's 'conversion' was complete bullshit but the man wanted everything at once, he wanted Peter to be his side bitch while keeping his reputation and place in the family. What an ass.  
"So what's going to happen now...?" Derek asked, blinking up at his uncle as he smoked by the open window. The moonlight made his black eye more prominent against his pale skin. The man laughed bitterly.  
"Who knows? I don't care. Tomorrow I'm going to leave this shit in the dust when Chris comes to pick me up." He smirked over to Derek. "I'll leave you my number. Ever need a break from this crap just hit me up okay?" He reached over and ruffled Derek's hair, the young teen smiling up at Peter as he agreed excitedly.  
After a rough night, Derek was awoken once again but this time by his older sister Laura. She tugged the blanket off Derek and whispered harshly;  
"Look to the window!" The young boy quickly went to the window where he was met with the sight of his Uncle Peter being pushed into the back of a police vehicle, the Sheriff of Beacon Hills at the time and his deputy, John Stilinski reading the man his rights.  
His parents and grandmama just stood by the front door with cold looks on their faces.

Rani watched the quiet man in front of her with a slight frown. "He was arrested?"  
"For rape." Derek bit out. "I only found out what happened after I met John Stilinski officially as once I started to date his son. He told me my mother and father tried to spin it that my uncle tried to force my father into something and even attacked him - my father only reacting in self defence." Shaking his head, he continued with a heavy heart. "The charges were found to be bullshit, but the damage to my uncles reputation was done. You can't come back from that. His fiance had left him long before he was declared innocent, the whole family- even extended shut him out. I didn't even know he had been found innocent or left jail until John told me. He disappeared after that." Which of course he would, his own family tried to frame him for rape. All because they were scared Peter would spill about Talia Hale's gay husband- like people would give a damn.  
Rani thought for a few moments, taking in the words Derek just said.  
"Bringing it back to you..." She said, because this was Derek's session. "How do think that affected you?"  
"There was pressure on me then. The spotlight on me to be the perfect son." Derek was close to Peter after all so the family turned their attention to him after Peter was 'arrested'. Maybe Derek was tainted too, trying to influence the rest of the family if Peter has his claws in the boy already. "I didn't care really." Derek shrugged lightly. "I just planned to go through life in motions. I didn't even give my sexuality much thought until I met Stiles."  
"Do you consider yourself gay?"  
"I don't put a label on it. Call me whatever you want honestly. All I know is that Stiles is who I want to spend the rest of my life with." He said, wanting to talk about the family he cared about and not the one he had been unfortunate enough to be born into. Rani nodded her head, understanding where Derek was coming from but he needed to understand something.  
"Derek, many times our desires and actions stem from childhood. " She watched the man scowl and knew he was probably predicting her words. "To put it simply, did your parents marriage and circumstances impact you actions? Cause you to cheat?"  
"Aren't you meant to be the one telling me that?"  
"Am I?" She gave him an unyielding challenging look, same to the one she gave Stiles in his first session when she offered him an out before they continued. Derek starred back at her before his shoulders slumped in defeat.  
"I'm sorry..it's just...I know that what some people might think, especially Stiles if he found out. But if anything, that whole shit show just made me more determined to love harder. Even if it wasn't Stiles, if I did follow my parents way and wait until they arrranged a marriage for me or if I fell in love with someone they approved of, I still promised myself that I would treat them better, love them more, not have anything like the marriage so many people in family have. So....empty."  
"Interesting...Very noble of you to make such a commitment at that age."  
"It's the one thing I wanted for myself at that age. Until I met Stiles." Rani nodded once more, it was matched with Stiles story of their relationship. In the beginning and up until recently that is. She guessed it was one reason the man probably wasn't throwing divorce papers at Derek already, because in his head at least the scale was tipped on 20 plus years of marriage and dating verses one year of serious struggles and infidelity. That would be difficult for most to give up if Derek did love as hard as he promised he would- Rani presumes he did.  
"It must have been lonely though." She prompted after a few minutes of silence as Derek seemingly already exhausted and they were only at the halfway mark on their session. "To have grown up going through the motions without someone to talk to after Peter left. Any friends?"  
"I was popular in high school but no one really stuck, I was too focused on studying to actually build relationships with many people." Rani supposed when he met Stiles, he must have sympathised with the lonely teen. "I was fortunate enough to meet Boyd when we were made roommates in College and we're still friends after all these years."  
"I'm glad." She smiled gently. She thinks the couple would benefit from communicating more, Derek telling his husband more about his family life and his loneliness in childhood would certainly help their situation in connecting with each other. Stiles was similar after all, although the man had his father, his busy work schedule and absent friends meant he was alone at times too. However, it seems now that Stiles is thankfully around a plethora of people- his father now retired means there was more communication between the two, all his friends and their friends supporting him. Who did Derek have exactly? "And Boyd, is he your only support source?"  
"In a way yes..." Derek didn't like it that it was like that purely because Boyd had to deal with all his shit. He was a kind man, kinder than Derek ever was or will be. He was patient. But even so, Derek couldn't dump every issue he had onto his only friend. So in the end, he began to keep things to himself.

"Then I suppose that bring me to the incident with Lily." Derek's eyes snapped up at that, Rani bringing up the medical records Stiles provided. "Respiratory Distress Syndrome. A severe case at that. That must have been difficult." The man nodded stiffly, once again averting his gaze from the camera. Clearly this was going to be a difficult subject that may need to be address the next session if they run out of time now. Rani made a note to leave Derek in a good place at least before they logged off. "Tell me how that was Derek. To experience such a thing."  
"It was shit." He answered easily and Rani could see him getting frustrated as well as upset. "I was the one who saw it! I held her and she stopped breathing-! And I know- I KNOW Stiles resents me for not holding her for weeks after that but I couldn't! I was so fucking terrified if she stopped breathing in my arms again." He blamed himself in away, what for he doesn't know. Maybe it's as ridiculous of a belief as Stiles believing it was his fault for causing Lily's condition. "So I forced myself to suck it up and hold her as soon as I could. Because I HAD to be the man. I had to...my husband..."  
"Go on Derek."  
"Stiles was so sick. He was so scared just hearing the Doctor talk about RDS, I didn't want him to actually witness it. He didn't deserve that." Derek tried to explain. "I stayed up with him, I tried to leave work as early as I could to be with him. I took Netta to school and Zayd to his practices then came home to try and pry Lily from Stiles so he could sleep. I tried to get him to phone his dad more- I just...I fucking TRIED." He had to see his daughter almost die and then his husband kill himself for their baby. Derek couldn't fall apart when their family needed him to be strong. But in the end he couldn't keep it up. "And I couldn't talk to Stiles about it because it would just add to his guilt and worries if he knew I felt like shit."  
"Must have been difficult..." Rani said gently as Derek was crying now. "There's this propelled idea that talking about your problems, specifically trauma and worries are meant to help you in dealing with said issues. I'm sure you're aware."  
"Yeah yeah..the whole 'get it off your chest' thing."  
"That doesn't work." She said simply, Derek looking at her surprised. "Simply talking doesn't work as often as it's advised. Because what it does in most cases it create a dangerous habit of reliance on sympathy and closure when it most cases you won't get that. It's good to as you say 'get if off your chest' but once you do, you can't just leave it out there. It's the what comes next that the hard part and something people forget about when they talk about their problems because then they put themselves in a place of 'well, what now?' In most cases, people are left feeling worse. "  
"That what I feel like!" Derek cried out. Everyone they know thinks Derek wasn't considerate of Stiles feelings, that he was meant to look at his husband and just 'know' what he needed. But he did know! Stiles needed someone there for him, he needed help, not someone talking about their own shit and adding onto the pain he already felt. "I tried to get Stiles to a damn therapist but he didn't want to hear it. He started pulling back from me and trying to act like Lily was his responsibility alone!" The damn changing of appointments still annoyed him. Rani listened on with interest. All Derek did seemed to be focused around getting Stiles help which while a valiant effort ultimately led Rani to ask:  
"And who was helping you Derek?"  
"What?" He paused.  
"You say you did all this to try and get your family through this difficult time. Who was supporting you?" Stiles was a wreck at the time of course so she didn't expect much there. "Boyd?"  
"I... I couldn't. I couldn't leave to go cry on Boyd's shoulder. Had no time to even if I wanted to." He didn't, if Derek wasn't at home then he was at work. Going back and forth between the two. He had to carry all the pressure of their family until it wasn't enough. Things between him and Stiles got worse and it got petty. Derek started hiding away and Stiles avoided Derek whenever he was home. Things kept crumbling until that fateful night with Luke finally broke it all down. He told Rani all this who looked at Derek with an expression the man couldn't read.  
"Derek...as I said before people believe talking about their trauma will somehow relive them of their trauma and negativity building up when all it does is make things worse." She began. "But what talking about trauma, the goal shouldn't be trying to gain closure or some kind of 'oh my god I feel freed!' moment. NO, the aim talking about closure is empathy."  
"What do you mean? Stiles doesn't want sympathy."

"I said empathy Derek." She corrected with a raised brow. "And not just you, Stiles himself and other around him don't seem to realise this. Empathy helps build connections with people while sympathy divides people emotionally. Stiles and you have gone through a traumatic experience. He doesn't need to hear 'at least Lily is doing fine' or multiple doctors telling him things he already knows. He doesn't need his friends and family telling him everything will be okay because Lily is strong. That's sympathy. What Stiles needed, what you both needed was empathy from each other. Stiles was in a vulnerable place, he was lost and he was in pain. Still is. Empathy is bringing yourself down to his vulnerable level and showing that you understand, that you more than anyone understood his pain. It's giving an answer without an answer by saying 'I don't know how we're going to get through this, but I know it's hard and I know it hurts.' Because that shows connection and communication then leads to help and THEN leads to closure." She gave Derek a steady look while she watched the solemn look on his face.  
"I thought..."  
"You thought you were helping him keeping everything quiet. But all it did was cause more damage in the long term. You shouldn't have kept it all in and suffered by yourself Derek. And you definitely shouldn't have given up when Stiles was reacting in such a way and then ran to an affair." Derek dealt with the trauma with Lily by cutting himself off and retreating back to that lonely boy with no one to turn to and once again just trying to go through the motions. Then he found something that was unfamiliar but felt good - Luke - and kept that going as a distraction. Stiles went the complete opposite way by pushing back again help, becoming self destructive and lacking in self confidence in care. Both put too much pressure on themselves in the situation and soon got out of control and blew up in their faces. "I want you to think about what we've discussed to day as it seem we've run out of time." She hopes she's left him with some clarity rather than hopelessness. "Good day Derek."  
"Good day Doctor...." He replied steadily. He wiped his eyes while the women cut the call off. "Good day..." He repeated to no one.

Derek thought he was doing right by focusing on Stiles back then, trying to help him and reassure him that it wasn't his fault about what happened to Lily. But instead, he just made it easier for Stiles to not rely on him. Derek realises now that his husband must have seen him not caring about what happened to their daughter. He could scream all he wanted about appointments and being their physically, but to Stiles, it must have looked terrible- their baby almost died and Derek is just continuing life like normal? Going to work and coming home, taking over with the kids all sounds good on paper- but Stiles felt ALONE.

Because Derek left him alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I read an article that talked about how even though many of us think talking about trauma is good, more often than not it's only half a step in healing. You have to do more than talking and what what you talk about is also important.  
> Theres also a video by Brene Brown and article i read too that talks about the difference between empathy and sympathy and the basic thing is that sympathy is rushing for an answer and silver lining to a situation. Empathy is where you make yourself vulnerable to the person who is sharing with you- like they're stuck in a hole and you go down with them instead of just shining a light inside trying to show them the way. You need to be there with them.
> 
> This was also to give a bit more into Derek's situation with his family because I was reading over my other chapters and thought about how Derek's life up until Stiles has been very vague and in the dark aside form him being a good little boy. It's also to establish and set up a few things so again, please be patient.  
> I'm not EXACTLY proud of the the pacing of this chapter but let me know what you guys thing. I tried to link and connect the themes as well as I can but I personally don't think the flow is there.
> 
> Thank you for all the support so far. Keep commenting and leave some kudos! Thank you!


	28. We're Different You and I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles goes back to work. He and Theo have a talk.
> 
> Derek comes to pick Lily up and he runs into the man who almost had sex with his husband.

It's Friday afternoon, Stiles tidying up the toys and smaller lego pieces as Lily had a nap. It was the end of the morning class and all the kids had gone home and since it was Friday there were no afternoon classes so even Kira had a skip in her step about getting to leave home early. Stiles has come back to work on Monday (day after Derek's first therapy session with Dr Naeem) and he was a little apprehensive at first with the prospect of seeing Theo. Strangely enough however, the younger man hadn't returned. Kira gave him a vagu explanation about Theo wanting to extend his vacation because Kira was a 'slave driver' or something along those line. Point is while his boss was clearly annoyed and plotting against the man, Stiles was glad he wouldn't have to face him so soon after their night at the motel. It had been 2 weeks and no sign of the man returning still.

It all happened to fast, one minutes he was practically undressing the younger man at the back of a cab and the next thing he knew they were getting a free condom from the reception of the sleezy place with Theo then pushing the brunette against some creaky bed, kissing him roughly. He remembers hands roaming under his own shirt, he remembers said hands then moving to his neck- grip strong and tight but not suffocating, definitely leaving a prominent bruise though. It wasn't until an awkward moment where Theo fumbled with his zipper did Stiles seem to sober up and push against the other man's chest to push him back. He did so quickly, getting off the bed and staring at Stiles.  
"What's wrong? Is it Lube? I'm sure they have one somewhere in this room-"  
"NO- I mean it's not that I just..." Just what? Seriously what was he doing here? Trying to put himself in a worse position than he already was? Getting his rocks off to feel good which will only last a few moments until the crippling regret hits him the next morning? He knows it will. All of a sudden, Stiles felt really overwhelmed and pushed off the bed himself, his own hands tracing lightly over the marks Theo made against his neck and down his chest. What the actual fuck was he doing? The man didn't even notice Theo sitting next to him and handing him his shirt over.  
"You don't want to do this anymore." He said as if it was fact, like he sensed Stiles' hesitation and could read his thoughts. Stiles wanted to argue back, because they had come this far! And who was Theo to tell him how to feel or what he wanted to do. If he wanted to have sex with someone who wasn't Derek he could! Derek got to do it so why not him!?  
But that's just it. Stiles isn't Derek. Even in his anger, even with own temptations, hell even with this young man besides him who actually WANTED Stiles, he just couldn't bring himself to cheat. He couldn't decided if that was pathetic or not.  
"No...I don't think I do. I'm sorry."  
"No need." Theo sighed, falling back and laying against the bed with his hands behind his head. "I thought as much. Honestly thought I'd at least get a blowjob before you backed out." He laughed at the look of offence on Stiles face. " Take a joke! And please, did you really have yourself pegged as the casual sex type?"  
"Well if you were so sure I wasn't going to do it then why drag me here in the first place!?"  
"Wishful thinking." He shrugged, getting up and heading to the bedside table, disappointed when he found no smokes or even free breath mints here yet he found a bottle of lube. Typical, a sleezy hotel that offers a condom and lube but not complimentary breath mints. "I honestly didn't think you would even accept my offer, forget about initiating a kiss and wanting to have sex right now. So if we're being honest, you dragged me HERE, I didn't even know this place existed in your little innocent town. You are full of surprises Mr Stilinski." He smirked as Stiles averted his eyes. "Still not going to correct me on your name?"  
"Shut up." He glared, pulling his shirt back on and holding his flannel in his hands. There was an air of tension around them but not thick, just one of uncertainty. "So...What now?"  
"You really have to ask me that?" Theo went back to laying across the bed and starring up at the crooked ceiling fan buzzing away. "What's going to happen now is you're going to go home and show your husband the marks I left on you."  
"But he'll think-"  
"Exactly. He'll THINK. But you'll know nothing happened. Whether you choose to tell him or not is your choice." He winked, honestly a little proud when he saw a thoughtful expression on Stiles face showing that he was at least considering it. "Unless you changed your mind and want to crawl back over on my-"  
"Shut up Theo." Stiles hissed at him for the second time that night.

And that was that. No ifs and or buts. Stiles went home from the motel, leaving Theo behind, and told his dad he needed to head home right now with quick promises to continue talking to the good doctor and to call his dad the second he lands. Then he got the latest plane to Beacon Hills and arrived right on time when the kids should be at school before texting his husband to come pick him up. And now they're here.

The past few weeks since their rough hateful (and honestly sad) sex session along and their joint call to Dr Naeem, Derek and Stiles still haven't been talking to each other. Well, that's not completely true. Instead of vague texts it was now awkward phone calls. They managed a hello to each other before exchanging whatever information they needed to regarding the kids and would hang up with a simple bye. It wasn't the best but it was something. They had both been keeping their session up with Doctor Naeem, Stiles sessions being a Thurday and Derek's being on a Saturday.  
Derek had told him he wouldn't be able to come see the kids on Monday, telling Stiles honestly that he felt raw from his session with Dr Naeem. As much anamosity Stiles may have against Derek right now, he understood and just told Netta that her daddy would pick her up on the following Wednesday.  
That was another thing they've arranged recently, outings with the kids. Dr Naeem had assured given Stiles the task of organising outing with him and kids when he wasn't at work, so he was actually enjoying his time with his family rather than just sitting at home hovering over Lily. She also instructed Derek that HE would have to be the one to reach out and ask Stiles and their kids if he could take them out and spend time with them- neither would have a say in where the other took the children or what they did (all within reason) because this was about the children and their personal decision on if they wanted to spend time with their parents or not. In addition it was also a chance for Stiles to develop on his life separate from the kids and house.

Which was why today, Stiles was waiting for Derek to come pick Lily up from Daycare to go out with her daddy and Netta while Stiles went out with Kira for some coffee at a small cafe round the corner. The brunette was learning slowly to reconnect with his friends outside of kiddy play dates and quick rushed phone calls and was even becoming for social with his other coworkers - beyond Kira and Theo - in other classrooms. He wasn't suddenly going to start staying out late for dinners with Lydia or suddenly go on a weekend trip with Issac and Scott. But having lunch and inviting his friends over on morning where the kids were at school and he had no work (and Lily with her dad), he felt that was a good start.  
"Stiles I'm just gonna lock up and check the cleaners are all good. Wait just 5 minutes!" Kira smiled, walking back inside the building as Stiles stood holding Lily in his arms. The young man just patiently waited, cooing softly to his little girl who was drifting in and out of consciousness. He didn't expect the peaceful state he was in now to be interrupted so soon. Especially by the appearance of one Theo Raeken.  
"Stiles." He called out and the man almost jumped out his skin. Stiles looked over at his co worker and he looked and cocky and confident as every.  
"Theo, Hey." He sighed out. "What are you doing here? It's Friday."  
"Is it?" He responded, genuinely confused as he looked down at his phone and groaned. "Dammit, I thought it was still Thursday! I could have gone home!"  
"Did you come here from the airport?" He raised a brow at the man's luggage in one hand, as if he was going to walk into the work and just leave his things in the corner of the room or something.  
"Well, I got sick of Kira's damn phone calls and whining so came back." There was more to that story but honestly Stiles didn't care. Theo then focused on the man. "How ya been anyway?"  
"Good...Yeah I've been good..." Stiles replied awkwardly. "Listen about the motel-"  
"Never happened." Theo said easily, waving him off. "You don't have to explain or justify anything to me. Honestly, I told you that night that if you weren't interested and wanted me to back off then I would and I mean it." He held his hand out to Stiles to looked down at it wearily. "From now on, I'm just your co worker and possible friend in the future. Ya know, if you don't find it too awkward." He grinned and Stiles couldn't help but roll his eyes. This felt more like the THeo he met the first week, back to the banter. Not the obvious flirt or the annoying kid that followed him around in Beacon Hills. Just a man offering up something plain and simple. Though, to Theo's credit, it's not like the young man never offered him that before- as sly as he was, Theo was nothing but honest with Stiles from the start. He took his hand and smiled slightly as he shook it.  
"Okay. Coworkers. For now at least."  
"Is that hope for something more?" Theo purposefully chimed with an edge of flirtation.  
"As friends! Dammit Theo!"  
"Take a joke oldman!" He laughed, leaning forward and kissing a sleeping Lily's head. Stiles didn't see anything wrong with that, Lily was comfortable with Theo and he's seen first hand how the man clearly prefers children to adults- as creepy as that sounded and the jokes Stiles made to the younger man's expense to which he always got a snide remark back. He didn't even care about the closeness that Theo was since his focus was clearly on Lily.  
But someone else did mind.

"Who's that?" Theo asked, looking up to see a taller more muscular man walk over. Stiles looked over his shoulder and almost felt a panic in his chest at his husband walking over to him. To him and Theo. He unconsciously took a step back from the younger man who took notice of the move and put two and two together in his head to figure out who Derek was to Stiles.  
"Derek, Hey." Stiles greeted the man who seemed uneasy himself. Theo found it an interesting look for the man who he learnt was a lawyer not long ago. Big, presumably strong and looked to have a killer resting bitch face, yet in this moment he looked timid and unsure of himself. Not the type of man he imagined Stiles being with.  
"Hey. Am I interrupting something, I can give you a few minutes." Derek asked gently, and again Theo found it interesting how he was already aborting almost desperate to give Stiles his space. Derek eyes turned to the man besides his husband who he didn't recognised. He presumed he was one of the co workers here that Kira talked about.  
"No you're not. " Stiles said quickly, drawing the older man's attention back to him. "Here, take Lily and you better get going. Netta doesn't like to be kept waiting you know." He handed the young girl over to Derek who made happy giggling noises and that seemed enough for Derek to forget all about whatever conversation he walked in on and focus soley on his little girl. Stiles would normally be busy questioning if he should be pleased or not about Derek's positive reaction but honestly he was just glad in this moment to be out of the woods as his husband turned to leave.  
"Hi there. I'm Theo Raeken. I work here!" The young man beamed happily, shooting his hand out to Derek and said man turned to him in surprise as he shook the boy's hand. Theo....he had heard that name before. Didn't Stiles mention...but wait no- he said he worked here. It must be a different Theo right? His husband's face said otherwise though.  
"You...work here?"  
"With Stiles!" He added helpfully and Stiles just wanted the ground to swallow him up. Kira decided to come out at that moment, a shocked look on her face as she came over and smacked Theo's arm who whined.  
"You're back now!? Why the hell were you gone for so long!?"  
"Hey, Beacon Hills was more exciting place than I thought! So I let Stiles go back and I just decided to extent my vacation like I told you-" The began arguing in the way they usually do but Stiles was too focused on Derek who had clearly connected the dots in his head. He was prepared for a punch thrown at Theo or something but instead the man just nodded a little and walked of with Lily in his arms.

What? Ignoring his coworkers for a moment, Stiles ran off after his husband. Kira paused in her tirade against Theo and watched the brunette go before glaring back at the man besides her.  
"What did you do?"  
"You're the one that tells me be nice and introduce myself to the parents when I can. All I did was give Lily's dad my name. That's all."  
Kira didn't like that gleam of joy in his eyes for one second.

"Derek!" Said man turned around and watched as Stiles stopped in front of him by the car. Placing Lily inside, taking a moment to let Netta greet her Papa as he opened the door, he stood back up and faced the younger man with a worried look.  
"Everything alright? I'm just taking the girls to the park. If you wanted to remind me to pick Zayd up from Practice I don't think he as it today..." Derek tried to think of things Stiles usually reminded him of. It seemed however that his husband was the one confused.  
"You...You don't have ANYTHING to say?"  
"About...?"  
"Theo!" Stiles exclaimed, like it should be the most obvious thing in the world. Derek pursed his lips and looked down.  
"Oh...I guess I don't." Stiles crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes at Derek who just gave him a confused stare of his own back. "Should I...?"  
"Well...I mean..I don't know! But you were angry about him just a few weeks ago before you even met him and-"  
"Yeah, a few weeks ago. When I thought you slept with him. Even then I didn't really have a right to say anything or even blame you if you did." He shrugged. "And anyway, you didn't sleep with him. It was a few weeks ago and now we moved on. Right?"  
"I-I suppose..." Stiles doesn't know what he was expecting really. Derek was right, this was week ago. They had their explosive moment, for that anyway, and moved on from that. Was Stiles still secretly petty? Maybe he just wanted Derek to show he cared- like that night when he found the marks Theo left on him. Did he want to hurt Derek still by showing him the man he almost had sex with when Derek had the nerve to bring his side bitch to their home- Stiles quickly took a deep breath. That's not the focus right now. Derek watched him carefully, like Stiles was a scared rabbit that would run off at any given moment.  
"If you want I can punch him." Derek wouldn't have a problem with that AT ALL. But he was trying to be the mature one because like he said, this was awhile ago and even if Stiles did sleep with the younger man, he didn't exactly have a leg to stand on in that argument now did he? He wasn't in a position to speak about morals either. He was brought out his thoughts by Stiles small laugh, a rare sound for him these days.  
"Now you don't need to its just...You haven't got a problem with him working here? With me I mean?"  
"Stiles...This is your workplace. And he takes care of Lily from what I hear. You don't owe me anything and you don't need to come out here to explain or whatever alright?"  
"Yeah...I guess I don't." He settled on, finally relaxing. Because he didn't owe Derek anything. "I just...didn't want you to get the wrong idea. Dr Naeem said not to date anyone and to be honest with each other. So you know..."  
"Yeah I get it." Derek moved to open the driver side car door. "So...if that's it-"  
"O-Oh totally! Go on. Bye babies!" Stiles knelt down and blew kisses at his daughters in the back seat through the window as they both waved back excitedly before the car pulled out of the parking lot and the car drove off. Stiles smiled to himself as he walked back to meet Kira, feeling lighter after than conversation,  
He didn't have to feel guilty about Theo, nothing happened and Stiles was confident in himself that he wasn't a vindictive person in this moment in time and it felt good! He was living for himself and didn't owe anyone shit!  
Theo and Kira both were surprised when Stiles came back with a bright smile and ready to leave.

"Daddy look at me! Look at me!" Netta called excitedly, doing a cartwheel once her dad was facing her. Derek laughed from his place on the picnic blanket with Lily who was chewing on honeydew melon slice.  
"Well done princess!" He praised as his daughter went on to do more tricks, his focus switching between his two little girls. Soon, they were all laying lazily on the blanket, Lily resting against his chest while Netta was sprawled out by his side. It was a peaceful moment, one Derek couldn't fully enjoy. Because once again, the reality settled in that Stiles might not be with him at the end of all this, if it ever ends.  
Stiles never truly knew how attractive he was, having awkward years in high school and thinking his looks never evolved. But Derek knew the truth, he was the one that glared-off anyone who stared to long at his husband's ass whenever they went out, crumpled up any pieces of paper with numbers on that their waiters would leave for Stiles before the man found them.   
Because Stiles was damn well attractive, even now in his 40s. Age just seemed to add to his beauty in the best ways, made him look experienced instead of tired and wise instead of grumpy. He's sure Scott described his husband as a twink a few times and ain't that the damn truth.  
So yeah, Derek was reasonably worried Stiles was going to leave him because he has plenty of people banging on his door for a chance. A door that currently was closed and locked because Stiles was focusing on their family right now. But that doesn't mean that he wouldn't open it soon. And someone like Theo was probably knocking already.  
Did it make him a hypocrite for not wanting Stiles to work with Theo? He knows if Derek went back to work with Lucas then Stiles would certainly file for divorce no questions asked. But Derek's cheating is different to Stiles 'almost cheating'. That's not even a thing is it? Stiles had no obligation to Derek the second Derek cheated and he certainly doesn't have any obligations of loyalty now. Shaking his head, Derek looked down at his little girls resting and was just thankful that right now he had this chance with them. What Stiles decides...Derek would deal with that. Getting all huffy and possessive wouldn't work out because right now Stiles was only with him under name. He needed to earn back his husband's trust, not act like a grunting caveman and demand it while growling at everyone else after Stiles. Yes, he would take what he could get in the end but not without a fight. 

Speaking of, Derek felt like getting into a fight with someone now as his phone pinged at a notification besides his head. He groaned and reached out to the phone, grabbing it carefully and to no surprise it was another email from HR and reception from work. Derek really should arrange getting back to work soon and opened up the email intent of arranging a time for him to come back.  
Except that's not what the email was about.

"Dear Mr Hale,

Please Contact us as soon as you can to discuss your potential permanent termination of you position within our firm.

Sincerely, Alan Deaton from the HR Team. "

Derek checked all the other ones he's ignored and all were of a similar theme. What the hell...Derek was going to get fired?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I read another account of cheating and it was on a revenge cheating forum and luckily I found where this man backed out at the last minute. However, sometimes he threw the fact he could have cheated too in his wife's face just to get a reaction and he didn't know why. Sometimes he felt it was pure pettiness and others it was to get a reaction from her so he knew she cared.
> 
> I then read another description form the cheaters point of view about how there where trust issues in his relationship after he cheated and how his girlfriend would always purposefully make comments about maybe sleeping with other people just to make him jealous but then would get mad when he did get jealous even though that's what she wanted- to show he cared but all it did was add jealousy and possessiveness to the relationship.
> 
> Hope y'all enjoyed this chapter. Leave comments and kudos. Thank you so much for the support so far!


	29. See Her Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek goes back to work, at least that as much as he tell Stiles. Both men learn that maybe they haven't been giving Netta much attention lately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oop she's back.

Netta Stilinski-Hale was 5 when her baby sister Lily was born, would be turning 6 years old just 4 months later. She loved her daddy, he was so big and strong so she could see the local parade floats when he held her up on his shoulders (would even sneak her sweets after dinner without papa knowing). Papa was so pretty, and super kind, he made the best-est brownies and cheesecake and even cheered with her when they watched power rangers! Her big brother was super cool and all her friends were jealous that she had such an awesome brother! So when papa and daddy told them both that they were getting a baby sister, Netta was super excited! She was going to be an awesome big sister and in Netta's totally unbiased opinion, she felt the baby was lucky to be born into her family because Daddy and Papa were the greatest!  
Daddy always read her stories about true love and fairy tales that always ended in true love and kisses. The two men always thought their little girl imagined herself as the princess and as much as that was true, 9 times out of 10 Netta always replaced the prince and princess in the stories with her daddy and papa. Zayd always gagged or made faces when they would kiss but the little girl loved the watching the morning kisses at breakfast or when Papa and Daddy would surprise each other with gifts like flowers (Papa liked to give Daddy flowers) or video games (Papa said he was never too old for video games and Daddy always laughed). Everything was awesome and only got better after the baby was announced. Netta loved her family and wanted nothing to change.

But then her baby sister was born. She didn't understand why Zayd and her waited so long in the hospital for her Papa. She didn't know why Daddy looked so scared and got mad at her when she asked how long papa would take with Lily- Derek apologised quickly right after Netta began crying. Her big brother told her it was adult stuff and she wouldn't get it, which she didn't. Papa had to stay in hospital longer that time, so did Lily and soon enough Netta's meeting with the new baby was delayed a whole week. Even when Papa and Lily were allowed home, things were didn't get better. Papa and Daddy spent a lot of time with Lily in the bedroom, Netta only being granted a chance to look at her sister a few times a week before being told to stay away. Netta was frustrated to say the least. She wanted to see her little sister! She was almost 6! That totally makes her a big girl! Even Zayd told her off for bothering their parents so much when they were busy with Lily.

Netta decided she didn't like Lily from that point. She didn't understand much after all, all the girl knew is that here comes this new baby and suddenly her parents don't have time for her and are fighting constantly and even missed her first dance recital with the big girls because of baby Lily. For the first 4 weeks, Netta didn't care about her new sister anymore and began acting out:  
Throwing her food on the floor, kicking at Zayd whenever he told her off, not going to bed or having a bath when told- anything to get her parents to pay attention to her. The little girl felt a little guilty though, got worse especially when her parents began fighting. Daddy was home less and Papa didn't wanna talk to him when her daddy did come home for dinner. Her parents weren't happy anymore. Daddy wasn't happy. Papa was upset. And Netta was just...sad.  
One night the now now 6 year old woke to her parents arguing again and grumbled and she hid under the covers deeper. She was really just angry. All because of this dumb baby ruining her life! Things got worse when she heard Lily crying next too. Soon she would wake up Zayd and he would be tired in the morning. Netta waited for her parents to notice the crying baby with the million of remote walky talky things all over the house (again just for the dumb baby) and come make her stop but they never did. Annoyed, tired and upset, Netta got out her bed and walked out her nice princess room and headed towards her parent's room- her parents worked on a nice room for the baby but the spoiled thing apparently NEEDED to be by their parents - where she saw Lily asleep in the baby cot by the bed. Huffing, Netta stomped over to the weeping 4 month old. She noticed the baby monitor with it's lights out on the night stand, a sign that it was out of batteries which explained how her parent's couldn't here the girl from downstairs.  
"Shhhhh!" Netta hushed out harshly, trying to shut the thing up. "You fault daddy and papa are sad! So quiet!" Netta pointed her finger at Lily, trying her best to emulate the scolding pose that Papa gives her. Lily calmed down a little, this huffing and sniffling and looking up teary eyed at her older sister. Netta was still wagging her finger at her when Lily reached out and gripped said finger with her tiny hand. The dark haired girl froze as Lily babbled happily suddenly, whining softly. Netta watched carefully and didn't know what to do as the girl stopped crying and was now occupied with playing with her older sister's hand. That moment, Stiles walked in, looking exhausted and tired. Netta looked up as her Papa walked in and the man starred back at his two daughters. The 6 year old was scared that she was in trouble but then her Papa just smiled gently, in a way that Netta hand't seen in awhile, and knelt down to pick Lily up before sitting down besides his second born.  
"Were you playing with Lily?" Stiles asked quietly.  
"She was crying..." The young girl replied, her Papa looking over at the baby monitor in need of batteries. He sighed to himself then turned his gaze back to Netta again who was still unsure if she was in trouble or not. Lily was beginning to get fussy and Netta was soon pulled forward by her dad so she was closer to the baby who calmed down and gurgled happily once her older sister was in full view.  
"You know...Lily is going to need a big sister to take care of her you know. Papa and Zayd can't do it by ourselves. " Papa whispered to her, as if it was a secret just between the two of them. "You'll look after her and help me out won't you?"  
Netta Stilinski-Hale was 5 years old when her life was happy like a fairy tale. Then her baby sister was born and everything changed. She didn't understand a lot of things. But she knew that her baby sister Lily needed her and Papa smiled again when he saw her being a good girl.  
Netta was six now after all. She was totally a big girl now.

"Papa!" Netta cheered, the little girl practically bouncing up and down as she met her papa waiting at the door. Derek had picked her up from dance practice today, Stiles surprised to see the man wearing a suit. Strange how it was a common sight for the past year even when the man was home yet now it was a surprise after Derek going so long without it. He reached the door and kissed Netta's cheek as she giggled and ran inside. Stiles faced his husband.  
"Hey." Derek greeted.  
"Hey..." Stiles looked to the side awkwardly before sighing. "So what's up with the suit?"  
"Oh I'm er...returning back to work." Derek replied uneasily. Stiles knew Luke was gone, fired or something he doesn't really care, but nevertheless Derek's job was a sensitive topic for the pair. It was where the man ran off to and away from his family, the place that took up most of his time and energy- his side piece working there was just another 'perk' of his already demanding job. Derek watched Stiles silence and knew the man well enough of the doubts and scenarios in building in his mind. "I'm working less hours now. I can still pick the kids up on the days we agreed and still pick them up from their clubs and practices." He reassured quickly. Stiles simply shrugged and nodded, he wouldn't hold his breath. The other man swallowed and accepted that response- Stiles had no reason to believe him. Only time would tell. Turning around, Derek got back in his car and headed back to Boyd's.

Stiles closed the door with a frowned and shook off the small voice in the back of head telling him he should feel bad for the man. Dr Naeem had assured him that Derek didn't deserve his sympathy and that Stiles himself shouldn't give it so easily. He could give Derek a fair chance, but no need to suddenly jump back in his arms when he hasn't even proved himself yet. He walked into the kitchen as Zayd was setting a bowl of cereal in front of his sister. Lily was in er eye chair chewing away at some apple pieces.  
"How was your dance club Netta?" Stiles asked his daughter as he sat down at the table, making faces at Lily as he did.  
"It was super fun! I can do back flips now! Wanna see!?" The black haired girl got up out the chair and crouched down ready to do a back flip in the middle of the kitchen. Stiles and Zayd hurried to protest.  
"No Please baby! Papa doesn't want a heart attack..." Stiles already felt his life span shorten by five years. Lily and her sister laughed joyously at the reaction from their brother and father as if their fear was the funniest thing to them. Netta climbed back on the chair and went back to eating her cereal. Stiles picked up her school bag that was discarded next her chair going through it as he usually did to see see what homework his daughter had for the weekend. He raised a brow as he saw a sort of flyer thing crumpled up at the bottom of her bag. Reaching in and pulling it out, his eyes widened as he read the flyer and then turned back to the table.  
"Everything alright dad?" Zayd asked at the man's strange expression on his face. Stiles just showed the flyer to Netta.  
"Netta, you have a dance recital this weekend?" He asked her with surprise and excitement. The girl nodded with her mouth full of chocolate coco puffs- she wasn't speaking with her mouth full, it's not good manners for a princess! "Why didn't you tell me baby?" Stiles asked as his daughter quickly swallowed and shrugged.  
"Thought you'd be busy." She said as Stiles scoffed.  
"I'd never be busy for your first dance recital!"  
"It's not my first though. " Netta said, innocently enough. Stiles paused at that, his daughter happily going back to eating her food. Zayd sensed the tone shift and didn't want to be around for this. He grabbed Lily with the promise of cuddles and stuffed animals. Netta watched as her brother left and her Papa sat down on the chair next to her.  
"Am I in trouble...?"  
"No no Netta!" Stiles tried to laugh before be began. "What do you mean this isn't your first one?"  
"I had one when I was in kindergarten. The bigger girls needed little fairy dance partners! You and daddy were busy with Lily." Again, she said it elegantly and blatantly and Stiles was kind of scared at how easily his daughter seemed to accept this fact. But...she didn't did she? Stiles remembers how many times Derek had to tell their daughter off for causing trouble, hearing it through his bedroom door while he kept an eye on Lily. Was Netta just acting out? What else did Derek and Stiles miss? How lonely was Netta during the year they were focused on Lily?  
It's not that he regrets it, Dr Naeem has helped him understand that it was okay to worry about Lily as much as he did. But that didn't mean that his other children, his daughter, had to be forgotten!  
"I am so sorry Netta-"  
"It's okay papa!" His sweet wonderful little girl smiled brightly. But that didn't help with Stiles guilt.  
"I'll come this time. I promise. And so will Zayd and even Lily!"  
"What about daddy?" It was this that Netta stopped stirring her spoon and just starred down at the bowl nervously. Stiles didn't know what to say as Netta continued; "I want daddy there too. But you two busy again this year so..." She promised she would be a good girl while her daddy and papa got back together again! She didn't want to bother them. Stiles moved forward and hugged the young girl tightly.  
"We'll both be there." He told her, smiling when she finally changed back to looking cheerful and dangerously hopeful.  
"Really!? Daddy will come!?"  
"I'll make sure of it Netta."

Maybe he shouldn't have promised Netta that her daddy would show up, especially if Derek was working again. That was just asking for a disaster as Stiles came to realise as he waited outside the school building that Saturday evening. He had dropped Netta of at school that morning and his daughter had been rehearsing with the other children in her class and the older kids from middle school all day. Her show would be closing act of this recital and started soon. Stiles told Derek he didn't care if Derek didn't come until Netta's dance just as long as he WAS HERE for Netta's dance. It would begin at 6:50 and right now it was 6:45. Still no sign of Derek. Which is why Stiles was trying to reach the asshole using his phone as he stood in the school parking lot while the parents enjoyed some refreshments before the final act- some parent having already left after their kid had done their routine.  
"Derek fucking Hale-" Stiles began angrily into the phone as it once again went to voicemail. Stiles would give up and head back in after he left Derek this one message, "You fucking promised that you'd come. What you've gone back to work for a week and already abandoning your commitments to your kid!? Netta hasn't done shit to deserve this! Go fuck yourself!" He hung up angrily and sighed into the quiet evening air.  
"You're lucky everyone's inside and too busy to hear that." Zayd laughed from the entrance. Stiles blushed in embarrassment , the pink on his face mixing with the red from his anger.  
"Sorry son. It's just you know...your dad..."  
"Yeah I know..." Zayd sighed expectantly before walking back inside with his Papa. He would give his dad a piece of his mind later and just hoped that Netta wasn't too upset to dance once she doesn't see Derek in the audience. They took their seat amongst the other parents. Stiles took notice of some of the couples around the room, chatting happily to each other and taking pictures together. He kinds wished he didn't have to see such public displays of affection, missing a time when he and Derek were so shameless towards each other like that. As sad as it sounded, he wished he was one of these couples that annoyed everyone around them with their love and happiness. Make everyone else as bitter as he was right now.  
The lights dimmed and the stage was lit up. From one side entered the middle school girls dressed in beautiful ballerina outfits. The other side, came a line of first graders dressed in simple black leotards and tights with sparkling. Stiles heart swelled with pride as he spotted Lily, looking concentrated and focused. She looked so adorable and gorgeous. He worried a little when he noticed her glancing to the audience, looking eyes with Stiles quickly.  
With that, the music started up.

The crowd clapped as the girl finished and headed backstage. Stiles was almost crying with how amazing his baby girl was! Once it cleared up a bit more and the teachers gave the okay, Zayd and Stiles headed backstage, both of them preparing for an awkward question about where Derek was. They weren't prepared for Derek already backstage with Netta talking to him excitedly while holding a mini bouquet of roses. The girl looked up at Stiles as he walked over with Zayd.  
"Papa! Did you like it?"  
"I love it baby!" He lent down and placed kisses all over her face. "You were the best one up there!" He told her proudly with a smirk. Netta giggled and held the flowers up to her Papa.  
"Look what daddy got me!"  
"I do see. They're beautiful." He glanced up at Derek who seemed on the spot. What, did he come and bribe her with flowers just to try and make up for missing her actual recital? Zayd moved to hug his sister and helped brush her hair out from the french braid her teacher had given her and all the other girls. The family then left once Netta got her jacket on. Zayd and Netta played together happily along the school courtyard while their parents talked near the car.  
"So...you were just late?"  
"I came just as the lights when off. By then there was no way to sit by your and Zayd without going through a bunch of people and potentially ruining the start of Netta's performance. So I took a seat at the back but stood up so Netta could see me and know I was there." Derek explained, rubbing the back of his next awkwardly. Stiles wondered if the man got his voicemail and wanted to apologise.  
"Listen...about that message on your phone..."  
"It's fine. My fault for being late. I just had a last minute meeting and then traffic-" He cut himself off there and bit his lip. Stiles heard it all before but it was the truth. He wanted to stop and get the flowers for Netta too. "It was a really important meeting..." He said weakly but honestly.  
"Okay...as long as you showed up." Stiles accepted. He was wrong to expect such a massive change but as long as Netta was happy, tonight was a granted success. Netta ran over to her parents, asking for pictures. Derek used his phone to take a picture for Stiles and Netta together and then handed his phone to Stiles so he could take the picture with the young girl and himself.  
Zayd then took a picture of all three of them and in that one picture, with both men kneeling on either side of his sister looking all close with their arms around her, everything seemed fine. Just for this one moment.

The next day, Sunday afternoon, Stiles was treating Lydia to lunch and headed towards a cafe in town. She babysat Lily last night after all and Stiles wanted to show how grateful he was even if Lydia told him she didn't care. Derek would be at work until 3pm today so Jackson was taking care of the kids right now, but Stiles wasn't going to treat him that's for sure. Maybe he'll bu Jackson a snack for when they head back.  
"How your sessions with Dr Naeem been going?" Lydia asked her friend. She had been a more passive friend in all this, at Stiles request. She knows that Scott had been kind of overwhelming Stiles and although she wanted to add her two cents too, what Stiles needed was a simple neutral friend to give him some normality. And if that's what Stiles wanted and needed, then that's what the redhead would do.  
"It's been going good. I feel better each time I talk to her." He said as they walked into a cafe, waiting at the entrance to be seated. Lydia nodded and was about to ask more until she stopped, her eyes filling with fury.  
"That bastard."  
"What? What's wrong Lydia?"  
"Look!" She pointed behind him and Stiles turned around and his eyes widened as he saw a sight he never wanted to see for as long as he lived.

Derek enjoying lunch with that fucking whore: Luke Russo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Netta's six so I tried my best to write as a girl her age. Unlike teens, kids dont understand what goes on with marital issues but they know when there is SOMETHING wrong and are still affected and react in kind.  
> Not THAT proud of this chapter so leave a comment and kudos.
> 
> My uni is still fucking about, apprently no one wants to answer my emails and no one is picking up the phone because of coronavirus so who knows if I'm homeless in september or not.  
> Oh well. Fuck me.
> 
> Thanks for the support and kudos. Leave a comment, as always comments motivate me to keep writing. Thank you all so much.


	30. Can We Move Forward?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek comes clean to Stiles about what he's been doing at work. The two make a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My authors note in chapter '29' was deleted so the numbers are are different. dont worry, nothing major just a quick note was deleted.

Stiles has been quiet for the past week and Derek is beginning to get worried. He's had his time with the kids as usual but Zayd tells him that Stiles hasn't been acting that different. But Derek knows he has he has- he's been different with Derek. He even caved and asked Dr Naeem about Stiles' sessions and if the younger man mentioned him but the good doctor predictably just told him that she couldn't reveal anything about Stiles' sessions; patient and therapist confidentiality and all that. She just told him to keep communicating with Stiles especially if the kids are involved. His husband hasn't been answering his phone and they're back to one word responses on text (if the man even responds). The last straw comes when he goes to pick up Lily from the daycare for his time with her and Netta but instead of Stiles meeting him at the entrance, Kira is there and tells Derek that Stiles took their baby home today.  
So, when he takes Netta home at around 6 in the evening that Friday, he plans not to leave until he speaks to Stiles. Their son opens the door and greets Netta then looks to Derek once the girl is in the house.  
"Was she okay today?"  
"She was fine." Derek said curtly, taking a step inside before Zayd could think to close the door. "Where's your father?"  
"Papa prepping dinner..." The boy answered hesitantly. "Maybe you shouldn't be here-"  
"No." Derek said firmly. They were finally...somewhere! He doesn't know if it was good or bad but they were finally talking, his husband wasn't leaving him in the dark and Derek will be damned if he after all their progress they go back to square one. "Go upstairs and keep your sisters busy. This is going to be important-" he stopped when he saw the worried expression on his son's face and the older man sighed. "We're not...it's not going to be some big argument like before..." Which 'before' instance he was referring to the man couldn't specify, there being a lot of instances where he and Stiles argued too much and too loud around their children. He couldn't promise things wouldn't get heated now, but he would try hard to keep the conversation focused and productive. Try to anyway.  
"Alright...Don't...Don't start shit again understand?" The boy glared at him and Derek was more proud than he was scared of the teen. He promised that he wasn't here to cause trouble and Zayd nodded, accepting this and trusting his dad (not completely though), before heading upstairs to Lily and Netta. Derek made his way to the kitchen, determination in every step.

Stiles was washing the vegetables in the sink when he heard all too familiar footsteps. He sighed and turned the water off. The brunette had expected this because of course he would be here. Of course Derek would come in here after Stiles had enough and clearly his message was received. With a cold gaze, his narrowed eyes turned to Derek who was waiting against the counter.  
"What's wrong with you?" Derek asked through gritted teeth, frustrated and annoyed but trying to remain calm. "You've gone all silent again and I don't know why! I haven't done anything-"  
"Bullshit." Stiles didn't want to hear any excuses or whatever crap was about to come out of this man's month. He should have known at all his good behaviour was just a front because in the end, Derek can't let go of his second life and whatever fantasy world they have been building together. Walking over to his bag on the kitchen table, Derek watching him carefully as he moved, and pulled out a set of papers before slamming them against the surface of the table. He felt some strange mix of heartbreak and sick satisfaction when he saw the scared looked Derek gave him. "I wanted to wait until this week end to send this to the courts and for them to deliver a copy to you. This is my draft for divorce papers. Because I have had enough of you making a fucking joke of me and our children!"  
"Stiles what are you talking about!?" The man argued desperately, confused and terrified.  
"I'm talking about you and that whore! Still seeing him behind my back!" Stiles raised his voice slightly but he was conscious that Zayd may be at the stairs listening in. "All this crap about wanting our family back together and acting like you've changed- all of it is shit and the only thing I regret is not seeing this sooner!  
"I have't been with Russo!" Derek said, wondering where the hell Stiles got this idea from. "I haven't seen him since New Years! Months ago! I promise!"  
"Evidently, your promises don't mean shit! My god how can you STILL lie to my face? I fucking saw you last week!" He saw the realisation hit his husband's face and again felt that sick satisfaction. "I was out with Lydia and I saw you having lunch with your side piece. So fuck off back to him! You'll get served these papers some time next week." He picked the papers up ready to put them back in his bag.  
"Stiles...it's not what you think."  
"Oh sure! Where have I heard that before?"  
"I swear! Look-" He quickly snatched the papers from Stiles and gripped them to his chest. "I will post these papers myself if a divorce is truly what you want right now! But please- just let me explain! If you still want this after knowing the full truth then I swear I'll take these to the court house myself,wait until it's approved and sign my name right then and there." Both men were starring at each other with baited breath because whatever Stiles said next would dictate their future from here on out. Derek would beg on his knees if Stiles didn't give an answer soon.  
"You have 10 minutes..." Stiles bit out, feeling stupid but also wanted answers. "Less if I hear anything close to lies."  
"Deal..." Derek relaxed only a little but quickly gathered himself to speak and get his side out.

Last Tuesday, Derek went back to work to for the first time in months. It started as normal; he parked up in his space, got out the car and greeted the receptionist as he walked into the building. Except this time, instead of going to his office, the man went into the elevator and up to the 4th floor to HR. He took a deep breath before knocking on Alan Deaton's office. The dark skinned man looked up from his desk as he invited Derek in.  
"Good morning Mr Hale. Thank you for coming."  
"Good morning..." Derek sat down opposite the man. "I'm sorry it took me so long to reply to your email."  
"No problem." Alan puled out a file. "Lets get started then. These are serious claims after all Mr Hale. You see, last month Mr Luke Russo came in with some pretty serious claims." And their it is. Derek always knew that Luke left way too quietly. The younger boy was spoiled, he couldn't handle rejection well so of course he couldn't just leave Derek and his family alone. Of course he would come back with some story to ruin Derek's career. He didn't really listen to Deaton as he read out the claims filed against him, something about him abusing his position, how Luke was helpless, some bullshit about Derek being the one pursuing him- honestly everything he expected all ending with Luke's 'unjust' dismissal.  
"Now, this is a meeting to establish your side of the story Mr Hale." Deaton said as he closed the file. "Then we'll communicate with Russo and have a few meeting with the two of you."  
"No." Derek shook his head and glared at the man opposite him. "I will do whatever is needed but I do NOT want to see Luke's face. I don't want any direct confrontation or communication with him." He didn't even want to be here right now. Alan looked hesitant but Derek wasn't budging. "Do I make myself clear!?" He repeated firmly.  
"I'll see what I can do." Deaton relented but made no promises.

Stiles was leaning against the kitchen counter while Derek was sat on the a chair at the table. He wasn't buying any of this, at least not completely. Derek had showed him the emails between him and Deaton over the next few meetings on his phone so clearly there was some truth to what Derek was saying. "That doesn't explain last Sunday!"  
"It was going fine..." Derek rubbed the back of his neck, feeling stressed as he was going through this again. "Then Saturday the claims got worse. It's why I was late to Netta's recital.."

"He fucking said what!?" Derek slammed his hand's against the desk as Alan pursed his lips. "NO! Tell me again EXACTLY what that little fucker said!" He was yelling down, voice bouncing off the walls of this small office.  
"In the recent meeting with him, he said...as he cried and broke down...that you took advantage of him. He's made vague implications to rape before but this time he's made more explicit accusations. That once your husband found out of your sexual relations, you had spun it to make him out as the homewrecker and that you even threatened him to keep quiet. It's why he hasn't come forward until recently." Derek had to laugh, he had to laugh at how fucking ridiculous this was. God, is this how Peter felt? No, his uncle didn't even hear the accusation against him until he was actually arrested. Which brought Derek to his next point.  
"Well why the fuck is he coming to HR? Not the cops? And evidence? Has he got any evidence of this shit or did he sit here weeping his eyes out with crocodile tears and you just felt sorry for him?" He narrowed his eyes at Deaton who looked exhausted and Derek KNEW the man was probably thinking that Derek was another man who would deny any sexual misconduct they've been accused of- he's has no doubt the man has probably dealt with his fair share of creeps and sick freaks but Derek was not one of them!  
"I can't say anymore for now Mr Hale." Deaton said. "I know you don't want to, but I have to recommend that I meet with you BOTH." Derek groaned and wanted to argue because if he was resistant to meeting Luke before he definitely didn't want to see the bastard now. But then Derek's phone pinged again and he looked down at the screen with cursed hiss and he saw he was running late for Netta's dance recital and just thought 'fuck it.'  
"Fuck it, fine! Make it happen!" He yelled to Deaton before marching out of his office, slamming the door behind him.

Which brought him to Sunday afternoon to some cafe in town. Apparently, Luke was too 'traumatised' to meet Derek within the building where Derek allegedly attacked him. The older man still can't believe the surreal atmosphere of this all like- this couldn't be real right? It all felt like a shitty nightmare someone didn't want to wake him up from. For the past few days, Derek had been suffering through this alone. He hasn't even told Boyd about this. Because why would he? Derek made his bed and now he had to lay in it- he slept with Luke and had to pay the consequences of it. He could put his hands up to some of the claims, the whole thing of Derek being Luke's superior and so responsibility of keeping the relationship professional falls on him- Derek understood that! But Luke came onto him, he seduced HIM. Luke had taken advantage of a weakness in Derek's emotional and mental state as well as his struggling marriage and used it against him.  
However, all that wold be hard to prove. As much was Luke didn't have evidence of 'rape', Derek didn't have much evidence on his side either. He had deleted all the text messages between him and Luke at new years eve, when he decided he wanted to break up with the bastard. Every message, sext and anything that showed Luke initiating communication with Derek was gone.  
While he mauled over his next course of action, Alan and Luke walked in. The man watched with annoyance as Luke whispered to Alan, looking nervous and fidgety- the shitty little actor. The pair sat down and Alan exchanged pleasantries with Derek who responded stiffly. Luke was looking down at his lap, playing the victim roll perfectly. Alan then received a call in the middle of getting set up and after Luke strangely encouraged the man, he got up and left to answer the call. The second the man was out the building, of course Luke's facade fell as he smirked at up at a glaring Derek. "Did you miss me Mr Hale?" He purred out  
"Fuck off. What kind of shit game are you playing?" He hissed out, aware they were in public. "I get you're pissed, but you fucking try to paint me as some kind of rapist!?"  
"You're the one that didn't want to see me! I had to say something so you couldn't avoid me!" Luke reached his hand out and gripped his hand only for a second before Derek shoved his hand away. He couldn't deal with this whiny brat and just pinched the bridge of his nose. "We belong together Derek! And if you just admit that then this could ALL go away-"  
"I'm getting back with my husband." Derek said vaguely. "We're working on your marriage and if it doesn't work out, then I would rather die alone than go back with you." He should have said this the first night Luke came onto him, he should have said it when he went to break up with him at the latest. He tried to be nice and let him down gently and look where they are now!  
"You're still trying to salvage a sinking ship?" Luke narrowed his eyes and he didn't get to say anything more as Derek waved him off dismissively just as Alan Deaton came back and they got down to the meeting.

Stiles didn't know what to say...Derek showed him the emails and messaged as he spoke, letting Stiles hold his phone and scroll through to verify his story. "Wh-WHAT!? That's ridiculous! Just because you chose our family over him he's trying to paint you as some predator!?"  
"Stiles it's fine-"  
"It's not fine Derek!" He might not be his husband's biggest fan right now, and Derek was a lot of disgusting things but he was no rapist. "We have friends who saw him kiss you in my very house, in my back garden! If you need witnesses then we have some! That asshole-" How DARE he even try to land his the father of his children in jail just because he was bitter that Derek was no longer giving him attention. Derek shook his head.  
"No Stiles- I mean it doesn't matter because I QUIT MY JOB!" He yelled, trying to be heard over Stiles' frantic ranting. He seemed to succeed as Stiles looked towards him in shock. "Well Alan came back, he said that Luke wanted a settlement of 100,000-" Yet another reason that Luke's story was bulllshit, what victim of rape or sexual assault accepts or even wants money for their silence when their abuser hasn't even offered? "So I just gave it."  
"You...You gave him 100,000?"  
"And then some." He smirked as he remembered Luke's stunted and surprised expression. "I...Stiles that job was something I took up just because I had no other passion. Then when I met you and knew I wanted to start a life with you, give you a family and not struggle like we were back in that shit apartment, being lawyer just made sense to financially secure us. Then it became a place that I used to excuse my cowardice. I don't need it anymore." He said sincerely, needing Stiles to believe him. He took his phone back from Stiles and pulled up the email from Deaton this same morning with an attached form Derek would have to fill to confirm his resignation. What was Derek going to lose? 100,000 to be free from a shit job, his ex fling to leave him alone, and his family was already on the fence with him- there wasn't anything else Luke could take from Derek. Especially now that Stiles has expressed eye witness accounts available if the young man should return with serious rape accusations. "I...I wanted to tell you.."  
"Then why didn't you?" Stiles asked harshly, back to angry and annoyed and hurt. "You KNEW how much you seeing him again would mean to me, you could have told me the night before-"  
"Would you have listened?" Derek asked him seriously. Not to call him out or be pathetic but because he was genuinely curious. "Would you really have listened to what I had to say? You saw me with Luke in a cafe without knowing what led up to it and already went for divorce. You said yourself that you were going to send in your divorce petition this weekend."  
"Do not try to change this one me!" Stiles glared to which Derek thankfully shut his mouth and looked guilty. "You should have told me no matter how I reacted! You can't keep these kinds of secrets from me Derek! It's not right!"  
"I know! I know and I'm sorry!" Derek swallowed down the lump in his throat. "I just...I wanted to protect you. Our family. I slept with Luke, I fucked everything up and this was me facing the music for my shit actions in work. I fucked up and I needed to own up to it. You..."  
"I what!?"  
"You were getting better Stiles!" Derek prayed to whoever would listen that Stiles didn't think Derek was attacking him when he said this. "I...Ever since Lily was born you have no idea how hard it was seeing you cry everyday, suffering and that was just me watching. I can't imagine how you were yourself was feeling. But these last few weeks, months ever since I've been gone and you've finally been getting help- You're better! You go out more, you're more confident and it's just...You've been doing so well Stiles. The last thing I wanted was for you to get involved or caught up in more of my shit that isn't to do with our family. Not really." It was a work issue really. If he did get to the point of court and possible jail time then of course he would tell Stiles. "But you're right, I can't keep stuff like this from you. I fucked up bad with that, but I promise the last thing I wanted was to hurt you. I...I wanted to solve this without hurting you. That's all."  
Stiles didn't know what to think. Derek seemed to be telling the truth but all this proved was that, Stiles still had trust issues with Derek from how quick he wanted a divorce, and Derek, with how he kept this from Stiles, still thought it was okay to keep secrets from Stiles when it wasn't- no matter how good his intentions. He noticed the way his husband's green eyes darted to the side, starring at the papers on the table still- the unspoken question clearly in the air.  
"I...Derek you cannot lie to me or keep things like this from me."  
"I know."  
"I get it okay, most of that was out of your control and you did try to keep space physically between you and Luke..." Credit where credit due. He's tried to work on his issues of thinking that every action anyone did was somehow attacking him, again with the help of their good doctor. "But..."  
"But I shouldn't have let it go so far. I should have told you when I had the first meeting." Derek got where he messed up, no excuses. Dr Naeem helped him accept responsibility at points too. Silence fell between them again as Stiles sighed and finally pushed the papers off the table and let them scatter to the floor. He stepped towards Derek who stepped forward to him too.  
"i'm sorry I kept this from you."  
"I'm sorry I didn't trust you."  
"You don't need to apologise for that. I haven't given you a reason to trust me." And god knows this wouldn't help. Stiles let out a teary laugh and Derek resisted reaching out and pulling him close. "So where do you want to go from here?" He asked gently, letting Stiles gather himself before nodding.

"I think it's time for another joint session with Rani."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before anyone starts, just to confirm that I still haven't decided on a sterek ending or not yet so yeah just keep that in mind.
> 
> I wrote this chapter pretty late time wise like it is 4am now as I'm typing this. So hopefully you all like and forgive if there are more grammar mistakes than usual.  
> Thank you for all the support and feedback. This chapter was a bit more predictable but at the same time it felt natural for me to go in this direction. I might come back to this and add stuff because I feel like some parts might be missing? I don't know. I'll decide later.
> 
> Comments and kudos motivate so thank you so much guy and hope you enjoy.


	31. Too Early or Too Easy, Maybe Both

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayd has a support system and Derek and Stiles take a step back and maybe 2 steps forward.

Zayd was tasked with playing outside with Lily and Netta, keeping the girls distracted while his parents once again were inside talking to Papa's therapist. The teenager was aware that his parents has somehow some to an agreement to move forward in a way, what that entailed Zayd wasn't sure of and honestly? He was a little scared. All seemed fine with Papa when he returned home from lunch with Lydia, he came in, had a fruit bar, got the girls ready for a bath and everything. It wasn't until he saw the divorce papers peaking out from his dad's bag later did he feel fear settling in. Because Zayd still has yet to fully forgive his dad for what he's done to their family, specifically Papa. But he at least thought his family was getting better in some ways, sure Derek still wasn't living with them at home and sure Papa still only really talked to his dad when it was really necessary; but they were better, or at least getting better.  
Papa didn't look so scared every time Lily cried over something simple like a diaper change, he wasn't too scared to leave the kids with other people as much. Derek actually wanted to be around them for more than just out of guilt, or at least Zayd liked to think so. His dad started work again and didn't totally disappear like he has the past year even if the job was concerning. And between the two, things weren't so tension filled as before, they were at least talking about their problems now instead of throwing cheap shots and insults, if the fact they were talking to a therapist together now and the shredded petition pages in the trash was anything to go by.  
He does wonder what Derek did though, to make Papa suddenly attempt to get the divorce process started. Derek must have messed up bad, Zayd knows his Papa may have been blinded by rage at the time too. None of the men informed Zayd of their conversation topic after the argument was done, just that they agreed to talk to their Doctor the following week (after at least one more private session each) and that they would need Zayd to keep an eye on his sisters in the garden during that time to which the young man agreed to do wholeheartedly.

Which brought Zayd to now, in his back garden sat on a chair while he watched his sisters play on a picnic blanket and Netta trying to convince their sister to drink the invisible tea in one of her princess teacups, Lily more interested in hitting set cup against the blanket rather than drink from it. While he resisted the urge to ease drop on his parents, he thankfully got distracted by his phone buzzing. Stephen's name lit up the screen and Zayd smiled gently to himself as he answered the call. His Lacrosse Captain had been an unexpected shoulder of support during his family drama. Of course Stephen has always been a very fair and caring senior, but in the role of his captain, Zayd often felt intimidated by him, from how easily leading suicide drills and blunt words during training, Zayd was surprised on how the older boy acted off the field rather once Zayd was officially part of the team. He was still very captain like, but much more in a big brother sense to the teammates. No one wanted to disappoint him and he commanded respect just when he walked into a room. However, just because Stephen is how he is with the team, Zayd just couldn't help feeling special whenever the Captain gave him one on one attention off the field and away from Lacrosse.  
"Hi dude, are you busy?" His voice sounded through the phone.  
"No, just babysitting my sisters." Zayd replied lightly  
"Really, can you take my sisters then to? I'll pay you." Stephen joked, smirking when he heard the younger one fail to hide a snort. "Anyways, I'm just calling because I was packing for college and cleaning out my room while I'm at it and I found some of my old notebooks and essays. You want them? Probably put it to good use and add to them with your brain!"  
"I'm only a freshman, am I going to even need those that soon?"  
"Hey you're that much younger than me you know! You just turned 15 right? You'll be 18 before you know it."  
"Yeah...Guess I will."

The pair talked idly for awhile, about Stephen's school, when he would be back and how excited he was that Zayd would be the new captain soon if his recommendation to the coach has anything to do with it. Zayd laughed.  
"I don't think I would be able to handle being captain."  
"Why not!?" The older boy asked, almost offended.  
"Well after a great captain like you, I don't I'd be able to handle the pressure." Zayd joked, well half. It was part of the reason. "Plus, some of the senior players are already mad at me for being part of the first string over them. Who knows what will happen if the freshman rookie ends up Captain-"  
"Hey I'm gonna stop you right there!" Stephen said sternly, his tone serious. "You deserve to be on first string and up for Captain, to BE the leader. Have some of the guys been giving you a hard time? Give me there names right now."  
"No one's done anything!" Zayd said quickly, again feeling special even if Stephen was just looking out for a teammate. "I just wanna stay in my lane that's all." He chuckled hearing Stephen scoff so decided to move the conversation on. "Anyway, I wanna focus on my family before I think about all this."  
"How are you holding up with that?" He could hear the older boy sit down on his bed or something. "And don't give me crap about not wanting to burden me. I told you I take care if you idiots on and off the field. Just because you don't come out to party anymore doesn't mean you don't just mope at home."  
"Stalking me?" Zayd teased, laughing softly for a moment. "Thanks though...and I am doing alright honest. Nothing really gotten better but nothings gotten worse either." He frowned slightly, feeling his mood drop slightly and Stephen couldn't have that.  
"Yeah well, if you ever need a place to stay, I'm sure my mom will take you in as some surrogate child while she grieves for me." He rolled his eyes but smiled when he heard the younger boy laugh.  
"You're going to college. You're not dead!"  
"Please come over and tell her that!" He begged and once again conversation and banter flowed easily between the two. And even if it was just going to be for an hour, Zayd felt just that little bit lighter. Felt that tiny bit more special.

Inside, Derek and Stiles waited patiently for Dr Naeem to phone in, Stiles double checking his phone and email for the time to make sure they weren't a day early or something. Soon enough, the familiar ring of the video camera connecting caught the attention of both men and the south asian women appeared on screen and greeted then as she normally did. Once they greeted her back and a few seconds of small talk, they got continue swiftly.  
"Again, apologise for being late gentlemen." She said once more while she got their latest information up on her screen. "Now, Mr Stilinski, you were the one to initiate this call after recent events which you both have explained separately to me which we will revisit soon. But first I must ask that you Mr Stilinski have expressed something to me which I think Derek should be able to hear given the subject matter." She said, shooting the man a look who looked nervous but nodded nonetheless. Derek just looked confused.  
"Um...a the night of Netta's dance recital, when I got home...I emailed Dr Naeem about possibly starting couples therapy with you."  
"Seriously...?" Derek was almost full of hope but by the look in Stiles' eyes, it seems he spoke too soon.  
"I wanted to. I did...but then on Sunday when I saw you with Luke- I don't know anymore. Or I'm not as confident in taking that step as before." Stiles was starring down at his lap the whole time because he didn't trust himself not to cave when if he saw Derek's disappointed expression.  
"Oh...I get it..."  
"Do you Derek?" Rani asked, the brunette waiting expectantly.  
"Yes...I told Stiles I wouldn't see Luke again. I made a promise. And I tried, really I did but that doesn't matter. What made this all worse was that I lied- I should have told Stiles about what the meetings were about. I should have told him that night that I would have to see Luke and the reason for it. I broke his trust twice now...and I'm still so sorry..." Derek sighed out, feeling like he was yet again ruining his marriage when all he tried to do was safe it, safe Stiles from dealing with Luke further.  
"And Stiles? What do you think of Derek's actions and how handled things?" Rani moved on promptly to the man on the other side of the couch. Stiles shrugged a little.  
"I mean...I get it, when he talked about why and stuff. But it still hurt. You told me you were going back to work, I presumed all those meetings were about work. Not Luke. Like what else were or ARE you hiding from me? I still don't know if Deaton was even really at that stupid cafe even if you showed me proof... Okay maybe I should have heard the whole things instead of seeing them and then heading straight to the courthouse for divorce papers..."  
"No you shouldn't have." Rani agreed.  
"But that's my fault!" Derek quickly interrupted to Stiles surprise. "The only reason he thought the worst was because I gave him reason too! He wasn't wrong to not trust me!"  
"I never said he was wrong." Rani pursed her lips, her expression unreadable as always and was unnerving as always. "My point is that there is still clearly growth and communication needed between the two of you. Derek, Stiles is going to have trust issues with you, way beyond just the affair. Every lie you tell is a disservice to him gaining trust in you again and a disservice to your marriage. Do I make myself clear?"  
"Yes ma'am..." Derek felt like a child being rightfully scolded by his mother.  
"And Stiles, we've worked on your almost compulsive instinct in regards to jumping to the worst case scenarios from what people think of you to Lily's health. Now as I told Derek, every lie good willed or not will impact you negatively and that's expected. But Derek is also expected to make his mistakes and as hard as it may be,you have to be prepared and be ready to accept times for when he DOES tell the truth instead of waiting or digging further to find a lie when there isn't one. Again this will be difficult and we will work together on it as well as cooperation from Derek. Understood?"  
"Yes Dr..." Stiles bit his lip but like Derek easily accepted the women's advice.  
"Luckily for both you perhaps, I contacted Alan Deaton when you expressed your doubt Stiles and I can verify that Derek did indeed only see Luke that one time in the cafe, both with anger and great reluctance before and I quote 'basically throwing money at Mr Russo, proceeding to call him a hooker and stormed out.' after Derek proclaimed his resignation." Rani resisted an amused smirk of her own as both men seemed to try and hold back their chuckled. "I assume the resignation is finial then Mr Hale?"  
"Ahem..yes Ma'am." Derek replied after he cleared his throat and stopped trying not to smile. "I handed it in with the official amount of money after Stiles and I talked." God knows HR would have called him in anyway for calling Luke a whore if he did stay. Rani watched Stiles with great interest.  
"Does that make you better Stiles?" Said man nodded his head, albeit reluctantly because although cynical he trusted Rani's words more than Derek's at the moment. "Now Derek, just because I was able to verify your story, doesn't mean you will always have that chance. In this instance you were innocent but make no mistake, you caused these doubts Stiles had and will continue to have unless you be honest with him 100 percent from now on. Good or bad, you have to tell him everything; granted you had good intentions and even I doubt that Stiles would have reacted with understanding once Mr Russo's name came up. HOWEVER, it's not your place to decide how he is going to react and what information he should and shouldn't know. You face these tough conversations and navigate through it instead of avoiding it. Not talking from both of you started this whole thing. " Derek voiced his agreement and understanding once more. Rani sighed and realised that the two may need more time before they considered couples therapy again. But apart form this hiccup, they seemed to be doing better than they were. The trouble is maintaining that rhythm.

"Now, you both have been keeping up well in regards to progressing with the children." She praised, it was important to acknowledge their achievement so far even though this meeting was prompted by a serious issue. "So I recommend to keep moving forward with that. What are the next steps you would both be comfortable with? Derek?"  
"I...I wanna be able to look after them in our-" He cut himself off quickly. "In..Stiles home. I think its a bit hectic right now with them always coming over to me, even if I got my own place." He was looking into it honestly but he didn't want to buy a new home when he was still hoping that Stiles and he would work it out. Though that was looking more unlikely by the minute. Rani looked over to Sties for his input.  
"I guess that would be alright." Stiles did feel bad his friends had to come around to babysit his kids while Stiles builds his budding social life up. Derek's their father, their friends shouldn't be doing his responsibilities. "I'd have to make sure that Zayd is alright with Derek in his space."  
"Of course, the kids' comfort is number one." The women was glad that seemed to be a simple enough decision for them. "Now, I for the time being I want you two to continue as you have been. With one added condition." The two estranged husbands listened intently. "I want you both to set aside time to talk to each other, face to face, in the same room for the next few weeks- also with conditions. You will not speak about the cheating incident- "she didn't they were ready to have that conversation raw and by themselves just yet, "You will not speak about your relationship future or past. I want it neutral and most of all honest. Communication is a big issue for you two, whether it's not talking enough and lying or talking to much and not listening. No, you two will sit twice a week for one hour alone face to face and talk away from the children or with one of them - BUT NOT ALL THE TIME!" The women didn't want them using their children has some avoidance tactic to talk to each other. "After each talk, you will both separately tell me about it in our next session respectively. Any problems?"  
Derek and Stiles glanced at each other nervously. What would they even talk about? They've had nothing but screaming matches the past year and barely manage a conversation now even with Rani's help. Derek looked so damn desperate though, as if realising how close he was to moving onto the next step with Stiles only to ruin it. Now he was back wondering where they stand.  
"I'll do it." He agreed, watching with baited breath as Stiles clenched his fists against his thighs but eventually agreed too.  
"Excellent. I'll book another joint session like this in a few weeks and see where you stand from there." Clearly the unspoken reference to Stiles former interest in couples therapy was there but no one would explicitly mention it. All three said their farewells and Dr Rani Naeem hung up the call and as always once she was offline, Derek and Stiles sighed heavily in relief. They feel back against the couch and the older man looked over to his exhausted husband.

"Thank you." He said, earning an eyebrow raised from Stiles. "For...agreeing to let me take care of the kids in the house. It really means alot."  
"I'm only thinking of the kids Derek." Stiles reminded him, not wanting to give the man any false hope. "It'll most likely only be when I go out or something. You can still have your days out with Lily and Netta and still have your afternoons with Zayd after practice when he wants." Hell, Stiles would still need to talk to Zayd about his Dad slowly coming back into the house.  
"I'm sorry again by the way..."  
"I don't need to hear your apologises again Derek." Stiles said tiredly, rubbing his temple. "I just, need you to show it. You keep saying you're sorry and you understand but I need to see it." There was a pleasing undertone, the brunette being close to begging because they were just so damn close to taking the step forward. Now Stiles was back to how he felt when he first found out about Derek cheating and was so heartbroken he just wanted his husband back. But like back then, Stiles knew that if he forgave Derek too early or they just went back to how they were so easily then he would feel like an idiot. Stiles was considering couples therapy and once again he felt stupid when Derek clearly thought it was okay to lie to him!  
"Yo're right." Derek sighed as he got up. "I'm just going to say bye to the girls and head out unless you need anything."  
"No you're fine....Just head to the garden." Stiles replied, getting up and following him to the garden, needing to bring the kids inside anyway since it was getting late.

Netta ran over to her Daddy who gave her a hug and mad him sit down with her and Lily on the picnic blanket. Allowing the man a few minutes with his daughter, watching as Derek pulled Lily onto his lap, Stiles sat down besides Zayd who for once didn't seem to notice his Papa's presence. He watched with a blissful smile as Zayd looked so happy just listening to whoever was on the phone talk and Stiles had a slight suspicion he knew who it was. Glancing to the side, the teenager blushed once he saw his Papa smirking at him and quickly cut the call short, a quick goodbye and shoved his phone back into his jacket pocket.  
"Papa hi!" He chuckled nervously, Stiles shaking his head. "So um...you two done talking to the doctor?" He asked, going from embarrassed to serious quickly. Shrugging, Stiles rested his chin on his knuckles.  
"It went well...your father is going to start babysitting you kids when I'm out." Which sounded like such a strange oxymoron- a father babysitting his own kids? Makes no sense yet that's where they are today. "That alright with you?"  
"I think so..." Zayd shrugged, again he had mixed feelings about his father even picking him form school, loving that he was around but suspicious about his intentions. "Are you okay with it?"  
"I am." Stiles reassured the boy, leaning over and wrapping an arm around him. They watched Derek play with Lily and Netta, smirking when the tall muscly man was made to wear a tiara that even Lily got fussy and threw away whenever Netta placed it on her head.

"So...did that nice Captain of yours call to ask you out or are you happy and giddy for a different reason?"  
"PAPA!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With any marital issues that people try to resolve, often the expectation is that the only way- the ideal way- is to only get better or whats the point? And although understandable, that's not the reality of things. Your partner or both of you will mess up along the way and because of the expectation of perfection set from the start, one slip up and people throw in the towel to quick and too fast when progress and healing isn't something that happens over night or smoothly.
> 
> It was interesting to say the least how some people interpreted the last chapter so thank you for all the feedback! Leave a comment and kudo. I appreciate all the support and love and remember that comments motivate me to write.


	32. I Feel Wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles comes to terms with some feelings in Therapy before his first 'talk' session with Derek right after. Both men learn something about themselves and each other.

A week after the joint session, Stiles is talking with Naeem over the camera has he always does at this time. Lily was fast asleep, Zayd was invited out by some friends and Netta was getting ice cream with Derek- whom Stiles hasn't talked to properly since last week. He was still mad and hurt and confused, after everything they've been through, after all the lies how did Derek think we was acceptable to hide meeting his mistress behind his back!?  
Okay that was a lie. Stiles understood a little, at least this time Derek wasn't out to hurt him or something, hell it sounded like he was trying to do the opposite and cut ties permanently without actually having to see the younger man which Stiles could appreciate but it was the principle of the thing! How was he meant to trust Derek when he still thought hiding things from him was okay? However, Rani assured him that Derek was telling the truth and even then that doesn't mean Stiles suddenly should trust him or forgive him. Which is what they were currently talking about: Forgiveness.  
"Stiles, do you remember when we spoke about you having some form of depression?" Rani asked gently.  
"Kind of." Came Stiles hesitant response. He remembers it all vividly.  
"You were very adamant that that wasn't the case. If you don't mind me saying, I feel like there's something deeper to that." She said gently and sat back. "There's more to your guilt in regard to Lily than just her condition isn't there?" The elderly woman watched the man on her screen carefully. They had been building up to this realisation with every session, Rani gradually digging deeper into why he held such responsibility for what happened which went beyond just labelling it with postpartum depression. Stiles took a few deep breaths and looked crushed with what he was going to admit a loud.  
"When Lily was born, Derek drew away from me. Our family. And I drew back too all for her. Then my children suffered from loneliness too..." He still can't get over how he missed Netta's first dance recital. "And everything was going wrong so quick and so fast and-" The brunette looked close to tears and still Rani pushed for him to continue.  
"Go on. Say it Stiles."  
"And I hated her." He sobbed, clamping a hand over his mouth because he can't believe what he just fucking said and wanted to vomit right then and there. The women on the computer screen looked passive as always. "I hated my own daughter. And I just...There was a moment when I hoped that she did die! And I know that makes me a horrible person for even thinking that."  
"No one is calling you a horrible person Stiles."  
"Because no one knows! I've never told anyone because they were all already giving me this look of hopeless pity! They were all feeling sorry for the man who couldn't even provide his daughter with the right things from birth! And now that same man wished death on his own daughter!" Stiles cried harder and Rani let him go on like that for a few minutes until he calmed down enough.  
"And I'm guessing you didn't tell Derek any of this either."  
"Of course not. He was already ashamed to have his shell of a husband." Stiles grumbled sadly. How would he react if he knew I hated our daughter?"  
"How long did you feel like this?" She wanted to circle back to Derek in regards to this but only with time.  
"A few days after she was born and a day after we brought her home. I hated myself every time the thought crossed my mind And I know, I KNOW I shouldn't have felt that way about my own daughter, my baby girl who almost died..." He said again, as if punishing himself and Rani let him cry again undisturbed once more.

"To resent your newborn or children is actually a common thing amongst parents, especially after a traumatic experience relating to them." She began carefully, Stiles was in a vulnerable state now after all, she had to be gentle with how she would put this. "It's especially common among people with postpartum depression, the irrational fear and blame has to latch onto something and the closest thing you relate your dying child to is the child themselves. Then as quick as you landed on the idea unintentionally, you feel horrified that you could even think that." She watched the look of desperation in Stiles eyes as he listened to her. "After that, you attach the blame onto yourself, with the already added self inflicted blame of what happened you now have guilt of ever resenting your child."  
Stiles nodded his head as she spoke, because it made sense. It made sense why he dotted on Lily beyond just making sure she was okay, he was driven by the guilt he felt of ever wanting her die in the first place.  
"But even so...that doesn't make me right to feel how I did."  
"No it's not excuse it. Or justifying it either you're right." She agreed with him easily. "It's a horrible situation Stiles. But you need to know that you're not alone. There are a lot of parents who have felt the resentment you have and the guilt that follows even if it was just a passing thought during grief. But that doesn't mean you love Lily any less, it doesn't mean you've failed her." She felt a little proud seeing the man before her accept what she was saying easily, which she might not be able to say about his potential reaction in a few minutes. "I'm going to send you some numbers of these men and women in a support group. You don't have to officially join the group, but at least to talk to one of them. This women, Malia, she had a similar experience with her own child. It's up to her to give you the details but my point of this is to expose you to people who are like you, they'll give you empathy not sympathy and you can see that you're not alone in how you feel Stiles." Rani encouraged, sending him a link which he clicked on instantly.  
"Thank you Dr Naeem..." He said, voice a little raw but nonetheless he was grateful.

"Now, I want to bring this back to Derek because it's an important step in the long term for you rather than just your relationship." Talking to other is all well and good for Stiles, but she needed both him and Derek to communicate to each other about things they had yet to discuss. She saw Stiles tense up already and the women could already feel his defences going up. "You have talked about Derek abandoning your family and so on in regards to cheating and before in regards to the aftermaths of your newborns birth. Can you expand?"  
"He wasn't there. I don't understand how many time I have to say this." He grumbled annoyed and a little angry. "Yes, I get he was the one who witnessed what happened with Lily. But instead of checking to see if she was alright from then on, he didn't even hold her for weeks after she was born! He didn't hold her!" Stiles complained blatantly. "And alright, he was there before but it's not like he did much for Lily-"  
"What about your other children?" Rani asked slowly. "And I specifically mean before the cheating." That seemed to stunt Stiles then and there. "You and him have both said that you were confined to your room, all your focus on Lily. You've also talked about how your other children were subsequently on the back burner- and we have established that's not your fault. But Derek was there wasn't he?" She challenged and Stiles pursed his lips. "Tell me what he did Stiles."  
"He...Derek took over the house. Or tried to anyway..." He almost laughed at the amount of pizza boxes and indian takeaway containers around the house the first few months Lily was home because Stiles was too upset to cook and Derek- well he almost always set the house on fire. "He helped the kids with their homework, took Zayd to practice and helped with Netta when she was acting up. He- He helped with Lily. Or again tried to when I let him..."  
"Your actions were understandable then Stiles." Dr Naeem reminded him. Stiles nodded and looked down, not really knowing where to go from here so Rani continued. "I'm not asking you to acknowledge this as to make you 'remember the good times' or something asinine like that. I'm saying this because whatever happens to you two, its important that you don't ignore each other like you have been." It's no secret that both Stiles and Derek have neglected Stiles obvious mental health and it was good that they both know he has postpartum depression and subsequent anxiety. However, there is one part that almost everyone is quick to dismiss when it comes to traumatic experiences with newborns. "You both need to reach out to each other and I think talking to each other this evening will help if we address this now."  
"What exactly are you referring to doctor?"  
"Stiles, Are you aware that fathers- " specifically the men who don't actually give birth, " can suffer from post natal depression too?" Stiles raised a brow in confusion. "It's something that gets shoved under the rug or not seen as often when it comes to depression related to pregnancies and birth. I can't say much, but you and Derek both have displayed symptoms but different coping mechanisms for what happened with Lily. Now I don't want you to think for a moment that this somehow excuses his cheating but depression causes a lot but not disloyalty." She said sternly before Stiles jumped to some conclusion of Rani taking sides. "However, it does cause problems which contributed to things getting worse within your marriage. And with both of you suffering yet none of you actually reaching out to one another it only got worse for you both. Does that make sense?" Stiles reacted in kind or typically of someone people would presume has postpartum depression, but Derek had the expectation of being a spouse who was meant to be there supporting his grieving and depressed husband, yet the man had no time to grieve for himself. Annoyingly for Dr Naeem, Derek was more reluctant to acknowledge his depression. Stiles was thankfully cooperating with her more unlike his husband.  
"So what? I'm meant to feel sorry for him!? After everything he did?"  
"No. You two are meant to understand better than anyone how the other feels- as fathers who almost lost a daughter. Separate your perspective of a rightfully enraged man who was cheated on and instead remember that the two of you shared a horrific experience. An experience you were alone in. Remember that neutral ground when you go see Derek today."  
Stiles bit his lip and nodded. The session came to an end and Stiles felt both lighter and heavier at the same time.

Later that evening, Derek was waiting in the guest room of Boyd's house, waiting for the arrival of his husband. His family had arrived 10 minutes ago and after a few minutes of playing with his children and awkward conversation with Zayd, the dark haired man made his way up the stairs and into the bedroom to make sure everything was tidy and didn't reflect months of sleepless nights and despair. Boyd and Erica were going to keep an eye on the kids while the couple talked about...something. He wasn't sure what 'neutral' conversation they could have without it turning ugly but Derek wanted to try. He fucked up recently when they were doing relatively well so he was going to give anything a shot and just watch carefully which steps he took now.  
Stiles entered the room slowly and locked eyes with his husband, standing at the door awkwardly and somewhat guarded.  
"Hi."  
"Hey." It hurt, the clear space between them both physically and emotionally, but it's been there longer than either man cared to admit. Derek gestured to the bed and watched with baited breath as Stiles eyes darted to the door as if ready to turn around and run, to send Dr Naeem an email about how he couldn't do this and just wanted to file for a divorce (that possibility is constantly on Derek's mind lately after seeing those oh so real papers). Instead, the brunette gripped the door and shut it behind him before going over to the bed and sitting down. He was somewhat grateful when Derek sat on the other side with as much space as possible between them.  
They sat in silence for awhile, Derek sometimes gazing at his husband now and then but mostly kept his eyes to the floor or mattress. Stiles was constantly starring at Derek though. This man who he's loved for years that suddenly feels like a stranger to him, someone he used to be able to talk nonsense to and yet now couldn't even begin a conversation with. It was all so surreal and sad. His mind wondered to his session with Dr Naeem a few hours prior. She said they couldn't talk aboout cheating or their relationship status for the future, but she clearly gave him the okay to ask and question Derek on other things. Taking a deep breath, Stiles spoke with reluctance and determination.  
"Why didn't you hold Lily after that time in the hospital?" He asked finally. Hes asked this plenty of times before, but as Dr Naeem has helped him realise, Stiles has a habit of already deciding the answer to a question he asks. Before he thought Derek was just being an ass and a coward and in fairness, Derek never gave an answer for him to think otherwise. Always a grunt or sad look but never an answer. That's something the black haired man has been working on with the Dr in his own session and realising the hard way that Stiles needs to hear what he thinks and feels if there is to be any trust between them.  
"Same reason we obsessively sheltered her and placed baby monitors everywhere in the house- I was scared she would die." He admitted to his husband, still avoiding his eyes. "I held her and she stopped breathing. It made me think that if I held her a home, no doctors and no immediate care if something did happen, then Lily would die in my arms and it would somehow be my fault."  
"That made sense to you?" Stiles questioned gently.  
"It did. Took me months to accept that it wouldn't happen. Before then I forced myself to hold Lily just so you could sleep when I got back from work." Derek was growing anxious the more he talked. Would Stiles think he was saying all this to gain brownie points? Would Stiles think it was all bullshit? He had no reason to believe him after all and Derek told him as much. "I get it if you think I'm talking shit."  
"I get it actually." Because he did. That irrational fear and burden of responsibility, even with Therapy and multiple doctors reassuring him it wasn't his fault, Stiles still had that voice in the back of his head telling him that he fucked up not providing enough for Lily. Derek almost knew instantly was Stiles was thinking.  
"You had it worse than me. I was just being a coward but you were much worse and was feeling like shit-"  
"Don't tell me how I feel-"  
"I'm not I just-"  
"Nothing! I don't need you of all people trying to tell me what I should and should not-" They both paused and took a deep breath, lowering their voices and wondering what the hell they were thinking. "I just mean...I don't want you thinking I was weak back then. I tried so hard okay?"  
"I know you did Stiles. God - you have no idea how strong you actually were and still are. " Derek praised, again he hoped Stiles didn't think he was doing it to kiss his ass. He just needed his husband to know that he did much better handling all this than he thinks, did much better than Derek.

Stiles used to come see Derek in court, he's seen the man reduce witnesses to tears and almost just scare the judge into ruling in his favour, not that he needed to- Derek was a brilliant lawyer and his points and arguments were impeccable. It was always a surprise to people when Stiles would talk about how his husband is gentle and nothing but a little cuddle puppy at home. But to see him now, to see him so avoidant and distance the last few months and a broken man surprised even Stiles the extent to which this man has changed, and he felt some sort of satisfaction. Well he felt vindicated at least.  
There was no satisfaction from it though.  
"You, Scott, Dad and everyone...you all talked about how I had postpartum depression or something that meant I needed therapy." Stiles sighed. "You may have been right, and even if I don't exactly like you right now...thank you for seeing something wrong with me."  
"I don't deserve thanks." Derek said, he wanted to say more. He wanted to say that he should have done more instead of just taking Stiles shoves and cheating, but that would have been breaking Rani's rules bringing up the cheating. The implication was there though, he saw the unspoken argument reach Stiles when he scowled a little.  
"My point is...Derek, were you depressed too?" He asked with difficulty, question of doubt in his head as Derek tensed up.  
"I don't..." The man sighed. "Stiles I don't want you making excuses for me."  
"I'm not!" Stiles stopped him angrily, glaring at him. "I'm asking you why the hell you couldn't just talk to me! I'm asking why you put everything into work and trying to be there for our kids when you couldn't fucking handle it to begin with!" Stiles breathed out desperately. "Talk to me dammit!"  
"That's rich coming from you." Derek scoffed, sick of having the same conversation by now. "When was I meant to talk Stiles!? When you were crying every few seconds? Between Netta breaking every vase in the house? Trying to keep on top of the cases that decided to build up every time I cam home early?"  
"Are you seriously blaming me!?"  
"No listen!" Derek begged. "I COULDN'T be depressed alright?" He explained this to Dr Naeem a long time ago. "Everything was already falling apart and I didn't want any strain on you! Every time we talked we argued! I didn't want that, so I just focused on taking care of the house and kids so you had less to worry about. When you were finally able to get out the room, we were already in too deep. I couldn't grieve when-"  
"I didn't need you to suddenly become superman and take care of everything!" Those words sounded similar. Stiles was off the bed now, almost crying. "I needed you by me, I needed you to do more than just hold me. I felt like I was alone worrying about Lily and thinking it was all my fault!"  
"It wasn't your fault!" Derek argued.  
"You didn't hurt her!" Stiles told him back and both men suddenly froze, breathing heavily and staring at each other. The clock ticking in the room was too loud in their ears. Derek stood from the bed slowly, too afraid that if he took one step forward then Stiles would disappear.

"I'm hear to listen now." He promised and the sentiment was shared as Stiles practically collapsed on the bed, still and stunned. "Tell me what was going on in your head back then Stiles. Please...let me help now." Help the way he should have. Cussing slightly Stiles swallowed hard.  
"I wanted her to die." He choked out, starring up at the ceiling expecting to be struck down for saying such a thing more than once in a day. "I hated Lily those first few days, I hate that she made you ashamed to have a husband like me who couldn't even give birth right and now resented our own daughter..."  
Derek stayed still as he listened to the crying confession, his lips pursed and eyes focused on the other man.  
"I've never hated you Stiles. Never in my whole life." He told him earnestly. "I was never ashamed of you, I was fucking terrified for you."  
"I wanted our daughter dead, Derek."  
"No you didn't." He said with all the confidence in the world. "You had a reaction, an honest reaction that so many people have. If you really felt that, then you wouldn't have hated yourself then and now. You wouldn't have felt guilty. Because you love her Stiles, you'll love her more than anyone." Stiles laughed tearfully, shaking his head and shuddering out a breath. "I felt the same." Derek admitted tenderly, Stiles turning to face him with red wide eyes.  
"You what?"  
"I felt the same. I was so tired of seeing the way our family was, how in pain you were. I was tired of feeling worthless and powerless to protect you all I...I sometimes hated Lily too." He swallowed hard as some tears came down his face. He wanted to be strong, but Stiles didn't need a strong facade- he needed to know that Derek understood! "And I fucking hated myself each time for thinking like that, it spurred on my fear of holding her. That she would die in my arms right after I had such terrible thoughts."  
"I love Lily!" Stiles whimpered out, not being able to handle both of them thinking such things about their daughter and needed to claim his love for his daughter a loud as some sort of reminder that they DO love her. Derek chuckled slightly and wiped at his eyes and nodded.  
"I love her too. And you know damn well I would do anything for her. That you would do anything for her."  
"Then you have to tell me things like this Derek!" Stiles begged, because this is what he fucking wanted! To know his husband wasn't some passive robot that kept working and kept things going while Stiles broke down. "Tell me now!"  
"I was going to die if Lily did that night in the hospital." Derek told his husband honestly. "I was constantly terrified. And I still am. You can divorce me right now and I will still just pray that Lily is alive every custodial visit you allow. I will still be scared of crossing every milestone we reach with her if we even do."  
"Me too..." Stiles whimpered, and it hurt. Lily was recovering and it all looked positive but he couldn't get rid of the feeling that at some point the universe is going to screw him over and take his baby from him.  
"But we can't think like that Stiles." Derek slowly came back to the bed, sitting opposite the man and tentatively reaching a hand out to cover his. " Shes here now and laughing and smiling downstairs with our two amazing children." He whispered so delicately to his husband. "And they have such a strong and beautiful man who will give his life- who HAS given his life for them. So please don't forget just how fucking strong you are."  
"I'm sorry." Stiles whispered out, tears and snot running down his face while he buried it against Derek's shoulder, the older man not caring about his shirt. "I'm sorry I was such a fuck up that you couldn't just talk to me and had to take on-"  
"I should have yelled at you that I was feeling the same. Instead I let you alone. You don't need to apologise for shit." And he meant, fuck he gave up everything so easily. What the hell does it matter if he tried before? He should have kept going, they would be in such a better place now if he just endured that year of difficulty, pushed for Stiles to get help harder, took time off work earlier- everything he could have done more rather than have sex with his intern. Right now he couldn't focus on what he could have done.   
He needed to do right by Stiles now and that meant being by his husband as he cried on his shoulder while Derek spoke gently about how all his feelings were valid and that Stiles wasn't alone in this.

They didn't talk much after that, the two men spent the rest of the hour just sitting there crying out feelings that should have been talked about long before. Soon a knock came through the door and Stiles pushed back from Derek gently and gathered himself up before he croaked out for whoever was outside to come in, guessing their time to talk must have been up. Erica walked in with Lily against her hip, smiling gently at the two while Lily looked annoyed with a red face and puffing her cheeks out, showing she must have either had a tantrum or was crying or both.  
"This little diva's been impatient to find either one of you. Kept trying to crawl up the stairs and got moody when Boyd and Zayd would grab her." She giggled, both men relaxing at the explanation for Lily. Stiles held his hands out with a watery grin, Lily instantly reacting in kind and whining for the blonde women to just hand her over to her Papa already! Erica rolled her eyes hearing the baby babble of demands and placed the girl gently in her friends arms. Stiles instantly went into the routine of gushing over his child and Derek watched contently from his place on the bed, wanting to just enjoy this moment of his husband and child together without any stress.  
"Derek? Come closer if you want..." Stiles offered, Lily whining loudly once more as if calling her daddy near her. Derek wasn't going to pass this up and moved closer, a hand resting on the bed space just behind Stiles as he leaned close to greet this daughter who was reaching for his messy stubble and trying to pull at the small hairs. Derek laughed, thinking Lily was telling him to have a shave and instead purposefully rubbed his jaw against her cheek affectionately only to be pushed back by chubby little baby hands. Both men laughed at their daughters expressive pout.

Stiles thinks Derek just needs a trim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was partly inspired by some articles I read on post partum and natal depression and how fathers get depression but it doesn't get recognised or dealt with because people primarily think of the mother first and the effects on her. It's also inspired by an episode from bojack horseman (a show that handles mental health and morality better than the shitshow that is 13 reasons why) and princess carolyns feelings when -spoiler alert- she adopts but doesn't feel like shes connected with her baby and I've just changed the context and few details but that scene really inspired this.  
> It'll be interesting to see the reactions to this chapter because now I've added this idea, I already know people are gonna think I'm desperately trying to make derek redeemable or give him excuses and honestly I'm done arguing with those types of people.
> 
> Unfrotunately this will be the last update in awhile, because I have my 'exam results of exams I didn't even take' tomorrow and england govenment has already announced theyre purposely lowering everyones grades for some bs reason so oops. Guess I'll kill myself sis. 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, give me feedback, comments and kudos and I really hope you liked this chapter. Might rewrite it honestly, wrote it while I was stress but let me know what u think.  
> Thanks for all the support you guys.


	33. I Know More Than You Think

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek is placed in charge of the children and household for a whole day and evening for the first time in forever and connects with his son in again, a way he hasn't in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, clean slate: this chapter is 6 months after the new years incident. Late June.  
> Just for people who were asking about timeline wise. Hopefully this helps with the other chapters too, if the timeline still confuses you then don't worry, the events are more important than when they happen.
> 
> If I've stated somewhere in the story that things have progressed beyond 6 months then let me know.

It's a calm Thursday evening 3 weeks after Stiles and Derek's first one on one prescribed 'talk' session. The whole thing was still surreal to Stiles, like seriously? He and Derek needed a doctor to literally instruct them to talk to each other? It felt childish and sad that they were even at this point. But now they were here, it felt kind of...nice? Refreshing? Stiles didn't really know. After the first talk with his husband, they haven't really had a deep discussion like that the following weeks, it was very (as Rani had wanted) neutral. Like talking to an stranger you slightly know or are familiar with. They would meet either at Erica and Boyd's or Stiles house, the kids busy or being looked after for the hour, Derek would make them coffee and hot chocolate for Stiles (exactly how Derek knew the man liked it) and that was that. They would sit and talk idly for an hour, always starting off awkwardly and trying to find a rhythm, about well...anything really. Sometimes the kids, summer was coming up after all and Netta had already made several promises of sleep overs with different friends. Sometimes they talked about Derek's job search, the older man didn't want to go back into law that was for sure.

But mostly they just talked about stuff. Just Stuff. The whether, movies, books, Stiles going into rants about the value of animation and Netflix bullshit live action adaptations with Derek then adamantly saying that books were the best medium for anything and that you had to have a certain level of intellect to appreciate ("Is that a fancy way of you trying to call me stupid?" "No Stiles, I'm just saying maybe you should give reading a try" "I'll have you know putting subtitles on during a movie or show totally counts as reading")- it was small minor conversations like those that Stiles truly enjoyed. There was no pressure to talk about or bring up things that were hard to talk about both because they weren't allowed to and because they didn't want to. No expectations of how the other might react. In fact some moments when they would share a laugh or manage a joke between them or even reminisce about their first home together, Stiles could forget about their current problems and just blissfully smile in ignorance as he remembered why he fell for this man exactly.   
Which then makes him feel deflated when the alarm on their phones go off, a sign that their hour was up and that they were now back in the reality where there were problems between them, big ones. One that meant that instead of Derek coming upstairs and cuddling up with him in their bed or coming out to the garden to play with their children, the older man would leave their house and go back to Erica and Boyd.  
Where he was staying.  
Because Derek and Stiles were separated.  
Because Derek cheated on Stiles, for 6 months.  
Derek was the reason they were in this situation and no matter how much Stiles missed him, still stupidly loved him, hell WANTED to forgive him to the point where there were nights he prayed he would wake up to this all being a terrible nightmare- no matter how he did any of that, Stile was not and could not forgive Derek. And he's been trying, really he has, but he was too scared for what that would mean for their family. There was no way he wanted Derek to think what he did was okay, that Stiles would just love him no matter what and let him back so easily. Even now, Stiles was surprised at the change in their family and the brunette was slowly getting used to it. For example, he had about 3 hours scheduled time away from his children (This twice a week hourly talks with Derek and his appointment with Dr Naeem) and his work in the morning at the daycare which took him away from home, not to mention how he was getting out of the house more in general when he goes out with friends. However, Dr Naeem explained how after years of primarily being a househusband and stay at home dad, the change is his routine would feel strange and that he still got more than enough time with his children who would be growing up and becoming independent as well.

'Aw...my babies are growing up...' Stiles thought sadly with a pout, as Derek was getting his leather jacket on- it was summer yet the man could never let go of this whole biker style- Stiles was sure he actually owned a bike at some point too. Today though, Derek's attitude and demeanour during their hour was very sullen and just low overall, like something was on his mind. He didn't talk about it which worried Stiles a little, thinking he was hiding yet another secret from him.  
"Okay so..same time next week?"  
"Yeah, I think we'll do it here again." Stiles suggested, both men were in agreement that while they were doing...whatever this was, they should try and keep their friends out of it as much as they could. The older man went to get off the couch before pausing and settling back in his seat. Stiles frowned, sensing the shift in Derek's overall atmosphere and tone before the man spoke.  
"Tomorrow...I um...It's the day I actually began to um....Well the day I-" He took a deep breath, mentally told himself to stop being a coward and just came out with it. "Tomorrow is the day that Luke came into my office and the affair started." He told Stiles, because that was his first mistake, hiding this sort of thing from him which broke whatever progress they were making. So now he was being honest, which clearing Derek was still hesitant about as he starred at Stiles and waited for his reaction.  
"Huh...I see." Stiles pursed his lips as he looked away. "You just happen to keep a calendar of this sort of thing?"  
"Stiles-"  
"A fucked up 1 anniversary sort of thing? So you remember that but not our kids birthdays or-" He cut himself off before he got too worked up. Derek let a few seconds pass.  
"I don't exactly remember the night it happen. But I know that last summer your dad was coming to visit, it was near the time the kid's would finish school and that's it. It might be tomorrow, it might have been a few days ago or it might be in a week." Derek shrugged. "I just...I just thought you might want to know. I'm sorry if I got it wrong." His husband had his fists clenched but his eyes were softer than blind with rage as moment ago.  
"No it's fine. I just-...I have been thinking a little about it." And it truly has been clawing at the man at the back of his mind, that the night it all began, the night Derek abandoned their family officially was right around the corner, sooner than Stiles thought apparently. "You doing anything to celebrate?" He asked almost bitterly as Derek just chuckled sadly in response.  
"Maybe just a self pity session. Nothing planned tomorrow with the kids or otherwise so I suppose I got the time." He tried to go for a joking tone but it didn't seem to land with his husband who was starring at him with a calculated gaze. Stiles mind went back to the conversation he had with Dr Naeem a few weeks ago, about how Derek probably had depression as well and even the man himself said how he couldn't grieve or couldn't allow himself to be depressed- it did strike a red flag within Stiles. If tomorrow was going to be the mark of a significant dark time or milestone with their problems, he didn't want Derek to end up on some spiral of bad habits and coping mechanisms- he's been there, he's seen his father there. And as strained as they are right now, Stiles wasn't vindictive enough to watch the man that broke his heard crumble. Maybe he would have a few months ago. Would have relished it.  
But not now.

Just as Derek got up to leave, Stiles stopped him at the door. "Lydia has been trying to coax me into going out." He started, catching Derek's confused gaze. "Like actually go out, she wants a spa day then in the evening ya know the typical drinks and clubbing scene." He hasn't spent a night like that yet, all his outing have been lunches or shopping trip with his friends so he could spend the evenings with his children. "I'm thinking of taking her up on that offer."  
"You should. You deserve a day off." Derek agreed, still not completely sure where Stiles was going with this since talks like this was usually reserved for their 1 hour which had ended. "Maybe Jackson could take care of the kids or you could drop them off in the morning with me?"  
"Or maybe you could just come here?" Stiles said, staring up at those damn green eyes. "I mean, You've already come over now and then for a few hours." As per Dr Naeem's orders and the agreement between the men for Derek to be a presence in the house more for the kid's sake. However, he has yet to actually take the children a whole day by himself in this house. "I'm sure the kid's won't mind, and Zayd wouldn't leave you alone with his sisters anyway." This time Stiles tried for the teasing joke tone. Derek wasn't too sure if it was a joke though. But this offer was something he wouldn't let go of.  
"I would love that." He said earnestly with a small genuine smile. "When were you thinking?"  
"Tomorrow." Stiles tried to seem passive as Derek's eyes widened a little. "It'll be Friday night and all and you know the whole deal of T.G.I.F and stuff like that."  
"We both know I don't know what that means." Derek huffed out a small laugh before sighing a little. "Stiles, you don't have to do this."  
"Yes I do." And it wasn't just for this damn bastard. He can't have the father of his children become a wreck as long as said children still wanted to see him. "One of our problems was not listening to each other or helping the other out when they felt like shit. So help me by helping you. I deserve a night out to be stupid right?"  
"Right." Derek wasn't going to argue with that.  
"Right. And my children deserve to see their father. If tomorrow is the 1 year anniversary of you sticking your dick in some secretary, then I want you here to remind yourself why that was a fucking stupid choice to make and why you NEED to do better than feeling sorry for yourself." He said determinedly. This wasn't a move to pander to Derek's stupidity, but if they were going to move on in general as a parents and two men who loved their children, then Stiles needed to put his personal feelings and resentment aside and Derek needed to stop with the woe is me shit so they could actually get better instead of sinking back into the dark hole they were trying to crawl out from. "Just...Dammit Derek this isn't easy for me!"  
"I know." The older man said, realising he has taken a while to answer, taken back by the gesture from his husband. "And I will..um tomorrow morning. I'll come here and take care of the kids and the house all day. Whatever you want. What time again?"  
"I'll text you. I have to check with Lydia first." The redhead was very adamant about a spa day so who knows if they'll book them last minute. "Just make sure you're on time and just don't fuck up with them."  
"I won't. Thank you....Really thank you Stiles." And with that, Derek Hale walked out the house and to his car, wanting to prepare for tomorrow.

"Derek."  
"Lydia."  
"Don't look at me, I think I'm developing an allergy to having direct contact with douchbags."  
"Well clearly you must have developed immunity to it too if you're married to Jackson."  
"You little shit-"  
Stiles sighed as he listened to his estranged husband and one of his best friends argue in the kitchen the next morning at around 8 while he got his stuff together. Lydia and Derek have never gotten along, not really. Scott came around to the idea of their relationship when it first started but Lydia has always been annoyed by Derek's mere existence. The brunette doesn't really know why, he thought they would get along great when they first met- both super smart, crazy attractive, Lydia even wanted to become a lawyer before she discovered modelling. But ever since they met back when Stiles was 24, Lydia had never warmed up to the man. To be fair, it was mutual. Derek never liked Lydia either, found her cocky and phoney while Lydia found him arrogant and disrespectful. It was part of the reason Stiles didn't go to her with his relationship problems because he would have gotten a bias response. Scott was bias too but more on the angle of encouraging Stiles to find his own life (which the man could understand) rather than the constant anti-Derek stance Lydia was on.  
"If you two are done-" He interrupted their 'conversation', cutting the women off on her verbal assault. "I would like to get going now." He said with a tight smile to them both who gave each other a side glance and just nodded.  
Outside, The children all hugged Stiles, Lily going last before being handed off to her daddy. Stiles smiled at his children, giving them all kisses and promising to be back later tonight and making them all promise to be asleep before or by then. He didn't want to ruin their sleeping schedules just yet before summer really began. After some quick rules with Derek and the contact information of all the places they would be going today should Stile phone not work for some reason, Stiles and Lydia got into her car and drove off. Netta and Zayd waved at their dad until the car was officially out of sight down the road. Derek sighed a deep breath as he looked down at his children, looking back at him expectantly.  
"So, who's up for breakfast guys?"

"Daddy what's in that bag?" Netta asked, pointing to the bag in the corner of the room while they all sat at the table enjoying some freshly made pancakes- blueberry for Netta and chocolate chip for Zayd while Derek fed Lily some baby food on her high chair. The older man figured he's eat later.  
"Oh it's a surprise for later sweetheart. If you like it then we can use it!"  
"What is it!?" Netta asked excitedly, apparently missing the surprise part of it all. Derek laughed a little.  
"After dinner." He promised, quickly changing the subject as the girl pouted. "For now, what do you guys want to do? Go to the park? Museum?" Derek watched Netta try to think of a place as he notice Zayd pausing in eating his food. "You got something in mind son?"  
As expected, his first born looked a little nervous to say the least. "Um...there's some jellyfish at the aquarium that glow in the dark. I heard about it in school and wanted to check it out."  
"But there's sharks there!" Netta cried out as Derek smiled gently and picked the girl up, explaining how the sharks are away from the jellyfish and in big glass containers anyway that won't break. And even if they did then Daddy would fight them off just for her. Zayd was still poking at his breakfast slightly, not used to this scene. Usually it was Papa having breakfast with them while Derek was missing. Even when Derek has come over lately to spend time with them at home rather than at Erica and Boyd's place, Zayd hasn't always stuck around to feel so...surreal.  
After breakfast, they all got dressed, Derek struggling with Netta's demands for 'cute bouncy curls' before convincing her to leave her hair open (he didn't want his daughter using curlers so early when her hair was so naturally beautiful), Zayd getting Lily dressed before they all headed to the aquarium. Pushing Lily along in her stroller, the little girl in a constant mood of excitement at her new surroundings, the small family headed towards the jellyfish section. Derek really should talk to Stiles about going out more with Lily, both men had sheltered her so much the past year she's missing out on a lot of experiences and environmental stimulation. They soon stopped near a play area, Netta becoming easily distracted by the paddling pool and indoor sandpit. After Zayd assured Derek that he didn't mind waiting, both of them sat down by the sandpit while Netta played, Lily satisfied with her rattle in the stroller. 

Derek wondered how to begin conversation with Zayd- his eldest, his son. They were in a strange position now; much like how he is with Stiles. In a place where the blow ups have happened and been done with but that doesn't mean Zayd suddenly forgives his dad or even loves him as much as he used to. Derek's heart dropped a little at that reminder.  
"So um...how's the job search going?" The brunette asked awkwardly.  
"It's going okay. I'm still not sure what I'm going to do exactly." He's had offers from all sorts of places. "But don't worry, I have enough money to still support your Papa and our family."  
"How much many exactly?" Zayd asked curiously, his dad had been out of work a few weeks now. He might not be broke but he was still strangely calm about not finding a job soon.  
"Around $3,000,000." Well more like just under 2,900,000 now that he paid Luke off. Good thing it was all his money and not the money Stiles was using or rather saving up in their joint account.  
"DAD!" He practically yelled incredulously before lowering his voice once parents and other patrons began to stare at him. " How!? Why are you even working or looking for a job!? That's enough to live off for a life time!"  
"Because-" Derek sighed, shaking his head. "I don't want you kids thinking it's okay to just get rich and that's it. The only reason I have that much is because 1) being a lawyer pays well and 2) Your papa and I have always been careful in how we spend our money." Neither men ever had expensive taste, always practicality and needs before wants. "And that money is for you and siblings in the future, college money, medical care, emergency- anything that you may need. And like I said, I wouldn't feel right just retiring because I've made that much money. Not when your Papa is working hard too." Derek knew that one day Stiles would want to start working again, what sort of husband would Derek have been if he just told Stiles no and told him to live off his money? They've been doing so far out of mutual agreement that Stiles wanted to stay home with the kids. But if Stiles wanted to go back to work full time whether it be now or later, Derek would support that rather than flaunt his money and sit on it like a spoilt old man.  
"I guess that makes sense." Zayd's parents had always preached the importance of hard work. Even college, his parents have offered to pay first year tutition, but Zayd would have to get a job and pay for anything else beyond that himself. He always knew his Dad was rich but never exactly how rich, he just knew that his dad didn't want to spoil them to the point where he and his sisters grew up entitled and blind to their privilege. As much as an ass he considered the man to be now, he could appreciate that if Derek taught him anything in his life, even through this whole ordeal, he taught Zayd how to be a better man than Derek.

"Zayd!" Both men looked up to see Zayd's lacross Captain Stephen coming over. Derek recognised the boy as the one smoking that night on the party but after talking with Stiles, it seems the older boy wasn't the bad influence Derek has initially thought. Getting up quickly, the man noticed he rose pink tinting his son's cheeks.  
"Stephen! What are you doing here?" He asked nervously as the boy opposite him laughed.  
"Don't joke, you know I was coming here with some friends. I told you last night." Derek couldn't help but smirk as his son blushed more, the true reason for wanting to come becoming clear to the older man.  
"Mr Hale, it's nice to meet you." The boy suddenly addressed Derek, holding his hand out to the man. Derek shook it, getting up form his seat.  
"Nice to meet you too. Been chain smoking at any parties lately?"  
"Dad!" Zayd hissed out as Stephen just laughed.  
"No not really. Been preparing for graduation and college mostly. Plus, I only really went to those parties to keep an eye on your son." He winked at Zayd who huffed his cheeks out but said nothing.  
"So I've heard. Thank you by the way, for taking care of him at those things." Derek said genuinely. The older boy nodded.  
"No problem sir. Zayd's an amazing player and a great kid in general. Really I wasn't even needed, just worried." And boy, did Derek understand that. He sat back down and gave his son space with his little crush. The kid seemed alright so Derek didn't feel the need to threaten him. Yet. After a few minutes, Netta skipped over, clearly bored with the sandpit and water now.  
"Can we go see the jellyfish now, Daddy?" Netta asked. Derek told her to let Zayd know they where they were going so the boy could join them when he wanted later, since he looked busy talking to Stephen. Once Netta was back with them, Derek headed off to see the purpose of their trip with his two daughters.

Lily waved her tiny hands up in the air at the Jelly fish swimming around in the water, Derek holding her in his arms as Netta smiled gleefully watching the creatures pass by. Derek took a picture of his first daughter near the glass, coming out beautifully with the light from a particularly close jellyfish lighting up her face. He then took one of Lily at a slightly awkward angle with her in his arms and reaching out for the sea creatures. It went on like that for a few minutes, both girls cheering and squealing when one of the jellyfish would light up or even move fast, before Zayd suddenly joined then. However he looked slightly upset.  
"Dad can we leave?"  
"What? We just got here? Don't you want to see more than just jellyfish?" He took notice of Zayd's clenched fists and his averted eyes. "Son...did something happen?"  
"What does it matter to you!? I just wanna leave!" He yelled, thankfully this time there wasn't many people around. Netta whimpered slightly and hid behind Derek's leg and Lily whined and tucked her head under her daddy's chin. Zayd looked ashamed almost instantly and Derek was not having his children upset like this one their day out.  
"There was an ice cream and cake shop near the entrance. Why don't we head back there for something?" He offered gently to his children, Netta nodding slowly and Lily lighting up as she recognised the word 'cake'. Zayd didn't say anything and just followed his family, eyes still to the ground and visibly upset.  
Maybe Derek should revisit his whole 'don't threaten kids your children like at first sight' stance if that Captain had anything to do with Zayd's mood.

At the small cafe like place next to the gift shop, Netta and Lily had cheered up, eating their ice cream with chocolate fudge cake happily, Derek smushing Lily's up a little on her tiny place so it was easier for her to eat. Zayd had settled for some simple lemonade which he wasn't even drinking really. The older man waited a few minutes before he asked his son what was wrong calmly, but the boy spoke before he could.  
"I'm sorry for freaking out." For once, his father didn't do anything to warrant it.  
"It's alright. You didn't mean it and were upset. It happens." He assured gently. "Do you want to tell me what happened?" If not then he would understand, his so probably wanted to talk to Stiles. Either call him or wait until he gets home.  
"It's stupid..." Zayd mumbled, more embarrassed than upset now. Derek waited until he spoke once more. "It's just...Stephen has a girlfriend when I thought he liked me and OH GOD, I sound like such a typical fucking girl!" He groaned, hitting his head against the table. His dad had to resist laughing at the dramatics because right now his son was going through his first (and hopefully only) instance of unrequited love.  
"Well does he act different around her than to you?"  
"Dad if you're trying to tell me that there's some hope that he'll magically turn around and tell me he's really into me-"  
"No no, son. I just mean that, maybe you read his actions wrong. Nice guys tend to treat people they care about in the same way they might treat someone they love with slight differences. Doesn't mean they mean to lead you on it just sort of happens." Derek told his son gently who looked a little unconvinced at the answer so Derek tried a different approach. "I know from experience you know."  
"What? You were a nice guy and people just fell at your feet?"  
"No I was the opposite. Always glaring at people, always had an 'I will murder you' kind of face on."  
"Now that I believe."  
"Shut it." He smirked a little at his son grinning though. "But your father on the other hand was the opposite. He had and still does have this glow that just draws people to him. Even in high school when he thought no one paid attention to him, your uncle Scott will tell you how your father actually had a few admirers but were too shy to speak up. Then during college when people actually got confidence, by then your father was with me."  
"Papa always talks about people only seeing him as a friend though." Which he didn't mind because Stiles was crazy in love and married to Derek. Zayd took note of the look in his dad's eyes and gasped. "You didnt-!"  
"I didn't kill anyone." Derek corrected quickly. "Your father was always a kind man, smart, funny, passionate, the whole package. It just took people a while longer to appreciate him. Then when people did, I did the only rational thing a man who had what everyone wanted would do- I scared them all off." He said, almost proudly and the young boy had to laugh a little. "Like I said, your father was the nice guy that everyone fell for, he would do things that he just considered being kind or helpful but would result in someone believing he was in love with them. He defended a barista from a rude customer once and that ended with said barista's number on Stiles's cup." And said cup thrown into the trash by Derek once he saw the scribble after he went to collect their drinks. He just gave Stiles his. "On Valentines day, he bought a dozen roses and would hand them out to anyone who looked sad, what that ended up with was flowers sent to your small apartment " Which Derek burned and buried before Stiles could see before giving him his own roses. "And well...you get the picture."  
"I'm sure Papa didn't mean anything by it."  
"Of course he didn't and neither did Stephen. Not really. You still like him don't you?"  
"Yeah..." He said with a small blush.  
"Then it's fine to feel a little hurt. But don't let those feelings get in the way of your friendship especially if he didn't set out to hurt you. Issac felt the same way and yet he and your Papa are still close."  
"Uncle Issac liked Papa!?"  
"That's a story for another time." Derek teased, laughing at the disappointed pout Zayd sported but happy that he felt better. "Don't worry about a thing Zayd. They'll be guys and girls out there for you, who will deserve you and return your feelings." Derek told him confidently. The young man nodded a little and then turned to laugh as Lily got Ice cream on her nose. Netta soon finished up and pointed to a dolphin poster. Derek turned to Zayd to check that he still wanted to be on this trip, seeing as they might run into Stephen. The teen seemed to have gotten the message and nodded, not wanting to ruin his sisters fun just because he fell for a guy that was probably just being nice to him. Getting up, the family of 4 headed towards the dolphin show that would begin in a few hours.

They did end up running into Stephen a few times throughout the day, the older boy oblivious to the younger ones feelings and the indirect heartbreak he caused when mentioning his girlfriend. And although worried, Derek watched from afar as his son seemed to just talk to the other boy normally, laughing, smiling and if anything more relaxed than before. He's a little disappointed that his sons first crush ended up like this, but he thinks his bright boy will be alright.  
In fact, Derek knows he will.

Now he just has to convince Stiles that Zayd isn't going to spiral when he retells all this to his husband.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys like this. Leave some kudos and comments, as always they motivate me to write and keep this story going. Have your discussion and debates, be respectful and yeah that's it.  
> Thanks for reading and supporting me guys, really means alot.


	34. You Did This Everyday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek sets a surprise up with the kids, walks in Stiles shoes and has an interaction with Stiles later that night.

On the way home, Netta and Lily were both asleep in the back of the car, the older girl having a balloon dolphin crown on her head while a large stuffed starfish plush sat between Netta and her little sister in the car seat who held a whale rattle toy that gave them all a headache in the first 5 minutes of purchase but there was no way Derek was returning it- especially since Lily had fallen in love with it so easily. Thankfully though, the little girl was asleep leaving father and son at the front of the car with some quiet while they waited in traffic. Zayd was sat on the passenger seat with his head against the window, feeling the vibrations of the car buzz against him as he was tired himself. He couldn't help but look over at his father who was focused on the road.  
"Dad?" Zayd called softly, both because he was tired and to not wake his sister up.The family had spent the whole morning at the aquarium after Zayd's little freak out. They took pictures, bought some toys, had some snacks a few times, Derek got to deal with Lily's dirty diaper at one point; all just a typical family outing that Zayd had missed with his dad being absent recently. Except this time, while that hole was full and as much fun as they had today, now Zayd wished his Papa was here to spend this day with them.  
"Yeah son?" Derek relaxed in his seat a little as the cars ahead of them wouldn't be moving for awhile.  
"Thanks for ... today. And then some.." He was still embarrassed that he was so dramatic over Stephen having a girlfriend, like the older boy was under some obligation to return his feelings or be single forever which was just stupid. With a kind smile, Derek shrugged.  
"Don't worry. You really shouldn't thank me for that." And it felt like a loaded statement that he's sure his smart son picked up on but didn't call out. It was silent again for a few minutes before Zayd couldn't take it much more.  
"Did you...Did you do it on purpose?" He asked vaguely, but Derek knew what he was talking about. "When you cheated, I mean obviously it had to be on purpose but did you like.. I don't know..."  
"Zayd." The older man stopped his son because he knew what he was trying to express. And he would need to be careful with how he expressed things because like Dr Naeem said, even if Zayd was old enough to understand better than his younger sisters, doesn't mean he should be treated as another adult in this situation. "When I cheated on your father...It was a moment of weakness. I didn't go into work that day planning to start an affair. It doesn't make what I did right but I'm just answering your question." He told him gently. "Your father and I were in a terrible cycle, out to hurt each other. But rather than finding a solution to stop the cycle, I added to it." He and Stiles would talk, fight, get angry and Derek would stay overnight at work, build up the courage to come home and then the pattern would start again. Except now after the night with Luke, Derek would stay at work OR Luke's, feel guilty then build up the courage ect. No solution just more problems. 

Zayd looked down at his lap and nodded. This was different from his blow up with Derek a few months ago when he got picked up from that party. He was calmer, more willing to listen to his father explain things rather than having a pretence of this man being some evil bastard. The opinion hasn't changed much, at least not in the sense that Derek was suddenly innocent of everything, but Zayd didn't feel as guilty for missing the man or liking being around him  
"Are you and Papa going to get back together?" He asked and it almost scared Derek how hopeful his eldest son sounded. Again, he had to be careful with how he explained things.  
"I don't know." He answered honestly. "I want to. I love Stiles and you kids more than anything. But just because I say I love you, even if I show it, doesn't mean that getting back together is an option." He took note of the disappointment in Zayd's eyes even if the teen tried to hide it. He reach over and clasped a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, that doesn't mean I'll stop loving any of you if we do separate. I'm not going to disappear again or leave you all behind. I won't let that happen again. I promise." He told him sincerely, because Derek NEEDED his children to know that no matter what happens that Derek wasn't going to leave them in anyway shape or form. Zayd starred at his dad with a heavy expression but surprisingly he leapt forward and hugged his dad tightly. Derek swallowed down a sob and tried not to cry from pure happiness as he hugged the younger boy back. And he knows, he knows this isn't total forgiveness if any, he knows he still has a lot of work to do but in this moment right now, Derek was just going to enjoy this hug with this only son.  
He didn't even hear the angry honks of the cars behind him as traffic seemed to be getting a move on again.

When they got back it was about afternoon now, Lily was down for her nap and Derek had just sent off some of the pictures of the aquarium to Stiles who sent back a selfie of him and Lydia in the car, apparently driving from the spa place to and headed towards the mall. The dark haired man knows the picture was probably sent just so Derek could show their children, but he couldn't help but take a moment just to admire the image by himself. Stiles looked almost...glowy? His skin was radiant, especially with the sun shinning on him. His lips looked so soft, turned up in a little smile as he face the camera, tilted just enough to show Lydia Martin in all her glory as she was driving the car, sunglasses on. The whole picture, Stiles just looked so happy- so relaxed and Derek was genuinely just happy too, to see his husband in a better place than he has been in awhile.  
Then the realisation that maybe it's because Derek wasn't around that Stiles was so happy hit. Not that the man didn't WANT Stiles happy, of course he did! But as much as they've been on 'okay' terms right now, that gnawing feeling, the one that told Derek that soon enough Stiles would come to the conclusion that he didn't love Derek anymore honestly scared him as it got stronger day by day. He's been telling himself for awhile now that whatever Stiles chooses in the end, eh would go along with it even if it meant he wasn't in the picture anymore. And Derek truly thinks he will but...it won't be easy. Is he selfish for thinking that? Just he just suck it up? He got himself into this mess after all, what right did he have to feel sad about a possible divorce?  
Because he still loves Stiles dammit. And he knows that if the day should come where their marriage, their relationship, everything actually came to an end then the older man didn't know what he could do with himself. Hell, today Derek woke up on edge. Today was the day he began his affair with Luke after all and what does his brilliant husband do? Tell him to spend the day with their equally amazing and wonderful children alone. However, given their current situation, Derek didn't really know what the gesture meant.  
Foreshadowing? A 'hey get used to the feeling of custodial visits' kind of thing for when Stiles settled on them being separated indefinitely? Was it a pity gift? Stiles hasn't been as cruel through this whole thing as Derek thinks he should be, maybe the brunette just though to throw his idiot cheating husband a bone. Or what if it was a test- a chance to show that he can be and is a good father, that Stiles can go out and enjoy time with his friends away form the house without thinking the worst.  
Derek really hoped it was the last possibility.

"Daddy!" Derek was drawn out of his thoughts as he looked over to Netta, sat on the kitchen counter with her legs crossed and a small apron on, flour all over her face. Right, they were going to be making blondies right now for the surprise Derek had planned for his children later. They were going to make brownies but Derek didn't know where Stiles kept the coco powder. Yet another reminder that Derek had no idea what was in his own house let alone kitchen.  
"Sorry sweetheart. We'll get started okay?" He smiled, getting up a recipe on the tablet Netta had in her hands before setting it down.  
"What were you looking at on your phone?" The little girl asked as Derek set everything up on the counter so it was easier for his daughter to get to. Honestly he can't remember the last time he made something for his kids and even dessert might be a challenge so Netta was probably going to end up guiding him through all this since she bakes with her Papa alot.  
"Papa sent me a picture of his day with Aunt Lydia. I'll show you when we're done." He said to which the young girl cheered. He smiled gently at her then cursed as the butter slipped from his hands and onto the floor. To which his daughter then laughed at this expense.  
About half a hour later, the blondies were in the oven and Derek sighed in relief as in the end, they at least looked edible. They managed to add some white chocolate chips and sprinkles in the end too, at Netta's demands of course. Right now his young daughter was helping him clean up, her daddy would wash up and Netta would dry. Usually he expected her to be talking about anything and everything by now, she was incredibly chatty during their baking. Yet now the girl was quiet.  
"Netta?" Derek called, chuckling a little as the girl jumped and starred up at her daddy. "Why are you so quiet, princess?"  
"Nothing daddy! I just don't wanna bother you while we're working." She said so straightforwardly and determined that Derek almost forgot she was still just a little girl.  
"We were working before while we were baking. But you were talking then."  
"That's because daddy kept messing up so I had to help you!" She claimed like it was obvious and although a shot to his ego, Derek laughed loudly at that explanation.  
"Well, Daddy likes hearing you talk Netta. About anything and everything. You and your Papa both talk a lot and I like that."  
"Papa doesn't talk a lot!" Netta defended  
"Of course you would say that my little chatty princess." Derek smirked, teasing as his daughter went on a rant about how her she doesn't talk too much. A full 10 minute talk about not talking and Derek expected nothing less. Zayd soon came in, having smelt the blondies baking from his room. However it was more in panic than excitement.  
"You haven't burnt anything yet have you?" He asked and Netta snorted. Should Derek be offended as his children lack of faith in his cooking skills? He feel like he should be offended.  
"Calm down, they just got in the oven, Netta is the one who set a timer. And we're gonna order some takeaway for dinner. The Blondies are just for dessert." He said before taking a small look around the kitchen. The house wasn't dirty per say, Stiles always prided himself on organisation, but that doesn't mean that there wasn't anything to be done. "Say, how about we give your Papa a surprise when he gets home?" He smiled at Netta's excited cheer and Zayd looking over with interest as to what the older man had to say.

The next 2 hours was busy for the small family. Their mission was to clean the house form top to bottom with the jobs divided equally between them judging from ability. Even Lily was up at this point and her job was to simply sit in her playpen and be cute. Meanwhile, her sister was in charge of keeping an eye on the blondies which were out within in 20 minutes, by which point Derek paused in his mopping of the floors to get said baked goods out from the oven and let them rest before getting back to work. Stiles has done this for yeas by himself with little help and yet three of them were exhausted from the little they had to do. And Derek had the nerve to make those disgusting comments about Stiles not having a job a few months ago. Ugh, never again.  
After the big things like cleaning the windows, dusting, mopping and vacuuming were done, the children retreated to tidy their bedroom (Derek deciding to leave the bedroom he once shared with his husband alone for now) while their father was downstairs organising their surprise. Lily was downstairs making excited noises as she watched her strong daddy lift up the couch to make some room before setting some soft cushions and pillows against the ground along with some blankets.  
He was able to work and set everything up in peace and finish just in time as his children came down the stairs. Netta squealed excitedly while Zayd just let out a simple wow at the scene before him.

The living was more spacious with the coffee table and couches all moved to the side but not blocking the doors. All to make room for the centre piece: a giant fort set around their tv like some sort of indoor cinema. The were large blankets strung up high on the ceiling and fell over the side perfectly to enclose them all in what looked like duvets and pillows all around the floor. There were pink fairy lights that glowed just bright enough as their living room light was off and the curtains drawn to give of a warm atmosphere. Lily was already enjoying herself rolling around in what she clearly decided was her spot on a bundle of cushions.  
"This is so awsome!" Netta cried out excitedly, running upstairs to get changed quickly into her pjs because that was clearly the appropriate attire for this. Zayd looked just as amazed but also hesitant and Derek really didn't blame his son for that.  
"What do you think? Movie night okay?" He asked awkwardly, wondering if this was too strong now. Maybe Zayd would think Derek was just tryna buy their love or something. The older man did really think his kids would like something like this, what with Zayd building a fort every other day in his room when he was a child and Netta never really having made one yet. But now he was second guessing-  
"It's really great, Dad." Zayd said in awe as he looked around with a small smile. "Really great." Derek let out a sigh of relief as Zayd also excused himself to go get changed so he could sit more comfortable rather than in his skinny jeans. The older man smiled to himself before looking over at his youngest, who was currently entertaining herself by trying to eat her clothes covered toes. The simple joys of childhood.  
There were soon all cuddled up on the floor, Derek holding Lily in his arms and Netta sat over his feet was Zayd was relaxing on his stomach watching Moana sing on the TV. A tray of ACTUALLY GOOD blondies sat between them on a tray while they waited for their food to be delivered. The children weren't in a rush to eat Derek's baked goods as much as they were Stiles and okay seriously- should he be offended?  
But While the man watched Netta sing along with the movie, Zayd trying to hide the fact he was singing along to the movie and Lily snuggled against her daddy's chest, Derek felt kind of sad. He wanted to happy- no he IS happy to be here with his children. Yet at the same time, he thinks his husband has achieved his goal in making him be here tonight of all nights. Because last year on this night, Derek started an affair with a manipulative spoilt brat when he could have been doing this all along. This whole day was overdue and Derek just couldn't believe again how fucking stupid he was. He was just living proof that a degree means fuck all if the person who has it is just an idiot. Biting his lip, he kissed Lily's head and tried to bring himself back to this scene right here.  
Him and his 3 children enjoying a movie and some half ass blondies. Yeah he couldn't be offended, they were good but not Stiles' kind of good. He brought out his thoughts quickly as the doorbell ran and finally their dinner had arrived. Getting up, the man handed Lily over to Zayd and went to pay the delivery man.

Netta was almost half asleep, her dark hair over her face as she tried to keep her eyes open as she lay over her daddys lap. Derek chuckled and moved the hair from her eyes gently so she could see Cinderella have her dress transformation clearly.  
"I wanna go to a ball." She mumbled tiredly as Zayd hummed along to Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo. Derek checked the clock to see that it was almost midnight (ironic with Cinderella playing). Lily was fast asleep in his arms as well and before he could say anything, Zayd was already up with his arms open to his dad expectantly.  
"I'll take her up dad. You take Netta to bed." He said, slowly taking his baby sister from Derek's arms. After saying thank you, he switched the tv off and then proceeded to pick Netta up.  
"Come on my sleeping beauty." He chuckled as she gave a lazy royal wave with the twist of her wrist. He took her upstairs before gently laying her down and tucking her in, kissing her head. The dark haired girl blinked up at him with tired eyes.  
"Can we read Alice in Wonderland? Please Daddy?" She asked pleadingly, moving to give Derek room so he could sit close to her. Figuring she won't let this go and won't stay awake longer than 2 pages, Derek agreed and got the book out. Netta didn't like to read, but she liked when her daddy read a book to or with her. And as expected, she lasted just shy of 2 pages before she was completely asleep. Derek moved off the bed slowly before kissing her head again and walked out, making sure his little girl's night light was on with her favourite colour lighting up the room.  
By the time he got into Lily's room, the baby was snoring soundly with Zayd checking the baby monitor in the room. The older man made his way over to his miracle child and checked her breathing for a full minute before deciding she would be alright for now then walked out quietly with his son.  
"Papa going to be home soon?" Zayd asked as they got into his room and the boy got into bed, his dad lingering by the door way and leaning against the frame.  
"Yeah, shouldn't be long now. Then I'll be off." He said gently as Zayd nodded and rested his head against the pillow.  
"You're not staying the night then?" He asked, trying to go for passive. His dad shook his head.  
"No I'm not."  
"Alright then." And that was that. It wasn't cruel, it wasn't praise or distaste. Just simple acknowledgement that Derek wasn't staying the night. They both knew it wasn't the time for that. Saying good night to his son, Derek slowly closed the door, missing the longing gaze and small smile on Zayd's face before he closed his eyes and went to sleep.

Derek headed back down to take down the fort and clear up the living room. Just as he got down though, the door sounded as Stiles walked in, with a little stumble, through the front door. He wasn't drunk but maybe a little buzzed.  
"Derek!" Stiles quickly lowered his voice no realising how loud he was going to sound, so used to screaming over loud music at the club for the past hour. Derek tried not to laugh at the man who seemed to just realise the state his living room was in. "Wow, what did you guys do?"  
"Just a little set up I had for the kids. I was about to take it down and clean everything up." Derek said quickly, not wanting Stiles to think he was suddenly trying to make himself at home after months of not being here.  
"No no don't worry about it!" The man giggled, dropping the shopping bags he had and falling against the pillows on the ground with a laugh. Okay maybe he was slightly more than buzzed. Derek waited until the man had calmed down a little as he lay there, the older male waiting by the stairs, just assessing the situation. "Where are my babies?" Stiles pouted, pointing at Derek and shaking his finger comically as if silently accusing him of making them disappear or something.  
"Upstairs. All asleep." He said, deciding that maybe that's where Stiles needed to do too. Walking over, he lifted the shorter man up from the fort and carried him up, an arm wrapped around his waist to steady him while Stiles' rested his shoulder on Derek's head. He had to remind himself that it meant nothing and right now he was just helping Stiles up to his room to sleep. Once they arrived at said room, Derek placed Stiles against the bed with great difficulty as the man attempted to jump into bed first. Then he took his shoes and coat off, setting them to the side before Stiles curled up under the covers. He was in a soft t-shirt and jeans so he shouldn't feel too uncomfortable in the morning- no way was Derek going to undress him. Too risky on so many levels.  
"Okay Stiles, I'll call you tomorrow morning to check on you . I'll be going now." He told Stiles, checking him over once more before turning around to walk off.  
Except he couldn't.  
Because Stiles had grabbed his wrist.  
"Stay." He pleaded and Derek made the mistake of turning around to see sad lonely brown eyes starring back up at him.  
"Stiles-"  
"You slept with someone else last year today right? Then Stay with me this year!" He sat up in the bed, dizzy and wobbly and Derek was willing to bet Stiles wouldn't remember most of this tomorrow. "Please..." He was close to tears and Derek had no idea what to do because this was Stiles, he knew his feeling were probably true even if he was drunk. But that doesn't mean he'll feel the same in the morning, it doesn't mean that staying right now was good for them. It's no secret that they still love each other, that they missed each other. That wasn't the problem. The problem is that love and longing isn't enough to fix what was wrong with them. "Don't you love me?"  
"I do Stiles..." He sat on the edge of the bed, Stiles taking it as some kind of sign in his drunken state and crawled over, hand going up to the back of Derek's neck to pull him in for a kiss. Of course the older man stopped him. "And It's because I love you that I can't let you do this right now." And it killed him, really it did. He wanted nothing more than to just kiss his husband and that be enough to make everything better.  
"You don't know what I want!" Stiles cried, his head resting against Derek's as the older man avoided the younger's eyes.  
"You know what you want. Sober you know's what you want. And I don't what you hating me or yourself when you wake up in the morning Stiles." He wanted to allow him one kiss, just on the cheek or nose- anywhere. But his husband was vulnerable right now, doing anything of the sort of thing he wanted would cause him confusion and distress. So instead, Derek helped the man change from his jeans now that he was awake enough to do so himself, and helped him lay back down comfortably. Stiles was still sniffling in his sleep but at least he was asleep.

With a heavy sigh and feeling in his chest weighing him down, Derek turned the light off and headed back downstairs. He packed away the fort and placed the liviing room back the way Stiles liked it.  
Then, at around 2 am, Derek left the place he once was allowed to call home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got half way through this chapter before I felt like scrapping it but I think I fixed it maybe? I dont know, let me knwo what you guys think.  
> These chapters have been very derek focused but don't worry, Stiles focused ones are up next.
> 
> As always, leave comments and kudos, they motivate me to keep writing. Thank you for the patience as new chapters come out. Thank you for all the support and keep commenting.


	35. Light It Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles and Zayd talk about the changes and differences in Derek from then and now. Then later, Derek and Stiles have a serious conversation about couples counselling with Dr Naeem.

"Ugh...I feel like shit." Stiles swore tiredly, sat at the kitchen table with a glass of water and mug of coffee with his eldest son who laughed. It was strange seeing his Papa like this, but honestly he's in a better state than most of his classmates and teammates are after a night of drinking.  
"Dad says you were just a little over buzzed. How are you feeling this bad?"  
"I haven't drank more than one shot or glass for years. I don't even know how your aunt got me to drink so much last night." Seriously, he would need to pay Lydia back somehow. Is he even supposed to drink that much at his age? He's glad that his children were asleep by the time he got home, because although Zayd and Derek say he wasn't that bad, Stiles would still rather his children didn't see him in such a state.   
Speaking of his husband, Stiles woke up at 1 in the afternoon. He was close to panicking when Zayd walked into his room with a tray of food and glass of water, explaining that Derek had let him know about the situation when he came by this morning to take Lily and Netta so Stiles could nurse his hangover, with the promise of returning the girls later. The brunette was still dying from said hangover at that point and couldn't process the information or respond with anything but grunt and grumbles. So he got up, had a cold shower, threw on some sweats and was now here having breakfast (well lunch for Zayd) with his son.  
"Is this an ageing thing? People can't handle alcohol as they get older?" Zayd teased, dodging the sugar cube thrown his way and landing somewhere behind him. Stiles rolled his eyes before settling in his chair.

"Have you been alone all morning?" Stiles asked concerned.  
"Yeah but don't worry. Mostly watched some TV and went to make sure you were okay now and then. Dad came around 8 to get the girls, told them you were tired and after promise of new toys and playtime with Saffron, they left easily." Zayd explained. "He guessed you would wake up at around 1- damn good guess! - so he said he'd drop the girls back around 2." Stiles had to chuckle a little at that.  
"I'm not surprised. I had a period in college where I went a bit to hard into the partying phase. Your dad was the one who would pick me up the morning after." He remembers those morning fondly still. Derek wanted Stiles to have the full 'college' experience and Stiles young mind translated that into 'party all night and day whenever you can'. It results in morning where he was sick and disorientated but he didn't really care because it also meant he woke up to his husband making him breakfast and running the bath with some bubbles which Stiles would sit in while Derek shampooed his hair. Those days his husband ended up late for work but the older man always said it was worth it.  
So when was Stiles not worth it anymore?  
"Papa?" Zayd called worriedly and the man guessed he probably had a sad look on his face again as he recalled happier times.  
"Oh! But um...you won't have to worry about hangovers too much in college." He said, changing the subject swiftly, at least what he hoped was swiftly. His son didn't bother to tell him otherwise.  
"Yeah I don't think I'm much for the partying type. Don't think I'll join any frats or groups either. Just keep to myself ya know?" He could use some calm when he goes college, granted it wasn't for a few years but after all this Zayd is already thinking of a quieter and more simple future.  
"You take after your father in that regard." Stiles commented easily, taking a sip of his coffee. Boyd used to tell him how Derek only really talked to Stiles through college early in their relationship. If he wasn't texting Stiles or hanging out with Boyd, he was in his room studying or at work. Wouldn't even venture out to the common room or library to socialise during the day with other less interested party people. Even when it came to socialises and societies, Derek didn't even join things like Pride or debate. Unlike Stiles who joined anything and everything he had an interest in for more than 5 seconds.  
Well the pride thing he kind of understood. One because of Derek's family but also because his husband was a private person in general. He didn't flaunt his sexuality, even when he was out and proud he wasn't...'out and proud' in the sense that he would suddenly hang up gay flags in the room or join any sort of LGBTQ active rights groups or even have social media posts dedicating and relating everything to him being gay- he saw nothing wrong with doing so for people who do, but it just wasn't Derek.   
It wasn't even Stiles thing to be honest. Maybe it was his husband's influence but Stiles liked the privacy they had in their family, it was like his own special corner of the world with the people he cared most about. He didn't need everyone else in the world knowing what went on in their family because that was there business alone. He doesn't care if everyone thought Derek was some anti social recluse because in the end, he shared everything with Stiles and their children.  
At least he used to. Sometimes Stiles has irrational thoughts, like what if Derek's private ways were just an excuse for more lies he doesn't know about? What if Derek has cheated on him before? Dr Naeem has helped him realise they are just thoughts he's developed given recent events but that doesn't mean they aren't valid and things he needs to talk and solve with Derek soon.

Zayd didn't like that look on his Papa's face making an appearance again. However, it was an interesting that their conversation seemed to keep going back to Derek. He wonders...  
"Papa, Do you think Aliens exist?"  
"Um...I don't know?" Stiles responded, a little thrown off by the question. "Derek and I had a weirdly heated argument about that once and-"  
"AH HA!" Zayd suddenly exclaimed, confusing Stiles further. "That's the third time you've done that!"  
"Done what?"  
"Bring dad up in conversation unprompted. I mean yeah I talked about him in the beginning a little but this is ridiculous Pa. I mean- aliens equals Dad to you!?" He watched the pale man's face turn a light shade of pink as he looked down at his coffee cup suddenly very interested in the murky colour. The teen boy thought carefully about how to proceed with it. "Do...Do you miss dad?"  
"You know I do." Stiles answered with a sigh. "And you know I still love you father."  
"He's been gone a long while...but at the same time hasn't?" Zayd tried to word how he was feeling and how he would describe the situation. "I mean he's not home but he's definitely here more than he was before all this. Not that what he did was a good thing!"  
"You don't have to justify anything to me, son." He reassured him, shrugging his shoulders. "I get what you mean. I mean damn, I saw the pictures of you all yesterday. I'm glad you all had fun, I know you missed having your dad around." Stiles won't admit that he copied and crop one picture so that his estranged husband was the new image itself.  
"Do you...Do you think you might get back together?"  
"Do you want us to?" Stiles asked the boy, looking into his eyes and being straightforward. Because he thinks Zayd is at a point where he can handle giving him an honest answer, not an angry one or one that he thinks will make Stiles happy. An answer that will be his eldest son's true feelings known.  
"I don't know." The boy sighed out finally while the older man waited kindly for him to answer. "I mean last year its pretty much been you, me, Netta and Lily. I'd missed having dad around. Now the last few months he has been there and even when I was mad and hated him while we stayed at Erica and Boyd's, even though I hated even being the same room or house as him, it was...nice. Knowing that when I walked through the door that he would at least be there, that my sisters weren't alone even if you weren't there because hey, they have their other parent. And then yesterday...yesterday was amazing. Like I said, I missed having dad around when we have these outings. Yet now...I missed having you there with us. I wanted BOTH my Dad and Papa with me and my sisters."

And that was the only way Zayd knew how to express how he felt. He didn't want to sway his fathers judgement if being with Derek wasn't what he really wanted or needed but he also didn't know the direct answer to Stiles question and truly? The man didn't need one. That was all answer enough. He reached over and clutched his son's hand gently. No matter what happened between him and Derek one thing was for certain that he's sure they both have learnt through all this even without Zayd explicitly spelling it out for them. Their children needed and still need both their parents, not one, not alternating, both. And despite what's happened between the two men, Stiles is saddened that these innocent kids have been neglected through it all one way or another. And as much as the petty side and angry side of him wants to blame it all on Derek, it wasn't JUST his fault. It wasn't JUST Stiles' fault. There were things they were individually and jointly responsible as well as things outside their control.  
And he knew exactly who could help.

A week later, Derek and Stiles were now having their joint check up meeting with Dr Naeem. It had been a good couple of week since their agreement to have 'talk' sessions with each other and both have had at least one session each with Dr Naeem since so she had a clear view from both perspective about recent events in their lives. After they exchange pleasantries with the women, confirms some information with her and allow both men to speak clearly and honestly about the progress they have with the children and their talk sessions -which have apparently been going smoothly during at least-, she begins onto the main concern of this meeting.  
"Now you both have said that these one hour biweekly talks have been beneficial in understanding each other from a safe neutral point of view which is good, it's what we were hoping for and you two should be proud of yourselves to be at this point." She praised them, Derek felt slightly juvenile but he couldn't help the urge to preen at the recognition for his efforts and from the small shine in Stiles eyes, he probably wasn't alone in that. "Which is why I think we are at a point now where we can revisit the idea of couples counselling." She turned to them for their initial reactions, both because she felt less inclined to hold their hand in speaking to each other in these conversations now and because she wants this as a small test to see how they would communicate during an actual session of couples counselling. They shared a look before it seemed they silently agreed Derek could go first.  
"I suppose my stance hasn't changed from a few weeks ago, I'm committed to fixing our marriage, our relationship as a whole and want to move forward in that. And I agree, I feel like we have made progress and are in a better place now to do this effectively together." He spoke carefully but the man was truly confident in his words.  
"I'm not so sure..." Stiles responded, looking at Derek for once rather than Dr Naeem. "I mean, I want to move forward and get better as well. But I still don't know if I can give us another shot just yet..." Silence fell on then at Derek's dejected look and Rani took the opportunity to speak then.

"Stiles, in our latest session, you expressed to me that no matter what happens between the two of you, you want Derek to continue being present in yours and the children's lives, a sentiment you have shared a few times through this process." After getting a quick nod of confirmation she continued. "So I know you both have expressed or acknowledged the possibility of co parenting." Whether that was in a good or bad way is irrelevant and confidential a this point in time but she's sure they both know how the other feels about it. "The reason I bring this up is because its a common and understandable misconception that couples counselling is just for - well couples. When actually many 'pairs' take couples counselling:  
Mothers and Daughters, Fathers and Sons, Brothers and Sisters, even best friends and neighbours. In human resources and work environments, it's available to employees and their supervisors." She took in their surprised expression which really wasn't all that surprising to her, she was used to explaining this by now after all. "My point is that if you both take this next step, then that doesn't automatically mean that you are committing to the idea that the endgame will be staying together at least in terms of married." She was saying this mostly to Stiles but it was important for Derek to know too so he didn't get false hope or think too quickly that things would be okay from here on out. "In fact, some couples in this are in fact post divorce couples or co parents who still need to work on their issues for the sake of the children. So really, it's important to consider your goals for you two as a couple as you have set goals for yourselves in your own therapy. For example, you may want to pursue this as co parents and therefore the notion of you two seeing other people would once again be open and need to be discussed."   
She sat back, getting comfy in her chair and watched the information she just gave sink in. Again, she wouldn't hold their hand through this if they wanted to talk about something. And again, Derek was the first to talk.

"I want to do this with you Stiles." He said honestly, hands itching to reach out and hold his husband's hand but being to scared to in case he wasn't allowed- it's the kind of stuff he wants to work on with his husband! The thing they have a chance to do now! "And I want to do it with the end goal being us happy again, I want to show you I can love you the way you deserve to be loved- love our children the way they deserve!" He paused and felt a sudden fear that he may be suffocating Stiles and making him feel like he didn't have a choice and Dr Naeem notice the way Derek almost curled in on himself. "If not...then at the very least I think we should do this just so in the end, we're good enough for the kids without hurting them in our crossfire."   
Stiles was silent as he listened to Derek, trying his best not to over analyse and dig into everything Derek was saying.  
"Have you...been with anyone while we've been separated?" Stiles asked unsteadily. They might have had a no dating policy up until now but that doesn't mean Derek has followed it.  
"No. No one." He wanted to beg for Stiles to believe him but it would have been futile, might have worked against him even. The brunette nodded in acknowledgement. Dr Naeem has assured that even in Stiles didn't want to date yet or for awhile, being single was just as fine too. He didn't need to end up with Derek or anyone else if he didn't want to. It could easily just be Stiles and his three children if that's what he wanted.  
But he didn't want that.  
"I haven't either." He supplied, Derek would never dare ask but he knows the older man probably worried about that. "I...want to do this with you too. If we do do this, I don't want it half assed Derek, I don't want to confuse the children by going to couples therapy with you while dating someone else. You said you wasn't able to talk to me well then I need you to talk to me! Because this is going to get harder from now and you can't just run away like before!"  
"I get that." He said earnestly. "And I'm not going to run away. God- never again."

Rani watched the two for a few seconds before speaking up.  
"Have we reached an agreement gentlemen?" She asked to which Stiles nodded.  
"Couples counselling with the intent of...fixing our marriage." Derek visibly lit up at Stiles speaking such words clearly and openly. Dr Naeem smiled gently for one moment before her face hardened.  
"Good then we need to go over a few things."

"Now couples therapy is similar but also very different from these join check up sessions that we've been having. It's less me talking to you two and giving advice with you nodding along and more of what we have done this time- you two talking to each other back forth with me in the middle intervening when I think is right or when we've reached a significant discovery. However, unlike how it's been lately where you two have talked to each other on a safe middle ground of common interests, we will now be getting into the core of your problems as a couple and long term solutions. Much like I explained in your private sessions, it will get ugly before it gets better- you two will sometimes walk out feeling lighter and sometimes you will walk out hating me and each other. Which is also another thing to remember- this will be a COUPLES Therapy session, not a chance to revert back to tactics that only hurt you both no matter how angry you get. You will both be owning up to your mistakes, it will not be aimed at one or the other and you two will be in control of the session. If you come in wanting to yell for an hour, than you will, if you come in giving each other the silent treatment and just sit there then that's the hour too. This will only work if you two cooperate with each other and me and are prepared to hear what the other has to say and are prepared to own up to your mistakes in the marriage and cheating incident prior and post.  
Am I understood?" She demanded, if they were serious about this then so was she.  
"Yes Dr Naeem." They both answered simultaneously (kinda scared too).

"Excellent. Onto the next thing. Goals." She was typing away at her computer as she spoke. "Now like your individual sessions, goals change and evolve with time. Sometimes therapy can help you realise that your relationship is beyond repair so as much as you both are hoping and are committed to fix your marriage by the end of this, you may come to realise you want to end your marriage in which case you can still take therapy to ensure your marriage end on a good note and you let go healthily so the children aren't negatively impacted should you do separate." It was all for full disclosure so if feeling of the marriage ending do arise then they aren't pushed away out of guilt or obligation to continue. "Moving on, judging from our previous meeting both joint and privately, I propose this basic list of goals for you both as a start which you can add and develop with time. These should work inline with what you are both working on individually.

1) Is Communication Skills - You both have been working on just talking so during this we will delve deeper into what and how you talk about things. You've already made progress in this area but clearly have some things to learn about still so we are in a good starting place with that. It will also help work toward building up intimacy between you two.

2) Patience and Forgiveness - This is mostly to you Stiles in terms of learning to forgive yourself and Derek, if you want to truly move past the trouble in your marriage there will be a point where you have to forgive what he's done instead of holding it as ammo against him. Same with you Derek, you will need to learn to forgive yourself so that your guilt isn't a driving force or motivation for your marriage. Nowhere have I said forget mind you, but forgiveness is less about reliving the other person and more helping yourself. This will not happen overnight so you both will need to be patient with .

3) Bring me to Trust and Honesty. Going back to using things to hurt each other, you two will need to rebuild the trust you have in one another to truly move on. And this is going to be hard and will probably be the hardest one to achieve but it is possible with a lot of hard work and give and take form both sides.

4) Selflessness - Derek this is mostly for you. You've built a habit over the course of last year of giving up and running away to relieve yourself of stress but not your family. It's a habit you've been learning to break but it is still something to work hard on because as I said, your guilt is a big factor for your lately and that may change the course of your actions significantly. You both need to learn to be selfless in terms of the children as well, give and take in what they need rather than what you two are comfortable with. If they need you both, it doesn't matter if one is angry at the other, you both be there for that child.

5) Finally, Stress management- now this you both have been working on separately in terms of dealing with Lily and your reactions to that and we've been working together to find healthy alternatives. Now however as I have warned, it will get hard and with that will come new stressful situations and stimuli which you will then need to practice dealing with together which goes back to your communication with one another.

As I said before if you wish to add on, make a note of it and make sure you both agree to it. "

Rani let out a stressful breath as she hit send, Stiles receiving an email with the goals on so they have something to reference. Both men viewed her instructions and checked them over before nodding their agreement.  
"Good then at least, we come to the final and again familiar stage, Homework. You will have tasks to complete which will rebuild and help develop a lot of the skills on that list, most will be just for until our next session and the other maybe a constant I want you to keep going with. I will give you two pieces to work on now: One will be the task of turning one of your weekly talk session into a 'Date Night'." Straight into the deep end, but both have expressed to Rani that they love the other man so she wanted to monopolise on that. She saw the hesitation in Stiles eyes and the excitement and determination in Derek's. "You will alternate between yourselves on who organises it which nights and I will let you two decide that. Next I want to talk about Lily. As you both have stated, she has been borderline sheltered and it hasn't stunted her growth per say but there are things I don't want her behind on especially with her 2nd birthday around the corner. So as well as helping her develop, it's an opportunity to share a moment with this child to counter act the horrible experience you two had. I want you two to work with Lily in taking her first steps, maybe walk a little or even have her run to you. But you need to allow her this chance especially if she is in daycare as a regular thing now."  
Both men were clearly not going to argue there, in fact Derek was worried now and then that he had missed his baby's first steps but it looks like this was his chance to as the good doctor said, share something positive with Stiles

After agreeing upon a time for couples counselling, swapping out one of their hourly talk slots for it since the men now had a full evening as 'date night', they said goodbye to what all assumed was the final joint session with Dr Naeem- next time they saw her as a pair would be in a weeks time for their very first Couples Therapy.

Stiles and Derek were terrified as they starred at one another- both because they were actually scared for what was to come but also for the hope that lit up in their chest and how delicate that flame actually was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IF I'VE WRITTEN SOMEWHERE THAT LILY CAN WALK PRIOR TO THIS CHAPTER PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHERE SO I CAN CHANGE IT> I DONT THINK I HAVE BUT JUST IN CASE.
> 
> A little note about the small reference to Derek's feelings/ passiveness to pride:  
> I have a friend who is gay but he doesn't like getting involved with the 'lgbtq community' because he just isn't into that. He grew up where being straight and being gay was the same thing, he never 'came out' to his parents it was just treated like a regular thing. When people find out hes gay they ask him if he likes drag, what does he think of straight pride or the 'straights'- it all gets to political when all he wants to do is just be himself rather than the 'gay man'. He doesn't get offended when people presume he's straight, just moves on because they meant no harm instead of 'oh my god you assumed my sexuality!? Straight culture ew!"
> 
> That's kind of what I've been trying with Derek like in a previous chapter where he said he's never really put a label on his sexuality just knows that he's dated guys and he loves Stiles and if you call him gay or bi then that's fine. He just wants to love his family and Stiles wants the same, he doesn't want to stick up a pride flag, he isn't into fighting with bigots if he doesn't have to. Of course circumstances are different with Derek's family so he's grown up used to keeping things to himself without much trouble but its also the reasons above too.  
> So yeah, that's what I was going for because even as a bi person, I never wanted to be defined by my sexuality going on and on 24/7 about how I'm bi or watching steven universe just because 'omg gay couple!'. And Never have I ever wanted to write characters that are just 'aw my gay child' end of. there is more to character than who they fuck.
> 
> I want to make it clear finally there is nothing wrong with being the type of person who hangs a pride flag up or is obssessed with gay tik toks and the rainbow ect- hell more power to you. And there is importance in pride especially when u hear how old gays talk back when it was illegal and the history behind pride.
> 
> ANYWAYS- that was a big note for a small thing in the chapter- sorry but felt like I had to explain so no one thought I was shitting on gay pride or somthing. Let me know what you thought about the rest of the chapter too, not just that small bit I obsessed over. Let me know too what are the hopes and idea you wanna see for this story, always love reading comments as I've said- they motivate me to write.
> 
> Thank you for all the support so far and see you later


	36. There Is Another World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles learns a little about Kira while at work and realises that should the worst come to worst, maybe it wouldn't be THE worst.

Monday morning Stiles was in the daycare centre, working with Kira. Specifically, they were outside. It was summer after all and even if kids were out of school, there were still a lot of parents at work who would need the daycare open. And since it was such a nice day, Kira had led the small class out to play on the swing sets and similar equipment outside. Right now, Stiles was putting sun cream over a fussy Lily's face, who wanted her Papa to hurry up so she could go and play with her friends already. Her pouting stopped when Stiles finished with some cream on her nose and she giggled before crawling off to the outside play mat with the bug squishy blocks.  
"Lemonade, Stiles?" Kira offered, the asian woman coming besides him with a smile and sitting down on the bench with him. The man accepted the glass graciously before turning his focus back to the all the kids.

He had a few things on his mind; when did he not these days? Tonight would be his first date night with Derek in well...years. They never really had date nights even when they were dating, they were constantly together after all. Derek would go to work during the day, Stiles would go to college and spend time with friends and then more often than not the two would spend the evening together. When Zayd and Netta were born they never needed to 'make time' for each other, not consciously at least. They always found time for one another, though that was mostly on Derek's part after Stiles stopped working- he was home all the time but Derek still came back to him and their family.  
But Stiles knows all that has changed now. And tonight he would be allowed to ask a lot of questions he hasn't got the chance to. Which terrified him. Did he want the answers? What if talking about what happened made things worse? If they went backwards instead of forwards? Dr Naeem has warned them that things would get worse before they get better but he can't help but think he and Derek will be a case where things just keep going south with no hope of salvaging anything.  
'Well if you think like that then it will go south!' He scolded himself with a scowl. God, when did he get so morbid. Stiles knows he's changed a lot this past year while Derek's been gone- he's snappy and irritable at times, negative and defensive as the good doctor has pointed out and helped him accept. And more often than not, he's sad with how things have been. And he wishes they could just go back to how they are.  
However, Stiles is still smart. And he knows, he knows you can't dwell on the past. Besides, as much as they aren't like happier times before, things have been getting better. Zayd isn't held up in his room anymore, Netta has become more of her cheery self instead of 'trying to be good' for Stiles and Lily- she's is doing so fucking good that Stiles sometimes wonders what he was every worried about.  
Derek too, Stiles can't deny that he's stepped up. In a lot of ways; from the beginning with the money in the joint account (even if Stiles didn't like the gesture at first), how calm he was with Theo and taking care of the kids- hell Zayd told Stiles about the incident with his Captain and how everything was fine after Derek talked to him (Stiles still can't believe Derek still remembers Isacc's stupid crush on him). Anyone could see that the man was trying, as hard as he could do without pushing to hard or crossing any lines. And yeah, Stiles was so fucking mad when he found out he met with Luke but once he heard the full story...he got it at least. Stiles can't promise that he would have been rational if Derek told him from the beginning what was going on but it doesn't change the fact that his husband still should have told him still!  
That's why they're trying couples therapy now right? Because they both got things to work on, Stiles has questions that Derek needs to answer. A lot of 'why' questions. And tonight, hopefully he'll get those answers.

"Kira?" Stiles called suddenly, the women turning to him as she took a sip form her straw. "Are you married?" He asked, because he didn't know much about Kira and he kind of could use some advice right now too if she has any experience in marriage difficulties.  
"I'm divorced." She said easily and it caught Stiles off guard. Kira Yukimura, the kind sweetheart type was divorced! That was actually possible? Kira took in Stiles surprised look and laughed. "Don't act so shocked. Shit happens." She shrugged.  
"How come? If you don't mind me asking!" The woman had always respected his privacy and never asked too many questions about his situation so maybe he was stepping a line asking so suddenly.  
"I don't mind." She shrugged again. "We just...fell out of love." She began gently. "We were more college sweethearts than high school ones. We had a big wedding, I looked fucking hot in my dress by the way, and our honeymoon was just as good. We were fine...but that was it. Just fine. He travelled for work a lot and it didn't matter to be me because I was busy too with a new job as a teaching assistant. We were fine with being apart from each other and that...it didn't feel right." She sighed and shook her head as Stiles watched her with worry. "I'm not saying couples have to be clinging to each other or proclaiming their love every 5 seconds on social media. But You wouldn't think we were married unless you asked. You wouldn't think I was missing a husband because I didn't miss him. And should right? You should care your husband is spending most of the year away from home and seeing god knows who but I didn't. And he didn't miss me. Not that he cheated or anything but we were more like roommates or close friends but not a couple." She smiled a little as she looked over at Stiles. "When I realised that we didn't love each other as much as we used to I cried for days."  
"How long did the marriage last?"  
"About 15 years. In a few days will be my D-Day anniversary; 2 years since our papers were finalised." Stiles was in shock again. That long and not realising you weren't in love anymore? Shit was that what was happening with him and Derek? Did Derek not love Stiles any more- falling out of love with him until Stiles proved he was worthless when he fucked up with Lily  
No. He needed to stop. He wasn't going to Spiral. Stiles was better than this. He knows he was. But it was scary. He had read stuff like that before, seen it on all those rubbish talk shows- people who have been married for 20+ years but suddenly divorce for one reason or the other and Stiles wonders how can you spend that amount of time with someone only to fuck it up, or have that love go away. And he hurt him slightly to think that maybe he and Derek were headed in the same direction now.  
"I'm sorry Kira."  
"Don't be." She said confidently. "Being single...I think I prefer it." She smiled brightly at him. "I'm still friends with my ex husband, there's no reason to be. We don't have kids and it's not like we have many mutual friends that we'd bump into each other but still- he was a part of my life. One I think about fondly and look back on. Even if our marriage did end doesn't mean our relationship has to. It just stars again as friend." Kira counts herself lucky though, her husband was never a bitter man that he made the divorce difficult, they talked and worked out a system to get through the process and that was that. A new start to each of their lives. "People need connections, Stiles. But not everyone needs to be married or have a relationship for those connections. I like my life better now I'm single. I don't have some ache in my chest going back to an empty house like some people think. I have friends, I have my job, these kids and hobbies- my life is still moving. Not at some stand still just because I'm no longer married." Stiles supposed she probably had to defend or felt defensive about her life style now and then. "And truly? I don't see marriage in my future again. At least for a long time."  
"I'm happy for you Kira." Stiles smiled at her and...that made him feel better. If only a little but still. Because like he said, Derek had been doing better with him and the kids, if they did separate then maybe Stiles could handle the single life. He had a job now, his kids were better and if Derek was still willing to be supportive has he has been then they were set. Stiles didn't have to jump into dating or find a 'provider'- he could do that couldn't he? Maybe he hasn't had as much experience but the brunette felt he was doing alright so far. And that's with the uncertainty of his relationship and anxiety from everything else. All things he was getting help with. Maybe instead of worrying about if he was with Derek or someone else, Stiles could allow himself to consider a possibility of being alone. Not in the destructive or terrifying way he was thinking of lately but in the sense that he can handle himself, he can take care of himself and his family. Like Kira said, people need connections; Stiles had those, in his friends and family. He didn't need a relationship if that's what was dragging him down.

"How did you know you..didn't love him anymore?" He blushed a little when Kira laughed at him.  
"I'm sorry but I get it. It sounds weird right? Falling out of love!" She spread her legs slightly just to feel comfortable. "I don't know. Like I said we didn't miss each other. We didn't look forward to seeing each other- not that we didn't want to come home and see one another-" unlike him and Derek, "But sometimes I walked into the house and he was home after months and I just said hi and went about my day while he watched TV. There was no hug or kisses or 'oh my god you're back!'. From his end, he didn't even contact me most nights just knew when I'd be home and when I wouldn't be. Yet I wasn't lonely." She took a sigh then. "It was more than the comfort level in marriage you know? When you don't feel the need to shower the person in romance or prove your love anymore. Walking around in sweats around each other, pigging out and not feeling the need to text I love you every time you just ask about dinner. It was more like...we were just passing each other by. And the house we lived in was just a common meet up area." Stiles felt his heart ache a little because that's what happened with Derek sometimes. Stiles came to realise in therapy that he avoided Derek too- when they kept fighting and Derek started staying nights in his office, Stiles avoided him purposefully when he DID come come. Just so they wouldn't fight. However, maybe after Summer and the kids went back to school and he was less hectic with Lily (still worried of course), Stiles began to long for his husband to come back. To be there. But according to Derek's timeline, Stiles now knows Derek was too 'busy' to come home after work and only came when Stiles was asleep or he 'spent the night in the office'. The rare times he did come home and Stiles caught him in the kitchen or something, he felt so damn happy. But Derek always dismissed him and just had to leave suddenly. Why? Maybe Derek had fallen out of love with him...Maybe he truly did love Luke at some point and now all his actions have been out of guilt?

"If you don't mind me saying Stiles," Kira saw the wheels turning in the man's head as he listened to her story, probably relating it to his own situation. "I mean, I don't know much so you can tell me to shut up if you want but I know...something is happening between you and that husband of yours. Big guy that was here a few months ago and come down now and then?"  
"Looks like a Lumberjack supermodel?"  
"I was gonna say porn star but that works too." Kira and Stiles shared a laugh at that. "I was just saying that...he doesn't seem like a bad guy. And again, I don't know what he did or how far you issues go but all I know is that he looks at you in a way my ex husband never looked at me. A way I never looked at him."  
"I know..." Stiles looked down at his lap, guessing since Kira answered his questions then at least owed her some information. "I still love him too. Our issue aren't to do with love. Its to do with...commitment and trust. Communication is a big part of it. Honestly its a lot of stuff."  
"Is that why you asked if I was married?"  
"Kind of. It did help." He told her sincerely. "Most of my friend are married or single. No one divorced so as much as I'm trying to fix things...I don't really know what to expect on the other side if we don't make it through this. Everyone is practically ready with guys they want to introduce me to..."  
"You don't have to if you don't want to." She told him earnestly. "Trust me I get it, after my divorce it was...hard. I won't lie. Up until I realised we weren't in love anymore, this was the man I thought I would have my happy ending with you know? Grow old together and all that. It was hard to come to terms with my true feelings and that he wasn't the man I was 'meant' to be with."  
"Forever and Ever?" Stiles finished the cliche sentiment.  
"Forever and Ever." Kira repeated back, giggling a little at how stupid it sounded to her. "Thing change...people change. And Maybe it's not the expectations we had and it's hard to see any other way than what we planned and hoped for. What we dreamed about and was taught." No one truly prepares you for the unconventional. Whether it's not going to college or a divorce.  
"Think I could do it?" He asked her slowly, scared of the answer. "Be on my own I mean, when it comes to..all this."  
"I think you could." Kira smiled a little as she saw him almost preen at the validation. "Anyone could if they try, if they're confident in themselves. It's not some dark hallway or scary beginning everyone makes it out to be." She pursed her lips for a moment. Stiles could feel the 'but' coming but she was hesitating.  
"Come on say it." He encouraged. "I can take it."  
"But it only work if that's what you really want, Stiles. " She didn't want to influence his choice, it felt wrong as an outsider. Both to Stiles and Derek. Kira remembers her divorce, how many people were in her ear with their own opinions and 'guidance'. "Just...Don't do it just because you can. Do it because it feels right, that it'll make you happy. Just because I like being single and it works for me, doesn't mean that you should do it on some sort of..principle of independence or something..." If Stiles was himself a few months ago he might have gotten offended, he might have gotten angry and Kira and yelled before causing a scene and grabbing Lily then leaving to file divorce papers again just to show that he could do it.

Now though, after months of therapy and learning from his mistakes and how his feeling are valid, he smiled and nodded his head. Because Kira was only trying to help. She wasn't attacking him or making a choice for him or telling him what to do. She was helping. Help that he asked for. And she was right, Stiles had options and being single at the end of this was one of them. But he shouldn't do it out of some obligation to prove he 'don't need no man' or some shit like that. He should do it if that's what he wanted, what he needed. What his family wanted and needed. Stiles knew to think about himself now as well as the needs for his family and right now? He and his family needed and wanted to see where this thing with Derek went. Where it would take him he doesn't know but Stiles feels like he could handle this.  
So instead of getting angry and defensive, he wrapped and arm around Kira and pulled her close in a side hug, the women grinning as she was pulled into position, and simply said:

"Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a short chapter because I did want to address a small area I don't think I've touched on too much with this story and that the possibility of Stiles being single in the aftermath as well as other themes too such as falling out of love.  
> Sorry it is shorter than the other though, didn't want to rush this or have the chapter out late so here it is. Thank you for all the support so far, I hoped i showed some growth in Stiles in this chapter. Let me know in the comments and leave kudos too. Both motivate to keep writing. Thank you.


	37. Just Had to Come Home and I'm Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek and Stiles Date Night, Stiles wants to play ignorance to his problems and just enjoy the first half of the night before he gets serious with his husband.

"Are you sure you don't mind?" Derek asked for the millionth time as Boyd rolled his eyes. They were finishing up a new dinner table Boyd was making for a client by adding a final coat of varnish over the surface of the wood. Tonight was going to be Derek and Stiles first ever 'date night' and the man wanted everything to go smoothly. This was his moment to un-apologetically show his husband that he does love him and he does know him, to give Stiles hope and reassurance that he isn't making a mistake giving Derek another chance. However, he still needed a little help when it comes to the kids if both their parents were gone and Boyd, being the best friend he was, offered to take the kids for the evening, even taking Erica and their daughter to Stiles house so the kids didn't have to leave home- Derek thinks they've been moved around enough.  
"Yes, I don't mind Derek. Erica and I adore your kids and Saffron wants to play with Netta. We really don't mind." He said, for the millionth time that afternoon. Derek has been doing well and Boyd hasn't needed to hold his hand lately. Don't get him wrong, he wasn't pleased to hear about the situation at work with Luke but it truly was out of Derek's control and as much as he didn't tell Stiles, Derek did handle it in the end. He's been working hard with Stiles and his kids since and Boyd wanted to lend a hand this summer. "Come on, lets hurry and finish up then we can all get going. You can't be late after all."Derek nodded his agreement and continued with the varnish until Boyd spoke up again. "So...how's the job search going?"  
"Nothings really changed." He sighed. "I'm not really sure what to do, just staying away from anything law elated but that makes finding a whole new sustainable career hard. I have no job experience in anything else and anywhere that does get back to me and offers me training just means I won't have time for my family again..." And he can't go back to that kind of life. He just can't. Boyd listened but he seemed half hearted.  
"Too bad...You ever thought of working for me?" He said casually and Derek almost thought he was joking until Boyd starred at him waiting for an answer.  
"You're serious?" The man breathed out incredulously.  
"Sure. Why not?" Derek is definitely beyond the training stage at this point. He's been helping Boyd out for months and his work has improved to the point where Derek is able to do smaller projects while Boyd does the big centrepieces saving him a considerable amount of time. "We work well together, I'm my own boss and take on as many projects as I can handle and you've helped both double that and helped me still make the deadlines or even finish early. Though I can't promise you would earn as much as when you were a lawyer but I think I have a pretty good set up regardless. Hours a flexible if you just check in with me, I got my own family I wanna spend time with so it can help you with time if that's a problem." The dark skinned man hasn't needed to justify or explain his business since he got the bank loan. He works alone and for commission for rich or wealthy people. He's not the main breadwinner, Erica and he share the burden of finances but their join income does more than provide the necessities for their family- his wife is an expensive bitch after all.  
"I..Thanks Boyd. I'll think about it. You don't get how much this means to me."  
"Don't worry about it." Boyd shrugged, and although he's not pressuring Derek, he would like to work with his friend. Not even for Stiles and Derek's benefit but just because Derek would be a great asset to his business and working with a friend is always a plus, especially since he trusts that Derek won't take advantage of his kindness or friendship.  
Both men finished up with the table and Derek cleaned up while Boyd called the lady who ordered the table and tell her it was done, a full 2 days before the deadline. Derek had thought about heading in carpentry a few times during his job search, he kind of enjoyed it but as he looked into each job description or opening at a certain company, it just wasn't what he was looking for in terms of times or what he's been doing with Boyd. He liked that his friend worked from home in his own little work room, he liked that he had his own hours and made the rules but Derek couldn't fine somewhere or someone to have that same experience with. He doesn't know why joining Boyd officially had yet to cross his mind.  
But that was something consider now wasn't it?

Stiles was being stupid. At least he felt stupid. Ugh, what was he doing? All he had to do was pick some clothes and then wear them. That's It. It should not be that hard! Except it was and now he was stuck. He thought he had it figured out before. Lily was sat on the bed watching her Papa curiously as he changed outfits for the fifth time in past hour. He's never been on a date before okay? At least not one that was so explicitly a date that his estranged husband was planning. Hell, going on a date with your cheating husband was a whole other thing- do you dress casual, hot, like you aren't trying but clearly were agonising it over it obsessively and oh god Lily is looking at him like he's gone crazy.  
Or maybe it was her normal baby gaze, he doesn't know.  
"What do you think baby?" He asked, turning around so the infant could get a good look at his outfit. A white t shirt over a greyish blue open jean shirt with the sleeves rolled up. He matched it all with some black jeans and white shoes- this whole outfit Lydia bought him when they went out as 'retail' therapy. And Lily's opinion?  
Apparently she could give less of a shit as she chewed the ends of her hair. Stiles sighed defeated and just chuckled at his child. Deciding he looked good enough (and also to leave the room before he changed again), he picked Lily off the bed and walked down the stairs to Zayd watching TV with Netta. The young boy looked up at his father as he set Lily down on her playmat.  
"You look really good Papa." Zayd smiled as Stiles sighed out in relief before thanking him. It was a good think Stiles came down now because the doorbell rang. He opened it up and in came Erica and Boyd, their little girl in Erica's arms who she set down to run off with Netta.  
"Hi Stiles!" Erica greeted, hugging her friend once he shook Boyd's hand. She step backed and very obviously gave him a once over before whistling appreciatively. "Super cute. See? There is life in clothes outside flannel." Stiles scoffed, Lydia had said something similar to him too.  
"Derek is waiting in the car, as per your instructions." Boyd told him gently before moving to settle besides Zayd at the TV, greeting the teen. Stiles understood that Boyd was both trying to help his marriage and support Derek even if he didn't like what Derek did. Boyd was still Derek's friend and he wanted to help, just like Scott did with Stiles. And Stiles couldn't fault Boyd for that. After some quick rules to his children (and Erica because she's a terrible influence), and making sure they both had his contact details, Stiles said bye to everyone and walked out his house. He sighed heavily at the front door before walking down to the car where Derek was waiting, drumming his fingers against the dashboard. He stopped once Stiles opened the passenger door and got in, clearing his throat.  
"Hi."  
"Hey." Derek responded awkwardly about to start up the car before he finally looked at Stiles and froze. The man felt nervous under his husband's gaze. "You...You look handsome Stiles. Like- stunning." Fuckable the pervert in his head wanted to supply but Derek wasn't even sure if normal compliments were around forget frat boy level primal instinct type compliments. Stiles blushed lightly and shrugged.  
"Thanks...You look good too." Which wasn't fair at all because his husband always fucking looked good. Even now with his hair up, touches of greys on the side only making him look sexier, his beard trimmed down to a heavy stubble instead. And while his husband dressed in a plaid ripped green shirt with jeans was definitely a nice sight, it did make Stiles unconscious in his own appearance but he tried to not pay attention to that feeling as Derek started up the car and drove off.

"Bowling?" Stiles couldn't help but laugh a little as they ended up outside the towns bowling centre. Granted, Stiles didn't know what to expect but bowling was so...normal? Derek chuckled gently with a small blush on his cheeks. They had talked idly and gotten into a conversational rhythm on the way here but nothing major was discussed, just enough to break the ice.  
"I thought that since it's our first night out, just something relaxing instead of overwhelming?" Stiles wasn't a romantic dinner type after all, he always complained the portion sized didn't deserve the heavy price and the desserts were always a let down with gold everywhere to make it pretty and give people bragging rights. Besides, this way they could have fun before going potentially getting into a fight. "They have a more active mini diner inside too, curly fries and shakes as well as some nacho platters." He watched as Stiles smile faltered slightly and Derek wondered why.  
"I...um..Sure. That sounds great." Stiles sighed out. He hadn't eaten anything like that in months since Beacon Hills. In fact, Stiles has made a few changes to his diet since coming home but he can allow himself one night right? He got out the car with his husband and headed inside, both men renting some bowling shoes and moving to their designated lane.

Derek forgot how competitive Stiles was until the younger man had lost the first round and glared over at Derek with the promise of revenge. Derek laughed in his face and that might have been the wrong shot as the brunette completely destroyed him the second round with strike after strike flashing across the screen with Derek only getting one strike and about 3 spares. In the end, Stiles had won. The Brunette felt like he should have played hard to get during this night, 'make him work for it' he recalled Scott telling him over the phone earlier today, but he just couldn't. Stiles missed just being around his husband, missed having fun with him and their banter, even there was a dark cloud over their head during their safe talks that they would have to address soon. He knows they have problems and they'll come out tonight but right now he just wanted to have some fun. Hell, the first time he went bowling was with Derek and his father during college; one so the men could get know each other and hopefully get John talking to Derek about other things apart from the amount of guns he has and two so Stiles could try bowling as he's always wanted to during high school (but had no one to go with). It was a fun night as this was one was turning out to be.  
"Say it!" Stiles pestered childishly, clearly with no care in the world and kept going. "Just tell me nice and loud the name of the person who kicked your ass at bowling and then hand me over my well earned 20 dollars."  
"Did we bet on this?" Derek asked with amusement in his voice as he and Stiles went and sat in the dinning area.  
"I like to think we did. Especially since I won." He stuck his tongue out at Derek who rolled his eyes at him, a smile still present in his face nonetheless. Derek listened to Stiles ramble on about his so called technique just as their food arrived: a shared platter of cheesy and jalapeno nachos and 2 separate plates of curly fries with some chicken wings. Stiles paused to look at the food and Derek took note of that again before Stiles started talking again. But things like that didn't stop there.

"Do you remember when Erica streaking at Boyd's 30th birthday party?" Stiles was laughing a few minutes later.  
"Of course, I was the one that dared her too." Derek smirked, he didn't think the blond would actually go for it, but next thing he knew there was a naked women running around their back garden and Boyd cutting his party short just to throw his wife over his shoulder and take her upstairs. Derek never goes near their bedroom. Ever.  
"That was you!?" His eyes gleamed and if Derek wasn't watching closely, he would have missed the hesitation in Stiles breifly before the brunette shoved a chicken wing onto his plate. "You deserve that for creating that kind of entertainment!"  
Derek raised a brow, it was the second time had pawned off food. That's not all, he knows his husband had the tendency to talk a lot but Stiles was almost talking constantly he didn't even give himself a moment to actually eat his food, instead he kept moving it around on the plate. Derek made a note to come back to that behaviour and keep an eye out on it for later. Maybe Stiles just had a big lunch or something...he shouldn't presume. But it didn't stop Derek from lightly joking at how much he was eating compared to Stiles in an indirect attempt to get him to eat more. Which kind of worked, the platter didn't look like only one person was eating from it now and Derek was no longer getting extra he didn't ask for. But aside from that small concern, the evening was going fine. The only problem was that neither of the men wanted the good mood to end, no one wanted to start the bad part of the evening and both just wanted to pretend like they were any normal couple just out for a good time. Then of course an actual normal couple had to remind them that that wasn't the case.  
"OH MY GOSH!!" Came a loud screech and everyone around them including Stiles and Derek turned to see a man on one knee holding out a diamond ring to the girl before him who was tears and nodded and she said yes to her now fiance's proposal. Everyone clapped and whoops were heard but back at the dinning booth, Derek and Stiles clapped along no where near the same volume as everyone else.

After the excitement died down, Stiles twirled his straw around his soda glass. There was an solemn and awkward silence between the two men now. As romantic as that spectacle was, Stiles kind of hopes that couple tips on their asses on the way home. It was bitter but he didn't care.  
"I wanted to propose to you." Stiles eyes shot up as Derek spoke suddenly.  
"You so realise we're married now right?" He asked with a small huff of laughter.  
"No I mean...back when you proposed to me years ago. When you were 18? I wanted to propose to you." He said and Stiles jaw almost dropped. "We'd only been dating 2 years but I was already thinking about, looking at the rings the day you propose to me actually. I planned to win your dad over, ask him for his blessing, hopefully get a yes and then take you away after you graduated college and propose. It was a full 3 to 5 years plan in my head."  
"Guess I beat you to it." Stiles smiled a little down at the table. He doesn't regret proposing. He doesn't regret getting married. But he used to wonder if he hadn't proposed, would Derek have done eventually? Guess he had his answer. "Do you regret it?" He cleared his throat and swallowed down a lump already forming. "Being married I mean...do you regret saying yes?"  
"NO!" Derek looked around awkwardly at the few people in the dinning area looking at him before lowering his voice. "I don't regret it Stiles. I've never regretted falling in love you, getting married, having children- everything. I don't regret it. The only thing I truly regret is..well...You know."  
"Say it." Stiles voice hardened, annoyed and afraid. Derek looked exhausted in that moment and just sighed.  
"Cheating on you. I regret fucking another man while you were there- home. We might have had problems already but I didn't help with fixing those problems. And for that I'm deeply sorry Stiles." He doesn't know how many times he'll have to apologise but the man doesn't care. He need this wonderful man before him to know that he's sorry and he'll never not regret what happened- what he did.  
"What did you do specifically?" Stiles asked, holding his hand up. "I mean, I know you fucked him. I know you two had sex everywhere and anywhere," he didn't even know if that's an exaggeration or not. "But what else?" Derek rubbed the back his neck before answering.  
"I stayed overnight at his house a few times." Neither man was actually going to say Luke's name. Why would they. "We...watched movies. Talked. I don't know, we just did normal things I guess. Sometimes he'd make me food.." Derek didn't know why but admitting that the relationship was beyond sexual felt like it made things worse.  
"So you spent time with him..." Stiles summed up sadly. "You actively enjoyed a second life with him when you said you had no free time. Told me you were busy with work when really you left work to go to your new home with him."  
"Stiles-"  
"He cooked for you. You had dinner with him when I was at home and kept dinner for you or even offered to make it fresh when you came home late. What did he cook for you?"  
"It wasn't...What do you mean..."  
"Movie nights too! What did you watch? Did you have fun?"  
"Why is that important?" Derek didn't mean to come across defensive but instantly regretted his tone when Stiles clamped his mouth shut. "Shit, no...I just... Stiles I don't understand why you want to know all this. It's not going to make anything better."

"Because I want to know why you loved him more than me." He whimpered suddenly and Derek grew alarmed at the sudden tears streaming down Stiles face. "Did you do this with him too? Date nights- go bowling with your new boyfriend?" He wanted to push Derek away when he got out his side of the booth and sat next to him, pulling him close against his chest. But he just didn't have the strength to move or even look at his husband. He cried for a good few minutes, Derek glaring at anyone who passed and stopped to stare or even slowed down or lingered too long. The man also ordered a glass of water for Stiles instead of another soda. Stiles said nothing as he took the glass and drank it half empty in one go.  
"Better?" Derek asked, and honestly it sounded stupid to just ask that.  
"No." Stiles croaked out, but he had stopped crying at least. If he wanted answers, he would need to have a real conversation no matter how difficult it gets or how angry he feels. "I just...I just want to know. Did you love him? Please be honest with me." He watched with baited breath as Derek was silent. He kept an arm around Stiles even as he leaned back comfortably.  
"I was in love with the idea of him." The man settled on. He had touched on the subject a few times with Dr Naeem and so knew his feeling a little more than a few months ago. "At first it was just a sex thing. Then it became more of some strange coping mechanism thing. I was in denial about our problems, things going wrong with Lily and everything beyond that. When I went to his house and heard him talk about work or college or his shitty rich boy travels and whatever else mundane crap he wanted, it was all just an escape. A way to run from my responsibilities and pretend I was living some other life." He wasn't going to try and spin it into something it wasn't. Dr Naeem helped reach these conclusions by himself even if he did tell her to fuck off a few times during the process to get to this point of understanding. "I think I was looking for a replica of you."  
"That's so fucked up Derek..." Stiles sniffled, rubbing at his eyes.  
"I know." The man responded with a heavy sigh, Stiles feeling Derek's chest rise and fall against his back. "He was small, brunette, had a few freckles. But he was never really you. More muted. Like his hair is just brown and yours is..."  
"What?"  
"Chestnut. Lighter in the summer when the sun hit's it right, then it's all sorts of rich colours. His eyes were this plain darker brown but yours are like honey and...enstatite and zircon."  
"Excuse me?" Stiles moved to look at him with a smirk, not sure if he should feel offended or complimented.  
"Enstatite. It's a type of gemstone." Derek chuckled softly. "I never could find the right words to describe your eyes until I took Zayd to the museum when he was 4 and we saw the gemstone and minerals collection." Stiles couldn't decide if that was ridiculous or sweet. He frowned and looked back down at the surface of the table, the sweet moment passed.  
"Then why not just come home to me?" Stiles asked sadly. "Instead of trying to replace...if you loved me so much, if Luke wasn't good enough and I was, then why not just come home to me?" If it was a one time drunken mistake then Stiles would have forgiven Derek a long time ago after some heavy begging and grovelling. But no, it was 6 months of him having another life with someone, sharing his thoughts and feeling with someone else that wasn't Stiles.  
And Derek wanted to give Stiles an answer that could assure him, make this all better like it never happened. An answer like that doesn't exist though.  
"I don't know..." He responded. "I didn't love him though. Never in the way I love you. And if I could take this all back I would Stiles, God I want to so badly." He sounded so desperate and so tired. Stiles felt the same.

They headed home not long after that. A bittersweet evening all around but it had to be done. They paid for their food and Derek even bought some milkshakes to take back to the kids. The ride home was silent, nothing but the soft purr of Derek's car and passing cars outside. They pulled up and Derek bid Stiles a goodnight, Stiles doing the same and telling him he'll send Erica and Boyd out. Stiles opened up the door but then closed it, remaining in the car and confusing Derek.  
"If we manage to fix this..." He began, Derek straightening up in his seat. "What if things get difficult again years from now Derek? What if something else goes wrong and we don't handle it right- are you going to run off to find a replacement again too?" and maybe it wasn't a fair question because how could they know? Derek certainly couldn't turn back time so how could he tell the future?  
"I have faith in us." Derek replied with no hesitation or moment to think. "No matter what happens between us, whatever the future has installed...I know that after all this, we'll be better for it. We have to be. And no matter if we end up divorced by the end, I'm still not going to run away from hardship anymore." His head was against the head rest of his seat as he looked at Stiles from the stretched angle waiting for Stiles's doubtful reply.  
What he got instead of his husband leaning up and kissing his cheek lightly. It was so light Derek would probably think he imagined it all tomorrow morning but right now he was in a state of shock.  
"Tonight was...good Derek." It wasn't perfect, far from it. However given everything that's happened, Stiles thinks they did okay for a couple who had been playing dirty for the past year, a couple on thin ice because one cheated. "It was..nice."  
"Nice." Derek repeated, just to make sure he heard right. Hell, he's take any positive review of their first date night as long as it was positive. Stiles did get out the car then, a heavy feeling in his heart but a light weight off his shoulders.

Because this was their first real conversation about what happened, not anger. No accusations. Just the truth, and even if it was hard to hear, it's what Stiles needed to hear, that Derek could be honest with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bittersweet chapter, we're now getting into some unanswered questions that you all have been asking and wanting to know since the beginning. Taken us awhile but we're here.
> 
> I read a cheating article about a women who's husband all he did was kiss a women, no sex. But what hurt was the fact that her husband had been actively present in the other womens life than their own marriag and thats why she divorced him and thats whats kind of inspired this chapter alitte since it was kind of the scene I was going for anyway but didn't know the exact emotions I wanted to convey.
> 
> Thanks for all the support and kudos guys. Please leave a comment, it motivates me to keep writing especially with it being as long as it is XD. Thanks


	38. You Are The Best Version Of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Important feelings are brought up in couples counselling while Derek finally understand the mental effects his cheating has had on Stiles.

"It seems that you two had a productive evening." Rani praised as the two men were nearing the end of their first couples therapy session. It was a short one today, a quick half hour introduction session with the topic focusing mostly on their date night. It was difficult however, now that all topics were on the table for discussion. Dr Naeem was impressed that they ended the night on more or less civil terms despite tears and anger. She was especially impressed with Derek's handle of the situation given his established pattern of abandonment or neglect of their issues. "However, you said you don't understand Stiles need to question your relationship with Mr Russo after it's ended. Care to expand?" She watched them both flinch as she referred to Derek's affair as a 'relationship'- she did it intentionally.  
"It's not that. I mean, I get there's unanswered questions..." Derek knew that with their main concern being the well being of the children first and figuring out if their marriage is even worth saving, they skipped the whole explanation part of things in terms of what Derek did rather than why; they've talked a lot about the why by this point. "It just feels like we're taking a step back by hashing all these irrelevant details out."  
"Do you think they're irrelevant Stiles?"  
"No." Stiles responded, a little annoyed at Derek's reluctance to want to answer his questions. "I just want to know what he was doing-"  
"Tell Derek, Stiles. Not me. Communication remember." Rani reminded firmly, this wasn't a joint check up where they talked to her and she talked back. This was couples therapy, they needed to talk to each other. They had been doing well throughout their session to tell one another how they feel but they still had yet to make that a habit and so Rani had to remind the men sometimes to talk directly to the other and not indirectly through her when their partner was sat right next to them. Stiles bit his lip and turned on the couch so his whole body was facing his husband, who in turn did the same to show he was listening.  
"Of course I have questions about what you did with him. I want to know what you were doing, what you did with him that was so special you couldn't do it with me or our family?"  
"I don't get why that's so important Stiles." Derek said. "What happened happened but it's done. It's over now and I just want to move on with you and our kids without thinking of the past."  
"Don't dismiss his feelings now Derek." Rani warned carefully. "Stiles, why is this so important to you? Derek makes a valid point, what's done is done. Him telling you what he did during the relationship isn't going to make it suddenly go away."  
"Please stop!" Derek said, a little too loud that it made Stiles jump and Rani raise a brow at him. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I-I just mean- please stop calling it a relationship. It makes it sound like there was something between us but there wasn't, like there were feelings involved. Nowhere was there any feeling involved, no love. No where near what I feel for Stiles. It was....a fling at least and an affair at...most." Definitely not best. Rani couldn't help the small smirk from behind her clip board before clearing her throat and looking over at the brunette who was clearly relieved at the way his husband thought of Russo.  
"Well back on topic, if anything what Derek has just said adds to his argument Stiles. So I ask again: why is knowing every little detail about what he got up to so important for you? Especially at this stage of repairing your marriage?" She watched the younger man's eyes cast downwards and the elderly woman knew it was already more than just wondering why Derek didn't come home to him. 

"Stiles, if you don't mind me saying, you have to give yourself credit. You have made a lot of progress in terms of yourself and your self confidence. But that doesn't mean you won't have times where those feelings of inadequacy come back, especially as we open up and approach the affair. So please, don't be ashamed or scared to voice how you feel." If anything, it would just be something they could work on in his private therapy sessions and saying his feelings aloud would actually benefit Stiles in coming to terms with said feelings. The brunette took a deep breath and nodded at the Dr's words but he also recognised that he had a choice.  
"I...don't think I'm ready to talk about those feelings yet...I'm sorry Doctor."  
"That's perfectly fine. Remember, these sessions here to cater to you. But they're also here to challenge you so be warned that we will circle back to this until you are ready to address it." She noticed the disappointment in Derek's eyes just as she glanced at the time on her computer screen. "We are out of time so for now, I leave you with this gentlemen:  
Derek, as it has been the case throughout this process, difficult things are going to be have to be addressed in order to keep moving forward like you want. Those things you might not want to talk about or mention or don't see the point in answering. But Stiles needs those answers in order to move on, you can't rush this. Clearly there are things he isn't comfortable sharing with you yet and refusing to answer questions he has isn't going to help things just as we talked about in regards to keeping secrets.  
Stiles, I understand you may have trust issues with Derek and that is understandable, but Derek is also going to have questions and just like I told him, it will be almost impossible to move forward if you two are not honest with each other. That includes being honest with your feelings. While I want you to go at your own pace, I strongly encourage you to open up to your husband in order to build that intimacy and trust we were talking about. Good day gentlemen. " They said their goodbyes to her too and again as they usually did, sighed out in relief once she turned the camera off and hung up the call. Both of them once again, alone with each other.

This felt different from their individual therapy sessions with her. It left Stiles feeling raw and exposed but this time to Derek. And the older man felt the same. Even as they left the living room and headed to the garden where the kids were playing, there was still tension between them. The older man sighed as he sat down next to his husband who was sat with his knees up on the chair while they watched Netta ride Zayd's back like a horse with Lily clapping happily while she rattled her toy from the aquarium. Stiles hated that thing and after a particular hard thrust and loud jingle, he raised an unimpressed brow over at his husband who laughed awkwardly.  
"She liked it!" He defended weakly. Stiles bit the inside of his cheek to avoid smirking. He remember when Derek would spoil Netta and Zayd as babies. And now that the man was active in Lily's life again the whole cycle would start anew.  
"Come on, we have to work on walking with Lily." Stiles said, getting up and moving onto the grass, Derek in tow. They sat apart from each other with Lily in the middle of them. Getting an idea, Derek plucked the whale rattle from her hands only to have the girl whine and screech. Her papa was already pouting want to reach over and pick her while her daddy chuckled and waved it around in front of the girl.  
"If you wanna get it you better come over here ,baby." He laughed more as the girl scrunched her face up, as if wondering what the hell kind of game her parents were playing. Derek rattle the toy a few times and that seemed to entice the young girl who began to crawl over to her daddy with determination. Stiles had to laugh when the man held the toy above Lily's head in an attempt to get her to stand.  
It went on like that for a few minutes, the men passing the rattle between each other to get Lily to crawl between them. At some point Lily had enough and just sat the middle of them with an angry look on her face. She fell forward with her face against the blanket. Stiles would have been worried if it wasn't for the infant kicking her legs and whining, her daddy laughing loudly.  
"Well it wasn't her first words or steps, but definitely her first tantrum." Stiles commented with a small laugh, picking Lily up and cuddling her while she whimpered and took her rattle back from Derek who held it out to her.  
"We'll keep working at it." The dark haired man said, poking at Lilys cheek until she smiled and giggled once more. "That's my girl..." He praised gently. It was moments like these, Stiles holding their baby girl, Netta and Zayd playing behind them and Derek starring at said baby that made the man feel even shittier for thinking that living some fantasy life with an intern was better than all this. And it was also moment like these that made Stiles feel certain things that he couldn't articulate properly. But he had to try.

"I wanted to beat him." Stiles said suddenly, Derek looking up at his husband shocked and confused at the sudden words. "...Luke. I wanted to beat him."  
"Beat him? At what?"  
"With you. I just...I mean..." God he felt so fucking stupid. "Never mind..." He went to put Lily back on the blanket murmuring an excuse about dinner but was stopped by Derek.  
"No Stiles! Please..." He pleaded gently, trying not to attract attention from the make believe tea party Netta had trapped her older brother in on the other side of the garden. "Talk to me. I promise I'll listen. Just don't shut me out." He wanted to know what Stiles was talking about, why he would say Luke's name after months. Even Derek didn't think of that young man as anything other than a bastard or bad nightmare in his mind. The brunette looked hesitate and was going to call foul with Derek unfairly holding Lily to again hist chest to make an adorable scene. However, he just settled on sitting back down silently and picking at the grass so he didn't have to look his husband in the eyes.  
"Luke is younger...he does law like you so clearly he's smarter than me. And I saw him at the party," The boy was hard to miss at a party full of grown adults in their 40s and late 30s with little kids. "And he was attractive whereas I'm getting line on my face now. And it's not like I can change back time to look younger so I just...I wanted to find out what you guys did so I could.... I mean, I can cook better right? And I know I kinda stopped for the kids but we can go out and watch movies. Which ever you want I promise- I'm even trying to diet and lose the baby weight! Just don't..." He swallowed heavily. "I just wanna beat him in being enough in some kind of way..." He doesn't want Derek running off thinking Stiles couldn't do the things that Luke can.  
"Stiles....Ah Fuck." Derek ran a hand down his face, placing Lily down on the blanket and moving to sit besides Stiles, pulling him close despite the man resisting slightly before settling against him. Everything made sense now. "You are so much more than enough- more than I deserve." He told him earnestly. It was fact after all. "From everything, you are so much more smarter than him- Your father and I have always told you that you could have gotten much more than a teaching degree-"  
"That's what I wanted!" Stiles glared to which Derek chuckled.  
"I know baby. You're so damn selfless and caring, your classroom loved you when you worked. Then you stopped all that to dedicate yourself to our kids." He glanced over his shoulder at the kids and made sure Lily was busy with her feet before the man ran his hands down Stiles side and under his shirt.  
"Derek!" The smaller man blushed a deep red, trying to keep his voice down. "The kids!"  
"The three beautiful ones you gave me." He said huskily into his ear. "Wanna try for four?"  
"Whats the matter with you!?" He cried incredulously, trying not to smile as it was clear Derek wasn't serious when he laughed.  
"I'm just saying that I love you, Stiles. More than you'll know and more than I thought was possible for someone like me. The family I come from. But it happened and I love everything about you from the way you are with people, the way you are with our kids, the way you are in bed-" He just dodged the smack to his arm Stiles was aiming for and instead grabbed his husbands hands. "and I wouldn't change a damn thing about you. I mean it. I don't want you younger, older, taller or short, I just love you. So just don't sell yourself short because of my stupid choices..." He looked down at their hands then, a sad look on his face. Stiles wrist were always small compared to his but right now they looked smaller. "And no more dieting especially."  
"What's wrong with my dieting? I just wanna get healthy..."  
"You just admitted to me you're competing with that whore in your mind so I'm calling bs on that." Derek scoffed, rolling his eyes but then remembered that he shouldn't be dismissive. "If you're really serious about this than we can start a programme, get you workout routine or manage your food BETTER- I don't mind if you want to be healthy Stiles but don't just stop eating or anything like that because of 'him'. Please?" He asked gently, Luke had already affected their lives enough. He was not letting that bastard take over his husband's health next and Derek was not going to stand by and let Stiles develop some dangerous habits.  
"Okay...I'll think about it. The workouts I mean!" HE rushed quickly when Derek looked panicked. "I'll start eating normally again. Promise."  
"Thank you." He sighed out, leaning his chin atop of Stiles head as he held the man, who didn't protest this time and just allowed himself to be held if only for a few minutes.  
Derek still didn't stay for dinner that night, not wanting to overstay his welcome. But he did make sure Stiles had an actual portion of the dinner he made rather than something akin to leftovers not even enough for dog. Stiles did however make him some food to take back with him to Boyd and Erica's. And Derek couldn't have been happier with that.

The next afternoon, Stiles was with Zayd at the grocery store just getting some shopping for the house.  
"So Zayd...anyone new love interest wise-"  
"Imma stop this conversation right here to go get..." The boy glanced at the shopping list quickly for something on the other side of the story. "Orange chocolate!" He declared, leaving his laughing papa behind him. Stiles occupied himself with taking a look at some new video games for his son and him to play at home. Maybe something classic remastered. Or maybe a hipster retro indie horror?  
"Wow I didn't people your age knew what video games were for." Stiles was about to tell this rude stranger off until he saw who it was.

There with a large shit eating grin on smug face was Luke Russo. In the middle of a goddamn supermarket. "How are ya Miles?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick chapter I know, at least quick compared to the rest. Hope you liked it though, thanks for the support. Leave kudos and keep commenting because those really help motivate me to keep writing. Anything you really wanna see or got idea? Just suggest em below.


	39. He Chose Me, Do I Choose Him?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek gets some perspective from Erica. Later he gets a call from Stiles.

Derek and Erica fell against a pink coloured bench in exhaustion as their young daughters played in the ball pit of the play centre. It was one of Netta's friends birthday today and of course his little princess was invited. Since Stiles was shopping, Derek of course offered to take Netta himself. Surprisingly, Erica also wanted to come along with Saffron, thinking the girl would appreciate a large maze of toys to run around in.  
Derek wasn't on the best terms with Erica still, she may not hate him as much as before and they're civil but they haven't spent any moment as actual friends. So the ride on the way to the play centre was awkward to say the least, both content just remaining silent while they're daughters talked in the back of the car loudly and filling the silence. When they got there however, Derek wasn't prepared for the absolute chaos of the building; food everywhere in the dining area, parents running around to keep track of their children, hell it took Erica and Derek 5 minutes to actually find the mother in charge of the party to let the woman know their children were here- she was both welcoming to them and looked like she wanted to murder them for bringing more little brats in. Clearly she regretted this party.  
Which is the feeling Erica and Derek could now sympathise with as they sat defeated, having just spend half an hour trying to chase their daughters down after they wondered off into 5 different birthday party groups, Erica even crawling around amongst other children through the tunnels and slides to keep up with her sly 3 year old. Now both Netta and Saffron were satisfied to play in the ball pit besides their tired parents.  
"Remind me next time to send Boyd here with Saffron next time I'm angry at him. Which is now actually." Erica commented.  
"You're just mad because he has the easier job of looking after Lily right now." Derek chuckled, on the phone texting Boyd right now for updates on his youngest. Erica flipped him off, not caring if some child saw her. "Why come by the way?"  
"For you." She said easily with a shrug to which Derek looked at her completely shocked.

Erica Reyes, as much as she favoured Stiles right now, was a mutual friend of the couple. She met Derek a few times when she got with Boyd during college and then clicked easily with Stiles when they all went on a double date together. The blonde found Stiles funny and charming while Derek was reserved and private. Both balanced each other out and she found their relationship to be a close second in relationship goals to her and Boyd. So when Derek's affair came to light several months ago, Erica was pissed. But also very disappointed in Derek- this was a man she's seen grown way from his overbearing family, this was a man who she's seen love Stiles and their children with all their heart. Her own husband vouched for Derek and still does to this day. But in all honesty, Erica missed her friend, especially with him living in her house. Still, that doesn't mean he's going to let Derek off the hook so damn easily even if he is working on his marriage with Stiles.  
"We haven't talked in awhile. So ya know..." Erica popped her lips. "Whats new?" It was strange, not knowing how to talk to this man who she's spent a good few decades being friends with.  
"Oh you know...Couples counselling with Stiles."  
"Right! That's still going?" Derek smirked at the blonde who smirked back.  
"Very much so." He laughed lightly, a tight smile on his face before sighing. "He stopped eating because me." This caught the women's attention who looked annoyed instantly but decided to hold back until he explained himself. "I made him think he's not good enough when I...well everything. He was already feeling like shit when Lily was born, now me cheating on him with-"  
"A young whore." Erica supplied unhelpfully but Derek didn't stop her.  
"Yeah, that- has now made Stiles feels worse. Now hes dieting and trying to 'beat' him and it's just- Just a mess." He shook his head, ashamed and angry at himself and Luke.  
"You're fault."  
"Never said it wasn't." Derek has never blamed anyone but himself for this whole mess. It takes two to cheat as Dr Rani pointed out, but Luke had no obligations to anyone. He wasn't ruining Derek's marriage, Derek ruined their marriage by continuing the affair. He's the married man with all the responsibility, not the intern. Still, doesn't mean his anger wasn't justified as again, Dr Rani has helped him come to terms with. The man is allowed to be mad at his mistress, allowed to hate him and blame him- as long as he understand what blame to actually allocate the younger man. "If I didn't cheat, I wouldn't have given Stiles any reason to doubt that he isn't good enough."  
"Well whoop dee doo(!)" Erica scoffed, rolling her eyes exaggeratedly. "So what do you plan on doing it about it instead of being a little bitch?" She asked, blunt and crass as ever. Derek watched some women behind them cover her child's ears and huffed before walking away.  
"I just...I want to remind him that he is way more than enough for me. He's perfect. And Luke doesn't even compare." He said confidently. He shared his concerns in a email to Rani since his individual session wasn't until the weekend. The women had assured him that she'll speak to Stiles about it but luckily it doesn't seem like he has any actual eating disorders, just insecure. Which wasn't great in itself but it does mean that the solution was simple or at least sounded simple enough; if Stiles was trying to change is appearance because he thinks Luke is what Derek wants, then clearly Derek has to prove his husband wrong. Like with all things he needs to do to gain Stiles' trust, it will take time.  
"Damn right he doesn't. It's not Stiles fault your blind to what was in front of you." Erica huffed. Derek hummed his agreement. "Blind as a fucking bat. Maybe it's your age-"  
"You're 2 years older than me."  
"Oh fuck off, I don't look a day over 25 and you know it." The blonde flipped her hair, the man rolling his eyes fondly. They turned their attention to a teen staff member coming over nervously, acne all over his face and already breaking out in a sweat the closer the kid got to the intimidating women who was glaring at him angrier the closer he got.  
"Excuse me ma'am...could you refrain from using bad language? Other parents are complaining-"  
"Fuck em too."  
"ERICA!"

They eventually got kicked out. Well yes and no; The party was coming to a natural end with the kids getting tired and Netta didn't like any of the food they were serving so Derek respectfully told the mother in charge of the party that they would be leaving. Erica was already prepared to leave and went to get Saffron from the sand pit when one particular brat blew sand at her daughters eyes.  
All hell broke loose the. Erica demanded the boy apologise, he cried to his mother to proceeded to insult Erica, Derek told the women that she was the one out of line and stepped between the women and Erica and said women then insulted Saffron. A grave mistake. An argument and security being called later, the two children along with their parents were on their way back, Erica with birthday cake in her hair while the girls were sleep in their seat and Derek drove.  
"You know you didn't have to slam that mothers face into the birthday cake." Derek tried to lecture but was clearly amused himself.  
"Her brat threw sand at Saffron. She didn't apologise and even blamed my baby- she got what she deserved." Erica said, proud of herself.  
"Fair enough." The women huffed and crossed her arms and as much as Derek didn't appreciate the potential ban on that place since Netta liked it so much, he's sure the young girl will understand that Aunt Erica was just defending her baby, as Derek would for his children.  
"Thanks for...having my back..." Erica spoke up after a few minutes of silence. He shook his head.  
"I'm pretty sure you handled it all on your own if that women's priceless face was anything to go by." He smirked at Erica who giggled. They drove alone for awhile again, stopping to buy some tissues and wipes for Erica to clean up with before hitting the road again. She was busy cleaning out some cake out her hair as best as she could (mumbling angrily about working on her curls last night only to have them ruined) as some music on the radio played quietly between them. Derek was focused on driving when Erica addressed him.

"Boyd told me you spoke to your little side piece by the way. A month ago I think?" She grinned as the man besides her groaned. "Relax, he assured me you weren't trying to start your relationship up again. Oh sorry! Affair right?" She watched in satisfaction as Derek blushed, the women clearly knowing more than she was letting on. "Stiles told me about your little freak out on your lovely Doctor."  
"Fantastic(!)" He responded sarcastically, not that he was mad at Stiles for telling Erica, Derek shared things with Boyd, but he wasn't looking forward to the women's hot take on things.  
"Bit defensive don't you think?" She prodded with a raised a brow. "Denying what happened like that. Rushing Stiles to move on."  
"I Wasn't-!" He took a deep breath, thinking carefully about how to say this. "It wasn't a relationship to ME. At least not in the way I defined one, yes we had 'relations', yes I had sex with him and yes we did more but it wasn't a relationship."  
"Movie nights sounds kind of date-like to me." She commented intentionally.  
"It was a convenience." He began, continuing when Erica gave him a confused look. "All I wanted was sex, if you want it blatantly then I was using Luke. Using him because of his vague similarities to Stiles. Those times we watched movies or talked after we all just part of he convenience of not wanting to go home at the time. I never suggested a movie to watch or took him out to eat, I never bought him a present on Christmas or met his family- we fucked and if he wanted to do something after like make dinner or whatever then fine. But I didn't care. It wasn't important to me." Hell, they never even left Luke's apartment after sex, everything 'extra' they did never went beyond the bedroom or living room.  
"It's important to Stiles though Derek."  
"I know that now. I GET that now." He was almost pleading because he didn't want Erica to think he was just trying to get what he wants without considering Stile's needs. "I get that to Stiles it all looked intimate, like there was love there but it wasn't. It was all convenience and the reason why I denounced that title of a 'relationship'. In basic terms, yeah we had some sort of relationship as two people who had some sort of connection or relation to each other. But if we're talking love and understanding and wanting to be near him or putting him before me then no- we had no relationship. It was meaningless sex, an affair, a-"  
"Convenience. You said." Erica sighed and honestly kind of relived. "That explains why Stiles was happy when he told me that." Derek almost chocked,  
"You just said-!"  
"Oh I was chatting shit. Just to see how you really feel." She squealed when Derek made a playful swipe at her before quickly placing both hands back on the wheel. They shared a small laugh. "You got a lot of work to make up for Derek, Stiles isn't and shouldn't forgive you just yet." She watched the man flinch slightly. "But you are trying, I'll give you that. And as Mad as I am right now...You are a good man Derek. And I hope you do find you way to becoming the man Stiles married once more." She said, she was looking ahead at the road as she spoke, not looking her old friend in the eyes just yet. But she didn't need to. Derek knew it was sincere, as hard as it must have been for the blonde to say those words. And he appreciated that, truly he did.

His phone began to ring and Erica answered it for the man, placing it on speaker.  
"Dad!" Zayd's excited yet alarmed and anxious voice sounded through the phone. Derek pulled the car over quickly.  
"Whats wrong!?" He asked quickly, growing concerned.  
"Papa was arrested!"  
"...Why do you sound so excited about that!?"

Zayd sat annoyed next to his Papa in on a bench just opposite an ice cream truck as opposite him and Stiles sat the whole (well not whole) reason his parents were fighting. Luke happily ate his strawberry ice cream with chocolate syrup before raising a brow at Stiles.  
"Ever told your kid that when the wind changes his face will be stuck like that?" Luke mused, pointing his plastic spoon at Zayd who almost felt like full on growling at the man until his Papa stopped him.  
"I don't tell my kids Bullshit like that." Stiles said, having no patience for this.  
"Sorry, I just thought someone of your age would believe in fairy tales like that."  
"If you wanted to meet me here just for cheap digs at my age then I'm leaving now." Zayd lit up at that, ready to leave. Seriously why were they even here in the first place.  
"Aw don't be like that!" Luke whined, clearly mocking Stiles. "Who do you have to go home to? Derek clearly isn't there right, since you kicked him out and all." Luke smirked as Stiles froze. He whipped around with a glare. "Sit back down Stiles, I said you can ask me anything you want right? Go ahead. Ask away." He took another bite of his ice cream easily as the other man looked conflicted. But his curiosity won out and he sat back down. Besides, Stiles had few bones to pick with this smug little shit anyway.  
"Fine. How long did the relationship last?"  
"You don't know? Has husband dear held out on you? Or you just don't trust him?" Luke took Stiles silence as answer and grinned. "6 months. In fact new years was the mark of of that."  
"Derek didn't know that. He was guessing when this all started when he was telling me a date." Stiles told him, taking sick joy out of the falter in Luke's smile. Clearly the younger man wasn't too happy with that. "Guess he must have forgotten about your little anniversary."  
"Like he did yours? And your birthday, and you children's birthday? Remind where he was for Christmas again?" He gestured to himself smugly. Stiles clenched his fists.  
"Who kissed who first?" He asked, wanting to move on and get his answers.  
"He did. Though I may have...enticed him just a little." Luke winked, his tongue poking out at that moment to get some ice cream at the corner of his lips. Zayd felt like knocking this bastard back when his Papa grabbed his hand.  
"Zayd, son, go place our shopping in the car and wait there. Now." His voice firm leaving no room for argument, the boy reluctantly grabbed their bags and walked off.

"How come you didn't send him off before?" Luke asked curiously.  
"I thought he could handle it. But I don't want my son in Jail because he killed you. You're not worth that."  
"And you're not worth much to Derek evidently." He responded slyly, Stiles keeping a passive look but Luke had a feeling he may have just struck a nerve. "Tell me, how does it feel to be second to your own husband? To know that he'd rather the newer model instead of second rate trash." The younger man sneered easily. He wanted this, to reduce Stiles to tears, get him angry, to get under his skin because Luke had has his husband in so many ways for months. But all he got was a sigh which just pissed him off and aggravated him. "What?" He demanded.  
"I feel sorry for you." Stiles spoke evenly, his rage there but not controlling him. "How DOES it feel to be like trash? To be tossed to side? You should know since my husband has come back to his family, his children, TO ME. You're the piece of shit he's decided he's had enough of, fired, ditched and cut contact with." And Stiles truly believes that, he still doesn't trust Derek completely but the man has been trying so damn hard and staying away from Luke is something he's shown to be committed to. Besides, why else would said asshole be here now to stir up shit? "I can't imagine being as sad as you to go after a married man and still think you mean anything to him that you'll try anything to see him- even sick rape accusations."  
"You think you're better than me!?" Luke yelled, slamming his hands against the wooden table, Stiles looking calmly at the bastard. "He LEFT you in the first place, he came to me because YOU drove him off- you think he loves you just because he feels a little guilty and humiliated after that party? He. Doesn't. Love. You. I mean look between us, there no comparison." He grinned and Stiles realised then and there that maybe it wasn't him who was the insecure one.  
"Did Derek ever tell you what he liked about you?" Stiles was playing dirty, but he didn't owe this smug asshole shit. When Luke just looked at him angry and confused, he continued. "He told me you looked like a muted version of me, he didn't go to you because you had your own appeal! He went to you because you reminded him of me." The brunette saw the other mans facade crumble and stood up slowly to face him properly. "But he's back with me now, the original. And we're not perfect, far from it and that bastard has a lot of making up to do but I will tell you this- I love him. And He loves me more than you'll ever understand or even deserve to feel frankly. Our family is patching up just fine so why don't you go find some other poor soul to take advantage of? I can't imagine having self worth dependent on a man who doesn't love you to acknowledge your existence but like I said, I feel sorry for you."

That seem to be the last straw because the next thing Stiles knew, Luke practically jumped over the table and tackled him to the ground. He doesn't really know what happened next, but he does know he felt damn good when he got a punch right at Luke's nose and heard a crack. The feeling didn't go away even as Stiles and Luke were taken away by the police.  
He's pretty sure Zayd didn't listen to him and came out the car to cheer him on.

"And we have several witnesses to confirm the fight Mr Hale." The officer at the front desk explained to Derek, who rubbed his temple at the thought of the situation. "Plus a video from your son confirming Mr Russo attacking first." Derek turned to his son who was sat on one of the chairs re-watching the video with a bright smile. The older man sighed again. He thanked the officer and signed the necessary papers to allow his husband out of the cell- surprisingly, neither Stiles nor Luke were pressing charges against the other, probably because there's evidence that mean they can't pin the whole thing on the other. He waited by his son and even glanced at the part int he video where Stiles punched him in the face. He very proud honestly watching that, and if he was being really honest...a little turned on.  
"Dad look! Papa gives that idiot an uppercut!"  
"I hope you know you're deleting that the second your Pa gets out." He said, shaking his head as his sons pout. 10 minutes later, an officer came out from the hallway down to the cells and looked at Derek with an exhausted expression and turned to Derek.  
"Sir, we're gonna need you to come with us." He said, the older man getting up to follow the officer (and telling Zayd to sit back down before he follows him). Following the officer down to the cell, he saw Stiles and Luke once again at each others throats in the cell. Seriously, how many fights was Derek going to witness today?  
"You put them both in the same cell?" Derek questioned with his brow raised at the officer who looked bashful and muttered something about both men promising to behave. The two seemed to break up when they heard Derek's voice, Stiles shoving the younger man back.  
"Hey Derek." He greeted slightly out of breath while Derek smiled at him gently. Instantly, his eyes grew dark with anger when he noticed a cut on Stiles face. The second the cell was unlocked and Stiles was allowed out, Derek grabbed him and pulled him forward.   
"What the hell is this!? Did he do that?" The man might get into a fight himself now. Stiles scoffed and pointed behind him.  
"I made his nose bleed, this little scratch is nothing." He reassured. Luke rolled his eyes as he leaned against the bars, winking at Derek despite his bruised up appearance. Stiles bit the inside of his cheek before checking over Derek's shoulder to make sure Zayd wasn't here. Perfect.  
"Stiles...what you doing?" Derek asked, realising Stiles was staring right at him while he was occupied checking Stiles over.  
"Proving a point." He jumped up on the taller man, wrapping his legs around his waist on instinct and had to hold on tighter to the man's shoulder as Derek was in shock at Stiles tongue done his throat to actually get with the programme quick enough. Once he did though, he gripped the brunette's legs to support him while they had the filthiest open mouth kiss in a jail cell. The officer besides them cleared his throat, not wanting to make another arrest of indecent exposure or something.  
Derek was still in shock as he placed his husband back down, too focused on Stiles to notice Luke giving them both a look of absolute disgust. Then the man was surprised again as Stiles slapped him across the face.

"What was that for- Actually wait no..." Derek could figure it out and Stiles grinned, grabbing the man's hand and walking out proudly. Shopping and ass whooping. He's say this was a pretty damn productive day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I woke up to about 20 comments so decided not to make you guys wait. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, leave Kudos and comments as they really motivate me to keep writing!


	40. We Are Made of Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few days after the 'Jail' incident, it is now Stiles turn for a date night.
> 
> Derek has a session with Dr Naeem, who helps Derek in the direction of building trust with Stiles and building a better personal support system.

A week after the whole sordid incident and the two men finally convincing their son to delete the video of said incident, it was now Stiles turn to organise their date night. After a talk with Rani, he decided (reluctantly) against any idea that would imitate any activity that Derek did with Luke because that would be damaging to their progress, at least for now. Rani has also put him in a diet to help with his health as he requested at the time and although Stiles appreciates it, he doesn't think he'll stick to it more than a week or two. Because he knows his place now, at least better than before. After seeing how pathetic Luke was in trying to start shit when Derek cut him out of his life, Stiles is feeling pretty damn confident that Derek has really chosen him. Yes, the younger man still has doubt in his heart and it's not like Derek is going to be invited back to move in anytime soon, but Stiles honestly feels like the parts of this journey involving Luke and his influence on their marriage is finally over. And Stiles couldn't be happier with that. He's still watching what he eats, and is hesitant at times to make enough dessert for himself at dinner- but it's better than before. He doesn't feel like there's anyone he's competing with. Still he does want to get healthier, but all in due time because right now, Derek isn't going anywhere and Stiles feels good about himself.  
Rani also pointed out that in terms of fixing their marriage beyond the cheating, Stiles would need Derek to open up to him, not just the other way around. It was an issue they touched on before. Relationships take work from both parties after all and one thing Derek brought up a few times was how he was alone during the Lily situation- Stiles needed to show that he can handle Derek telling him difficult things and give support back when Derek gave it to him. So Stiles would plan a date to show his stupid husband that he doesn't need to keep his feelings to himself. And he had the perfect plan for it!

Except he didn't as the man came to realise. Every date plan he landed on just didn't sound good enough and he ended up scrapping it.  
"Shit..." Stiles sighed out, looking at some ideas on pintrest as Zayd was sat next to him on his phone, Lily and Netta watching some kids show on TV while sat on the floor. Zayd looked up at his father curiously. The brunette ran a hand through his hair.  
"What's wrong Pa?" The teen boy asked, looking up from his phone at his Papa's distressed face.  
"What does your dad even like?" He whined, completely clueless. Zayd tilted his head confused. "I mean obviously I know- but where's somewhere he'd like to go?"  
"Why don't you just cook for him? Dad likes it when you cook." He suggested, not wanting Papa to think too much and spoil the other man when Stiles was the one who should be spoiled.  
"Too easy. And I can't, doctors orders." He said vaguely, moving on before his son questioned him further. "He's used to be a real gym head, he likes heights too...Maybe mountain climbing?"  
"Pa, when we went rock climbing 2 years ago, you ended up getting 5 feet off the ground before screaming to get off."  
"Hey! It looked higher in the moment okay! I panicked..." Stiles pouted. Okay, so rock climbing was definitely off the market. This really shouldn't be this hard! Jesus did Derek put this much thought into their date night even or was the bowling thing just a fluke? He did enjoy it though...and it remind him of a few good times with his dad and friends. Was there any place Derek had good memories with? Stiles knows the man isn't close with his family (he remembers the vague explanations Derek would give), but he does remember one man his husband mentioned now and then back when they were dating. "I got it!" He grinned, typing away at his laptop while Zayd looked over his shoulder. If anything the boy was more confused than before at his Papa strange choice for a date.

"So Derek, what have you learnt from that experience?" Rani grinned, amused at the man's red face, bright and clear even on the camera.  
"That my husband can handle more than he looks like he can..." Derek muttered shyly. They were actually having a good session so far, it was lighthearted and right now Derek had just finished telling Rani about the whole fight with Stiles and Luke and how it...'affected' him.  
"And...?"  
"Please don't make me say it." He pouted and the women laughed gently and relented with a nod to ignore the fact that the video of Stiles beating up his ex mistress was arousing to the man.  
"Now, moving on. Are you prepared for your date with Stiles tomorrow?"  
"I mean, I'm excited." He was always excited anytime he got to spend with his husband alone, to have to chance to re-establish their connection. "We're going in the morning somewhere, I don't know he didn't text me the details. Just said he's pick me up at 9."  
"That's good. I hope you enjoy yourself." She leaned back in her chair, tugging a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "How do you judge your relationship right now?"  
"A B+ I guess? I guess it's still uncertain. I have hope though! As little as it may be..." Rani nodded her head as she listened to the man. "Every time we talk, we make progress sure. And I do love Stiles, but sometimes I feel like we had better communication before all this? I don't know how to explain it."  
"It's alright." She assured him. "Why do you think that do you think?"  
"It's sounds dumb."  
"No it won't." Rani had an idea where the man was going but if he was close to a break through then she wanted him to reach that conclusion.  
"We...I..." He sighed gently. "Stiles and I never really argued in our relationship. We had one vague fight about him going to college single and that's it. Every other minor one, we'd get mad, spend some time apart- usually a few hours - and then all was forgiven. It was a system I was used to, get into a fight and run until it gets better and it worked for us. It was good. But when it comes to this..what I did and what happened with Lily, the system didn't work anymore. I couldn't go to work and come home and it all over and done. Now the problems has to be acknowledge and the old me...the petty and selfish one, hates it. Because it feels like we're prolonging the process or making things worse every time we talk about our issues instead of ignoring them and waiting for them to go away. But I still..."  
"You still what Derek?" She said, after the man was quiet for awhile.  
"I wouldn't want to go back to that. What we're doing now, addressing things that are hard and make me hate myself- I want to continue it because in the end...it's helping. I don't want to go back to how we are even if right now it's difficult for me to see an end positive result."  
"That was very astute Derek." Rani commented, impressed with a kind smile. "You're not the only one. Most couples when working through a difficult situation would rate their relationship prior to acknowledging their problems higher than now. This is simply because when problems are not addressed and are believed to not exist, then it is much easier to look at your relationship through rose tinted glasses. When you start working through those problems and they become real and difficult to deny, most couples would say that they preferred how things were before. Not because it was 'better' before, what they mean to say is that it was 'EASY' before. Trust me, you're not alone in that." Many couples these days refuse to acknowledge problems before they get married and soon divorce without either party realising or looking for a solution. Derek visibly relaxed at that.  
"So it's not wrong for me to give my relationship a low score?"  
"Not at all. You're being honest if anything. Maybe deluded if you gave a higher score than that." She giggled a little as the man looked relived that he didn't make some terrible mistake. "But regarding said issues in your relationship, we've talked a few times about why what happened, happened. What let up to it and what not." The woman waited for him to nod his confirmation before she continued. "So what I want to ask, have you given any thought to building a support system?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"Well we've talked about how during the hardship with Lily, Stiles did have people around him or at least ones he could call up. His friends, his father, and I understand recently he now has work associates too. So who do you have? Exclusively for you to depend on I mean."  
"I have Boyd." Derek shrugged, he supposed his friendship with Erica was on the mend but even then she would always side with Stiles over him. "Other than that no. I was never the social butterfly or anything, even at work I never went out for drinks or anything after with work people. Just went home." People respected him at work, and he's gotten good luck emails and such since he quit his job but there was no one there he really connected with. Luke well...he was just an intern. They're relationship was circumstantial and ultimately unfortunate.  
"So all you really have is Stiles." Rani concluded, to which the man stiffened. "That's what I want you to focus on when you go on your date tomorrow. You're doing well listening to Stiles and answering him Derek, but if you want him to really trust in you then you have to learn from your mistakes and not keep things from him. Understood?"  
"Yes ma'am..." He sighed but was determined to try at least. Stiles used to try and pry into Derek's life back in the early days of their relationship, always the talker between the two of them after all. However, Derek didn't like to talk about his past or too deeply about anything and eventually Stiles let it go. All the man knows is that after some fight about his sexuality, Derek and his family do not talk at all.  
Maybe he can finally tell him why tomorrow. That's a start right?

"Derek your date is here!" Erica called with a grin, being promptly told to fuck off. She giggled and headed back to the kitchen with Boyd and Stiles, her husband giving her an unimpressed look. "Aw come on. I'm just getting in practice for when Saffron is old enough to date."  
"Saffron can date when I'm dead. Even then wait 2 days just to make sure before you even allow a boy near her." Stiles and the blond shared a laugh at the man who gave his clueless young daughter a kiss on the cheek before walking away with her in his arms, taking the girl away from the bad influence of her mother. Stiles smiled at the small scene. Erica and Boyd had been trying for a years to get pregnant, but it just wasn't working. Just as they were about to give up, Erica shared the news 3 years ago how they were expecting- the blonde having to call everyone as her husband was busy crying tears of joy too much to communicate at all.  
He had some idle chatter with Erica when Derek came down the stairs a few minutes later and smiled at Stiles. The pair said by to Erica and Boyd before leaving the house and walking out to the car, Stiles doing the driving for once.

To say Derek was surprised was an understatement. The two men were dressed casually so he knew they weren't going to do anything sports related or fancy, but...a planatarium?  
"Do you not like it?" Stiles asked suddenly, drawing Derek out his thoughts. They were inside near the entrance, with there still being time to turn back. "I got us tickets to the morning show because not a lot of people come in so we could still talk if you wanted but if you really don't like it..." Stiles felt his anxiety grow at maybe choosing wrong. Would Derek run off now? Would he realise that maybe Stiles didn't know him so why the hell stay-  
"No I love it- I was just...You've never shown an interest in this sort of thing."  
"But you have." Stiles said, Derek was the one who introduced Zayd to things like museums and spent days with him at the library when their son was younger- it was a common interest between father and son but Derek rarely indulged in it privately. With a smile, Derek followed Stiles in and had their tickets stamped for the 9:30 show and went in.  
They sat down at the front and leaned back at the seat was designed to do so, looking up and waiting for the show to begin. Derek was...well he was excited. He's always wanted to come to a place like this back when he was younger but never found the time. By the time Stiles came along, it had practically slipped his mind.  
Soon the ceiling above them was a lit with stars and began zooming into the earth as the speakers sounded with the man who would 'guide them through space'. They watched silently for awhile when unexpectedly, it was Derek who broke the silence first.  
"What made you want to bring me here?"  
"You don't talk about your family a lot." Stiles spoke softly, matching Derek's quiet volume. "But you when we first met and I asked to meet your family, you told me the only person that might want to meet me is your uncle." He almost stopped when Derek frowned a little but continued quickly. "And you said you two really got along and that he had this telescope you two used to look through on the roof...am I wrong?"  
"No you're right..." The older man sighed out gently. It was one of his pleasant memories about that house. Most of his pleasant memories were with his uncle. He remembered what Dr Naeem told him and sighed before turning towards his husband completely."Do you want to know more?"

"Kid come on." An 18 year old peter smirked down at his nine year old nephew who he had just woken up. Derek yawned and rubbed his small hands against his eyes.  
"Uncle Peter?"  
"Come on! I'm taking you onto the roof!" He pulled the reluctant child out of bed, Derek whining the whole time that they would get in trouble if grandmama or mother caught them. Or even his dad (to which Peter would scoff at). The young boy climbed up into the attic and was helped through the window by his uncle, holding the boy up until he balanced right on the roof tiles. They didn't have a very steep roof thankfully but just for safety, Peter made sure Derek sat down close by the window in case it got too much for him. He noticed a long device next to the man and pointed, asking what it was. Peter grinned and adjusted the stand of the device to bring it down to Derek's level.  
"It's a telescope I bought. Ya know to spy girls-"  
"Uncle Peter!"  
"I'm kidding!" Mostly, but he wasn't about to tell the kid that. He reached over and ruffled Derek's hair before letting him look through the telescope. "I bought it to show you this." Peter said gently, the dark haired boy gasping slightly at the sight before him.  
There, more clearer than he's ever scene before was Jupiter. And right behind it was a glimpse of the ring of Saturn. The young boy saw stars as well, more beautiful than he ever imagined.  
"That's so-"  
"Awesome! I know right?" Peter laughed, glad to see his nephew so excited. The kid could use some cheering up, especially after the afternoon he's had. He came back from school and told his parents he got 8 out of 10 on a spelling test and his parents completely ripped into him. Peter felt sorry for the quirt when none of his siblings cared about how he was so quiet at dinner. The kid was nine for fuck sakes, it was a spelling test! Not an exam to become president! Peter pulled out a smoke to occupy himself while Derek looked on in amazement. The older man wasn't that bothered to watch the universe as this kid was. "Hey Derek?"  
"Yeah?" The boy asked, sitting back from the telescope and watching his uncle.  
"Look up for me would you? Just at our sky, not through the lens." Peter instructed, Derek looking up at the night sky, littered with the same stars he saw up close just moments ago- looking small and far away now. "Amazing right?"  
"Totally!" The boy grinned. Peter took a pull on his cigarette, before letting out some smoke into the night air.  
"Our Family...they think they're so special. Just because we live in a big ass house and some old hag is the head of it- some shit version of a mafia." Peter chuckled, Derek tilting his head at him confused. "But they always seem to forget, all of us, every single one of us are under the same damn sky. On the same planet that's no where near as big as Jupiter." He said almost sardonically. Glancing at his nephew, he laughed gently and shook his head. "You have no idea what I'm talking about Derek but you will. You and I...we're different from the rest of them."  
"We're not special?" Derek asked gently, not because he was disappointed with being different from his family, sometimes the boy wished he was just average. He was just trying to make sense of what his uncle was trying to say.  
"No we are. Just special in the sense that we see things that this house doesn't." He looked down and bit his lip before looking back up at the night sky, a silent night as he sat with his young nephew on this cold night- were Peter would still rather be than inside. "Sometimes I wish as I was homeless guy."  
"You would be smelly!" the boy gagged, Peter laughing loudly then.  
"You're right. But that would be worth it to sleep directly under this every night. Don't you think?" He had that tone again that confused the little 9 year old. "Derek...Things are gonna be tough in this house. They love to make mountains out of molehills. So sometimes, coming out here and just looking up at the sky, thinking about how big the universe is- it'll give you some perspective, remind you that there's more in life beyond this shitty little house and family with their shit little rules to preserve their bullshit image. Don't forget that okay?"  
And his uncle turned to him with such earnest in his look that the nine year old couldn't help but nod and agree easily, even if he didn't understand what the man meant at the time.

"Wow...he sounds pretty cool." Stiles commented, his head turned as he watched his husband who's gaze was focused on the ceiling projection as he nodded, a solemn look on his face. Stiles bit his lip and dared asked what happened to this man who his husband cherished. The next few minutes, Stiles couldn't believe what he was hearing as Derek told him the tale of his uncle being arrested on false rape claims from Derek's own father, orchestrated by the family head. "Derek...that's terrible." He commented. "Where is he now do you think?"  
"Dead." Derek breathed out, swallowing hard. He would like to think his strong rebellious uncle somehow found a life for himself. But the man was abandoned by the love of his life when the claims were made public, the family exiled him and he knows his uncle was broke since 'Hales do not work minimum wage' so there's no way the man had any money saved up. Peter just sort of disappeared. "I'm surprised your dad never told you after we started dating. He told me about the verdict."  
"He was still a sheriff before he was my dad. Maybe confidentiality or something. Probably thought it was a family issue for you."  
"Add to my list of issues(!)" Derek laughed humorlessly. Stiles frowned a little, rethinking this whole day. Maybe this wasn't what Derek needed if he was recalling painful memories. Derek reached over to grip Stiles hand, noticing the look on his husband's face. "I'm sorry. I'm ruining a day. I really do appreciate and enjoy you bringing me here Stiles. Honest."  
"Don't apologise." The older man had a lot he needed to say sorry for. But opening up to Stiles was not one of them. "I'm glad you told me about your family after all these years." He said gently, feeling the conversation come to an end. They both turned their head back up to the ceiling to watch the remainder of the programme, their hands still entwined.

"How did you decide on the bowling alley for the first date night by the way?" Stiles asked suddenly out of curiosity as they walked out of the planetarium and headed for the pizza place across the street.  
"Oh did I not tell you that night? When we were just friends and talking to each other, we went to the bowling alley at Beacon Hills."  
"We did?"  
"You got super drunk, confessed you loved me then proceeded to vomit up on my rented bowling shoes. I knew I loved you after that."

Even if that did earn him a smack on the head from an embarrassed Stiles, Derek still counts this was one of his most memorable and best days of his life yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehhhh I'm a bit iffy wit the ending of this one so lemme know what you think. I was rereading the story and honestly missed Peter a little
> 
> Also, again I read another account of cheating and the man who cheated explained that he would give his relationship a B+ because while he was cheating and ignoring probems, he thought the relationship with his wife was great as long as they weren't fighting. After some therapy, they're relationship is rocky but only because he's able to come home and actually talk to her this time instead of making small talk like some stranger.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Leave kudos and comments, they motivate me to write which is why y'all get another chapter 3 days in a row since again I woke up to 20 in my in box. Thanks again for the support guys.


	41. Back to Beacon Hills and Not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since it's summer vacation, Stiles decides to go visit his dad with the kids in beacon hills. Derek and Stiles come to an agreement during counselling.

A few weeks go by and things have been...well good! Stiles doesn't want to jinx it but since Derek told him about their his family, the couple have gradually been getting along better without much tension or hesitation. Sure, the brunette still goes through his husband's phone and email now and then (they agreed 100% transparency after all), but even then Stiles isn't expecting anything to be there. Nothing incriminating at least. The man has noticed a positive change in the kids too as well as the overall atmosphere of their home. Derek had taken up a job with Boyd too ,which he seemed to be enjoying, plus the hours were flexible, setting down Stiles's anxiety of Derek disappearing again to rest. Everything right now was just lighter and good... and Stiles really hoped it lasted this long because for the first time in what seemed like forever, he finally had his husband back.  
And said husband was currently trying to get their youngest to walk.

"Come on Lily...just up and stay-!" Derek tried to encourage, the girl sitting on the floor and laughing at her daddy holding her favourite stuffed wolf above her head in an attempt to get her to walk. Stiles watched from the door way with a small smile. They had gotten Lily to at least stand up for more than half a second which was an achievement in itself. Secretly, Stiles thinks the young girl is messing with them and is just putting off walking to laugh at her foolish fathers with their antics in trying to coax the her. She knows damn well she has her daddy and papa wrapped around her finger, especially Derek.  
"I think she learnt how to walk without us knowing and she just doesn't wanna show us yet." Stiles joked, walking into the living room completely and settling down on the couch, opening up the laptop to set up their video connection to Dr Naeem's office as Derek came and sat by him, Lily's rattle in hand still.  
"That would explain a few things." He responded with a grin before turning his attention to the screen as it connected to Dr Naeem, leaving Lily to play by them on her play mat. Netta and Zayd we're in their rooms and seemed busy too so neither man expected any interruptions the next hour. A few seconds went by and the elderly asian women looked up at the camera with a kind smile.  
"Good morning gentlemen."  
"Good morning Dr." The responded and into the session they began.

"It's good to hear you date nights are going well." The woman praised, watching the couple with a calm gaze. "Have you given any thoughts to the next steps with your progress?" And Stiles knew exactly what the woman was talking about. It was August now after all and given how well things had been going lately, Rani had been asking about the couple the past few sessions about the possibility of Derek moving back in. Which...God Stiles still didn't know what to say. Derek did however.  
"I like being part of the children's lives more, in the environment their comfortable in. And although I know Stiles is fine with me around the house for more than a few hours, I don't want to push it." Derek had also notice this kind of, calm period. But he didn't want to push his luck and bring about a storm right after. Rani listened curiously and hummed.  
"Suppose that makes sense. Do you share the same sympathies Stiles?"  
"I'm...comfortable with where we are right now." He decided after a quick debate in his head. "But to let Derek back into the house, into my space and the the children's, it just doesn't feel right yet." Stiles swallowed a lump in his throat at the tiny sparkle of disappointment he saw in Derek's eyes and Rani's silent nod. "I'm sorry-"  
"Don't apologise." Both Derek and Rani said instantly, the older man blushing a little at the women chuckled at him. "Stiles, you and Derek have both just agreed that in terms of moving in and living with each other once more, is not the right thing right now. Even if it's clear you both are conflicted on that, it's good that you are both on the same page and not expecting different things from each other." She told the man, wanting him to not doubt his feelings on this or apologise for it. Rani is glad Stiles has made progress in his self confidence but he still has some way to go. Which, as she has to remind him, is perfectly fine. Rani resisted a pleased smirk when she sees Derek reach out and hold Stiles had reassuringly and chooses not to point it out. "Now moving on, I think it would be helpful for you two to discuss a summer activity to do together with the kids." Right now, the children have either gone out with Stiles minus Derek or with Derek minus Stiles. They needed that stability of both their parents coming out with them if these men were serious about improving their relationship with their children. She sat back and looked at them expectantly.

Derek thought about what they could do as a family, where they could go. Maybe they would bring some of their friends- Erica and Boyd could come along- the man had been meaning to pay his friends back somehow for all their help the past few months. However, Stiles had other ideas.  
"I want to take my...I mean our kids-" It had been something Stiles and Rani had been working on, moving Stiles back to things like referring to himself as a Stilinski-Hale instead of Stilinski as he had been doing at work and talking about THEIR kids instead of HIS kids. " To see my dad in Beacon Hills. They haven't seen him in person for awhile and Lily has only met him once or twice. I think it could be fun." He told Derek who seemed to go quiet. Stiles guessed he must be hesitant to see his father with everything going on and everything that had happened. "If you're worried about dad I can talk to him about you coming?"  
"It's not that..." Derek sighed, biting his lip. He looked over to Rani who seemed to give her approval. "I...Stiles there's something you should know."  
"What is it?" It was simple enough question but Stiles fists were already clenched and accusations and scenarios filled his head. Rani raised a brow at the subtle change in his demeanour but said nothing.  
"It's nothing bad. At least nothing major..."  
"Don't stall Derek." Dr Naeem warned, not wanting the older man to start making excuses before he sees Stiles reaction to the information. He was doing himself a disservice making it sound worse than it really was. Derek took a deep breath before nodding in understanding.  
"I...A few weeks ago, when I was telling Dr Rani about out date at the planetarium, she let me know the...whereabouts of my Uncle Peter. Who's apparently alive and living in Beacon Hills." He said slowly, watching Stiles face change with every word. From confusion to shock and then back to confusion.  
"B-But how...then have you been searching for him behind my back?" Stiles asked, hurt since he was here thinking they were beyond secrets now. Derek shook his head quickly.  
"It was a private session Stiles. Concerning Derek's family." Rani said, deciding best to step in then. "We've discussed before that just was it will take time for you to trust him, it will take time for Derek to talk to you about personal things that don't involve you or your family. And as hard as it might be to hear, blatantly put: This issues doesn't concern you." She said sternly.  
And Stiles could...understand that. He felt slightly out place now, wondering why bring this up if it didn't concern him? Derek seemed to sense his uneasiness and continued talking.  
"Rani had known about my family stuff from our private first session. She had been finding out where Peter was for me in case I was interested but I never was. She just told me he was alive when I mentioned how I thought he was dead and she let me know he was still in Beacon Hills because I asked. But that's it. I haven't reached out to him, I don't plan on it and haven't even mentioned it or thought about it in weeks because I don't care about that stuff." He didn't want to reach out to the past, all Derek needed was their little family and Stiles. Said man listened intently and just sighed with a nod. Because yeah, that all made sense. So Derek wasn't seeking out his estranged uncle, he wasn't planning some kind of private investigation around it:  
Rani had the information, Derek asked, got his answer and he dropped it. End of.  
"So you don't want to go to Beacon Hills because of Peter potentially being there?"  
"It's one of the reasons, yeah. You can probably figure out the others." Between Stiles Dad and Scott being there, Derek thought it best to keep his distance. "But you clearly want to go see you dad and the kids deserve to see him too. So why don't you take them for a week and when you come back we can take them out together?" He suggested, a happy medium. He could still talk to Stiles and his kids while they were gone and Stiles would get to see John.  
"I...I want you to reach out to Peter though." Stiles said finally after a few moments of silence which shocked Derek. "Derek, I know you cut the rest of your family off. But Peter was the one good thing in your life before me-"  
"But I have you now! I don't need anyone else except our family."  
"And I get that I do!" The brunette said earnestly. "But...that's part of our problems. We either don't rely on each other enough or rely on each other too much. You...you said you couldn't come to me when our problems started. " He watched the man flinch. "And I'm glad, I'm glad that's not the case anymore and we can talk to each other now. But there are gonna be times when I can't come or get to you and I go to Scott first. Or my Dad or Lydia. And you've got Boyd but...no one else. I don't want you running off to someone else just because you feel like you have no one..."  
"I won't!" Derek promised pleadingly.  
"Then help me believe that! Just...reach out to Peter and build that relationship with him so you don't have an excuse to seek someone out! You said yourself he's the only one you felt really cared about you in that family!" Stiles didn't want Derek to think that cheating and running off was the way to deal with a difficult patch in their marriage. That he could go to someone if that person wasn't Stiles. The older man ran a hand through his hair.  
"I can't just show up in Beacon Hills to some man I haven't seen in decades..." He replied, understanding what Stiles wanted him to do but unsure of how to go about it. Stiles bit his lip, unsure himself.  
"How about a compromise?" Rani offered, both men turning to her, almost forgetting the woman was watching them through he screen. "Stiles, you take the children to Beacon Hills to see their grandfather. A nice little summer vacation from all this. Derek, if you want to do this, you can stay home but you will reach out to Peter Hale and invite him to town. Offer to pay for a hotel room-" She doubts even Stiles would want a stranger in his house or that Erica and Boyd would house yet another man in their home. "And let him know that you want to reconnect. When Stiles comes back and Peter returns home, you two will have something to talk about for one thing, and more importantly, you two will have learnt how to keep proper communication with each other through physical distance. Are we in agreement?"  
They shared a look with each other before nodding, agreeing to the plan set up for them.

After working out the details and dates for things, Derek being given Peter's details, the session ended. Stiles sighed and leaned against Derek's shoulder who leaned back against the sofa cushions, draping his arm around the smaller man.  
"Can I trust you...? To be here alone without the kids or me...Will you still be 'here' ?" The brunette asked uneasily. Even if this was about Derek reconnecting with his uncle, Derek could literally do whatever he wanted while they were gone and they could be none the wiser.  
"You can. I hope I can prove that to you." It doesn't matter is Stiles was on another planet and gone for 10 years, Derek wouldn't step out on their marriage again. Never again. "When you get back, I'll have a surprise for you all." He said a kind smile. He feel a bit bad missing what was meant to be a family vacation, but hopefully with all the work they have been and will be doing together, Derek can join them next time when they're all in a better place. Maybe by Christmas? But tht was probably a bit too hopeful.  
"A good surprise right?" Stiles asked, a little scared. Derek held his hand in a gentle grip.  
"A good surprise." He repeated, looking over at their miracle baby who was pouting at the men cuddling on the couch. He shared a laugh with his husband before he rattled the toy he had near him.

Lily Stilinski-Hale had 2 men who loved her very much. They had been talking to some lady on the laptop thingy for ages now and the little girl wanted some attention! That need was soon replaced when her daddy shook her whale rattle and the need became for her to get that toy. So she got up on her wobbly feet like her Daddy had helped her too for the past few days now and waddled over to them shakily before falling onto her face.  
She doesn't know what was so spectacular about falling on your face after a few steps, but her daddy and papa were suddenly squealing and making happy noises before picking her up, twirling her around and cuddling them between her. Seriously what was so special?

All Lily wanted was the damn rattle and was now on the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case it wasn't clear, Lily finally walked at the end. Kinda rushed? Out of nowhere? I don't know, I just wanted to write it in her p.o.v XD
> 
> So let me know what you guys think. Although theres a lot I wanna write, I do plan to finish this fic the next 3 weeks. So either expect a lot of updates or expect less chapters?? I don't know just spitballing guys.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, thanks for all the support. Keep commenting and leaving kudos, they really motivate me.


	42. Stay Up With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles has a more pleasant visit to Beacon Hills and Derek prepares to meet his uncle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter wasn't very actioned filled, much like the last one but Peter will be making his debut next chapter so hope you look forward to that if the last 2 chapters have disappointed you a little.
> 
> Leave comments and let me know guys, what you think, what you wanna see ect. Thank for all the support and as always, kudos and comments motivate me.

It was a busy time in the Stilinski-Hale household, Stiles was running around trying to get the kids ready for the airport. Which was a hard enough task on a regular school morning with Netta being the little Diva that she was, now he had to deal with Lily who finally figured out how her feet worked. It was cute enough at first, Derek would sometimes drop by the daycare and holding his daughters tiny hands helping her walk and balance along. Before the pair knew it, the little girl began walking faster and soon running. Constantly. Everywhere. Like under the table and around the chairs now.  
"Zayd get Lily before she runs into the garden and ruins her clothes!" Stiles yelled to his older son, who bolted for the squealing little girl- it was raining last night and so there was now mud and puddled everywhere. The man sighed, brushing Netta's hair one last time before tying it in little pigtails before going to check over their bags by the door. A few minutes later there was a knock on the door, Derek walking in once his husband opened up.  
"Hey, you ready to go?" The older man asked, since he would be dropping them off to the airport. Stiles was about to respond until Netta ran to her daddy with a screech, Derek catching her easily as the little girl threw herself at the man.  
"Daddy!" She greeted happily with a bright grin. "You're coming with us!?"  
"Not this time princess." He said with a pout to match hers before promising to take everyone out for some family time when they get back. And he would keep that promise is Stiles allowed him, if Derek doesn't mess up one way or another by then. Netta noticed the small droplets of rain against her daddys face and clothes, patting her hand against his hair and gasping turning to Stiles.  
"Papa, it's raining outside!" She declared, running to the window to confirm her suspicions. "My shoes are gonna get wet! And my hair!" She whined in a panic and Derek chuckled as Stiles shook his head, looking up to see Zayd walk in with Lily in his arms who apparently had managed to get out into the garden long enough to get mud on her hands. Clearly these sisters had very different priorities and Stiles didn't know which one he preferred at this moment.  
"How about I run Netta to the car, start packing the bags up with Zayd while you get Lily ready?" Derek offered, a suggestion very much welcome right now.  
"Thanks. Zayd, go help your dad, Netta your hair will be just fine and Lily-" He held his baby as she was handed to him, keeping her at arms length as the girl tried to touch him with her mud hands with a grin. "You're having another shower." That wiped the grin off her face.

"Got everything?" Derek asked as they waited for the flight to be announced. The two men talked on the side while the children ate some sandwiches he bought from the food stores at the airport.  
"Yep. Everything is either in the kids carry on bag or their luggage on the plane. So...yeah everything's good."  
"Good and um...good."  
"Yeah..like I said. It's good..."  
And there was the awkwardness again. To be fair to them, it was getting better but they both knew they were still in uncharted waters.  
"So um...give me a call when you land alright?" Derek cleared his throat.  
"Yeah I will." Stiles bit his lip and hesitated for a moment. "And you- make sure to call when Peter lands too." Derek had been too nervous to reach out himself, so instead Rani contacted him on Derek's behalf. He would be here tomorrow morning and Stiles knows that as much as Derek was trying to keep it together, he was a wreck.  
"I...Yeah I will." Derek sighed. He was going to keep Stiles updated, he really would. It's what they were working towards after all, talking to each other, not leaving the other out. "Say hi to your dad for me. If he wants to hear it I mean."  
"I'm sure he will." Stiles smiled gently, still not sue what the right way to go about this was. A hug? A kiss on the cheek? Jesus, a handshake? But before the brunette could think too much, Derek just left him with a chaste kiss on the temple before making his way over to the kids. He watched as they all hugged him goodbye and then watched Derek walk off. He was almost too busy watching his husband to notice Lily walking off unsteadily after him.  
"No no baby." Stiles grinned, picking up the child who whined loudly. He carried her to the large window to face all the planes outside, successfully distracting her with the large vessels she had never seen before.

A few hours later, Lily thankfully not being a baby that causes terror on planes, Zayd sticking his earphones in and just listening to music the whole time and Netta just enjoying the movies available, they finally landed in Beacon Hills Airport. John was waiting for the family, the old man being tackled down by the two eldest before holding a sleeping Lily in his arms for a few moments. The family then drove back to the house and the retired Sheriff ordered them all take away so his son didn't have to cook after a long flight. They enjoyed small talk for awhile, the kids eagerly telling their grandfather about school and their friends, thanking him for the presents this year, then finally settled down in front of the TV while John and Stiles enjoyed a drink in the kitchen.  
"Thanks for having us dad."  
"Oh shut it. I mean it when I say you can drop by anytime. No one else does." He chuckled, Stiles smiling gently. He wasn't worried, the whoel neighbourhood cared about his dad, Scott came by every other weekend and even the deputies John mentored come by too. He was glad his dad wasn't totally alone. "So enough dancing around it- How are things going on with you and Derek?" The old man almost laughed at how fast his son pouted. He might be on vacation and John might have left Stiles to deal with all this himself but that doesn't meant the man wasn't interested.  
"I don't know." Stiles shrugged casually. "Well not 'I don't know' in a bad way like a few months ago, like I don't know what I'm gonna do with myself and all this other bullshit. More like...things are going good and I don't want to jinx it so 'I don't know' we'll see." He smiled a little to himself. John nodded back, accepting that answer.  
"And you?" John asked gently. "How are you feeling about everything? Lily, yourself and what happened."  
"I'm alright dad." Stiles said with a small sigh. "Dr Naeems really helped. I've spoken to this one lady in the support group who set me up with and she's helping we come to terms with my depression...It's all going alright." Stiles saw his dads hand tighten around his glass, the older man eventually pushing it away. "Dad-"  
"I don't like what happened Stiles. You didn't cope with your grief right, you or Derek. But...I'm at least glad you didn't handle it like me. You did better in that sense." Unlike John, Stiles had more clear sense than to drown himself in alcohol when he had kids to take care of- and why wouldn't he? When Claudia died, John didn't even go to work, he just sat in his room with bottle after bottle of jack, not even bothering with shot glasses. Hell, if Melissa didn't come over with food he's sure his son would have starved. It wasn't until he got his ass kicked enough by Ms McCall did he finally reach out to Stiles and start trying to act like a father. But the kid must have felt so alone while his father was being a wreck.  
"Dad..." Stiles sighed and sat besides the man. "You need to stop beating yourself up. I mean...I turned out fine right?"  
"No thanks to me."  
"Yes thanks to you- Dad!"  
"Stiles!" John shook his head. They have this conversation every now and then, and with all the therapy Stiles has been having, he's starting to see some similarities in how he talks to his dad and how everyone has been trying to talk to him about his guilt with Lily. "You're too kind son. God knows your mothers is the reason you're a goddamn one in a million."  
"Your old age is getting to you old man." Stiles laughed almost sadly, leaning his head against his hand as he watched John. "I'm serious dad...You did your best, better than most would have done in your situation. We can only do what we can right?" He said, holding his dads abandoned glass back to the man. John glanced at the shot glass before sighing and taking it, tapping it against his sons and downing it easily.

"So, I hear you beat up Derek's little side piece-"  
"How do you know that!?" Stiles asked, John laughing out loudly.  
"Zayd sent me the video asking me to save it since you and Derek made him delete it." John grinned, Stiles cursing his smartass son. "How did feel? Looked like you did a number on him."  
"It was good, I won't lie." Stiles chuckled, clearly having fond memories of that day. "Kinda overpowers OTHER memory I have of that bastard." He frowned slightly then, looking down at his empty shot glass. John observed his son carefully. "It's just...the whole time we were talking before we fought, he was rude and smarmy and smug just...an ass. And I couldn't help but think if this is the type of guy Derek cheated on me with...how terrible must I be?"  
"Stiles-"  
"I know I know...But it's a thought you know?" He sighed gently. "That kid said some stuff about how I mistreated Derek and how I didn't listen to him. Do you thin Derek complained about me to him? About our marriage?"  
"It's possible." John shrugged. "You used to call me up and complain about him." he grinned at the unimpressed look Stiles gave. "Not a competition of course, I'm just saying. That's why hes meeting with Peter isn't it? So next time you two butt heads he isn't going to run off to a stranger about his problems."  
"Yeah I know it's just..." Stiles sighed. He knows hes dragged Derek's name through the mud last year to anyone who would listen, but it never occurred to him that Derek might be doing the same but to a complete stranger they didn't know. Well Stiles didn't know, Derek clearly got to know him. "Maybe I should talk to Derek about this."  
"You should." His dad agreed with a firm nod. "With everything else you two have hashed out, this conversation shouldn't be that difficult." He said before pausing.  
"Stiles...be honest with me son. Something like this, you'll never forget or truly get over. I know more than anyone. But....Do you think you could forgive Derek? Right now do you see a future with him and your kids; at Zayd graduation, Nettas dance recitals, standing together at Lilys wedding- can you see yourself having those moment with him as husbands not just parents?" At that, Stiles froze up. John wondered if he went to far but all he did surprisingly a few moments later is smiled kindly at his dad.  
"Like I said, its a 'good' I don't know."

Derek helped Boyd clean up the workshop, having just finished a new clock with the man. Tomorrow his friend would take it into town so a man he knew could fix up the mechanics inside. Derek looked up at Boyd handed him an envelope.  
"What's this?" Derek asked confused.  
"Your first paycheck." Boyd responded, shoving it into Derek's hand before the man could refuse. "It's not a hand out, its a paycheck from your new boss and partner. So take it and shut up." The dark skinned man replied with a scoff, wiping his hands. Derek smiled and just thanked the man then got back to work. "So you exited about your uncle coming to town?"  
"Yes and no." Derek responded uneasily, popping open a soda from the mini fridge and handing one to Boyd.  
"How come? He's the only family member you liked and got along with isn't he?"  
"Of course. If there was anyone I would have trusted to have my back when Stiles and I first got together it would have been him. Hell I would want him part of my life now." Derek leaned back against a cleared worktop. "But he got out. Not in the way anyone should have been cast aside from in their family-" Arrest for false rape accusations certainly wasn't the way to go. " But he still got out. And I'm glad to know he's alive. And I hope he's doing well. I just...I don't want to drag him back to a life he escaped."  
"You're out too Derek." Boyd reminded. "And he agreed to come right. Not for your mom or dad or the rest of your family, for you. He wants to know you and how you've grown just as much as you miss him and want to get to know him. There's nothing to be afraid of."  
"Things to be ashamed of." The man laughed humorlessly. " First time I see him in years and what do I have to show? A beautiful man and three children I ruined, A job I didn't even like I stayed at for years only to again fuck it up and either pay up or get fired, kicked out my home and burdening my friends-"  
"You tell him the full story instead of your pity party. You fucked up your husband and children and are now taking steps to better yourself and make things better, you stayed in a job you hated longer than planned because it made sure said family was financially stable for years to come, you got your karma for said fucked up actions and lost the job you hate, now working for your friend who had your back- not burdening." Boyd corrected sternly. "You're selling all your efforts short man. What happened happened, but now you're here. And honestly? I think everything's made you a better man for it."  
"Better is I became this better man without doing what I did."  
"Maybe. But can't focus on what if and could have been now." He said, nudging the man's shoulder. Derek smiled slightly, hoping that tomorrow, he really wouldn't disappoint his uncle with the self inflicted shit storm his life has become. "I'm gonna go check on Saffron, almost her bed time. You could just to wipe down the clock one last time and cover it up?"  
"Sure thing man." Derek patted Boyd on the back and watched him walk off then got to wiping down the big old grandfather clock. 

A few minutes later his phone rang out. Derek answered it, expecting it to be Stiles.  
"Hello?"  
"When you were with that whore did you complain about me!?" Stiles slurred into the phone and Derek raised a brow. Was he drunk?  
"Stiles are you drunk?"  
"Don't you change the subject mister-!" He scolded the older man. "And I am not drunk, I buzzed. The kiddies were tired and fell asleep a little after we got here. So me and my old man just sharing a few shots and I was reminded that you suck!"  
"Of course you were..." Derek sighed out fondly, sitting back against the worktop. "Well...to answer your question, no I did not complain about you to him. Why? Did he try and talk to you again?"  
"We only talked once and you've seen how that went! My Daddy-O has the video evidence!" Stiles grumbled out annoyed. "But your ex boyfriend was telling me how you didn't like that I didn't listen, that I didn't love you and didn't see that you were sad! So you must have told him all that!" He felt his heart drop a little when Derek cussed in a low grunt into the phone. "So it's true...?"  
"No Stiles. It's not true." Derek was just annoyed that Luke had the time to talk so much shit. "He knew I was married and just kind of figured out the reasons. I'd make a comment about how I didn't want to go home yet and he filled the blanks like that. I never told him about the problems we had with Lily, us or anything." As bad as it sounded, the whole thing with Luke was his escape, he didn't want to talk about his problems when he was with the kid.  
"Oh..." Stiles sounded slightly disappointed, because he was. He got buzzed and all fired up just for this conversation. "Okay..."  
"Your dad there?" Derek asked concerned, not wanting Stiles too be alone if he was sad and drunk.  
"He's inside cleaning up a little. I'm in the garden." He replied, still clearly tipsy but sounded just a little bit sober.  
"Want me to stay on the line with you?"  
"....Yes." Derek placed his husband on speaker and continued with the clock. They talked idly, about anything that came to Stiles mind. Derek was reminded about the time Stiles missed Derek while in high school and so ate his lunch in the school toilets or some empty classroom so he could talk to man in peace. It was nice but it always made Derek wonder how lonely his husband was growing up. How lonely he is feeling right now.  
"Derreeeek!" Stiles whined suddenly, bringing Derek out his thoughts. "Are you ignoring me?"  
"No, I'm not. Did you ask me something though?" Derek asked.  
"Yeah! Why didn't you invite me to your indoor movie night with the kids?" He asked, and Derek chuckled as he could practically envision Stile's pout.  
"You wanted to go out with Lydia that night remember?"  
"Oh yeah..." Stiles sounded like a lost child. "You still could've kissed me that night."  
"I wanted to." Derek smiled a little, happy Stiles remembered. "But it wouldn't have been right. You know that."  
"Stop talking sense...You suck remember?" He whined  
"Yeah I know."  
"But I suck too...we can suck together right?" The older man's heart broke slightly as he heard how pleadingly that sounded. "You love me more than Luke right?"  
"I love you more than anyone Stiles." Save for their kids but that was a given. "Maybe it's time to end this call now. You need some sleep."  
"I'm not tired though!" The younger man cried out like a child, Derek laughing at his voice. "Take me to bed then...or talk me to bed!" He could hear movement and doors closed, Derek guessing Stiles really was headed to bed with his phone in hand. He heard the man yawn and the noise of duets being moved. "You can't hang up until I fall asleep!"  
"I won't. I promise." He said gently, changing the subject into the children. It when on like that for a good hour, Derek having finished the clock way before then and just focusing his attention on the phone. Boyd had come in but saw he was talking to Stiles and walked back out, gesturing towards the kitchen for when Derek was done. Soon after Derek asked again Zayd, he realised that Stiles had fallen asleep, his snoring coming through the speakers. The older man chuckled, said I love you even if no one was around to hear it and hung up the call. Hoping his husband was more at peace.

Boyd was cleaning up some of the dished left from dinner when Derek placed 2 white envelope next to him, having apparently finished his call with Stiles.  
"What's this?" Boyd asked, drying his hand and opening up the envelope.  
"$50,000 dollars in each, 100 thousand altogether." Derek said blatantly, Boyd almost choking at the amount and starring wide eyed at his friend.

"I have a project I want to hire you and us for. You in?"


	43. Things Have a Way of Working Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek and Peter finally meet and Peter tells Derek about what happened to him.

Derek sat at the cafe of the airport patiently, a coffee in hand in an attempt to stop trembling and a soft pretzel on the small plate in front of him. Peters flight should have landed so now all the man had to do was wait while he went through security and everything. Derek was a nervous wreck last night, he couldn't sleep and just ended up workout through the night, doing some pull ups and push ups, a few cardio and core programmes, anything to keep him moving.  
But that just made sitting here worse because now he was nervous and sore, even if he does feel lighter. God, would he even recognise Peter? Would Peter recognise him? Derek didn't exactly look like either his mother or father just...him. He just looked like Derek which the man was grateful for, easier to distance himself from all that mess. He remembers his uncle being quite the looker in his high school, how would he look now? Would he still act like his Uncle Peter or was he completely changed- Derek can't imagine you would just go through life as normal after what happened to the man. Lost in his anxiousness and concerns, Derek doesn't even notice a tall and muscular figure stop besides just in front of him until he hears the thud of a heavy leather duffel bag hit the floor. He looked up in shock at a slightly man older than him, grey on his goatee beard and sparks of grey around his well groomed hair. He looked quite good for a man in his 50s.  
"Derek?" The man said hesitantly, his voice deeper and smoother than Derek expected who was starring at the man completely dumb-struck. "I...I'm Peter Hale. Some lady contacted me asking me to meet-"  
Derek doesn't know what possessed him right then; gratitude to Rani who wasn't even here? Overwhelming sense of relief that Peter was actually alive and here? Happiness that this wasn't some joke or fluke? Whatever it was, Derek just grabbed onto the new man, hugging tightly. He didn't want to let go and luckily it seemed Peter shared the same sentiment as he hugged back, honestly surprised that his man before him was his little nephew from so many years ago. The two grown men stayed like that for awhile until Peter stepped back, sniffling and resisted the urge to cry tears of joy and a smiled.  
"It...It's great to see you Peter..." Derek finally spoke.  
"You too kid...well man." He laughed gently, taking a look at his nephew before him. "Definitely no kid anymore." He commented, taking a seat as Derek sat down too. They called a waitress over and asked Peter placed an order for some food, it was a long flight after all.

They talked idly for awhile. Small talk but surprisingly, it wasn't awkward or strange. Sure they weren't as they were when Derek was kid, but only because of the many years they spent apart. They just needed to find their rhythm again and that didn't really take long. Derek told Peter about their family, how he cut them off and the man was proud his nephew escaped their toxic family. He told Peter about Stiles who as expected of the man made some dirty jokes and teased Derek with the excuse that he didn't get to do it before and honestly that shouldn't have made the younger hale laugh as much as it did. But this was his uncle, he was just happy that the man hadn't seemed to have changed much. The older man was surprised when to find out Stiles was John Stilinski's son, the deputy at the time who had arrested him, but he just brushed it off and added it to jokes about handcuffs in bed.  
Peter was currently sipping on some iced tea, Derek letting the man finish before finally asking:  
"What happened to you after you were arrested?" He asked steadily, Peter pursing his lips before setting his glass down. He expected the question, of course he did.  
"I was in police custody for 2 days before John released me saying that I was innocent- obviously. There was no significant evidence, your mother and father had holes in their little story they spun and ultimately it was a case of 'he said she said'. There wasn't enough to convict me and I sure as fuck wasn't going to confess to anything. So they eventually had to let me go." So really it wasn't so much as a case of innocent than it was lack of evidence. "But that kind of shit ruins you. Especially in a small town like Beacon Hills. People don't hear the 'FALSE rape accusations' all they hear is 'rape' and my life was over in that town. The guy I was meant to run off with abandoned me. So I just left."  
"How? You had no money or a job-"  
"I did." Peter shrugged slightly. "An unofficial job. You know that family didn't allow us to take up minimum wage jobs but I work unofficially though high school. Did some gardening for old ladies there, walked a dog here, help paint a mural at the church- stuff like that. Some of it was volunteering and ended in payment cause I did a good job." The man ran a hand down his face, looking exhausted beyond his years in that moment. "Obviously that wasn't enough. even though I saved some money for year, doing jobs like that in secret from the family only saved me enough for a few nights at a shit motel out of town. But that was enough to be honest, all I needed back then because my one focus was to get out of that town and never look back. So I emptied my bank account and never looked back."

And that began Peters almost 5 year long struggle. He managed to live of his money for a good month, leaving town with nothing but the clothes he was arrested in and his phone that was taken from him then given back when he left. He spent some money on a charger then split the rest up enough for one good nights sleep a week in a cheap enough motel if he found on. The rest of the week, he would be sleeping rough. Sure, the man almost got robbed a few times, groped, even almost stabbed. But every day he got up from whatever bridge or dumpster he was sleeping by and continued onto the whole day. He stopped for a bottle of water and one candy bar every 2 days but kept on going like that until his designated day to stop in a motel room and sleep well. Sure sometimes the water was cold in the shower, one time he woke up with cockroaches near his head on the pillow but for that one night he was safe in a locked room. Peter is man enough to admit that he cried those nights, he cried hard and long and if it wasn't for his exhaustion that got him to sleep in the end then he probably would have wasted his money by crying the whole night.  
The day he ran out of money was a scary day for Peter indeed. He had lost track and when he checked into a motel, he found he had no money left and broke down crying. The women behind the desk took pity on him and offered the cheapest room for one night which he graciously accepted. However, the man knew not everyone would be as accommodating as her and he would desperately need to figure something out. What he decided to do was just keep going. He wasn't going to call up anyone (who would answer?) or turn back. He just had to keep going forward. He doesn't even know how long it had been or even what town he was in, Peter just knew that things got worse.  
He thinks he travelled for a year like that, penniless and homeless. Only getting a warm bed once in a blue moon when a motel owner would pity him or the homeless shelters were full. One night while sleeping outside the dumpster of a diner, lucky enough to get some freshly thrown out scraps still good enough to eat, Peter was awoken my some assholes just looking to cause some trouble. He was so weak by this point, barely skin and bones and sleep deprived. So he just let them. They beat him senseless that nigh, blooded all black and blue, even broke his phone that was already dead from weeks with nowhere to charge it. Peter thinks it was Christmas around this time, he doesn't really know. The night was always cold for him and the snow made no difference. All the man knew is that at that moment, he just wanted to die so badly. For someone to end his suffering. He remembers painfully looking up at the night sky for a good moment before closing his eyes ready for death, wanting the last thing he would see before he died was a sky full of stars.

He has a dream then, a final one before he accepts his fate he supposed. It was more like a memory. Derek and Peter on the roof, watching the stars with his telescope. Peter thinks he said something to Derek along the lines of wishing he was homeless sometimes, away from this family and just sleeping under te stars every night. God was he naive. But 18 year old him was't so much of an idiot as he was a dreamer. Because even if being homeless wasn't the adventure he had planned, he would take dying under these stars than another day in that house full of fucking liars and assholes.

Fortunately though, he didn't die. No, instead Peter woke up covered in snow. He was in so much fucking pain and everything still hurt like shit but for some reason he was breathing still breathing. He had to laugh a little at that, some cruel joke someone was playing to prolong his suffering and sadness. Peter would have a bone to pick with whichever asshole had that idea in the heavenly office. He walked on aimlessly then, dragging his feet through the snow until he stopped at some building. It was definitely Christmas, the streets were empty of people and filled with corny decorations and lights. Yet here was this tiny bookcase store still open with some Christmas lights around the door. He wanted somewhere warm and quiet just for a few hours so he sighed heavily and pushed the door open gently.  
Inside the mans nose was assaulted with scents of gingerbread and chestnut and all the usual christmassy bullshit. A clean shaven man stood behind the counter and Peter was prepared for a look of disgust at his appearance, he was definitely sporting the typical bearded hobo off the street look plus some bruises and dried blood. What he got instead was a bright and warm smile from the man.  
"Welcome to Issa's Castle, as you can see though we are more of a bookstore!" He greeted cheerfully, holding his hand out, again surprising Peter since he was used to people crossing the street to get away from him. The man opposite the counter placed his hand down when it was obvious Peter wasn't going to shake his hand but that didn't seem to dampen his spirits. "My names Alex! Have a look around at what books you like, there's a seating area near the back if you want. Oh! And Merry Christmas!" He said, even though Peter was already walking toward the back, grabbing some random book on the way so it looked like he really was there to read. 'The Travelling Cat Chronicles' was the book he picked up, so deciding he wouldn't be so rude as to just sleep in the comfy arm chair, Peter just decided to read the stupid thing. Anything that would make 'Alex' let him stay in this warm place for a few hours. He'd get kicked out of markets just for taking a step in on the off days he found enough quarters and just wanted to buy something quick to eat. it was a goddamn Christmas miracle that he was even allowed in here in the first place.  
An hour or so passed and Alex had some customers come in through out, some giving him a side look when they passed him as they went by the shelves but no one gave him any grievances. Soon, it was the late afternoon and Peter felt he overstayed his welcome, deciding that maybe he should leave and start looking for place to sleep for the night before all the good spots were taken.  
He was taken out of his thoughts and his mouth began watering as the smell of fresh hot chocolate and gingerbread his his nose stronger now. Yep, definitely time to go. Shutting the book, Peter got up only to stop as he spotted a young boy holding a tray with a plate of gingerbread men and hot chocolate on it. Peter figured maybe the kid wanted to sit down and so took a step back to show him the seat was free.  
Then the boy took a step forward to Peter and now the man was confused.  
"He's offering you some food." Alex smiled, suddenly coming up from behind the boy who looked up at Peter shyly. "We make snacks for our guest and well, gingerbread men and coco seemed appropriate for this time of year." Alex explained easily, ruffling the boys hair who unlike the man didn't seem like much of a talker. "So...would you care to join us stranger?" And then Peter doesn't know what happens, he just remembers that that Christmas he spent the evening (way past closing time of the bookstore) with a man named Alex and his 5 year old adopted son Issa who was apparently mute. Peter didn't talk much though, mostly grunted as he was too busy eating. He thinks he looked like a starved pig stuffing his face but Alex didn't seem to mind. When he was full, Peter got up to leave, Alex following him to the door.

"We're open tomorrow as well." He offered kindly. "I noticed you like that book too, I have plenty of others you may be interested in that follow the same theme." The redhead noticed the hesitant look on Peters scruffy face. "I'll have snacks tomorrow too." He chuckled slightly as that seemed to do it and Peter nodded his agreement to come the following day.  
And that kind of began the next part of Peters journey. From Christmas everyday from then, Peter would show up by the bookstore from where ever he was sleeping and spend the afternoon with Alex and Issa. Issa never said much but he was clearly comfortable with Peter, often grabbing a book and sitting by the mans legs while he sat in the armchair. Soon he moved to sit on Peters lap. Alex and Peter talked a little more with each visit too. Peter giving him his name by the 5th visit and Alex was so happy he went and bought a chicken pot pie. Peter learned that the two lived above the bookstore in a small apartment big enough for 3, a strange fact Peter found Alex would mention a few times. Before the man knew it, he had stayed in this small town just outside New York longer than he anticipated. He found himself showing up at Alex's store everyday consistently and it became the highlight of his day, not just visiting for the food. Nothing changed for awhile, only Issa going to school so Peter and Alex spent the morning alone together (which the man didn't mind one bit) before the man went to pic the boy up later. Then again they would spend an evening together before Peter left to go sleep on some street corner. Alex hated seeing him g but said nothing except the offer now and then for Peter to at least sleep downstairs in the bookstore but the man always declined. He enjoyed their talks about books and astrology and travelling, even going as far as to plan a silly trip with Issa (that of course would never really happen) but he didn't want to take advantage of this kind man. Ever.

One day Peter didn't show up however. He doesn't know what it was, but he fell incredibly sick and just couldn't move from the park bench he slept on. He was both freezing and boiling at the same time and had thrown up a few times. It was mid summer by now and for months he had been living off one decent meal a day, maybe all that was finally catching up with Peter. For the second time in his life then, he was ready for death. Except this time, he felt that at least he was dying with a few good memories from the recent months. Specifically Alex's smiling face and Issa's warm hugs at his legs.  
Hold on.  
There really was something at his legs.  
Peter blinked up (when did it get dark?) and looked down to find little Issa sat on his legs and hitting at Peters side as hard as he could to wake the man up. Alex then came running, his face as red as his hair as he came to a stop, his arm full of medicine and a bag of food.  
"Oh thank goodness you're alright!" He said, Issa getting down from the man and ran to the food back to bring out a chicken sandwich before shoving it to Peters face frantically.  
"What are you doing here?" He asked the pair, once he swallowed at least one mouthful to appease a panic looking Issa. Alex explained how they got worried when Peter didn't come by the store and so went looking for him. The picked up some supplied and food just in case and it's a good thing they did because the next thing Alex knows, Issa is running across the park having spotted Peter and the redhead did nothing but run after him to find Peter passed out on a park bench looking close to death. Speaking of, Peter really did have a bone to pick with that grim reaper asshole. Kinda shit at his job. Peter sat up on the bench and allowed Alex to feed him some warm soup they bought as Issa snuggled against the man, trying to keep him warm. Peter felt bad for the kids but he was too sick to move right now so they had to at least begin nursing him on the park bench.  
"What happened to your eye?" Alex asked, noticing a fresh new bruise, frowning deeply.  
"Just some idiots looking for some cheap fun. Thought they could rob me but can't rob a man who was nothing to his name." He said easily, adjusting to the fact that this was his life now. The red head next to him glared, blue eyes filled with anger and determination.  
"You're going to live with us now, Peter." He stated as fact, already standing up with their supplies. Peter starred up at him shock about to protest before Alex stopped him. "No, enough! I've watched you come to my store bruised and beaten, sleep and hungry- enough! Just- please Peter, until you're better just...stay with us. We have one bedroom and a sofa bed. I keep telling you we have enough room for 3! You never used it-"  
"I didn't know you were actually offering-"  
"Well here is your clear invitation- No! Demand! To come to my home and stay there AT LEAST until you're better. Please!" Peter sighed and decided that it really would be rude not to accept after that spectacle. Even Issa was blinking up at Peter with sad eyes as if not wanting to leave him here. So with a reluctant nod, he got up and let the man guide him back to Issa's Castle.  
That night, Peter Hale fell asleep in new clothes (the first ones in years),freshly showered and tucked under a blanket. Next to him, despite saying out there was already a bedroom there for them, was Alex with Issa tucked between. Best damn sleep of Peters life.

"This Alex guy sounds amazing..." Derek smiled, happy that the story ended happily. "What happened with him?"  
"He got ambitious." Peter smirked, holding up his right hand to show his wedding ring. Simple and gold, but it was the most precious thing Peter owned. He knew something was growing between them even back then. It took a few years for anything to officially happen thought "I didn't want to just mooch of him if I was living there so I applied to a few minimum wage jobs, started a small teaching apprenticeship and 10 years later I became a Literature Professor." First he became an English TA at a local high school 3 years after Alex made him move in. Peter was getting healthier again, shaved and muscly. At first he wanted to help out at the bookstore when he wasn't working but Alex told him to fuck off and so something better because he could do more than be a part time English TA (that and Alex didn't like his customers eyeing Peter up whenever he was in the store...). It all came ahead when Alex walked into the apartment and Peter had just got back from work. He had come out the shower, his hair a sexy wet mess and Alex climbed him like a tree right then and there. Thank god Issa was at a friends that day because those two got busy-  
"Okay! I get it!" Derek blushed, Peter chuckling slightly.  
"Point is...as hard as it was things worked out some how. Even when Alex took me in, getting back into education and finding a job with just a high school degree was difficult. There were times I tried to leave because I was just an extra mouth Alex had to feed but of course he wouldn't hear it." He chuckled. "Stubborn bastard."  
"He and Stiles would get along." Derek smirked. Not just the stubborn part but they both were incredibly caring and selfless. Alex saved Peter's life and Stiles save Derek's- it just made sense. He hopes they can meet one day. Peter smiled and stood up.  
"Wanna show me where I'm staying then? I hope you didn't spend too much on the hotel room."  
"I feel like spending more after that Story." Derek chuckled, but he thinks an ensuite hotel room for a week would be okay for now.

But after today, Derek was looking forward to getting to know his uncle more now. And sharing his own turmoil with the man when he was ready.  
Only time would tell. Things have a way of working out after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo I had so much writing this chapter you guys don't even know XD. Let me know what you guys think about Peters past and Alex and Issa (also let me know if I named someone else Alex because I think I did but dont really know!) I read alot of cute miracle stories of homeless men marrying the woman that saved them and honestly they were just adorable and heart warming and made you like people again and I think Peter deserves love in this story.  
> Anyone, leave some comment and kudos. Seriously let me know what you think about this chapter, comments motivate me to keep writing. Thanks for all the support guys.


	44. People Forget, Say It More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles visits his mothers grave with the children before attending a bake sale. The New Sheriff decides to introduce himself but does Stiles even care?  
> Peter hears his nephew tell him how his marriage is on the brinks after everything conspiring last year and this year and offers some final advice.

t's a bright morning in Beacon Hills and Stiles is up early with his children to pack up some of his homemade baked goods in his dad's car. Today there was a Bake Sale at the church his mother used to frequently volunteer at and where she was buried. Stiles planned to place some flowers on her grave with the kids before they set up the stall. John also frequented the church during his time as sheriff and now as a retired former sheriff since he was highly regarded in the community. Aside from Claudia, the Stilinski's were never really that spiritual or religious, but the community was always kind to their family especially during the period after Claudia's death so both men saw no problem with attending a few events and what not. Derek definitely wasn't religious, Stiles knew that much- lost his faith a long time ago, but he also used to come with Stiles to these sort of events when he could to support his husband.  
Stiles helped his dad unload the table and baked treats out of his car before leaving the man to set up and check in with the pastor as he led his children to the back by the graveyard, holding little Lily's hand and walking with her slowly. His eldest held some white lilies (his mother's favourite) that they had stopped to get on the way here.  
"Where are we going Papa?" Netta asked as she followed the older man who smiled at her kindly.  
"We're going to see grandma." Stiles' heart burst with pride when Netta cheered, running up to her brother ahead of them and demanding to hold a flower so she could give it to grandma herself. Lily pouted and moved to let go of her Papa's hand so she could chase her sister and join her older brother. Stiles chuckled and just followed his children until they reached Claudia Stilinski's grave. It's been years and although it gets easier and the pain is fainter, it doesn't disappear completely. He cries about her less whenever her anniversary comes now, choosing to just mourn quietly curled up by his husband and children and spend a quiet day inside rather than cooped up in his room in despair as he did when he was younger. Stiles still misses her dearly though and seeing his children sit in front of her grave and place the flowers down gently, talking to her as if she was right in front of them, the man wished she was around to meet her wonderful grandchildren. He could see her being the typical grandmother, the one that would spoil them rotten along with John and always have freshly baked cookies ready for them. Stiles wishes Derek was able to meet her. He did introduce the two in a way when Stiles first brought the man to his mother's grave, asking his mother if she approved. He took the warm breeze that came that day as a sign she did. Maybe he was wrong? Perhaps with everyone against their relationship during that point, he was just desperate for a sign that someone, even if she was dead, supported him.

With everything their small family had been through, Stiles really could use his mother's kind words now. Get some advice and answers, especially since she was in Derek's position with John. Would his mother be proud of him? Ashamed of him? He doesn't know, and honestly doesn't think he wants to. All Stiles knows is that he misses this woman and right now would love just one last hug from her to help him out.  
Stiles wasn't religious, not even spiritual. But every time he thought about his mother, sometimes he wanted to believe. He doesn't know what is, a god, a fairy, a santa clause or some made up saint of his own or his mother herself. He just wants to believe that Claudia Stilinski is watching over him and hopes that she'll help their family out of this one way or another.

John watched as Stiles came back with the children, his son hugging him just a little tighter than normal once he approached his father at the now set up baking stall. The older man held him close and smiled gently once Stiles pulled back. Looking at the table, Stiles scoffed.  
"Dad! You already ate the lemon bars?" He scolded, pointing at the plate with at least 5 bars missing. John rolled his eyes fondly.  
"First of all, I only had 1 and paid for that one! And 2, your baking is already selling son! Look, your brownies an apple pie slices are going too." He gestured to the other trays and plates set up with said baked goods already half empty even though the bake sale had just started. Stiles gave his father a look of suspicion but knew even his father wouldn't be able to eat that much in a few short minutes. The churches own Pastor Wayne stopped by the table with a chuckle at the two Stilinski men.  
"It's true Stiles, your father did not give into temptation. No matter how strong he and I may have felt." He laughed gently, the man placing some money in the jar before going for a slice of shortbread. John looked proudly at his alibi being confirmed and Stiles just swatted the mans arm in jest before walking off to help an old lady who was eyeing the apple pie.  
The bake sale was in full swing withing the hour, the front yard of the church filled with locals of all ages. Even Stiles own children were getting into it; Netta took a plate of smaller samples around, drawing people to her Papa's stall with the smaller treats and her cute little smile. Zayd was attracting attention from the local high school students who were initially dragged to the bake sale begrudgingly by their parents. But they warmed up to Zayd quick both because of his personality and because some of them (boys and girls a like) thought they might have a chance with him and began to flirt or chat the young man up. Stiles made a note to tease him later. He wonders if this is how his son was in school with people, he could easily imagine his brilliant boy in the halls surrounded by admirers of all intentions. The brunette thought back to when Netta was going to her first day in kindergarten and Derek gave her the no boyfriend speech.

"Okay, Netta, what do we do if a boy sits next to you?" Derek said as he drove the car with a 13 year old Zayd in the back and a 5 year old Netta.  
"Bite them!" The little girl cheered as Stiles burst out laughing and Derek looked proudly at his little girl through the mirror.  
"Good girl!"  
"No, Netta, we don't bite or fight other people. Just make friends with them." Stiles corrected, raising a brow at his husband who seemed to be resisting a pout. Soon they pulled up at the kindergarten. They took their daughter in, said hi to the teacher and hugged the little girl before returning to the car, their son patiently waiting to be dropped off to school to with his earphones in as his dad started the car once again.  
"Are you going to be like this when our next daughter is born?" Stiles asked teasingly, placing a hand on his baby bump, the new child due in just a few months now.  
"Of course." Derek stated as a matter of fact. "I just firmly believe that no brat is good enough for my daughters or son. If you can find me someone who is then we'll talk. Until then, Netta can bite whoever she wants. Hard and painful just like I taught her."  
"Oh stop it." Stiles shook his head at his ridiculous husband as they drove along. "Zayd's at the age where he's going to be interested in people. And they're gonna be interested in him. You can't scare them all off. Or punch them on site."  
"That's what you think." Derek scoffed, smirking as Stiles laughed again. He reached a hand over as they stopped at a red light and held Stiles's hand tightly. "I just don't want them to get hurt if things don't go right. Especially with Zayd going into high school next year yeah know? You know how shitty kids are in high school."  
"I think he'll be fine. He has our best qualities, attract the right people and make good friends."  
"All I'm saying is I won't complain if my son decides hes better than them all and wants to wait until college to date. Or waits until I'm dead would be better." He grunted a little as Stiles playfully smacked him on the chest, laughing gently as he moved his hand from the older mans grip.  
"Just drive you overprotective freak."

Stiles sighed fondly at the memory, unknown to him that a few months after, Lily would be born with complications and their whole lives would be turned upside down. He wondered if after everything was said and done, would they be able to have those moment again. The man looked down to Lily who was happily satisfied to play under the table of the stall close to her papa. Stiles smiled at her, his attention only being drawn away from his baby girl when some cleared their throat. He looked up to see a blonde man stood before him with a bright dazzling smile. He seemed older than Stiles and the man would even go as far as to say he recognises him a little... He was certainly wearing the Sheriffs uniform Stiles was familiar with.  
"Hi, I just wanted to buy a 2 blueberry muffins?" The man asked and Stiles happily obliged. As they made the exchange, his father walked over with a wide grin, shaking the strangers hand.  
"Parrish! How have you been?" He greeted, it now clicking in Stiles head that this was the young deputy that worked at his fathers station during Stiles high school days. It was where Stiles would go after all but he's surprised he didn't remember Jordan Parrish that much.  
"Doing good Sir. Thank you." Jordan replied politely, taking the muffins from the old mans son. "And Stiles, I can't believe it's been years."  
"Decades." Stiles answered a little awkwardly. "I'm sorry, I didn't really recognise or remember you at first..."  
"I figured." The man laughed, Stiles blushing in embarrassment. "How have you been though? You got married after high school didn't you?"  
"Yep." He moved his hand strangely after Parrish starred at his finger. No wedding band. The Sheriff nodded his head and tipped his hat.  
"Well, duty calls and all that. It was nice seeing you all." He said, with that walked off. Stiles let out a breath as John smiled at his son, calling Zayd over to take over for awhile while he and Stiles went to have some lemonade and Miss Willis' stand.  
Once there, John poured them both a glass. It was getting hot and a refreshing drink was something they all needed.  
"Jordan came to the position a little while after I retired. Good kid, works hard and has done a damn fine job if I do say so myself." John began, sipping his drink. "You won't remember him much, he appeared at the station as often as he good but has school too." That explains Stiles vague memory of the man. The former sheriff smirked a little. "He remembers you though."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Jordan fancied you a little back then." John said casually, the news making Stiles choke on his drink and hack. His father just continued on. "Didn't do anything about it mind you, wanted to wait until you graduated before he made a move. Then Derek happened and well..." He shrugged as Stiles shook his head once he processed the information.  
"Good thing then." The brunette said. Seriously, he knows how he would have reacted. What did Parrish even like about him back then? They barely talked or interacted in Stiles doesn't even remember the man. John shrugged and gave his son a side glance.  
"You interested?"  
"God no." Seriously, was someone going to try and set him on a date every damn time he came back to Beacon Hills. "I told you dad I-"  
"Yes yes you don't want to date anyone until yours and Derek's issues are settled and what not. I'm just saying. Hes a good candidate for when you are ready. Loyal, dedicated, objectively I would say attractive but I don't know you're type-"  
"My type is Derek." Stiles froze as the words left his mouth before he could even stop them. But...he won't take them back.

After everything that's happened between them from the very beginning of their relationship, Stiles still with all his heart is in love with Derek fucking Hale. And that's no secret he always knew that, it's whats made this whole process hard and every decisions he's made even harder to make. But he's been doing well to at least acknowledged that just because he loved Derek doesn't mean that he should just forgive him or forget what he's done. However, when it comes down to it, could he really live without his husband? He's practically done it for almost a year and that year was fucking hell. He's not delusional, he knows that realistically, Stiles can in fact survive being single, Kira's assured him of that, Dr Naeem has boosted his confidence in himself, he has his friends and family to support him. Everything would be so perfectly set up for him to live independently.  
But he doesn't want that.  
Stiles loves his husband and he wants Derek to be there, to be there supporting their family and go back to how things were. Well, not exactly. Stiles likes his new job, he likes working with Kira and the kids, even Theo since he's dropped all attempts at flirting with Stiles. He likes the lunch dates with Lydia and Jackson, going out with Erica. Stiles loves being a parent to his kids and taking care of them. But this new found independence? He loves that that too. So perhaps that's the change he needs to make with Derek moving forward- a whole change on their dynamic? He doesn't regret being a househusband all these years, but he and Derek, their lives with each other and their children- it's changing. Derek has a new job, he has enough money that he doesn't need to be the main breadwinner anymore. Stiles is letting Lily grow up and is making his own money and life away from the home- there's no way they can go back to how things were before exactly. But they can be happy again can't they?  
That's why he won't even consider Parrish or give him a second look. Because he's not Derek.

John observed his son has he came to whatever revelation in his head, the hesitation, determination and fear in his eyes all jumbled up in his head. Stiles placed the cup of lemonade back against the table and swallowed hard, looking over to his father.  
"I don't want to make a mistake dad." He said, pleadingly. This whole things has come to close to breaking their family up, absolutely destroying it. He doesn't want to see Zayd ever putting himself in danger out of spite again, doesn't want Netta to be forgotten or crying out of guilt when she was completely innocent, doesn't want Lily loosing out on a childhood. Stiles especially doesn't want to have his heart broken again.  
John nodded in understand, clamping a hand on Stiles shoulder as he starred out into the bake sale to the crowd, eyeing his grandchildren.  
"I know...And you won't." He said honestly. "As long as whatever happens is your choice the you won't make that mistake Stiles. Keep the control you have." His son didn't have a choice when Lily was born with RDS, he didn't get a choice when his husband fucked off and had an affair, he didn't even get a choice in going to therapy - but that was because it was the one thing John and Derek needed to push so that Stiles could be in a place now to make a choice in this, to make a choice in where his life and marriage would go and no one was going to take that away from his son. Stiles let out a steady sigh, leaning his head against his dads shoulder and just relaxing, closing his eyes for a few moments of calm and bliss.

Peter laughed with Derek as he listened to the man tell him the story of how Zayd ate an entire chocolate cake one sitting after watching the movie 'Matilda' and got sick after 4 slices.  
"That poor kid!" The man laughed joyously as Derek shook his head, taking a shot of whiskey as they sat at the bar of some nightclub. He had been telling his uncle about his decaying marriage and stupid choices at the hotel room when Peter suggested they go out and loosen up. Derek followed in kind, not wanting to break down crying or anything in front of his uncle. At least not while Sober.  
"Yeah, he was a little rascal when he was younger. " Derek commented before smiling fondly. "Zayd's so fucking smart now. Way smarter than I was at his age. He has Stiles energy and laughter that just draws people in. Netta no difference, talks a million miles a second but you don't want her to ever stop talking or stop seeing her dance. And Lily...baby just learned to walk and already started to cause trouble." Dammit, alcohol just made him miss his children more. Peter watched Derek carefully, a calm smile on his face at he observed the man.  
"Yeah, too bad ya fucked it up huh?" Peter commented, Derek laughing at how many times he's heard some sort of mix of those very words throughout the past two months. "Let me ask you something. Do you actually love him or you just playing it up cause of guilt?"  
"I love him so much Peter. You don't even know." Derek sighed out, swallowing down a lump in his throat with another shot. "After I left that family, totally cut ties with them and they cut off the money they were giving me, he got me through it all. Made me see a life beyond them."  
"I hear that!" Peter raised his glass. Alex had helped the man on his own journey of self discovery and self love. Peter had been seeing a therapist also. When the therapist recommended that Peter go back to Beacon Hills to face his past so to speak, Alex moved with for 6 months in case they had a run in with the Hale family. Issa still had college classes at a local community college and offered to watch the store while his dads were gone. They'd been there for 3 months when Derek or rather Derek's own therapist reached out to him. And the man is so glad that happened. "But what I don't get then is why the sudden decision to leave your side bitch? New years new you or more?"  
"I don't know." Derek sighed, shaking his head. "I just...I remember waking up expecting Stiles by me and instead it was Luke. Not Stiles, none of our children in that apartment, just us. And even though that's what I escaped too, I just didn't want it anymore." He hated how that sounded, like he just up and decided to quit, like if it was that easy why not do it before. "I think that's why I invited him back home too, so I could stay strong in my decision if I was surrounded by my family and friend in contrast to having Luke there- remind myself what I was giving up if I didn't break it off with Luke." He scoffed at himself. "It's all so stupid."  
"It is." Peter wasn't going to pretend it wasn't. "In some weird way, if he hadn't kissed you then, maybe you and Stiles wouldn't be here confronting your problems now and getting better for it."  
"I'm not thanking Luke."  
"Fuck no!" The man laughed at the glare his nephew gave him. "All I'm saying is that, what happened has happened. And if you and Stiles seem to be getting better as you say then all you need to do is acknowledge your mistakes, acknowledge the past, learn from them both and work hard not to repeat it. Then move on. Neither of you will forget what happened, I don't think you should. But that doesn't have to be a bad thing, never use what happened as weapon against eachother but it'll keep you on your toes. Keep you talking to each other. Remind you to say I love you because when you're with someone for a long time, you forget to just say it." Peter never forgets to say I love you to Alex, but before it used to be as a form of thanks and gratitude, now he says it just because he really does love his husband.  
Derek listened intently to his uncle, taking in everything he said. It's different hearing these things from a family member, someone who hasn't been around to witness it all. It felt unbiased but also personal, different from a therapist you were paying (although he loves Rani), or a best friend who has some sort of obligation because you've known each other a long time (he owes Boyd and Erica so much). It was truth and support but not pandering. It was honest. Some Derek finds he prefers rather than running away. They shared another drink when Derek gets a call on his phone, he opens it up and finds it Stiles. He hopes the man isn't drunk again because really, he just wants to talk to his husband and no one else. Peter grins at him and winks.  
"Go ahead, I'm just gonna text Alex and Issa." He said, whipping out his own phone as Derek walked off outside so the sound of the crowd wasn't distracting or interrupting the call.

Stiles smiled as Derek picked up, sat in his dads car as the rest of the family was still enjoying the bake sale.  
"Stiles! Hi!" His husband's voice sounded...happy. Like really happy.  
"Hey Derek." Stiles responded, bit his lip. "I'm sorry I called you when I was drunk last time, totally not a conversation to have while I was like that."  
"Don't worry. I'm just glad to talk to you now." Communication, Rani told them to tell the other about their positive emotions, not just when they were sad. He wanted to Stiles to know how happy he was when he or the kids called. Said man couldn't help the joy he felt at those words. "How's the bake Sale by the way?"  
"Good good...I um, I mean- My bakes sold really quick. Thanks to our kids being their adorable selves."  
"I'm sure you're food being delicious helped too."  
"You're right. That too." Stiles laughed gently, resting his head against the seat headrest. There was quiet for awhile and unlike before, it wasn't awkward. Derek knew exactly what to say to fill the silence too.  
"I love you." He started. "And I'm not just saying that Stiles, I mean it. You...You've been saying it a lot lately as if to reassure me or convince yourself it's not wrong to feel that way- I dont know. I-I'll never know why you love me." He never has, since the day they got married, Derek doesn't know what he did to deserve this man or have him still be willing to at least try before they call it quits. "But I have loved you for over 20 years, beyond the times when you're young and stupid and that kind of shit doesn't last. I never felt it but then I did with you and it has lasted for me. I love you and I'm so sorry I forgot or stopped or even tried t feel it somewhere else. So even if you come home and you don't need to there anymore...I'll accept it. Just like I said I would if it makes you happy. I just...I need you and want you to know that I have, do and always will love you." He took a deep breath after his speech, unsure of how Stiles would respond to Derek acting on his uncle's advice.  
"You know..." Stiles soft voice called out a few minutes later, "I got kind of hit on my the new sheriff today. Some dude I didn't know but who knew me."  
"You're hard to forget."  
"I know right. Anyway, he's a Sheriff, like I said- duh! Ugh...I mean, he's got a good job, he earns enough, Dad vouches for him, gave me a whole spiel about how he was loyal and hard working. All the good stuff."  
"Sound's perfect." Derek commented with a slight frown, but if this what Stiles wanted then so be it. As long as this dude deserved him.  
"I know. But he wasn't you." Derek was struck speechless then but Stiles continued on. "Here's a guy who could provide, good looking, loyal, everything anyone would want. Someone Scott would probably want me with. Definitely better than Theo and Dad says is more loyal than you. Yet, I Stiles Stilinski-Hale, want you. Can you explain that?"  
"I don't think I can." Like Derek said, he'll never understand why Stiles loves him.  
"Because for some stupid reason, I don't want a life without you Derek Stilisnki-Hale. I don't. And when I get home, we are going to have a serious talk about big changes in our lives. No, I haven't forgiven but whether you like it or not Mister, you have ruined me for other men and you better damn well take responsilbility for it." His tone was teasing and light and honestly Derek was confused.  
"Stiles what are you saying?"  
"I'm saying that I love you too, idiot. And you made a big fucking mistake. And I haven't forgiven you and you're not coming back in the house yet. But I love you Derek. You're the love of my life, the father of my kids and as much as what you did hurt, I'm not going to pretend that you haven't been working hard to make things right." Maybe Scott would hate him for this, maybe their friends would disapprove and think Stiles should be angry still or make Derek suffer more. But Stiles is so tired of being angry and hurt. He just wants to me happy again. Rani told him finding forgiveness is beneficial to Stiles, not just Derek. Just as he shouldn't feel obligated to forgive Derek just because they're married, he shouldn't hold onto anger and hurt because of social convention or made up principles either.  
Derek felt like crying because this was the first genuine admittance from Stiles that he didn't hate Derek's guts completely, that there was a life for them if they keep working and that Stiles wasn't going to up and leave at the next best thing because for some reason he still wants Derek. And it made the older man so fucking damn happy.

"I can't wait for you to come home..." He sniffled, clearly having started crying at some point.  
"We'll see you at the airport in a few days." Stiles wasn't any better and rubbed at his quickly, clearing his throat. "So anyway...tell me about your uncle!"

And again, for the second call in a row to each other, they talked for hours. Peter came out the club to say he was heading to the hotel, hugging Derek goodnight even as the man was still on the phone to Stiles. Derek walked back to Erica and Boyd's still on the phone to his husband. Stiles giving the phone to each of the kids at some point, John driving the car while they the family talked to the man on the phone. It wasn't until Stiles had to get the kids ready for bed did they finally hang up the phone.

Even then Derek went to sleep with a text message from Stiles saying 'Goodnight.' since they didn't say it on the phone.  
Just I love you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can hear it already the disappointed 'I want them to break up' team. Story isn't finished (but will be soon). However again, I will not add tags until the very end in case I feel the need to add more or go a different direction ect.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter , leave feedback and kudos guys. Let me know if there's anything you wanna see and I'll see if its possible. Let me me know what you think of this chapter- comments keep me motivated to write as always. Thank you for all the support


	45. The Here and Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek tries to Address some issues he things are important. Stiles sets him straight.

The rest of the visit went relatively smoothly; the kids had fun with their grandfather, Scott and Allison came by with little Kaitlyn, Stiles spent time with his dad one on one and Derek called every night for the kids and his husband. Things were going so well that Stiles was kind of nervous going back home. He had that feeling in the pit of his stomach that when he got home, Derek's 'surprise' would be some sort of big secret or grand empty gesture that reverses all they've worked for! Then Stiles would proceed to feel guilty and call Derek to make sure he wasn't doing anything he shouldn't before they talked normally again once Stiles' concerns were put to rest. It wasn't as bad as before however. Normally he would spiral but now he calls Derek and even though he knows it hurts the man a little that Stiles feels the need to check up on him, Derek understands the necessity and Stiles understands his feelings are valid and how to properly handle them. So as much as he sits on the plane anxious as to what Derek may have planned for when they get back, he's also excited to see his husband again and continue working as hard as they have been.  
"Papa! I can't open the peanut packet!" Netta whined, trying to pull at the plastic bag with all her strength before pouting and holding it up to her father like the world had come to an end. "Can you open it for me please?" She said, looking enviously at her brother besides her stuffing his face. Stiles laughed gently and reached over taking the packet and opening it easily for his daughter, the young princess cheering her thanks and eating cheerfully. The brunette watched before glancing down at Lily on his lap, playing her right hand oblivious to the world around her. Again, Stiles is reminded of yet another reason why he didn't just divorce Derek on the spot like he instinctively wanted to a few months ago. God, soon the kids will begin school and it'll be September! Making 9 months of separation. Then before he knows it, it will be Lily's 2nd birthday and just a few days after Christmas then New Years. Breaking it down like that, it all felt so far and so close all at the same time- a full year since he learnt of Derek's betrayal and they went through all this hurt and dirty tactics to hurt one another just because they were too scared to talk, only now recently reaching a place where Stiles can say they're at least doing good and better than before.   
He hopes that by the time their mark for a year comes by, they'll be in a stronger, more secure place. Because right now, Stiles just wants everything to turn out alright and he has a lot of hope- but he's not stupid enough to believe that's all it takes.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay another week?" Derek offered, pulling back from a strong hug with his uncle. "I mean, Stiles and my kids come back today. I can even pay for Alex and Issa to come down-"  
"No no, I think this was enough for a first time visit." Peter chuckled, hoping he didn't make it sound like he had a horrible time because he did! They went to the shooting range, Derek met Alex during facetime and the two got along well, even went and drove out of down and went hiking together- neither Stiles nor Alex were big on fitness as much as their husbands and nature trails as much as their husbands. Peter truly did enjoy spending time with his nephew, but just as Derek was in the middle of his journey to self growth with his husband, Peter was in the middle of his own journey too. And that place was at Beacon Hills right now with his husband for at least another 3 month. "But hey, you have my phone number and email. Stay in contact and we can meet up again, say around Christmas? Our families- " New and better families he means, "can meet with each other and we can stay for New Years? Unless I'm getting ahead of myself!" He was practically inviting himself to a holiday usually reserved for family and although they're close, maybe it was too early to plan such a thing with his nephew who he hasn't talked to in decades?  
"Don't be stupid." Derek grinned at the man. "Of course you can come down. Though to be honest I'm fighting to be invited to such occasions myself."  
"I'm rooting for you." Peter assured her with a smile. He doesn't think, no he KNOWS, he would never cheat on Alex and leave Issa as Derek did but he also wasn't one to judge. Peter stole and fought and did all sorts of morally questionable things just to stay alive as a homeless man and though not the same circumstances, Peter can imagine what he would do if he was in Derek's shoes at that moment in his life. Before Derek, to Peter's understanding, tried to leave Luke on multiple occasions and was driven by guilt- never a good motivation for anything. Made him vulnerable and easy to persuade otherwise because his whore made him feel good and forget about those feelings of guilt which again, was his only motivation. Now the man before him aims to just make his family happy rather than try to desperately beg forgiveness to put said guilt to rest. Peter has confidence in Derek and he hopes that this Stiles person, for all the justified reasons he has to be angry and upset, also accepts that Derek loves him dearly and they not only move forward but learn from their mistakes here on out. He tells Derek as much.  
"I wish you nothing but the best Derek. I mean, keep me updated and we'll plan to meet up again."  
"I'll do that." Derek smiled, sharing the same sentiment with his uncle before the man picked his bag up to leave. The men hugged once more then Peter was on his way. Derek let out a breath and turned on his heel to make his way to the other end of the airport to wait for his family now.

The man waited for 1 hour patiently, having bought some candy for his children and truly his husband too, Stiles never truly outgrew his sweet tooth despite his constant ramblings about having adult tastes now. He would never resist a packet of soft caramel filled chocolate bars no matter what the brunette claimed.  
Soon enough, he saw Stiles waking up with his children, pushing along the cart with their luggage, 3 belonging to Netta. Said princess squealed happily as she saw her daddy and ran towards him full speed. Lily saw this as a challenge to some sort of race and her daddy having the prize so waddled along faster into a run to try and beat her older sister. Zayd just rolled his eyes and kept walking but Stiles picked up on the little bit of speed the boy picked up in his step.  
Derek got on his knees on the floor and laughed loudly as Netta jumped at him, wrapping her arms around his neck. He wrapped an arm around her, leaving his other one open for Lily hot on her sister's heels, cooing proud compliments at the girl for running so far and fast. Soon Zayd and Stiles finally made their way over and Derek stood up, holding their youngest in his arms.  
"Hi dad." Zayd greeted with a gentle and guarded smile. Derek smiled back, happy his son wasn't outright ignoring him. His relationship with Zayd had been improving, the boy less hostile when it came to his father. Derek has no doubt that Stiles has played a big part in that.  
"Hey son." He greeted happily, handing out the sweets to his son and daughter before looking over to Stiles who smiled back at him. "Here, you can hold Lily and I'll push the cart." He offered, handing the little girl over as Netta pouted.  
"I want to be picked up!"  
"But you're a big girl now Netta. You can walk." Stiles told her with a fond smirk. Derek laughed and got down to Netta level with his back facing her. The girl smiled widely, overjoyed to climb on her daddy's back and holding on as he went to push the cart too. Her papa shook his head as they walked along. Back for less than a few minutes and already spoiling her. They headed out to the car, the kid getting inside while Stiles and Derek packed the bags into the back.  
"Is it just me or did you guys come back with more stuff then you left with?"  
"That's Scott and Dad's fault. Everyday the kids got a present given to them, both small and big before dad gave them all $20 dollars behind my back just before we got on the plan." Stiles shook his head at John actually Stiles to 'fight me' whenever his son accused him of spoiling his grandchildren too much. As if he was meant to cut back or something. Derek chuckled and said nothing more on the situation, seeing no harm in the old man giving the kids a few gifts since he only sees them a few times a year. They packed up and got in the car, Derek checking the kids were all good and not feeling too sick from the flight (which maybe he should have done before giving them candy), and drove off once he got an okay from them and Stiles.  
"What happened to your hand?" Stiles asked curiously, seeing the cuts and bruises along Derek's skin, as particular blue plaster over his index finger.  
"Oh working with Boyd. Don't worry about it." Derek brushed off easily, which Stiles accepted. His husband was a carpenter now apparently so it made sense. Injuries were bound to happen one way or another.

Traffic thankfully wasn't too bad but they did arrive home just as the sun was setting which didn't matter to Derek as they pulled up to the house. Stiles got out and went to the trunk to begin getting their things in when Derek stopped him. He instead opened the door to Lily and got her out the car with a smile to their other kids.  
"I told you I had a surprise, remember?" Derek smiled at them, the kids already unbuckling their belts to get out quicker so they could see said surprise. The older man grinned at his children. "You have to go around the back!" Derek called before Zayd and Netta tried to open the front door. Stiles gave him a questioning look but Derek just let him around the back with the children.  
Netta excited squeal rang through the backyard along with a shout of "WHAT THE HELL" of excitement from Zayd. Stiles entered the garden then and gasped at the newly built tree house now resting on the old oak tree in the corner. It had a ladder going up and a slide coming down and it was big enough for even Zayd to enjoy it at his age and size. There was no roof, the thick branches and leaves of the tree being utilised for a natural cover but there was a cover-up ready to roll out when the leaves start withering.  
"Papa! Papa! PAPA! TAKE A PICtURE! MISSY IS GONNA BE SO JEALOUS!" Netta cheered excitedly as she was already waving at the man from the window. Stiles shook out of his shock then, turning to Derek both amazed and anxious.  
"Is this safe? How long did it take? How much did it cost!?" He began bombarding Derek with questions and the man listened to them all calmly, expecting such a thing.  
"I have all the paper work inside, Boyd and I built it free of charge. Zayd always wanted one when he was younger remember? Now he has sisters to play in it with and I now know enough about wood work so this wasn't a disaster or dangerous." Even then, he had Boyd do all the safety checks and finer details himself just to be safe. Stiles was still clearly shell shocked. "But we won't let Lily go in just yet." Derek assured the man, the little girl still tripped now and then just walking and running, He doesn't think she'd be able to handle a ladder just yet. Instead, he took his husband's hand and led him inside through the kitchen while still carrying their baby girl.

"Which is why I hope you don't mind her joining us for your surprise."  
"Excuse me?" The brunetter breathed out, then paused as there on the kitchen table was a perfectly set up dinner for two with a candle stand with cookie dough scented candle sticks ready for when it would start getting dark (which was soon anyway). Stiles raised a brow at the older man as he placed Lily in her high chair between.  
"Dr Naeem said to not do anything you did with him. Like how he made you dinner-"  
"And this is ME making YOU dinner." He told Stiles gently. The lasagne was in the oven and would only take a few minutes to warm up. He also had dessert ready in the fridge. Derek wasn't much of a cook at all and clearly struggled but he hoped his efforts weren't completely wasted. "I checked with Dr Rani and she said it was fine. Because you've been doing this for years, cooking and cleaning and taking care of all of us. I'm a grown ass man, I can or should be able to make my own food and more importantly, I should make it for you too." He smiled kindly, sitting down and patiently looking at Stiles waiting for his reaction.  
Said man was currently trying to still process what the hell was happening but did eventually slowly take a seat, causing Derek to visibly relaxe.  
"You seriously cooked?" Stiles couldn't help but sound incredulous because the last time Derek tried to surprise him with a romantic dinner, he burnt the tomato soup and set a roast chicken on fire.  
"Well...Erica helped. Boyd was over checking over the treehouse one final time while Erica and I prepared all this. I know you didn't want me in the house while you were gone but I swear I was just in and out the garden with Boyd all week and only came in the kitchen this morning with Erica's spare key-"  
"Derek." Stiles cut off his rambling which felt like a strange reversal of roles. "I'm not mad...Honest." He observed how his husband seemed less tense then, clearly hanging on Stiles every word. "Is that how you hurt your hand? The tree house is what you and Boyd were working on?"  
"The tree house is free of charge like I said. The only real payment is that Saffron can come over to play on it whenever too." Derek explained, standing up to go get the now warmed up lasagne from the oven. It was a strange sight watching his husband put on oven gloves to get a self home cooked meal out. "Boyd and I got a big job recently and it's doing stuff I haven't really done before so ya know..that where I got my injuries.." He chuckled slightly, setting the food on the table. Stiles cringed just slightly at the burnt edges, the perfectionist inside him screaming. But Derek had worked hard on it so it's not like he was gonna spit it at the mans face. Lily might though, the girl glaring down at the small slice place in front of her. The older man had to laugh at his daughters instant distaste for his food compared to her happy smiled when her papa makes food.  
"Try a little baby." Stiles encouraged kindly, watching Derek trying to spoon a little to the girl and Lily huffed turning her head. Both men laughed once more. It took a some coaxing but after several failed attempts, Derek relented and just gave Lily a chocolate pudding cup from the fridge which she happily accepted.  
"So Netta is picky with her hair and looks, and Lily will now be picky with her food." Stiles concluded with a grin.  
"Or maybe she just doesn't wanna be poisoned." Derek poked fun at himself, honestly not taking offence to his daughter not wanting to eat her daddy's food. Stiles seemed hesitant too but not wanting to dwell on it too much, grabbed his fork and took a bite.  
It was actually good.

"I'm glad you had fun with the kids." Derek spoke gently, the candles now lit and the kids still happily playing outside, coming in now and then to bring stuff up to their new tree house. Stiles was telling his husband about their trip, a few more details about the bake sale, Netta getting to ride on a pony, Lily playing in the park and even how Zayd got invited to a few parties despite not even going to Beacon Hills High School. "Though I might have to go over there and threaten a few moron kids..."  
"Your first trip back there in awhile is not going to be just to give some random kids the shovel talk." Stiles laughed, having a sip from his wine glass. "I'm a little disappointed I didn't get to meet Peter though." Stiles said gently. He knows the two men had a fun week and he's happy for Derek really. But Stiles never got to meet Derek's family like Derek met his. Not just John either, meeting Scott was basically meeting his brother and Lydia was like the scary older sister Stiles never had. "You should invite him back sometime."  
"He wanted to meet you too but he had his own family to get back to. And I did invite them to come down for Christmas and new years..eve..." He trailed off slightly, the brunette also looking down. The tone had clearly shifted. Derek thought it they were really going to like this now, it was a better time as any to say what he wanted. "I need to apologise by the way..."  
"Derek I know-"  
"No, I mean this is more of an apology for a what if...I wanted to avoid it tonight honestly but i also don't want to hide anything from you." Full transparency. He promised that to Stiles and he wanted to keep it. The younger man already looked apprehensive but gestured for Derek to continue. "Peter made me realise that...I may have never left Luke if it wasn't for what happened..." He looked down at his lap, scared to look the man in the eyes and kept going. "I mean- i always tried before and it always failed. He always- no- I always let myself get pulled back in and then would feel shit but do nothing to stop it just because it felt good in the moment. Peter asked me why I chose New Years Eve to suddenly take it seriously but I think the reality is...I didn't. It was just another attempt to leave as any other except this time I tried to bring him to our house to convince myself that things would be different.I think if what happened didn't happen...I would have gone back. It would have ended up how it always did and nothing would have changed. And I'm so sorry I was that weak and that I didn't have to willpower or balls to stop all this early. I just...Shit I'm sorry Stiles." And again, this is one of those moments where Derek understands what he had to do and why he has to do it, but also things it just sets them back. But he had a session with Rani earlier this week and as always she encouraged the man to speak to Stiles about his feelings especially if things were going well. He took the silence as Stiles anger building and braced himself for an onslaught of words and anger.

"Okay." Stiles sighed out, after taking a few deep heavy breaths.  
"Okay?" Derek repeated, completely confused. Only increasing that feeling when Stiles shrugged.  
"Okay." He said. "You might have continued the affair longer if that slut didn't kiss you. So what?"  
"So what?" Derek probably sounded like a parrot now but this was not the reaction he was exacting. It made no sense! "Stiles- I- I just told you that I basically would never have left Luke if he didn't kiss me in front of our family and friends. Nothing would have changed because I always tried half ass attempts at leaving!"  
"But it didn't work out like that did it?" Stiles said calmly, biting his lip. "Look...I... I get it. And I probably should have ripped into you over this months ago, god knows I've been wanting to ask why during out little talks and Rani's whole 'no discussing the cheating until I say you're stable enough' rule. I would probably throw candle wax in your eyes. Hell, I should probably be angry now but I'm just..not." Stiles shrugged again and Derek didn't know how to react to all this. "Derek, Im angry because the affair shouldn't have happened in the first place. I'm angry because what you've been doing now, spending time with your kids, having dinner with me, is all things you should have been doing before instead of off with your intern! I could give less of a shit when it happened, where it happened, how long it happened or WHAT COULD HAVE happened because all that doesn't matter. The point is that you had an affair and a what that means." Stiles shook his head, blinking back some faint tears. "We were...we were fucking terrible to each other. And you're right okay? Maybe you wouldn't have left and nothing would have changed. But that nothing isn't just you potentially continuing your affair. It's everything, it's us the kids;how we were playing dirty, avoiding each other then getting mad and acting surprised when the other did something we didn't like. We ignored out kids, Netta missed out on a lot because of our focus on Lily. We even sheltered Lily too much. We depended on Zayd when he shouldn't have to worry about the kind of things we were. We did a lot of things wrong Derek but that doesn't mean that YOU had to run out on us." Stiles had been saying 'we' a lot because there were plenty of problems in their marriage prior to the affair that just continued and got worse during it. But the cheating? That was all Derek. Said man listened carefully and Stiles sighed, running a hand through his hair.  
"I know Stiles...But I don't really get your point."  
"My point is that you're crying over 'maybe I wouldn't have stopped' when the reality is you did. You had plenty of chances to just run off with that bastard. Even when you saw him behind my back, you could have let yourself be pulled in again and ran off with him right then and there. But you threw your money at him and quit your job instead. The reality of our situation now if that we're here trying to make this work. So I don't give a shit if you're telling me you were too weak to leave and probably would have stayed with him if it wasn't for what happened. You're here now. And you still have a lot of work to do and I got a list of 101 things I can kick your ass over, but a what if scenario of 'I might have never left him' is not on it. You're stronger now than you were back then. So shut the fuck up and eat."  
With that, Stiles stabbed his fork into the cheesecake in front him, taking a hard frustrated bite out of it. Derek was sat back in his seat both amazed and exhausted at Stiles handle on things and if anything, he underestimated his husbands growing mental and emotional. stability because Derek was prepared for a fight, not a lecture of moving forward and not focusing on 'what ifs'. He broke out into a smile then and couldn't help but lean forward and plant a kiss on the man's cheek who paused in his aggressive eating and starred at the man.  
"I love you." Derek said dreamily as Stiles scoffed, shoving him back playfully but a small smile playing on his lips.

After dinner and Derek insisting he clean up the dishes, Stiles brought the kids inside, a difficult task as Netta had apparently announced the tree house as her official castle and Stiles had to bribe her with 2 princess bedtime stories before she came in. He sat the kids down in the living room, planning to have give them dinner after he discussed something with them. Derek was about to get his jacket to leave after he brought the bags in until Stiles stopped him and made the man join them in the living room. Derek sat down besides Zayd, all family members looking to Stiles stood in front of them. Lily just happy to play with her lego set, throwing pieces as far as she could before running to go get them- her own game of fetch. It was adorable and Stiles wanted a picture after this.  
"Right so- You two are going back to school soon. And your father and I wanted to run a few things by you." He gave Derek a look. The man had already expressed he was more than ready to move forward but both men wanted to make sure the kids were okay with it. "So...as the new school year is starting, how about your dad picks you up in the morning and takes you to and from school?" Stiles asked. For the last few months before summer, Derek had continued picking up Netta from school and that's it. Their son looked conflicted a moment, glancing to the man besides him who looked hopeful.  
"I...I don't mind." He decided neutrally, shrugging and Stiles would ask nothing more. Netta clapped excitedly and cheered her agreement. "But why not you Papa?"  
"I have less hours with my job with Uncle Boyd. I start at 10 so I can easily come and pick you guys up and then finish to bring you back home." He finished at 5 now with this new project but Boyd also takes a break to spend some time with his family before getting back to work so Derek could easily get the kids.  
"And that way I can work longer at the Day care and Lily will be with me." Stiles smiled, this would give him an opportunity to earn more of his own money. Zayd nodded his understanding and Stiles smiled. One thing down.

"Now...I was also thinking that once or twice a week, your dad also joins us for dinner here-"  
"YES." Both children instantly agreed, Lily also cheering to mimic her brother and sister. Stiles was a little taken back but he supposed that after a lot of nights without Derek in his designated seat at the table, they wanted him back. Like trying to fill the visible reminder of the whole in their family.  
"Alright then..." He smiled to the dark haired man who looked pleased and excited. Again, his job meant that Boyd knew the need to want to spend dinner with the family but Derek didn't want to push himself in so twice a week seemed safe rather than every night like nothing happened. "Derek? Any problems?"  
"None at all. But I do want to ask you two something..." Derek turned his body to face his kids and sighed. "I said I want to try with you both and I am trying. So with the new school year know that you can come to me for anything." School supplies, studying help, a ride somewhere, it was all offered there before but Derek wanted to make it clear that he wasn't backing out on it.  
"Come to all my dance recitals!" Netta said instantly. "You and Papa! You can't miss ANY!" She demanded, a hopeful look in her face. Derek smiled and pulled his daughter into his lap with a smile and nodded. Zayd bit his lip but wasn't holding back.  
"I want you to come to my games. And practice on the weekends with me!" He glared at Derek daring him to deny him this. The older man just laughed and nodded, he would truly make sure he kept these commitments. Zayd nodded at the confirmation and didn't go to hug his dad but like at the airport, Stiles could tell his son was happy. Lily had nothing but babbling to add so she clearly had no objections.

Stiles walked Derek out to his car, the man stopping once they were at the crub.  
"Thanks for that Stiles..." Derek smiled gently.  
"I meant what I said on the phone. If we're doing this, we can't go back to how things were. We need a change and taking some of the burden when it comes to taking care of the kids is part of that change.  
"I couldn't agree more." It wasn't that Derek never helped with the kids during their marriage, he wasn't one of those dad that came home from work and didn't want to be bothered. But Stiles was the main caregiver, falling into the role of a house husband with all his heart and that wasn't a bad thing but it did mean he did most of the child rearing physically from school to chores. Derek was more than happy to make the work load an even 50/50 or even take on just a little more than Stiles. Said man smiled gently and stepped forward to hug Derek, much for confident in their interactions than he was unsure at the airport. Derek hugged back just a little tighter but still restraining himself before stepping back. He got in his car and drove off as Stiles headed back inside.

Only to find Netta and Zayd had snuck out again to the new tree house. Goddammit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A common thing that happens in couples therapy with a couple after an affair is that one or both often focus on 'what if' scenarios in all areas of the affair. What if I loved him more, would he have cheated? What if she didn't walk in, would I be here trying to make it work?  
> And all it really achieves is that these make believe scenarios become real problems that the couple want an answer to when they don't have once because it never happened. A couple needs to focus on the situation they find themselves in now and focus on what did go wrong rather than what could have. Theres a difference between looking back on your mistakes to change then and looking back to think you could have made more.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, I had another idea for it but i am going to push that back for later and settled on a tree house for now. This was not what the 100,000 derek paid Boyd was used for. You will find out later.  
> Leave comments and kudos, they motivate me to keep writing and I love reading your throughts. Thanks for the support guys.


	46. Something's Missing (It's You)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles visits his husband at work. Derek comes for his first dinner with his whole family in a long time and Lily says her first word but it's not what the family expects.

Stiles let out a soft breath as he drove to the address Erica had given him. It was Wednesday morning and the kids were at school and Lily at the daycare. The man was working full time now and so far Stiles was enjoying it. It was nice to have a routine to keep him busy throughout the day instead of staying at home alone like he used to do when the kids were at school and Derek at work. Speaking of, since it was his lunch break, Stiles had brought Lily with him so they could eat together with his daddy. In the container besides him was a simple vegetable fried rice with chickpeas and a fruit cup for Lily. The little girl was in the back happily babbling to herself as she looked out the window- or as best as she could with her small height. Now that she could walk, which Stiles would have to be careful off since he knows Derek and Boyd will have tools and stuff about when they get there, the estranged couple were now trying to get her to speak beyond judgemental looks and look screeches of disapproval. It was kind of fun to Stiles, the two men turning a little competitive when it came to if she would say papa or dada first. In fact, during on of their date nights, Stiles had brought Lily along since the girl was particularly clingy that evening and the evening that was meant to be a stroll around the park at night turned into Derek and Stiles trying to coo, coax and bribe their child into saying their name first. None of the two were successful but they still had a wonderful time. Stiles desperately hoped to keep that momentum going.

Parking up as he arrived, Stiles got out with Lily. Outside the small building were some trucks from different people Boyd had called from electricians to plumbers. This whole thing looked way beyond a simple carpentry job as different people moved in and out of the building. Lily looked amazed at the new things she was seeing but Stiles was a little nervous to go in with the little girl. He stopped women wearing a hard hat as she was going in and asked for her to bring Derek out.  
"Oh! Boyd's partner! He's over there!" The women point out to Stiles husband talking to a man by some trucks filled with wooden planks. He seemed to be sorting out something with Derek who...who honestly looked fucking good. Honestly, heavy work cargo pants matched with a tight dark navy blue t-shirt which were covered in saw dust should not look that hot on anyone but they did. It was sunny today too and whether it was from the heat or work, there were tiny droplets of sweat against the mans temple. Stiles watched as the other man offered Derek a bottle of water and the older man proceeded to just pour it over his head and face and it was dripping on to his clothed chest-  
This is so unfair, Stiles thought with a grumble. He was tempted to just leave and wallow in sexual frustration in the car except that Derek spotted him before he could turn around and now the brunette was trapped. The man was smiling as he came over too, Lily making happy babbling noises and reaching out to the older man who took her in his arms easily. Stiles almost missed Derek greeting him, too focused on certain other things.  
"-so glad you could come!" Stiles heard, catching enough of the sentence to understand what Derek might have said.  
"Oh yeah! We just thought you might want to have lunch with us. Unless you're busy?" Stiles could see everyone around him and guessed Boyd was inside too.  
"I have time." Derek responded kindly, letting Lily reach out and pat her daddy's wet face to entertain herself. "We'll have to eat out her though. There's space inside to eat but you know I don't want Lily getting hurt."  
"Yeah of course." Stiles agreed, now over his...whatever kind sexual fantasy hit and led his husband back to the car. They got in with Derek and Stiles sat at the front and Lily back in her seat, opening up the windows and sunroof as the brunette handed the food out. They sat in silence while as they had a few bites before they started any sort of conversation.  
"How have your session with Dr Rani been going?" Derek asked. They're couple sessions have been going well, they pretty much have been rehashing things out in front of Rani and in private, leaving the sessions each time feeling relaxed and heavy. Dr Naeem was especially proud to here about the new arrangement made between the two to do with the dinner plans and Derek's increased involvement in the children's lives. Stiles saw the women in person while in Beacon Hills, leaving the kids with is dad so he could have his weekly appointment in her office.  
"They've been good. Mostly about what I can do with my free time now that the kids are in school. And yours?" Equal interest, if Derek would ask about his day or take an interest in something about him, Stiles would and should do the same.  
"Same here. Mostly talking about Peter and keeping that open. Which I have been, we talk a lot most nights." It was better than laying in bed just waiting for sleep. Stiles nodded along as he spoke. He's glad Derek had someone to talk to, whether it was chatting shit about Stiles or not he didn't really care. He looked out the window to the building that currently was having it's roofs re-tiled.  
"So....this is your big project with Boyd huh? Goes a little beyond building a dinning table don't you think?"  
"Just a little." Derek smirked, opening up a bottle of water but this time not pouring it on himself (which was a good thing for Stiles). "It's a massive renovation. Boyd and I are in charge with getting the electricians and plumbers in, but anything related to wood and structure building is all ours. Or rather Boyd's when it comes to the foundation beams. Wouldn't want the building coming down because of me." He chuckled, Stiles snorting unattractively. They carried on like that, talking simply about work and tonight's dinner. And it was nice and calm and just...nice. Like something was missing. And when Derek got out the car to go back to work, kissing Lily bye and waving at Stiles as he walked off, that feeling only got bigger.  
He had no idea why.

Later that night, Derek knocked on the door to the house, nervous and excited at the same time. He had a box of chocolates in his hands- Stiles wasn't that into flowers, that was more Derek's thing anyway. He had changed his outfit a few times until Erica practically kicked him out the house. He just wanted to make a good impression okay? Which he understands, Derek was in this strange position of stranger to his own family because of his actions but now was not the time to just feel sorry for himself. He was done with that. Stiles was trying hard and dammit so would Derek. They were in a good place right now and Derek was not about to let all that go to waste just because he felt like hating himself was helpful because it wasn't helpful. They were both past being upset with each other and themselves. So was he heard the door being unlocked from inside, Derek told himself to get his shit together and smiled as Stiles opened the door. Of course, his husband had to look fucking gorgeous once he did. Not even just physically, though those jeans on him were certainly a treat but Stiles just had this atmosphere around him that was calm and inviting. Like an invisible glow that Derek had almost forgotten Stiles possessed. It was constant in his life prior to all this shit over a year ago. Now that it was in front of him, now that Stiles was in front of him looking so much better than he had in months, Derek realised just how far the younger man had come in recovering from what happened and finding himself again- and Derek was so damn proud of him.  
"Are those for me?" Stiles asked, having apparently said hi while Derek was being some sort of atmospheric pervert.  
"Well they were but considering Netta and Zayd will want some too I think you better hide them if you want them to last the night." Derek smirked as he got a laugh from Stiles, happy that sound was becoming more common again.  
"I'll hide the box while the kid's are upstairs." He told the man, closing the door once he was in. "Go on up if you like. I still have some cooking to do for dinner." Stiles offered.  
"Can I help?" Derek said, taking a step towards the kitchen until Stiles stopped him.  
"No no it's fine. Really." Stiles didn't really like help in the kitchen anyway, liking things done a certain way. Before he would use it as an excuse to throw in Derek's face, claiming the other man did nothing in the house only to deny him when he did offer to help. But they were better than that now. "Seriously, I want dinner, not a fire." He jabbed playfully, trying to show he didn't mean anything by the rejection and appreciated the offer. Derek took the out and nodded, thinking he would go upstairs anyway and keep the kids busy while their papa cooked.  
Up the stairs, Derek paused at their- well currently Stiles' bedroom. The door was open so he could see inside it. It didn't look like a room a couple slept in that's for sure. Hopefully that would change soon but the older man wasn't pushing it. He headed to Netta's room to find her not there so figured she was in Zayd's room. However on the way, said little girl came running out her brothers room and gasped when she saw her daddy and ran up to him. However, instead of being tackled into a hug, Netta grabbed his hand and earnestly pulled him towards Zayd's room.

"Daddy! Zayd broke Lily!" She tattled.  
"I did not!" The teenager blushed, Lily sat next to him on the bed happily clapping her hands excitedly. Derek looked between his children, confused as Zayd looked nervous and awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck.  
"She..she said her first word." Oh. Oh he saw where this was going.  
"What was it?" Derek sighed out as he ask. Apparently Lily answered for him.  
"Shit!" The infant giggled out. Netta gasped, Zayd whined and Derek...he just started laughing. God he didn't mean to and should probably be horrified, but truthfully a cuss out of all words being Lily's first word? He's not even surprised. It fit the young girl well. Thought how Stiles would react was a different thing. The older man stopped laughing long enough to ask his son how and when this happened. Zayd looked resistant but obliged.  
"Netta was playing this game on laptop while Lily was on my bed. Netta then needed help with a level. So I got up from my bed, stubbed my toe on the desk leg and yelled out...that word...and so..." He gestured to Lily who yelled it out again, laughing at her brother who looked like he wanted to die every time she said it. Derek shook his head and laughed a little again as he lifted Lily up. To be honest, he's surprised the girl didn't come out with something like this early. Derek and Stiles didn't see the harm in cuss words even though they were careful to use them around the children. But even with Netta and Zayd as babies, they did it as they normally would since they figured the kids were too young to learn and repeat it anyway. It wasn't like the pair swore like truckers or anything anyway. Of course there was the off occasion the kids heard a word, repeated it and the two men had to explain not to use it- but how do you do that to a 1 and a half year old? Especially when it was her first word?  
"Don't worry. It could have been worse." Derek kissed Lilys face as Zayd looked at his dad helplessly. "There are worse words she could have said. Trust me." The man assured, shaking his head. He told the two children to go clean up for dinner while he went and told Stiles that they both missed Lily's first word and what it ended up being.

"So...good news or bad news?" Derek asked as he walked into the kitchen, Stiles looking up from where he had just gotten the meatloaf out and set it on the table. He raised a brow at his husband in suspicion with a slight hint of anxiousness and worry but wasn't freaked out enough just yet. Derek continued with a smirk at Lily and poked her sides. The little girl giggled and yelled out in glee her new favourite and only word she knew.  
"Shit!" She laughed more when her Papa's jaw dropped.  
"Good news...she talks. Bad news, we both missed her first word and her first word is. Well that." Derek handed Lily to Stiles who pouted, disappointed that he missed it but also a little disappointed that 'shit' was the word she went for.  
"I suppose the good news is that this will make hell of a story for our friend and when she's older." The brunette said, the young girl giving her pouting daddy some smooches. "But this does mean that we're gonna have to be careful around her now that she's picking up words." Stiles warned.  
"Zayd especially." Derek grinned as his husband groaned. Right then, Zayd and Netta came downstairs. The eldest stopped in his tracks as Stiles gave him his best unimpressed look.  
"It was an accident!" He whined  
"I'll deal with your a- butt later. Now sit down with your sister and eat. And throughout dinner I want everyone to try and use the word shoot so Lily moves on from this." Stiles said, Lily of course shouting out shit when she heard the word shoot, thinking the two were the same. The whole family laughed then and Lily felt her job was done for the night.

Dinner was surprisingly easy to get into, Stiles was eating normal portion sizes again so Derek had that to no longer worry about. Zayd talked to him a little about school and how things were with his friends. Netta was chatty as every which definitely helped things. Stiles and Derek although at on opposite ends of the table managed a few cringe joint dad jokes to annoy the kids and share some private smiled when said kids weren't looking. Again, Derek didn't want to push his luck and kept away from any racy innuendos and plans for Christmas- that was all still up for debate depending on how the following few months would go.  
Right now, Derek was cleaning up the dishes with his son by his side, Zayd drying them as Derek scrubbed and washed them.  
"Thanks for the tree house by the way. But don't you think I'm too old for all that?"  
"Your still 15, still a kid. Besides, there's no such thing as too old for a tree house." Give Stiles a few days and he'll be trying to get up there himself. Which Derek planned for so the structure could definitely accommodate him. The young boy grinned, pleased with that answer.  
"The team is going to start up practice soon. Can you come this week end to help me out?" He asked carefully, as if ready for some sort of lame excuse and his Dad couldn't blame him; excuses and broken promises about spending time together is all the boy had gotten for a long time so Derek was in n way offended. Just determined to prove the boy he could rely on his dad once more.  
"Sure. Just text me a time and I'll drive over. We can go to the park, bigger space."  
"Would be easy to just leave from home with you." And it was said offhandedly, almost too casual to pick up any meaning from it. But Derek heard the subtext, he didn't comment on it though. But he heard it. And it gave him some hope.  
Stiles was putting Lily down, still trying to coax her out of her new word. Derek was in Netta's room, reading to her. They had moved on to the Travelling Cat Chronicles- Peter had recommended it to him and so far Netta was enjoying it. She was almost asleep and her head was on Derek's lap, mumbling tiredly to herself. "I want food daddy..." She mumbled, like she hadn't just eaten. Derek chuckled placing the book to the side. He kissed her head.  
"Okay baby. I love you." He whispered to her, swiping some hair out her face. Derek turned on her night light and walked out, silently walking out to not wake her up. She was talking during dinner about how she wanted to get rid of her night light soon- yet a another reminder that his little girl was growing up. Derek hoped that he would be around for those moments, and maybe convince her not to rush into growing up so fast. If the man had a choice, he would keep his children exactly how they are now.

He headed into Lily room next, finding his husband just putting the little girl in down for some sleep. With how energetic she was lately, Derek almost forgot how peaceful she looked sleeping soundly and curled up under her covers. Stiles sat on the floor besides the crib, just enjoying the quiet and peace of the house. And unlike before, he didn't have that feeling that something was missing. Especially when he saw Derek by the doorway. He beckoned the man over and watch as he took a seat on the floor too, both looking through the bars of the crib at the sleeping infant.  
"Thanks for dinner by the way. Tasted amazing as always." Derek said quietly, Stiles humming a soft thanks as he yawned, leaning over and laying his head on his husbands shoulder. The lights were off around the house except for the hallway and the living room light. Lilys door was closed so the only light the two men got was the bright silver rays of the moon shining though the window. Derek watched as they made Stiles eyes glow that gemstone brown he was talking about, the sparkle they had.  
"You''ll come back Sunday evening right?" Stiles asked gently, another yawn leaving is mouth as Derek nodded.  
"Yep...as long as you'll have me." And out of context that sounded almost like a plea for something else, probably was. But Stiles didn't call him out on it. Derek seemed to be trying to pull back though. "I should get going. It's getting late after all." He said, pushing himself up and Stiles standing up too to show him out.  
They headed downstairs, Derek grabbing his leather jacket and opening the door. Stiles didn't really want Derek to leave just yet, maybe spend the night, but they weren't there yet. It was just the first family dinner and although it went well, the younger man didn't want to jinx it. Instead, Derek leaned in to kiss Stiles on the cheek.  
But Stiles purposefully turned his end and the man landed the kiss on his lips instead. It was soft, quick and barely there and Derek pulled back in shock. The older man starring at his husband with a scared and vulnerable look.  
"Stiles I'm so sorry-"  
"Idiot, don't apologise." Stiles said, a little sad that kissing him was something Derek was apparently scared to do. "Did you not like it?"  
"No I did! I just...You...I want to go at your pace." He assured. They had kissed and hugged before but whatever was going on tonight made things feel much more charged and heavy than before.  
"This is my pace." Stiles slowly brought his hands up to wrap around Derek's neck, giving the man plenty of time to leave, to say no. But Derek just placed his hands delicately on the small of Stiles back, pulling him forward. He wasn't scared this time. And Stiles felt calm again.

They kissed once more and again it was soft. Both guarded and relaxed. No heat just understanding. And as much as they stumbled to get to this point, it didn't take them long to find a rhythm. However, neither were looking for more than intimate contact no further than this kiss. They pulled back but nether was letting go of the other. Stiles just let his head fall forward and he closed his eyes just to have a minute against the older man.

And Derek happily let him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an intentionally lighthearted chapter with a little angst. Imma give you guys a choice because I do have something I want to get to in the story but it will mean a time skip of a few month or do you want a few filler chapters that will be short (not too short). As always the choice is up to me in the end but as I said, I'm always open to suggestions so if there's anything you want me to explore or a scenario with the couple/family you want to see then comment below.
> 
> As always, leave comments and kudos guys, they help motivate me. Sorry for the late update and seriously leave some idea for some filler chapters (i.e jealous derek/stiles) or anything you wanna see addressed. Again no garuntee that I will take on these ideas if I feel like it doesn't fit into the story but still dont hesitate and just put the idea down.
> 
> Thanks for all the support.


	47. Come Back To Me (Don't Be Scared)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles tells Zayd the story of when uncle issac had a small crush on him.

Stiles was downstairs, hanging the laundry out in the garden to take advantage of the sunny whether they were having. Derek had dropped the kids off from school and made them something to eat just as Stiles got back from work with Lily before the man headed back to work. This new system was working out well for them. Derek got to work and spend time with the kids while Stiles got too work too and come home in the afternoon with Lilly and less needed to be done. The two men had begun getting the kids to help around the house with a few chores, giving Netta some responsibility in her growing age and Zayd already helped out but now he had actual appointed tasks to do when he got home- which he happily agreed to. Anything to help his papa out so he could go to work with no worries about what he would come home too.

It was a little sad how Derek would be getting ready to leave once Stiles got home and the man wouldn't come back even after he finished work. The brunette understood of course, Derek had work and didn't want to overstep his boundaries. He was playing it safe and although Stiles would have appreciated this a few months ago, he just....dammit he wanted more! Sure they had their date nights and their dinners but again Derek would be playing it safe- he never tried to touch Stiles unnecessarily, he never went beyond a quick kiss at the door and Derek didn't even get jealous when their waiter slipped Stiles his number.  
Was that wrong of him? To want Derek to be jealous? It was what he expected when the man met Theo, a punch or a threat. Derek explained why he didn't react as expected back then but it was still strange. Especially how Derek was earlier in their relationship. Not that he was overly possessive but he clearly didn't like when people hit or flirted with Stiles. Poor Issacc was once on the receiving end of Derek's wrath. But it was kind of hot at the same time, his husband had a pattern after all. Someone would hit on Stiles, Derek would flex his muscles or glare them away, this whole dominance stance as he got all worked out up. Then they would get back to their small apartment and Derek would make him squirm and beg-

"Hey papa!" Stiles jumped with a yelp, quickly continuing with pegging the washing up on the line before he dove deeper into his fantasy slash memory. Zayd raised a brown at his father's reaction with a smirk. "Everything alright?"  
"YEAH!" Stiles cleared his throat. "I mean yeah of course. I was just...thinking about your father that's all."  
"Gross."  
"Not like that!" At least not as much as Zayd needs to know. "I mean how he was back when I was in college and he just got into work." He said with a small sigh of longing. Zayd sat down with his dad at the table with a small grin.  
"Say dad mentioned something about you and uncle Issac?" He smirked as Stiles groaned. "Come on! I've gotta know what that was about!"  
"Why?"  
"So I have something to tease him about when we see him again." Zayd explained with a pout as Stiles shook his head. He supposed this story was due sooner or later so if nothing but to stop Zayd from asking about this in the future or go to Issac himself, Stiles decided to just tell his son the story of Uncle Isacc vs his Grumpy Daddy.

Derek was sat at the small desk in the small studio apartment he owned with Stiles letting out angry groans and frustrated sighs as he looked over the latest case his superior asked him too. Apparently Derek didn't file the report properly which was complete bullshit. Just because he was still a rookie the people above him thought it was best to treat him like dirt. Derek was stressed most days lately but he tried to keep it in this one corner of their apartment and not take it out on Stiles. Speaking of, an orchid was placed in front of him along with a kiss on his cheek.  
"Hey baby." Stiles greeted, wrapping his arms around the man's shoulders. Derek smiled gently and picked the orchid up with a smile. He did have a soft spot for flowers. "You seem stress."  
"Just slightly." The older man got up up and went to sit on their sofa bed with Stiles, leaving his work and frustration at the desk for now. "How was class today?"  
"It was good! I made some friends and we're going out later to party." Stiles told him excitedly. Derek chuckled, happy that Stiles was happy in college than he ever was. His husband gave him a look and Derek tilted his head.  
"What?"  
"I want you to come too." Stiles started, Derek tensing up. "You don't have to dance or anything! I just want to introduce you to some of my classmates and new friends!" Some of them still didn't believe he was married and Stiles wanted to prove that he was not only married but also to a very hot and sexy lawyer (in training but thats just specifics). "Pleassseeee?"  
"I don't know...."  
"Come on! You've been working so hard and deserve a break! Why not with me? " Stiles would go for every card in his deck if he has to, Derek knows that. From the 'you need to be more sociable' angle to the using his love for Stiles against him which worked better than anything. "Besides I met this knew guy, Issac. I think you'll really like him! He was upset after class today and I helped calm him down. He's adorable! And-"  
"I'll go." Derek suddenly agreed, surprising Stiles but Derek knew exactly where this was going to go if he didn't step in. He had dealt with this too many times before. "Just give me the time and place." He caught his husband in his arms as the man jumped onto his lap, littering his face with quick kisses to show his gratitude and excitement. Derek only had one goal tonight though. And that was to make sure Stiles marital status was clear and DEFINITELY not an open marriage.

Isacc had spent extra time in the mirror before he got to the club. Making sure his hair was cute and curly since Stiles complimented him on his hair earlier, made sure to have a clean shave to show off his jawline and even wore a v neck t shirt to against assensuate his collar bone, maybe entice the brunette to a little action later.  
He was fucking enamoured with Stiles and wanted to get the know the man even more. Isacc didn't have the best home life, he ran away from his abusive father at 13 and had been either living on the streets or with friends. He focused hard in school because college was the only way he could get a decent place to sleep and get a degree for a stable job. His intelligence was his only ticket to a better life so when he received his very first fail on an assignment in class that morning, he completely broke down. He waited until after class to go into the boys bathroom and cry in the stalls. God it was so high school but that one fail hit hard, especially since he had so much confidence in that paper. Education was the boys only ticket to a better life and if he continued to fail then he would fail out of college and have to survive again on the streets. Issac couldn't go back to that he just couldn't!  
He was so wrapped up in panicking that he almost didn't notice the object sliding under the toilet stall. He wiped away the fatter drops of water around his eyes and looked closer at the large bar of chocolate. Raising a brow, the boy picked it up and heard the tap water sound. Was the person who gave him this still here? Calming down enough, he opened the door and Isacc saw a pale brunette drying his hands. The stranger looked over and gave him a sheepish smile as brown eyes starred over at Issac.  
"Chocolate always helps me when I'm upset." The boy said simply, clearly not planning on prying into Issacs dilemma which the man appreciates.  
"I...thanks...Just got my first failed assignment and kind of panicked."  
"First fail of many man!" Stiles laughed, trying to joke but instantly regretting it as Isacc's face fell. "Oh hey no! I didn't mean it like that! I just mean that its really not that big of a deal! We're half way through the year, and if this is your first fail then clearly you're smart!" He smiled kindly and stepped towards Isacc, holding his hand out to him. "My names Stiles. You?"  
"Isacc..." he replied hesitantly, but something about how this man looked at him just made him feel...calm.  
"Well Isacc, the first step to a fail is looking through your paper and finding where you went wrong. Then making notes on improving it. Then you hand it to your professor to see if you understood your mistakes right." Stiles told him gently as he led his new friend outthe washrooms. Isacc listened intently. How Stiles spoke, it wasn't patronising or rude, just genuine and kind. "Then after all that, you get rid of the rest of your sad energy by coming out and partying with your friends. Which I believes that means that you are now obligated to come out with me tonight." Stiles grinned at him. And Isacc agreed whole heartedly. Anything to see this goddamn angel again.

Which led to know, Isacc at the booth with the new friends Stiles had introduced him too, waiting for the man himself. Isacc had done everything Stiles said and his professor even moved up Isaccs grade since he took the initiative to change and improve his paper. It wasn't an A or anything but it wasn't an F either! He couldn't wait to tell Stiles the good news and maybe even invite him to coffee after too...  
"There he is!" Scott cheered, everyone else holding their glass up as Stiles walked in. Isacc thought he looked real sexy, even under the dim club lights. However, after a few minutes of appreciating Stiles, Issac took note of the man besides him. Just one look at the muscular man besides him and Issac was both aroused and terrified at his ever present scowl. Everyone else around Stiles the boy could understand, but this dude didn't even look like he wanted to be here, forget around Stiles. They had completely different energy's and he looked older. At least 5 or 6 years older. Maybe an older brother? They didn't look alike. Maybe a chaperone of some sort? Whoever he was didn't matter to Isacc as he got up excitedly to hug the smaller man.  
"Stiles hi!" He reached into his pocket and got out his own bar of chocolate he got for Stiles and grinned cheekily. "Payback for earlier." He said with a smile to which Stiles let out an awe and thanked him. Isacc would be wagging his tail if he was a puppy. However that excitement was short lived as the man the brunette walked in with placed a firm hand over Stiles hips.  
"Derek stop!" He giggled, as the man practically muzzles at his neck and kissed it gently before pulled back but still plastered to Stiles side. Said younger man smiled to Issac. "Issac, this is my husband, Derek." He told him, Issac feeling the full force of that scowl and glare as it was now directly and focused on him despite the man holding his hand out to shake it.  
"N-Nice to meet you..." he said uneasily and in that moment knew that he was fucked.

Throughout the night, Stiles remained completely oblivious to the one-sided rivalry going on between Derek and Issac. Issac was - granted - trying to subtly flirt with Stiles but it was one sided because the man stood absolutely no chance against Derek. Issac would offer Stiles to dance but Stiles would just decline in turn for sitting on Derek lap. Issac would get them a drink only for Derek to shove his own drink over to Stiles instead. Hell, Issac even asked Stiles to go to the washroom with him but Derek just said Stiles would go later since he didn't need it. Like he just knew the man's bladder schedule or something. Instead, Scott got up and joined Issac in the washrooms.  
"So...Stiles and Derek-"  
"Yeah sorry dude! I should have told you before you tried to enter a pissing contest with Derek tonight." Scott sighed as they were ironically at the urinals right now.  
"No. Well okay yeah I'm clearly out of my league here but don't you think Derek is a little controlling? Not letting Stiles dance, keeping him on his lap, only giving Stiles HIS drink and not getting Stiles his own?" Issac didn't wanna assume of course but he had concerns. Which apparently weren't shared as Scott laughed, zipping up and washing his hands.  
"Sorry! I don't mean to its just weird hearing this from someone else. I mean, I had the exact same feelings. Though maybe for different reasons than you." Scott explained as Issac thought he was crazy. Both men soon made their way out and the taller man scoffed as he flung his arm out at the dance floor.  
"Dude look! Stiles is trying to dance and Derek is just holding onto him rather than letting him dance!" Again, Scott laughed and shook his head.  
"Dude...look again." So Issac did albeit reluctantly.

And what he saw was just...love. Stiles wasn't being held again his will or gripped tightly by Derek. It looked like that because despite the pumping loud music and limbs flinging frantically around them, Stiles and Derek were slow dancing in the middle of it all. Stiles had his arms around Derek's neck while Derek held him at the waist. They weren't arguing either, in fact they looked in deep conversation with Derek- the man Issac was sure could kill with one lethal stare- actually pouting as his husband seemed to laugh at him. But throughout it all, the two moved and talked as if they were alone and not in a club full of strangers, just their own little world.  
"It was hard for me to understand too..." Scott suddenly spoke besides him as they watched. "Everyone did. Jumping to all sorts of scenarios from manipulation to abuse...all terrible nasty things but because Derek was older. But we were wrong in the end." Scott sighed out regretfully. "When we thought Stiles was being pressured into sex, Derek was the one who was making him wait until he was 18, even then he wouldn't touch or go near Stiles until he was 100% ready. When we thought Derek was trying to take Stiles away from his friends and family, isolate him, Stiles was the one who actually wanted to move in with Derek and convinced him to agree. And it was us who made Stiles pull away- I mean damn, Derek is the reason Stiles and his father got talking again after their big fight on the relationship. " Isacc listeneded carefully and realised maybe it was the same with what he witnessed to tonight. Derek didn't pull Stiles to his lap, Stiles was happily perched on there. Stiles didn't wanna dance because he was happy with Derek who decidedly wasn't much of a dancer (unless its apparently slow dancing with Stiles). And Derek always gave Stiles his drink just because well, the man wasn't blind. He saw how Issacc felt about his husband and clearly he wasn't going to have it; which Issac admits thats fair enough.  
"I...I guess that all makes sense."  
"When we all thought it was Derek trying to change Stiles or take him away from us, the truth is, Derek is wrapped around Stiles finger. And he loves Stiles way more than we used to give him credit for. And Stiles is just the same. Derek might try and scare you and everyone else off but he doesn't need to. Stiles is already too far gone on him. Sorry man but it's not happening. " Scott finished, patting Issac on the back and walking back to their booth while the man just watched the married couple who were slow dancing in the middle of a sweaty crowd.

"Jealous were we?" Stiles giggled against Derek's ear as the older man huffed.  
"No...I'm just saying you're too nice to everybody. They get the wrong idea." Derek argued feebly as Stiles laughed loudly, kissing his man in the cheek.  
"And you scare people too easily with your grumoy face. But you're just a Teddy bear truly. You should smile more."  
"Fuck off." Derek grumbled with no real heat as Stiles laughed again, leaving his head on the slightly taller man's shoulder as they swayed gently side to side.  
"I like you like this though. So don't change."  
"What, you like me grumpy?" Derek raised a brow, confused.  
"Yeah. I means I get to keep you as my secret Teddy bear. I don't care if no one else sees how incredible you are because that mean I don't have to worry about anyone else falling for you." As much as Stiles would like Derek to be more sociable or come out with him more, Stiles likes the fact that the side of Derek thats soft and beautiful and kind is just all for him to witness. That he has this man all to himself and he never was great at sharing. Derek rolled his eyes and just pulled Stiles closer against him, glaring at a man who was starring to long at his husbands ass.  
"You don't have to worry about that. I worry about the idiots who realise you're amazing and think that I can share." He grumbled annoyed as Stiles smirked, giggling against his husbands neck.  
"How about we head home then? Have a little fun in our own little world?" He enticed which was clearly working as Derek nodded and firmly grabbed hold on Stiles hand and pulled him through the crowd and outthe club without so much of a goodbye to their friends.  
Stiles would text them in the morning in GREAT DETAIL about why he left early and would not be going to class the next day.

"Again. I say Gross." Zayd gagged as Stiles laughed at his sons expression. "But what about uncle Issac?"  
"He stayed at the club and met Danny that tight. Derek didn't maul him next time or try anything intimidating because Issac was happily snuggled up by his new boyfriend." Stiles explained with a dreamy smile, missing his husband once more.  
"Okay well...I regret everything about that story." Zayd continued dramatically, Stiles rolling his eyes. "But its nice to hear how dad cared about you...still does."  
"Yeah...its nice..." Stiles agreed before sighing. "Anyway, you get to helping you sister with her homework. I'm going to call your father about picking your upcoming game."  
"Alright. See ya Pa." Zayd hugged the man quickly before heading inside. Stiles got his phone out, dailing Derek's number.

"Hello?"  
"Do you remember when you first met Issac? Also hey." Straight into as always. Stiles grinned as he heard his husband groan.  
"What about it?"  
"Zayd asked and I told him the story." Stiles smirked, laughing gently as Derek grumbled in annoyance but clearly not mad at their sons curiosity. "So listen...the other day when we went on a date night dinner and that waiter gave me his number-"  
"I didn't do anything like I would back then. Promise." Derek said instantly and Stiles frowned. That wasn't where he was going at at all.  
"Why didn't you?" He asked.  
"What do you mean?" Derek asked confused. He didn't want to come across as some caveman staking a claim on Stiles. They might be still married for now but its always been in the back of his mind that if someone was interested in Stiles, then who was he to stop Stiles exploring his options? The cheating husband who had no say thats who. Even if Derek almost refused to pay when he saw the pass that waiter made at his husband.  
"I mean...well would you not care? I mean not that I'm trying to be one of those people that purposefully want to make you jealous to see you care or some shit but its just... You used to hate that kind of stuff happening when we started dating."  
"I wanted to keep you to myself back then." Derek said slowly, wondering how to navigate through this. "I...I know we're trying to make this work and you have no idea how happy and grateful I am for that. But until its official that we are back together...you have no obligation to stay with me Stiles- I have no right to act like you are...as cringy as it is to say...act like you're mine. I let you down and even if I love you and I know you love me, doesn't mean you don't have options to explore if you want."  
"So you wouldn't care if I went on a date with that waiter just for the hell of it?" Stiles asked with a frown.  
"It would kill me, Stiles. I was SO pissed when that waiter just handed you a slip with his number on. Slimy little shit..." he grumbled but took a deep breath. "Like I said though, I'm not in the position to-"  
"The hell you're not!" Stiles yelled annoyed and pouting. "You're talking about until we're officially back together but we're not officially divorced either. You're my husband and people aren't gonna stop hitting on me unless you say something!"  
"What, did you want me to punch that kid out in the middle of the restaurant?" Derek couldn't help but chuckle.  
"Yes! I want my husband back and if that includes the man who got annoyed at anyone who even looked at me wrong then so be it!" Stiles has just wanted...Derek. The one from before they had problems with Lily, the one that loved having Stiles in his arms and wasn't afraid to touch him. He wanted the one that would pin him down and- okay off topic.  
"I...I hear you." Derek sighed out with understanding with a soft smile on his face. Happy he had permission to tell these assholes to back off his husband even if they were separated at the moment.  
"Good." Stiles nodded firmly and felt lighter already.

They moved on talking about Zayd up coming game and how Derek would definitely be there. However, unlike Nettas dance recital, Stiles didn't doubt the man this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've decided on at least 2 or more filler chapters with 2 final chapters after that. This will all be done within the next week so imma try and update everyday.  
> The fillers will be more episodic but try to move and fit in the story as well as far as development but don't have too much hope for that. Just enjoy them and think of them as little side stories rather than the deeper story lines that have gone on.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed your first filler and thanks for all the support . As always, comments always motivate me to write so keep going along with kudos.


	48. Fall Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles gets sick at work and Derek comes to pick him and Lily up.  
> The pair learn a lesson about Trust.

Derek helped Boyd painted the walls of the now finished room. There were some people in the back rooms now working on the gas and electric to the kitchen while some plumbers worked on the pipes for the bath room. Soon decorates would be coming in so for now the two men in charge of this project just had to set a base coating of white paint everywhere. It was late October now, the leaves were changing and Derek was...well he felt alright. He had stuck to his commitments to the kids and Stiles, Lily was learning more words beyond shit and the two men had slowly been getting more closer physically and emotionally. Now that Stiles gave the okay, the older man was less scared to hold him when they watch a movie or hold his hand when they went for a walk in around the park. He wasn't an immature 20 something old anymore so he definitely wasn't picking fight with people or punching out people that looked too closely at his husband, but he did make it more clear that Stiles was in fact out with Derek and not up for grabs so to speak. A possessive arm there or a timed kiss on the cheek here along with a glare was enough.   
But even with the reassurance and progress they were making, Derek still wasn't comfortable giving into the growing feeling of hope in chest. Everytime he thought they were going well something went wrong. Maybe now it was just paranoia but the man didn't want to chance it. Didn't want to get too comfortable until forgiveness was earnt not just from Stiles but all the family. Halloween was coming up so Derek AND his husband were going to take their children out for trick or treating. Even Zayd wanted to tag along- honestly Derek is glad his son isn't a teen who's too cool to be seen with his parents and little sisters but that whole thing is over exaggerated anyway in teen movies.

"Once all the basics functions are in, we can get started on furniture." Boyd commented as he took a step back from finishing the east wall. "We're making good time, all goes to plan and this place will be ready by next spring or end of winter."  
"That sounds about right." Derek rubbed the back of his neck to work some knots building up there. He and Boyd really have been working hard especially since they were still doing normal commission work from grandfather clocks to wardrobes. But Derek knew that Boyd was getting a massive check from this so it would definitely be worth it, maybe the man would even take a break and take his family on vacation after all of this. The phone sounded out and Derek excused himself to answer it.  
"Derek Stilinski-Hale speaking." He said, both Stiles and Derek were getting back into the habit of using their full hyphenated name, Dr Rani saying it was a symbol of no longer denying each other or ignoring their marriage.  
"Derek? This is Kira from the daycare." The women's voice was hesitant and nervous making Derek frown and his anxiety fall.  
"What's wrong? Is Lily alright?" He asked quickly.  
"She's fine! But it's Stiles...Nothing too bad! But he came into work feeling a little under the weather and he's had a headache all day. Then he threw up and-" Derek cut the call then, giving his friend a quick rundown before running out to the car once he was given the okay to leave and go be with his husband.

When Derek got to the daycare, Stiles was waiting by the entrance in his coat with Theo, his husband hugging his stomach and Lily whining to get away from Theo who was trying to calm the girl down in his arms. Derek knew he should probably have a problem with this young man who tried to sleep with Stiles but the man was over that- it was a long time ago and he and Stiles are in a munch better place now than they were a few months ago so Derek wasn't worried at all. Especially when Stiles looked up at him with a look of relief, practically falling against the man when he got close enough. Derek rested a hand against the pale man's head and frowned. He was burning up.  
"He just suddenly collapsed and was saying he felt cold." Theo informed Derek, passing a crying Lily to Derek who clearly just wanted to be held by her daddy as her papa was hurt.  
"Thanks for everything. I got it from here." He assured, wrapping an arm around Stiles to help him to the car and holding Lily against his chest with his free arm. Stiles whimpered slightly as Derek helped him into the front seat before settling Lily down.  
"We're going to the doctors." Derek said firmly. Stiles shook his head vehemently as the man started the car, Derek then glaring at him.  
"Derek no! Just take me home-"  
"Stiles, I made the mistake of not getting you help sooner when you needed it. Not anymore." He reached over and held the man's sweaty hands tightly. "Its going to be alright. " He told him, voice softer. Stiles bit his lip but eventually nodded. He knew better now than to neglect his health for whatever reason. Plus, it wasn't like they were going to go there for Lily. No, their baby girl was fine. Stiles just has to keep reminding himself of that.

The doctor stood before the pair with a passive look on his face. Derek knew doctors needed to be professional but he hated how that almost made them robotic with no emotion- unable to read them and like they were basically immune to bad news since they deal with it everyday.  
God he hoped it wasn't bad news.  
"It's just a simple stomach bug. Nothing to be too concerned about but it's not going to be pleasant." The old man said, both Derek and Stiles sighing out in relief, even Lily visibly relaxing at her parents change in mood. Handing them a prescription, the Doctor book them another appointment. "Just to make sure, come back next week. I should clear up in a few days with plenty of bedrest and a few of those painkillers I gave you. Your symptoms get worse then don't hesitate to call." He finished, Derek thanking the man and shaking his hand. He was about to lead Stiles out when the doctor stopped him. "Oh by the way, Stiles, I see you've missed quite a few appointments on your file. So please make sure to show up next week-"  
"What appointments?" Derek frowned. He knows they've been on top of Lily's and that Stiles used to miss his check up appointments but he didn't know the doctors were still calling his husband back. Said man tensed up besides him.  
"Oh just usual checks we do with parents who went through a difficult pregnancy and delivery. We do them every few months or so and Stiles missed his latest ones recently." The doctor explained, unaware of the growing tension in the room.  
"When did you last call him in?"  
"We sent a letter out and left a voicemail for a check up last week I believe." He answered, Derek frowning deeply. He thanked the doctor once more before exiting the clinic, silent and pissed 

Stiles didn't know what to say. Its not he's scared of hospitals or doctors after what happened with Lily, but he's kept on top with her appointments so that should be enough right? And Stiles felt fine, he already had Rani to talk to when ever he felt anxious or depressed. He didn't see the point in going to more checkups with his doctors- Stiles would know if there was something wrong in his body! Still...maybe he should have at least told Derek... Who was currently driving the car silently back home. He was mad, Stiles could tell. The man was angry, upset and hurt.  
Once they arrived home, Stiles was helped inside, Derek silently helping him up the stairs and into the bedroom before going to place Lily down- she'd been through a lot today and needed a nap. Stiles got dressed into something more comfortable before getting into bed. He waited and hoped Derek would come back in and not just walk out the door in a huff. The brunette sighed, thankful when his husband walked in with a plate of buttered toast and a glass of water to have with his painkillers.  
"Take two tablets now. Then 2 in a few more hours. I'll be downstairs if you need me." The man said, and Stiles frowned watching him leave the room.  
"Derek wait!" He called helplessly, glad when the man stopped at the doorway. "Please...stay with me? We need to talk." He didn't want to beg, didn't think he should. And luckily he didn't have to because Derek just sighed and walked back in, sitting on the right side of the bed. His side of the bed that had been vacant for so long.

"I should have told you about those check ups. But they were for me and not for Lily-"  
"That's not the point Stiles." Derek sighed out, Stiles pursing his lips and shutting up. "Whether its about Lily or you or our kids- you should tell me when stuff like this happens! You didn't go to your check ups when we came back from the hospital and I should have done more to make you go back then. But I thought that was in the past. I thought you were taking care of yourself more."  
"There was nothing wrong with me." Stiles argued softly, Derek already shaking his head. "I didn't want more stress on us to go in for nothing."  
"You don't know if its nothing! Most things you don't realise is wrong until symptoms show and by then its too late! What if this wasn't just a stomach bug? What if it was something worse and you caught it too late?"  
"Well it wasn't." Stiles frowned, not wanting to focus in what ifs. Derek glared at him.  
"What about Lily?" Stiles froze and Derek didn't want to play this card but he needed Stiles to understand the importance of this. "Shes been fine for nearly a year now. Are you going to just stop taking her to her check up if nothings wrong with her?"  
"Are you really going to be that shitty?" Stiles choked up. "I would never do that to her in case-"  
"In case something was wrong right? In case there's something in her lungs that needs to be found early?" Derek saw the realisation slowly hit his husband. "If you aren't going to do that to her then why yourself? Stiles...I don't want anything to happen to you. I would rather you went in for 50 check ups and nothing be wrong then miss one and you end up being rushed to the hospital for something that could have been caught and prevented earlier. Not just for me but for you." He pleaded, unlike Stiles not above begging.  
Stiles...he got it then. With all his talk about building trust and not keeping secrets from each other...here he was keeping things from Derek. He reached over and took his husbands hand, pulling him close until Stiles was hugging his arm and resting his head against the man's shoulder.  
"I'm sorry. I'll go to my check ups a d let you know what happens. I'll tell you when I have them too." He promised gently, Derek sighing gently and nodding.  
"It's alright. I'm sorry. I over reacted-"  
"No, Derek. Trust works both ways. I don't want you worrying about me or Lily or any of us. I can take care of myself. If I need help, I know who to go to and you shouldn't have reason to doubt that." He told his husband gently and Derek nodded again, leaning over and kissing his head before gently moving off the bed, Stiles looking up at him sadly.  
"You need rest. I'll be downstairs if you need anything. Just rest and leave everything else to me." He told him kindly before walking off, Stiles sighing but doing as he was told. Once day, when they have a constant handle of things, maybe Derek will lay by him in bed once again.

John Stilinski answered his phone with a raised brow, Melissa McCall looking at him concerned from her seat screws him him at the cafe they were at.  
"Excuse me Melissa. " he smiled at her, getting up and exiting the cafe before answering his phone. "Derek. Can't say I'm not surprised by this call." He said rather tightly compared how he would talk to Derek in the past. Then again, Derek hadn't cheated on his son in the past.  
"Hey John...I just called to say before you hear it from Zayd or something that Stiles is sick with a stomach bug. He's fine, rest up in his room. But just thought you should know." Derek said uneasily, unsure how to navigate through a conversation with his father in law now. It look almost 4 years for the older man to warm up to Derek when he and Stiles got together, then once they found a momentum the two men actually got along quite well. Derek almost saw him as a sort of father figure himself. But since the most recent events in his life, Derek felt he was back to square one with the man, trying to prove he was good enough for Stiles.  
That wasn't why he called now but he would be lying if Derek didn't think he could get SOME point with this call. But John made Derek promise long ago to keep the man updated on his son, Derek was the one who told John about Stiles complications at birth in the first place after all.  
"I see...You made him chicken soup?"  
"Yes."  
"Hot water bottle?"  
"Yes."  
"Heating and cooling pack?"  
"Yes."  
"Black sick duvet not blue?"  
"I....sorry what.?" John laughed out at that, Derek clearly flustered and in edge on the other end of the phone.  
"Relaxe just messing with you son." He said with a smirk. "Kids okay?"  
"We're ordering dinner today, kids have done their homework and now they're in Stiles bedroom. Zayds on his phone and Netta is playing with the dolls while Stiles just lays down." Derek felt like he was giving a status report to the former Sheriff. The older man nodded, even if he knew Derek couldn't see. But John could see, see the effort the man was making. Moving beyond empty gestures and going with the movement and more actively trying to reconnect with his family. He knows it can't be an easy thing for neither Derek or Stiles to navigate through but the two were trying to make it work and dammit, John was routing for them. Not for Derek's benefit but for his son, for his grandkids and okay...maybe a little for Derek. He's a good man who lost his way and John hopes he finds it again, he truly doesn't.  
"Good to know...Go join your family then Derek. You seem to have everything under control."  
"Actually John...um...I wanted to ask something of you?"  
"Oh?"

Derek hung up with the older man a few minutes later, deciding it was getting late and should probably be getting back. He went up the stairs and into Lilys room where he heard babbling. The little girl was whining and holding her hands up to the man making grabby hands.  
"Da! Da!" She pouted, Derek chuckling and picking the young girl up with a pout to match hers.  
"Alright baby, let's get you to papa!" He cooed, taking her to the bedroom with him. There, Stiles was sat up with Netta on his lap playing with her barbies while Zayd was talking to the man. They paused when they heard Derek come in who placed Lily on the bed, the little girl crawling over to her sister and papa with happy noises. Stiles smiled at the little girl before looking to Derek, noticing he had his leather jacket on.  
"You're leaving already?" He asked sadly.  
"Um yeah....I left money for when the food gets here. You should be find through the night if you take your meds and Zayd here to help with anything you need." He said, smiling over at his son who bit his lip.  
"Why don't you stay the night?" Stiles shrugged, trying to seem casual and that this was just a convenient question. "I mean, I might need help and we both know I'm not waking Zayd or the kids up to help me. You could you know...just to make sure?" The offered seemed to catch Nettas attention who gasped excitedly.  
"Stay daddy! We can have breakfast together then!" She said excitedly and jumped up to him, holding onto his neck and making the man catch her in his arms so she didn't fall.  
"Yeah...stay dad." Zayd said smiled gently. Stiles moved back to give the man space to join them on the bed. Derek looked at all their face and sighed, giving in and taking a seat with the rest of his family.  
And it was nice.

He didn't sleep on the bed with Stiles, not they weren't there still. He took the sofa downstairs. However, every few hours through the night, he would get up and check on Stiles before heading back downstairs. Unknown to him, everytime he came in to check Stiles temperature or just kiss his cheek goodnight, Stiles was awake to experience it and grinned.  
In the morning, zayd made chocolate chip pancakes for everyone and Derek helped the boy out too. When Stiles came down with the girls, breakfast was ready and it was delicious. Conversation flowed easy and despite themselves and sleeping in separate rooms, Stiles believes that they reached a whole new level of intimacy.

Derek then left to drop the kids off to School, promising to come back and check on Stiles. The kids were already in the car and Derek was about to leave before he stopped. Stiles tilted his head and was about to ask if everything was alright when Derek suddenly pulled him close and kisses him gently. He initiated it.  
Pulling back, Stiles gave him a warm smile, hair still a mess from getting up and he probably tasted of pancakes too. But Derek still kissed him.  
"I'll see you soon." He promised.  
"I'll be here. Oh and um...." Derek waited patiently for the man to speak. "Do you think you can come with me next week? To the check up with the doctor?"  
"Of course." Derek answered easily, happy that their talk yesterday clearly had an impact. He kissed Stiles once more and left for the car. Lily was holding onto Stiles leg and waved at her daddy.  
"Bye bye!" She pouted up at her papa who laughed and hoisted her up, taking her to the couch to watch some cartoons.

Trust goes to ways and Stiles knows that Derek has been holding back with a few of his feelings because he's decided he doesn't have to right to feel negatively towards anything Stiles does. But he should, keeping those feelings bottled up was part of their problem as much as Stiles not listening was. They needed to work together not against each other.  
They needed to trust each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was listening to this lecture on relationships and they teacher explained how in a relationship where cheating has occurred, there's a lot of pressure on the cheating party to atone for their mistakes and them having to earn the trust back of their partner. Now that's all well and good I'd cheating was cut and dry with the cheater just doing it because they're a bad person, but the truth is in most relationships, cheating didn't break the trust between the partners. Trust was already gone. It takes two to build that relationship back up not just the one who did the ultimate deed.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed this filler chapters. I think have one for idea set in my head for now before we go back to the normal story and events.
> 
> Leave comments, suggestions and kudos. As always they motivate to keep writing. Thanks for all the support!


	49. Fool Me Twice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles and Derek attend Zayd lacrosse game with the girls.

"Lily baby, you can't run out to the field." Stiles told his energetic 1 and a half year old on this cold November evening. They had to leave for Zayds game soon and were just waiting for Derek to come, Lily getting increasingly restless the longer they waited. Lately, she was only calm whenever Derek would hold her which Stiles would have been comically offended at if it wasn't so damn cute how the little girl clung her daddyafter almost a year of missing out on the opportunity. Stiles almost said the man didn't have to come since he finished work at 5 and would probably want some rest. However, this night was important to both Zayd and Derek so if Derek could make it then who was he to protest.  
Netta stood by the window looking out as she waited to her daddys signature black car to make an appearance. "Papa?"  
"Yes Netta?" He responded to the girl, walking over with a fussy Lily in his arms.  
"Why doesn't daddy just stay home now?" Netta asked with a frown, looking up at her papa with look of upset. "You still mad at him?"  
"No I'm not baby..." he was hesitant, maybe suspicious, but even then those were feelings that didn't appear often at all and even when they did they were dissolved as soon as they came after a talk with his husband or Dr Rani. Never was he angry lately with Derek. He was still hurt but he's come to accept that maybe that will always be with him and thats okay. But angry? He hasn't felt the burning hatred or disgust he had felt earlier this year. He doesn't get mad when he and Derek argue or address things because that's how conversations work. Something he or Derek couldn't understands and wanted to avoid at all cost not long ago. Big things had changed now. Which now bags the questions that Netta so pleadingly asks:  
"So why can't daddy come home?" Big colourful eyes starred back at Stiles expectantly to which the man fumbled in his head to quickly come up with an idea. Which thankfully he didn't have to as Netta gasped excitedly from the corner of her eyes as she saw Derek pull up in the driveway and get out the car. She ran outthe door and Stiles followed after a sigh of relief, Lily also whining to reach her daddy as soon as possible.  
"Daddy!" The girl squealed, hugging the hold man tightly. Derek looked like he was in world of bliss as he hugged the young girl before standing up and smiling at his husband and Lily. He took the infant in his arms then turned his attention to Stiles.  
"Hey. Ready to go?" He asked, leading the family to the car once Stiles nodded.

On the way to the school, Stiles and Derek listened to Netta talk about how pretty her princess Halloween dress was a few nights ago. The two men took their little girl door to door along with Zayd, dressed as a typical zombie with his make up done by Erica, and Lily dressed up in a little witch costume. Stiles himself was dressed as comical Vampire and Derek was dressed as Superman. Although a lovely night overall, Stiles didn't miss the way some parents, both men and women, levered at his husband a moment or two longer than expected. He doesn't think Derek noticed, to busy codling Netta and Lily each time they squealed at getting candy. Which only added to his husbands attraction whenever those parents witnessed the man's adoring smile at the two little girls. Stiles notice all the looks and it did cast a little doubt in the pit of his stomach. Because Derek wasn't the same unapproachable rookie lawyer and college students from years ago. Everyone who wasn't blind knew Derek was attractive, no question about it. But he always had an air of 'fuck off about him that made Stiles feel secure because he saw sides of his husband no one really did. And it was all for him. Though over the years, maybe through Stiles influence, Derek was growing more sociable. Not Stiles level and he still wanted to avoid partying to social events when he could but the man did grow a slight different attitude towards everyday strangers. Its how he got so good at being a lawyer, everyone at work admired him and thought they could go to him for anything. Instead of growling or huffing when someone looked at him, Derek would now smile back and even start a conversation if he thought it would help the situation.  
Point is, Derek had people noticing him just on his looks. Now people were attracted to his looks and personality and Stiles can't help but wonder if Derek remained the same closed off and completely private person that he was, would Luke have tried anything then? He's not dumb. It definitely takes two to tango and Derek's loyalty was still up for question. What if he and Stiles got into another fight? Would he give in to these people all around him waiting for a chance to move in? Its not like Stiles wants to do something stupid and manipulative like purposely pay someone to flirt with his husband as some sort of test, nor does he wish ill on his children so they could imitate the difficult situation Stiles was trying to leave. But that little voice in the back of Stiles head, that feeds him doubt and fear is why Stiles can't just confidently invite Derek back into their home and their lives no matter how Netta looks at him whenever Derek leaves and no matter how much Stiles loves him.

"Stiles? You okay?" Derek asked worried, and Stiles realised he was holding the car door open for him, waiting for him to come out. The brunette smiled and got out, seeing Netta holding Lilys hand while Derek held Nettas, like a cute chain from tallest to tiniest.  
"Yeah! Sorry! I was just thinking about Halloween. " he said with a small grin. It wasn't a complete lie. He WAS thinking about Halloween before he went down his rabbit hole of thinking Derek would cheat on him again. He wished he had a solution to present to Derek because honestly, Stiles doesn't know how to the man is meant to prove to him he won't cheat. Words just won't be enough. God, wasn't Stiles just thinking how well they were doing with communicating? Now here he was agonising alone in his head and worrying said husband who he both loved and trusted yet didn't trust at all.   
Derek clearly didn't fully believe him but didn't want a fight or make Stiles upset. He made a note to come back to this at the end of the night though before he left. The family headed to the field where most of the other parents and friends of the players were headed. They got seats in the front bleachers with Derek sat next to Stiles and the girls on the other side of Stiles. People were still coming in and they had about 20 minutes before the game starts.  
"Stiles!" Came the distinct squeal of Erica, coming up to the the pair. Stiles stood to hug the woman as Derek greeted Boyd.   
"Thanks for inviting us." The dark skinned man smiled taking a seat besides his friend while Erica sat with Stiles and the girls. "Issac came over to babysit Saffron for us."  
"He'll take care of her." Derek commented confidently. The young man had taken care of Zayd when he was little and sometimes babysit Netta too. The group talked amongst themselves, Stiles feeling lighter than he did in the car surrounded by his family and friends. Maybe he truly was worried over nothing.  
Soon the game had begun and the crowd cheered for the teams as they came onto the field. Zayd didn't get the Captain position despite Stephens recommendation to Coach but it didn't matter. The boy was still a star player in Stiles and Derek's eyes especially as they watched their son sprint across the field, dodging, passing and catching the ball easily in the net. Netta looked bored but everytime she saw her brother she cheered just because well, it was her brother. Lily clearly didn't like being around this loud of a crowd and the girl huffed and curled into her papas side. Stiles chuckled gently and held the girl close as he continued to watch the teams play.

The game ended with of course Zayds school winning and everyone cheered loudly, Derek clapping his hands and Stiles whistling. Though that probably wasn't heard 9ver Erica's screeching cheers. However, behind them, trouble soon started as two dad, both seemingly having children from the opposing schools, started an argument about the last goal. Derek watch carefully with a frown even though the two men were a few rows behind them. As expected, they began to scuff, pushing hard each other and throwing insults. Some others around the men tried to break up the fight when suddenly someone pushed a little to hard and fell back against a redheaded woman who yelped as she tumbled forward out her seat. Stiles heart stopped, covering the girls eyes not wanting them to see the woman seriously hurt. Derek acted quickly and jumped up to the bleachers behind him, catching her right before she fell. Some people clapped as Derek helped her stand up properly, school security taking the two still squabbling men away.  
"Are you alright?" Derek asked concerned, brows furrowed. The woman panted from the fall and nodded, frozen when she made eye contact with Derek.  
"I-I yes...I'm fine. T-Thank you very much!" She squeaked out nervously, brushing off her skirt and fixing her hair. Stiles knew that look in her eyes and felt that voice in the back of his head ring loud again as he silently pleaded for Derek to just leave the woman alone already.  
"Alright. I'm glad." He smiled kindly at her and Stiles could practically see the woman and other women watching swoon. The older man then turned back to his little girls and Stiles. "Are you guys alright?" He asked, that concerned look in his eyes again but for some reason it just annoyed Stiles more.  
"I have to go. " he quickly handed Lily to Erica and rushed off, ignoring calls for his name. Stiles just had to get out of there.

Stiles sighed as he splashed his face with some water. He had to be reasonable. Derek was just helping the woman and being his charming self. That's it. He wasn't flirting with her or trying to lead her on. He almost had to scoff at the irony of it, Derek saying Stiles was too nice to people but his husband had no idea how he attracted people. Still, it wasn't Derek fault. It wasn't as if he was planning to sleep with the woman. If this was a few months ago, he would have angrily asked Derek why he didn't check on their family first and just letthe woman fall, would have been miserable and spiteful. But Stiles was better than that now. He hoped so anyway. So deciding he was done being a child after his little storm off, he tried off his hands and face and left the washrooms to go apologise to his husband, daughters and friends for his behaviour. Deciding to leave this whole ordeal behind him and go celebrate Zayds team winning. As he left down the hallway, planning to head back to the field as soon as possible, he notice his husband at the entrance of the school. But he was with someone.  
That redheaded lady he just saved.

"Thank you so much for saving me!"  
"It was fine really..." Derek answered uneasily, shrugging his shoulders. "You really don't have to thank me anymore." She was safe, nothing hurt. He thanked her and thats it. Derek didn't feel the need to be nice to her anymore.   
"No but I do! So you know...if you're not doing anything now, you could ya know...come over to my apartment. I have coffee and we can talk a little. By then it'll be too late so you can spend the night-"  
"I don't think so. Thank you but no thank you." This woman was coming on way too strong, thinking way to far ahead. She could plan their wedding for all Derek cares because nothing was happening.   
"If you don't like coffee I have some herbal tea! I have some right before I do yoga. I can get dressed I to my yoga pants and show you some moves if you want." She was leering now, dropping the innocent facade and trying to get what she wanted desperately but Derek just didn't care as he sighed and rubbed the sides of his temple.  
"Listen. In case you didn't notice this is a high school game, meaning I have a kid here who I came to see play. With my other kids and my husband." He watched the womans face dropped so maybe she would drop the whole act too. "And I love him. I love him dearly and more than you could imagine and more than I thought was possible. Your...suggestions might be innocent enough-" because of course anyone would just casually invite a stranger over and show them their 'yoga moves' in some tight yoga pants- "but I'm not interested in anything that would give you the wrong idea." He may have strayed once and he'll always regret that. But Derek would not make the same mistakes as before. He wasn't the scared weak man who was going to leave at the sign of trouble. Stiles had run off clearly upset and Derek's focus was to find him. Not deal with whatever shit this woman wanted to try on with him. She looked down in shame and nodded.  
"Fair enough...I have my own kid her too to be honest. I'm sorry for behaving so inappropriately...."  
"Sure." Derek just hummed coldly. He didn't owe this woman anything and didn't want to suddenly act all cordial and lead her on or get her hopes up.  
"Well perhaps we could still exchange numbers? You did still save me after all. And I would love to get to know you more."  
"Feelings not mutual." He made the mistake of treating Luke kindly when his attraction of clear. Made the kid think he had a chance if he was persistent enough- which inevitably worked. So Derek was cutting this off now, whether she really wanted to be friends or not was irrelevant and Derek was not making the same poor decisions as before. "Now if you excuse me." He starred her down with a glare to which she meekly nodded and walked off. The man sighed and turned to head inside only to find Stiles stood just inside the school at the entrance. Derek noticed his eyes were glossy and instantly he was filled with panic.  
Stiles listened to Derek ask him all sorts of questions about if he was okay, did he need to see a doctor- all because the idiot confused his tears for tears of sadness instead of happiness. Because Stiles was so happy. Derek chose him. He acted like a child and stormed off, he thought Derek would have gotten pissed and thought 'fuck it' before running off to someone else. But yet here he was with him. Completely and utterly worried about him and basically telling the other woman to leave him alone.  
"Derek I'm fine..."he sniffled, rubbing his eyes. Derek frowned.  
"Why did you run off? Is everything alright?"  
"It is now. I promise. " Stiles said honestly, wrapping his arms around Derek and hugging him tight. The older man was confused but wasn't about to refuse a hug from the younger man. Stiles leaned up and kissed him with all his might, arms tightening around Derek who again was truck speechless and took awhile to respond before whole heartedly kissing back. Soon, it got heated as Derek pryed his tongue into his husbands mouth, Stiles just about resisting the urge to jump and wrap his legs around the taller man's waist. Because he's sure the security guard coming in the morning did not want to witness a couple having sex in the school corridors when he went to check the cameras. Though Stiles still hadn't decided if he cared or not.  
"GROSS!" Came the sudden whine and both men pulled back from eachother to see their son making a sickly face as he stood at the door.  
"Zayd! What are you doing here?" Stiles blushed as Derek cleared his throat with his cheeks just as pink.  
"Erica said you ran off to the bathrooms and I got worried. But apparently you two left to suck face and oh god-!" He dramatically pretended to gag again. "Isn't that illegal at your age?"  
"You're lucky you won tonight. " Derek rolled his eyes before ruffling the boys hair. "Come on. We'll treat you to some pizza or lamb kebabs. Your choice."  
"Yes! Greek food!" The boy cheered before running off to the parking lot. Derek watched then turned to his husband who was hugging his arm with a grin. He doesn't know why Stiles was upset earlier but he was definitely convinced that this time his husband was happier.

They arrived home later that night, the kids already in bed and Derek enjoying a drink with his husband. He was going to leave soon but wanted to speak to Stiles.  
"Seriously what was up with you earlier? Did I do something wrong?" He asked with a frown as Stjles just huffed a laugh and shook his head.  
"I was just thinking some things over. It was paranoia mostly. The last few drops of my doubt in our relationship..."  
"Oh..."  
"Which is why I've come to a decision. " he put his cup down and Derek felt ready for a dangerous blow. Fuck, was Stiles going to ask to separate for good? He thought that kiss meant something good but maybe he was just lonely? Dammit Derek was getting nervous. Stiles reached out and grabbed his hand and Derek'seyes widened as his key, his original house key that he left here the day Stiles kicked him out, was placed in his palm- Derek had been using a spare key the last few month that Stiles gave him just to get in and out the house with the kids. But this, this was HIS key their house.  
"Is this...are you...?"  
"I'm asking you to move back in Derek. Slowly at first!" Stiles said quickly. "Like weekends and staying the nights you have dinner with us. But on those days I want you to sleep in our bed. So what do you think? Do you want to try?" Stiles asked uneasily, bracing for some excuse to hold this off. But Derek just smile widely and nodded, pulling Stiles close and hugging him tightly. Stiles laughed and hugged him back, ignoring the slight feeling of suffocation for a moment.  
"YESSSS!" A cheer was heard and the men stepped back as Derek raised a brow.  
"Netta? Are you listening at the stairs?" He called. There was a long pause.  
"Nope!" With that, little footsteps were heard running up the stairs. 

The two men grinned at eachother as the girls excited squealing was still heard from her room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next 2 chapters maybe the final ones as we head back into the main story. Thank you for all the support,leave kudos and comments, I love reading them and they help me keep writing. thanks for all the support so far!


	50. Second Times the Charm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its Lilys birthday and with Christmas around the corner too, it means their friends and family are coming over again. And for the first time ever, that includes a member of Derek's family.

"Oh look at my baby!" Stiles cooed, dressed Lily up in a filly red dress as Lydia took a picture. She had come over that morning with a bag full of different outfits for Lily to try on for her birthday today. Finally the pair had settled on a red dress for the occasion. "Lets go show your daddy!" Stiles chuckled, picking Lily up who was pulling at the dress trying to take it off. Clearly she wasn't one for getting dressed up. Netta however, was in her room getting ready with Derek. Coincidentally, she had settled on a red dress too and as Lydia and Stiles walked in with her little sister, she squealed excitedly.  
"Lily we match!" She giggled which seemed to calm the pouting baby down a little. Lydia smirked at the two girls before turning to Derek with a frown.  
"Derek."  
"Lydia."  
"You should count yourself Lucky I picked out Lilys outfit for her big day. God knows you would have put her into something ugly like that awful leather jacket of yours."  
"Lily loves me jacket so thats all that matters. She seems to disagree with your god awful taste." Derek shot back, pointing to Lily tugging at the tiara clipped in her hair as Stiles laughed and fixed it for her while his husband and friend bickers.  
"Stop it you two. This day is about Lily. No bloodshed in case it gets on the cake." He smirked at them both before going down with his daughters. Lydia and Derek glared at one another but relented in continuing their squabble so they could join Stiles downstairs.  
They had a quiet party last year, since it was Lilys first and honestly the family was going through a lot so Stiles wasn't really in the partying mood. But now his daughter was more aware of her surrounding and would remember a bit more of this day when she's older. Derek was here this time around too, having no work today. Only Lydia and Jackson would be over today as well as Boyd and Erica. So it wasn't big but Stiles didn't want to overwhelm his daughter. Plus everyone else would be arriving in the next few days for Christmas so Lily would get a few belated birthday gifts then too. Derek had gone out earlier with Zayd to get the birthday cake which Stiles took offence to briefly in jest but appreciated he had less work to do now since he didn't have to bake the cake.

Derek himself...they had been good. Great even. Ever since he's unofficially/officially moved back in, things have flowed more naturally between the members of their family. Zayd had gotten a little closer to the man, Derek not letting up on his previous commitments even if he was home now. He was still playing with Zayd on the weekends and attending his games and on the days the man stayed with them, they would even spend the evening together. Same with Netta, Derek still went to her dance recitals and Stiles has an adorable video where they practiced a slow dance with Netta stood on her daddys feet while he led the dance. The man never stopped fussing and dotting over Lily either whether it was at home or stopping by the daycare. And Stiles? Derek was still consistent with their date nights and couples counselling too- and that was what Stiles was more happy about than anything: Commitment. His husband was constantly keeping up with everything he promised he would do and then them. He was lacking of slowing down with every door Stiles opened for him. They were on their way to feeling whole again and Derek wasn't doing anything that showed he was going to just drop the ball once they got there. Though the one crucial step the couple had yet to go all the way with.....was sex.  
Rani had brought it up in their last couples therapy session so easily that it caught the men by surprise and they were struck speechless.  
"Although you two have clearly reached a level of intimacy that is both spiritual and emotional, which is fantastic you should be proud of yourselves, you are at a point where physical sexual intimacy must also be addressed. Especially since you two have had that element be absent for a long time." The Asian women smirked as they suddenly avoided eye contact with her. Always a joy to watch grown men squirm at the mention of sex. "If its a trouble with insufficiency in the bedroom, I would recommend a consultation with a sex therapist. Plenty of toys and positions to try-"  
"We get the point Dr!" Stiles blurted out desperately, causing the women to nod passively but Stiles would be surprised if she had a good laugh later.

They still had yet to approach the subject after that session, more focused on Lilys birthday. But there was clearly tension there- and it wasn't the usual depressing suffocation kind. Right now though the two men just settled down on the sofa with Lily between them, the little girl clapping her hands happily at little candle in the shape of the number 2 flickering bright. Jackson was taking the video as every sang happy birthday to the girl, their guests of camera as the family on the couch were the only ones present on screen. After the song, Derek brought the cake just a little closer to Lily who blew the flame out, giggling as everyone cheered.  
"Happy birthday baby." Stiles grinned, kissing her cheek as Derek kissed the other side at the same time.  
"Okay okay all very cute. Let's eat now." Jackson said, attempting to act cool about it but Lydia knew damn well Jackson was going to be replaying the video to himself later today just to gush over Lily.  
"You're getting your slice last." Derek told the man as Zayd laughed, helping Lily cut the cake with a butter knife, his hand covering hers and guiding it. "Birthday girl eats first." No one had any argument with that despite Jacksons pout.  
The small party went on then with the kids playing outside with their coats on since it was getting chilly now. The adults talked amongst themselves, Lydia conversing with Stiles as she held a glass of rose wine.  
"Has he been behaving himself?" Lydia asked, pointedly raised a brow at Derek direction as he talked with Boyd and Erica.  
"Just say the word and I'll kick his ass out to the ice curb." Jackson offered with shrug, his arm around his wife's shoulder. Stiles rolled his eyes at the pair fondly.  
"Thanks guys but everythings actually going well....and I want to keep it like that. " he explained, relieved when they relented and left it at that. Derek soon came over and took Stiles hand, excusing them and walking them inside. Stiles raised a brow at his husband who smiled at him.  
"Peters arrived at the airport with his husband and son." The man said and Stiles grinned. He was excited to meet this mysterious man. "I was wondering...do you want to come with me? Just to pick them up and drop them off at the hotel." Derek offered. He didn't want to be gone to be gone too long with it being his daughters birthday even if it was just a small gathering.  
"Really? Would that be alright?" Stiles asked in surprise.  
"Of course. Peters been dying to meet you. I talk about you and the kids none stop when we talk." Derek admitted sheepishly and really, how could Stiles say no to that?  
"Alright. Just let me get my coat and let Lydia know we'll be gone an hour tops." He trusted their friends with his children much more than he did a year ago. Derek smiled and nodded, going back out to say bye to their children and friend before heading out the car and leaving for the airport together.

Stiles was kind of nervous. It was like meeting his husbands parents 20 year too late. Technically it was his uncle but Stiles hadn't met any of the Hales before. He was scared that maybe Peter may not approve of him...  
Derek on the other hand was the completely opposite. He may love his uncle but if he had anything bad to say about Stiles like the rest of his family then the older man would too be cut off like the rest of his family. Though Derek wasn't that worried about that possibility. He held his husbands hand and waited for his uncle to show up.  
"Derek!" Peter called, pushing the familys cart of luggage as Derek smiled brightly at his uncle. Besides the man was a redheaded lean man, seemingly a few inches shorter than Stiles. Next to him and pulling along his own bag was a younger man, Derek presumed Peters son. The two men hugged once they got close and pulled back with a smile. They exchanged some pleasantries and Stiles stook awkwardly to the side until Derek pulled him close.  
"Peter. This is my husband, Stiles." He said, almost proudly and Stiles began to feel a little self conscious but powered through holding his hand out to Peter.  
"Its nice to meet you..." he said as Peter laughed joyously and hugged the man instead. Stiles didn't really know how to react so awkwardly hugged back. Alex chuckled from the side.  
"Peter! Don't be rude, introduce us too!"  
"I haven't forgotten, love." Peter smirked at his husband and stepped back from the brunette. "Derek, Stiles, it's wonderful to see you both. Here is my husband, Alex Hale and our son, Issa." Said boy waved awkwardly and the pair smiled kindly at him. "Hes a selective mute so please don't take offence. " Peter added though would easily defend his son if someone had some sort of problem with him. All five of them made their way out the airport and into the car, headed back to the hotel.  
On the way, as Derek suspected, Stiles and Alex got along great. They began getting into a conversation about all sorts from comic books to exchanging stories about their children growing up. At some point when they stopped for some gas, Peter and Derek returned to the car to find that Stiles had moves from the front to the back to sit besides Alex as they chattered away. Peter just smirked and took the seat at the front. Issa was quiet the whole time, but Peter assured Derek and Stiles that he wasn't angry or upset or anything like that so they left to the boy to himself. They arrived at the hotel and exchanged some phone numbers between each other. Derek helped Alex bring some of their things up to the room while Peter and Stiles were tasked with u packing the things they brought up.  
"Its nice to finally meet the man who saved my nephew from a sick environment. " Peter commented into the silence which probably wasn't the greatest conversation starter but Stiles didn't mind. He liked hearing the genuine gratitude in the man's voice. "Even if he apparently fucked it all up." Peter shook his head. The younger man bit his lip.  
"It's....we're getting better." Stiles decided on calmly.  
"Yes well, if he tries anything like that again let me know. I'll give him a demonstration of the treatment I got when homeless." The evil smirk on the man's face made Stiles laugh as he hung up some clothes in the room closet.  
"That must have been hard for you by the way. Living that for so long..."  
"The past is past." Peter said easily, having come to terms with his experience years ago. "It makes me appreciate the good things I have and to not take them for granted. Besides sometimes you have to go through the worst of things before you're truly happy. You know the whole calm before the storm shit." Peter shook his head at the sentiment but it was true. If he didn't go through what he did, he might never have found someone as amazing as Alex or ever had a son quite like Issa. And in many ways he thinks that if Stiles and Derek didn't go through what they did, maybe the would never have acknowledged the problems in their relationship they didn't know where there. Still, Peter wasn't about to thank his so called family for stabbing him in the back and he certainly didn't expect Stiles to thank whatever side piece Derek cheated on Stiles with.  
The brunette smiled softly at Peter and nodded, understanding what he was saying. Its kind of how he felt with his relationship with Derek. Said man walked in then with Alex and the last of their stuff. Stiles smiled, walked over to kiss the man in the cheek. Derek tilted his head a moment as he placed the luggage down.  
"What was that for?"  
"Nothing just...Happy." Stiles sighed out dreamily, the older man wrapping his arms around his husband- just holding him. Alex raised a knowing brow at Peter who just shrugged and kissed the redheads cheek.  
"Tired, love?"  
"Mmmm...I am. But you're not coming to this bed until your nephew and his wonderful husband leaves." Peter was about to ask why but after the suggestive wink that followed with Alex's statement, Peter soon enough ushered Derek and Stiles out with a quick promise to meet them for dinner in a few days. The pair didn't even need to guess what the man had planned.  
Thank goodness Issa was in a different room in the hotel. Derek understand why the boy booked on on a completely different floor.

"That was nice." Stiles commented as they got back to the house. He actually enjoyed meeting Peter Hale and kind of wished he had met him early. The man had this air of humbleness and cockiness about him that Derek assured was just Peters default setting. Even through all that,Stiles could tell the man was good for Derek and he was more secure in the knowledge that his husband had someone to turn to if for whatever reason he couldn't talk to Stiles.  
"It was until he kicked us out for some ass." Derek scoffed and Stiles grinned at Derek, laughing softly with his husband as they gave each other a side glance. They both felt it, the tension, it had been building up for weeks after nearly a month of sleeping in the same bed together. Derek thought back to Rani talking about a sex therapist and he resented that. He may be in his mid 40s but Derek Stilinski-Hale did not need help in bed. But like everything else, he didn't want to push Stiles if he wasn't on the same page yet. They shared some heated kisses, of definitely, but sex was different from making out like teenagers. Especially given the nature of the affair, he didn't want Stiles to think that he was only doing all this as some elaborate means of getting him in bed. But his husband had other ideas.  
A few hours later, their guests left the house after some quickly good byes and some early Merry Christmas sentiments. Lily was all tuckered out from the fun and had to be put down for a nap. Zayd was up in the tree house relaxing with a comicbook from being around kids all day. And Netta had left with Erica and Boyd to save a sleepover to Saffron which Stiles happily allowed even with her daddy pouting behind him.  
"You didn't have to send Netta to Boyd's..."  
"Oh stop it. You said the same thing when she went started kindergarten. " Stiles smirked at Derek as he huffed. They got to clearing up the plates and a taking down the birthday banner finishing up in about 20 minutes. Stiles then headed upstairs to check on Lily while Derek checked on Zayd outside. Once the boy told his dad that he planned to stay out there for an hour or so, Derek left him with a plate of sandwiches left from the party and headed back inside. He checked Lilys room and found Stiles wasn't there anymore so headed for their bedroom.  
"Stiles do you- Shit sorry!" The door was left open and Derek walked in to find his husband getting naked, presumably to change out his dress shirt and jeans into something more comfortable. Derek went to quickly shut the door only for Stiles to stop it, only in his boxers.  
"And where do you think you're going?" He asked casually as Derek spluttered.  
"I...you...I mean- You're getting changed."  
"And? You've seen me naked before Derek." Reaching out, he gripped Derek's wrist and pulled him into the bedroom, shutting and locking the door. Derek allowed himself to be sat in the bed as Stiles straddled his hips and oh god the man thinks his mind is broken because Stiles looks both innocent and devilish as he stares at him.  
"Stiles? Explain...Please..." and soon because Derek doesn't think his pants will be able to contain his 'excitement'.  
"I'm only acting on our good doctors advice." Stiles pouted, casually getting of Derek thighs and placing his hands on the man's knees to open this legs up enough for Stiles to settle between them. "Though if its alright with you, I want to start slow. Just a blowjob for now?" He looked up at Derek, waiting for his consent. Because Stiles was more than ready after a long ass dry spell. But if Derek wasn't ready then Stiles wouldn't take offence. This was about both of them after all.  
"Whatever you want, Stiles." Came his breathy response. " Just anything...as long as it you I don't care." He told him earnestly, taking a hand through Stiles hair. There were times when he missed the buzz cut he sported as a teenager, but then they'd have sex and Derek was reminded of the easy moans he could drag out his husband when he pulled his hair.  
Said husband smirked and nodded, pulling at Derek's pants which the older man kindly lifted his hips enough for him to take down enough to reveal black boxers. Excitement and nervousness grew in Stiles stomach as his slender finger pulled back the material and Derek's cock practically sprung free, already at full mast. His husband was both a shower and grower, it was long and thick even when soft but when he was erect it was a whole different story. Stiles was certain that starting with a blowjob for today was the right decision. Speaking off, he almost forgot where to start but he knew Derek and he knew what he liked. He starts with gentle kisses and licks at the end of Derek's cock, the man already tensing up under him. Clearly Stiles remembers how to do foreplay right.  
Then he went lower, dragging his tongue down the the underside of the head - the frenulum - where Derek was the most sensitive. Stiles smirked as he earned himself a groan from the man, trying to hold back and not lose himself so easily. He found a rhythm around the tip for awhile, moving his head up to engulf the head of Derek's cock for a few moments before flicking hs to guess back to focus on the sensitive spot just under. Soon Stiles kissed down the rest of his husbands dick to his balls, Derek shivering at the new movement.  
"Fuck baby..." He wanted to reach out but he also knew what Stiles liked, when he wanted Deek in control and when he didn't. And Right now, Stiles wanted the control. The brunette pulled back with a small hum, licking enthusiastically at both sides on the thick cock before him before getting his hands involved. He knew Derek liked a bit of a show and blinked at him innocently as he twisted his fists up and down his cock. The man above him grunted and clenched his fists against the bed sheets. Derek gripped his now wet dick and smacked it gently against Stiles cheeks and his opened mouth. "Keep going." He said, a slight edge to his voice that made Stiles fucking weak. They hadn't delved into dom or sub space between them for a long time and that was definitely something to come back to later. Stiles got with the programme and took Derek into his mouth completely, taking as much as he could to push his limits. Stiles had a very weak gag reflex even when they first had sex all those years ago but he always able to do a few tricks to make things tighter. Like now, he sucked in his cheeks as Derek moaned at the vacuum it created. Stiles began moving his head back and forth, a times popping off Derek's dick completely before taking it all down again. Almost instinctively, the brunette perched in his hands, hips up as he was basically on his hands and knees at this point. As expected and how Stiles wanted, Derek's hips began to thrust forward, forcing his cock deeper down his husbands throat who moaned in delight at the sensation. Derek's left hand gripped his hair tightly, earning himself another loud moan at the rougher treatment.  
"Doing so good baby...you know you take my cock well don't you?" He praised, voice heavy and slightly broken. Stiles attempted to gasp as he was suddenly pulled off and gently placed back on Derek's lap. The man slipped Stiles underwear down and groped his ass, Stiles letting out a desperate whine as he gripped his husbands shoulders. Derek stuck two fingers into Stiles open mouth, letting his suck on them. "I'm going to fuck you on my fingers while you use your hands to get us both off. You can do that right? Make us both feel good." He whispered against Stiles ears, who nodded eagerly as he liked over the man's fingers. Derek then removed said fingers and reach behind Stiles to prod at his asshole, slipping one in. Stiles gasped and almost forgot his instructions when Derek leaned back enough to show their cocks straining and desperate to come. Reaching down, Stiles gripped them both in his hands and began to feel pleasure from both ends as Derek had apparently worked both his fingers in and was thrusting them in and out in time with Stiles fist movements.  
"D-Derek! Oh fuck!" He didn't know what to think or feel he just knew it all felt good after so long! Derek rushed forward and kissing his husband hard, Stiles moaning into his mouth and whimpering as he drew close to an orgasm. Derek felt Stiles tighten up around his fingers and knew they would be soon be close and just tried to get as deep as he could with his fingers.  
Soon, they both came with their cum on Stiles chest and abs and Derek's shirts.

They cleaned up, both taking turns in the shower before settling on the bed in clean clothes. Derek wrapped his arms around Stiles and the man Cuddled close to the shirtless man while Stiles was in some comfy sweats.  
"Well that was....something. " Stiles laughed as Derek rolled his eyes.  
"Always the charmer."  
"Wouls you rather a joke?" Stiles countered and Derek groaned at the memory of some terrible sex pun Stiles made when they first had sex. He doesn't remember what it even was, just that it was terrible.  
"You're horrible."  
"You love me though." Came Stiles response, pausing in his movement of tracing circles on Derek's chest with his finger. He blinked up at Derek. "Right?"  
"I love you more than anything in this word. Well not true-" he continued before Stiles got panicked. "You have to share a spot with Zayd,Netta and Lily." He grinned as Stiles relaxed with a playfully smile.  
"They deserve their own spot." He said and Derek agreed.

They stayed like that for a while, just talking in bed until Zayd came back into the house and didn't even ask why their bedroom door was locked. 

He didn't wanna know. Zayd likes to pretend both his have nothing but Ken doll situations going on down there. It helps keep his mind at ease

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS WAS THE LAST FILLER. I PROMISE.  
> It didn't start off as one, genuinely I was writing the beginning of the penultimate chapter but realised I hated it and so this is what u guys got instead. I'm rewriting what I was originally writing so please forgive me.  
> Hope you enjoyed though, I deleted one rude comment the previous chapter, thought we were over this but apparently not.
> 
> Leave comments and kudos, let me know what you think. I can't write smut well, I feel like a cringy 12 year old who just discovered tumble or something so if u hated the smut, me too sis.  
> As always ur comments motivate me to write so keep em coming and thanks for all the support!


	51. Finale Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's new years eve and stiles is understandably a little on edge and nervous. Derek sends him away for some self love while he handles the prep for the evening and ties up a few loose ends.

Derek awoke New Years eve morning alone in bed, Stiles side of the bed empty but still warm meaning he must have gotten up not long ago. The whole family had been attempting to sleep off the Christmas celebrations earlier this week. Their friend and family all flew in or drove a few hours to come over and celebrate. However, Derek knew that their friends and family would all still have very strong feelings towards him an what happened- especially Scott. So not wanting to overwhelm his husband or make him have to choose between his loyal friends and cheating husband, they came to a compromise:  
Derek would spend Christmas eve with his family, Peter and Alex coming over as planned (Issa and Zayd hit it off instantly) and then the following day on Christmas day, Derek would leave with Peter and Alex to spend Christmas with them at the hotel and go out for dinner while Stiles enjoyed a tension free evening with his dad and friend and their children. Derek didn't leave completely of course, Christmas morning while Stiles slept off a sore ass that was completely Derek's fault (not that he cared), Derek took the kids out to the park to play in the snow and go ice skating before he dropped them back home with the promise of returning later that evening. It wasn't the most perfect arrangement but the kids weren't too upset since Derek had already spent the previous day with them and still came home in the evening to watch a Christmas movie before they went to bed- a huge improvement from the Christmas he missed all together last year. Hopefully next year, Derek would be able to spend the holidays with his family in peace. As long as he didn't fuck up anymore.

Speaking of fucking up, it brought Derek to now where he sat up in bed and notice his husband starring at himself in the full length mirror in the corner of their room, looking at himself from all angles that Derek thought were all sexy. Stiles clearly thought differently as Derek saw the doubt in his eyes as he wondered over his own body. Getting up, the older man made his way over to Stiles and wrapped his arms around him from behind, drawing a surprised gasp from the brunette who relaxed back against Derek's broad chest. Said man kissed his neck good morning and hummed gently.  
"You're a gorgeous sight to wake up to." He praised, wanting Stiles to understand how amazing and attracted to him Derek was.  
"Am I?" Stiles questioned back, sighing and shaking his head. Derek frowned and took a step back, letting Stiles turn around to face him and he looked almost guilty and sad at the same time. "I'm sorry it's just...with it being new years eve and all...should I expect any surprises when midnight hits?"  
"Only a kiss." Derek said, trying to lighten to mood to no avail but that was his own fault. "Stiles, I get your hesitation. I feel like shit knowing I put that there but you shouldn't feel bad for questioning me." It was similar to that time back when it was Derek's 'anniversary' with Luke, marking the start to their affair. It was a bitter and tense moment and today might be the same since now the annual celebration of a new year would now be tainted with the memory of what Derek did and who with. How he humiliated their whole family and completely destroyed their already crumbling relationship. He can't take that night back but he can try to win Stiles trust back and full transparency is the way to do it. Stiles sighed.  
"I'm sorry, I know we've come a long way and you haven't done anything to give me any indication that you're running out on me again but..."  
"No I get it Stiles. I understand." He said earnestly, grabbing his husbands hands in his. "There is one surprise planned for later this evening," Really it was Scott and Lydia's idea and Derek was just helping execute it. "If you really don't want a surprise today of all days that's fine, I can tell you what we have planned and if you want me to cancel it then I'll call Scott and tell him it's off. No questions asked." And Derek would, even if arrangement were made he would set it all aflame if Stiles just said it. The brunette shook his head with a humourless laugh.  
"No no it's fine! I don't want to ruin Scott's efforts..." He sighed, biting his lip and looking to the side. "Today really isn't starting out too great huh..."  
"No it it isn't, but that's fine! It'll get better!" Derek really didn't want Stiles feeling like shit, especially about himself. "Listen..as part of your surprise, Lydia wants to take you for a day of pampering. She's arranged for a private spa suite and everything. When you get back we can have the celebration you deserve with our friends and family."  
"I can't ask Lydia to pay for all that!" Stiles cried incredulously.  
"She didn't. I did." When Lydia proposed the plan she demanded Derek paid for it all. A few hundred dollars but it would be worth it if it would cheer Stiles up and make him see himself as Derek sees him. They had arranged this weeks ago because Derek anticipated that Stiles may feel upset today given what it signifies personally for their family. Although, Derek wouldn't be surprised if Lydia spent good chunk of his money on herself just to spite him. The bitch. But it was for Stiles in the end so he would allow it this time. Stiles who was currently looking at Derek with a look of hesitation.  
"I...alright. I guess it would be fun. And I could use a back rub..." He grinned a little as Derek peppered his face with kisses, glad his husband was indulging in treating himself.  
"Great. You go enjoy your day while I handle the kids and preparations here. Scott will be over soon with Issac and Danny. You can call and check up on me anytime you want. Don't hesitate or feel bad about it you understand me?" Derek put himself in this situation and dammit, he was going to prove he had changed and his family could trust him again and that he was worthy of their love. Hopefully. That was the plan anyway. Stiles sighed and nodded, finally agreeing and hugging his husband before looking up and raising a brow at him .  
"You sure you can handle this?"  
"I promise. Everything will be fine."

Stiles left an hour later, Lydia picking him up in her car. She spent the time flipping Derek off while Stiles just waved by to his kids, Lily in her daddys arms and screaming bye bye as loud as she could while Netta blew kisses in a way that meant her arms flung out wide. Zayd just waved. After the white sports car was out of sight, Derek got the kids started on their chores. The first step was to clean the house from top to bottom and so everyone had a job. Even Lily now that she could walk was in charge of putting her toys away. Which ended in her just playing with said toys and Derek decided to just leave the little girl to it. Zayd, being the second best cook in the house (Derek was way low down on the rating there), was in charge of food for the party. Which left Derek to vacuum and clean the rest of the house while Netta was in her room tidying up. Derek came upstairs to check on her after he had finished downstairs and found his little girl on a newly done up bed with a piece of paper in her hands.  
"What you looking at Princess?" Derek asked, taking a seat on the bed besides the little girl. Netta handed the paper to her daddy and smiled.  
"I drew our family daddy! See? We're together again!" Derek was slightly stunned as he studied the picture. There they all were; Zayd in blue crayon with what Derek presumed were his earphones squiggling out his head, Lily sat in what Derek hoped was a pile of mud and Stiles holding the strangest cake Derek had every seen. Then of course there was Netta in her big yellow crayon tiara in the arms of a stick man with big circles linked together for arms.  
"Is that me?" Derek chuckled, pointing to the red stickman and Netta nodded with a smirk.  
"Yeah! See you have you big muscles daddy! And there's Papa and big brother..." The man listened with interest as Netta pointed out what everyone was doing in the picture, laughing when Netta explained that the house was coloured in pink because it was made of cotton candy.  
"Won't that get sticky?" Derek mused as Netta scoffed.  
"It's magic! Duh daddy!" Netta exclaimed as if it was obvious. Derek laughed and wrapped an arm around he girl, bringing her close. He can't believe he missed out having more moments like this with her, missing her creative babble and the things that came out of her busy mind.  
"Daddy...?" Netta called out after a moments of quiet, looking up at her dad. "Is Papa still angry at you?"  
"Not anymore...A little but daddy did a bad thing. It'll take a long time for Papa to forgive me fully."  
"Do you still love Papa? Does Papa love you?"  
"I love you all so much Netta." Derek sighed out, hating that he even had to talk like this at all to his innocent daughter. "I'm sorry daddy left you all alone for so long. But I'm here now. And I'm not going anywhere."  
"Then why can't you come home? I want you here everyday! I don't Saffron to have my daddy! I'm you're princess!" She began to get teary and Derek quickly hugged the girl close, laying her head against his shoulder and allowing her to cry against it. "I want us all to be together again like my picture...!" She whimpered and was just crying down. Derek hushed her gently, holding back his own tears so he didn't set her off longer. After a few minutes of running his hand down her back and whispering sweet nothings into her ear, he at her down back in front of him. Cupping her face, he thumbed away at a few stray tears as she calmed down.  
"I love you so much Netta. No one else is my little princess accept you. Papa and I both love you and that's not going to change no matter what happens. I'm always going to be here for you. I promise."  
"You have to pinky swear!" The little girl huffed, holding her pinky finger up. Derek smiled and although a small gesture, he knew it meant a lot to the young girl as her face lit up when he joined his larger finger with hers, swearing by his words. Netta crawled back over to her daddy and hugged him right. "Please don't go..." She whispered and Derek knew exactly what to say back as he held her.  
"I'll eat you up, I love you so." Maybe tonight they would read where the Wild Things Are Again.

Netta had tidied her room and Derek also found she had done Zayds too. Which he would be worried about if Zayd was a normal typical teen but apparently the boy had no dirty magazines or hidden beer in his room so Derek was fine. Besides everyone watched porn online now. So leaving Netta to pay with Lily in the living room, with a small note to try and keep the mess to a minimum especially when it came to the lego blocks, he headed to the kitchen to check on Zayd. Watching his son cook from the archway, Derek was reminded of how much Zayd looked like Derek. From his strong structure to his jawline and his air, even his fashion taste, the boy was practically a mini Derek as Stiles had loved to point when their son was younger and he would attach himself to Derek's side. Now the little boy who looked up to his daddy like he hung the stars was now 15, had hated him for nearly a year and only recently in the last few months was beginning to talk to him again. All because of Derek.  
"Need any help son?" Derek called out, the boy pausing in stirring whatever it was (it smelt amazing though) and glancing at his father, thinking for a moment.  
"Don't think so...But I wouldn't mind the company..." He said pointedly, as if he didn't care. Derek took the seat at the kitchen counter anyway as Zayd walked around the room. Stiles wasn't the only one nervous about this day, the whole family was feeling the tension one way or another and Derek had no doubt Zayd was probably waiting for the other shoe to drop and Derek to fuck up New Years Eve again. Derek kind of doubted himself too. He didn't have another mistress to bring back, definitely not. But Derek had made a few decision through the process of getting better which he thought were good but were apparently bad and just made things worse. He hoped he made the right calls tonight and everything just went smoothly. The man really didn't want to make a mistake today of all days. Zayd was quiet for awhile then turned to Derek as he placed something in the oven.  
"So...Did papa leave this morning because of you?" He asked and Derek frowned with a nod.  
"I..Yes and No. Your aunt and I arranged this for your Papa to treat himself because I know today would be tensed for him. But I think that even if we didn't have this planned, he would have left regardless. One way or another."  
"Your fault." Zayd reminded as he rolled out some pastry.  
"I know..."  
"Papa think's he's not good enough in a lot of way cause of you."  
"You're right."  
"You're both fucking idiots." Zayd said casually and Derek looked at him a little shock. "None of this would have happened if you both listened to the doctors, opened your goddamn mouths and got help earlier. But nope- you went and skipped out on us and Papa lost his shit." Zayd spoke so evenly and calmly as he cooked. "Don't get me wrong, what you did was way worse and Papa deserves better than what you put him through. But...I get that there were mistakes everywhere." Earlier Zayd was 100% against his father and wanted nothing to do with him. But all that did was hurt himself and his Papa, who explained to Zayd that Stiles wasn't completely blameless when it comes to problems in their relationship. The cheating was ALL his dad's fault but beyond and prior to that the young man understand there were problems all around. Derek listened to Zayd and couldn't help but smile before chuckle to himself. Zayd raised a brow, confused.  
"I'm so proud of you." Derek said outside, the boys turn now to be shocked and no less confused. "I am so proud of the kind of man you are turning out to be Zayd. Much more of a man then I ever was at your age and could even hope to be now. You have taken on so much and supported your Pa and sisters and I couldn't be prouder. And I know, I know it might not mean a lot coming from me after how often I've failed you. But I need you to know that I love you, no matter how mad at me you get or how much you can't stand being in the same room as me- I will always be proud to call you my son and always love you." Derek wasn't even surprised when Zayd made his way around the counter and punched Derek right in the face. It was long, way too long, overdue.  
"Asshole!" He cried and what caught Derek off guard was the hug the teenager suddenly engulfed him in. "I fucking missed you. I needed you, Pa needed you, my sisters...You can't do that shit again. I'm not as strong as you think, I need you AND Papa do you can't just...leave again...Please..." Derek held his son close, similar to how he just let Netta cry against him because Zayd,as much as he's strong and mature for his age and taken on much more than he should have, he's still a kid. A 15 year old kid trying to work out his feelings and still remain strong. Carrying the burden of having all the answers when that was Derek's responsibility. Not his sons.  
"I love you." The man repeated, knowing his son needed to hear it after missing out on it for so long. "And I am so fucking proud of you." They stayed like that for awhile until Zayd smelt something burning.

Scott came over soon after, Danny and Issac coming along to work on the light fixtures while Derek and his husband's best friend worked on setting up the tables and such. It had snowed lightly during the night which was perfect because it meant they would save the fake snow and that the set up was more authentic. Scott barely communicated to Derek when he walked in and tired to work on opposite ends of the garden to him. They hadn't spoke much at all the past year but Derek knew that the man had gone back to square one about his opinion Derek. That he was no good for Stiles and that the man deserved better. And deep down, Derek knew he was right. As much as he wants to be with his family and make things right, as much as he would take a separation and divorce papers if that's what truly made Stiles and the kids happy, there was that selfish desire to win back Stiles love. And Derek knew that damn well, he knew it was selfish and desperate after what he did. And there were plenty of nights where he knew he would never be good enough for Stiles, if he ever even was. Because how could he claim to love a man he hurt so deeply?  
"I won't be leaving tonight by the way." Derek told Scott suddenly as he readjusted his gloves. "I'll be staying for the celebrations tonight." He wouldn't leave like he did for Christmas. He needed to spend tonight with his family. Today of all days.  
"I never said you couldn't." Scott muttered back. "You didn't have to leave during Christmas either. But I guess that's what you're good at."  
"I was trying to be considerate." Derek said, ignoring the end remark. "You telling me you wouldn't have spent the whole time keeping Stiles away from me or giving me glares across the room?" He took Scott's silence as an answer. "It was better I left so you could all enjoy the day without me distracting you."  
"You really overestimate your impact on my life." Scott glared, turning around angrily. Issac watched from the side worriedly.  
"Scott don't..."  
"No! He clearly wants to talk, so let's talk!" Scott practically growled out. "Stiles deserves so much better than you. But because he's too good for his own good and cares about these kids more than himself, he's been working damn hard to give you another chance. What the fuck have you done? Nothing!" he yelled, Danny gripping his boyfriends arm so he didn't get involved. The pair just watched. "You just sat there like a fucking dog taking every bone Stiles threw at you as if you deserved it. You didn't and still don't! You think putting on this little show will fix everything you did? Fuck you Derek-"  
"That's not fucking fair-!"  
"Enough!" All four men turned to see the former Sheriff John Stilinski at the door. Both Derek and Scott unconsciously took a step away from each other. Derek was especially surprised since he didn't expect the man to be here just yet. The elderly man stepped forward proudly between the two men. "Scott." His voice boomed and Scott turned his head down, ashamed of his behaviour in front of the man.  
"Sir I..."  
"No." John cut him off with a sigh. "I know you care about my son Scott. I know it's hard to have seen him go through what he has the past 2 years. From Lily to Derek cheating. " He said gently, voice less angry and more understanding but no less firm. "But this is between Derek and Stiles. The best we can do is support Stiles' decision, whatever that may be. But i understand you anger." He turned to Derek then who also averted his gaze. "And you, Derek Hale. You're not an idiot- you know that things could have been much worse for you if Stiles wasn't the man he is. I think he should have done much more to you then you kick you out and ignore you for months. Scott is correct, he had thrown you a lot of opportunities and chances." He looked between the two men and shook his head. "If you two really need to hash this out then you will sit down and discuss this calmly like adults. Is that understood?"  
"Yes sir..." They said and Derek led Scott to the garage. Private since the children were in the house and their friends were working out in the garden.

"Beer?" Derek offered, opening up the cooler. Scott shrugged and accepted the bottle offered to him, twisting off the cap and taking a big swing. Derek doing the same.  
"You're a dick." Scott started right off the bat. "I knew it the moment I met you. What 21 year old college guy actually dates a 16 year old? Stiles had a shit time in high school I get it, but he would have been fine in college. People weren't dicks and he made friends. People like him and wanted to date him yet there you were, the only person on Stiles mind." It was an old argument the two men have had before, how Derek 'robbed' Stiles of experiences he could have had. Instead he went to college married. Scott sighed, chest feeling heavy. "I know it's not all your fault okay? Stiles was the one who proposed but you didn't have to say yes-"  
"I didn't." Derek huffed a laugh, humourless. The man leaning against his car squinted at him. "We got into a fight, lasted hours. I wanted to say yes, did eventually obviously. But I argued all the things you did, that Stiles had his whole life left, had college to experience. 5 years difference isn't a lot now at our age but it is when you think about when we started dating how how much I had done by then compared to Stiles."  
"So why did you end up saying yes?"  
"Because in the end, I was making the decision for Stiles. And marrying me is what really he wanted and the stubborn bastard couldn't be talked out of it. So we hoped in the car and headed to the courthouse." He said with a shrug. "I honestly thought he was going to divorce me at some point You know? Maybe being married finally hitting him college after he meets the one and then slams some papers my way and I'm just a story he tells people when he wants to laugh at being a dumb kid. So I just selfishly decided to enjoy the fact this wonderful man wanted me no matter how short lived it was. " He gave them a few weeks tops, then weeks turned into months, then Stiles went to college and they were still married and that time turned into years. 5 years, 10 years and before Derek knew it, here they were at now 24 years of marriage and Stiles was still here. Scott listened and bit his lip. The narrative in his head being changed once more as it did all those years ago.  
"If you love him so much then you wouldn't have done what you did."  
"You're right." Derek breathed out. "Maybe you'll get your wish yet Scott. Just a few decades late..." He placed the barely touched bottle of beer down and sighed as he got up.  
"I called Stiles dad on you once." Scott said suddenly, stopping Derek in his tracks as he whipped his head around to the man who took another sip of beer. "I told him you had beaten Stiles up and threatened to kill him if he told anyone what you did."  
"Are you fucking serious!?" Derek glared as his husband's frriend scoffed.  
"Yep. I was like 17 I think, Stiles and I had gotten into a fight about your relationship and I didn't know what to think. Just hated you and wanted to get you in trouble." He shook his head at the memory of the clumsy story he told the Sheriff who didn't believe him for one second. "Certainly didn't help my relationship with Stiles."  
"Why do you hate me so much Scott?" Derek asked finally, something he probably should have asked years ago. Even when the man was 'okay' with their relationship he always had this air about him like he was waiting for Derek to fuck up. To be proven right.  
"I don't know...I guess at the start it was concern...then pettiness...and now anger. At you and myself..." He said and that interested Derek. "I feel like I could have stopped this somehow. I should have paid more attention to my friend in high school instead of going off with the jocks, maybe then he would have met someone his age. But I didn't. I should have moved out here with you guys, kept an eye on things and helped out better with Lily. But instead I was half way across the country. I could have done a lot of things that made Stiles not be in the position he is now." And Derek understood that. That burden and responsibility to be reliable for the people you love. He sat back down by the man.  
"I'm sorry." He said, for the 100th time that day it seemed but he never said it meaninglessly. "I know it might not be enough but I'm sorry I let your best friend down. In so many ways beyond the cheating. I'm sorry I took his childhood away."  
"I'm not. Not complete despite what I said. I was being a bad friend, waiting and expecting you to mess up. When in reality, Stiles was at his happiest with you." Scott shrugged, knocking his shoulder against Derek's with a sad smile. "For his sake...I hope you can prove me wrong again. Like you have been doing for years. I hope you can go back to the man that grounded my friend and made him happy even thought I doubted it." He clamped a hand on Derek's shoulder briefly before walking off. He paused at the garage door. "I was wrong by the way. Not fully, I still think Stiles should have been more difficult on you. But I know you've worked hard to make things right. Just...keep going."  
Scott McCall walked out then. He would always love Stiles and be protective of his best friend. He would always be judgemental and have opinions on his life- but Stiles life wasn't his life. It was his, and Scott's job was to support him in whatever he chose to do. If he wanted to give Derek a second chance then Scott needed to suck up his pride and give Derek the benefit of the doubt.  
And plan the perfect murder just in case Derek does fuck up again.

Around 9pm, Stiles returns home with Lydia. He had an amazing day and it almost made him forget the possible shit storm awaiting him inside. He focused on the new suit Lydia for some reason told him to wear while she was in an evening gown too. A red body fitted mermaid gown and both of them had their hair and make up done- the make up mostly for Lydia.  
"You ready for the best evening of your life?" She giggled as Stiles rolled his eyes at her fondly.  
"Oh I'm sure I'm not..." He said but let her drag him inside anyway. The living room lights were off same with the kitchen. Stiles raised a brow at Lydia held his hand and followed him out the bright lights in the garden. They were going outside? But wasn't there snow-

He froze just on the edge of the patio as the scene before him came into view. There were bright fairy lights hung around the garden. Tables set up with freshly cooked food and bakes good, even a chocolate fountain. The night sky was also a lit with stars making every perfect and tying it all together. There were lanterns on the other tables set up lit dimly and beautifully and Stiles didn't know what to think. All his friend and family were here to, dressed up just as fancy. Even the children! Netta was in a dark green ballgown like a real princess while Lily was dressed in a cute black dress with capped sleeves. Everyone looked at him expectantly and Stiles barely got the words out.  
"How- I...what is all this?" He was so close to crying tears of joy. Scott smiled gently and stepped forward from the small crowd of friends.  
"You didn't come to prom because you didn't want to go without Derek. So we decided to redo prom here just for you. It was a winter wonderland theme and everything just seemed to line up just right."  
"We hope you like this son." The sheriff smile, Zayd coming forward with his sisters towards their dad. Stiles actually began to cry joyously then and hugged them close, kissing each one of them on the cheek.  
"Thank you all so much!" He smiled tearfully, wiping away his tears and signalling for Danny to just start the damn music already. It was the exact same playlist from Prom.  
"Where's Derek?" Stiles asked Erica and Boyd 40 minutes into the party. He thought maybe Derek was doing something but time had passed and the man still hadn't shown up. Erica frowned slightly and cleared her throat.  
"He um..." She sighed and Boyd decided to just explain himself.  
"Stiles...Derek isn't coming. He's inside sat in Lily room since it's the furthest from the garden." He said simply and Stiles was getting worried. "He knows what today meant for you so he wanted you to have good memories in your own garden on this night rather than the memory what he did. So he called Scott and Lydia up, asked for their advice and help. They came up with his and he just paid for everything and set it up. But he never planned to show up because he considers himself part of the memory you're trying to forget. He didn't want to ruin this night for you." Boyd feels like that wasn't the whole story, especially after he arrived and learnt of the argument Derek and Scott had but thought best not to mention it since he didn't have all the information. Stiles shook his head, thinking about his idiot husband and marched of inside while every parties.  
Scott watched from his place sat besides Allison and their daughter while Stiles went inside. He frowned, but did nothing to stop his friend. Giving the couple his silent blessing.

Derek sat alone in the dark room of Lily's bedroom, looking at the room he had avoided when his miracle baby was born. Now he never wants to leave it because after tonight, who knows if he'll ever see it again. He was taken out his thoughts when he heard someone rush up the stairs and stood quickly when Stiles appeared in the door way.  
"Stiles-"  
"You bastard." He spoke softly, stepping in carefully with a frown. "Why aren't you outside? You organised all this."  
"I didn't want to ruin your evening." Derek tried to smile but just dropped his gaze to the floor. "You didn't go prom because of me. I know you don't think it but you lost out on so much because you dedicated yourself to me. And I've fucked that all up, the sacrifices you made, our children, all of it I fucked it up and-"  
"Shut up." Stiles said firmly, stepping forward to his husband with determination. "I am sick of hearing from you and everyone else how you 'ruined' me because of when we started dating. You didn't 'ruin' me understand!? We got married and I have had the happiest times of my life because I married you. So don't fucking try and bring up these bullshit excuses I told you were just that years ago: bullshit." He said indefinitely, reaching up and cupping his husband's face sadly. "I didn't go to prom because you weren't going to be there. So if you're trying to make this the re do 'perfect prom night' for me, then please just...come outside." He reached down and held Derek's large hands in his. "Please...come outside and dance with me."  
And Derek did. And even though he knew there were eyes on him the whole time, knew that their friends were judging them, he also knew there friends in support of them. And although appreciated, it didn't matter because Derek only had eyes for Stiles and focused on his as he placed his hands on Stiles waist and held him close as they slow danced, foreheads against the other and practically sharing the same air.  
"I had a nice day with Lydia today." Stiles spoke, keeping Derek's attention on him.  
"Yeah?"  
"Yeah." He closed his eyes, trusting Derek to lead the dance. "I got pampered, we had a coffee, I got a mud facial...Thank you for doing that for me."  
"I just wanted you to be relaxed today. You've been through so much."  
"WE'VE been through so much." Stiles emphasised and could see the hesitation in Derek's face. "Please don't look like that."  
"You should have done much worse to me then you did."  
"Who said that? My dad? Scott?" He knew that silence was a clear yes. "They can have their say all they want. But you wanna know what I think? Do you even care?"  
"I always care about you." Derek answered and Stiles nodded firmly.  
"Then here's the way I see what we've been through this year. You cheated. You had an affair. Whatever you want to call it. And I hated you. If it wasn't for our kids I would have divorced you right then and there that night." He watched his husband nod, clearly aware of these facts. "But that wasn't the situation we found ourselves in so I kicked you out so I can have some space. You gave me my space. Then you show up at my door late one night after you show up to Zayd game and convince me to get therapy. Then you got therapy. And it's the best thing to have happened to us." Stiles moved to hold Derek's face in his, as if scared he would run away. "We had so many problems before the cheating...we were both afraid and lost and I didn't know what to do. Neither did you. We dealt with things and talked about things we should have done months ago. Years ago. And I learnt things about myself and us...and I think you did too. I wish it didn't take you cheating for us to to get to this point, for us to finally acknowledge our problems and talk when we should have been each others first point of support. But whats done is done and as shitty as the situation was...I'm glad we didn't crumble." He turned Derek's head to the side to face Erica and Boyd cooing at Saffron as well as Peter dancing with Alex . "You learnt you have people who care about you and you opened up to them. Reached out. You made healthy connections. Learnt that you didn't need to feel any burden or suffer alone. You got a new job that made sure you had time for our family. Don't sell the effort and hard word you've done short Derek."

"You're much to kind to me Stiles." Derek spoke gently, taking Stiles hand from his face and kissing his knuckles. "Everyone is right when they say I've had this whole thing easy because I have. Because you don't have vindictive bone in your body." Stiles didn't key his car, he didn't get revenge sex when he had the chance, he didn't try and ruin Derek's career (Derek did that himself and gladly). He took a step back and took time to think. The next time he and Stiles talked, he let all the energy out and brought up joint therapy because he knew Derek needed help as much as Stiles and didn't want to leave the man behind. "You talk about being lost and afraid but when I gave up, you were still pushing for our kids and giving your life to them- as you had been doing for years. I took that for granted and you don't realise the extent of what you do for me, for everyone. I don't deserve you at all Stiles, and I'm selfish for even thinking I do and trying so hard to make things right. But I do because you're the best thing to have ever happened to me Stiles. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't come into my life. And after everything we have been through, you continue to me the most amazing man you have always been." He gestured to their kids playing up in the tree house with the others. "You took care of those children and made Zayd the man he is today. Gave Netta the confidence he had to dance and gave our little miracle baby the help she needed. That was all you."  
"I wasn't alone in his marriage Derek." Stiles shook his head. "Zayd is the man he is because of everything you taught him growing up. Netta has the confidence she does because she trust you enough to catch her when she falls. And Lily....You tried so hard those 3 months to keep it together while I was hurled up in my room. I wish hadn't given up..." Stiles starred up at Derek's eyes who looked at him with fear and hope. "So please...Don't give up now. This year was so hard but necessary. Because we're better for it." It was almost like a competition, who could compliment the other and make it seem like they were the saving grace of this marriage. But the truth was, they started this together. And then got lost and made so many mistakes that by the time they found each other, too much had been said and done and they didn't recognise the other.

Yet now as they danced in each others arms with the world both against them and with them, with a years worth of grief and another year of hard work and commitment between them- they finally truly have found each other again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter literally took be hours because first I was half when through then acciddentally deleted it all. Then as I wrote it up again it got longer and longer. Lol.  
> Anyways, hope you guys enjoyed the first half of the finale. There will be time skip or two in the final chapter (havent decided how many, depends how I write) and leave your thoughts and comments along with kudos (i would love to end this fic on 1000 kudos!).
> 
> Plus in case anyone is confused, i dont care if you dislike the story, love it, want to criticise ect. Comment what ever you like as long as you are respectful which is what I have been asking for again and again but some still dont get it as again I had to delete comments in the previous chapter (one telling me and another commenter we're 'glorifying cheating'). Just please be respectful to me and others especially as we reach the end. Thank you for everyones support and feedback so far. Truly.


	52. Finale Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I re wrote this again and again. Hopefully this satisfies, I'm not totally sure. Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone. Seriously. Let me know what you think about this chapter, your thoughts in general- happy or disappointed just say it.  
> Again, I can't thank you all enough. See you soon, Hopefully xx.

7 months later and it's summer again. And things have been going well for the couple. After the New Years Prom Redo, they stayed on track with what they had learnt throughout their difficult experience, they communicated more, learned to trust one another after earning said trust. They're dynamics changed too; Stiles whose main job was a house husband was now a full time day care worker. He had even moved on to working within other classes and leaving Lily to her energetic self in Kiras class, not even checking up on her until lunchtime and then heading off back to class. Netta had continued with her dancing and was excelling in other areas of school such as reading now that her daddy was back to help her. Not that Stiles never did, the girl just preferred when Daddy did the voices and actions. Zayd was 16 and back to his usual self, glowing confidence and ace-ing all his classes as per usual. He talked with Derek more and let the man into his life again step by step. Derek himself was the biggest change. A few days after New years eve and their kiss at midnight, Stiles allowed Derek back home full time. And the man hadn't let up on his efforts, he stuck to his commitments to the kids and never stopped showing Stiles how much he appreciated him and loved him. It wasn't over bearing or overkill either which also worried Stiles, that Derek would just rely on big gestures or daily gifts to try and compensate for actual parenting and partnership but that never happened. His husband remained the same just with a better outlook on life and their relationship and his role in it. Derek and Stiles shared the child rearing now, Derek dropping the kids off and picking them up from school, giving them a snack and getting them started on chores and homework. By then Stiles would be back with Lily from the daycare and Derek would leave for work again coming back in the evening around 6 in time for dinner or sometimes an hour earlier if he and Boyd finished early enough. Then he spent the evening with his family and ended the day curled up by Stiles. The only time they strayed from that routine was on Saturdays when Stiles didn't have any work and Derek still did and was gone the majority of the day. But he came by for lunch and finished work around 4 on Saturdays so that was good too.

Things were going so well that at one point Stiles was just plain terrified that something would go wrong. That they would just fall flat on their faces and head back to square one. Maybe Luke would appear from nowhere and reveal himself pregnant, maybe a small argument is all it would take for Derek to cheat again! But that was all in his head Stiles came to understand. That Derek was by him here and now and the man had no intention of leaving.  
Derek himself had stopped with the self pity party. Instead he awoke everyday next to Stiles and reminded himself that he was damn lucky to be here every day and he wasn't going to waste his second shot at happiness. He wasn't acting to impress Scott or anyone else, just to assure his husband thats things were going to be alright now and they were better than ever for surviving infidelity. Which seemed almost impossible a year and a half ago but yet here they were. And Derek couldn't be happier.  
And Neither could the good Dr Naeem.

They still continued with couples counselling of course. Just working out the kinks and small issues left to iron out. But now the sessions themselves were more spaced out rather than once a week. More like every fortnight or so. Even their scheduled date nights were now just a thing past of their routine they didn't even think about. Every Friday night, the kids would be dropped off at either their friends or with their parents friends as babysitters and the two men would go on a date night. Sometimes organised by Derek and sometimes by Stiles. From Paintballing to Escape rooms, they just spent the day doing some random or mundane activity and enjoying each others company. It was amazing. Rani thought as much.  
"I must say this session had gone incredibly well." Rani smiled gently at them as they sat opposite her. The family was in Beacon Hills visiting John and Derek had come along this time. Since they were here, they thought to have a session with their Dr in person in her office. "I think you two have made extraordinary progress especially in the past few months and I'm incredibly pleased to have you come in so I could witness it myself." She smiled at the pair who held hands with shy smiles as if they were kids in kindergarten. Rani stood up and shook their hands as their session for today came to an end. After all the times she'd witnessed the struggle and the anger and hurt between the pair, she's happy to see how well they've been doing. Its moments like these that makes her love her job. Even if it seemed bleak at the beginning, she is a sucker for a well deserved happy ending.  
"We couldn't have done it without your help doctor. Thank you so much." Stiles said, Derek smiling bright and nodding in agreement. Rani laughed and shook her head.  
"Just doing my job gentlemen. Nothing more, nothing less. Have a good day."

They headed back to the former Sheriffs home who was in the front yard playing with Netta and Lily. Lily saw her dads walking over and got up on her feet off the grass, running over to them at full speed. If Derek wasn't as big as he was, he probably would have been knocked out by this little human cannonball.  
"Daddy!" Lily cheered as the older man held her tight, Stiles coming close and kissing her cheek with the girl giggling. "Papa! P'way?" She asked with her high squeaky voice that the two men loved so much.  
"Sure baby let's go." Stiles smiled, holding the girls hand once his husband set her down on the grass again. Derek followed the pair over to where John was braiding, or attempting to braid Netta hair but the young girl didn't care if it was messy for once since it was her grandpa doing it. The older man smiled up at the pair.  
"Some boys came by asking if Zayd wanted to play some Basketball. He's on the court just down the road." John informed them, Stiles pouting up at Derek who chuckled and took the hint.  
"I'll go check in him. You stay with the girls." He relented, his husband grinning at him cheekily in thanks. "John, you want me to get you anything while I'm gone."  
"Yeah a bacon and cheese sandwich." John said sternly, daring his son to argue. Derek smirked and began to walk off.  
"Derek Robert Stilinski-Hale don't you dare!" Stiles called out playfully.   
"Too far to hear you baby! Last I heard was sandwich!" Derek obviously lied while clearly hearing John's laughter.

Derek's relationship with John was improving immensely the past few months. In his old age and after years of being the Sheriff, dealing with all kinds of terrible situations, the man wasn't that confrontational after his retirement. So even though he cared for his son and had that phone call with Derek just over a year ago now, John said his piece and just took a step back and let them work out their issues- deciding it was best that the couple figure it out themselves especially since so many others were already involved. John took on the role of background support, there to listen to his son when he needed him and be the distraction when he came to visit too. But over the past year, the old man was pleased to see the positive change in them both and his grandchildren. They won't forget what happened, not by a long shot. But they will learn from it and get better because of it. John thinks, and maybe this aged him more beyond his years, that young people these days give up way too easily on relationships. The first sign of trouble and disagreement and they call it quits. Granted this was much more than a mere fight over doing the dishes, but it was something that was possible to come back from in one way or another despite the discouraging divorce rates lately. And although John is more than ready with his old gun in the garage, locked and loaded and ready to shoot Derek down in one shot should he fuck up again, the man was truly rooting for the pair. He had hesitations earlier in the relationship, but that was decades ago and his son was happy during his marriage until the recent events which they have both been working through. And again, this might show his age, but John believes a true man owns up to his mistakes and tries to fix them. Which is what Derek has tried to do and has done- John thinks so at least.  
He knows that these days Derek is trying to prove to John that he is worthy of his son. The man already believes he is, if a little rough around the edges, but he wasn't going to tell Derek that. Especially if the man was going to continue spoiling him with greasy goods. Much to his sons disapproval.  
"Can you stop making my husband go on heart attack inducing food runs?"  
"When you start cooking me actual food when you come instead of a box of rabbit food, I will."

Derek had gone by the basketball court and found Zayd indeed playing with some of the local kids. There was one boy in particular staring at his son a bit too dreamily but Derek would go back and scare the kid later while simultaneously embarrassing his son. So a job well done as the dad.  
Entering the sandwich shop opposite the court, Derek went to the counter and placed and placed an order for John food. He also ordered some other stuff for the rest of his family and himself.  
"Okay we'll call you when your order's ready. Name please?" The man at the counter asked.  
"Derek Stilinski-Hale." He smiled before taking a seat. He whipped his phone out to tell Stiles he would be 20 minutes.  
"D-Derek is that you?" Derek raised a brow and looked up to find an old woman and man standing by the door of the shop and starring at him earnestly. Derek glared and let out an annoyed sigh, typing a new text to Stiles.  
Better make it 25 minutes.

After Derek cut the family off from his life and chose Stiles, they proceeded to cut him from the 'Hale advantages' - when his great grandmother died, he got none of the heritance money as well as being cut off from his funding. Every member of the family from his sisters and cousins all ignored him and exiled him. He had no support from them and had not spoken to them for years. Yet here was his father Xavier Hale and his mother Talia Hale sitting opposite him as he waited for food with his actual family.. The proud woman was dressed in a simple black dress, white pearls decorating her neck. Her husband besides her was dressed in a suit, both even in their old age not able to let up appearances. Derek could see the pain in their faces just sitting in some common sandwich shop. He wondered why they were even here and asked as such.  
"Say what you need. Soon as my father in law's food is ready I'm leaving." He said in monotone. Talia cleared her throat and pursed her lips.   
"It's rude to address your mother in such a way."  
"Some would say framing your brother for rape and isolating your son just for marrying a man is rude. No, abuse would be the correct word." Derek snarked. Xavier sighed as Talia glared.  
"Talia. We didn't come in to start a fight." His father said surprisingly calmly but only because out of the two of them, his father could act somewhat human while remaining a heartless bastard. "Derek, we are here to...ask for amends." His father asked as Derek scoffed. "You are out first born son after all. Even if you did marry...a male breeder-"  
"Stiles. " the man interrupted angrily. "His name is Stiles Stilinski-Hale, my husband. And we have 3 wonderful children who you chose to reject." He knew they had an angle to suddenly lower themselves to ‘his level’ and reach out in the middle of town. He just didn't know what. But if they were truly remorseful, they had every opportunity to reach out to him prior to now. They just saw Derek as an opportunity since they just happened to pass him by chance.  
Though he feels like this is karma of some sorts, the night Stiles found out about his affair, he remembers how he begged on his knees for forgiveness and foolishly believed in that moment that sorry would be enough. That he could say sorry and do big gestures like in the movies and they could move on.  
But life wasn't like the movies. In reality, you have to prove your love by being trustworthy, dependable, reliable and more importantly is to be consistent above all else. Derek learnt that the hard way but he's better for it. But his parents...he doesn't think he's good enough as a man as Stiles to give them a chance like that. Not when he knows they're after something and he wasn’t sticking around to find out.  
"Derek Stilinski-Hale! Orders up!" A call from the counter sounded and Derek went up to collect it while the old couple watched him carefully. Talia narrowed her eyes before taking an even breath.  
"We are offering you to reclaim the Hale name. To have your advantages back. To help your little ‘family’. Yet once again, you show insolence. "  
"And once again you continue to be a bitter old hag. Trying to replace the original are you?" Derek scoffed as he passed them after the quick reference to his great grandmother, pausing at the door. "Thank you though. If there's one thing you've done here is strengthen my belief in the fact that the family I have now is much better than the family I was born into." With that the man walked out, breathing in the clean air.

"They invited me to play again tomorrow." Zayd said as he walked besides his dad. Derek nodded as he listened to Zayd talk about how the local high school kids recognised him from the bake sale last year and invited him to come join them in a few games. “I mean I’m okay with basketball but lacrosse is definitely my sport though.”  
“You considering the Captain position this time round?” Derek asked his son who grinned and shrugged.  
“I don’t know, I mean Stephen said I should go for it but he says that all the time-”  
“Oh you still talk to your Senior?” Derek laughed as the boy pouted, somehow looking cute even as a 16 year old. He knows his son had never really gotten over the older boy and both Stiles and Derek take great pride in teasing him about it whenever they can.  
“Oh look, we’re already back! See ya dad!” Zayd rushed out, along with a flimsy excuse of being hungry and grabbed the bag of food from the older man and running inside. Stiles laughed as his son rushed past him at the door and turned to Derek on the porch.  
“Hey strange. You two took your time.”  
“After I got the food, Zayd was still playing and I just stayed to watch him a little. Soon an hour had gone by and we were both headed home.” The brunette hummed in understanding, leaning up to kiss his husband on the cheek. Derek sighed as Stiles tiled his head and asked him what was wrong. “At the sandwich shop....My parents showed up today.”  
“Oh!” Stils shut the front door so they could have some privacy and sat with his husband on the porch swing. “How did it go?”  
“Honestly I shut it down before I got a feel of it. I could tell they hadn’t changed and were just trying to fix things our of desperation for something. Money, reputation- I don’t know. I just didn’t care.” He shrugged, the smaller man wondering how he should respond to that. “I didn’t want our family involved. I know Peter would do the same.”  
“No I get that.” Stiles clarified, he knows that reconnecting with his parents is something Derek had decided against decades ago now. It’s one of the few things he refused to do and shut down when Dr Naeem brought it up. Stiles never questioned him and on it and never forced him to reach out, especially now that he knows what his parents are capable of if Peter’s treatment was anything to go off. “As long as this is what you want, then I support you.” He said earnestly, reaching down to hold Derek hand. Glancing down, Derek frowned a little.  
“Does it make me a hypocrite? Not giving them a chance I mean. After everything I put you through you still gave me a second chance.”  
“Barely.” Stiles smirked, trying to lighten the mood. “Derek, our situation is different than whats going on between you and your family. If you want to try with them, don’t do it if it’s just because you think you have to because I forgave you.” There was a huge difference between woking through relationship problems as a couple and reentering a toxic home environment. Derek nodded and seemed to think for a minutes before looking to Stiles, thinking about how this man has changed his life in so many ways.  
“I don’t want any connecting to them at all. Peter, You, the kids- all of you are all the family I need.” He spoke with such strong confidence in his words that Stiles just smiled kindly and nodded, glad that Derek shared this with him and not agonising over it to the point where he didn’t know what he was going to do.  
“Let’s go back inside.” And with that, they got up and entered the house once more hand in hand.

Derek was on cleaning duty that night after dinner, washing up the dishes and drying them by himself while Zayd and Stiles played on the Playstation in his husbands old room with Lily watching them while Netta slept in the guest room she would share with her little sister. Every so often, the man’s eyes would glance out into the garden. He wasn’t able to see much with it being dark now but he knows Stiles has fond memories of the garden back when his mother was alive and they would spend time fixing the flowers up and trimming the hedges together. Throughput the years after he death, Stiles took care of Claudia’s plants and vegetable patch with great enthusiasm. Even John took over after Stiles had moved out. But every time the man visited, the two Stilinski men would add a new addition to the scenery, such as the rosebush they planted this morning.  
“Deep in thought are you Derek?” John asked, smirking when the other man almost dropped the wet plate in his hands. He shook his head quickly.  
“No no I was just um...Thinking about Claudia…” He answered vaguely, the old man now moving to lean against the kitchen counter as Derek did the last of the dishes. It had crossed Derek’s mind a few times, would Stiles mother have approved of their relationship or would she have reacted similarly to how John did to begin with. Even if it was just her grave stone, Derek felt great pressure when Stiles wanted to introduce him to his dead mother and they arrived the cemetery. John even joined them on one visit, and the man talked to his wife as if she was alive along with his son and soon enough Stiles’ husband even picked up the habit- promising that he would take are of her son and grandchildren, that he would love them with all his heart and she had nothing to worry about.  
Now he wonders if he let her down and she’s turning in her grave.  
“I think Claudia would have liked you.” John said suddenly, the man following Derek’s gaze out to the garden. Honestly the other man was a little spooked at the admission as if John knew what he was thinking and worrying about. “I think she would have appreciated that someone loved our son as much as you. Even if the age thing would have worried her.”  
“Understandable. Worried me too.”  
“I have no doubt of that now.” John chuckled, shaking his head. “I know you didn’t try to force my son into anything when he was going through his high school days a little lost and alone. I know you even tried to distance yourself. And although I didn’t say it back then, I did and do appreciate it.” The man mused, pulling out two small glasses, gesturing a bottle of whiskey towards Derek who nodded at the silent offer. John poured them both a glass before shrugging. “In all truth, I never did right by a Stiles after Claudia died. Not in the way I should have at least.”  
“That’s not true!” Derek argued urgently. “Stiles loves you more than anything. He doesn’t hold anything against you!” John just laughed at the man.  
“Thank you but the reality is I was a shit father in the times that mattered the most. I tried the best I could, I guess. And I know Stiles thinks the same. Still. I was a shitty excuse for a man.” He took a big swing at the glass, almost down in one gulp and Derek watched carefully since Stiles wasn’t around to do so. “You coming along...well. I guess I thought I failed if he was running of to an older man. 21 you’re still young and stupid but he was still only 16.”  
“I get that…” Scott had shared similar sentiments after all.  
“But when I saw how happy he was, how he got the confidence he needed and just semed to change for the better. I suppose I was in some sort of denial, that someone like you could make him happy. His first love, his first boyfriend, then other firsts…” He smirked at Derek’s bashful look that the man tried to hide behind his glass. “After I let my pettiness get to me and Stiles and I fought, I wasn’t sure that he or I would ever speak again. Then you called and convinced us to speak. I’m not sure I ever thanked you for that.”  
“John…” Derek was confused even if this was all touching. “You weren’t wrong to have your reservations or doubts. My own son is 16 now, I don’t know what I would do if he began dating someone who was 5 years older than him then married them right after their graduation.” It’s something Derek never held against John, his hesitation and early dicrimination against him. Derek would probably do the same even if he and Stiles were a ‘success story’ of young marriage and early dating working out. “But forgive me for saying this but...why are you saying all this suddenly?”  
“Weighing the up and down in my head before I grant you that favour.” At that, the other man froze, clutching his glass nervously while the former Sheriff spoke about what Derek had asked of him months ago. “It’s done. And it’s my room ready for you. But only if you’re serious Derek Hale. My son has given you a damn lot beyond his love and time. And you have done the same before things went to shit. So if you’re really serious about what you asked from me- then I am asking you as a father to another father, as a man to another man: do not, I mean DO NOT, fuck this up. You hear me?” John practically slammed his glass back against the counter as he faced Derek, the man standing up straight and proper as if he had been called to attention. “You do not make me or my son regret this.”  
“Yes Sir. I promise.” The old man accepted that and simply held his hand out for a handshake from his son in law.  
A gentleman's agreement.

The family of 5 arrived home a week later, all of them tiredly dragging themselves into the house and just throwing their luggage and bags down by the door. Stiles himself yawned as he walked through the door with Lily sleeping against him. Stiles is so glad they got a cab back home from the airport because he doesn’t think he or Derek could have handled driving all the way back.  
Actually- forget that. Derek had suddenly gone from dead with jet lag to overjoyed within a matter of seconds as he came back in the house with a bright smile, having just come off call with Boyd.  
“Stiles, wanna come with me to work tomorrow? I’ll call Lydia to come watch the kids.” he offered easily, gesturing to his phone. Stiles in his tired state just agreed so he could go up stairs and collapse on the bed for the next few hours.  
They’d tidy up the bags Later.

The next day, Stiles found himself in Derek’s car as they headed for whatever it was Derek so desperately wanted to show him. They had left the kids with Lydia this morning and although Stiles would have preferred staying in and sleeping off the rest of his jet lag, he was interested to see what Derek was so excited about. Plus the man bought him a breakfast muffin on the way so that was a bonus.  
“So where exactly are we going?” Stiles asked with his mouth full of breakfast eggs as his husband grinned.  
“I want to show you what Boyd and I have been working on. It’s finally finished and when we got back yesterday afternoon, Boyd called to say that everything was finalised and so the owner is ready to do what they wish with it!”  
“That sounds great! But...why do you need me to see it?” Stiles asked carefully, feeling hs heart flutter slightly when Derek blushed.  
“We were given creative freedom and well...I had you in mind when we were decorating. I just want you to see it and get your thoughts on it.” The man explained, pulling over. They both got out the car and now even Stiles was feeling his husbands infectious excitement as they walked into the newly made up building which only a few weeks ago was surrounded by builders and construction workers going in and out.  
Now, The outside was beautifully decorated with large vibrant green bushes with lollipops sticking out of them. After a delighted smirk, Stiles walked into a vast and spacious room through a black framed, arch shaped doorway. The floors with a glossy yet muted grey wooden planks which matched perfectly with the white exposed brick. On the bricks were quotes from classic fairytales written out in cursive as if the walls were pages from books. Hanging from the ceiling were elegant chandeliers which matched perfectly with the menu stands which resembled Cinderella’s carriage. The tables were all set up and decorated as if they were pulled from the Mad Hatters very own tea party. Completed with a chaotic mix of elegant white and black chairs. Stiles was almost awestruck at how unique and fucking gorgeous everything looked. He almost didn’t want to move in case his shoes dragged any dirt in he wasn’t aware of and ruined it all.  
“God Derek...It looks so….so beautiful. I can’t fucking-” Stiles took a deep breath. “I mean, I love it. The owners an idiot if he has a problem with something like this.”  
“Well considering you like it, I don’t think it’ll be a problem.”  
“What are you-” Stiles then turned to find Derek holding out a silver key to him with a small smile. “You can’t be fucking serious…”  
“Don’t make Harry Potter Jokes now. It’s fairytale themed, not Harry Potter Themed.” Derek attempted to tease, Stiles still in too much shock to react. “Technically I’m the owner since I commissioned it last year. Gave Boyd 100,000 and we got to work. I wanted this done in Spring but I kept changing things just wanting it perfect do you so know we’re here…” He stoped himself before he rambled on about building all this and just took Stiles hand. “Stiles, I love my new job. And I know you’ve dedicated your life to our kids and you have done an amazing job with that, but now it’s your chance to do what you love too. If you want this place, to bake to your hearts desire whatever you want-” He didn’t spend the majority of the budget on a high grade kitchen for nothing - “And set your own hours and times then this is all yours.” Derek explained, finally getting to the doubtful part of his mind. “I-if this is too much then please, I can sell it and make a profit and we never have to speak of this again.” Boyd still got his BIG paycheck either way which is another reason Derek wanted this to go well. “I know you like working at the daycare but Zayd told me a bakery position appealed to you yet the house didn’t work and then there was Lily-”  
“This would all really be mine?” Stiles asked, taking another look at everything before making his way to the kitchen quickly, one again struck speechless as all the new equipment and large work stations. Derek followed him, not wanting to miss his reaction.  
“All yours. I would sign everything off to you and then you have free control to do what you wish.” He jingled the keys and Stiles head spun to face the sounds as Deek held the metal out to the man. Derek was right, Stiles did enjoy working at the daycare and working with Kira. He enjoyed being a househusband and taking care of their children. But things change, he was no longer in a situation where he would be working out of worry of their financial status and the kids, who were growing up and would become more independent soon. Lily would be off to school soon too. So why not- this once - just accept something for himself for once?  
He leapt forward and hugged Derek tightly, resisting the urge to weep happily into his shoulder. Derek held onto him tight and never wanted to let go. But of course, the pair eventually had to pull back and Stiles squealed as he grabbed the keys from his husband. “I can’t fucking wait to open this place! Thank you fucking much! Oh my god- Boyd-!”  
“Is getting everything he damn well deserves. He’s already looking for Flights to Ibiza for him and his family.” Stiles smiled brightly at the news, sighing dreamily as he took another scope around HIS new fairytale Cafe.  
“There’s also something else Stiles…” Derek asked and sat Stiles down at one of the tables. “It’s about something that I asked your father a few months ago.”  
“What are you talking about?” The brunette asked uneasily, wondering what exactly was going to happen now. He better not be getting some really bad news and all this was Derek just trying to soften the blow…

“You want what?” John asked incredulously and slightly confused, wondering if he should have told Melissa he was going home instead since this call may take longer than a few minutes.  
“I...I want to ask for your blessing. As I move forward with Stiles. I should have asked you this when we got engaged before I said yes to Stiles but I just..”  
“Yes yes I don’t need a recap on what you didn’t do! I’m asking for an explanation on why you’re asking for my blessing now!” The old man was confused. Besides, wasn’t asking for the father blessing a little old fashioned even for John himself? “Stiles should be the only one who you to. I’m his father, not his keeper.”  
“I understand that sir. But I’m not asking just because of Stiles….I consider you a father figure John…” At that the older man decided to shut up for now and let Derek talk. “And I know I not only let Stiles down but also let you down after everything we’ve been through to get to this point. I betrayed your trust and broke the promises I made to you about taking care of him and our children so I want to do this right this time around. So please I am asking you: May I have you blessing to embark on another chance with your son? Do prove to him and you that I am a changed man and won’t ever again me so stupid to do what I did again?” There was a long silence and John almost forgot he was on call and Derek couldn’t see him nod.  
“I’ll think about it.”

Stiles raised a brow at the man stood before him, unsure of what to think of that interaction.  
“You asked my dad to have a second chance with me?” Stiles asked slowly, not really understanding the whole situation.  
He began to get it when Derek suddenly got on one knee. And pulled out fucking velvet black box and Stiles was about to scream until he realised this box looked familiar.  
“He made me wait months and honestly I was beginning to think that I wouldn’t get it and would just have to get over that John doesn’t approve of us. Then a few nights before we left Beacon Hills, he and I had a talk. He did give me his blessing in more way than one.” Derek opened up the box and Stiles just started crying right then and there. Because this wasn’t any on ring, this was his mother’s engagement ring. Derek smiled up at his husband, his own eyes filling up with unshed tears. “I think he knew all along what I had planned when I asked if he wouldn’t mind getting Claudia’s ring resized for me as a symbol of his approval.” The man remember trying to ask it as a joke to which John did not laugh at. But what Derek mistook as rejection at the time must have actually just been a contemplating John at the other end of the phone.  
“I don’t...Derek we’re already married.” Stiles said, wiping some tears away and sniffling and his husband shook his head.  
“And we were almost divorce because of me. Incredibly close even. And we never had a wedding or got wedding rings Stiles-” He glanced down at their empty fingers. “I want this all to be the beginning of a new and better future for us and I want to do it right. A clear mark in the sand. I want to Give you everything you deserve and missed out on from the start and just keep going. I want to write wedding vows and watch you come down the aisle after Netta and Lily dressed as flower girls scatter your favourite flowers around. I want to take you on a honeymoon and show of gold matching bands on our fingers so we never ever forget what promises we make to each other and no matter what happens that we just...we just belong together!”  
“You’re such s-s-sap..!” Stiles didn’t want to cry again goddammit! He was literally bouncing around a few minutes ago!  
“I don’t care.” He cried out with a laugh as he held the box with the silverband topped with a ruby closer to Stiles. “So I am asking you, Stiles Stilisnki- Hale, will you do me the honours in marrying me again and start our new lives together?” That fear in the pit of stomach, that Stiles might think this was all desperate or stupid was all shattered when the man nodded, one hand still against his mouth as he cried tears of joy as Derek reached over to his other hand and slipped on the newly sized and refurbished ring. The brunette then got him and kissed the older man hard on the mouth with all the feelings he could muster. Derek reacted in kind.

It took them 2 long years to plan the wedding- the perfect wedding. Both because they wanted everything to go just right and smoothly but also because Derek knew Stiles was excited about his new cafe and wanted to focus all his attention on that which the man did so. Stiles kept it open during the hours the kids would be in school and although Kira was sad to see Stiles leave, she (and even Theo) came down whenever they could on their lunch break both for the food and their former co worker. Derek continued working with Boyd whos own business was booming too, with the exposure the cafe gave to Boyds craftsmanship on the furniture inside, people were reaching out to him too for all sorts of jobs and soon the dark skinned man had moved out of his home workshop to an actual building all just for him and his partner to work without worry of Little Saffron getting hurt. The man still had the same schedule however and Derek could not be happier about that.  
Zayd, now 18, had graduated valedictorian of his class and was offered plenty of college offers from around the country. But as he told his parents years ago, he wanted to take a gap year to travel and have fun before going for a degree which both men didn’t mind. Especially since apparently, his old captain Stephen would be joining him on the trip.  
Netta now 11 years old was in the 5th grade doing more competitive dance competitions as she grew older. Derek worried she would lose out on growing up so Stiles agreed she would only do a few competitions a year while still focusing on School.  
And Lily, now 5 years old was a trouble maker, Derek was the one of course having to be called into school and while Stiles was the fun parent who cheered at how far Lily could throw a lego brick, Derek was the one focusing on the fact that said lego brick hit a child. Lily was a little daddy's girl much like her sister though and if Derek looked upset with her or annoyed in anyway, then the young girl got the message instantly and would fix it.  
And Derek and Stiles? They were stronger than ever, both their individual sessions were down to only once every two months and their couples counselling down to one a month. Their date nights were just a natural part of their routine and their communication with once another was consistent and better too.  
So a summer wedding before their son went of travelling, with their friends and family all attending seemed absolutely perfect. It brought them to now with Stiles dressed in a white suite and Derek in black, stood in front of each other in a beautiful garden venue with their audience watching them expectantly. It was a small ceremony, nothing too big as neither of them felt they needed anything big like that - even if Derek wanted to splurge on anything Stiles wanted Their daughters were wearing red bridesmaids dresses and Zayd was in a darker red suit, all the children stood near their fathers. The Priest said a few words before finally it was time for the vows. Derek cleared his throat, his palms suddenly sweaty but one look at Stiles soft smile directed at him instantly calmed him down.  
“Stiles...I think don’t think anyone is more surprised than me that we even made it here.” He said, earning a few humorous mummers from everyone. “I messed up and hurt you terrible not long ago at all. And I don’t think I will ever be able to truly make things up you and our children. But I know that out of all the selfish things I’ve done and regretted all my life, loving you unapologetically is not and will never be one of them. Yeah it sounds damn cheesy and so cliche, but you have truly made my whole world brighter from the moment I met you and I just can’t wait to continue this journey with you and show you that there is no one else more perfect in this world to me than you Stiles.” The pair heard a distinct sniffle and turned to the crowd to find Jackson clearly trying not to tear up while Lydia held a napkin out to him. Stiles smirked and Jackson flipped him off only to be smacked on the arm by his wife. Stiles rolled his eyes and began to speak.  
“I...I was a lonely kid. I don’t think that’s news to anyone but I was. Then you came along and I just...that literally when life began for me. I felt like I was drifting waiting for the whole ‘it gets better’ thing and it never came until you walked in and argued with me in my dad office.” Stiles laughed a little at the memory as did some other people. “I remember thinking that if I ever got you, if you ever looked my direction and saw me as something more than the Sheriff’s annoying kid then I would never want you to stop looking at me. So when you did what you did...it hurt. And my heart actually shattered. But strangely enough...even though you were the one who broke it, I knew that you were the one who could fix it too. It took us work, God did it take so much blood and tears but I KNOW it was worth it. Because you are looking at me again Derek Hale, and I’m looking right back at you and for the first time in years, I truly see you.” They joined hands together and didn’t even wait to be officially pronounced husbands before they went in for the kiss to end all kisses.

“Papa, Uncle Scotty crying!” Lily pointed to a sniffling Scott as Derek and Stiles were sat down at their table. Stiles pulled the girl onto his lap and chuckled gently.  
“Lots of people cry at weddings baby. Why don’t you go hand out tissues and roses to everyone in your little basket?”  
“Okie dokie!” The little girl skipped off and Stiles went back to his position of snuggling besides Derek who smiled, kissing his husband’s cheek.  
“Mr and Mr Stilinski- Hale!” The pair looked over to their son coming over with his plus one and ‘friend’ Stephen who shook their hands and sat down with Zayd. “Great wedding! I’m pretty sure everyone was weeping the second the music came on.”  
“You definitely were.” Zayd teased, smirked as his parents laughed at the former Lacrosse Captain. “I’m going to get us some more drinks. Dad, Pa, you want anything?”  
“I’m alright son.” Derek replied, Stiles nodding in agreement. Zayd nodded and walked off toward refreshments. Stephen then turned to the pair, leaning in a little.  
“Hey so….I know this might be a little unorthodox at your wedding and all but do you think I have a chance with your son?” He asked, Derek choking on nothing while Stiles grinned widely.  
“Go for it sweetie. But I was under the impression that you had a girlfriend?”  
“We broke up over a year ago now.” He shrugged simply, turning to Derek waiting for his reply. The man cleared his throat.  
“It’s Zayd’s choice at the end of the day but I see no reason why not…” He relented as Stephen fist bumped the air. “Just don’t you DARE hurt my son.”  
“Wouldn’t dream of it!” He declared and ran off after the boy, moving through the venue towards the refreshments table. Stiles laughed as Derek’s already exhausted face.  
“They’ll be alone on a trip travelling through asia…”  
“Derek. It’s going to fine.” Stiles assured, leaning up to whisper against his ear. “Besides, you should be more worried about us alone on our honeymoon later…” Derek’s mouth suddenly went dry and he was fucking thirsty. He downed the rest of his wine while the brunette just laughed.

It’s taken them 4 years but here they are again. Derek and Stiles Stilinski-Hale with their three children, Zayd, Netta and Lily.  
Just the way it should have been and will be from now on,

The end.

Authors Note: Final Words

I’ve finally finished one of the longest fics I have every written in my whole life and this is after years of not writing fanfic.  
Honestly, I’m not a fan of teen wolf- just another show with hot people and no actual or memorable plot- but I liked the concept of Sterek and what the majority of the fandom does with it. And when I came across the cheating Derek fics, and lockdown happening all at once I figured why the fuck not write this?

I think it’s no secret that I love reading comments and people’s reactions to my story and the characterization of these characters. It’s also no secret that when it comes to cheating fics, there will always be arguments for and against reconciliation or not. I for one am a case by case kind of person. I’ve read all sorts of articles and comments on my story alone with people who have been through or seen a situation where cheating has worked out and others where it hasn’t. Which is why I wrote this story unplanned on a whim with no ending in mind because I wanted to explore a few themes and depending where the story went I had no idea what ending would feel the most natural so it was up in the air until this very kast chapter- I’m not kidding, I wrote 2 different versions and endings to see which one felt more natural and landed on this one.

With any cheating fic, like I said with cheating in general, this had people split between separate and stay together- all having their own sub categories from co parenting to divorce but try dating a few years later. All endings I considered and dabbled with. However, I think it’ll come to no surprise when I say that it was the extreme sub category of the ‘break up’ team that annoyed me the most specifically after my call for respect. Prior, everyone was being from all sides had rude people so I left a warning. After, some people still didn’t get the message and continued asking ‘hows it going to end? Just put a tag already!’ ‘Ugh I can already see where this is going. How typical’ and this was from the anti derek side.  
I felt like a broken record constantly telling people ‘no tag. Come back when stories complete if you really don’t want to feel disappointed in the end’. Yet when I stuck up for myself I was accused of being defensive and ‘u shouldn’t post on a public forum if u can’t take criticism!’ Like leaving comments that are literally ‘ *eyeroll* ’ and ‘How dare you victim blame! You’re disgusting!’ ‘Anyone who actually roots for Derek clearly has issues’ (actual comments to me and other commenters) shouldn’t be deleted.

But no, I’m the bad guy for not taking that shit. Even though my writing, notes and comments were being ignored, it MY FAULT they continued reading and had a bad time even when I showed them the door and even said come back when it’s done to see if you wanna try again. And I’m not tryna pull a gabbie hannah and try to defend my writing by going “YOU JUST DONT GET IT GUYS!”. There are inconsistencies in Derek's character and other parts of the fic throughout because as I said, it was unplanned, and direction was undecided so yeah I get it loses flow and some characters may not make sense.  
But I was damned if I do, and damned if I don’t with Derek specifically. If he didn’t do something, the anti derek people scream “He hasn’t learnt anything!”, if I wrote him doing something nice it was ‘ew how forced. He doesn't mean it’, hell even if I had him try to be nice but then he makes a mistake AS PEOPLE DO IN THIS SITUATIONS, what do I get? A whole essay about how Stiles should just leave him and never go near Derek again because he’s ‘abusive’. Abusive. Like-  
A common thing with these rude comments in projecting their personal life onto me and this story, Like if I wrote Derek getting a happy ending it would some how be an insult to that person personally.

I do want to end this fic on a happy note though and that is to everyone who has supported this fic and my writing especially with it being the first one I have written in years. I want to thank the people who had those back and forth discussions which I honestly used a lot when Derek had his moments of self reflection to understand what his actions may look like no matter how well meaning. I want to thank those who criticised my story respectfully and conducted themselves as such with other users. I want to thank those who left suggestions and ideas throughout and I truly do hope to explore them later in this fic series.  
However, that being said I have begun university now and may be busy in the coming weeks. So please don’t expect to see me for awhile. I truly did enjoy writing this fic despite the drama I encountered with a VERY FEW but loud minority. If you take away anything from this fic I hope it’s that things aren’t always black and white and cheating can have a good ending with a lot of work and trust but it is not always the case. Relationships in general are things that require constant work and getting comfortable is good but also a dangerous habit that leads to ungratefulness and your spouse feeling unappreciated. Communication is key- listen don’t just hear. Be honest and open when you talk to each other and as tempting as it may seem, don’t use dirty tricks or tactics just to hurt each other and feel vindicated for a quick second.

Most importantly, remember that to be in love, to have someone love you unconditionally is a privilege and not something that should be taken advantage of and I hope you all remember that.

I am incredibly excited to keep writing for you guys and have a ton of idea so hopefully I will have time for them. In the mean time, leave a comment. I feel like people feel as if there’s been an unofficial ban on who can common and who cant. There hasnt. Literally say what you want- I don’t care as long as it’s respectful which is what I have ALWAYS preached.

Once again Thank you for all your support and even reading this fic in the first place. I hope everyone who respectfully left earlier are hopefully back again to give this another try now that all the tags are up. If not, thank you for reading anyway.

Yours Truly

Katya


	53. Awareness PLEASE READ

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Vent and Lesson Learnt

I want to apologise but I feel what Im about to say is important. Please Read.

For those of you unaware, there has been a user (allegedly multiple of users but we'll get to that) that has been posting stories with insanely stupid tags which are troll stories in themselves. This leads to the website crashing, delaying and blocking up peoples feed because they repost the same fic again and again and again. The multiple common tags also make it unavoidable even when filtering.

And the reason this sad little person is doing this was, at first, making some kind of bullshit statement because apparently fighting a fanfic website was important to them despite everything else in the world. Yet now it seems to just be an annoyance to everyone else.

But since their account got rightfully terminated, anonnymous accounts have now poppped up doing the same thing. Including one actual account with one work also trolling. Now, there also anon commentors 'supporting' this moronic behaviour which I highly speculate is just the same bitch sucking her own dick against the people annoyed because no one else will.

Speculation, but based on a highly logical probablity and evidence if u compare how the op defends themself and the anons comment. You have an MO sis.

Whether this is one individual or a group of idiots is irrelevant. Because the point is, in their bullshit attempt to call the site out, all they've done is show how utterly incompotent, illogical and pathetic they are.

Now idk what this persons problem is, whether they're young and stupid and their parents should take their phone off them.  
Or if they're some sad teen or even worse adult who has nothing better to do than troll people for literally hours on end. This isnt a youtube comment, this is typing up thousands of words, creating multiple accounts, and going out of your way to disturb other peoples experience on this site because u have some problem with it.

AO3 has always had problems. From allowing child pornography and rape fics with the legal avoidance of the techincallity of "at least its just fictional children and characters" to this, the allowance of endless tagging across multiple fandoms.

There are PLENTY of things i would change and censor about AO3. But Im not a whiny baby. Im not a pedo, so i dont read fics of children getting raped even if other do, Im not a stupid tween and so dont read fics of hot abusive men that later get turned into shit netflix romance movies.  
Im a grown ass woman, so I get on with my life. I do not try and 'make a statement' as was the original claim of intention.

And the reason I write this is for that reason. Do not give this idiot attention. Report it and move on. Do nit comment or anything. Get the URL, report and leave it at that. Ignore the clearly same person pretneding to be anon commenters supporting this bitch.  
Keep posting your stories. Keep supporting the writers you want. And Ignore this stupid bitch.  
It will pass. They will get bored. Because there is no greater goal here except attention.

I have admittedly, and regretfully part taken in commenting and sccumbing to these viruses on the sight. So I hope you will join me in pledging to not cave, to not let them ruin my fun and experience. Just report and move on.

Because if trolls are anything- theyre sad.

Thanks for coming to my TedTalk.  
As always, Be respectful, be honest and Keep talking.  
Just not to trolls.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave comments and kudos please! Thank you. Any suggestions are also welcome.
> 
> This is part of series where I explore different routes for a Cheating Derek story. This first one is inspired by a Larry Stylinson fic I read ages ago (will link if I find it) with Cheating harry and I really like how naturally it flowed and ended.


End file.
